The Chaser Report - Remembering 11/9

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

At the beginning of the show, Nina gets sacked. Then we remember 9/11, and pay tribute to the way America has gotten even dumber since then. Dom looks at Bob Woodward's new book about Trump, and Nina (assuming she's not sacked) takes a deep dive into the King of Burns in the Queensland government. Plus Rebecca De Unamuno with all the latest Chaser news headlines.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational, and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report. My name is Charles Firth. And with me today are Dom Knight and Nina Oyama. Hey-oh.

And Nina, you've had a terrible week I hear. I've had the worst week of my life. I just want to give you some background. I was fired from a very important job. And the job, by the way, technically started in April. In April, these two amazing Australian comedy writers rung me up and they're like, hey, Nina, we're really excited.

We've just written this show. And the main character is called Nina. Amazing. Yeah, I was like, this is great news. She's half Japanese, the character, and me. and she lives in Sydney and she used to work in retail like I did and she also dropped out of high school

and did a three-year drama degree, just like me. That is so cool. How exciting for you! I know, I was like, this is the best day of my life. I've always wanted to work with these comedy writers, like, yes, yay. And then they were like, obviously, you still have to audition for the role because, like, that's how show business works. And I was like, of course, anything for you guys.

But you're playing yourself. Yeah, I mean, and it shouldn't have mattered. It was as though the part was catering to you. Exactly. And so they sent me through the scripts And I did the demos And they called me back like two weeks later And they're like, congratulations, you have the part of yourself

And I was like, yes, this is so good And it's for a podcast by the way for an audio show And so we were all like talking back and forth And eventually last week we had our first Zoom read With all the cast And the day after the Zoom read, I got fired Oh my God. How?

What did you do? I don't know. I've heard that they're going with an actor that's had over 20 years experience in the theatre and so I'm not good enough an actor to play myself. That is so insulting. It is so brutal. Like I've lost so many roles,

but this one, like, I'm playing me. And was it an awkward conversation? How did the conversation unfold on the phone? Well, so my agent rang me up and she said that it wasn't even, they didn't even call her, it was their agent that called her. So it wasn't, we haven't even talked.

I haven't talked to the writers. Wow. But my agent rang me up and she told me the news and then I cried. And then she was like, do you want the writers to call you? And I said no, because I was too sad. And the sad thing is like literally the day before I got fired. I like, I fully called my mom and I was like, I just had this like Zoom read with these like amazing people. And I think it went really well.

And I actually emailed the writers. I was like, hey, guys, I had the best time. I know you're stuck in Melbourne. Like, let me send you desserts. Like send me your email and your addresses. and I'll like literally send you desserts because you can do that now via Uber Eats. Oh God, Nina.

And just like no reply. Like no reply for a week and then the next week fired. Maybe they're lactose intolerant. You can get lactose-free desserts. So yeah, anyway. Now, so I mean that that is terrible. It does make this conversation

that we've got to have with you, Nina, just a little bit harder. Oh no, guys. What's happening? Like our agent should have actually called your agent. Yeah, I'm fat. Oh, have I got a promotion?

I've had a really fun time with you guys. If you ever want me to send you something for eats, I, um. It's not you. I'll drive the food to you. It's just that it turns out there's a better Nina Oyama. Yeah. So we're going to get Dom to play Nina Oyama from now on. Dom, have you had 20 years of stage experience?

Yes. Well, let's just say he's at least better than you. It should be noted that given. And if you look back at my history performing with the chaser team, I'm generally not regarded as a very strong actor yet. It was thought that I could actually handle your role. Yeah. And you know how, I mean, basically white men are taking, you know, unfairly taking the job

as people like you all the time, Nina. That's true. But I mean, like, if you're going to play me, then who's going to play you? We'll deal with that. I can't audition for the role of Dom or Charles. Like, no, no, can we, can we turn down her microphone? She's fine. Oh, come on, guys. Please, please let me have one more. There you go.

Anyway, so we've got a great show. Nina, what's, what are you doing on the show today? I'm going to be talking all about Queensland and how bizarre things are up there. I've prepared it very carefully based on my 27 years of being a half Japanese woman. And Dom, what are you got coming up? Today, as Dom, I'm going to be talking about Donald Trump's encounter. with legendary president-sacking journalist Bob Woodward. And I'm going to be talking about all the face mask protests in the US. Oh, as Nina, I'm very interested in that.

