The Chaser Report - Party Time! (With 10 or Fewer People)

Episode Date: May 14, 2020

Who should you invite to your first dinner party as the lockdown restrictions ease? Dom takes a probing look at the man behind the anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne. Plus, Charles examines the delicate art of winning an argument with your partner while in lockdown. All that, plus the latest Chaser headlines from Rebecca De Unanumo in the Chaser International Global World newsroom. 
 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Instacart, groceries that over deliver. In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably, reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to the Chaser Report. Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another amazing episode of Australia's most beloved podcast. I'm Charles Firth and joining me today are Dom Knight and Andrew Hanson and restrictions have been loosening over the last week or two.

You know, you're able to actually have dinner with two other people in New South Wales and it's going to shortly expand to 10. Dom, have you taken advantage of that? Not yet. I don't have any friends, but my wife actually got us invited to a dinner party on Saturday night. I'm pretty uncomfortable about it. So what I'm going to do, I'm going to turn up to the house, take the plate of dinner and then go and sit in the spare room

and zoom in to the main dining table. I've got to stay safe. I remember you're doing that at a dinner party about four years ago, Dommy. I did it at your wedding too, remember? Yes, yes, yes. It's good. It's the only way that we really want to see you or interact with.

I do enjoy being able to press the mute button on you whenever I want, Don. Yeah, likewise. We're going to miss that. I recommend when the restrictions are gone and you can't mute anybody at any time, it's going to be hard to deal with. Andrew, have you gone out yet or gone over to a dinner party?

No, I'm sane. No, I'm actually a sane person. So, you know, the fact that the virus hasn't gone away at all or changed in any way and that the numbers are still exactly the same every day makes me think, well, why in shit's name are we loosening the restrictions that we had to have two weeks ago when everything was exactly as it is now? You're a socialist from the Daniel Andrews School of Socialism and Communism. That's the way we do it in Victoria.

Oh, yes. Now, the restrictions are loosening here, but there's actually been a spike at a Maccas here in Victoria, which is a bit, I'm hoping that it's not grimace and the hamburgler who come down with this disease. I'll be very sad. I'll be very upset. Makes a nice change from the usual norovirus, though.

They're bringing the lawyers. My wife and I took advantage of the loosening of the restrictions. We actually had a dinner party on the week. weekend, last weekend, we're only allowed two guests, which I think actually gives single people a massive advantage for the first time ever. Yeah. When you're looking at the guest list, you know how with couples, there's always one couple, you know, one member of a couple who you go, yeah, I mean, I like her, but I don't

really like him or whatever. So we found ourselves just inviting just single people over because you can then just maximise the quality of your guests. You know, it's genius. Yes. No, it's never been better time, hasn't it really? Yeah, exactly. Actually, that reminds me, Charles. Can your wife do this podcast next week? Andrew and I have been talking? I think it'll work better. She's such good company, isn't she, Domney? She's so fun to have around. Let's have her around.

Good at hosting. Fuck you both. I'm the A game. She's the B game. We all know that. The thing is that these restrictions are going to last for a long time where you're only allowed up to 10 guests and stuff like that. So I think it needs to become part of just what he's done. is if you're not on your A game, you can just get told to go home and then you swap them for another guest. You have a reserve spend outside like at a supermarket. Yeah, exactly.

I think we should do that. Yeah. Is there a nose swab that we can use at the door to test the quality of somebody as a guest? Because that would be quite useful too, I reckon. No, you're boring. You've tested it boring. You've got to leave. You've got to go in a quarantine for 14 days.

You're boring. Maybe there's a fingerprint test to just check anyone. Has he ever been an anti-vaxx-or or something like that? Coming up on the show, Dom is looking at the anti-lockdown protests in Melbourne. And we look back at the career of Alan Jones. But first, let's head over to Rebecca Dana-Muno for the latest Chaser News headlines. Lawyers across Australia today have joined the mass cues at Centrelink, following the retirement of Australia's most controversial broadcaster and Alan Jones.

