The Chaser Report - Pandering to Political Egomaniacs | Mark Humphries

Episode Date: May 31, 2023

A year ago we had Mark Humphries on to talk about the Auspol MidWinter Ball, and he said he'd come back and debrief on it immediately after. Turns out 'immediately' is a very flexible amount of time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I'm Charles Firth and today, instead of Dom, who's off doing more important work, we have, unfortunately, Mark Humphrey. My apologies, listeners. Yeah, so if you can just, um... Just, you know, I'll give it a good... I'll give it a good shot.

Okay. Thank you. Should we just go to an ad? Yeah. Okay. Okay, now, Mark, a long time since you've been here. When was the last time you're on the podcast? Possibly, I know I came on here last year just before I was doing,

before I was hosting the parliamentary midwinter ball. Oh, yes. September last year. And so we did a pre-midwinter ball. Yes, and you promised to come on and. And tell us how it was going. And I lied to you. Well, we never invited you back.

Oh, okay. Well, it's a different way of framing it, but sure. Yes. And that was an extraordinary experience because it basically, you know, if for those who don't know, it's where all the politicians or most of them come together. They dress up in, you know, it's black tie. And most of the Canberra Press Gallery are there as well.

And it's a big sort of fundraising event for charity. and yes, and there's part of it, I was brought in to do a 20-minute roast, essentially. They didn't frame it that way. That's where I chose to interpret the brief. Yeah, so I was hosting it, but I was using it as an opportunity. Essentially like the White House correspondence dinner, that's something which I've always enjoyed watching. You're basically the Stephen Colbert of Australia.

Well, this is for others to say, and I'm happy to repeat it. but yeah so that was the sort of the job so you do a sort of 20 minutes of material and then I have to introduce the prime minister and then who then delivers a sort of a sort of comedy piece of his own and then introduce Peter Dutton to deliver his own comedy piece and what was very strange last year was that and I don't blame Dutton for this this is perhaps my fault but he sort of just misread the cue of when I needed him to come to the stage and so I started

I had about maybe two minutes of jokes about him that I wanted to do before his speech but I think once I said his name he just started walking towards the stage and so for the last minute of my

you know joke a minute of jokes about Peter Dutton Dutton was standing right next to me and I was just like, I'm not going to stop, I'm going to get through these jokes and you're going to just stand there and listen to them. And so that was, that was extraordinary. And it was also doubly extraordinary to then hear Peter Dunton, you know, deliver a comedic monologue. And was he, was he good? It was all right. Yeah, no, he and Albanese both, yeah, they were, you know,

they were solid. They were solid. Yeah. And, yeah, but it's such a strange environment where I thought, the people that I thought would be kind of bothered by some of the jokes that I'd done seemed weirdly thrilled to be mentioned or something. Yes. Yes. And it was strange. I had people come up to me after saying, oh, I was at the minister's table. I went to say specifically. But like, I was at the minister, whoever's table. And when it came to the jokes about them, I was too nervous to laugh. But then they were laughing really hard. So when they laughed, I felt like I could laugh. And I thought that was, that was so fascinating. And yeah, people that I thought I'd been quite meaningful.

to and really quite pointed seem to love the attention but yeah i mean it's almost like politicians are egomaniacs it's almost like that it's almost like that some might say that but what's your experience being of having because you know i think so much of what we do and have done over the years is from the sidelines but then you had much more sort of interaction with politicians and this was the one time of the year where i'm actually in the room with them so what have you found Have you found that to be the case where people that you thought you'd been quite mean to actually loved the attention? Yes, no, right from the word go.

You'd say really nasty jokes. Like, I remember for some reason, Anthony Albanese sticks out in my mind as somebody who he'd just sold out the entire left. We're not talking about current politics. This is the first time. Back in 2003. And for some reason, it was in Canberra. It was some big conference that all the politicians were at.

