The Chaser Report - Sami Shah and the BANNED-parents

Episode Date: November 5, 2025

Regular Chaser Report contributor Sami Shah tells Dom how his parents had their regular tourist visa DENIED by Australian authorities when they were trying to visit their new grandchild, and how for Sami, this turned into a battle over the Australian way of life.Melbourne listeners can go see Sami Shah’s new show “ You'd Think After 20 Years I'd Be Better At This” at Comedy Republic on November 13 at 6:30pm. Get tickets here: https://www.comedyrepublic.com.au/event/38:520/38:1821/Order the 2025 CHASER ANNUAL: https://chasershop.com/products/the-chaser-and-the-shovel-annual-2025-preorderListen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report. Apologies for our tardiness with updating, but my goodness, have we got a good update for you today? Charles is off, but we have the far more qualified, soon-to-be doctor, I understand, Sammy Shah. Ah, thank you. Sammy, hello, you've had a lot going on recently. Well, I mean, not soon to be.

I still have to do my final, you know, PhD presentation in February. If I pass that, then I become doctor and my parents will finally be proud of me. Yeah. They'll have a doctor. Yeah. I mean, look, they do have a daughter who is a doctor, who is an actual medical doctor, like a qualified medical doctor. But, you know, we're South Asian and I'm the son.

So obviously, I'm the favorite. Let's be honest here. So, yeah. Still? I don't think so. Still? I think I think I killed my chance to being the favorite after the second divorce. I think the shame that I brought upon the family with that one,

it kind of really... But was it so brief that they didn't tell you one about the second marriage or had they gone... No, it was just long enough for photographs to go out and then, yeah. So, yeah, you know, South Asian culture is very big on honour and prestige. So, yeah. Doctor, Dr. Shah, that will heal a lot of friends. All right, lots to catch up on with you, Sammy, including some personal news.

And then you wrote an article in Christ, A couple weeks ago, which I found really, shall we say, thought-provoking. And I really want to hear what's happened. This is the battle that you had to try and get your parents into the country to meet your new baby. Yeah. Something that you would imagine for, I mean, who are Australian citizens in the conversation? I was born here. I'm an Australian citizen.

Sammy Shai, you are? Are you an Australian citizen? I am a citizen, yes. Right. So one of the things you would expect as a citizen of this country is that, you know, know, if our parents want to come and see they're also Australian citizen grandchildren, that might be something that could be facilitated. Was it, Sammy?

Well, it turns out no. It turns out that Australian government feels that grandparents visiting their grandchildren is a huge threat to our migration numbers or some such nonsense. So I'll give some... Let's find out how that breaks down in a second. Okay, so before we get to the wrangling with the immigration department, Sammy, Let's not bury the lead here. You had a baby.

You're now a father of three. I am. Thank you very much. I have a 16 year old, a 2 and a 2 week old, which is quite a spread. Magnificent. I mean, to me, that says future long-term babysitter. I mean, you think so,

but the 16-year-old is very much in the 16-year-old phase of, I want to be in my room, leave me alone. And in a couple of years, I'll probably go off to university and move into Sharehouse. so I don't know how useful that will be, right? Yeah, I think I waited too long. I should have had maybe a 10-year gap between the first and the second as opposed to 14-year gap between the first and second.

But, yeah, you know, this is what family planning is important, people. Well, as the subject of your comedy show, you did an entire hour on the second divorce. Things don't always turn out as plan. However, incredibly exciting news, Sammy. Thank you. Thank you very much. How do you have time to talk to me?

I don't actually, right now. I've got, you know, my partner's probably cursing the hell off out of me right now for abandoning her with the children but yeah, I felt like I was important to talk to you because I miss you, I miss being on the chaser, I miss the chaser listeners. Yeah, this is a pretext

for getting away, I understand. But also, hang on, the other thing to mention just before we get into the immigration tale is that you're doing a gig. Yes. How? How are you doing a gig? Look, here's the thing,

you're making me sound like a terrible father and I probably am. No, no, I know you're super engaged. And look, if you measure fatherhood by the number of children, my goodness, you're doing really well. Yeah, I'm up there with, I think, Al Pacino and Robert Diro or something at this point, probably. Maybe not Elon Musk numbers, but, you know, or the founder of Telegal. Hey, you're a lot younger. Yeah, the founder of Telegraph, that guy has 100 kids.

