The Chaser Report - Oh My God! They Killed Harry! (You Bastards!)

Episode Date: February 22, 2023

South Park made fun of someone and finally went 'too' far. Meanwhile Charles and Dom take a look at some listener feedback. Plus gyms are all gone. All of them. No more fitness. You're welcome. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth. And I'm Dom Knight. Yay! Hello, we're sitting on your balcony again. Charles, this is such a lovely way for us to enjoy the podcast, but also the neighbourhood.

And we're very audible by the street, so we better be careful what we say. Yes, and this podcast is just going off at the moment. The amount of listener feedback we've had. during the week about the earlier episodes that we had, especially Monday and Tuesday's episode. We've got a lot of really great ideas. It's because you keep telling people that our email address is podcasting chaser.com. That are you.

Oh, shit. They keep texting me on my phone line, which is 0419282188. Oh, yes, that's right. And it's actually very useful because I don't have to check my emails. I'm not giving my phone number out. You can do that. You do that on national television. You attention seek you.

Well, we've got some listener feedback. And look, there's some fascinating news stories. Charles, Megan and Harry, not big fans of satire. It turns out when they're the target. Oh, really? Oh, has South Park turned their attention? Just a little bit. Plus, there's great news for unfit people.

Oh, that's great. That's certainly for me. So let's start with Megan and Harry. This is South Park, as it tends to do, lampooned the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, saying that they were going on a world privacy tour. essentially going everywhere saying get out and stop interfering in our lives

and at one point they'll let off fireworks and annoy some of the boys who are trying to do their homework doing fireworks to demand that people not pay attention to them Yes well that's that is actually a headline which is you know Harry takes to podcast book and TV to demand more privacy but that's uh you know they fly around with signs we want our privacy and stop looking at us

And they're also parodying a book that looks a lot like Prince Harry's book Spare, which is called, Wow. You've lived a life with the royal family. You've had everything handed to you, but you say your life has been hard, and now you've written all about it in your new book, Weir. Yes, that's right, friend. So you hate journalists. That's right.

And now you wrote a book that reports on the lives of the royal family. Right. So you're a journalist. Yeah. In a quote from Newsweek, it's hard to know how to, how do you respond to being made fun of? Surely you just laugh at it and look like you're just, you know, is it a well-adjusted, cool person?

Yeah, who can laugh at you and see the ridiculous side. It's like in the playground when you get made fun of. You don't then buy into it and go, I'm telling the teacher on you. That's how I first got into comedy, which I realised if I made fun of myself first, it would defer the bulbs. Well, the spokesperson told Newsweek,

this is baseless and boring. Oh, yes, that is a good, that's the thing. that they always throw at you. Actually, they're really boring now, those. Unfunny is the other one. Do you remember when Ben Lee came on the podcast last year? It was a very enjoyable episode. I actually really liked meeting Ben Lee,

but his response to our very old song making fun of him, which, you know, not necessarily the sharpest attack ever. It was a little bit of a side swipe. But his whole thing was, the thing just wasn't funny enough. Like, I'm into making fun of Ben Lee, but you couldn't have gone so much. further guys and he didn't elaborate how or what jokes he would have made about itself but just like my problem with it was you know just could have been about and it made me think

is it really your problem with it Ben is that but he did then duet on it with Andrew several times which was very exciting I think that this is Megan and Harry's strategy should be to go it doesn't go far enough let's actually do a satirical world tour demanding privacy You know what they should do? They should do a parody of themselves where they play themselves for Netflix. Don't they own Netflix like 10 shows? It would actually make them endearing.

If the people who were front and centre doing the best job of taking the pitch out of Megan and Harry in the world were Megan and Harry, I would be, because I've got major issues with them right now. I think South Park's pretty much spot on. They are very annoying and boring about wanting to be left alone. Make fun of yourselves. Do you think that actually they,

they have been being satirical that Prince Harry's book was actually a satire like it's called spare like it's a just sort of whiny thing for a prince a fucking prince to sort of complain

yeah I mean the rebuttal to every single objection he makes is but you're an incredibly wealthy prince frozen penis sure I mean we've all been there but also I mean there was the whole mum-dying thing, which is... Yeah, that wasn't. I mean, that's universally bad, but he still was a prince. It does.

That's how they should have responded. This is trampling on Diana's legacy. That's how... Oh, South Park. Princess Die would have been very upset with South Park. Have they made fun of Princess Diana? Is that the one sacred cow they won't touch? Because we have.