That's all coming up on the show. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Daynamino. Shut up. I'm really sorry I'm playing her role too. Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews has announced a new scheme so that restaurants across Melbourne can open sooner, as long as patrons eat outside. However, the scheme has been met with fierce opposition

from one critic who said he resented the new requirement. Meanwhile, women across Melbourne have expressed a lack of surprise that a man who said he wanted to eat out now doesn't want to. Kim Kardashian West has announced she will be boycotting Facebook and Instagram due to the constant sharing of harmful misinformation on the platforms. The celebrity said that misinformation is so prevalent on the platforms that you can find numerous examples, mainly by scrolling through her sponsored posts.

Energy Minister Angus Taylor has expressed concerns that his plans for a new gas power plant could alienate his mates over at the coal lobby. Meanwhile, Labour opposition leader Anthony Albanese has refused to oppose the plan saying that destroying the entire planet in a climate apocalypse polls well in key marginal seats. That's the latest chaser news.

Thanks, Beck. Hey, Beck, good news about the vaccine this week. The recommended trials of the Oxford vaccine recommence. Oh, yeah, I can't wait. Really, Beck, I thought you were an anti-vavats. Yeah, I am, but I can't wait for it to be available so I can then refuse to take it. Oh, yeah, well, that does make sense. Hello, I'm still here.

Who's this? It's Nina. You can't fire me, I quit. And then I also reapply for the job. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. The Chaser Report is powered by gas. It's renewable in 400 million years. The Chaser Report.

More news Less often So it was September 11 this week Yeah the 20th anniversary of the S11 protests Yes or the 19th anniversary Of 9-11 Dom

Anyway it did remind me of this box pop That we did for the war and everything Way back in the day It came off a survey showing that Americans Couldn't remember This was in about 2006 Americans couldn't remember Which year 9-11 was in

But we decided to take it a step further. What year did the 9-11 terrorist attack take place? 2000. What was it in 2002, I think? 2004. And I was in New York when it happened. I only don't remember. In what month did the 9-11 attacks take place?

October. August, I think. Maths, month. That was that October. Can you recall the exact date? of the 9-11 attacks? Well, it was September 9th. September 9th.

Yeah, it was, uh, what? September... I was gonna... Yeah, 9-11, September 1st. September the 1st? 16th, I think? 15th? 16th of August? Okay.

What religion did the 9-11 a terrorist belong to? Was it Hindu, Islam, or atheist? Hindu? Hindu? Hindu? they were they were stupid that's that's what religion they were they were they were like some stupid muslims or whoever they were charles you didn't know then but you were meeting donald

trump's base weren't you exactly right america it was a very prescient segment that america's only got dumber in the years since but guys i just wanted to ask you um what date do you think 9-11 was on well the 9th of november Well, I'm thinking, technically in Australia, it was the 12th of September. Very good. Because we're a day ahead. Was that a trick question, Charles? No, no.

You just got school, bro. Weren't you like in primary school at the time? Yeah, I was in year one, I think. I remember very vividly the day of the 9-11 attacks, but not in the other way, not like in the same way as everyone else remembers it vividly. Because I was watching Pokemon and then it kept getting interrupted with news footage of like towers exploding and I thought there was something wrong with the TV because no matter what channel I changed to to go to watch a kids show it was just like the towers

exploding so I woke up my parents and I was like mom dad there's something wrong with the TV the news keeps showing these like building gigs exploring which I don't care about because I just want to watch Pokemon and so that was the day that was my 9-11 wow so please don't cancel me that was I was literally like five years old but I was very annoyed I was like why is this happening to me right now. Yes. Well, as we mentioned, dumb Americans have got even dumber and more depressing since then. And I just want to give you a glimpse of how dumb America has gotten in 2020. And it's from a news report out of Utah during the week of an anti-mask protest. And the first talent that they interviewed was actually a five-year-old kid. A passionate call for action

Friday morning in St. George. Several police officers on standby. many locals called concerns about coronavirus spikes overblown. The flu kills more than coronavirus. Others calling the virus a hoax or stating that asymptomatic carriers simply do not exist. And they cannot be forced to wear masks anywhere as citizens of the United States. So the basic idea here is that they don't have to wear masks in America because it's their right as a citizen to not wear masks. So the question is, which founding fathers?

said that the right to not wear face masks was the citizen's right. Was it Thomas Jefferson? Was it George Washington or was it Greg from Facebook? I'm going to take a punt and say Thomas Jefferson. I mean, he was right-wing, right, of the time. He was a Republican politician. So I'm going to steadfast in my opinion. He was from the South.

