The Chaser Report - Sami Vs Adelaide | Sami Shah

Episode Date: September 30, 2021

At a fan’s request Sami Shah lets Adelaide know how he really feels about them with no holds barred. Sami also tries to understand why Australia is part of the Quad alliance. Plus Gabbi, Dom and Charles find a good news story – albeit about Britney Spears. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode of The Chaser Report is brought to you by that show on Netflix that that everyone's simply everyone's talking about and everyone's definitely watching right now. There's a squid game, squid game starring all your favorite squids. It's got Squidward and Davy Jones and the Cracken, right? I reckon it sounds like a great show. I reckon it sounds good. It's good show. world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Friday, the 1st of October 2021.

Charles Firth and Gabby Bolt, we made it through to October. Yay, we did it. Big show today, guys. Pauline Hanson is not coming on our show today. I was going to say. Neither is Robert Magarby. We're not having him. We couldn't get Hitler.

We didn't even know who to email to say Hitler wasn't welcome on the podcast. But Stalin, loved the idea. Stalin likes podcasting. Terrible news in Melbourne. I don't know what to say about we had a joke earlier in the week about how Melbourne had taken the mantle for COVID cases. At 1,138 cases yesterday, that joke is no longer funny.

They smashed it. I'm really sorry, Melbourne. They fucking smashed it, guys. Holy shit, Melbourne. That's all I've got to say. I'm so sorry. Please get vaxed and just join us in the sort of bizarre next phase of all of this. But there is some good news out there, isn't there?

We found one good story. in the whole of the news, just the one. We finally did it. Which is that Britney Spears's conservatorship has been suspended. So Jamie Spears, the dad, has been suspended from being the conservator, not cancelled, right? Why? Well, this is the thing. If it had been just completely cancelled, he could have kept all the files from the

conservatorship. Instead, it's been suspended, which means that Britney Spears' lawyers get to get all his files, and they can investigate him for what the hell he's been doing for the last 13 years. Charles, I can't remember you being as excited and upbeat about a news story in months as you have been about this. You are on Team Brittany. I am totally on Team Britain. I have been on Team Brittany's ever since that guy went,

leave Brittany alone. Do you remember that? I spent a whole afternoon filming a parody of that video. I think a lot of people did at the time. It seemed ridiculous at the time. Yeah. It did. It seemed like.

Like he was the person who was wrong. But no, it was the rest of the world. I love these stories where, you know, the crazy scientists who think, you know, gravity exists or something. And then suddenly they're proved years later that gravity exists. Galileo. He was the Galileo of viral videos. Yes, exactly.

But some of the details have been so hideous of the security force keeping it home. All the videos. The trick that he'd to monitor her text messages and all that. Yeah. Oh, it's just getting they hired a security guard to go. around and spy on her. Like a private investigator. Using her own money.

Which leads to my theory. What's your theory? Which is, I reckon, because they say her fortune's worth $60 million, I reckon it's not anymore. I reckon Jamie Spears has spent all the money. And one of the reasons why he's not really fighting this is because actually... There's no money left to fight it with. He's got nothing to fight with.

He's got to go and find another mark. It's all gone. It's over. I reckon it's all. Sharad. He's just blown the whole stuff and stolen everything from her. Hey, Gabby, how old were you when she first got

put on the conservatorship? Well, you know, I Wasn't a girl. Was it yet a woman? No, I was like That's uncanny. Because it's been most of your life. When did she put it? Well, that was 2007 wasn't it? I was 11 in 2007.

Most of your life. My adolescence, yeah. That's a long time. You've never known. I've known an unconservate Brittany. That was the best Brittany. All that shit. I love that shit. That is uncanny.

If Britney doesn't want to be Brittany anymore, Gabby Bolt would be amazing. Yeah, I'll do it. That was very good. On today's show, I don't think is it room for anything else. I think this conversation is the show for today. And in fact, Gabby Bolt's just going to do Britney sounds with the rest of the show. And Shakira is here.

