The Chaser Report - Sami Shah on parliament's mass resignation

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Sami Shah and Dom catch up and reflect on how many politicians coincidentally resigned last week. What does this mean for the future of parliament, and more importantly, the future of satire? Plus Sami takes a look at the polls into the upcoming election. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to another afternoon edition of The Chaser Report. My name is Dom Knight. And I've got to be honest with you, it's just me today. It is just me, but that's okay because we have Sammy Shah here. And he has more than enough to say for me to be largely redundant in the conversation. I can't wait to get his take on the past week of resignations and chaos in Canberra. That's going to happen right after this.

The Chaser Report. Now with extra whispers. Hello, Sammy. Hello, Dom. You look worse for it. Where's everyone else? Yeah, it's just me today. And all I'm going to say is free drinks plus the Chaser team after two years of really

staying indoors. There's not a lot of match fitness across the organisation at this point. We're several days into everyone just not being in shape. A certain member of the team sent a photo around the group chat early today. They're just themselves fully clothed in the bath. that's just that's I mean that's a good way to rehydrate is it probably so I didn't realize podcasting award ceremonies were a if such a debauched affair like you would think it would just be audio nerds and and you know tech files and people like that just getting together going oh I love your

podcast and how many how do you monetize your podcast but that it was just a drunken debauched you know completely bacchanalian orgy no the first part was exactly how the night was you've you've If anyone's everything about going to the podcasting awards. But it was fun and there were free drinks and I think we were just like, oh my God, we are out. And so that was last Thursday and I think it's going to take a week for the team to recover. Fortunately, Charles is coming back this week and he's been touring around the country. So he's probably in worse shape. I'm middle age.

I've got an excuse for this, Sammy, but the interns are just lightweight, lightweights. Young people aren't made the same way we were dorm. These young people, they grew up now. Like, you know, we grew up on Red Bull and vodka. They grew up on kombucha and mindfulness. Like, they have no stamina. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah, so anyway, it's very nice to have the two of us. I honestly think the other things are just baggage occasionally in their chats that we have. You have a lot to say, Sammy, and I'm always very glad to hear your thoughts. So, well, I mean, here's one thought right away is, I don't know if you saw this. This makes me so excited. As soon as I saw it, I was like, all my everything. that I've been saying for so long has been validated because, okay, so first let me set up the story, right? So basically a group of scientists here in Australia started using European

Space Agency data, satellite data from the European Space Agency to look at methane gases around the world. And they discovered that in Australia, the oil and gas companies have largely been underreporting how much gas they release, particularly methane gas, which as you know is pretty shit for the entire environment, no pun intended. And it turns out most of it in Queensland. Like millions and millions of tons of methane gas have been hidden in the data and it's just a cloud over Queensland, which then goes back to my original theory that Queensland is the state for talking shit. It is just a state of people just farting out of their mouths and look at what We've got scientific evidence backing up the fact that Queensland is a shit state for the shit people.

I mean, I've spent a bit of time in Brisbane over the years. And on occasion, I've enjoyed myself there, but it's pretty clear, Sammy, that if this country has a butthole, it's somewhere between Brisbane and the Gold Coast. I think actually the anus of Australia is located, not in Brisbane, but in the Gold Coast, just near there. Possibly, I imagine the mouth, like if you think of the Buffy-style hellmouth, it's located in the middle of Clive Palmer's Dinosauru resort. Right. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah, exactly. If we do some, you know, get a map and do some arcane rituals around it, we will see the hell mouth opening up right there. But that's science. It's not me. It's science. You can't dispute that. The thing I want to talk about, though, is how remarkable it has been watching basically the entire government quit their job this week.