But I also don't have billions of dollars to leave to my 100 kids, so I won't do that. Yet. Yes, yet. That might change with this show, with this life. show. I wasn't planning on doing a live show, but it was kind of a weird anniversary coming up. So November 13th of this year is exactly 20 years since the first time I did stand-up comedy. And I just felt like it was a thing to celebrate or mourn. I don't know. I haven't decided what approach I'm taking with it. But I'm doing a live show to kind of notify that anniversary. 20 years. So people can go and see how good you've gotten in 20 years. Or other progress. Or no progress at all. I mean, 20 years, you think that that's a lot of time honing that particular set is because I've never tried standout. Well, it's funny, I've never done anything consistently for 20 years, except for stand-up comedy, it turns out.

I've had lots of jobs. Like, I worked in advertising. I was a web designer for a while. Then I became a journalist and now I'm a university lecturer. But stand-up comedy is the one thing I've done consistently. So I think, theoretically, based on the Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours philosophy, I should be decent at it by now, but I don't, that's for the audience to judge. Particularly if in sort of like a Seinfeldian way you spent most of that 10,000 hours

honing one hour of material You can bring it out All right, where can people catch you The 20th anniversary of Sammy Shah Stand Up comedian Yes, the show is called You'd Think After 20 years I'd be better at this

So it's very much truth in advertising And it's at the Comedy Comedy Republic in Melbourne On the 13th of November At 6.30pm Tickets are available atcomcom you can also get a discount code exclusive for chaser listeners if you use the discount code karachi k a c h i you get five dollars off so avail that please i'd love to see chaser

listeners there it would be awesome to see people come up off the show yeah and then make sure you tell us on podcast at chaser dot com that i you whether sammy's gotten any good at this because i've never seen you doing stand-up live live live live in the same city this is one of the problems. Yeah, true, true, true. I'm sure I'd be scabbing comps off you all the time and are taking food out of the mouths of your children, Sammy. Well, the thing is I actually have cut down a lot because of the children, right?

So I don't do, I haven't done the comedy festivals in a couple of years. I don't really do, I do spots at comedy clubs now and then just to stay sharp. But yeah, I don't really get time to do an hour show anymore because of all of my, because of the offspring caused by my virility. And so I, this is like a one-off thing where I'm just doing a one-off show. basically this show will never be done again because I'll never have another 20th anniversary of my stand-up so I might as well

knock it out of the park Okay having had a child then Having had a boy following two girls And we know that there's no different In this world of ours It doesn't matter what you have I mean there's some, says there's some difference The first time I had to change a nappy

And there were giant testicles in the way It was a very confronting thing Because I'm used to having daughters And yeah it was like yeah I wouldn't know what to do. And I gather, I gather the mechanics are much more complicated. It turns out that, yeah, because you also, as a father, you're very aware of, like, how sensitive that area is.

Yes, yes, yes. But also, the sort of, the, let's just say the male appendage's ability, I'm told, functions sort of as a spray at an early age in a way that is genuinely inconvenient. One of my friends calls it the fountain of youth, and I don't know about that. But it did remind me, it's so funny because as soon as he was born. As soon as he came out, the first thing in my head wasn't, oh, my God, my son. It was that Robin Williams joke from back when he used to do, when he was alive and doing stand-up, where like, you know, they hand you your boy and you're like, my God, he's hung like a

horse. And that's the embellical code, Mr. Williams. It just reminded me of that joke. And I was like, maybe not the time to repeat it to my partner. Yes, I think you've probably learned in all these marriages and relationships to keep that sort of observation to yourself. But I'm there, I'm there with you. I'm there with you.

I won't mention the person who told me shortly after their first child was born. You know, everyone always says it's the happiest day of your life when your baby gets handed to you. I'm here to tell you, it's just a baby. I won't say who that was, but a memorable moment. Okay, so an ocean of love and joy and, hey, there's no COVID. Well, there is COVID, but we're pretending that there isn't. So, of course, people can just come through the border, right? Like, it's pretty simple.