Lo-la. Just kidding. Sorry. All of my. Impressions are just subpar noises that these people make. No, we do have Sammy Shah. We have Sammy Shah on the show talking about two things, talking about Adelaide by request of one of the podcast reviewers,

and also exploring the wonderful world of the quad, the new diplomatic club that Australia is a member of for some reason. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Daynamano in the Chaser Newsroom. Right after this, and how would Brittany throw to Beck? I don't know. Rebecca. That's it. That's all I've got for you.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. Prime Minister Scott Morrison has revealed

that Freedom Day will arrive for refugees detained on Manus Island. Once the island reaches the vaccination time, target of 150%. The 150% vaccination rate has been labelled unrealistic by critics who have cited the laws of mathematics, but the Prime Minister has reassured everyone that Josh Frydenberg has crunched the numbers. On the brink of historic debt, the United States government has announced they will be holding a closing down sale. The government plans to sell everything from the American Constitution to the bald eagle with each of the Russian. more heads being put up for auction on eBay. The government plans to declare bankruptcy before

entering into debt so it can then have a grand reopening under a slightly different name a month later. As Melbourne hit a record number of new COVID cases, the Herald's son pivoted to calling the Premier Do Nothing Dan and demanded that he blocked the state down harder to begin with. Peter Credlin Gate crashed his press conference to demand the Premier go back in time and impose a lockdown from the start of 2019, just to be careful. That's the latest from the Chaser's Infinite Monkeys on typewriters. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno. Tomorrow on The Chaser Report, we've got another special extended edition

looking at one of the most controversial films of 2021, Nitram. Nitram is the name of the perpetrator of the Port Arthur Massacre backwards. They don't mention his name, and nor do we. But the movie is a deeply affecting look at what went wrong in that situation. And looking back at this tragic story is such an important part of making sure that it never happens again. We talked to the filmmaker's Sean Grant and Justin Kursal about how they approached such a difficult subject and the message that they wanted to send. You may have heard that Caleb Landry Jones, who plays the main role, won the Best Actor Award at Khan, but it's got an incredible ensemble cast as well, Judy Davis, Essie Davis, Nancy Davis, and Anthony La Pahlia.

Here's a quick clip of that conversation. There was something about the screenplay that was so affecting and it was so powerful. for it was probably the best screenplay I'd read from Sean. And it was really sort of this moment for me in the screenplay where the character walks into a gun shop and without a license

is able to buy two semi-automatic weapons like he's buying fishing rods. Yeah. And I guess at that moment that he does it, Sean constructed this film in a way that it felt the character was at their most dangerous, I guess. And there was just something so compelling about just the absurdity and the sort of tragedy

that someone in this particular place and this dangerous was, yeah, was able to kind of be in this scene. And it was the most powerful scene when it was written. It was the most powerful scene when we shot it and it was the most powerful scene when we sort of edited it. It really was this kind of the heart of what I thought the film was about. So in your podcast feed tomorrow, Zander and I sit down with Justin Kursal and Sean Grant for a long chat about their movie, Nitram.

Check out the film, it's an incredible piece of work. And I hope you enjoy our chat with the people who made it. And now back to the episode. This episode is brought to you by Squid Game. I'm pretty sure it's a, I think it's like a reality TV show. You've got 10 hopeful squid ladies and they compete to attract one squid bachelor, as they all live together in an underwater squid house.

Sammy Shara is back with us and Sammy, we've got an audience request for you. Oh, what is it? Well, it's someone who wants to play to your strengths. This is C. Jarvis who describes themselves as your listener in Adelaide. This is one of the reviews that get left on Apple

podcast, which I always encourage. Five stars, by the way, and part of the review says, any chance Sammy could do some gear on Adelaide. We're just a small town to the west of where all the COVID is. Look, I find Adelaide fascinating. I've been there a few times. I think Charles, I think the last time we met in person was in Adelaide.

And Adelaide as a city, I think, doesn't get enough respect. It's got a wonderful market. And that's all it has. It's just really, the fact that Adelaide is the kind of place where when you say it's got a market, you know which market is referring to. And that tells you it's not a city. It is a market with a couple of houses around it. The crazy thing about Adelaide I find is I think right now there's a new story about this guy on a cycle who went around Adelaide and traced out the entire route that outlines the baby from the Nirvana Nevermind album cover.

Oh yes, on Strava. I saw that. That was so nerdy. That's the shit you do in a city where there's nothing else to do, basically. They're not even in lockdown and he's doing that. Imagine what life would be like in lockdown. Am I right at thinking that Adelaide is basically a street? like my recollection is that the really fancy wine bars and the really gross late night like most disgusting McDonald's I've ever seen is all in Hindley Street

and then that's basically Adelaide is that right? Yes. There is no more of Adelaide than that one street is that correct? I've never seen a bookstore in Adelaide is all I'm saying and that says something about the character of a city

is when you walk around there's a lot of liquor stores but no bookstores there's a priority that's being prioritized there. Well how do you write it compared to Brisbane though Sammy? Oh, see, it's Here's the thing I'm torn here because I like Brisbane as a city I actually have no issues

