The Chaser Report - Ray Hadley's Hot Election Take

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

Cancelling debates, ignoring all polls, and banning all school holidays. Charles and Dom are back for the final week of the election, and ready for this hot mess of a campaign to be over as soon as possible. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report. It is the Chaser Report. How are you? Oh, I'm very relaxed. You seem relaxed. You seem happy, is it, because we didn't bother to do podcasts last week?

Yeah, yeah, and just been enjoying the extremely, extremely long school holidays. I think I'm pretty sure the kids have. have gone to school this year. There was a brief, I don't know, two-day period during first term. And then you reach this week, and this will be relatable in different ways to different people, but only if you send your kids to public school. Because I think all the private schools have gone back. And you go, that's a bit weird, isn't it?

Usually private schools have more school holidays. No, no, no. That doesn't happen anymore, doesn't it? No, no. It's now, like, because everyone realizes what you pay for is to get rid of the fucking kids, right? So every private school's gone back on, you know, on Monday, like normal fucking human beings. We don't get rid of our kids till Wednesday.

Yeah, there's a thing. This is what I'm discovering now that I have a kid in primary school is people free days because the teachers have figured out that in order to achieve anything, they realize what parents have always known. Yes. And which was reinforced during COVID. For teachers to achieve anything, it's much better if education is conducted without children.

Oh, yes. Imagine how well educated our children would be. And Charles? If they never went to school. Given that the election is somehow still on this week, I think it's quite extraordinary. Another interminable thing. There is still time for Peter Dutton to swoop in and reverse the polls by promising to ban. Like, he was barking up the wrong tree.

He knows it's working from home policy. Yes. It's the banning the pupil free days. Banning holidays entirely. What's he doing on that front? There's still time for 11th hour policy to swoop in and do this. Let's talk a little bit about the election. What about a policy just thinking about it?

after the ads. Okay. Okay, I've got a good policy for Peter Dutton. Can we just set the stage for one second? Yeah. Every poll says that Labor is going to win on Saturday. Every poll, pretty much 52-48 in news polls, similar things in every other poll. Yep.

I think Roy Morgan has it at 991. Yeah, I saw it 53.5 to whatever the... No, no, Morgan's at like 56 or something. Yeah, 46.5. So it looks all in one place, but there is one man. who I came across today, who says something different. Oh, right. One man who I thought we were finished with, Charles.

Oh, yeah. A man who you once called something very, very rude to his face. Oh, yes. Ray Hadley. Oh, Ray Hadley? Oh, right, yeah. Who now, yeah, there's such a long list of people. Charles's abused to their face.

I thought you were going to say Bill Heffernan. At the Australian Commercial Radio Awards, we're on the way, and Charles called this man something very unpleasant, or something pleasant that was used into a term of abuse. Anyway, so Hadley's podcast. popped up somehow doing these weird op-ed piece to camera things for the Daily Telegraph in front of like all the Acra awards that he won, like, we won one. Yeah.

He's got like 10 and he's found a spot in his house where you can see all 10 of them side by side. Oh, that's nice. And he's just got this awkward. And he's put gel in his hair because it's for television. Did he ever win the Acra for best comedy? Not on purpose. Oh, well, that's one Acre he doesn't have.

He doesn't have. Yeah. And so I'll play a little clip from this because he reminds us that in 2019, Scott Morrison was behind in the polls. Everyone said Bill Shortman was going to win. And Scott Morrison won, because the polls were wrong. That the polls aren't looking too good for Peter Dutton. Well, they didn't look too good

for Scott Morrison either in 2019. Ray Hadley knows. So we'll get to the policies that they could bring out. I mean, I think it's all there for the winning. But yeah, I've got a vote winner for Peter Dutton. Because I don't, I never say never, Dom. I never would. I never would say

never. I've got one too, actually. And especially Labor is very good at clutch. defeat from the jaws of victory. Yeah, and Albanyi seems reasonably sure of himself. Like, he seems upbeat and positive and quite happy. He doesn't have underdog status. And he's a lifelong lefty South City supporter. He's comfortable cruising for a defeat and surprising himself.

Yeah, exactly. This is a weird territory for Albo to be in. No, exactly. So it's all up for grabs. And especially if Peter Dutton announces, so this is my thinking, right, which is the coalition, love it or hate it. coalition are pro-private education. They are.

And they are more pro-private education than Labor. And Labor begrudgingly does it because they're fucking sell-outs. But it's the Libs who just love private education. How about into a private school? Let's not forget St Mary's Cathedral School. Yes, of course, exactly. It's all funded. And there's huge numbers of Catholics in the Labor right who all support.

