The Chaser Report - Russian Boycott Bonanza

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

In this special episode of The Chaser Report we announce that - just like every other company trying to score some brownie points - we are officially boycotting Russia. Aleksa and John both take a look at the different ways that Russia is being boycotted by everyone from bartenders to meerkats. Plus our lame producer has more notes for professional development. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Friday, the 4th of March. I'm Charles Firth, and with me today are Alex Ovalovich. Hello. Gabby Bolt. Hey. John Delmenico. Hi, guys.

And not Lachlan Hodson. Sorry, Lachlan. I told you. I keep telling you to plug the mic in, Lockhart. I will be joining for the third segment. I'm just... Okay. You just hear, you just watch...

He's just eating a Musley Bar. You look like you belong in, like, a coffee ad right now, Lachlan. He's got the suit, the Musley Bar, sorry. Welcome to the super slick episode of The Chaser Report. Now, John, you've got something to talk about. So there's been... I don't know if you guys have seen in the news lately. There's been a bit of a war going on in Ukraine.

Oh, really? Since when? I feel like a week or so, but don't worry, because it's definitely been solved now. Oh, right. Oh, great. Brilliant. Yeah. Great. Well, lots of countries were doing things like sanctions and like giving resources to Ukraine.

There have been companies and groups around the world who've actually done something about it. Oh, well, okay. So Vladimir Putin has been suspended as the international president of judo. Oh. Oh. I don't even realize he was the judo president. On top of that, he's been stripped over his Taekwondo black belt as well. This feels like counterintuitive because I had no idea that he did judo and Taekwondo.

And surely you're meant to make him look bad. But like stripping him all these things makes me think like, oh, he can do judo and Taekwondo. I wasn't thinking about that at all. I was thinking about like, oh, this guy's murdering civilians. But now I'm like, he still has the nukes. But now he has no longer considered the president of judo, whatever that means. I sort of feel that. I mean, like, I know he's a horrible man and everything,

but I kind of feel it's just a little bit unfair to strip someone of their taekwondo black belt. Like, you know, that's not like a title. It's not on a riftie. It's something you earn. Oh, yeah. Like, he put in the work. He deserves that black belt.

Also, what does it take to become president of judo? Like, are you democratically voted in by all the judo fighters? Actually, he invaded this. headquarters and appointed until president. I guess that makes sense then. Maybe you should be revoked. Coming up on the show,

we're going to talk about more about Russia, aren't we? Yeah, there's some horrible new casualties for the Ukraine conflict. I've just become aware of. And I don't want to be the bear of bad news, but I think Lachlan's got more producer notes. Oh, what the fuck?

Come on. Yeah, I know. I thought the one time was fine. Yeah. Apparently, he wants to hold us accountable and keep us been practicing. and, you know, get better at our jobs. Can I leave for that?

I feel persecuted just like Vladimir Pute. That's what I'm feeling right now. He's going to strip us off our podcast, Black Belt. All that and more coming up. But first of all, let's go to a Tosa Newsroom. A minimum wage worker who lost years of their life trying to live with COVID is surprised to see that the Prime Minister is having time off work this week. The starving arts student who works part-time at Mick Jacks and

Colesworths was bewildered by the fact that unlike them, the Prime Minister was not being forced to sacrifice his health and safety by letting it rip. Meanwhile, in his lockdown, Prime Minister and part-time chef Scott Morrison has noticed that since catching COVID, his cooking has started tasting substantially better. Morrison first noticed his cooking had improved when he suddenly found he was able to consume his homemade fish curry and Nutella pancakes. However, reports say that Morrison has since begun experimenting by combining the two dishes. Finally, in a weather report for around the country, meteorologists have confirmed

shit's fucked. Those are the latest headlines for the Chaser report, and I'm not going to address the elephant in the room. Okay, you all, you all heard about this war in Ukraine, right? Yeah, we just spoke about it? Yeah, well, it's just gotten a lot worse. You know, we heard about civilian casualties and all these things, but something has been taken away from us in this battle

and I think whoever did it has gone too far this war needs to end now I'll show you this might be the last time you ever hear this for compare mirkats come to compare the mirkats.com for easy vet or 7 car insurance please go to compare the market

dot com simple if you guys remember that ad Yeah, the mere-cared ad, yeah, you can hear the market. They've pulled the ads because of the Russian accent that the main character has and it's negative connotations now that there's a war between Russia and Ukraine. What? That's tragic. It's literally the only funny ad that has existed over the past two decades, and this war has taken it away from us.

I'm sorry, Ronda and Kutut would like a word with you. The only funny ad. The thing is, I haven't heard that ad since the Bali bombing. you know, like negative, negative connotations. You think maybe the ad wasn't playing anyway and they just thought, oh, this is an easy opportunity. Oh, yeah. The worst thing was, the ad was playing,

and they've had like 50 variations of this ad. They've had one, like, going into the meerkats, like great, great grandparents, and, like, they've really milked this Russian meerkat universe. So this is as big as neighbors shutting down. Oh, yeah. People actually watch these ads, though. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. So this is huge news. And has there been a response from Vladimir Putin? Oh, he's furious. Did you see that apartment block that just got hit by a book missile? That was because of the MIRCAT? Yeah. Fuck, yeah, right.