Yeah, that figures. What do you reckon? I think it was Greg from Facebook, who is at the level of a founding father in 2020. Dom, you were correct. Oh, damn. Actually, it wasn't, well, Greg is what he calls himself on Facebook. I think it was actually Vlad,

because there's a lot of evidence that the anti-face mask movement is entirely created out of Russian trolls. It might not be Vlad. Like, it might be Gregor. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I mean, why, you know, why would Russians want Americans to die on mass? I mean, they've never wanted that before.

That's true. Anyway, the report goes on. Some rally attendings say they shouldn't ever wear masks if they have any medical issues or mental health concerns or if they feel they simply can't breathe. When George Floyd was saying, I can't breathe and then he died and now we're wearing a mask and we say, I can't breathe, but we're being forced to wear it anyway. Oh, that makes me so uncomfortable. Also, arguably refusing to wear a mask should classify as a mental health condition. Well, yeah, but then they, under their argument, then they wouldn't have to wear a mask. they're too good for us

They closed that loophole I can't believe you've been out-witted by them I mean so wonder you've been sacked I did wear a mask to the Zoom read and they probably couldn't hear me properly That's why I mean I'm just not sure whether to laugh at the inanity Or just cry

Well the question is Are these anti-maskers Really more oppressed than black people Both of them are dying in large numbers This is so distasteful, isn't it? It's so clasp. It's incredibly dis- But it's not like George Floyd didn't die from wearing a mask.

He died because a police officer killed him. Like, that is objectively what happened. Yeah, but what's worse? Being strangled to death by cops or wearing a mask? Like, which one? I just want to cry. I don't even know. Controversial opinion here, but I think being, you know,

strangled to death by the cops is actually way worse. Okay, but their history on its actions, gets worse than this. And before I play the next clip, I want you to just tell me, what do you think the worst thing that you could say about face masks is? Like, how could you actually go

even worse? The little metal strips in them are actually antennas for 5G. Oh, that's not bad. I think it's that they hide a beautiful smile. Okay, well, let's see. Parents are demanding. They have the right to decide what to do with their children. I'll tell you another reason

I had a hate mask. Most child molesters love them They're just They're just the tools of pedophiles I don't understand why a pedophile Would lack a mask I don't understand Yeah that's like a bondage and discipline thing

No to hide his face So that he doesn't get caught This is not sad though This is just Oh man I just weep with the state of that nation man I just kind of And it always comes down to pedophile

I don't understand. What if a pedophile used an American flag to obscure their face? Then it would be okay. That'd be fine. Go ahead. The Chaser Report. Less news. Less often.

Dom and Charles, obviously a lot of news around Australia has been quite depressing this week. Like Victoria has their extended lockdown. New South Wales is recording more cases. But luckily for us, Queensland is coming in hot with the goods. I'm sorry, Nana, but it doesn't really reassure me to hear that things are okay. in Queensland. Shut up, Dom, Queensland saves the day again. Our favourite state Queensland.

So this month's Queensland has been pretty tough on COVID restrictions. They've implemented strict water closure rules specifically. But they've also had some more interesting rules. Like recently declaring that groups of people dancing at weddings and nightclubs is prohibited, but sex parties are okay, provided they have adequate COVID restrictions in place. Nina, did you write these rules? Yes, you got me. I'm secretly working for the Palisheye government.

that I can fuck around. Sorry to my boyfriend, if you're hearing this. If you go to a sex party in Queensland, have you got to wear a mask while you're orgying? Maybe. Honestly, they haven't really specified the restrictions that I've found in the articles so far, but it's like it's one person every four square metres.

