The Chaser Report - NOW OPEN: Chaser Consumer Complaint's Inbox

Episode Date: August 15, 2023

Call Charles on 0419282188 or email him at [e-mail] for your chance to be name-dropped in his next therapy session. Or appear on the podcast I guess.We are currently holding A Terrible Product Stocktake Sale on Chasershop.com, and you cannot deny we deliver on the name. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Tom and. A bit of a disaster today. Really? Because I'm on a high, Charles. The world has responded incredibly positively to our first ever talkback episode of the Chaser report last Thursday afternoon at 3pm.

Sydney time we recorded a whole bunch of listeners calling in on Zoom. We didn't set any of them up, but they're real people. Yes. And it was a really enjoyable chat. Our listeners are fine discerning people. I'm still on a high from that. Shall we do it again this week? Yes, I think we should at 3pm on Thursday, Sydney time.

Yeah, check the chase of socials. We may move around, we're a bit disorganized. But it was amazing. It was really fun. And by the way, paying subscribers can listen to the entire unedited thing. We've put it up for those paying four bucks a month on Apple Podcasts or ACAS Plus. Yeah, and to my surprise, people have actually been listening to the unedited. We got an email early, early.

Monday morning saying, I really enjoyed the uninited version. I didn't think it would work. I didn't a fair point. But that was fabulous. So I want a high from that, which I just plugged. And I think the best part is we've got people from all around Australia, except for Perth, because it's very inconvenient to have talk back at 1pm in Perth. Well, you say that, but someone made the effort to ring in from New York City.

From New York at 1 a.m. So, I think it was JT. So, you know, and throw some shade on AOC. Yes. About time for that. But Charles, there's an issue today. Let's just say there's a consumer relations problem. We'll hear about it after this.

So, Dom, I was running out of money the other day, as you do. Sure. Yeah. I mean, you know, Max Chandler Mather seems to understand the plight of normal people, but everyone else doesn't seem to. Well, it's when you run an increasingly small business, these things happen. It's not all about the day. Anyway, so I thought, why not get rid of the massive quantity

of absolute pure shit that are in the warehouse of the chaser we've accumulated over the years that are just terrible products that nobody wanted to buy because you've launched many things it's basically your approach to product development seems to be throwing shit up against a wall

seeing what sticks and the surprising amount has stuck really to my mind but we now have a perfectly selected collection and stuff that nobody wants as has been proven over and over again So you've got to get it out the door. Well, I mean, there was actually, there was a few items, to my surprise in the warehouse, that the computer system, like chaser's shop.com, had had as out of stock. Right.

They were actually very popular, and we'd had hundreds in the warehouse, but it had been out of stock. They just sat there. And were some of them topical items that had they been in stock would have sold? Well, especially the chaser annual. There was a whole lot of chaser annuals, which are very popular because they're actually good, because half of them's written by James Schleffel from the shovel. Oh, the shovel's very good. Yes, they're very good.

Yes, they're very good. If I were you, I'd do a tour with that guy and maybe just sit back and let him do a lot of the comedy writing. Anyway, it's the stock take sale. It's still on. It's also known as the terrible product sale. But the problem is, ran into a bit of a problem, and this person rang me up on the weekend and complained about it.

Because everyone has your phone number. Yes, because, well, actually, that is the only phone number for The Chaser now, given that we have an increasingly small business. It's just Charles and it's mobile. So, you can't say there's no one on the other end of the phone. There is. The bad news is that that person is Charles. But the point is that I think I've also broken consumer law

because it's sort of a bait-and-switcher probably. Anyway, what I did is I invited Marcel. I thought, how do you make up if you've got a bad consumer problem? What you do is you invite them on the podcast as this sort of right of reply. It's a unique approach to customer affairs. But we did have Marcel in a short while ago. I just turned up and this random guy is sitting in the podcast studio. But the good thing is he's very good at sort of tech.

So he's going to help also reconstruct the studio as well. You brought him into Logic Complaint and he had to work setting up our studio. Here's how it went. Dom, sitting in the studio with us, he is a very special guest. I'm very confused. I mean, sir, welcome. Thank you, Dom. Marcel is here.

Yes. I've been told that he has feedback of some kind. Yes. I'm hoping this is going to be another classic Firth disaster story. Yes. Marcel, we don't know each other. Not at all. We've never met before.

No. This morning you rang me and you were quite irate. Well, irate strong. I was curious and I had received the email the night before. This is for the terrible product sale. that we've just put on on chaser shop.com. Oh, terrible product sale. That sounds very on brand.