Just unbelievable. It's just every single person. It's one of those things where it's Christmas is still a few weeks away, but we're getting a present. early because you know how that thing happens when you buy the present you can't wait because it's such a good present you get too excited and you gift it too early to the person because you just have no patience when it comes to giving presents that's what i feel like the government's doing to us right now it's been quite extraordinary and i remember times like this in previous governments i remember a lot of people left the labor government remember when sort of gregg combay and everyone just all quit shortly before they lost a tony a bit a lot of people were out a few months before um and in the

New South Wales government, my goodness. I mean, most front benches were sacked for corruption in the days of the last Labor government towards the end. And there was one actual pedophile amongst the ministry in New South Wales. But, yeah, it does have that vibe. The only thing I don't get, Sammy, is they're not definitely going to lose, are they? I mean, you can't tell me that Albo is such a compelling contender that they're all just going, oh, look, we couldn't possibly pull this one off, not if, not with Albo in the race.

You know what's astonishing is watching people on Twitter congratulate Anthony Albanese for his sit-down buffhead line as if it was one of the greatest satirical, you know, biting bits of insightful commentary on the state of the modern world since Jonathan Swift wrote about eating babies in Ireland. It is just that is the standard we have set for the opposition. And by the you mentioned the Labour government back, the New South Wales Labor government resigning in all.

people resigning one of them turning out to be a pedophile even here we've got a similar thing where a nationals w a mp james hayward has now resigned under allegations of sexually abusing an eight-year-old girl oh so fucks i hadn't heard that in the last 24 hours too i hadn't seen that sorry that sounds i mean genuinely upsetting but very much on trend for the way the government's going right yeah i mean look this is a government that let's not forget at this by the at the start of this year saw and heard about young Liberal Party staffers masturbating on female lawmakers' desks. And that was, and so much shit has happened between then and now that we've forgotten about it. We literally have forgotten about the fact that there was video footage of young men masturbating

to a desk or on a desk or at a desk. We've never had clarity around that. That's just the kind of government we've had. And now they're just walking away from it all. It seems like, like you said, you know, is this a show of no faith in Scott Morrison in the next election? I don't think so. I think there's a very good chance still that Scott Morrison could win. Most likely will win.

It's still the one to beat when it comes the next election. I think this is one of those things where they're going, well, these are the people who don't have anything new to add. They've done the worst they could possibly do. We need fresh blood if we're going to get some new good escaries, you know, a new kind of like, what new horrendous shit can happen? And Sammy, let's be very clear. They also need new desks. Well, yes. I mean, it turns out semen is not very good for lacquering in the long term.

And when they talk about a corrosive environment, I mean, my goodness, it became quite literal. No, it is entirely possible that this is, you know, the dead wood, that they're saying that in their seats they can't get up. And I do wonder, Sammy, whether it's the independence. Because at least one MP who has announced that they're not returning, I think a Victorian MP, if I'm not. I'm not mistaken, released a press release saying, you know, are you going to, do you really want to elect someone who won't have the ear of the prime minister who's basically going to

try and lobby the Greens and Labor and stuff from the crossbenches? And so that smacked to me as someone who saw the polling and is discovering that the voice is candidate or whoever it is, is actually going to knock them off. And so that is pretty interesting. If at this stage a candidate is leaving, you know, not running again and hitting the independent on the way out, that smacks to me that the poll. might actually be dire for some of these people. Well, I mean, look, if they're listening to the polls,

that's also a problem in and of itself, because as we've seen time and time again, in Australia, as much as the rest of the world, that the polls are about as reliable as the tarot card system, right? So I don't know why that would even be a concern. I think, honestly, what it comes down to is they're just going, look, in the next election, they can say, look, we got rid of the bad eggs.

We got rid of the guy who did job, who did robodette. we got rid of the guy who basically said we need to change defamation law, then ran a defamation lawsuit against the ABC, lost the defamation lawsuit by withdrawing it and they claimed victory. We've also gotten rid of the health minister who previously cursed out an old lady, if you remember, there was a moment when that was a new story. And don't forget, you know, ignored the emails from Pfizer. Ignored the emails from Pfizer.

Not the greatest inbox triage there, Minister Hunt. Well, and we know most likely ignored the emails from Pfizer because he was too busy watching the Twitter. account for BBW Kumpumpur 69. So, you know, that was something that we've also seen. We've also now had to deal with, um, report Alan Targes stepped down. He hasn't resigned yet, but he's stepped down from the ministry. Yeah, his education. Yeah. That's right. So who knows what's going to happen with our education? Now, how will we teach Australians to go to war the next time we have one of those great world wars without, you know, lying about our history?