Every time I've been to Brisbane I've found people are wonderful The food is really good The river looks like leather for some reason It looks like someone took a shit in it And it's just terrible I don't know why it's brown But still, we didn't let that pass

The problem I have is that Brisbane is in Queensland And therefore is blighted by its association With the rest of that curse and state whereas Adelaide no one gives a shit If the Chinese invaded Adelaide tomorrow Would we even care And I think that's the question we have to ask ourselves But eventually we will have to sacrifice something to China

I mean I think if anyone invaded Adelaide tomorrow They'd then ask directions the next day to get to somewhere else I think they'd just go What do you mean your time zone is half an hour That doesn't make any sense You guys are idiots and just head on to Melbourne You guys have all performed in Adelaide There's a famous thing about performing in Adelaide

which is you should never perform in Adelaide and I think that that holds true in the arts across the board I mean I do love it because I stayed about a month there at the beginning of the year and I sort of had two days off and I did Adelaide and then I asked people what else can I do like I'd go on to see all the sites

and then it was all right yeah they went to the site and then it was just literally oh well the Adelaide hills are nice the Barossa Valley is nice Like, the things to do in Adelaide are to leave Adelaide. Like, even the locals there. I remember going up up near the hills to Harnorff,

that's sort of German town to have strudel. And I would normally not drive one kilometre to have strudel. But in Adelaide, it's a genuine value proposition to do that. Yeah, you get strudel and you get to leave Adelaide for a while. That's right. And you get to look down on Adelaide from the mountain, which is exactly the right relationship to be in with Adelaide. There's a German town outside Adelaide?

Is that one of those things that were set up by the rat lines at the end of the Second World War? Why are there so many Germans in Adelaide? I don't know. They settled Adelaide. They were the free settlers. They were German free settlers. Because Adelaide never had any convicts. That's true.

And then when the next generation of young Germans then grew up and wanted to start banned so they moved to Melbourne. Yeah, this is all sounding very suspect now. I'm assuming there's a lot of Nazi gold under the streets of Adelaide that no one knows about. Well, I think they're hidden under all. all the dead body. I think he's sufficiently shit on Adelaide, I hope. No, because it is true. Like, literally, the last time I went to Adelaide,

I was being driven around by a friend. And it was literally like a... And it wasn't supposed to be a tour of the serial killers of Adelaide. But it was literally like, oh, that guy, yeah, he murdered eight people. Oh, that person... He was a judge, yeah, he killed his family. Oh, yeah. And then the family...

Have you heard of the family? Do you know about the cult? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the cult, right, yeah. And that's just like a known thing. Like, I had no idea that there was this cabal of judges and politicians who basically ruled Adelaide with an iron fist and had child sex trafficking. And that was, and it wasn't even the Catholic Church. It was like the whole political establishment.

That's the crazy thing is when, you know, Cuban-on-old people have all these conspiracy theories about child sex trafficking rings being run by Danny Landrieves of the sewers of Melbourne. It's like, no, there were actual child sex trafficking rings. The problem was they were in Adelaide, so no one cares because that's not a power center of the world. So no one gives a shit if there's a child sex trafficker in Adelaide. Well, I assume the reason why we've always wanted to build like these new nuclear submarines in Adelaide is because it's expendable if there's a mushroom cloud. Yeah, absolutely. No one's caring. It might improve the character of the place to have a little bit of radiation there. This was by request from a listener.

Ask and we shall deliver. If anything here at The Chaser, we are considered of our fans. I mean, it seems a little bit masochistic, but then, I mean, they're half, madalade, who knows what they're into. Right, exactly. Who knows what kind of kinky shit they're into? We're not here to kinkshame. We are, we support everyone's life choices. Thank you for your patience.

Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. Fizz is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions. Apply. Details at fizz.ca. The Chaser Report.

More news. Less often. The thing you were mentioning, Dom, about the nuclear submarines and stuff, is that's like an old story now. And like, you know, the French are throwing a hissy fit, but no one cares. They're the French. They're throwing hissy fits about everything. The more exciting thing for me right now is that, have you heard of the quad?

Yes. Yes. This is all the freedom-loving countries in the Indo-Pacific or something. isn't it yeah we're supposed to say Indo-Pacific now not Asia Pacific because of the quad

that's what I'm right that's the only reason otherwise but yeah it's a it's a name it sounds like the name for like a really

you know spin off X-Men team but it's actually it's Narendra Modi Yoshihida Shuga Joe Biden and Scott Morrison and they have banded

together to fight China unofficially they're not actually saying we're going to fight China because no one wants to piss off China so when how part of two clubs clubs to fight China.

