The Chaser Report - Raygun Ruins Christmas Lunch

Episode Date: December 11, 2024

In an effort to keep the peace, Lachlan and Dom reflect on the events of 2024 to mathematically determine which topics are most likely to cause a fight at Christmas lunch. Nothing says happy holidays like a family at each other's throats. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Dom and producer Lachlan once again, keeping the pod burning. Look, at least we haven't been posting replays. Lockland, isn't this fantastic? No, it is. And you know what?

The amount of retakes that I do when I have to introduce a replay episode, this is taking the same amount of time. I'm a thorough man. Excellent. Now, you've done lots of work this week, lots of research, and you have managed to put together, or at least perhaps, source from somewhere else, a guide to making Christmas lunch harmonious. I'm very dedicated to making sure that all people are pleased at all times,

and with Christmas coming up, it's more important than ever to be organised. And I don't mean in terms of buying all of your gifts on time or making sure that the weather's going to be fine for whatever venue or event you're doing with your family. I mean making sure that no awkward discussions or political fights are going to happen at the Christmas lunch table with your extended family. So I've actually put together a bit of research into the top events that have happened this year that you should avoid talking about at all costs with your family over Christmas. Genius. So the top topics of 2024 to avoid at all costs. Well, let's settle in. and wish ourselves a happy wokeness after this.

Yeah, ho, ho, ho. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca.

Well, you can't talk about Santa to start with. Can you know? No, obviously. one of the big ones is Santa, not because of the fact that he's a capitalist metaphor or symbol. And Coca-Cola, particularly, who we invented the modern look of Santa. But it's because Santa's classist. Everyone knows that Santa's classest. Oh, Santa.

Exactly. You can't have discussions about Santa without acknowledging the fact that richer kids get better gifts from Santa than poor kids do. But there's other big issues that have happened this year, Dom, another big historical events that I think are worth not bringing up with the family because they'll just immediately start a terrible discourse. The first one is huge, actually. Do you remember the opening ceremony this year at the Olympics? Oh, yes, the Paris Olympics opening ceremony.

I do remember seeing on social media with Great Delight, Loughlin, at one point. I think it was like a thousand euro ticket or something like that. someone had paid a vast amount of money to sit on the side of the sand and the boats went past very quickly on the other side of the sand quite a long way away on a very cold and wet Paris day

so their point of view was... Their point of view was this is a massive rip-off my point of view was suck it basically at that point yes I didn't have enormous sympathy for the very wealthy person who managed to make it to the opening ceremony and it was a little bit annoyed at the quality

their view of one of the world's most iconic rivers. Well, the reason that I think it's a good idea to avoid talking about this at Christmas is even though you might get trapped at the dinner table or the lunch table, depending what meal you're having with a family member, and you might be tempted to talk about the Olympics because there were tons of massive events, tons of really cool things that happened. Remember that French guy whose dong was so big that he lost pole vaulting? That was probably the most important moment of.

the Olympics, yeah. Exactly. But as tempting as it might be to talk about something happy like the Olympics, you shouldn't do it because at the opening ceremony, it was a woke dystopia. Do you remember how they did that mockery of millions of Christians as they did a depiction of The Last Supper that had a drag queen as Jesus at the center? Oh, I vaguely remember. But, Lachlan, the issue I'd have to raise.

is that I have a long-standing rule that already protected me, which is never watch, read about or talk about an opening ceremony of an Olympics. There's no upside in it. Brilliant. They can't possibly be good. I think you're safe. That's good. That's a foolproof plan.

But I do remember the, I do remember the furor over that. I guess the other rule when you're dealing with opening ceremony or indeed any Olympic content is do not turn any of it into a musical or Raygun's lawyers will be in touch before you can say, mead. No, and you've hit the nail on the head. Raygun is another one of my no-go zone topics for discussions at the dinner table. We still ever discussed how this woman taught you at university, but we're definitely going to talk about that.

