The Chaser Report - Peg The Chaser | Vic Zerbst

Episode Date: September 14, 2021

Fashion correspondent Vic Zerbst enlightens Dom and Charles with fashion news from the Met Gala, and also teaches them about pegging. The latest iPhone has been announced and Charles and Dom have mixed feelings, and Christian Porter provides full transparency on where his funding came from. Plus Aleksa has a depressing update on Afghanistan. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by arbitrary ways to improve the analytics for our podcast average listen time. This is me talking backwards. Ian Amorff, you should replay this a couple of times until you can work out what I said. I think that'll be really, really fun. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report on Wednesday, the 15th, September 2021. Dom Knight here with Charles Firth on new iPhone Day. day of the year, Charles.

What a disappointing announcement it was this morning from the Steve Jobs arena. Just want to be really clear that we definitely got up at 5am to record this based on what actually happened at the Apple keynote, okay? In no way did we record this yesterday and just try and guess based on the same way that these things always go every single year, okay? That's our promise to you. No, but the new features that were announced at 3am this morning and that we definitely heard are all, I mean, it's just lame.

It's Apple, like, I'm calling it now. It's over for Apple. I don't think that they're even going to be a company in a year. You just cancelled Apple. That's extraordinary. Cancel Apple. Cancel culture has come to Apple because, A, no flame thrower in the I, not even in the pro models. So, I mean, what's the point of upgrading? You'd think that the pros would come with weapons of violence, wouldn't you?

Exactly. Like, what did we get? We got, oh, wow, a little bit of an extra better lens. Who cares? marginally upgraded camera system. That's all they do every year. It's just a slightly better camera system. But you know the thing that does change every year, Charles, is the price.

Yes, yes. But Charles, you're discounting the refresh rate. They changed it from 60 hertz to 120 hertz. It's a game changer. Oh, absolutely. Look, I'm looking forward to, you know, telling my 75-year-old dad that he needs to upgrade his phone because he'll get better frame rates in Fortnite. Yeah.

On the incredibly tiny screen watching movies. It's slightly high refresh rate if the content is recorded at a high refresh rate, which it isn't. I mean, the thing is, when you look at a phone, you go, you know what I hate about this? The flicker, the side-eye flicker. That's the problem that I'm facing. No, no, look, that said, you know, like this is probably the worst thing ever. Apple is definitely cancelled. That said, I am definitely ordering one on front.

Oh, yeah, I've already ordered mine. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, me too. I'm definitely getting one. I just don't know whether to get the pro version or the pro-max version or just get two pro-maxes. But Apple's over. It's over. Coming up on the show, we're talking to Victoria Zerbst.

She says that it's like her favorite day of the year or something like that. It's not, I don't think it's the iPhone though. I think it might be the Met Gala. What? The Met Gala? I don't even know what that is. You'll find out very shortly. And in just a moment, we're going to take you to Rebecca Deenamuno in the Chaser Newsroom to kick things off.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. In an effort to increase Labor's diversity,

Anthony Albanese has declared himself a diverse candidate after his ancestry.com results revealed he is actually 0.05% electable. Despite his Italian heritage, a search on Ancestry.com revealed he is descended from a long line of failed, forgettable labour leaders, including Kim Beasley, Simon Crean and that last guy. The Jehovah's Witnesses have undergone major rebranding and renamed themselves, Jehovah's, shh, you didn't see anything. The revamp comes in an effort to distance themselves from anything to do with the idea that witnesses should be trusted or required to do any sort of mandatory reporting of. the truth. Controversial backbencher George Christensen has been slammed for creating vaccine hesitancy after supporting Ivermectin as an alternative treatment. And in completely unrelated

news, Ivermectin has recently been acclaimed as the miracle cure-all for herpes, chlamydia, syphilis and susceptibility to horseshit. Those are the latest headlines from the Chaser's satire slave shed. I'm Rebecca Dayunamuno. The Chaser Report. More news Less often Now a very good friend Vic Zerbst is here To tell us about her favourite day of the year

Hey Vic Hey guys, how's it going? Yeah, good So why was yesterday your favourite day? Oh my God It literally was the light of this dark year It was the Met Gala What is the Met Gala?

Okay, so it's like a costume gala For the, you know the Met in New York? Yeah, the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Yeah, yeah So it's a museum of like arts and stuff And they do like a costume exhibition or whatever. And so they have like all like celebrities and like important people dress up in the craziest outfits based on the craziest theme. And this year, I mean, this year, okay, this year kind of blew me away in a weird way because the theme was like, so it was all about, it was called in America a lexicon of fashion.