And it was a dinner. I don't think it was a midwinter war, some other dinner. And I remember we had prepared a whole of the stuff that was going to just destroy Anthony Albanese because he'd sold out, it was all about Labor Refugees. He'd just sold out the entire left in order to stop the boat sort of and join that sort of bandwagon that Peter Reith and John Howard. were peddling and uh and instead not only did he beam with laughter and and huge smile as we

were just roasting him from the stage but then he came up and like got a photo with his afterwards yeah yeah did you were you not listening and it was like back then he was really quite junior he was this junior burger and he got mentioned in his speech well it's funny I mean, that reminds me of how under the Morrison government, there was a sketch I'd done where I think I was, maybe I was Morrison's video director. Oh, yes, I remember that. Yeah, where you were sort of talking about how to...

You were talking like an auteur. Yes, exactly, that's right, yeah. Tony, that's right, Tony Chavelle was the name of the character. I wore like a turtle neck and glasses. Anyway, and yes, and I remember Morrison then tweeted the sketch out saying, you know very funny love uh love you love you love your love you love your jokes mark and it's just like oh yeah because on some level it's like oh my god the prime

minister's tweeting about me on the other level it's just like yeah but i can see what you're doing you're trying to kind of reclaim it you're trying to you're trying to spin it your own way and the same thing happened a few weeks later with josh friedberg where this time i was his director because he'd made a piece of content for social media which was just he was just He just wasn't a good day for him on camera. And yes, and so same thing from him. And then he brought it up in Parliament. It was in question time.

And he referenced me. And it was, yeah, it was really interesting just to see that kind of, oh, okay. If you kind of just pretend that you're okay with it, it sort of neutralizes it. And act as if you all sort of been on the joke. And the person who most annoyed Craig, who did most of it, like all the best, stunts were always given to Craig when we were doing The Chaser. And he always used to get incredibly annoyed at Pettico Stella. And I think after a while we ended up just not doing Petticcstello.

Because Pettico Stello was the original person to come up with the strategy of just laughing along. Yes, right. And actually, he'd say things like, oh, you're really funny guys, aren't you? With this sort of like, just tinder of sarcasm. But it actually just made everything look unusable because it was just. just too too sort of

cheesies you know everyone's getting along with each other type thing which is not what you want you want the confrontation of the politician

running away or well I love that thing that you had maybe maybe it was two years ago and I'm trying to think whether it was Loughlin that did it or

or I can't mean or was it maybe Alexia but you'll have to remind me and it was with Barnaby Joyce and it was some you know

set up that you guys did I think he's outside of Parliament House and he sort of was annoyed by the interaction. He then walked away, he came back and went, hang on, where are you from? And then whoever it was said, Chaser, and then just the reaction

from Joyce of, ugh. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. One thing I've always enjoyed about Barnaby Joyce says he's not afraid to, he has no hesitation about giving a very,

human reaction to things. Like if a question on Q&A, sunrise, whatever it is, come up that he doesn't like, he doesn't mask, he doesn't try and be a politician. He just goes, oh, like, you know, rolls his eyes and, you know, gets all sort of flustered and pissed off by it. But, yeah, I mean, back when there was those sort of stunts thing, I mean, I think about, you know, the one that always made me laugh was,

I think it was, the whole premise was that everyone, the politicians were all bashing refugees. And I think you had Craig with a bat. Yes. And then, of course, you could, it was so Latham that Latham was the one that grabbed the bat and then hit Craig with it. It's perfect. Yeah. So anyways, I'm hosting the Midwinder Ball again this year and it's coming up in three weeks.

So currently putting together my material for that. But it was funny just who came up to me afterwards. And the first two people that came up and were so complimentary were Bob Catter and Michael McCormack. And then I had to go through all my material and go, did I do some homophobic jokes or something? Yeah, exactly. What did I get those two?

But yeah, Catter was the first one to come up. Very funny, mate. And it was just surreal. Yeah. So anyway, bracing myself for them. And did anyone get angry at you? Not, well, I don't, not to my knowledge. I mean, no one came up to me and expressed it.