And I would like you to please arrange your comments about Dr. Rachel Gunn's classes in the form of an unauthorized musical, but not about Ray Gunn, to be clear, about Dr Rachel Gunn. No, no, which is a non-licensed term, so totally. sure about that, better check that. Dr. Rachel Gunn TM just in case. Yeah. Yeah. No, look, I'd love to tell that story, but I'm going to be so honest. I'm not sure, is it really that interesting to hear what, you know, first year uni student shenanigans were. Like, it was during the middle of COVID, and I had her for... One online class. One course. And my attendance was less than something to be

impressed by. So I'm not really sure how many stories there are there. But there is the fact that I do get to say, I did have her as a lecturer and everyone did certainly know that she was a break dancer. Even then? Even then. Yes. Did you all immediately search on YouTube for her? No, we didn't do that. In fact, I think what happened was a bit of tall poppy syndrome, which is exactly why it's not a good topic to bring up over the Christmas dinner with the family just because, look, there's, I have a lot of thoughts about, you know, Dr. Gunn personally and, you know, publicly. However, I think there's a few things we can't deny about her, which is the fact that she represented Australia in a sport at the Olympics and she was successful in all of the heats that led up to the games. But the one thing that you can't defend is the fact that her dance moves did look ridiculous.

And unfortunately, when that topic gets brought up at the table, you're a dead man walking if you try and defend that. But I'm looking forward to her upcoming chapter in a book apparently, which is, in a good way, there's no beef. But the bad thing is, there's no beef, colon, tensions and changing cultural politics in Sydney's breaking scene. So that's Gun R coming out in 2025 representing hip-hop histories, politics and practices in Australia. Oh, brilliant. I can't wait for five billion news.com articles about that. Yep. It's going to come out very, very soon. So, okay, so we'll just avoid the whole of the Paris Olympics at our Christmas lunch. What else are we steering clear off?

Yeah. So, I mean, look, I don't want to bring the mood down here, Dom. But if we're talking about events that have happened in 2024 that are worth avoiding, you'll notice that I haven't mentioned certain infamous injustices that are sort of going on around the world. Yeah, look, very wise. not even go near, even the notion that anything's happening outside of Australia is best avoided all at any time, but particularly around the Christmas slash Hanukkah slash whatever other event you have table. But the reason I'm not bringing those up, Dom, is because Australia's already really good

at not bringing those things up. The thing that I'm saying we should avoid talking about happened right on these shores. Do you remember back in February when the Sydney Newington All Boys College announced that it would be going co-ed? Oh my goodness. That was a, that was, no, I do remember that. That was a stout for the ages within the incredibly small and incestuous pool that is the Sydney private school scene. Oh my goodness, stop.

The protests in the streets were huge. People were lined up for days and they were men crying in public like their childhoods had been ruined because some pesky young girls were going to have the audacity to get an education. at a local private school. And frankly, I think that I would have thought that it would be kind of a safe thing to bring up. However, you can never know which member of the family or the extended family is an old boy. Oh, you can never talk about school politics

or anything to do with private schools or public schools, whatever, at a Sydney event. Because not only will the fights break out, but it's the only thing anyone will talk about for the entire rest of the day is the Napland schools and the relevant old-school tie network. So you'll ruin the event not only because of the fight, Loughlin,

but because everyone will be so interested in the conversation. No, precisely. Now, I've got a few more topics that I think are worth avoiding, but how about we just have a little break and let tensions die down for our listeners? Sounds like a plan. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important.