So all these celebrities. And it was like co-chaired by like Billy Elish and Timothy Chalameh, Amanda Gorman, Naomi Osaka. So they're trying to get really young people on board. They're trying to make it really fresh, trying to make it really new. And all it is, you guys, is just celebrities wearing looks. And then people take pictures of them and they put them on the internet and then conversations happen. And that's it.

That's it. And that's why I just like sit there and I'm like, okay, show me these looks. And I'm just looking at looks. So it's basically red carpet without having to them watch the Oscars at the end, which is a plus. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's just for the look. As our fashion correspondent big, what was some of the hot looks this year? Okay, it's a great question.

So I'm not sure if you guys know Kim Kardashian. I have heard the name. Never heard of it. So she is kind of famous. She was O.J. Simpson's, one of his lawyers or friends, Robert Kardashian's daughters. And then she, like, started all these businesses and was like a reality star. But she wore an entirely black from head to toe outfit. She looked like a shadow.

Wow. She was like she existed in negative space. which I think, I think says a lot. Like, I really like to read into these, into these looks. I feel like she walked, like she was basically a shadow of herself. I've always felt that Kim occupied a negative space. That actually seems consistent. Was it, was it a Muslim thing?

Was it sort of, in solidarity with the... It was like a morph suit. Really? Oh, right. Oh, right. So is it like she's going to do something? Like Abba. She was like in a 3D outfit. Is that what you mean?

I kind of describe it anymore. She was in a morph suit. It was all black, and there was like a trail behind it. And you could see her figure, because it was all tight-fitting, and she had it over her face. She just looked like Peter Pan's shadow. Wow. Okay.

Yeah. Well, that's, okay. I'm interested. Okay, what else was it? Well, this is what I'm saying. It's so cool. So one of my favorite musicians, Frank Ocean, carried a robot baby, a baby robot. And did the robot work?

It just like, I think it kind of moved its mouth a bit. He had like his green hair, and he carried like a baby robot. Oh, Lil Nas X for this incredible gold cape, and then he took it off. and revealed, like, C3PO look. He literally was C3PO. I just saw Kim Kardashian outfit. I didn't quite get a sense of how entirely body covering it was. It's like, it's less revealing than, like, the full burker.

Yes. Extraordinary. So Little Nazat X was C3PO. That figures to me. I can completely see him owning that. Yeah, and it was kind of like, you know, American, American fashion. Billy Eilish did, like, this Marilyn Monroe, like, gown. Like, she had, like, the blonde hair.

She was channeling a lot of, like, 1950s. era kind of celebrity was like conjured through the imagery um and then it also wait a second it gets political carrielle wore this white outfit and it said peg the patriarchy on it oh nice a lot of what does peg mean in that context oh my god i'm obsessed that you've asked that question dumb i'm so excited you've asked do you know what pegging is uh no oh my god i'm so happy right now i actually could cry i feel like i'm the i feel like the guy in that sketch that you did with Charles. Literally, I'm like so happy.

Charles, do you know what pegging is? Isn't pegging that? No, that's scissoring. Oh, that's scissoring, right? Yeah, at least I know what scissoring is. So, okay, pegging is when a girl, I'm, no, I'm pretty sure. I don't know gender it, but it's when someone, no, I'm going to say, like, usually a woman will put on a strap on, dildo and have anal sex with a man.

Right. So a guy wants to get pegged. So a guy would be like, yeah. So fuck. Petriarchy up the ass. Exactly, exactly. Yeah, well, okay. The only thing is Patriac would probably enjoy it.

But yes. Well, possibly. Oh my God, you guys have to look up pecking after this. This is so exciting. This is like the whole, like this is the raise on detra of the episode is you guys learning what pegging is. That's the episode title. Charles and Dom learn what pegging is.

I think we're just going to lock down it right now. I'm so happy right now. Peg the podcast. Can I tell you this is why I love the Met Gala? Because these are the conversations that you get to have. And finally, This is a political one. AOC, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

She rocked up at the gala in a white gown with the lettering on the back of her gown, tax the rich. I like, particularly at the Met Gala, where she's basically, everyone who sees her dress is like, oh, that refers to me. Oh, yeah. Like, she would have been the brokest person in the room, let's be honest. No, truly. I mean, I think celebrities have to pay like $35,000 to go to this thing. She wouldn't have. Like, there's no way.