I mean, that's what means the whole reason why private education, Education is so government funded in this country is Menzies used it as a means to split the Labor Party because the Catholics in the Labor Party loved the funding of private education. And yet Albo snubbed the Pope's funeral. Yes. Snobbed it. Anyway. So what Peter Dudden does in a laugh minute, Stephen Bradbury-style clutch victory from the jaws of defeat.

What does he do? Is he does a Menzies. But instead of saying, we'll just fund Catholic schools, he goes, private schools for all. So what you have is government funding of all schools in Australia. So anyone can go to any school that they want. A bit like the nuclear power plants, which traditionally, you know, you would think he'll get the private sector, but he couldn't do that.

So he's getting the public sector. Yeah, exactly. And less, yeah. So you just have, because everyone, all the sort of people who don't like public funding and private education have this all topsy-turvy right. They're going, oh, well, let's just take. The money back. Take the money from the, you know, Scots College,

which just built a $60 million castle. Literally a castle. A castle. Yeah. Like a Scottish baronial castle. Can we just pause on that? If you're worried about private schools are getting too much funny, they're doing fine.

The cost of living crisis is not affecting Scott's College in Sydney. No, that's not true. That's a baronial castle. No. We had a clost blow out because of the cost of living crisis. They charged entry to the launch of the Broneal castle. Yeah. Had it by 50 bucks.

Yeah. Imagine after having it. funded that thing through his school fees. 50 bucks to go and see the castle. I would pay it, by the way. I'm fascinated by that thing. Anyway, but, you know, but also kings. Like, everyone sort of goes,

oh, yeah, they've got, you know. A suburb. It's a whole suburb. Fifteen football fields and three hockey fields. Yeah, it's a whole suburb that they've got. You fit about 20,000 people living on that in reasonable. But do they have a table tennis stadium? No, they don't yet.

Just because they haven't bothered. Probably a rifle range. Anyway, anyway. My point is everyone says, oh, let's take money from those schools. And you go, no, no, no, no, no, no. What we should be doing is going, no, let's just pay for everyone to go to those schools. Like, if that's the level of education that Australians want, which they clearly do, because the majority of people send their kids to private schools,

then why don't we just, you know, you just publicly fund all schools to that level? Do you see what I mean? There's a problem. There's a sort of genius in there. There's a bit of a genius, but there's also a problem. And I've got a solution to the obvious problem. And that would immediately, because the thing that, and the real sales pitch is private schools have less school holidays so you can get rid of your kids. So every single person, even me, who's just died in the wall pro public education.

Except in your own life. But anyway. We'll suddenly go. No, no. We're going to support this policy because we'll get rid of our kids. Charles and I. Just channel the hatred of kids. Charles and I went to a private high school.

Oh, yeah, we well know. No, that's why. The whole point. It's scarred us for life. It's so good. People have been asking this Charles of Peter Dutton throughout the campaign. How are you going to pay for this, that, or the other your own policies? Yeah.

How are you going to pay for all the costs of sending all the, and I've got the answer. It's easy. I've got a very good answer. Yes, good. Privatise public schools. Sell them off all the public schools. Yes. Nationalise them so the federal government owns them and sell them off.

And then what you do, this is brilliant because the sales piece, when you're IPOing them, right, is, well, they're about to get a huge injection of government funding because they're about to be funded to King's college school level. And there's no alternative either. They're kids have to go to school. Yes. They're only private schools in this future Australia. You've just got to send them to the local one.

But don't worry, the government will pay for your business. And I think the thing is what we should be thinking of, see, because they've got to modernise the way they fund education anyway. Because, you know, at the moment it's all like you pay, you know, fees. Yeah. Why can't they just all do it remotely anyway online? But I'm thinking, well, yes, that's good. I like that. But no, no, no, because then they've been home.

They've been home. All right. I've got another idea. I've got another idea for you. I reckon we do subscription style. That's good. Like it's an app and you've got to pay by description. What if it's, you know what else works very well in the United States.

The blockchain? We put public education on the blockchain. You know what else you could do it. It'd be very. is it goes for. In America, private prisons have worked. So maybe the fall in the system of schooling is that the kids come home at all. During, so you say goodbye little Billy at the age of five. Compulsory boarding schools. And they, that is a, that's a, and they come back at 18. That is a Dutton style policy. Would you have them back for this, just for the summer holidays?

No. No. Well, maybe Christmas. For a week. Yeah, for a week of Christmas. And Charles, you know how you could make this all profitable, right? We've said we're going to spin them off, we're going to privatise them. There's a way to generate even more revenue from these sites, from the schools all over. All the local little public school where you'll go and vote. Imagine that school, A, privatised, beautifully done up, maybe a sort of day spa for the kids or whatever. Yes. But what an amazing thing. If somewhere on their footprint, every little school that we just sold off had to co-locate with a small modular reactor.