So is that why compare the market put out a statement saying that the MIRCats aren't funding the Russian military? Yeah, yeah. Because that was a real statement that they said this week. Yeah, they had to do it in the funny MIRCat voice. as well. It was really hard-hitting and also not credible because it was in a Russian accent. So you're going, oh, come on, I don't believe that. How far will this go, though? Because, like,

I don't know about you, but I think there's something about British actors fucking froth a Cold War film. You know, there's like so many, like, Tinker Tail Soldier Spy, like, all these Cold War films, and there's always one of those bastards doing a Russian accent. So now, like, are war films going to evict Russian accent? But it's really shooting themselves. on the foot because like those Russian accent characters are always evil and now if you can't do those accents you can't make Russians look evil anymore like it's a really really backfiring

I think travesty I've got a friend of mine has a Russian wife oh is she she's she's she's divorced her or something now like what do you do I think I think I think he's just change her accent what about Russian words like can I say oy pass the Molotov anymore or not No, that's offensive. I don't know if you've seen in America, Gabby, but anything Russian is now very offensive. Vodka? What about a Russian salad?

I had a Russian salad. Literally, there is people now, like, crossing out the word Russian on the Russian salad dressing. What about Russian for work? Are you allowed to do that anymore? No, no, the verb to rush is off limits now. Because it's linked to Russia, but also matches the speed at which they invaded the country.

It's just a double no. Yeah. Also, Charles, you'll be upset by this one. In America, there's a bunch of pubs banning the, banning calling the drink the white Russian. Oh, really? They're now calling for it to be called the white Ukrainian. No. It's a questionable name regardless.

Yeah, let's just not call it that at all. Let's just call it what it is. Milk and alcohol. A mistake. It is. It's pretty gross. It is just such a weird thing, though. Like, I can understand sanctions, you know, designed to, you know, suffocate a regime.

But, like, it's so weird to stigmatize an entire culture. It's just like, we can't have this accent anymore. Like, this is... Did the same thing happen, though, in World War II? Like, did... I think it probably did, didn't it? Because you went to let... My grandparents had to rename their...

Well, my great-grandparents had to rename their surnames. and everything because it was all, they're all from Germany. You don't even have to go that far back. I remember in 2003 when the Iraq War started and all the Simpsons suddenly became Iraqi in solidarity. Do you remember that? It was just like I missed out on like 20 years of American culture. I remember I was looking at Finding Nemo was about to come out in 2003.

I only just watched it like two months ago when they pulled out of Afghanistan. Like it's, it has aged horribly because the reef is dead, right? Like none of these movies are watchable anymore. And we just missed out on a good... The fish? Do you say the fish pulled out of Afghanistan? Did I say that? Yeah, the fish did put on the phone.

When was the last time you watched the movie? That's why it's aged poorly. It's because the fish were invading Afghanistan. Wait a minute. Why couldn't you watch Finding Nemo? Because American culture became like stigmatized as soon as they invaded Iraq. Remember? Yes, that's right.

I remember. Yes, that's right. And anyone... I remember during the Iraq war we stopped calling freedom fries freedom fries started calling them French fries and it was just a whole mess. I was calling them Iraqi fries. I miss the memory. And every movie that had an American accent, you just get nothing up.

Yeah, yeah. It became Canadian accents but I struggled to tell the difference anyway. So I think that was pretty safe. But yeah, it's really hard to catch up with all this American culture that we've missed out on. Yes, yes. I remember The Simpsons and I was like, it's such a fine. show apparently they have like a million more episodes that they were streaming all these years and they're all suck they're so bad yeah i just i had no idea as soon as they lost that international

audience they just went so downhill but they changed their ways they stopped being imperialists oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so hopefully that same strategy works now america hasn't invaded someone for at least like a month they're doing a really good job about it? I'm actually surprised that they haven't responded to Russia by invading an oil-rich Middle Eastern country. I'm sure it's going to be any day now. The obvious solution to the problem, really. I'm still so confused about finding Nemo. I was just that it was going to come out in 2003. Then the Iraq war happened and then we boycotted. No, it's an American film. Everyone's got American accents, but it's based here. It's set on 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. And it's made by

an Australian and it was made in Australia. Oh, okay, but that was just a really bad reference for me. The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. So guys, big, bad boss, he's coming in, not you, Charles and not Dom.

Lockland has producer notes. It's producer notes time. I think apparently this is becoming a regular thing. Hi, Lucky. Let's get some hype for the producer notes. Yeah. Wait, before we start this, is it legal for him to fire us on air? He has to do it differently, right?

I miss this one like I missed the last one. Why does everyone always think that I'm coming in with bad news? I come in, I want to encourage you. I want to make this better. Last time you came in with a penis montage. I know. I feel like, I think I just dread whatever you're coming in here with. No, we've cut down, we've cut down on our penis talk.