Alan Jones got into trouble throughout his colourful career. and our lawyers say we can't even say that he liked to... Ask what they would be doing to make up for the lack of sexist, racist broadcasting on their station. Two GB representatives say they are in talks with a range of blonde breakfast TV presenters who would be perfect for the job. Trade tensions between Australia and China have escalated

after China threatened to stop buying Australian politicians. China currently buys almost as many politicians from Australia per year as it does tons of iron ore. Tensions have been rising between the country, ever since Australia joined with very stable genius Donald Trump in calling for an independent inquiry into how to blame China for all his own problems. China has threatened to turn Western Australia

into a fucking gaping open-cut mine hole in retaliation. However, experts say it's a bluff, mainly because that's exactly what Western Australia already is. That's the Chaser Report headlines, news you can't trust. Thanks, Beck. Hey, Beck, I heard you're having a dinner party this weekend to celebrate the easy. of the restrictions.

Yeah, it's going to be so much fun. So, um, so am I invited? Oh, uh, it's just that I've already invited nine people, so it would be illegal to invite you. Oh, oh, sure, but I mean, my wife is invited. Yeah, sorry, I had to draw the line somewhere. I'd totally invite you if it were legal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Yeah, sure. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often.

All right. Charles and Andrew. last week we talked about that theory that 5G mobile phone towers cause COVID-19 and how one of the guys that spread this theory also claims that the raw family are alien lizards. Well, I thought that was a bit of a red flag, David Ike, as we talked about in last week's podcast, but this whole 5G sinister COVID-19 conspiracy theory is more popular than I thought. A hundred people turned up to an anti-5G protest in Melbourne this week where they were chanting this. Arrest Bill Gates is what they want.

Why would they want to arrest Bill Gates? What's he ever done to them? What hasn't he done? I mean, like he founded Microsoft the worst. Like, well, first of all, there was clipy. I suppose everyone sort of, I mean, that's reasonable. Bing, that's another one. What about the Zoom?

Does anyone remember the Zoom? I bought a Zoom. Thanks, Bill Gates. You did not. Wouldn't it be great if they put him in a cell with Clippy just asking, do you want to get out? Do you want to get out? Do you want me to help write this application for your release?

It looks like you're staging a breakout. Do you want some help? I mean, the other bad thing that Bill Gates has done over the years is inventing coronavirus. That would be other terrible things he did. He would have gotten on well with the people behind this rally. Now, one of the main organizers and speakers was a guy called Phanos Panini. and he's got an Instagram account. It's a Greek name.

Phanos, Panis, the Voice. I know you meant Phanos, like the enemy who clicks all the gems. He looks like Thanos, actually, and that he's absolutely massive. He's incredibly muslin and intimidating. And his great fear is being microchipped with a vaccine. Because, of course, that's how vaccines work. They put microchips inside you. But it's not just 5G that Fanos Panini's the voice holds responsible for COVID-19.

He also blames the television. This thing here has called a television, tell a vision. This thing here has been telling us what to think, what to buy, what to eat. And now this thing has been terrorising the world. In five months, it's this thing that put everyone in their homes. I thought it was COVID-19, but it's actually the television that's put us all in our homes. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. The television was invented, what, in the 1950s.

And it's now putting us in our home. It's playing a long game, Charles. What a slow burn. I mean, was he angry that there were TV cameras filming him at this protest? I assume he doesn't want this protest to be broadcast on television either. He wants to be kept secret, does he, this whole protest? Nobody know about it. He does hate TVs, though, Phanos, so much that he's convinced a lot of his followers

actually smash their TV, at least a video, where he smashes his big screen TV. It sounds like this. The media, I've got a message for you. Here's my fucking message. No longer will we be programmed. Well, he's right. You can't program the TV after doing that. I don't think the G code would work at all.

Well, Paul, so the thing is he already had a big screen TV. Yes. I'm gathering. But he's now woken up to the fact that this purchase. And he hates the TV for telling people what to do. and so he's telling people to smash their TVs. He's telling people what to do. But he's not doing it on TV.

I assume he's doing it just on the harmless internet. Yes, on Instagram, because when does that ever go wrong? I actually saw this video of him smashing his TV, but I just assumed that he had young kids or something and they'd ask to watch the wiggle again. I think every parent can relate to that. That does make sense. But look, it has been influential.

There's a lot of people have been. smashing their TVs and a guy put together like a montage of all the smash TVs and there's probably about 10 people who smashed their TVs. And I look more into this guy, Phanos Panietis, the anti-TV of 5G, protesting guy. He's not a TV salesman, but in chance. He's a TV repair man, I think, Charles. I can fix your smash TV in just two weeks. Well, it turns out he has got a connection with the TV. Phenos Paniidis, the prophet of Instagram, starred on a TV show not long ago, a big mainstream TV show.