Yeah, so because we got contacted by the warehouse a few weeks ago going, Charles, literally there is like mountains of shit that is accumulated over the last five or six years. Do you just, like, do you want us to just send it to the tip? Because it's costing you money to store it at the warehouse. And I said, no, let's have a terrible product sale for all our most. terrible selling products, right? And so I sent out an email to our most loyal customers, and you were one of them. I was one of them, and I clicked through because I love a bargain.

And I saw the Scott Morrison-Rupert Murdoch toilet paper. Very topical toilet paper. Fabulous. Two years ago. Yeah. And having purchased them previously as Christmas presents at the full rate of 1995, when I saw them advertise for a dollar. A dollar?

I thought. A dollar. A dollar. How can you say no? That's 50 cents or old. That's like, you know, who gives a crap? Well, to be fair, to me, just for a second. Never a problem.

I actually thought we'd sold out of all our toilet paper, but it turns out we hadn't. It's just the computers, like the Shopify store noted our inventory is zero, even though there was just a shit ton in the warehouse. So to be fair, that one, and toilet paper takes up a lot of space. Yes, yes. I probably could have offloaded that toilet paper for like $100 a roll at the height of the pandemic. And I didn't know. I didn't know I was like a, I was basically a Bitcoin billionaire in toilet paper.

But timing is everything. But timing's everything. The toilet paper market crashed and then I had to offload it for a dollar. Well, the good news is there's another variant on the rise. So you're sure you don't want to hang on to it? That's right. Exactly. Yeah, bring on the pandemic.

I mean, Scott Morrison's clearly going to make a comeback as Prime Minister. or in a few years' time. Do you really think so? No. But so you click through and what happens? What happens is then you land on the, you, you order, so I ordered five packets, you get to the checkout. Yeah.

It's gone up to $4. Yes. Okay. I still think it's a bargain. Bargain. Okay. Still 25% of what it was originally. Yes.

Actually 20%. Yes. So I thought, you know, I like the guy. So I'll click through. I paid my $4 twin pack. But then the morning when I got up, went through my emails, found that I got, I got up, went through my emails found that I had the, um, you know, no, not the original email. I had the, you know, the, the, the, the, the order had gone through. Yeah. I thought, oh, that's, that's, that's,

that's, that's just, that's the sort of thing that if the checkout were on today, I know, they would crack down on. Your own team would be. Yes. Exactly. So I thought, look, there's a mobile number. I'll ring it. Yeah. You know, just to voice my concern. Yes. That you have got a mismatch in your, um, emails and, and checkout procedure. Yes. Lo and behold, you answer the phone. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's no one else at this organisation. There were a couple of interns at one point, but they went on to better things. Well, you know, if we'd sold a few more packets of toilet pay,

but maybe we could still afford to employ them. It's noble that you do pay for your interns. So was it advertised at a dollar for four? Is it the issue? No, dollar for a two big. No, no, I'll tell you what, exactly what happened. And this is, there's been a couple of fuck-ups with this terrible product sale. And so I think it's not misrepresenting to say that it is a terrible.

sale. It is a terrible, terrible product. There's some things that I get the impression that you're overstocked on that haven't moved as well as anticipated. Yes, exactly. But toilet paper, what happened was, so I started out selling it for a dollar and that's when I would have sent out the email. But then what happened was we got flooded with orders for like, you know, like 15 packs

of two packs of toilet paper. Now, the whole point is that sending out toilet paper is incredibly expensive. Like, no one's thought through the business model of home delivery. toilet paper except for who gives a crap. You have not thought it through. Yeah, but you're charging delivery. No, but I'm charging $6.95 flat fee delivery. Oh, okay.

But if you buy 15, you know, like 30 rolls of toilet paper, we're losing money. Shipping's based on volume. And so the warehouse rang up and said, Charles, you're going to be losing money on every transaction on this toilet baby if people keep on buying too much toilet baby. Like, they literally, you know, this is a great sale as long as no one buys the But isn't the way that all online stores work, that you charge an enticingly low price, then the shipping's like...

Yeah, that's what I should. Anyway, no, but then I just saw it in my haste, I thought, well, don't get rid of the nice shipping, you know, reliability. Just jack up the price so that people don't game the system to get too much toilet paper. But you were injured in that process because I thought no one will... Like, what's the difference? Like, just make it so that I'm not losing money.

But, yeah, you're right. I totally defrauded you. And I did feel terrible because, I mean, as I said, when you picked up the phone, I said, I haven't got you out of bed or anything, have I? Because you had that real sleepy tone about you. Oh, yeah, no. Well, that's just my customer service. He was up, like, worrying about the amount of shit that's in the warehouse, I suspect.