You're a citizen. You have parents. They want to come and see the. baby, or is this some conspiracy against the Australian government, Sammy, whereby you're trying to, I don't know, sneak people in to take the jobs of what, honest, honest, hardworking Australian, 76 year olds? Yeah, that's right. You're taking jobs out of their mouths. Some out or something. Yeah. It is so, what's frustrating is actually, my parents come here almost every year, right?

So that's always been a thing. Every year, they visit Australia. Sometimes it's every second year when, because my mom has a job as a teacher. She's busy. My father's retired. And I think they want to come and spend time with the grandchildren. They don't care about me.

They want to see their grandchildren. They come in for a month. I think we all understand this. Yeah, of course, fair enough. Every year they apply. Every year we apply for and ask for a multiple year visa. Like, you know, sometimes you can apply for and hopefully get a five year or three-year visa.

They always get a one-year visa, so every year we have to apply for the visa again, and that's a few hundred dollars per person for the application. That's a bit nuts, right? They've been doing it all these years, and no one ever goes, perhaps it would be easier if we stop making them apply and pay every single calendar year, right? I mean, I don't know how the system works, but that seems very inconvenient. It seems like a good money-making scheme for Department of Immigration, because, you know, every year, if you're applying and there's $200 for the application per person, then they have to pay the biometric center in Pakistan. But separate from that is because they're from Pakistan, they're not from America or UK or something, the amount of paperwork you have to show just to show that you are, you know, planning on visiting just for a short amount of time and then we'll leave because you have lots of money and safety and security back home and reasons to return is insane. Bank statements, property deeds, you know, you can't believe the amount of letters of employment, letters of retirement, government letters, all of these things. And this is every year they've got to serve up.

Every year, this is the same thing. This, by the way, and you have to read online, my father, who literally two, three days ago emailed me and said, how do I do an attachment on Gmail? Right. So, like, this is, it's all people. They're navigating this and it's a very big challenge. Every year we do it. Every year we get the visa. Every year they come here for one month out of the three that they're allowed to be here for, and then they leave.

And then this year, yep. Before we get to this year, I just want to, you just, we just breezed over two words that I had never heard before. Biometric Centre. Yes. So if you're applying for a tourist visa or any visa to come to Australia from Pakistan or any of these places, you have to go to a place, which is an office building, and over there get your face photographed and all your fingers printed, all of them, like all 10, have we printed. All 10. Yeah. I don't know. Some people have an extra one now. And then Ritik Rosh and the actor had six fingers, I think, on one hand. Wow, that's even more expensive. Yeah, exactly. I wonder if the charge per digit. But yeah. And you have to go and get that done. And that you have to pay for as well. And also, you have to get that done every year.

What? It's all fucking saved. I don't understand it. I mean, I every, my data, all my personal data has been hacked and uploaded to the dark web by every single person. Yes. And they can't keep a record of my parents' fingerprints for more than one year in Australia. That's ridiculous. So there's a lot of hoops to go through. They've got to go. And presumably the people at the Biometrics Center are like, okay, hello again. Yeah, here you go again. This time they did. This time the Biometrics people did say something ominous to my parents. And that was that, oh, you're applying for Australia. 70 to 80% of the people who come through here applying for Australia get rejected. And that hasn't been a case before, which is a very odd thing for them to point out. My parents were like, well, we're fine, we're old, we're going to visit grandchildren, and we'd be back. And we do this every year, right?

Exactly. And then a week later, they got the email from the Department of Immigration or Home Affairs or whatever it is. And they said that they were not, quote unquote, not satisfied that the applicant genuinely intends to stay temporarily. Basically, they think my 74-year-old father will come to Australia and, I don't know, start becoming an Uber driver or what? Like, what exactly will – he loves not having Medicare, not having health care, because in Australia he wouldn't qualify for that anyway. So they got rejected. They got knocked back. So are we so worried about our ability to track down 74-year-old men from Pakistan who might be here?