The hypocrisy! You're kidding me. He guessed what the TV show was that Fenoth started. Oh, he wasn't inside one of the characters on the masked singer, was he? It's the TV smashing guy inside the dinosaur. It's got to be, it's got to be surely a cooking show because they're the only show. Oh, yeah, actually, surely. Perhaps he was there doing Pete Evans' role before Pete Evans on My Kitchen Rules, was it?

Was he filling the sort of interesting spruca-type role? Well, I mean, I would have thought maybe like a four-corners investigation into the far right and all these movements. But it turns out you're absolutely right. Here is the TV show that Fannos starred in. This is Family Food Fight. Yes, Fados Paddiidis was a contestant with his family on the show. Channel 9 series Family Food Fight. Oh my goodness.

Well, so he partly has to blame himself and his family for spreading the coronavirus. If he was on TV and so were they. I mean, is he going to smash himself? I'm not sure a lot of people actually watched that series. I think that was part of the problem. The main beef that he has, I think, television is actually the judges of family food fight. See, they laughed at him a bit. And the weird thing is he was into smashing things even back then.

Because there's in one episode where he tries to smash potato. and it doesn't go well. Smash the potatoes. How do I smash him? Where's a rolling pin? So what he's doing is hitting raw potatoes with a rolling pin and they just fly off into the air. See, he should have watched the Wiggles more

because he then would have known about a hot potato, hot potato. So that's fast. The guy that wants to smash all the TVs. There is one problem though, I'm thinking. He hasn't thought this through, because if all of his followers want to watch his new Instagram videos in a few years time, they've all smashed their TVs. They're going to have to watch them on 5G. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. Now, we all have relationship troubles under lockdown.

Have you found that, guys, where things get a little bit tense at home? No, it's probably just you, Charles. Yeah, no, we're loving spending all this time together. Well, things have been a little tense in my household in the last few weeks. And look, I'm not actually, I know that you two are sort of, you know, males who can't talk about their emotions. But, you know, I'm actually not too proud to admit that my relationship does suffer under this lockdown.

And I think it actually, it got so bad that about a week ago, we actually just literally ran out of conversation. Oh, no. We just found ourselves at the point we were at dinner. and there was just nothing less, we'd said everything. We actually started just reading out tweets, funny tweets that we'd read that day. To open Twitter, you've got to be in a real state of desperation. Yeah, anyway, so it was our wedding anniversary, though, last Saturday.

Happy anniversary, right? 16 years? 16 years? 16 years? It feels like 16 years of isolation just the last couple of months. So we had it quite a nice night. on Saturday night and then on Sunday I was of course a little bit hung over as one is after one's wedding anniversary but my wife went into this whole let's clean up the house you know under lockdown like do a proper lockdown clean have your partner's done that year where

they sort of go yeah I must say yes yes that is happening that is happening yeah it's a horrible I don't like cleaning I love living in filth yeah it's much easier fine. You don't have to do it. All you do is say that you've got multiple cases of COVID and then this health department comes in and does a really deep claim. Oh, there's a hot tip. That's a great hat. There's a little life hack there, Dommy. Is that what you've done, Dom? Is that how you've sort of got through the last few weeks is just keep complaining about COVID and in medical authorities? Yes. How often can you get them in like twice a week or? Well, I mean, I'm now in in lockdown in an actual hospital. So that's, that's, that's, that's,

a problem with it. You do get locked away from your family forever. Anyway, so my wife goes into this massive lockdown clean and she starts ordering me around, you know, go and get the bins, you know, empty the other bins, you know, we need to get the bins and just blah, blah, blah. And do you not understand how cleaning works? And I sort of, and I mean, well, you can do that if you want, but, you know, I'm going to lie on the couch and read my book. Like, I'm not going to do that.

Anyway, she got very stern and just gave me the silent treatment for the next few hours, right? And the thing is, like, you know, like usually I would sort of then make my piece, right? You know, tell her I loved her or something like that. You know, explained why I didn't want to do a whole lot of work with a hangover on a Sunday morning. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer.