You have, you have cut down on penis talk. I just want to say, congratulations everyone for... Congratulations. I think that's mainly because Scott Morris, has been lying low because he's head-coated. I feel like maybe I shouldn't come in and address these things because I create more problems for myself when editing. But that's okay.

No, no, no. I just thought, you know, a few more notes, few more things we can work on, a few more things we can celebrate. So the first one is there is actually a contractual issue that we're having at the moment. Oh, shit. I was recently looking over everyone's contracts,

and I found out that there's a clause in Gabby's. that means... I mean, I didn't read it, so... Yeah, no, evidently, because Gabby, if you did read it, you'd know that we aren't plugging your show merely as much as we're supposed to. Oh. Oh, sweet.

This works out great for me. This counts as a plug, though. Well, this counts as a plug. I like producer notes now. Gabby, is your show boycotting Russia as well, or are you... John's brought us to the second producer note of the show of the week, which is the Russian boycotting situation. Oh.

As you guys are aware, and I'm pretty sure we talk. about this episode extensively lots of things are being boycotted oh but you know it's not being boycotted lucklin my show i hope my keyboard doesn't break live at the valley at gluttony in adelaide fringe from 720 and my beer clothes are ready it's nice isn't it your beer clothes that you put in the wash yesterday yesterday yeah yesterday they've been in there for they needed to be cleaned yeah i went to my last show naked it was great so yeah we've obviously we're going to be doing more about the Russian boycotting. So I was going to ask about, you know what, we'll cut, we'll cut that and I'll go straight to the next one. We'll cut that. You guys are segueing way too well

to producer notes. You told me to plug show. I told me to plug show. I'm lucky. I like how the producers come on the podcast and it's become a giant mess. Yeah, you know what? You're about to think that the next producer note is going to be incredibly ironic, but I will not take the blame for this. The third producer note is that there's been too many organization failures. Oh, this is a note for yourself. It's not a note for me. It's a note for you guys. Hey, look, who's job is it?

Gabby just forgot what day it was. Yeah, well, I'm busy. Okay, I'm busy being super famous. Yeah, and you know what? That's another problem, actually. I'm really struggling. All of you guys are everywhere. Okay, we just had to do a recording with four people in four different parts of the country.

I don't know who's anywhere right now. Should I go to Adelaide as well? so more of us are in the same place. On Tuesday, I was the only person in the office, and so I think which is all go to Adelaide, and then that solves issue. Lachlan, Sydney, and the rest of us will head over there. I don't want you guys to go to Adelaide,

because there's lots of things slipping through the cracks. Lockland hates Adelaide. Well, no, do you guys even know what day it is? Huh? Do you guys even know what day it is? Yeah. What's the day? It's Friday.

Today is the day that a lot of you should go. go out and buy tickets to my show. I hope my keyboard doesn't break live at the valley. Friday the 4th of March. Where can we do that, Gabi? Any particular things happening on Friday the 4th of March? March the 4th. Oh, is it your birthday, is I mean?

What? My birthday. Is it? No, yes, it's my birthday. You guys all forgot my birthday. Oh, is it? No, it's my birthday on Friday the 4th of March. It's 22.

Is this a producer note? Wait, hold on, sorry. I know how we fix this. Alexa, a word. A word? Sure. Okay, so I don't know if you remember during the Christmas episode when Locky got us all a gift and then we all had to give him a gift. And then you pulled a real sick maneuver and gave him the mask out of your pocket.

Yeah, yeah. You're going to have to pull one of those because I'm not there. Okay. You need to give him something. Lucky, we totally remembered. We totally remembered. And that is why we've given you this. special birthday thing.

So I've reached into my pocket to find the present and it turns out I'm giving him a 2003 forward focus. That's a great gift. He is the key. We all pitched in. Happy birthday. Just like my mum used to make. Yeah.

You get that for exactly 10 minutes. Isn't that lovely? So anyway, my producer note is there's lots of things falling through the cracks and I just think if my birthday, which is one of the most important calendar dates of the year, can slip through, what else is happening? It didn't slip through, you've got a car. What the hell? Also, Locke, am we supposed to do the rest of us have plans tonight?

It's not all about you. Okay, well... Shut up, Lachlan. Stop going on about your birthday. Yeah, Lachlan. Selfish. But you know what? If it's not Lachlan's birthday,

anybody else who's having a birthday today, you know what you should do. As a present to yourself, you should buy tickets to my show. I hope my keyboard doesn't break. Live at the Bally at Gladney, 7.20 p.m. We can all not celebrate Loughlin's birthday together. You know what? If none of my notes have gotten through,

I'm glad that we're plugging Gabby's show more. Our gear is from road microphones. We're part of the A-Cast-creator network. Have a great weekend. Catch you next week. Happy birthday to me. Gabby, like your show. There's a forward focus.

I'll often cut that part out. Yeah, we're not going to sing to you.