She's getting comps. But it is, it's a. it's a fundraiser so they raise funds for the museum but it's so crazy and then of course we had the drama with nicky menage saying that um because the met gala is like making everyone get vaxed yeah and then nicky minage was like no i'm not going to get vaxed have you just heard about i saw the tweet it was so weird what was what exactly was her reasoning again yeah it's so crazy and her whole thing was like i like i'm not going to get vaxed just because the met gala wants me to be vaxed and then she used this like story this little anecdote that i honestly

I'm like have been in a Kiminage fan I'm a bit of a barb she's so funny she's really clever and part of me is like is this like what is this like is this I was like is this some kind of like meta like irony kind of like I don't know what it is but she goes like my cousin in Trinidad won't get the vaccine because his friend got it

and became impotent his testicles became swollen no but isn't the point that clearly her cousin got an STD weeks before the wedding so it's probably that's probably why I got called off yeah but Also, surely the author of the song Anaconda is in favour of obscene swelling in the genital region of men. I saw that.

I saw that song. No, I like that. I like everyone should have swollen balls. Because they're saying that the vaccines and Pfizer vaccines or whatever, like make your boobs bigger if you're a girl. I have read that. I have read that. But it goes away. It's not necessarily all bad, is it?

I think it's terrible. No, no, no, but maybe not the breast. but swelling of the groinel area, that's not necessarily bad, is it? Charles, you've had Pfizer. You've actually had this vaccine. Has it affected you in this matter? Yeah, no, well, yeah, look, I don't want to comment on the size of my balls. I had Astra, and I'm fine, that's all I'm saying.

But you see what I mean? Like, the Met Gala, you guys. I just wish Australia had something like that. Well, oh my God, I think they tried to do like a powerhouse museum costume gala last year and there was like this big scandal with like money laundering order. There's something going on. I don't know what it is. But I think that's so funny because even that wasn't like funny, fun costumes.

I totally agree the idea of having a super Australianer Kitch Met Gala is my dream. And I think I know what I'm supposed to do with the rest of my life. We should make it happen. Australian Met Gala for the benefit of the Museum of Words. Yes, that's right. That's a deep cut from Charles's biography, by the way. Okay, we'll do. Well, Vic, thank you for all of those donations to our Museum of Words.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. This episode is brought to you by Arbitrary.

ways to improve the analytics for our podcast's average listen time. If you add up the amount of times Charles said the word if in this episode and you comment that number, you'll get a special prize. Now, the US has left Afghanistan, but not entirely. Alexa has been following this story. Hey, Alexa. Hey, hey, yeah, it's a depressing story after a depressing 20 years. But there was this final act in Afghanistan for the US, a little parting gift to

remember them by a drone strike oh i was wondering was going to be like a little party or something or some gifts or i mean look there were lots of people there there were children there was all it was kind of like a party but um no it it all started about two weeks ago when they were evacuating cabul and you had those huge crowds at the airport and there were warnings of a terrorist attack which ended up happening you had a suicide bombing 169 afghanis died 13 u.s soldiers and Isis K took responsibility. So yeah, it was a pretty horrible situation. It was.

But it was super weird for me now. I don't want to get too conspiratorial, but like less than 24 hours after the explosion, the US launched drone strikes that kill the planners of the terrorist attack. And this felt weird to me because I was like, how did you do it so fast? Like if you knew who the planners were, if they're on your radar, couldn't you have like had a word with them before the attack? It's a bit odd, isn't it, that they were able to, like, they knew that the attack was. going to happen, but they didn't stop it, but then so quickly they were able to avenge it. It's an interesting timeline, certainly.

What it turned out, it wasn't actually conspiratorial, it's just much simpler in that. They didn't really know who they killed, and they don't know how many people they killed. It was quite horrible, so. Which is sort of symbolic, isn't it? Because, you know, after 9-11, you know, they went into Iraq, and Iraq had nothing to do with 9-11. and so the same way terrorist attack happened in Kabul you just killed some people they got out the way they got in

you know it's important to remember that indiscriminate barbaric civilian casualties was how this war started so it's good to see it ending on the same note I suppose so who were they who did they it's so bad so I mean the Pentagon claim that the target

this guy called Zamari Ahmadi worked for ISIS and his car was packed with explosives and that's why they drone struck him but it turns out so there were quite a few investigations to this the big one by the New York Times the guy was actually probably like the opposite of what an ISIS person is

like the furthest possible thing away from it yeah can you guys guess like what the opposite of an ISIS person is? Like someone who runs a McDonald's in Kabul I'm so close very very close really actually almost spot on slightly healthy He runs at some sort of food, like a grocer, or something.

He gives out food aid. Yeah, yeah. He was an aid worker. No. Oh no. Was he? He worked for, not only that, he worked for a California-based NGO called Nutrition and Education International.

What? So they set up all these soybean factories in Afghanistan, fight malnutrition. They executed a soybean charity worker. They got the vegans. They shot him down. Essentially what he does is he gets at his car. He drives around and distributes food to displace people. because obviously there's been a war for the past 20 years in Afghanistan and people need food.

