The Chaser Report - Oyama Bin Skatin' | Nina Oyama

Episode Date: September 13, 2021

Nina skates onto the show with some totally tubular news from the radical world of skating with a hilarious personal anecdote, and Aleksa tries to convince Charles and Dom that North Korea are not planning on destroying the world - but can he be trusted? Plus Charles' completely accurate predictions for the next iPhone. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today's episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by drinking water. And by that, I mean out of a clean water bottle, not a water bottle that's been sitting full in the back of your car for four months. All right? Clean a water bottle, fill it up with water right now and drink that. All right? Drink some water. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Tuesday, the 14th, September 21. I'm Dom Knight. Charles Firth. Hello, terrible news, Dom.

What's happened? Has Gladys cancelled the picnics? What? We're going to die. No, no. This is far more serious than that, Dom. Is there a new variant of COVID? No, no, nothing to do with a pandemic.

This is about world peace. North Korea has just announced that they've designed and built and tested nuclear cruise missiles. Hang on a sec. And they launched them on the weekend. And they flew 1,500 miles and then landed on a target. that was like the size of a postage stamp. Are you sure?

Because normally when they do that, they completely go in the opposite direction and stuff up. Are you sure that maybe it stuffed up twice? It stuffed up in the first place. And then it broke again and went where it was supposed to go by accident. No, I am absolutely sure. I mean, listen, listen to this news report from the North Korea official news agency about the cruise missile.

Sounds very jolly. The incontrovertible proof that the cruise... cruise missile works and it's nuclear-armed. It does sound concerning, but given that North Korea traditionally hopeless at things like developing missiles and indeed feeding their own people, let's bring Alexer in. He's been to North Korea and is understood, I think, to be quite close to the regime.

Hey, Alexa. Hello, hello. I mean, allegedly close. I'd like to swear on Supreme Marshal Kim Jong-un that I have no affiliation with the government over there at all. But I think this missile's a great thing. I think it's... How can it possibly be a great thing? Well, it's like life gone back to normal.

You know, we had COVID. The whole world was like obsessed with that. A good way to look at it is it's like those articles that came out during the peak of COVID where they're like dolphins are coming back to the sea and all these other things. I think the fact that North Korea is testing missiles is just stuff's going back to normal now. Wait, so you're saying that a terrifying cruise missile is a form of nature healing. You know, I think North Korea is starting to launch missiles is like things resetting. You know, the world's coming back.

That's not good. So hang on, so one of you telling me that we're all going to die. We are going to die, dog. The other one's saying it's all fine. There's not a problem at all. A North Korea are friends in your view, Alex. Did they get to use, are you a spy? No, no, no. I just think they're misunderstood. I think that you'll only be scared of those missiles if you've got something to hide.

If you're a bad guy, then it's a scary missile. If you're just a normal good person, like everyone I know, it's fine. See, Dom, see Dom, they're going to attack everyone. And where the baddies? You know the weather. the baddies. You're both wrong. I don't know how it's possible, but I reckon you're both wrong and it's all going to be fine. I can't believe you're the optimistic one. You're never the optimistic one. This is terrible. Anyway, coming up on the show today, we're talking to

Nina, and she's taken up a very fun habit, which is hanging out with the wildlife in her backyard. Plus, the iPhone is coming up, and we've got a bit of a sneak peek about one of the features that you might find when the iPhone launches tomorrow. And we'll go to Rebecca Day and Emuno in the Chess Newsroom right after this. What's better than a well-marbled rib-eye sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled rib-eye you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool.

Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy. zero dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart. Groceries that over-deliver. The federal government has changed its position on vaccine passports after it was discovered that poor people could gain freedoms using the system. Vaccine passports will instead be replaced with net worth passports, which will grant freedoms based on how rich you are. The move follows the success of a similar approach across New South Wales.

Labour Senator Christina Keneally has come under fire after she announced she will be running in the culturally diverse seat of Fowler at the next election. Keneally denied that stealing the position from a woman of Vietnamese descent was a blow for diversity within the Labour Party, telling reporters that she actually loves Vietnamese food. Labor backbencher Joel Fitzgibbon has announced plans to step down at the next election. The veteran MP said he was retiring to spend more time with his cold donors. That's the latest Chaser news you can't trust. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno, and I approve this message.

Today's episode of The Chaser Report is brought to you by drinking water. And to prove how beneficial it is, I'm going to scull one liter of water as fast as I possibly can. Oh, I'll be right back. I've got to pee. Nina Ayama's here. Hey, Nina. Hello. How are you? I'm great.

Have you been enjoying the lovely weather and the great outdoors and the new rights that we have in New South Wales? Well, actually, I haven't gone on any five people picnics yet because, you know, Sydney is in a mockdown and I just don't want to be part of the problem. No, I'm kidding. I have been going outside a lot more, though. I've really, you know, I'm really getting to know my backyard space, which, by the way, I don't have an actual back. backyard. Like I live in Marrickville. I have like a concrete garage and then I have an alleyway that's like full of bins. And that's what I consider to be my backyard. Marrickville, the world's most what, livable and trendy suburb. So it's the bins and that's trendy. Yeah. It is, bins are cool.