If you overstayed his visa, that they're saying, we can't even let's. to the country at all because we think you'll you'll sneakily to stay here forever. What is he kind of like hiding somewhere? I mean, how would this even work? He has to show a letter from me saying where he will be the entire time he's here. So it's not a very good attempt at hiding. And they know where you are. You're at the Comedy Republic in a couple of days time.

On November 10th. Or you're at home with the latest of your many children. Exactly. Yeah. So they, yeah, they rejected them. And it was like, it was, I'll tell you, being very honest for a second, being very sincere, I had a bit of a meltdown when that happened because, look, I am an Australian citizen. I became an Australian citizen in 2016, I've been it since 2012.

I'm an immigrant, of course. I know that. You have a book called I'm migrant. I literally, yeah, we're misspelling the word immigrant. First time I met you, yeah. And I think by all measures, I'm a fairly well, I guess, by any measure. integrated immigrant, if you will. I mean, you've been a breakfast presenter

on ABC Radio Melbourne. Yes. So in some media circles, you're a huge disappointment. In Red Simons's house, yes. I most definitely am. But this was a reminder to me that I am not...

It felt to me like being a second-class citizen all of a sudden, being reminded that, no, no, you're not... If you remember doing COVID, There was all these people complaining about not, and rightfully so, about not being able to see their parents for a year. Yeah, yeah. I at that point, when COVID ended, I hadn't seen my parents for three years because they were in Pakistan. But as soon as they were able to come, they came across again.

But now just the fact that their Pakistanis in Pakistan and their son happens to be a Pakistani who became a citizen in Australia means that they aren't trusted enough to be with me felt like a real like, go fuck yourself. you're not as Australian as the rest of us. And I want to point out, I'm one of the few people who has made an Australian citizen by Malcolm Turnbull in a private ceremony because that's how big a deal it was back when I became. So I thought I was a really good citizen. So are you telling me we rolled out the red carpet for you specifically?

Yes. And the prime minister came down and said, Sammy Shah, thank you so much for signing on. Well, here's what happened. The backstory to that is basically that the Department of Immigration at the time. was like, oh, this is a good news story. ABC presenter becoming citizen.

Let's make a news story out of it. They flew me up to Canberra and Macham Turnbull made me a citizen in a ceremony. But, you know, like, it was still a cool thing. But that's the machinery of the Australian state going this particular person. And we should lean into this. Yes. Obviously, you're now shilling for comedy gigs better. But no, this is a really interesting thing,

is that the state is saying you are such a valuable person to us that it is a media event that you are becoming a citizen. And that does speak to the enormous, let's be sincere, the enormous success you've had in a whole range of things. And some might say exactly the sort of person we'd like to have living among us. I wouldn't say that because I don't do sincerity well. But some would say, you know, thank goodness for the people that we have people like Sammy Shah coming to live amongst us.

But I completely understand because, okay, I understand that the immigration processes do need to be tighter for some parts of the world. I don't have a view on whether Pakistan should be on that list or not. not. I'm a little surprised to hear just how challenging it is. But the thing I'm, that genuinely surprised me about this story is that as a citizen, there wouldn't be a presumption of trust if you've actually committed to this country and gotten a passport, let alone being personally, you know, invested and welcomed by the prime minister at the Commonwealth of Australia. Yeah, I would have thought there'd be more trust in the system. That's my initial reaction.

Well, I don't want, and I've never asked for any special, you know, treatment over here. I went to the exact same application process to bring my parents here on a tourist visa that everyone else does. Now, the thing I'm told repeatedly by everyone, when I point out that this is, I feel like, and this is a personal opinion, but I feel like this is an act of racism by not letting my parents in because they're from Pakistan and not trusting, they're not giving them the benefit of the doubt. And a lot of people say, well, that's because there's a lot of visa overseas. stairs from Pakistan. And I said, oh, interesting. So I went and looked online. Department of Immigration publishes all the data. Number one, visa overstores are from the United States of America. Oh, really? I thought it was the UK, actually. Yeah, well, they're up there. We've done things on this before. I mean, I remember this data was pretty well known at the time when