We've heard so much about there. We don't know where they're going to be. We know the first phase. But we know that they're safe. The first phase of nuclear. Because they've been promised to be safe. The first phase of nuclear is, you know, the one-on-existing coal-fired power stations.

But the next phase, small modular reactors in every community. But why not attach little small coal-fired power stations to every school as well? And the kids could learn extra pocket money as the shoveling the coal into the person. Actually, that would drive down energy costs. So this is a cost of living. This is totally worth.

And also, if you privatise the school, Then you sell them off as an energy play. Like, you're getting the same multiples as energy stock. Do you know what the best thing about this election episode that we've released? Yeah. We haven't actually talked about the election at all yet. Let's just take a quick ad. We'll do that briefly because I've got another policy.

I mark my words. Charles, the party that suggests this policy between now and Saturday will win the election. Oh, okay. You heard it here first. Yeah, okay. The Chaser Report. Less news more often. No more debates.

That's all you've got to do. Whichever party says, debates, because they've had four. I think you're... Four debates. Dom, I think you're overestimating that anyone cares or saw it or even knew it was on. That is actually true. I suspect the average Australian saw zero debates. Yeah, well, I'd saw a clip from one of them, like from last night, as I mean, or the night before.

Actually, that's the thing. If anything important, this is the thing we can be so confident of in this election, is that if anything interesting had happened at the debates, it would have gone viral. It would have gone viral. I think it was like Peter Dutton didn't know the price of eggs as well as Anthony Albertesey. Oh, what a gotcha. What a gotcha.

Somebody who would never have bought eggs in his life and everyone knows it didn't know the price of something he's never bought. Wow, what a gotcha. Also, not to defend Peter Dutton. I say this as a bald man, Charles. But if it had been the person who most resembles an egg, Peter Dutton would have had a real edge there. Look, you don't expect your prime minister and your opposition leader to buy eggs for themselves.

Mind you, I did think Albo, it was. Although Alba has clearly done lots of media training because he clearly had prepped that answer because it wasn't just it's $7 a dozen which is admittedly a little bit low. But although I'll tell you what. Is that the hourly price? If you go to Harris Farm, you can occasionally.

Our local grocer sells them for $7 at the money. What? Yeah, it's a little of there. How small are they? They're tiny. I think that they haven't noticed. Cherry tomato style there. Oh, they haven't bothered to put the price.

They haven't bothered to put their prices. No, they're really nice eagles. Okay, I'll go and get some. There's crisis solved. But Alba's response was $7 if you can find them, which I thought was very on the money. He's done the training, isn't it? So, Charles, Sean Kelly wrote, he's been on, I think we've had him on the show before. I've certainly, you didn't, my other podcast before.

He wrote that. He wrote a piece that people have been liking. And the thing that's curious about it, Charles, is that he's listed the gaffes that Peter Dutton's made during the course of the campaign. And it is actually quite a long list. I must say. But remember, like people in the coalition have been saying, look, this could be a Scomo surprise, right? That's what we had this thing, as we heard.

And remember, Scott Morrison was the gaff machine. So I think that they're going... Oh, do it Scomo style. Let's do Scomo style, crash tackle a kid. Like, he's basically mirrored Scott Morrison's campaign. So here's the list. Here's the list from Sean Kelly. Indonesia, work from home, fringe,

benefits, tax, referendums, public service shifts about whether they're sacked them all or not, reluctance to discuss nuclear, lack of detail on defense policy, Kiribili. And that doesn't even include my favorite moment of the campaign, the football. Yeah. Football to the head. That doesn't even count as it. I mean, that was one of the most likable things I've ever seen. Frib Dutton.

And what about what are elbows gaffes? The main one seems to be falling off the stage. Falling off the stage. And then lying about it. And then saying he didn't fall off a stage. Although I saw him interviewed the other day and he said, And they said, what was the worst part of your campaign? He said, falling off a stage.

And you're going, but you never did fall off a stage. Oh, gosh. There's a cover up. He has been doing some training. He's good strategists in that. No, I think he's being undone by his, what a hypocrite. What a hypocrite. He's flip-flopping about flip-hoping off stage.

All right. Charles, I guess the upside is that come Saturday, we won't need to do election episode. We will have to do some sort of wash-up analysis, though, won't we? Yeah, look, I think people have been tuning in for our. insightful analysis on this election, haven't they? I mean, Charles, I would never have thought that the Chaser report or any Chaser thing would simply just take a week off during the federal election campaign. That is so not on brand of what we've done for the past 25 years.

And yet, Charles... Yes, it feels... It felt right. We've got the vibe of the nation. Yeah. Which is to just see what's on the other channels. Sure. Yeah, just check what else is in your feet.

