The Chaser Report - Reading Your Reviews

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Charles and Dom, to their delight/chagrin read your reviews. In retrospect we're sorry it's not Mark Humphries reading them instead. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And Dom, special episode today. We're going to go through all the feedback that we've received over the last few weeks. Yeah, this might be a little shorter than a usual episode. You can fix that, though, by leaving a review on the Apple Podcasts app. We got all of those.

And, of course, you need to make them all five stars, even if you don't like the podcast very much. It just helps us if you like, basically. Or you can always email us at podcast at chaser.com. And I mean, people text Charles because I still have his number from when he gave it out. 041929282-188. That is his actual number. And I really enjoy receiving those things.

And in actual fact, we had a court case recently where they were having to show that the chaser was culturally significant as I mean. And one of the pieces of evidence that the barrister brought up for our side was that when, we did that Alan Jones thing where we broadcast his personal phone number on the Opera House. Yes. That he immediately had to change his phone number as a result of that. The great thing about his old phone number, he was on 2GB 873 AM in Sydney. And it was something like 04 whatever, 873, 873, 873. So it was like a very special phone number to him that must have meant an awful lot.

However, 2GB then fired him. So really, we were making it easier for him. We were making it easy for him. We were softening the blow. But the funny thing is, the barrister then pointed out that Kerry Anne Kennelly had also given out my phone number in sort of retribution for this on national television. Hang on, hang on, that's not what happened. What happened was she said, well, how would you like your phone number broadcast on television?

And you said, okay, here it is. So you gave your number out. Well, whatever. It totally back. She tried to shame you. Oh, really? As she should have known, if she studied you better. I'm not very good at reading Kerry and Kennedy.

That would have, like, basically. You completely took the opportunity and turned it around. It was very funny. Anyway, point is that I have never had to change my number because the messages are all delightful. And the barrister pointed this out and just going, well, actually, that means something. Does it? I don't know. Has Alan Jones texted you his new number?

No, but we should find it out. If anyone's got Alan Jones's phone number, texted to me on 041-29-282-1-18. That's very good. Let's have an ad because we know how much you like ads. And then we'll come back and do some reviews. Okay. So the first one is, at best, extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile. That's from Dave from Oz, 7777. Thank you, Dave from Oz. I was trying to work out. It was like a mnemonic or something.

It's not at all. Extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile. I think that's a compliment. I love the next one. Batuta's Chaser Onion. Five stars. $4 for no ads is a price. Worth paying. Oh, worth paying. Yeah, what is it? Oh, I didn't. I don't have that. You've obviously got a better version than me.

I've got a bigger screen than you. There's only so many times you can listen to Dom and Charles do the same Amazon ad or Dom do the same Better Health Ed before you just want to lobotomize yourself. To be honest, better health can help you with that if you do want to lobotomize yourself. Is it on Medicare or do you, is it? No, no, it's not. You've got to pay. But there's a special deal.

You get something percent off. I'm sure you're thinking, ha, sucker. They made you give them $4. But really, when your comedians, quote, unquote, at their age, and they need to resort to Stockholm syndrome, you get $4 out of a listener. Am I really the one who is losing out here? 10 out of five stars would listen again.

110% more Charles Randing required. Are you sure? I think that's a theoretical maximum. Yes, I mean, I think it's a fair point that if you have the $4 to throw away on this podcast, you are the winner. Yes. You're splashing your cash.

In these dark times, the amount of cash you must have spare to give us $4 a month is a lot. And if you wanted to do that, you can subscribe via Apple Podcasts or via Acast Plus. Well, we also have the absurdly overpriced plan, which is $20 a month for no extra features. But what we're going to do is because if you do it through ACAST, you get the email. We're going to set up personalized email.

We're just going to email for the two people who pay $20 a month and just say, hi. Hi. Maybe we should have a meetup. They won't turn up. We can buy them lunch with their money. How can we lose money out of his scheme? Okay. Davey Donger says, hilarious.

Yes, at least the 69th best, I think, probably podcast. It cuts the headline off, which is not good. Absolutely hilarious, as Davey Donger, who has high standards, definitely, was gutted when I first found out there wouldn't be on Triple M anymore. They've made up for it with this podcast, though, banana potato. Which makes me think, Charles, that our producer Lee, who kept saying, shut up and play a song, is wrong. What we really needed was just no songs.