So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. for her, you know, like, you know, you know, just, but just sort of diffuse the whole thing. But then I thought, no, this is lockdown. You've actually got to, you've got to win. You've got to win the argument.

You've got to win. So, so not only, let me get this straight. So not only did you refuse to help your poor wife keep the house clean for your children, but you also then went on the offensive and went on some sort of attack. Is that right? well no no no this is the thing because because attack you know like i always lose if i go on the attack like of course you're going to lose if you go on the attack this is my brilliant solution that i want to tell you about which is the way to actually win an argument in lockdown is to

just do the silent treatment back right so oh well i've never heard of this before nothing she can do because she can't leave you because like she's starting to suck, right? And it's literally against the law to leave you, right? So I'm doing the silent treatment. She's doing the silent treatment. Checkmate. Checkmate. Five days. She still hasn't talked to me. It has been absolute bliss. It's brilliant. Andrew, do you think we could somehow get Charles to give us the silent treatment on the podcast? Oh, please. The Chaser report. Less news more often. This show is brought to you by the loosening of lockdown restrictions. They're great. In some states, you can even go to the pub now. In others, you can have 10 people over.

Are you going out this weekend, Dom? No. But I could, thanks to the loosening. Yeah, I'm not either, actually, Charles. But it is great to know that I could. The loosening of the lockdown restrictions. Now, you can choose not to go out on the weekend. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Chaser Mailbag. Yes, we're going to take some questions. Questions from listeners who've written in during the week.

First one is from Lucy Lockyer, who asks, Have you joined Hillsong? I've heard it's a stepping stone to Parliament. Andrew, have you joined? Well, if it's a stepping stone to Parliament, then I'm definitely not joining. Who would want to end up in Parliament? I am, yeah, look, I must say I grew up in the Hills District.

But I'm a bit too old, you know. I don't think that church was really around when I was a kid, but yeah, look, I'm not putting my hand up to be a politician and it'll be awful, awful job. I mean, I was raised Christian and I'm extremely gullible, so you think I'd be the one to do it. But I can't afford it. I've actually looked into Hillsong a lot and they've got ATMs in the FOIA. I can't afford to be a member. I did want to sign up, but my credit card got rejected.

So I suppose I'll just never be able to go into Parliament. Oh, same Charles. In Hillsong's credit, they are turning into, I guess, a mainstream church. They're very big now, Andrew. and their global head of Brian Houston protected a paedophile, just like the Catholic Church. They're big time.

Oh, well, look, who hasn't, who hasn't, you know, protected the odd one in their day? But I actually, no, look, I must say, I've been to a Hillsong gig. It's like a gig, basically, when you go. That's amazing. And actually, I went to one in Sydney,

and it was great. It was great. It was actually fantastic live music gig. There's incredible band, the superb sound system. It's literally, I mean, before the pandemic hit, it was pretty much the only, the only chance to see live music in Sydney. So no wonder they're so popular. Well, there you go,

Lucy. I hope that answers your question. Next question is from James B. Murphy. And he asks, is it ever going to be possible to dig around Queensland and tow it to the USA? We could just leave it on their coast, ring a bell and run away. How do people like that idea? Well, they're about to by Virgin Australia. So they could just all fly over there. Couldn't they? Couldn't they? They'd do a new west Queensland or something over in the New East Queensland in the US?

That's not a bad idea. You mean, turn the hold of Queensland into a form of transport. We could sort of use it as a large kind of boat or a cruise ship. I mean, the cruise ship industry is in trouble. What about Queensland? Just hop on that and go off for a nice trip. And it's full of coal as well. So you could probably just tag it over to India, drop the coal off there.

and then drop the rest of the people, the people you'd want to get rid of, maybe just tip them into the Pacific Ocean. Oh, rough, fruff. I love Queensland as child. I love Queensland because it's a fun, it is, it's a fun party, it's a party ship. You go to Warner Brothers movie world, dream world.