China's so going to go for us. We're in huge trouble. I don't know why we're poking China in the eyesore so nonsense. But also, we're so the odd one out. Like all of those other countries have more than 100 million people living in them. If I remember Japan's population correctly. And you've got India, north of a billion, the US 350 million or something.

And then what can Australia bring? Do we, like, make the drinks or something? What's our job in this scenario? I think what it comes down to is like looking at the different leaders, right? They're all very unique individuals. So Biden, we all know, is Joe Biden. He is, you know, probably one of the most useless democratic leaders that's ever existed. He's basically at the stopgap between the next Trump administration and the end of the American Empire, right?

So he's basically like Augustus Romulus was the last American emperor, Joe Biden will be the last American president. We've also got Narendra Modi, who I don't know if you know anything about Modi, but he's a virgin. Still, this is a thing that he proudly proclaims that he's never had sex and will never have sex. How is he not in a sequel to the 40-year-old virgin? He's married. He's just never culminated that marriage in a sexual climax. And so...

What does his wife think? No one's asked her. She may be relieved. I don't know. Have you seen Moti? It's not like he's a sexy, sexy beast. Like, it's just maybe it's a relief. Why would you marry someone and then a great?

don't have sex with them. I don't think she had much of a choice in the matter. The arranged marriage system puts emphasis on arranged than married. And then there's Yoshihita Shuga who's fascinating, right? He's on his way out. He's a Japanese prime minister. They're already looking at his replacement right now. They never last long.

It's quick turn over. But this is a guy who does 100 sit-ups and 40 minutes of walking every morning. 100 sit-ups again every night. He's also a third-dan black belt in karate. and eat soba noodles every day for lunch. Just peculiar, peculiar people. And then you put into that mix, Scott Morrison. A man named Scott.

Like, what the fuck is he bringing to the table you might ask? I don't know. I'm so confused by this question of why they want to be in a club with us. It looks like this seems like it's a precursor to like sticking a kick me sign on his back or something. Well, I think the main reason is he brings nice presents. I will give our prime minister to this. They're all exchange presents. I don't know what he got from the others,

but these are what the presence of the Prime Minister of Australia gave. He gave Joe Biden a blackwood-framed photograph of the opera house. He gave a didgeridoo made from scarlet gum. He gave Narendra Modi and Akubra, which I'm assuming you just took off Barnaby Joyce's head. Well, that's appropriate for people who don't want to have sex. Right, exactly, yeah, because we know Barnaby Joyce never gets laid. That's right.

And Sugar Yo Sheide, he gave a blackwood watch and cuff link box. So if nothing else, he's the guy you invite to the party because he brings you nice gifts. Right. That's all I can think about why they'd have Australia, because it makes no other fucking reason at all. Is it that they need our land or something? Is it just literally like, oh, and we need that real estate over there. So we'll get Australia to come in because they've got nice landing pad for all our machines. Oh, maybe that's what Adelaide's for.

Maybe Adelaide is going to be just a place. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. We finally figured it out. Congratulations, Adelaide. I was assuming it was some sort of first strike thing. You know how in every disaster movie there's always one character that gets knocked out early? I'm assuming what happens is the first thing, like the deal gets done and, oh, they've destroyed Australia.

Oh, well, look. Yeah, so this is where the site for the proxy war. Yeah, because there always needs to be a proxy war. Yeah, exactly. We're the proxy in which this war will be fought. Yes. Oh, great. Oh, well, at least, you know, there'll be lots of good movies and stuff.

Because, I mean, imagine, there'll be a whole lot of different movies. There'll be Hollywood movies, but there'll be also Bollywood movies. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And Japanese cinema's great. Yeah, exactly. Imagine the Bollywood Scott Morrison Dance number before he gets destroyed by a missile.

It'll be Australia, where the hell are you? But in Hindi. Well, thank you. I've been very confused by what the quad was. I don't think he helped at all. I don't think Sammy helped. All I've brought to the table is a list of the presents that were exchanged. Beyond that, I still have no...

Look, here's the idea. Apparently, they're saying it's like NATO, but not NATO, for China. Which means, in the end, China's going to win. Because if the one lesson we learned was America creating NATO against Russia, was sure the Soviet Union fell, but now Russia. own's American government and so we can see the same thing with China as well.