So you do have to be, you know, able to take space should you need it. So you've got to kind of, your orgy has to be cut out of entirely lying flat so as to, like a bad gamer twister. Come in the corner. They've got a cum corner. And you just, no, I'm kidding. And what happens if, like, you go to the sex party and then you get overtaken by the moment and you propose, does that then make it an illegal sex party?

Well, that's what I'm thinking. I'm like, maybe if they move weddings into strip clubs, like easy solve. Yes. Like, what could be so bad about that you knock over the hens night? And very romantic, too. So you can't do, like, dirty dancing, but you can do full on, fucking good stuff, Queensland. I reckon that's the Gold Coast constituency, isn't it?

It's just people from the Gold Coast going, well, we've got to have our sex party. Yeah, yeah, DTF will go home. Especially as Schoolies is cancelled, all the Toollies just have to have somewhere to go. Actually, I think that's what schoolies, like every year the Tollies should just be herded into a giant tent and made to get it up with each other. Just like Toooley Island. Yeah, Toooley Island. That's a TV series we should pitch right after this. Yes, we should.

The actor awards are actually looking for reality TV shows. But don't you have lots of work to do? Oh, no, you've been sacked. Anyway, speaking of things that are banned in Queensland, Prime Minister Scott Morrison is unable to enter the state unless it quarantines for 14 days like everyone else, which means he will be unable to physically assist in the Liberal Party campaign in the Queensland state election.

That's a good rule. Wait a minute. Who's in charge up there? Who runs the government? It's the Labor Party. The Labor Party. And they're banning Scott Morrison. They're not banning him.

They're just saying, if you want to come in, you have to quarantine for 14 days like everyone else. So the Labor Party's completely shot themselves in the foot there. Because surely the one thing that will get Labor elected is if Scott Morrison goes up to Queensland and campaigns for the Lib. No way, Charles. I think Palishe's strongest suit is saying no one from Sydney. You know how much they hate us up there?

No one from Sydney can come in, even the Prime Minister. I just wonder how we can get somehow in New South Wales a ban on Scott Morrison even though he lives here. Yeah, I would like that too. But I'm up for it. And is it just Scott Morrison or is it all Sydney side? It's all everyone from Sydney, Canberra and Melbourne. Because I think it should be specific just to Scott Morrison.

I do too. Because he's a real danger. Like he goes around and he forces people to shake his hands and that. I know already, already that's a warning sign for COVID. I mean, it is a strange regime where you can't be Scott Morrison and come in, but Petter Dutton is accepted. Well, so Scott Morrison was actually, asked about it and he really agreed.

He was like, yeah, I shouldn't go to Queensland. And then he said that he actually wasn't planning on visiting Queensland anytime soon anyway because he has Parliament. So, you know, he couldn't even do it if he wanted to. Didn't even want to go. Didn't even want to go to that party. Yeah, didn't even want to hang out with the Liberal MPs anyway. Didn't even want that part in the podcast.

Yeah. But it was a bit of a weird response from him because about two weeks ago, Scott Morrison was campaigning to have Queensland borders open up a bit more, especially for families with dying loved ones who basically, Basically, if they want to visit their loved one in Queensland, the whole family would have to pay for two weeks' worth of hotel quarantine, which is quite a bit of money. And Scott Morrison actually nearly broke down in tears on Ray Hadley's show. The Queensland Deputy Premier Stephen Miles was having none of it. You know, you were all reported on Scott Morrison nearly crying on Ray Hadley, right?

But has he ever cried about the hundreds of people who died in aged care under his watch? Has he ever cried about the Ruby Princess, which saw people spread right throughout this country with COVID-19? Does he cry right now for the tens of thousands of Australians who are stranded overseas, unable to return home? They are all things he is responsible for, but he has never once taken any responsibility, never once expressed any kind of regret. Oh, Stephen Miles in the hand. I love it. What an incredible smackdown. I just feel like someone, like Stephen Miles needs to have just like a group of people,

like whenever he says anything, they just go, eho, just like super hot fire. Have you seen that clip where he's like, they're like, hey? I don't know. I just, I feel like it's amazing. But what do you think? Do you think Scott Morrison has ever cried over any of those things? I mean, I know if you sat yourself in a Macca's toilet, you'd probably be pretty tearful on grandfinal day as well.