I don't think there are any sacred cows. I've been actually re-watching early episodes of South Park with my kids. Yeah, right. Because they're not quite old enough yet. So they love it. and oh my god there are some good episodes it is such sharp set oh they've just hit 25 years it's extraordinary and um there's even a couple of episodes where Kenny doesn't die remember Kenny yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean oh yeah I mean imagine if we in the chaser had actually

decided on a good format of television that we apparently we did it was good making war on everything yeah we do and what if we'd actually just kept making it you mean for more than three seasons. If we'd actually just kept doing the thing that we seemed to be good at and people like just doing, instead of everyone going, oh, I'm so overtopical. Let's write some timeless narrative comedy. Yeah, and us going, the problem with topical, of course, is that you just run out of ideas after a while.

You repeat yourself. Which you don't, because there's always new stuff. And look, much love to the collaborators who wanted to push themselves creatively and try new things. Was it a good strategy after all these years? I mean, I don't know. Is it, well, they've gone off to, I mean, they've probably had more interesting lives. Yeah, with more free time.

More regret. Yeah. More grist for the mill? I always like any one. Their end of life novels, memoirs will be. Anyone who does what, you know, follows their creative dream, even if it turns out to be ill-advised, it's very, very, it's a good thing to see. So, well done, well done to them. Okay, well, that sounds good.

We've solved the Harry and Megan problem. I'd like to see, actually, a... Should we invite them on the podcast? Megan and Harry. I think we say, look, you come on Australia's leading Saternity podcast because I think there is any other ones. And you can maintain your privacy because no one listens to this podcast. Actually, that's not entirely true. We do.

We have lots of listeners. I know. It's very weird. So the other thing is, Charles. Now, this is really wonderful news for the likes of me. F-45 Jones are going bankrupt left, right? I mean, who thought it was a fad just because they cropped up everywhere like some sort of COVID. So wait a minute, are they selling off all their equipment?

Yes, they're selling their dumbbells on Facebook might as good place, apparently. Well, but my understanding, look, I've never been to F-45, but my understanding of F-45 is that actually they don't use dumbbells. They use things like old tractor tyres and chains and things like that. So I'm sure that will go for plenty some on eBay. I have lots of fun setting it on a tractor tire. You know, the idea was it's called functional training, right? So the idea is that you, rather than just using dumbbells, which you would never lift in real life,

you do things that you would also never lift in real life, like chains and old tractor tires. You don't live on a fucking farm. So does this mean we don't have to exercise anymore because it's gone out of fashion again? It's financially unviable. Well, ironically, it's easier than ever because you can get a kettlebell. for $2 a kilo apparently on Facebook marketplace.

Do you have to pay for delivery? Because that would be very expensive. There's a whole lot of people who are going to get buff. They're going to buy equipment on eBay and then having to cart it off. Yeah, you carry it from the car to your garage and you never use it again. Never use it again.

No, the whole concept was it's only 45 minutes. It's different every day. How is that a concept? How is it? So I was 45. F-45. Functional 45. Hear me out.

No one holds a copyright on the number 45 minutes. Like any other gym. In fact, actually, I've got a really good idea. It should have been F-44. Oh, yeah. Undercut. Everyone would. Oh, wow, that sounds less.

Well, why don't we start a gym? You would have gone for that. F-5. F-5. You come, like, it's a really good five minutes. You go hard for five minutes. We'll get all the equipment from the 45. All the old kettlebells.

Yeah, yeah. F5, I love it. It's very good for leveraging your time if you're time poor. Yeah, very, and because of that efficiency, it costs the same price. It's the same value. I looked at it once or twice, just because it was trendy, you know. Yeah. I love wasting money on things that I go to.

Your aspiration. Yeah, I aspire to be the kind of person who could afford to go to F45. And, yeah, it's, it was like $60 or $70 a week, some ridiculous amount of money. That's someone, that's a listener sending feedback. Oh, my goodness. So the point is never join a gym or try and get fit because we'll just all in and so on it. Yeah, mind you, I would say that gyms are a leading indicator of recession. Because what is the first thing that, you know, you're going through your monthly credit card and you go, you know,

should I cut out the $699 Prime Video subscription? Should I cut out the $9,99 or should I cut out the $3,000 a month F-45 fees? Well, the other thing is, I suppose the difficulty, though, is that by the time, so what I presume has happened is that people have cancelled their gym contracts. But they cancelled it 12 months ago and took them so long that they're 45 to stop charging them. That it's only now that it's starting to buy at the gyms. They're probably cancelled it during the lockdown. Didn't a whole lot of Hollywood stars buy F-45? Yeah, Mark Warburg, bought in F-45.

