The Chaser Report - Pub Testing Politicians | Sami Shah

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

In this Afternoon Edition of The Chaser Report, Charles and Dom chat with the stellar Sami Shah. Sami brings up Scott Morrison's apparent decline in the polls and asks if we should trust the opinion polls, or is there some other way for us to judge a politician's character? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Instacart, groceries that over deliver. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, welcome to an afternoon, the Chaser Report with one of our most beloved regulars, Mr. Sammy Shah. Hello, Sammy. Hello, so you guys just do, like, podcasting all day now. Yeah. You're just in the studio from dawn to dusk, basically. Actually, I'm pushing for us to do a night podcast as well.

Yeah, why not? Nobody does podcasts, which are released at 11 p.m. for, you know, for people, you know, there's a lot of breaking news at 11 p.mniacs. Yes. And then if you thought about, if you did a night one, you might then need to do a sort of 2am 1 just to catch up on those extra few hours of news. Did you guys say, you know what, like in Pakistan growing up, we used to have like the morning newspaper and then we had the off, the evening newspaper.

We used to have that. You had that. So you're doing that with podcasting now, basically. Yeah, which the big difference is it's much less profitable than newspapers used to be back in the day. But no, look, we just love the art of podcasting. We're artists. What can I say? All right.

Okay. Well, that's a word that's never been. You just have any podcast before in this. I mean, what it really means is that we have more time for you. And what we were doing, Sammy, and I hate to say this, is we were taking our conversation with you and we were cutting stuff out of them. And it was silly and was pointless and it was good stuff.

So, you know, fly free, Sammy. No filter. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. That's the worst advice anyone's ever given me. Because me with the filter is much preferable to everyone else. Actually, given the conversation we had before we started recording about what we were going to cover in today's segment, I agree with you. Perfect example of why I should say stuff off mic before saying it on mic.

So here's what I want to talk about. On mic today is Scott Morrison, our prime minister. If you remember him, his popularity has dropped significantly. So apparently, you know, Guardian does a poll with Essential. And I don't know if you still believe in polling data. I don't know why polls are even used in this day and age anymore. After it's been proven continuously that polls are about as reliable as the tarot. But Guardian went ahead and did another poll.

And they found that Scott Morrison's approval rating is now lower than the Black Summer Bushfires. Oh, wow. You know. Okay. Where he went around. Well, he first of all pissed off to Hawaii and then he came home and sort of tried to make people shake his hands. Exactly. So at this point, 48% of those surveyed approve of the job he's doing while 42% disapproved. Hang on, hang on, 48% of people still approve of him.

That's just, you've got to understand at some point that 48% of this country just needs, they're mostly going to be, let's be honest, we know where they're wrong. Yeah, they're queenslators, aren't they? I'm not saying it. Now, you know, at this point, it's become cliche for me to say it. But also, even before, even before polls were proven completely wrong, with the Shorten election. Even before that, everyone knew that preferred prime minister was complete bullshit. That never meant anything.

It was always the two-party preferred voting intention that actually told you who was going to win. So the fact that he's doing this badly on preferred prime minister, when most people just go, oh, yeah, he's in the job. So he must be good at it all the time, no matter who it is. He's actually really in trouble, perhaps. But I think that's the opposite. I think the real truth is that preferred prime minister is the only way to know because if you remember, Shorten was never preferred prime minister.

It turns out like Shorten was, you know, his deep unpopularity with human beings translated to the voting, you know, results. And we're going to see the same thing now without the Albanese. Because Albanese, his popularity has dropped as well. It's gone from 41 to 40%. And Scott Morrison is ahead, 44 to 28% when it comes to preferred prime minister, which means 24 or 28% of Australians prefer Albanese to be. Prime Minister.

But this is what is Labor strategies, and it's brilliant. I want to stick up for what Labor's plan is here, because if you ask the question, do you like Scott Morrison and want more of him? A lot of people are saying, no. If you ask the question, would you instead of Scott Morrison like Anthony Albanese, most people's argument is, fuck no. So they're just trying to make him as invisible as possible because a hypothetical Labor Prime Minister is obviously much more attractive than Albo.

absolutely and it's a great strategy because at this point what more do you want from a candidate when you go to the polls is to not even remember that they exist that's a guaranteed win you know labor is clearly playing 4D chess in a 5D checkers game that's being wrapped in a 6D monopoly people knew that they didn't like shorten whereas with albao they'd feel like oh yeah what does he look like i do know anthony albanese and i am fairly certain that if

if people did know him they wouldn't want to vote for him So I can see. Who is, okay, okay, so here's a pub test. Here's a pub test, Charles. Who would you rather have a point with Anthony Albanesey or Prime Minister Scott Morrison? Well, is it in Victoria? Like, where am I? I mean, it's a good question.

Do we hear of Queensland? Because that's what we're really to decide the election in Queensland. They've got assisted dying laws, so I think I'd just take the easy way out. I mean, it's a good question because. If you were with Scoma, he'd just go on about bunnings and the sharkies, he'd be very boring. If it was Albo, who just wouldn't say anything, you'd just be sitting there and it'd just be an awkward silence. Albo, what do you think about climate policy? That's not true.