Does a barista live within the bins? Like it's a pop-up coffee bar in one of the beans. Yeah. He's, and he only serves oat milk. It's so frustrating. Yeah, I've been going out into the bin alley because it's just something to like do like I know it's a weird thing to say if I'm in my yard like my house is like looms over me and like you can't really feel like that you're outside if I'm in my garage I guess like which is my backyard but if I go into the bin alley I can see like the full sky I can take in you know the sights and the smells of the bin alley and recently I started skateboarding and I realize my bin alley yeah it's the perfect place to practice skateboarding Excellent.

Wow. Do people still say gnarly and things like that? No, I don't think so. I'm not quite sure what that means. Is that really to tubular? Yeah, tubular. Yeah, tubular. Yeah, tubular.

From the 1990s. Talk like Keanu in Bill and Ted, basically, yeah. You're the Tony Hawk of Merrickville. I am the Tony Hawk of Mcville. That is absolutely not a flex. But yeah, I started practicing in my alley. And prior to this, like, no one ever went in the bin alley, right? Like, I would hang out there because I was like,

this is my special place. But the moment I started skateboarding there, all the kids, because Markville's also a bit of a family area, all the kids whose houses back onto the alley are now, like, it's their playground now. Are you their boss? No, I think that they've taken my spot. Like, I feel like I created a little utopia for myself. I was amongst the bins.

I was like, no one wants to be here. It's disgusting. But you know who's more disgusting than me? Children. You know who standards are lower than me? toddlers. But they're also, the other thing is they're all skaters, and they're all better than me. So if I wanted to go out there and practice, it would be too humiliating. Like, part of the appeal

was that I was alone. And now I'm going to get judged by an eight year old? No, thank you. That doesn't seem fair in a bin alley. Like, isn't, surely bin Ali is a sacred from judging. You know, where what goes on in the bin alley stays in the bin alley. Exactly. And also culturally, I love the bin. Like when I was young and I couldn't afford food, I was a dumpster diver. These kids, no history with the bins. Nina, can't you become one of those cruel old overlords who makes the, you know, pits the kids against each other in daring, dares?

Charles, are you remembering Oliver Twist or something? Oh, I was thinking of the Warriors, like the DJ from the Warriors being like, Warriors come out to You should get them into a pickpocketing ring and make a whole lot of money out of them. But who are they going to pickpocket? No one's outside. That's true. Like, Why don't you tag the...

Lost art. Why don't you tag the alley in all the bins so that it's intimidating? No, because then everyone will know where I live. And I actually am so scared that people will find out where I live because it's not that nice. People from the bin alley will find out or people from your large fan base. I don't know. Yeah. I don't think I have a fan base, but I don't want people to know.

know how I live or what I live like. Especially your parents. You don't want them to know. So you're imagining a group of people like rhyming through the bin alleys of Merrickville trying to find out of your arm of bin alley. Exactly. Like my bin has a giant penis on it. What?

There's just like a huge penis drawn on the bin. No. My bin especially. And I remember I put it on like a dating app once and I got all those messages like that bin is so cool. And I was like this is. Yeah. Like your standards are lower than mine.

This is not tenable. But yeah, I do think, like, my room is very small, and my room, my house is fine. My house is great, but, like, I feel like if anyone saw where I live, they would be like, ew. Are they not sort of pest problems with this back alley? The other people, people is the wrong word, that I share the bin alley with, are the rats. Ah. I will say the rats do not come out in the day. The rats are strictly, like, a night thing.

Like, it's kids in the day, rats in the night. but both pests, 24 hours all round, trying to destroy me. I write better at night, because I do a lot of freelance work as a writer, like my most productive hours are between like 9pm and 4 a.m. And so I'm like a huge nighttime guy. And sometimes I sit outside because there's like fresh air and like the moon is there. And it's like a vibe. Yeah, it's really, it's cool.

It's very peaceful. I think it's like no one can get to me or no one can like talk to me. And so then I just like have to write because I'm not inhibited by distractions. Except recently, at 4.30 every morning a rat comes out and it like knocks on the wall. Really? And it screams? Yeah. It's like a Marikville rooster.

Yeah. But like for 430, like for the bakers, I guess, this rat exists. Yeah, it does. And every morning, it's just me and the rat. Like, I think that's a weird thing as well. It's just like me and this horrible rat are the only creatures alive. What does a rat screaming sound like? It sounds like the worst thing that could, like, okay, I'll try and do it.

It's like, ah! Like, it sounds, it sounds like a squawk, but it also sounds painful, like it's stressed. I don't understand it, but I sometimes go outside and like... Maybe it's got writer's bluff. You know, honestly, I mean, it is 4.30 a.m. It's not exactly a time to be, like, lucid, so it's possible that I have imagined this rat, and this rat is like a figment of my imagination, my frustration with myself. It is weird.

Now that I think about it, the rat's like, you're bad it. I'm hiding and I'm like, no. But yeah, I do. The rat is, I hate it, man. Does the rat have a tiny little skateboard on which it does superior tricks that makes you feel terrible by comparison? Yes, that's actually what all the clanking and the clanging is. And you live in Anthony Ebenezi's electorate, don't you?