They take your life in your hands a bit, but, you know, I think it'd be a great holiday. And the final question is actually for Craig Roocastle. Yeah, hi, so we've got a question here from Sonia Deering asking me, which bin should I be using to recycle my used face masks, disposable gloves and empty sanitiser containers? Well, let's start with those empty sanitiser containers and if they are PET plastic for instance, it's best to put those in your recycling in like, oh, hang on, that one's filled with bottles and beer cans. Anyway, I guess, you know, you get the idea. I guess I guess I

for the face masks, if there are paper ones and they're not contaminated, you can put them into your paper. Oh, that's also filled with booze bottles. So I guess, look, look, I mean, they're probably contaminated. You probably just want to throw them all into your red. Also full with those bottles. Well, I guess you should just probably, would have to be. clean them all and send them to America because God knows their government aren't getting

the many. The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. The show today is also supported by BuzzFeed Australia's news operations, which unfortunately have announced their shutting down. Check out BuzzFeed today to find the 17 reasons for why they're shutting down that only 90s kids will understand. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. News World Roundup. Charles Andrew, another round of the world's most important news headlines. Let's start in Japan, where they're using robots during the lockdown for jobs,

ranging from hotel cleaning to medical reception, to security patrols. They've even got robots visiting aquariums so that kids can go on tours by remote control. Isn't that cute? Should we be using robots during the lockdown here in Australia, do you think? We're missing out on this high-tech approach to COVID? at 19. Yeah, look, I am dying for a robot to be able to take out in public with me and touch my face while I'm in public. Oh, wouldn't that be nice? Just a scratching robot. It's so good. Oh, well, we're missing a trick, I reckon Charles in it here in Australia because we've got our very

own Australian robot who's perfect, absolutely perfect for the situation we're in. And that is Dexter from perfect match. I mean, the whole problem we've got is that you can't go out on dates with people and sit close to them, whatever. But, you know, if Dexter would step in and fill the place, you could go on a date with him. And you could take him home to bed. You could tap his little mental butt and everything. It'd be great. There's actually a huge range of things you could use robots for.

And not just, I mean, actually the sex robot is a great idea. But also just getting exercise. Like, imagine just sending a robot out to do your jog for you. It's so much better. Right, wouldn't it? Stay in bed. Robot, go to the bottle, I get some more poos. But do you think there's a chance, though?

I mean, the robots, they're smart these days. They'll figure out the problem is actually humans. We're the ones with all the disease, infecting the planet. Will they turn against us, like in Will Smith's acclaimed documentary, I-Robots, if you've seen that. Well, Tommy, that's a very negative thing to put in our minds at the current time. As soon as we fix the pandemic, we're going to be overrun by robots, this is the last thing we need.

Killer robots. No, but it'll be all right because what we'll do is we'll just get Bill Gates to ride a virus to infect the robots. Perfect. Yeah, which won't work and then they'll all break. All right. Now, I know we're Apple fans here at the Chaser Report.

Great news. So Apple have recently released a magic keyboard case for the fancy iPad pros. It wraps around the iPad to protect it. It's got a really fancy keyboard and so on. The ones for the biggest iPads actually cost $589. bucks, amazingly enough, in Australia. So one company, enterprising, has released a $100 case for the keyboard case.

Oh, I know you guys are big on Apple Gear. You're going to get one of these case cases? Oh, no, no, I'm worried that the case case case would get damaged and I'd need to spend $30 on a case case case. Kind of like a to duckin of cases, isn't it? An eye tutken. Charles, you've ordered, just ordered some fancy Apple Gear. Are you going to get on board with this one?

Yeah, well, the thing is, I didn't go. I thought that the keyboard case sounded a bit to sort of good value. So I actually ordered some Apple wheels. Have you seen that? They're $1,049 in Australia for four wheels for your computer. So it's absolutely true. I'm not making that up. Wheels?

What is it so you can ride your computer to work? No, it's because if you buy a Mac Pro, it's quite heavy. And if you want to move your Mac Pro instead of picking it up, You need to put it on wheels, which cost $1,000. You can get, like, wheels for $7.99 at Bunnings. No, bear of castor wheels. I've got them on my heater. I don't think those wheels from Bunnings will fit in my wheels case that I've just bought.

But do you have a wheels case case? Yeah, well, I'll have to get one now. What do you think is next from Apple? What are they got in the pipeline? Can they top the case case? Hmm. Look, I mean, I would like, I would like to see Apple move into fruit product. I think the Apple Apple costs 600 parks would be just amazing. Yeah, so imagine how much the wheels cost.