I think he's cried over. So, like, anytime the sharks lose, I'm sure he cries. Any time he burns the curry. Oh, yeah. The one meal. Yeah, yeah. Beer running out while he's watching the sharks lose. Oh, yeah.

Maybe every time he doesn't make any money or misses out on a money-making opportunity. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, every time he doesn't get payola from the gas industry. Yeah, I would be sobbing if I was on my holiday in Hawaii. Yes. And the woke losers on Twitter just whine so much had to come back to Australia just because it was all on fire. Oh, yeah.

Bloody fires. Anyway, speaking of fires, this is one of a number of third-degree burns. Stephen Miles has delivered to liberal politicians this week. Another person who's visiting Queensland right now actually is actor Tom Hanks, who landed back in the country after surviving the coronavirus. So he's here to shoot Baz Luhrman's Elvis Presley Biopic, which is shooting in Queensland. And the head of Border Force, Peter Dunn, is just fully like railing against him.

He's saying it's not fair that Tom Hanks can enter Queensland and quarantine at his hotel of choice when other families, Australian families, can't see their loved ones. And he says basically, if Hanks was a tourist, he wouldn't be allowed back in the country. Now, isn't this the same guy as government let Danny Minogue basically just go and chillax at a resort? Yeah. Yeah, and what about like if Tom Hanks was an O'Pair? That would be totally fine. They could just get in.

I know. Maybe Tom Hanks should offer to take care of Peter Dutton's children. I love it. Bingo-banggo, that's loophole. But actually, actually, it doesn't appear that it's the Queensland government's fault because according to Stephen Miles, the fault is actually on someone else. Non-residents coming to Australia need to be permitted to come here by border force. And what that means is that when Peter Dutton launched that extraordinary attack during the week,

he was lying. He was saying that it was us that let Tom Hanks in, when in fact it was him and his own department that let Tom Hanks in. Peter Dutton was actually responsible for bringing Tom Hanks into the country. I love it. That's probably the best thing he's ever done as an entire career. He's sort of self-burned himself just by criticising. Oh my God, that's crazy.

It is insane. Like, how does Peter Dutton come back from that? You can't. You can't. It's a smouldering ruin. No, no, no, no. I think Peter Dutton's got a lot of powers as Home Affairs Minister. I think he should just lock up Stephen Miles as a sort of, you know,

under some anti-terrorism law. Like, Peter Dunn has all those powers now. He does look like Voldemort. He is very Voldemort looking like. He has even less eyebrow hair than I've ever seen him. Well, because he got COVID earlier in the year. He did. And he's never really recovered.

I mean, I had not realised till that point that potatoes could get COVID-19. But now there is something about to happen in Queensland, which I have, you know, mentioned in this previous. conversation, which is possibly why all the politicians are focusing their energy on making Anastasia Palisheye look bad or incompetent. Do you have any idea what that could be? I don't know. It certainly wouldn't be to do with petty politics. No? No, hang on. Is the Logie is still happening on the Gold Coast? Is that it? Maybe, Dom, but I think Stephen Miles has the answer. These restrictions apply in Tasmania, South Australia, W.A., Northern Territory,

But did you see once Scott Morrison talk about any of those states, those that don't have elections coming up? No, you didn't. He just attacked Queensland. And so I think the only difference is that there is an election coming in Queensland. And Scott Morrison thinks there's a chance to get Deb Frecklington elected leader to get our borders open. The election! Yay! Ah, what do you think?

Do you think this is a real thing? or do you think it's all part of a Q&on conspiracy? I think Stephen Miles should become Prime Minister. He's so much better than the rest of them. This seems like a massive miscalculation by the Libs. I mean, Anastasia Palishe has a policy of keeping non-Quinslanders out of Queensland. She's going to be premier 50 years. The Chaser Report.

News you know you can't trust. The Chaser Report is powered by gas because fuck climate change. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence. This is The Chase of Report. All right, Neander and Charles, it's time to head to the US, where Donald Trump has got in even more trouble over a book. It seems whenever a book comes out, that's his weak spot. And this is a particularly strange thing,

because what happened was Bob Woodward is the legendary journalist who brought down Richard Nixon during Watergate. He's very, very feared, he's really good. He's already written a book that's very critical of Donald Trump called Fear earlier in the Trump presidency. So when the notion of whether or not Donald Trump should be interviewed by Bob Woodward came up, what do you think a sensible response would have been given that Donald Trump is trying to win this election? Oh, hell no.