The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. But what I've offered, Marcel, and you, you know, gracefully agreed, is I found the sole rematch, because the thing is we had lots of, of different types of toilet paper. And even though he wasn't Prime Minister at the time, Peter Dutton toilet paper sold out almost instantly. Oh, they knew. People knew.

And so, and I, so I have the sole remaining Peter Dutton toilet paper at my house. And I was going to bring it in today. I forgot to bring it in today for you. And the great thing is the Peter Dutton one is brown colored. So it looks really bad. So is our complaint system now, Charles, is the complaint system now, like consumer affairs at the chaser, you have to, to come on the podcast?

Yes. Is that the way we're seeing any sort of customer service? You've got to, A, ring Charles's personal mobile and B, come on the podcast and complain. No, but the, yeah, well, look, no, it's just... And do the lights. You were going to, yeah, and then actually, Marcel came in and he said, oh, I'm in tech, and he's helped out with the lighting to the studio for the new studio. Yeah, it looks really nice.

Yeah. Do you want to be paid in toilet paper? Because I know, I know, it's got a bunch. Anyway, well, thank you. Well, so sorry is the... point. So publishes, accepted and

unrequired. Yeah. And, and thank you for coming on the podcast and helping us plug the

terrible product sale. You can go to chaser shop dot com. It says stock tax sale which turns boring

rather than terrible product sale. It does, but I've got it up here. And yeah, you know what's

a really good deal? The greetings from Bondi COVID beach towel. Yes. Oh, that's the other

one is all the Scott Morrison Morrison Beach towels. So a whole lot of people ordered the Scott Morrison

Beach Tower. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still relevant. Still relevant. And then the warehouse said, oh, by the way, actually, you don't have any of those. Because they sent through a list of things that they still had.

And they said, oh, you got like 20 inaction figure. It's got much an inaction figure. Oh, the beach towels. Got any Christmas cards? And they lied to me. Oh, yeah, we've got tons of Christmas cards. Signed copies of our CD. Yeah.

Which nobody would possibly want. Who has a CD? But why the hell did we release a CD? Remember when we released a CD? Oh, because we wanted to win an album. We wanted to, we joined Arya to try and win the CD, like to win an aria. Fabulous. I mean, some of us are.

And, and printed out a physical CD. It's a very nice award. Nobody bought it. Marcel, do you want, do you want an avocado pull toy? I offered him one and he didn't want one. Do you want five? Having listened, having, having, you're having issues with the avocado pill toy. Shut up.

I mean, it's starting with the concept. No. And I was thinking it through. How do you lie on it if it's got a bump in the middle? I mean, that's one of me. That's your issue. The joke was they can't afford a house. They can afford a smashed avocado.

But it was originally sold $59. They couldn't afford it. The idea was, I was thinking, like, aim at the baby boomer market to give to their kids saying, look, I'm not going to give you a house, but he's an avocado. And use the pool when you come over. Yes, exactly. And yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, because that's the thing is no one who doesn't have a avocado. house, doesn't it? Like, no, yeah. And you forgot that the boomers are already subsidising their children still to this day. And they're not going to give them anything else. And also I forgot that avocados is a 2017 comic committee reference and is now 2,023. You can get the 100th issue of the Chastin newspaper for $1. That's a pretty good.

That's a huge bargain, yeah. I mean, some of the jokes were topical for last year, but it's a nice piece of work. I'm very proud of that. And actually, I reckon the best product on there is the 20. 20 years of mediocrity. Chaser book. The best of the Chaser, which has all these interviews, like real interviews with the founders of the Chaser,

which we just, like, it's a really good book. And what's that going for at the moment? I think it's like $20. $15. $15. In our 20 years of producing a huge amount of content in 100 episodes, 100 editions of the Chase newspaper, there is almost enough for one decent book,

so we had to do interviews and add them as well. All right. Uh, Marcel, on behalf of, um, all at Chaser, who aren't Charles, you should have known this would happen. Come on. Yes. Look, optimistic. What can I say?

We should have put it, we should put a warning on the Chaser shop website. Warning. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Caviat Chasor. Yeah. So, Charles, I'm impressed by your openness. Yes.

Um, I don't know that that was a great idea for everyone who has a continuing complaint because we will have cues. There will be queues hundreds of people long. When you're as used to criticism as I am, you get very good at accepting criticism. You've done a lot of therapy to get that point, haven't you? You're so open to admitting the flaws in yourself. Let's have a whole episode about those flaws coming up soon. If you've got any email podcast at chaser.com.

It's a long list. You can add to it the things Charles needs to feel sorry about. Our gear is from Roe. We are part of the Iconocles Network. Get you tomorrow.