Oh, we should have done a counter-programming... Hey, we should Andy have re-signed, apparently. Resigned with SCO. For all the money in the world. Yeah, yeah, I assume. All right. Anyway, the campaign's still on is the headline in case you weren't sure. It is still going.

I've already voted too. Apparently, most people are going to vote. A lot of people are voting really early. They're predicting 50% of people vote. I did it up the road on the weekend's great. That's great. They didn't even ask me why I needed to vote early. You've got to have a premise in theory.

Yeah. But they didn't care. Because I've been trying to come up with an excuse, but I don't need one. We just say you're working. But I'm not going to work. But you are. I don't want to lie. Watching the election is work for you because you're a podcaster talking about the election.

No? I don't want to watch the election. Oh, okay. Yeah, we better go and vote on Saturday. Yeah, I'm going to go and vote on Saturday. Okay, there is a, but there's a list of things. You can do, don't check it out. All right, well, that's it.

I don't think we need to analyze the election anymore. So, the elections are you still calling it? Are you still calling the... Are you still calling the for dutton? Are you going to go with Ray Hadley on this? You're bet noir? I feel like I'll lose all credibility if I... At some point, we should...

If I call it for Dutton. At some point, we should... should explain the story about Ray Hadley and the Bum Rainbows, by the way. I'll just put that out there for future episodes. That's what it was. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about something else. But there's a good story to be told there about our radio days.

Anyway, who are you calling it for? It was, okay. Because you've flip-flopped a bit on this, Charles. I know. You've recorded multiple options. Are you willing to be actually first to call it? Do you want me to call it now? I want you to be first to call it.

We'll publicise it. Well, but I already have called it for Alba. I called it for Albo weeks ago. That's true. It's sort of old news. But I think we need, what we need is a hot take. Hot take, which is the teal, it's going to be a teal surprise on the night. I think they're going to do well.

Or badly. Or badly, okay. Or roughly the same. Okay, you heard it, the edited version here first. My, my. What about Ali French? I reckon that's going to be, did you see what Chalmers said on Monday about what's going to happen in Dutch? seat.

Oh, yeah. You know, Alley France versus Petter Dutton. Because Dutton's on the nose in his own seat, right? Oh, that's actually Dixon is going to be interesting seat to watch. Yeah, and Sharma's came out on Monday and said that the coalition was planning to put a nuclear power station in Dixon, right? Which is clearly not true, right? Like, it's not part of their plans at all. But what I love about it is Dutton immediately goes, no, no, no, I'm not.

I'm definitely not doing that. I definitely wouldn't do that. No, it's just like the seven sites that we've been. announced and that's it right you're just going but what's so bad about nuclear power plants why can't you have them in your electorate like that's going to be the theme of the next week is why were you so hasty to deny your own electorate something that you think is really good for the rest of the country you sound quite interested in this little particular moment of the election they've got you I love it no I think it's the perfect gotcha because it's such a like Jim charm has just literally

lied and then so it's not even I mean it's quite funny because the entire campaign yeah dutton's been accusing labor of doing medicare scare tactics which they have admittedly yeah um but now they've been like oh yeah that nuclear the scariest possible thing you're like Fukushima yeah no one's even talked about it all campaign jim charmers is um you know pulled it out at the 11th hour yeah yeah i think scare campaigns work best in the last week so so that's why it's anyone's no it's up for grabs i'm making another call till surprise yeah what's your call my my call is and you heard of you first and no one else is saying this trumpet of patriots charles the text messages they're coming good they're going to look at the last one i've got the last one here for you what is wrong

with this he's just policies okay here we go take your super anytime what could go wrong with that cut immigration by 80% you know what i do i'd pay 100% in my income into super and then take it out the following week three percent home loans three percent home loans three percent home loans Clive Palmer got to fund that. That's a lovely of him. That's lovely. And forgive student debt. That's the interesting one.

Oh, yes. We haven't heard that one before. Very populous. Although Albo did just forgive a hold of the dead. They just cut help by three. On Saturday, because I've got three text matches now. It says free education for Australians. There you go.

That's actually quite lefty. Donald Trump wouldn't want free education for Australia. What are you doing? Are you either Trumpist party or not? What's Clive Palmer doing? I was thinking about it today. I think there's a sort of genius. I think they're going to do better than the United

Australia Party, right? Because I was seeing, yeah, is it possible? It's a much better name. It's a much. But I was thinking only a dick hit. Like, you've got to be a real dick to want to, like, because it's such a dick name, right? And I was thinking, but actually maybe that's the genius,

which is there are a lot of dicks in Australia. But I think you're right. I think it's going to be Trumpy the Patriots. Where's the Australian Dicks party? that's what perhaps that's no that's the coalition's oh charles charles for shame all right there you go that's um that's why we're now out of the election analysis business essentially we're part of the iconic class network and we'll catch you next time see yeah