If I was a president, I don't even care if I was a good president. I would never say yes to an interview with Bob Woodward. So that's obviously what Donald Trump said, right? No. Donald Trump thought he could charm Woodward and that the problem with the earlier book was just that he hadn't spent enough time talking to him because he listened to the people who said, don't talk to Woodward. And in fact, he so enjoyed talking to the most famous journalist in America that it got to the point where he was ringing up, Woodward, unannounced, late at night,

to just give him some more thoughts and insight. And it's actually kind of hilariously nauseating because he so wants Woodward to like him and be impressed. You sure he wasn't just trying to find out who deep throat is? I was expecting he was trying to find out who Bob Woodward is. I'm not sure he knows. But surely, surely, I mean, He's calling him up late at night. So that's when you have like off the record conversations, right?

No. It's off the record, right? Bob Woodward recorded all of the conversations and told him, Mr. President, I'm pressing record now. Oh my God. So look, let's look at what was said in those conversations. And the thing, let's start with the thing that's made the most headlines, which is that Trump told Woodward he knew how deadly COVID-19 was in January.

Quite the opposite of what he was saying at the time. he was told it would be the greatest threat to his presidency. And here's some of the audio. And just listen to Trump trying to impress Bob Woodward. What was President Xi saying yesterday? Well, we were talking mostly about the virus. And I think he's going to have it in good shape. But, you know, it's a very tricky situation.

There you go. So he's talking to Xi Jinping, the president of China. And this was in February, was it? This is in, yeah, so the conversation was in January. In January. And he's telling Woodward in February. Right, yeah. So then Woodward goes on and he actually displays, I'm not making this up, some scientific knowledge.

It goes through air, Bob. That's always tougher than the touch. You know, the touch, you don't have to touch things, right? But the air, you just breathe the air. That's how it's past. So, I mean, he does sound like an igon-romis, admittedly. But that was the key fact that coronavirus was airborne. He knew that at the start of the year.

And he told Bob Woodward in February. And what was he saying, now that we know that he was knowing this in January, what was he saying? He was saying it was no better than the flu. Yeah. It's not that bad. It's all going to go away when it heats up. When the weather gets warmer, it'll vanish, he said.

Now, knowing that Woodward is the guy who brings down presidents with recorded tapes, no less, I don't know that Trump knows that. But most people know that at the same time he was telling him. the public not to worry. What is the least smart thing you can say to the investigative journalist who's doing a book on you? How about this? It's also more deadly than your, you know, even your strenuous flus. You know, this is 5% versus 1% and less than 1%. You know, so this is deadly stuff. So this is literally the opposite of what he was telling the American public. Yeah, he's

talking up COVID, right? Like he's saying how amazing. It's like it's a shitty condo, with the Trump logo on it. He's like, it is the deadliest flu. That's, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Why, though? Why did he not? I think he wants Woodward to be impressed by all of his inside and knowledge,

which he would have, what with being presidents and all that. But look, he goes on. Woodward's technique is quite interesting because he gives him a lot of softball questions. And Trump, he doesn't do a great job with them. Have listened to this incredibly, incredibly, I guess, This question where Wood would gives him a chance to really say something for the record books. What he's saying is, tell me about a time when there was a pivot where you went to realizing this really was a serious thing. What would someone really bad at answering questions say at this point?

How about this? Well, I think Bob really, to be honest with you. Sure, I want you to be. I wanted to always play it down. I still like playing it down. Yes. Because I don't want to create a panic. I mean, good job.