there was all the talk about, you know, we decide who comes into our country in the circumstances in which they come. It was that we were talking about playing people on Chaser TV shows back in the day. Yeah. And so, like, who's a bigger threat to Australia, right? right now, is it my 74-year-old father who wants to hold his grandchildren? Or is it a potential maga, like, nut job who will come here and spread a contagion of anti-immigration nonsense? And I think what's happening is that immigration department is responding to all the anti-immigration rhetoric from the opposition and from Andrew Hasty and other fuckwits like that and, you know, all those reprobates and inbreeders who are out there protesting and kind of tightening the noose around

people who just want to spend time with their families. So, Sammy, I read that in the article. That's your supposition about this. Is there any data other than your story that shows that in fact the immigrant, I mean, the biometric center would seem to suggest this is just anecdotal. So the things... Nevertheless, the Labor government cracking down on tourist feces for relatives of Australian citizens is that that's a story I haven't come across other than in your story.

Right. So, but I reached out to the department. immigration before I published my story and I gave them a chance to- Because you had their VIP phone number from the time they flew you to Canberra. They haven't said. I didn't even use that, actually. I should have, I don't know if that number still works, but no, I think it got disconnected with Malcolm Temple left office, Sammy. Definitely. Look, he's my prime minister. He may not be anyone else's, but he'll always be mine. I just asked their media person, like, you know, this is the article I'm about to publish. What do you have to say? Any statements? And they responded with all applications

are processed using the same criteria and we have no further comment. So they didn't really respond to the accusation or anything like that. Now, it's anecdotal evidence. I did go online and I went on basically a lot of migrants and immigrants and stuff like that get a lot of the information on how to get through the Australian system through places like Reddit and online forums. I went on these, it seems to be across the board. Lots of people trying to connect to their spouses, lots of people trying to connect to their,

you know, their parents, their loved ones, all of those saying, hey, got rejected, got rejected, never happened before, why is it happening suddenly? And everyone's saying anecdotally, we've heard that rejections are up. So I feel like it's, again, you know, something that until we get data, which I don't even know if that's F-O-Iable, we've attempted it with crikey, but I don't know if we will get a response.

Okay. So have you thought about coming to Sydney, getting in a kayak, and kayaking around to Malcolm Turnbull's house and saying, remember me. Where does he live? Do you know where he lives? Yeah, he lives on point, everyone knows where he lives. It's one of the biggest houses on the waterfront at Point Piper.

Oh, no. There are photos of him, there are photos of his house and him kayaking in front of it. He goes kayaking all the time. Really? Some might even say he's a boat person. Okay, fine. He's a healthy guy. He is a healthy guy.

He's very rich and rich people always look healthy for some reason, except for Elon Musk. Never mind. Take that back. I take it back. I was wrong. 100% wrong. There's an unverifiable statement. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chase of Report. So, this is a common experience.

What happened then? I mean, the article came out. Yes. I texted you out of concern because I was so, I was really upset for you. Thank you. Grandparents coming in to hold the grandchild. I mean, that's lovely, but far more important than that, if I may say so, is them helping. Yes. It's letting you sleep.

Yeah, we just need someone to distract the two and a half year old so we can get an extra half an hour sleep in in in the morning. It's the most valuable thing. It's incredibly important. If the government wants us to create more Australian citizens, we need people to swoop in. Also, I guess technically, if we do want them to come into babysitting, we are using them to take a job away from an Australian. you know, which is, you know, my partner's parents as well. So that is, maybe the Department of Immigration has a point here. So what has happened in the meantime is we did reapply.

And this time when we reapplied, we actually reached out to our local counselor. We reached out to, you know, the local representative in the suburb we live in. We got, we wrote long detailed letters of support from my partner and myself. We got three times as much evidence again. Now, keep in mind, the application that they got rejected with, use the same. standard amount of evidence, you know, for their intentions to return to Pakistan, as they always have. They've always provided the same amount. They always get it. This time they got rejected and it was deemed not worthy enough. So this time we really went all out. Like the kind

of evidence that it took ages to compile and just everything from their birth certificates to their marriage certificates to everything. And so they did get it. They do have the visa. They are going to be here in January, hopefully, and spend a month here with their grandchildren and then leave, you know, that's what they say. I don't know. Maybe the department implications on to something. I don't, I don't know who I trust anymore, to be honest. What do they find in their data scraping? But I mean, so this is hugely interesting too. And we should also acknowledge at this point, your, your partner is something of a national hero. I mean, your partner would also have hotline numbers to high-ranking officials in DFAT. Well, I mean, yes,

she does. And she could have reached out to some of the really high-ranking people and stuff. But I also, and we both felt very much of the, hey, this isn't how the system should work. Yeah, that's not, it's not cool. I completely understand. So, you know, reaching out to your local politician. It's even more heroic. You're both so heroic. Just not even using the special gold card that I imagine people like you and your partner get.