And overall, the government can say stop and can say, look, we got rid of all the losers. It's all winners from here on out and they might be unbeatable the next election. I have nothing but a lack of faith in the Australian populace where it comes to voting. They've scraped off the barnacles as I think Tony Abbott put it at one point. Yeah, it is interesting with

Christian Porter too. Someone pointed out on Twitter that the amount of political capital that the government has expended protecting him for the past pretty much year of just all of the allegations and then his ham-fisted way to deal with it, clearly assuming the ABC was a cell phone,

At this point, you can say, and clearly the slush fund was the thing for which he was demoted and that really put him on the out of his Scott Morrison. It wasn't the allegations that caused all the controversy to begin with. It was the fact that a million dollars arrived in his account without knowing who it was from. And it's interesting to know where the lines are that you cannot cross in federal politics these days. Well, I mean, the thing about Christian Porter is he's from Pierce, the seat and Pierce in the seat in WA, which is included in the seat of Pearce in W.A. is the town of Northam,

which is where I lived for several years. And so about six, maybe seven months ago, I spoke to my friends in Nordom, many of whom I involved in local politics over there very much, so with the Liberal Party and the National Party, and they all told me he's dead, he's sunk in the water. So seven months ago, they all knew it's over for him, he's not coming back.

If nothing else, it's a heartening tale of the prime minister, just standing by his friends, to the detriment of the entire country. As we've seen him do before, with his Q and on Bestie, his Q&N BFF, and now with Christian Porter, Prime Minister Scott Morrison may have many flaws, but he will let Australia burn in the fires of damnation before he turns his back on one of his best friends, it turns out.

I mean, it is nice to see loyalty in politics, I guess. Yeah. It's worth reading Krike's very many pieces about Stuart Robert as well, by the way, over the past couple weeks. We might talk more about that this week at some point. Yes, it's quite bizarre to think that, well, okay, the PM's sticking up for Christian Porter, but did anyone actually ask voters how they felt about popping into a ballot box and going, yep, give him three more years.

And clearly, someone did that. And the results were not particularly flattering for the former Attorney General. Yeah, well, I think basically at some point, the voters in Northern finally learned how to read and got it together and basically... How do you, in your contempt, for some of the more conservative states, Sammy, where do you rank Northern versus Queensland? Look, here's the thing. I do love country W.A. I have a deep and abiding fondness for country towns in W.A. I spent a lot of time performing in them. Some of the loveliest audiences, some of the kindest experiences. And some straight up Stephen King horror movie short stories have happened to me in those towns.

But largely, I have a lot of respect also for the country W.A. National Party. The women who love... Oh, yes, which is its iron-based, isn't it? That's right. You know, other than the guy who it turns out was, you know, allegedly sexually molesting an 80-year-old child, the women in the W.A. National Party are very, very cool and they're very progressive for what they're supposed to be doing and representing.

So when it comes down to it, yes, over Queensland, I would even choose country W.A. And I would probably over choose them in terms of intellect, intelligence, and overall, you know, reading ability and reading comprehension over even the best of Brisbane that has to offer. And I'm pretty confident, Sammy, that there wouldn't be a giant methane cloud over Northam. There's just not enough people or cows. Oh, there is. There was an abattoir just up the road from where I lived, and it smelled great when the wind changed. So you never know.

I wouldn't put it past northern. But yes, look, it's not a bad place, and there's some pretty good people there. And I think all those good people decided enough we're sending a message to old mate Christian Porter, and they did indeed. The Chaser Report. less often. Finally, Sammy, as we look at the larger number of people vacating the government, I mean, I suggested earlier that that doesn't necessarily mean that the Albanese is proving a compelling alternative to the populace.

What about the climate policy? We saw that on Friday. 43% emissions reduction by 2030. That number seems so weirdly sort of specific or, like they've chosen a prime number as though it's been carefully calculated and calibrated, that's been pulled out of the Albanesey asshole, hasn't it? 43%. It's got to be.