I'm assuming that our role in the court is much like my role in the Chaser TV shows don't really do very much but happy to be along for the ride. This episode is brought to you

by Squid Game. It's a Netflix original documentary about the octopus that predicted the World Cup it's cool. Sounds like a good show. Hi, Lachlan.

doing this weekend. Oh, Dom, I'm a big fan of Rugby Union. We've actually got the Australia versus Argentina match on Saturday. Oh, excellent. Wallabies have actually been winning lately, haven't they? Yeah, well, the odds are with them for this match because what's happened is six of Argentina's players aren't going to be allowed to play the game. How come? Yeah, there's a little COVID restriction issue because six of them can't re-enter Queensland after going on a retreat to Byron for the week, and they're not going to be able to play the match. So it's going to be Argentina's rugby sevens versus our full squad. Oh, yeah, because there's a border bubble, isn't there?

So if you're actually from the adjoining region, like from Byron, you're allowed to go over, but the rest of us, including presumably Argentinians, are not allowed to cross. That's insane, Loughlin. It looks exactly like we're using our public health rules to try and win the sport. Oh, dear. If only the government will make an ad, Lachlan, to clear this up for foreign teams like Argentina. Well, it's funny you say that because this one's just come out. Australia welcomes all foreigners coming to play sport on our shores this summer.

You can enjoy a fun, fair and COVID-safe game just as long as you follow the simple public health orders. Competitors from overseas must isolate in a hotel for the first 45 minutes of every game. Any foreigners playing ball sports must sanitise their hands before and after every pass. International athletes must stay at least 45 metres away from Australia's goal, tri-line, hoop, or, in the case of non-contact sports such as racing, you must stay at least three metres away from the finish line. For all aquatic sports, foreign swimmers must wear either a P2

or N95 certified cloth face mask while in the water. We're honoured that you've come to compete in Australia. While there's a chance you might not beat us, you can be proud that you're among the greatest athletes in the world, and that's a victory in itself. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore?

FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca. News you can't trust. Before we go, we've got the reviews for Apple Podcasts. We really like reading them out. Please leave them.

There's any place that we can read them. Even if you don't listen to it on, just jump on there and review us. So the first one is by D-Fadingo, five stars that just says burnout. And what I don't know is if it's burnout in the sense of a car and a hoon or physical and emotional exhaustion, because both of them equally describe our podcast, I feel. As a Bathurstian at heart, I appreciate that review. What about Action Pete? Great name.

Five-star review. Happy 69th, 30th, thanks for the great daily hit of comedy gold. There you go. Good. I'm glad people think you're 69 now. I do presume that you must have, while I was away, said something because... There was a special happy birthday episode. Literally, I received hundreds of text messages.

Did you really? I didn't know my phone number. They do. They know that it's 0-4192-8-2-1-8. It's publicly known. Uniterra says, Monsuil Guillotine and his Democratic something. I can't finish the rest of the title because it cuts off.

Thank you, Chaser, for finally making me appreciate French culture. Let's prepare international relations by joining together in Nostomovember. Great, pun. This is a little bit critical. This podcast is five stars, strangely, from Chris 4,500. This podcast is both irritating and hilarious. The guests are far more interesting and funny than the hosts. I love Rebecca's news headlines and the interns,

so I put up with Charles and Dom like, the gritty cheap biscuit filling inside a chocolate hobnob. I mean, you're only to be there for the chocolate, but hit the bickie anyway, because otherwise you've wasted your money. Well, after hearing that, I'm going to have to feed my pain and sorrow with eating chocolate hobnobs, I think. But it ends with advice. Charles, no one wants to hear about your erectile dysfunction.

Seriously, just keep your hand off and it'll get better on its own, okay? I'm glad our HR comes in the form of our listeners. It does, it does. It's good. Keep standing up for what's right, everyone. Oh, happy 69th. Another one. See, I'm popular. From Reckless Rack, says, love the pod.

I think the survey was wrong to cap it at 20 minutes, and I'm missing hearing the collective trauma over a longer time period. I agree. I think we should just ignore the 20 minutes. I think the podcast is definitely worse, being only 20 minutes long. It's definitely true that some of those mid-lockdown, like eight-minute intro is where we just descend it into hell. We don't do that as much anymore.

Some might see that as a good thing, But no, the feedback was, the survey data said 20 minutes is good. But look, they can always stop listening, can't they? Please add your review at Apple Podcasts. They're really great to read. And, you know, you make them funny or interesting, we'll read them out, even if they're critical. Our Gehry is from Road Microphones with part of the ACAST Creator Network.

See you next week. Catch you.