Well, because a part of it for me is also like, I'm from Pakistan. The only way you get things done in Pakistan is, you know, you use what we call source. You get someone who's a high-ranking official who owes you a favor. or you can apply pressure to or you can blackmail or they, you know, are relative of your family and then they will put their thumb on the scales and get you what you want. I don't want Australia to function that way,

but it turns out more and more that seems to be the only way to get it to function. Oh, I mean, it always has. I know, I know, I'm being very naive. I do realize as I'm saying that, but what, you know, there's that thing of like, immigrants, you know, they always say yelling at us immigrants and saying they don't love the Australian way of life.

it's like we're the ones fighting for it you're the ones who are that's really interesting you're the ones who are we don't even know yeah who are degrading it whereas the immigrants are the ones who actually believe in it

I've got a great story actually about how things used to work from an interview that I did recently so there's this guy called Tommy Tico who was a Holocaust survivor he was a Hungarian Jew he came to spent most of his life in Melbourne

and he was an incredible musician He was a conductor, band leader, composer, all these things. He actually did the most common arrangement of Advanced Australia Fair. That was his work. And you probably had it at your citizenship ceremony. It's the one that they play almost every time there's a gold medal. So, like, you can't get much better than that as far as migrant success stories go. This guy is extraordinary.

He used to be the musical director for Channel 7. He was on heaps of classic programs. He was very famous. Tommy Tico. When he arrived in Australia, Sammy, and this is a guy who was so good. at music that he actually was in Iran and he managed to get out of Hungary and went to Iran and ended up being the sort of personal pianist for the Shah. Oh, wow.

Back in the day for another Shah. Yeah, yeah. He was just absolutely super freak talent-wise. He arrives in Australia and the unions will not give him a card that says he can actually play as a musician. He cannot play anywhere. The unions just lock him out. No, we don't care.

You can't perform. Was it the CFMU? Eventually. whoever it was, the musicians union, he eventually made his way down to Canberra and Harold Holt. He personally lobbied Harold Holt and Harold Holt sorted him out. So there you go. It's always worked. I should have called Malcolm. You're 100% right. Look, they only got a one-year visa yet again. So next year, once again, we will have to go through the entire process. And this time, I'm getting Malcolm. Wow. So you really aren't getting that much special treatment.

No. So you really aren't getting that much special treatment even now. Yeah, we just got the one-year visa and, yeah, so maybe I'm going to take you up on the kayaking idea and, you know, or maybe everyone comes to my comedy show and buys tickets and I can send enough money to bribe a government official to give them a proper visa. Who knows? I don't know how it works. Yeah, okay, say if you can use the source. Well, look, I mean, I've learned a lot about how the immigration system works for this. I've also learned that I need to buy shares in the biometric center. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's definitely going up because the repeat customer. customers now. They had to get it done again, by the way, because they got rejected the first time. So the second time, they had to go and get it done again, which is literally two weeks after they got rejected the first time. Oh my goodness. I think you've got your version of utopia. You've got plenty of examples for it. Sammy, lovely to catch up.

Thank you very much. You better get back to the baby. And I'm glad that your parents are actually coming in. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to seeing them. Get them on the podcast. They have a lot of to say about me. I don't know if any of it's complimentary.comburyupac.com. at 6.30 p.m., the show is called. You'd think after 20 years, I'd be better at this. See you there. Sammy Shah is, as always, a very good hustler, except when it comes to the Department of Immigration.

No, no, you won in the end, and look, maybe they'll even be trusted for five years next time around. We can only hope. Thanks, Sammy. Thank you. Bye.