It's got to be. Because they went from 45 to 43. So that's very much one of those things. And it's just one of those numbers, which you know when you're raising the volume on your TV and you go to 45 or 40, you don't stop at 43 because 43 is a nothing number, right? You've got to go in multiple the fives.

This is very much, they're setting the bar low so that when they hurdle it, They can say, look at what we've achieved. We said 43, but we hit 45 or 47, not realizing that it's still supposed to be hitting 75. It's literally the same reason someone like Anthony Albanese exists, someone like Bill Shorten exists, which set a standard that's so low, set expectations, so embarrassingly low for everyone, that when he just eats a hot dog the right way, you're like, that guy is a political marvel. And that's what it is. And maybe, you know, 43% of Labor voters think he's doing a reason.

reasonable job. I'm not sure what the number means, but it does strike me as the kind of number where it doesn't, it gives them just a lot of wiggle room in every direction. Like it's, it doesn't give the government a huge amount to say, oh, they're radicals. And he's like 43%, it's not that much. And it's, but it's below the level that the New South Wales Liberal Party is aspiring to at this point, which I think is 50% by 2030 in terms of emission so that's, it's pretty, it's pretty here. Here's my question. Well, I mean, look, here's Here's my question to you, Dom, is you've been here a lot longer than I have. If the, both political parties are basically saying, eh, this isn't a big thing for us.

We don't really care. And we're going to give you a really shit number that you've got to deal with. Have they just read the book correctly? Do Aussie is just genuinely not clear about the environment? I mean, on the evidence to date, given the parties that have won elections for the past, you know, 20 years or so, no, not very much. I think when Kevin Rudd won in 2007, climate was part of it, was part of it, was part of positioning him as a more modern prime minister. I think that is the only time when climate is,

when the party that wanted to do something about climate change has actually been rewarded electorate. I think that's the only time that has ever happened. At that point, even John Howard was considering an ETS. He was, you know, going to bring in an ETS if he was reelected, which is very weird if you consider what's happened since. Like, in a way, it might have been bad for the environment, had he won and gotten reelected on that front.

So what is going to be interesting is seeing what happens in those seats, where the pro-climate change independence, the voices candidates are going to, and the climate 100 candidates are going to run. Because those voters, those liberal voters or coalition voters who care about climate and are disappointed by what the government's doing, given that they've been hamstrung by the nationals, essentially by Barnaby Joyce and Co.

vetoed the moderate liberal's ambition to do something about climate. It is going to be very interesting to see if a few seats get knocked off there, because if there is a genuine price to be paid for climate, in action in terms of individual seats. It's never happened nationally, but individual seats, then maybe that will actually move the needle. And it will be... Well, we saw Zali Stegel won.

She beat Tony Abbott. And it wasn't just because Tony Abbott is a grotesque lizard creature who should have been struck down at birth. It's because also she had a very strong climate action policy and that seemed to resonate with the people in Warringa. It did, clearly. And so that was the template. I mean, everyone's trying to do Azali Stegel.

But we now see, you know, in Wentworth, we see it in Goldstein, in, is that a Victoria or South Australia? God, I'm so tired. You got Zoe Daniel, former ABC Jerno running against Tim Wilson. That's going to be a really interesting contest because it's probably the case. Yeah, I saw that. It's probably the case that there will be a price to pay for those MPs who would probably be in favour of climate action privately.

and then they're, you know, handcuffed to Barnaby Joyce for all eternity on this stuff. Well, Barnaby Joyce, either he is the anchor that will keep the entire state government, the entire, actually national government, federal government, steady, or he's the rock against which they would all sink. Either way, he's probably going to be dry-humping someone where it happens. Thank you very much, Sammy. My pleasure. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust.

I hope you enjoyed that afternoon edition with Sammy Shah. Don't forget, you can check out his podcast, which is called News Weekly, Weekly with an A, and you can join his Patreon as well, patreon.com slash Sammy Shah. That's S-A-M-I-S-H-A-H. We'll catch you tomorrow morning. Agu is from Road Microphones.

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