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All right, so we've got Loughlin's list of how to maintain harmony at Christmas lunch, or the lunch of your choice, really. Other religions are available. And I've got a flawless record. You'll note that not once in the last five years have I ever had an argument at the Christmas dinner table, all by following my own advice. Except for the time when the chaser intern stole my ham, which I still haven't forgiven you're awful. Apart from that. Yep. No, never forgive, never forget. I'm sorry that we

never made it up to for that one. Another issue, just flowing past that one entirely that is sure to be a danger zone, if you bring it up at the family event, is Taylor Swift. Oh my goodness. I mean, she's already made $2 billion out of the era. That's U.S. The last thing she needs is us talking about it. She's got enough already without our attention. No, she's got a ton on her plate. And yet, I don't know, it seems like she's just one of the topics that Australians love to, you know, Aussie families kind of find really polarising. Because on one hand, you'll be at a family event and there's going to be some massive Taylor Swifty super fan there who loves all the music and that kid is inevitably going to go towards whatever speaker is playing Christmas songs and they're going to put on the 10 minute version of all too well and then what's

going to happen after that. Oh boy what a way to ruin Christmas and particularly a reminder that any any gift that you get given is probably going to get stolen by some annoying celebrity ex-boyfriend and kept in a drawer like poor old Taylor's scarf. I'm glad to know that you were an anti-Jake Jillan Hall guy. Don't give a scarf. Don't give a scarf for Christmas. Too soon. Too soon.

No one can do it. And it's exactly that reason why you can't be bringing it up at a family event. Because, one, hearts are still tender after the lyricism of Taylor Swift. He knows what he did. He knows what he did. But also, you've got classic tall poppy syndrome. And I think that, you know, bringing someone up who is existing. as successful as Taylor Swift is a one-way ticket to having a big row with your uncle,

who suddenly is very against billionaires flying private jets you'll find. But even before you get to that point, Lachlan, even before the Taylor Swift Tall Poppy Syndrome kicks in, the worst way to ruin any Christmas events, surely, is to be the person who went to Taylor Swift and mention it. The one person who managed to get tickets or can afford ticket, oh, it's shocker. Oh, you bastard. bastard. In fact, you know, the only thing worse than going to the errors tour once, going to the errors tour twice. Did anyone do that? Is it? Oh, oh boy. This is now losing any

sense of a satirical facade. I know people who have ended friendships because they went to the Taylor Swift Eras Tour seven times in Australia. I don't know how they... That's seven tickets that could have gone to real fans, like you and I. That's not communist, is it? I actually, I... Did you go? I genuinely felt like I missed out. Like, not despite not having known much, Taylor. It was such a massive event that my wife and I were like, should we try and get tickets and we spend a little bit of time actually looking at that?

No, I'm totally with, like it sort of, it felt a lot like the Matildas in 2023 when you're kind of like, look, I don't want to look like I'm bandwagoning or taking something from people. But there's a lot of joy here. And that joy quickly disappeared when I spent 12 hours in a ticket. Tech waiting room. Ah, well, I was very fortunate that a kind of listener to the podcast gave me tickets. Wasn't so lucky with Taylor. But I mean, since then, the irony has been that my daughter's now massive Swifty,

so we always listen to Taylor Swift to actually know the songs. So if ever tours again, I will actually be in a position where, you know, I'll kind of need to at least try to go along. So that's one thing to avoid, Lachlan. What else are we steering clear off? Okay. I've got one more that's actually staying in the musical era and, Dom, there are political debates, and then there are political debates, and the last thing

that I think you should steer clear of discussing at Christmas is the Kendrick versus Drake beef. I thought you're going to talk about nuclear power, but no, no, goodness me, Kendrick and Drake, that's much bigger. But didn't we establish you were the only person in the world, apart from Drake, who's on Team Drake? Like, is there actually any debate about this anymore? Oh, you dare.

I mean, the last thing you want to find out. is that someone in your family is someone like me who thinks that Drake won. I have ruined the vibe in many a room by trying to defend my certified lover boy. Oh, my God. In a fall on my sword piece of advice, the last thing I can tell other Drake fans out there

is keep your lips shut. No one wants to hear shit. Lachlan, all I can say is this conversation is over. you're evicted from Christmas lunch. But thank you for the least. Anytime. Have a good one. We're part of the iconic class network.

And we'll catch you next time here on the Chast Report. Merry Christmas. Merry wokemus. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

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