Nothing. Every time I've talked to Albo, he's talked at great length about himself. He's not lacking in conversation. Did the conversation make you want to vote for him, though? When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner.

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contest. We're now stuck in the situation where our next election is going to be an unpopularity contest. And even there, we're sport for choice. Yes. Yes. This is, it's actually very democratic that everyone, because even Adam Bant, you sort of think, oh, well, who are the other people? Adam Band I mean Do you know Adam Blan? Yeah

Well I didn't remember Adam Bant's name I was trying All this time I've been camping Because I'm trying to remember What's the leader Of the Green Party's name

And my brain keeps going back To Richard D Natali Only because he had a personality By which I mean He wore turtlenecks And that was his That was the extent of his personality I'm just

I'm making a shocking realisation Which is the most interesting leader of an Australian political party In 2021 Pauline Hansen It's Craig Kelly. Of all the people I'd like to have a drink within the pub, it would be Craig Kelly. Because he'd be going on about Ivermectin, and it would be fucking hilarious.

But he can't go to a pub. He's not vexed. Well, and so much the better. I'd be at the pub by myself, which is clearly the best option on the table. I've just realised, because in New South Wales, we're not allowed to go to the pub, basically, I think, forever, if we're unvecked. Is there a way for me to reverse my double vex date, get unvaccinated, so that I don't have to pass any pub test with the leaders? No, I think this is your, this basically, it's your mandatory democratic responsibility to

have a fight with both of these idiots. I reckon, the problem is there's lots of people sort of on the front benches, both the Greens and Labor Party, and even the Libs, some of the Libs, where you go, I would, I would sit down with them and have a beer with them. Why can't we get, like, all the women in politics are great. Name one member of the Liberal Party. that you want to have a beer with because I can't think of a single person.

I mean, I wouldn't mind asking him some questions. That's a very good idea. That's all an interrogation, John. Not for you. Let's cut that bit out. No, no, that's a really good question. Angus Taylor, if you haven't been enough drinks,

you might be able to talk about what happened with Clover Moore. All of Dorm's suggestions so far aren't having a drink with a mate. They're all interrogation, enhanced interrogation, drugging them, truth seruming them such type situations. I reckon if you had a long enough bender with Angus Taylor,

you'd probably end up a lot richer. Yeah, fair enough. What about Barnaby Joyce? I think of all the people to have a drink with. Jesus, he'd have his choice and your drink. I mean, it would certainly be eventful. I mean, you might end up pregnant by the end. I mean, who's shouting, though?

Like, you know, you don't want to be... Gina Rinehart's shouting. Yeah, right. All right, look, I mean, I'm going to the front bench right now, and it is, I guess, I mean, George Christensen, because you can finally find out about Philippine cuisine and what he likes about them. Yeah. I mean, this raises it, why don't we elect people who aren't dead shits?

I mean, this is, no matter where you go. Oh, come on. That would never work. It's supposed to be a popularity contest, and somehow it's been rigged so that all the people you could possibly vote for suck. So that's the problem. It's not that we can't elect people who are dead shits is because there are no electable options that aren't dead shits. And that's the thing. The game has now been rigged in such a way that only dead shits can take part in it, can participate in it and can win in it. So, you know, for example, if you meet someone nice and they think, oh, I want to change the world, what are they going to do? They'll start a podcast probably. They're not going to join elections. They're not going to join politics. And there we end up with this situation we're in right now. Why can't you run, Sammy? I'd vote for you. I would, you know what, I was actually thinking about this.

I'll tell you what, I was thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about this the only way to get rich in Australia now is to join politics. So at some point, if my Patreon doesn't take off, I might just get into politics because it's the only way I'll be able to afford to buy a house. But that's the only benefit. Politics is Patreon before Patreon existed, isn't it? Yeah, basically. Except your donors are a little bit more than the lovely people to give me one dollar, you know.

So here's my question. because every time you guys talk about politics and liberal versus labor and Charles bashes labor because, you know, Charles is clearly a liberal party supporter, does the chaser get attacked by labor fans? Because labor stands are now a bit embarrassing. We aren't living in Victoria. So there are no New South Wales labor stands anymore.

Oh, none. What happens is whenever we put an article up about Alba being hopeless, it just never goes viral. That's the problem. People are so indifferent that even an argument, an article pointing out that everyone's a different elbow, it's a tune to fail. It's anti-viral.

It's just, he's the ivermectin of Australian politics. So even critiques of Albo are dull, basically. It doesn't matter what you write. It just automatically dulls itself now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think that's the strategy. I mean, it's sort of, as you say, I mean, yeah, it's not 4D chess.

It's like 1D chess. They're always fighting the last election. They're basically, the strategy that they have, that Labor has, is perfectly designed to not lose the 2019 election. But unfortunately, it's three years later. And people probably actually want some sort of an idea of what changing the government would do, don't they? Not at all.