Yeah, yeah. Never take investment. advice from Mark Warburg. The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whispers. Okay, so now we get to the goods. Yeah. Which is the, we've had a lot of constructive feedback from topics earlier in the way.

All texted to Charles. I don't see this stuff till now. I think it's because I've, yeah, because I've got my phone number out there. It's sort of more useful. So somebody pointed out, I think I'm. was Kelly, although this might be defamatory if it wasn't Kelly, if people die of silicosis. Oh, no, people listen to that episode.

I was hoping they wouldn't. It solves the housing problem. Oh. Because there's less people, and so they're less demand for housing, solves the housing problem, right? That's true. Very dark, but very true. Very dark.

No, look, but I think it's a very on-brand way for capitalism to solve the housing process as well. like, oh, well, we'll just, you know, create a whole lot of new kitchen tops that will get rid of people, you know, installing it, and therefore, we left this housing. Would we call that an efficiency, a market efficiency? Yeah, I think Philip Lowe would actually get on board. He would. With that idea. Anyway, so taking up that idea, I decided to call the housing minister, Julie Collins.

And I called her office earlier today. pitch was, look, we've got a couple of solutions. Like, I think I've got the solution to the housing crisis, but we've also got some listeners who've got some really good suggestions for how to reduce demand on housing. And they still haven't called me back. So, yeah. Well, their inbox is probably snowed by people who can't find anywhere to do.

I talked to a very lovely woman who assured me that Julie Collins would call me back. And I think the thing to know is that clearly, you know, when you ring up the government and tell them that you've got the solution to the housing crisis, they don't want to listen. They don't want to know about it. Probably because they've all got negative geared their houses and don't want to, you know, don't want to solve it. I imagine that's true. Well, clearly this is the solution, not to the housing crisis of everybody, but for the few you and me, we should go and become senators in Canberra and just get just negative gear properties.

Very good solution. And because the beauty of being, I don't know how this hasn't been stopped. But all you do is you get your partner to buy a house and then you get the government to rent it off them. I mean, to me, that sounds corrupt. I would use the word fraud, but apparently that's an entitlement. So the next one was about, you know how I made a call out for, or we made a call out for ideas of how to get around that, you know, the Woolies checkout that film. Yes, the big brother. The big brother checkout, yeah.

And this guy, well, the problem is his solution is a little bit incoherent. But basically it involved taking around a portable printer. What you do is you, I think his idea was you scan in a cheaper barcode and then you use the printer in store to print out a new barcode and then put it on a more expensive good. And therefore you sort of, like it's sort of, I don't know why. So is this, I'm getting into a few years. So are you saying his solution to make groceries cheaper is to buy a portable printer

and ink cartridges, which are the most expensive thing in the world. Take it to Woolies. So you're taking photos of barcodes of like, you know, five cent lollies or whatever the cheapest thing is you can find. Yes. You then print them out in the store. He is. Nobody notices. Yes.

Cut them out and stick them on to the product. Right. In fairness, he did identify the fact that people would probably notice you're doing it as one of the key flaws. But Dom, hear me out. In order to buy the printer, all you have to do is buy a printer and print out a barcode for the printer. And then you can buy a cheap printer. Just call it, I don't know, onions or something. Unless the woolly staff notice you photographing goods and then using quite a noisy inkjet printer in the aisle.

But then again, they've got fewer staff because they've sacked them all for the... Yeah, that's right. To bring in the cheaper checkouts. I don't think the AI has been programmed to go, oh, that's a printer guy. You know, like, I don't... We're at least a few months ahead of that. That was completely work in the unlikely event that no one detected you're doing. Brilliant.

Okay, and then the Coles Woolworth's thing stirred up a lot of actually just other comments about Coles and Woolworths and how shit they are. And apparently there's just terrible conditions for drivers. You know, who did the home delivery? Yeah, yeah. Apparently they have woeful conditions and also they have woeful customer service. There's some AI engine that spits out the driver's routes. Oh, so they've got to do it as quickly as possible.