Millions of Americans are still not panicking about COVID, even as we heard earlier in the show, even though it's killed 200,000 Americans now. Like, no offence to Donald Trump, but isn't his entire deal making people panic? Like, doesn't he love to make people panic? Isn't that like his number one thing? Yeah, about caravans, about Biden,

about MS-13 moving next door, everything except for the one thing that is killing Americans in large numbers. Well, this is terrible. But this is a thing about Trump, right? throughout the whole pandemic he's been saying don't take this seriously no mask he's had all these rallies without social distancing on this kind of stuff he's been quite brave and up front about that and you'd think it'd be a little bit sensible to be consistent with that line when talking to bob woodward wouldn't you well this is what he said about a scare in his office and bob it's so easily transmissible you wouldn't even believe it i know it's i mean you can you can be in the room i was in the white house a couple of days ago a meeting of 10 people in the Oval Office

and a guy sneezed innocently, not a horrible, you know, just a sneeze. The entire room bailed out, okay, it's leaving me, by the way. So when there's a sneeze, near him, the entire room gets evacuated. Oh my God. An innocent sneeze.

An innocent sneeze. There you go. He just wanted to clear it, like, because you could do a deliberate sneeze. Yeah. That's right. So we've learned so far that Trump isn't very good at answering questions

and he really wants to suck up to Bob Woodward. But there is so much more in the book. Now, I don't have all of it, but I'm going to see if you can guess some of the other astonishing revelations in this book. So on Black Lives Matters, Woodward said, I've cut down the quote somewhat. He said to Trump, we're white and privileged.

Do you have any sense that the privilege has isolated us and we have to work our way out of it to understand the anger and the pain, particularly black people feel in this country? So he's being asked to make a comment on Black Lives Matters. What do you think, Trump says? Surely he says something about how actually white people are worse off than black people. Surely.

Is that what he says? Yeah, or maybe he says like, I'm the best president for black people, immaculate, amazing president. Yeah, or he actually says he is black. I reckon he says he is black. He did say, he actually did say on TV Adapu ago. He said, I'm the best president for black people ever. But what is, including Barack Obama, right?

No. He said, so when I asked about black lives matters, he said, no, I don't. think that. You really drank the Kool-Aid, didn't you, Bob? Just listen to you. Jesus. Yeah. Now, also in the book, an aide to a former defence secretary and general, Jim Mattis, and I had heard the president say in a meeting, my fucking generals are a bunch of what? I'm hoping it's the C word. It's my favourite word, the C-Bomb. Yeah, it's going to be the C-word or the P-word. What's the P-word? You've got it. He got it. P-sies. He called them p-sies, although he didn't try to grab the general. after that point.

Amazing stuff. He probably was just expressing desire. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. Trump then also told Woodward as part of his campaign to impress this journal.

A national security secret, like a top secret thing that had a lot of people in Washington just astonished. What did he reveal the existence of that nobody knew about before? To Bob Woodward. God, I don't know.

An alien? Is it some sort of fighters? Is it that he knows climate change is real? That would be great. What he said was, I've built a nuclear weapon system that no one's ever had before. We have stuff you haven't seen or heard about

that Putin and Xi don't know about. Oh no. There's nobody. What we have is incredible, he said. He revealed the existence of and they figured out what it is somehow. Some amazing new nuclear system that no one knew that the US had.

He was just bragging about this to a journal. I don't think we're going to survive the year at this rate. I mean, it's a pity that 2020 is the last year because it's such a bad year. Yeah, it was going out with a real wimper, wasn't it? Well, with a bang, I think. Yeah, but it goes on, speaking of people who like to blow things up. He tries to impress Woodward, the president of the United States, by boasting about his bromance with Kim Jong-un.

Who apparently refers to Trump as Your Excellency and sucks up to him as well. Trump told Woodward about a conversation he had with Kim where Kim was bragging about having done something truly awful and Trump passed this on to Woodward. What do you think it was? Is it the machine gunning of his uncle? Yes, it is. Oh, thank you.

Oh my God, when he killed his uncle in that airport. Yeah. No, no, no, with the machine gun. That was his brother. The anti-aircraft machine. Did you say that? His uncle was a threat to him in the regime. Yeah.

And so he had him killed with an anti-aircraft machine gun. And then this is the bit we didn't. No, I'm quoting Trump here. He killed his uncle and he put his body right in the steps and his head was cut off sitting on the chest. What the actual fuck? Like this is like a caricature of like what rich people do. Like I can't, I can't like it makes me so angry.

It makes me so angry that like everyone believes like Trump is the kind of person that's going to like save all the children from all the pedophiles. It's like he endorses this behavior. I was so amazed that he cut his head off and put it on the scene. I mean, that is amazing, Bob. Oh, my God. It's just because Trump's whole world is television, isn't it? Yeah.