Eric. Yeah. Yeah. So that means there's rats in the ranks. Yeah. Oh, man. Hey. Hey.

Hey. Wow. Blending the political and the personal. And such a mastery chance. A 90s. reference, yeah. It was a beautiful tale of a woman and a rat in a skateboard and under the moonlight, but then Charles went and ruined it with Albo. And nothing good comes from bringing Albo into a conversation, Charles. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the

barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribai you ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instaccar. has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Today's episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by drinking water, something you should do. Every day. You're not a camel. You can't store water. For the love of God, drink some water. Welcome to Flight Center. How can we help you?

Hi, I'd like to book a flight Good luck with that No, it's me, Scott Oh, certainly Mr Prime Minister Is it an emergency? No, no, I just want to pop down to Sydney for the weekend Again Okay, would you like to take the personal jet

Or perhaps an F-18 from the Air Force? Do any of them burn coal? No, but we offer a brand new carbon onset scheme Well, we burn some coal anyway Oh, perfect, the entire federal cabinet will love that Fantastic, that's about 15 grand Oh wow, well, it's still much cheaper than the car park I bought this morning. Always a worthy investment, Mr Prime Minister.

Now, just before I go, can I interest you in adding on a cheeky trip to Hawaii? Oh, I don't know. I went there last time. We can do the Maldives. Oh, no. I mean, bushfire season is approaching. You've got to be prepared. Oh, good point.

And you do have a lot of frequent fly points to use. I certainly do have a lot of frequent fly points. Let's do it. Deal. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. Before we go, I just want to talk about the iPhone launch, which is happening at about 3 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Oh, it's nerd Christmas. That's right. This is Steve Jobs introducing the first iPhone all the way back in 2007. And we are calling it iPhone. They're always very exciting. launches, aren't they, Dom? So exciting. Always a new feature that they managed to hide from the press until the very day.

And there's been a lot of speculation about what the new feature will be this year, right? Yes. So I don't know whether you're across the rumours, but one of them is that it's going to be a satellite phone. I have heard that. Yeah. So it'll connect to, you know how Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are all building those satellites? in the sky. Yeah.

Well, one thought is that maybe it'll have that functionality. That would be so useful, Charles, if we were in a remote area and allowed to leave the five-kilometer radius in which we're currently stuck. I'd like to be able to get lost in the middle of nowhere. Well, I have voter phones. So my mobile phone coverage doesn't have my kitchen. My kitchen doesn't get any coverage. So I think maybe I could use the satellite phone for my kitchen area.

That'd be correct. Yeah. But my son, who's 10 years old, he's utterly into Apple products. He's just going through that phase of falling in love with them. Yeah. And he has his own thought about what the new iPhone's going to have. Really? And he's absolutely dead set sincere that this is a feature that may well launch tomorrow.

So I just wanted to share it with everyone in case it comes true. The scoop! Which is he reckons, and he's done all. the research, he's watched all the YouTube videos, read all the websites, he reckons that the next iPhone, I shit you not, will have a flamethrower. I know Apple's been doing it tough. Like they've had all these big battles with epic games and Fortnite and all that and the regulators.

Everyone's sniffing around than trying to, but a flame throw. How would that work? And the functionality he reckons should be that you blow into the microphone. Right. And the amount that you blow into the microphone would then be mimicked on the other side by the size of the flame. So if you blow really hard onto the microphone, it would blow it really hard out of the iPhone. So it's got a touchscreen which you could precisely direct the flame thrower, but he thinks that's too, that's too accurate and he just wants you to blow into it. Amazing. Yeah. And I did try and explain to him that having

flames around the lithium battery might not be the safest thing. Oh, yeah, that's actually a good point. But then he started going, well, can you not build an iPhone that's non-flammable? And I was sort of going, well, maybe they haven't yet. Yeah, so maybe that's the killer function for this year. But look, I mean, they made them waterproof. They didn't used to be. Remember, they'll be flame-proof.

But it's certainly true, Charles, that each year the new functionality gets a little bit more boring. Like you get a camera that's slightly better, or you get a LIDAR scan, which I still have still haven't worked out what you're used for. So, flame throw would actually be a genuine point of difference. I think everyone would, uh, everyone would talk about it, wouldn't they would? But what worries me, Charles, is that when Android copies that feature, a lot of people would get very badly burnt.

That's all we've got time for today. Our gear is from... Where is our gear from? Road. From some dodgy company on Amazon. Maybe you should do it. Please leave us to review on Apple Podcast. It really helps us.

And please mention the flamethrower. I think we need to get this idea going viral. Yes, that's right. So even if Apple don't do it, then Samsung can do it or, you know, one of the other companies. So yes, I love that idea. Follow or subscribe to the podcast as well. That really helps us out too because it means, so. It means more money for us.

It just makes us look more successful than we really are and we get more money. That'd be great. Our gear is from road microphones and we're part of the Acast Crater Network. Catch you tomorrow. See ya. What's better than a well marbled, ribies sizzling on the barbecue. A well marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribby you

ordered without even leaving the kitty pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over deliver.