Which looks a bit like terrorist activity, doesn't it? Because it's a suspicious vehicle packed with beans going around. Beans are quite explosive, I hear. So do they think that the explosives in the car, was it actually sacks of soybeans? They would have tracked the gas emissions coming from the houses. It was even less explosive than soybeans. It was literally just water. So what happened again?

Because Afghanistan's a bit fucked from the war. this guy didn't have running water at his house so oftentimes from work he'd fill up canisters with water and put them in his car and take them home well you would wouldn't you but the issue is i guess if you're being watched through a satellite you could that could look like anything i guess yeah it was probably some sort of explosive liquid that's what they say yes so anyway he fills his car up with water and he drives back home um i mean it's devastating because like i think that from the interviews with people there apparently it's like a bit of a tradition that he gets home and he's surrounded by children because they get there to like um he lets them drive his car into the courtyard and all these

kind of classic cute parent things oh my god this is just monstrous it's horrible yeah so 10 people died seven children and this guy seven children yeah yeah so they got into this war because their intelligence was too hopeless to spot 9-11 coming even though you had people training at flight schools on how to fly a plane but not bother about landing it. That didn't cause any red flags. And they've ended it by killing an aid worker who was flipping soybeans. Oh my God. Yeah, it's horrible. And I mean, even worse, so four days before he was killed, the NGO that he worked for, applied for his family to receive refugee status in the US. So they were waiting to head out, essentially. They were ready to go to the US and they became one of the last victims of

the war. Well, great. Well done, Mr. President. Excellent work. So this is The Chaser Report. It's a comedy podcast. Yeah. Just search for it in the comedy section of your podcast app.

Just got to go and cry now. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca.

This episode is brought to you by arbitrary ways to improve the analytics for our podcast's average listen time. You know, it's scientifically proven that leaving the chase a report on repeat in your infant's room will boost brain development by 15%. Try it out and get your kids to leave a review. so everyone can see just how smart they've become. Before we go, Dom, I think I should just bring to light something that's just in the public interest

and shows you what an extraordinary commitment Christian Porter has to transparency. What's he done now? Yesterday, he actually released documents about where his million-dollar legal fees funding is coming from. Because he's a parliamentarian. only on a few hundred thousand dollars a year. A mere $370 grand.

He's strapped for cash. He can't afford the million dollar legal bill that he racked up suing the ABC for defamation. And so he released a statement. And everyone's been wondering, where is he getting his money from? And he released the documents yesterday on the parliamentary register. Oh, right. So we know the names. So we've got full transparency on who's paying his bills.

Who was it? Was it a billionaire? Twiggy Forrest or Gina Reinhardt or someone like that from W.A. He is getting all his money from a blind trust, the legal services trust. Right. And he states, quote, as a potential beneficiary, I have no access to information about the conduct and funding of the trust.

So case closed, he doesn't know where the money's coming from. Oh, well, we'll just have to all accept that it's all above board. So it was completely transparent. He released all that he knew, which was nothing. Yes. That's right. Completely up front with his lack of information about where the money came from. Look, and I don't see any problem with politicians receiving millions of dollars of funding

from anonymous donors. I just can't see any problem with that. I want to make it very clear, particularly given his track record with defamation, that I don't think Christian Porter's integrity would in any way be compromised because he doesn't know who it is. He's not no idea. So when he goes into Parliament and votes, he won't possibly be able to vote in the interest of the person who gave him a million dollars.

That would never happen. because he doesn't know. I mean, one thing it does open up, though, is the possibility of spitballing who could be in that trust, because he doesn't know. He doesn't know. So we could just have a guess. We could guess. It could be, for all we know, it could be the Taliban.

It could be the Taliban. And in actual fact, you know, given the values, you know, it might actually be quite a good alignment. It could be Donald Trump. Donald Trump could say, look, this is a fellow traveler. Accusations have been made. Yes. I'm going to give him a million dollars. Maybe it's from Donald.

Could be the China's Communist Party. It could be the Chinese Communist Party. It's happened to other politicians that they get money out of the Chinese Communist Party. That's true, although they resign. But anyway, it also makes me think, Charles, do we need a blind trust for our legal expenses? What a great idea. I think I want to just a blind trust for, you know, buying Apple equipment. Yes, that's actually true.

Can people donate to the Chaser Blind Trust for the new? iPhone, that would be enormously handy. Charles and I both have discussed in between the beginning of the show and now how much we want to buy the new Apple watch and the new iPhone. But Apple's still on its way out. Like, I still maintain it. Within a year,

you won't even know what Apple is. Please leave a review on Apple Podcast. The podcast part of the company isn't entirely cancelled yet. In fact, we desperately need you to write something about us on there to help the show to help us make more money for this free service that we provide. Our gears from road microphones are part of the Acast, creator network. say tomorrow.

See ya.