It's a very breaking bad moment. It really is. That is so monstrous. Oh, man. But look, it is incredible. Like, in the course of the book, I really want to read it. How much he told Woodward in an attempt to confess him, just ringing him up out of the blue to tell him about the number one top national security

sacred in the US. He was incredibly candid. But the other thing is Bob Wood did that whole thing. of giving him enough rope, like just giving him all this stuff to try and make a big statement for the ages. I mean, I really don't think it would be that hard. You just ask him like a leading question and it'll just talk himself into oblivion. Yeah, we'll have a listen to this leading question.

Was there a moment in all of this last two months where you said to yourself, you know, you're waking up or you're, you know, whatever you're doing and you say, ah, this is the leadership test of a lifetime. So he's giving him the chance to wind up and say, yes, I was determined to protect the American people from COVID. This is my moment. I am the man. I'm going to keep America safe.

What do you think Trump said? I feel like Trump was like, oh, nah, this is just another day. It's a breeze or some shit like that. What he said was. No. No. I think it might be, but I don't think that. All I want to do is get it solved.

He just wants to get it solved, guys, guys. Do you believe that? That he wants to get COVID solved. It reminds me of my nine-year-old wanting to avoid his homework. I just want to get it done. Yeah, but imagine if the homework killed like hundreds and thousands of people every day. It does. It does, according to my son. Yeah, the dog ate 200,000 American people.

But, I mean, it is extraordinary to just look back on the fact that he said yes to this. Given that Woodward had already written a very negative book about him, in this book, Woodward concludes that Trump is not up to the job. Really? Really? Does he? He does? And so it just makes it... What should Donald Trump have said when in Bob Woodward asked

for another round of interviews? He should have said no. No. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. The Chaser Report is powered by gas. It's completely economically viable

as long as it's heavily subsidised. The Chaser Report. News you can't trust. Okay, that's about it for the show, but hang on. We've got late-breaking news from Rebecca Dana-Muno. How unprecedented. A homeopath has overdosed on a glass of water. Doctors say the water contain no traces of any active ingredients, making it incredibly potent.

The homeopath is expected to make a full recovery because his horoscope said he would. Well, I was very surprised that we had late-breaking news, but there you go. That's the end of the show. Check us out at chaser.com. Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and TikTok. TikTok, of course, of course. Did you get lots of followers from last week? Yeah, I got a few.

Thank you for following me. So that's at Nina Oyama, is it? Nina.org. Are you going to TikTok the scenes from your podcast? No, I'm too scared. Give us a five-star review on Apple and today's keyword is... Stephen Miles. Is a daddy.

Now, look, to take us out this week. J.K. Rowling's been in all kinds of trouble for the past few months because of all the transphobic comments that she's made. And apparently her new Corman Strike book that's just come out features a serial killer who likes to wear women's clothing. So it's only escalating. And frankly, it's not a huge surprise that this came out about another Harry Potter movie. From J.K. Rowling comes a new story about a boy who is happy remaining a boy. You're a wizard, Harry. And you don't want to dress up with you. Like no witch, do you?

No, Hagrid, I don't want to colonise the spaces heroic feminists have fought for. Now, Harry, watch out for he slash she who must not be considered female. But Professor Dumbledore, I thought this series was about treating everyone equally, even muggles and house elves. Oh yes, except trans people. Even though I have long hair and long robes and like men, I would never transfigure myself into a lady. with an even scarier villain.

Voldemort, what's happening? I've changed my pronoun. No! Forget conquering the world. Now I, Lady Voldemorta, only wish to colonize women's bathrooms, and I've recusured a terrifying army to help me. The Death Eaters, my lady?

No, Belitrix, far more evil. Woke people on Twitter. Harry Potter and the prisoner of Azca Trans. It's J.K. Rowling's worst nightmare. You're in my clutches at last, Harry Potter. I've heard of vagina. Oh no, you've turned me into Harriet Potter. J.K. Rowling will be ever so angry when she's not pretending to be a man called Robert Galbraith. Out now. Unlike what J.K. Rowling wants for trans people.

Thank you.