People are fine. People at this point, we've all accepted where we are. I mean, it's astonishing. I saw the survey. and surveys I don't really believe in and I don't trust them but even with margins of error thrown in the fact that he still cannot be

the preferred Prime Minister after everything Scott Morrison has done like just put two in the back of his head roll him in a carpet and bury him in a dumpster and find someone better why are we still here I think it would be very Australian to have a box down the bottom of the ballot paper particularly because it's compulsory

that just says fucked a lot of them and I think that would win and if fucked a lot of them wins the 2020 to federal election we should just have to have a better system I just I can't remember a time where it just seemed this bleak in terms of no matter what happened

it's just going to be banal and pointless and we'll make no progress anywhere Sammy this is supposed to be funny it's just got really depressing can you say something I'm wondering whether we should have had the conversation you wanted to have I know it's too fastness

let's not go there I was going to rip on that yeah look wasn't supposed to be depressed thing, but as such is Australian politics at this point. What's better than a well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue? A well-marbled ribby sizzling on the barbecue that was

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Service fees, exclusions, and terms supply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. I do have a question, which is, do you live in the one place in Australia, pretty much maybe Queensland and W.I., I'm not sure, where people genuinely love a politician. Now, admittedly, a lot of people also hate Dan Andrews, but the Dan Stans is a thing that is completely baffling to me, having not believed in any politician in several decades. What is going on in Victoria?

How is Dan Andrews such a cult figure? Particularly when it doesn't look as though he completely nailed every aspect of managing the pandemic. Let's be frank. Now, see, that last sentence is blasphemy in Victoria. There's actually laws against us now. That he didn't nail every aspect of this, complete and utter blasphemy. We will not tolerate it. We will burn you and tar and feather you at the stake for saying that.

And that's the difference. Basically, we've been, it's called Stockholm syndrome, right? So we have been held hostage by the pandemic here in Victoria for so long. We love Dan Andrews. We love, if the lockdown going longer, we'd love COVID-19. We would be COVID-19 stands at this point because we just like it so much. But here's what's happening. Now lockdown's ended.

Things have reopened up again. And our Daniel Andrews is coming back in the news with regards to ICAB corruption stories and stuff like that. So the Dan stands, I don't know how much longer they're going to last. So even he's falling back to Earth. Well, there you go. I mean, are people happy in Melbourne at last that everything's reopening? Is there actually joy to be found on the streets? I went to a high point mall, shopping mall the other day.

And I just want to tell you, if you want to buy sneakers in 2021, take a machete and just start stabbing people because it is DJs. And I don't know why there's a fucking DJ in every sneaker store I go to now. And just 20 year olds who don't know how to do anything. You say, hey, I don't know what my shoe sizes can you measure it? And they're like, yeah, we don't do that. Apparently that sort of thing anyone does anymore. And all of it made me go, I miss lockdown.

I miss the fact that I didn't need sneakers. because I wasn't going anywhere and I didn't have to interact with humans because it turns out humans suck. I've been to the high point mall. Yeah. And I've got to say, I mean,

if you're going there to try and cheer yourself up, I'm making a terrible mistake. I flew to Victoria to do a publicity thing at the high point mall. It's just, it's not worth it. Back in the day when the Chaser used to sell books. Yeah.

It really should be called the low point. Yes, that's true. If that was the high point of your week, yeah, is very alluring. Well, I mean, you've made it this far, Sammy. Thank you. Thank you very much.

You look, here's what's going to happen. The next election will be called. Scott Morrison is going to win it. And then we'll just continue doing satirical comedy because what else did we got except to play the violin while the city burns. Yeah, because actually, it's sort of better for us if Scott Morrison wins, doesn't it? Because it's so easy. Well, you can't, you've already proved no one wants jokes about Albo.

Yeah. There are no jokes about Albo because you can't make jokes about something that doesn't exist. Well, but the thing is, even if he wins, no matter who wins, everything's just going to stay exactly the same because nothing Australia ever changes. That's not true. That is just not true, don't. No, it's, look, it is true that changing government does change the country, as is the old cliche. But it is also true that both parties are incredibly chicken shit of doing anything and have been for many years. No, but the Labor Party is going to introduce a federal ICAG.

And that is going to be the greatest, most entertaining set of... As long as they make it retrospective, it'll be the most entertaining stuff ever. And then within a year, they will all be announced and then they'll get, they'll of course get undone by it themselves. You know what's remarkable is Charles still believes in campaign promises? I didn't realize Charles is an optimist. After all this, I didn't realize that Charles is still an optimist. It's kind of happening.

It's always exactly the same day one. They go, oh, well, there are all these things we didn't know about when we're in opposition. She doesn't have access to the keys of government. What are we going to do if there's no federal. under labour. Nothing. The same thing we're doing right now. Sit around and talk about it on a podcast. Well, it's one way to live. Sorry, this one couldn't be funnier, guys. Thank you, Sammy. Aguiz from Road Microphones are part of the Acast, Greater Network. Another morning edition will drop tomorrow at 5am. Thanks for joining us. And if you want to leave us a five-star review,

perhaps in the iTunes comment section, just tell us your preferred prime minister. See ya.