But were any complaints lodged with the National Press Club? That's a great question. I'm not, I don't, I'm not aware of, I mean, I've been asked back, so clearly I must have done something right. Or maybe I didn't go hard enough. Maybe, yeah, you don't. That's the aim, actually, is to not get invited back. If you're getting invited back, you're not doing it very well. No, you're the Billy Crystal.

You walked along that long. I'm a people blozer. I don't like to hurt people's feelings. But there was a funny moment during the, I had to do a sort of run through beforehand just so the organisers could just check everything was all right. And there was one joke where it was about one of the sponsors. And they just say, yeah, Mark, Mark, that's great, that's great. Just checking you're comfortable with that Quattis joke, just that you've got there.

I'm very comfortable with the Qantas joke. Are you comfortable with the Qantas joke? Yeah, yeah, no, no, of course, of course, just, you know, obviously they've got a table tonight. I was just like, yes, that's what's funny. So you did the joke? Did the joke, absolutely. And you got to laugh from every other table. So I'm presuming that there's some PWC material.

Oh, they'd have to be. I mean, they're sad, sadly, no sponsors this year because last year there was a bit of a scandal because... Some comedian pissed off all the sponsors with his jokes about them. That's it. Well, Woodside and Shell were a couple of the sponsors. And so I, you know, I did have a line about that. But, yeah, so I think after that happened, they've just gone no corporate sponsors.

So I presume I'm doing the show pro bono this year. I don't know. Just to do my bit. Yeah, for those struggling politicians. Yeah, if everyone could all just, you know, chip in. Because some of them only have seven investment problems. Yeah, I know, exactly. And so, you know who I think you should do some material on.

Oh, yeah. Who I think would take it really well. Lydia Thorpe? Yeah, Lydia Thorpe. Yes. Because I think there's a lot of comedy to be trammled in this whole voice thing. I think you should, as a white comedian, just sort of stumbled in and have a shot. Yeah, I think a good 18 or 19 of my 20 minutes should be devoted to that.

Absolutely. Yeah. No, it's, I mean, it's sort of like, there's a weird thing where it's, it's, it's, Because it doesn't get released publicly, which is sort of... Yeah, but there's a change, though, isn't it? Because it used to get leaked. And didn't they crack down on it last year? Yeah.

It really didn't get leaked. Nothing came out. I leaked part of my monologue. I put out just one of my jokes because I was very pleased with the reaction to it. So I do it for the people at home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just, it was about how... Because Anthony Abenisi has a pet dog tote.

That's right. And so I think it was... Isn't it wonderful to see a dog back in the lodge? Yes. Yes. Anthony Albanese has his pet dog Toto. Not to be outdone, though. The former Prime Minister had Alex Hawke.

And it was... You can hear on the audio, the laugh and then the ooh. Yeah. And then I go, he's not here, is it? And he wasn't. Yeah. So that to me is the sweet spot. The laugh.

and then the ooh, that's what I'm, that's what I'm making. And do you go out with them afterwards? No, well, there's a dance floor. So that's where it's sort of weird. That's very weird. Yeah, so last year there was Marsha Hines was performing. Oh, that's all right. It was very good.

She did a bunch of disco numbers, which I was thrilled about. Yeah. You know, disco dancer myself. And, yeah, so that's kind of weird just seeing who, you know, who's chummy. I mean, it is that sort of thing where I think they just, for that night, just, yes, they put their, you know, weapons down. But yeah, it is weird, sort of, you're, gyrating on the floor and suddenly bumping into, you know, Susan Lee or what have you.

Yeah. Dressed as Tina Turner was weird. And then do you pop off to the prayer room afterwards? Oh, that was a couple of years ago. There was a different time. Yeah, so that's, no, it was all very respectable, yes, no one disgracing themselves. Well, I can think of one, but I won't say.

Let's just say. He's in this room and he's you. I can't. You know, Marsha has that effect on me, really. So, Mark, well, good luck. Thank you. Will you come back afterwards and debrief us? Will I come back in a year from now?

No, it's had time to marinate, to terminate. Yes, that's right. Yes, no, I'll come back in a year, thank you, gladly. Our gears from Roe, we're part of the Iconiclass Network. Get you next time.