Yeah, and the AI doesn't know how to drive around in Sydney properly. Yeah, sure. And so it creates these ridiculous routes that means that, you know, 1am, the drivers are still driving. So the whole system designed to automate and speed up. It's not allowed them slack off. Yes. Actually completely fucks up.

This is consistent in what we were seeing about it. AI, isn't it? It just seems to be a collection of ways to make things automatically worse. Well, I think it's very, I mean, if you did ask an AI driver, what would, an AI, you know, how would you, you know, be like a sort of gig economy driver around Sydney? It would just make things out. I think you go via Penrith to get to the airport. Or you could just ask a Tesla, the same question. It does strike me, Charles.

An AI is likely to come up with a solution like buy a printer and print your own barcodes in store. Oh, do you think that listener was an AI? That's quite possible. But let me just complete this anecdote, which is so I rang the union. I rang the Transport Workers Union, which is the Transport Union. You've been doing some research. Yeah, and I said, look, I want to talk to somebody about all the shit experience that drivers. You know, this must be your wheelhouse.

Yeah, yeah. Surely you can get somebody to talk about it. And they said, oh, yeah, no, yeah, the terrible conditions for the Coles and Woolworth's drivers. As it turns out, though, we don't cover our union, the transport union, which covers truck drivers, doesn't cover those particular truck drivers. you've got to talk to the SDA, which is the shoppe's union. Oh. Because actually by some quirk of union demarcation, they've ended up with all the truck drivers.

Okay. Right. And so there you go. I mean, the world's most successful retail business, Amazon, would have a much better solution to this. We just don't have unions. Yeah. If the workers start to unionize, you sack them.

Yes. Isn't that what Starbucks has just done? A lot of big companies has been, is it? No, no. The slightest hint of a union just sack everybody. No, no, to sack somebody because of the hint of the union would be illegal done. I'm sure they were sacked just for completely other reasons. In America, a far better country for workers.

Far more efficient. Yeah. So there you go. Like, transport workers' union can't do anything about truck drivers' conditions or indeed the consumer conditions. The thing. Julie Collins, the housing minister, can't do anything about housing. Probably because she's too busy, I don't know, approving.

coal mines and gas mines in Queensland. You know, if you want to tune in to a podcast that nobody talks to, then this is the podcast, which is why I think, you know, our next announcement, Dom, is long overdue. Long overdue. Which is that we looked at how much this podcast is truly worth, didn't me? We did. And we did this at about mid-last year. And we thought, well, it's probably worth.

I don't know, eight or nine bucks. Yeah, I'm eight or nine bucks a month for the ad-free edition with all the bonus episodes that we're going to do. And then, you know, six months later, we looked at it and we went, well, no, obviously everyone else in Australia looked at me. I mean, no, it's not worth eight or nine bucks. No, we have got some very loyal paying subscribers. Yeah, we do.

We do. A wealthy, independently wealthy. Thank you for supporting us. But no, we've decided that the one business in Australia that's putting down prices and we might put out a press release. The only business to be dropping prices in the whole of Australia is the Chaser report, which is now $3.99 a month to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or on Acast Plus. I think we're doing our bit for inflation.

I don't think Philip Lowe needs to raise interest rates anymore because actually Australia is now facing deflation. We've rebalanced the economy. The price of podcasts have plummeted. And that must be a huge part of the grocery basket that the Reserve Bank monitors. So our pitch was going to be, look, it's just like buying a. us one coffee per month. Yes. Then we check the price of coffee and we see significantly cheaper than coffee.

It's a 399 per month. It's about, it's a, it's a, you know, like maybe 75% of a cost. It's an instant coffee. Yeah. Not well, it's four coffees from 7.11. Aren't they two bucks now? Are they two bucks? Are they two bucks?

Oh, fuck. You know, we're screwed. So essentially, pity Charles and I as we try to survive in this increasingly expensive economy. If you can afford $4 a month to us, to pay us to make the podcast, You'll enjoy it ad-free, frankly, and it's a better experience. And look, we will have bonus episodes in Google. Yes.

And ignore the fact that you can just press the 30 seconds forward button on your podcast app. And skip the ads. And skip the ads for free. Just don't. That's the ad-free version. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's it for today. We'll be back tomorrow with more stuff for less money.

They do know that it's free. The people who subscribe, do they realize that it's also a valuable free? God, I hope not. Our gears from Road, we are part of the Iconicalist Network. Get you tomorrow.