And just more of us. Inless blather. More of us. Makes me come harder than coal. Oh, then cold. You really need extra words. That's from egregious. Their deep, sexy voices and penetrating insights make me come harder than scoma impersonating a human

while winking at a limp of coal. A lump of coal, it must be. That's very disturbing. Not just the coming and the section in your window. Just reminding me about Scott Morrison. He's very unkind. I don't appreciate that at all. Next we have rudely awoken 106.

Perfect for front afternoon, says rudely. Yes. Awoken. When your mind is. totally dissolved after a hard week, these guys will make you still seem smart by comparison. So that's something, I guess. Yeah, it is. Thank you for that. We should use that as part of our advertising. Yes.

If you want to feel smarter, listen to Dom and Charles, who will make you feel smarter by comparison. I really enjoyed, particularly our last episode where we tried to wrangle sort of neuroscience and free will. It was a very, very deep episode. Or it was as deep as we're capable of, which is... Yeah, but have you seen the ratings on that episode? It's been like the worst episode ever

Because we're about as deep as a waiting for Charles I think that's why But maybe we should do a spin-off Which is like philosophy The philosophy report I know what the spin-off that we need actually Oh yeah Because it's in the next review

Rear your recent episodes This is from all added out It may be time to get Mark Humphreys To do the podcast solo for a while Says this person That's the spinoff we need Mark Humphreys does the same jokes And does them better

Oh yeah So do we script write for him in the background Or just No we do our things as ever, and he and Evan just edit them up and make them better. Oh, and they do a sort of like a reaction. A 90-second version of our podcast. Yes.

Making the same points with a pithier. Once every two weeks. Yeah, once every two weeks. And everyone at the ABC will go, oh yes, very droll. That really confirmed my view of that political. So the rest of the comment says, most of the topics you are covering are just not hitting the spot from a satire perspective. Also, could you let the listeners know when the ads finish, as I may be missing the

funny parts of the content by skipping the ads. And yet. That's a good gag. And yet, still five stars. That's one of the ones that poses a genuine dilemma of whether this person hates us or is just giving us a bit of a comedy roast. Now, we've sort of run out of, that's enough. Because the rest of them, I think we've already covered in previous podcasts, haven't we? Yeah, the one where people actually laughed at our review with the Barbie pot movie was interesting.

And then there were more complaints about the gas ads. So any emails from listening, we do occasionally get emails to podcasts. Yeah, how do we... At chaser.com.com. Usually their complaints, aren't they? Often, but it must be hard to tell them from all the complaints about your avocados. Fiona said the world is in trouble and a Mark Humphrey's podcast will fix everything or at least not mess it up too much worse.

That's true. Oh, yeah. It's not going to make anything worse. We haven't done this. There was a suggestion for Welcome to the Future. Oh, yes. That's one of the listeners send in, which looks absolutely fantastic. It is these pods that you can rent in downtown San Francisco that are four feet tall,

which costs about $1,000 a month to rent. We should definitely do that. And there's some other things here, too. There's a special plastic with fuel as an ingredient. I think we need to do another one of these. We're a bit behind our welcome to the future. So this is the separate podcast that we do that's about tech and largely AI. Because Charles and I love that stuff,

but we've been a bit too busy to record the extra episodes. So we've better get on that. If you come across, she's shitty tech, by the way, please tell us because we're always looking podcast at chaser. And also shitty philosophy. Shitty, yeah, that's true. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report.

Zano, we should see if we can get Mark Humphrey's to do it. And what's he doing now? He's about to go touring with you, I know. He's going touring with me. He's got, well, he's shooting a pilot at the moment. There's another script thing that he's doing that, I don't know where it's up to. Are we meant to say this? No, probably not.

I mean, I think he's very busy. When you can, when you go on touring with him, you should put the hard word on for him to do a podcast. Tell him that he can make it about musicals. Yeah, that's what he wants to do. He wants to do about sort of entertainment industry. He wants to do it about the most niche. Like, this person who's spent many years becoming, you know, arguably the most respected satirist in the country.