Hmm. And the case. Finally, uh, to the UK where a curious trend is sweeping the video sharing app TikTok. Here is the original challenge that was set by a comedian, I think in Canada. Pea your pants challenge. It's the pee your pants. challenge, but what you've got to do is film yourself, wetting yourself. What do you think? Right. I mean, well, TikTok is for children, isn't it? Is it for very young children? I mean, is it for two-year-olds? Because I think there'd be a few of them would not step up to the plate.

Yeah, my daughter's very good at this one. Do you think people are actually doing it? They'd reckon it's actually taking off? Well, I mean, this is actually an Australian invention, isn't it? because Todd Carney was the pioneer of this video form, wasn't he? But Charles, Todd Carney wasn't wearing pants on his mouth at the time. It's a different challenge. Now, this guy who started the Pea Your Pants Challenge, his name is quite genuinely Liam Weir. And he meant it as a parody.

He was like, can I come up with a challenge so stupid and easy and pointless that no one will do it. But it turns out dozens of other people have taken it on and they all use his dead pan sort of audio. So if you watch a montage, just put Pee Pants Challenge in YouTube. You'll hear this. Pee Your Pants Challenge. It is very, very strange.

Charles, the Chaser I know has a TikTok account these days. Are we on board with this challenge? Yeah, yeah. Look, I didn't realize it was a parody. I'm totally on board with it. I actually have done one. Mike, I think you've got the audio. Pea your pants challenge.

Oh, come on. Bugger. Yeah, I couldn't do it. I couldn't get it out. You know how it's hard to pee on demand? It's hard. Look, I think people are sort of criticising this is a bit pure old, but actually it's a high-skill challenge.

I wasn't able to. I cannot believe you haven't been drinking enough to pee on demand, Charles. That's not the Charles I know. But look, I can imagine celebs, and no offence to you, Charles, but even bigger celebs than Charles getting on board, who do you think will be the first to have a go? Oh, yeah, I can imagine. I can just see, you know, somebody like Margot,

Robbie doing this on her Instagram. Helen Mirren. Helen Mirren, I can see. Absolutely. Robert De Niro might be there. Yes, I could imagine Leonardo DiCaprio getting in on this during one of his environmental message videos. Perhaps during one of his United Nations speeches,

he might break into a pee your pants, shall I? Yes, well. I can imagine Donald Trump watching. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. often. Well, we're coming up to the end of the show.

Oh, hang on. We've got some breaking news from Rebecca Dayunamuno. Yes, guys, an NRL player who takes hits to the head for a living says he's worried that the flu shot might be bad for his health. People need to be more careful with their bodies, warn the 25-year-old prop, who was stretched unconscious from the field six times last year. Thanks, Beck. Now, check us out online at chaser.com. and if you want to go on TikTok, you can find us at at chaser.com.com.com.com and also

Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Search for the Chaser report in your podcast app of choice. And remember to hit subscribe and remember to review us so that we get all the reviews because that's the most important thing, isn't it, guys? No, they're really mean about us. Well, there's that. It doesn't matter. But even a bad review is probably better than nothing. Yeah, look, if you're related to Dom or one of Dom's friends, don't review us. But everyone else, please review us. And thanks to our producer, Mike Liberali. Anyway, you might have heard during the week

that Alan Jones announced his retirement. He's, of course, the Sydney Radio shock jock. So we thought we'd leave you with a little bit of a package looking back over the career of Alan Jones. Alan Jones, you were always the gentleman. Oh, fuck this. An understanding, man. Even when you were given the wrong instructions.

I don't see where my life should be made of fucking misery because I'm not given the right instructions. A man of great. reverence, even when there was dust in the studio. Oh, there's fucking dust in this studio. Someone who never felt threatened by powerful women, whether it was Julia Gillard. Don't have that lying bitch on your program again. I had to move the dial to another station. Or Jacinda Adern.

To shove a sock down the throat. I mean, she is a joke, this woman, and an absolute and utter lightweight. Or even Clover Moore. Put her in the same chart bag as Julia Gillard and throw them both out to sea. to work with. Oh, God, nothing is working today. You were a ray of sunshine. Jesus, I hope someone understands how fucking irritated I am by this. A people person.

Whoever wrote that ought to be given a hot knife. Kind to all. Preferably across the lower part of the throat. Dreadful. Not to mention a word smith. Fuck me dead. Alan Jones. Your flawless professionalism will be missed.

Shit. I have to start again. I don't give a fuck. I'm not doing this again. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper

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groceries that over-deliver.