Yeah. All he wants to do is stuff about musical theatre. Yeah, and he wants to do it on a guest by guest basis. So it's literally like get all the luminaries from, you know, Australia and around the world and have them on the podcast. I love that he's gone, I'm finally successful. in the extremely niche business that is political satire

that basically probably only one in ten people have any interest in at all and he's going, no, this is too mainstream. Musical theatre's what I want to do. Surely musical theatre is more mainstream than political satire.

Well, he might find out. I mean, I'm sure it'd be a very good podcast. I'd enjoy it. Yeah, yeah. He'd probably get Lynnewell brand episode two and then that'd be it. But that strikes me. Maybe what we should do

is convert this podcast into an interview podcast where we get actual good political satirists on. And get them to do the satire. Yeah. And we just sit back and count the money. It's not a bad idea.

If you've got any bold ideas for the future direction of the podcast, Batsam Yusuf. Send an email. Yes, well, he has had a, who spoke at the Chase of lecture a few years ago. We've got his email address. We should, well, yeah, it should reach out. I do think we should do more interviews. I think more interview-based extra episodes.

Yeah. Yeah, actually, I'll tell you what, if you've got any suggestions for the podcast whatsoever, either do it through giving us a five-star review on Apple iTunes and then we'll read it. Or email at podcast at chaser.com.com. We do read those. Because we should actually, yeah, we should innovate, shouldn't we? One thing that I've been looking at, because we write lots of Chaser articles every week for the website. And I thought, wouldn't it be cool slash creepy, if we got an AI newsreader to read out the articles.

But the first thing is, the AI newsreaders, you know, you can actually get quite well-trained voices. And they have proper intonation. So you can actually say, I'm trying to make this funny. and it sort of gives it a real lilt that makes it quite funny. But the problem is that it exposes all the flaws in how badly written the articles are. So you sort of go, oh, yeah, actually it would have been funnier if you'd said it like that. And suddenly you find yourself half an hour in editing the piece that you thought was perfect because it actually could have been a bit clippier.

That's very funny. So it would actually be more work rather than less work. But I was seeing what we could do is we could actually take a news article and put that at the front of it. each episode, you know, because we used to do that with the format where we had news headlines, we could do that again. But instead of employing someone, we could just replace them with a robot. You could. I mean, possibly a little intensive to people who might have worked with us in that role previously.

There is actually a new station called Disrupt Radio where they've got an AI to do the news reading. Ah, pipped at the post. And the fascinating thing about that, which I really like, I recently saw them on LinkedIn, someone from Disrupt Radio, saying they were number one in entrepreneurial talk radio. Ah, yes. Oh, we've got to do an entrepreneurial podcast. Do you do TikTok at all?

No, not really. There's a great account called Entrepreneur. I was going to make the opposite point, actually, which is that, and they've said that they're number one entrepreneurial talk radio. Surely there's nothing else. There is no other entrepreneurial talk radio in the market, right? So you've just got to define your niche narrowly enough. Actually, we get more listeners a week than they do, would you believe? They have an entire radio station.

That is fucking hilarious. I think there's 24,000 weekly listeners. I mean, kudos to them. They're starting something new. But, yeah, so we're number one in daily, half-assed satire, loosely satirical podcast. So there's this a TikTok account, which is inspirational TikToks about entrepreneurialism. So I'll just play you one for the listeners. And it's the DuPont method.

It's run by this guy called DuPont. I've heard of his chemicals company. Royce DuPont is his name. And he has a whole lot of management here. I'll just play you one. Having a good mentor is critical. Who are my mentors? Carnegie, Rockefeller, the Wright brothers.

But Royce, those guys are dead. You can't get advice from them. Or can I? And then he kills himself. Every single one of it is this sort of bro-masculous. There's a self-parody. It's complete parody. It's just wonderful.

So there are good people doing Saturday out there today. Go on listen to them instead of us. We should get them to do a podcast. That'd be the number one in satirical entrepreneurial talk bag. That's great. Catch you next time. Our Gives from Roebate with part of the Iconoclast Network. And do send your ratings, suggestions, whatever.

We actually read them all. And we do appreciate them. Yeah. And we've got to come back bigger, stronger, better in 2024. 2024. It's going to be a year. It's going to be, yeah, it's going to be the year. Everyone goes, whatever happened to Don Charles.