The Chaser Report - Should We Really Be Rebelling Against Extinction?

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

A climate protest in Melbourne blocks traffic (we promised traffic reports!), and AusPost announce a groundbreaking change to how you'll not get your mail. Dom and Charles continue their tireless crusade to bring you the good news every single day of 2023.We're so tired, at this point extinction sounds like a nice long break. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Dom, we've got a bit of a traffic report for this podcast. I know we promised to have traffic reports more often on this podcast. But there is actually, as we speak, as we record this, King Street in Melbourne is completely blocked with hundreds, if not thousands of extensive. Rebellion Rebellion protesters who've basically created chaos in Melbourne over this tiny little fact that this year carbon emissions are going to hit record peaks and the amount of carbon that we're emitting in the atmosphere is actually accelerating rather than what everyone's saying

should happen. It should go in the other direction. Thank you, Charles. Nice to be here. The best way I think to send a message about the planet and the dire nature of carbon emissions is to block traffic in Melbourne extensively so that people sit there idling in their cars for a very, very long time. It's just a great way to ensure that if there was any doubt about emissions, there's a whole bunch of extra ones going out there, courtesy of extinction, rebellion. But Dom, they're supposed to be annoying these protests. They're supposed to disrupt.

They're supposed to make people pay attention. Don't you know that? I do. I completely understand the logic of the strategy. And we'll get into this a little bit more detail. Right after this delay, which is not caused by any worthwhile purpose whatsoever, except us getting money. Thank you for the money. I really appreciate that.

So, yes, the whole point of protests, I realize of this logic of protest is to be really irritating. But isn't there a non-trivial risk charles that people will get annoyed with the protesters rather than with the polluters in this sort of scenario? Isn't that the risk that they're taking? Well, I think their whole strategy is to actually grind capitalism down to a halt so that it doesn't really matter whether people are irritated with the protesters because actually they're impacting the ability for capital to make money, which is what will make capital act. I think that's the theory behind it is. Probably. I assume that with a group called a Contention Rebellion, some fairly optimistic concepts about the revolution being around the corner, we're on the table at some point. But look, if your point is that there is a dire climate crisis going on, to you, I say, well, yes, that's right. We've just had COP 28, Charles.

I mean, could the planet possibly, could anyone do more than have a UN talk fest in the UAE to try and address it? Aren't we already doing a lot? And Charles, also, you also know full well, because we discussed on the podcast before, that the Australian government is allowing people from low-lying islands in the Pacific to come here at an incredibly slow rate of, I think is it, five per year, slightly more than five per year. So Charles, what more do they want these protesters? What more could they possibly be asking for down there in King Street, Melbourne? You're kind of right, aren't you?

Because it's, I mean, sure, the Labor Party's approved a whole lot of coal and gas mines, but they've approved less than the other lot would have approved by now had they been in for the last 18 months. Yes. So what are we worrying about? I kind of, you've sort of convinced me with your moderate centriism. Tom, the only thing that I would say, just the tiny, like, this little tiny shred of doubt that I've got is that, I don't know where you are.

Oh, you're in Sydney, aren't you, Dom? Yeah, I'm in Canber. I think the weather warning here is catastrophically hot, and then it's only going to get hotter during the week. I think it's going to be something like 44 in Sydney on Saturday. Yeah, 42 degrees in Penn, I believe, is the forecast. It's going to be 17 and drizzling in. Melbourne. But, you know, like, in most places around, like the heat, there's a massive

heat wave, and you do sort of kind of feel like it's sort of a climate-charged heat wave. That's my only little tiny thing about, like, okay, we should just not worry about it. Oh, we should worry about it, Charles. But what can we do about it? I mean, we've already elected the most pro-climate government we've ever had in Australia, and they're about to get kicked out because of the, all the criminals that they've let out, several of whom have been charged with criminal offences. And that's the end of the Albanese government. So we tried that, Charles.

We did all we could. We elected a government willing to do slightly more on this and 18 months in and they're doomed. So, Charles, after this, who do you, which government's going to do anything on climate again? How did it work out for Albo? The Labor Party made the mistake of thinking that extinction rebellion was about, like, the tactic,

and adopting that tactic, but making themselves extinct. Yes. And this happened last time when Labor put in the carbon tax, we had such a giant fight about whether Julia Gillard had promised to have a carbon tax or not, that we didn't, we forgot to ask whether it was a good idea. And so she got kicked out of office. So basically, Charles, there is no argument in favour of trying to do anything ever, except

if you look at the climate and the inundations that are going on. But as that fine gentleman from Dubai mentioned, prove that fossil fuels even causes it. Prove that it's even real. Prove that any of this is even real. Charles, if we had not emitted any carbon in the atmosphere, sphere, counterfactual, maybe the climate would have just gotten worse anyway. Maybe, Charles, maybe this is just God's will. Maybe God likes it hot all of a sudden.

Which, which God? Which one? Pick your God. It doesn't matter. It's a hypothesis. The Christian God, you can pick Allah, you can pick anyone from the Hindu pantheon who you like. I think Carly is the destroyer, probably the most appropriate God for these times. Okay.

Well, maybe we should instead focus on something more positive then, which is, Let me just see Just looking through the news We've got the Middle East Should we go there? That's not going to be very happy Yeah Is this going to be another depressing episode, Charles

This is not good for our numbers Oh, I know a cheery story That will cheer us all up Which is Australia Post is going to cut Their Postal services So we only get to receive horrible letters in the mail That mainly bills and stuff once every second day

and then the rest of the time we just get parcels which is all the good stuff Hang on Charles you're going to You're joking Are you telling me Australia Post has been running a daily delivery service In the past few years

Is that actually what they've been doing? Daily! I can't believe you said that I honestly thought it had already happened I actually thought that this had been brought in a few years ago but no they've announced that it's going to happen I didn't realize they're still delivering daily

but they are apparently. Yeah, basically for parcels we want them as soon as possible because it's just shit we've ordered online that we don't need. But for letters, I can't remember the last time I received an important letter, Charles. It wasn't after the pandemic. What about old people, Dom? Old people need letters. That's the whole.

And there's a fuck ton of old people. Yes. Well, they're not in a rush, are they? That's their version of SMSes. They send things like, loll, and then they put it in the post. It would be amazing if you just got a letter in the post, and finally, Australia Post. stay in to deliver it, you open up, loll.

That would actually be good. That would be quite a good letter to send out. If I knew anyone's addresses anymore, I probably would. So, I mean, there's some good news. It's sort of going into the Christmas period. We've got to be glass half full about this, Charles, which is that I didn't think Australia Post would still exist now. Having any deliveries is amazing.

And the fact that we've managed to justify it all with online orders is remarkable. That's good. All those jobs have been, well, not all the jobs, but probably some of the jobs have been kept. No, no, all the jobs are being kept. That's the other good thing, is that they've actually designed it around protecting workers' rights and having well-paid workers. Because they've got a huge staff of older employees, and it would create massive unemployment problems if they started sacking Australia Post staff. Because they're all people in their 50s and 60s who do it partly to get fit and keep active.

What a good idea. No, okay, so there we go. We've got one, good one. It's very good beach weather. Yes, it is. It's wonderful, wonderful beach weather. As long as you can stay there for about five minutes, because after that point, you will definitely get melanoma with that amount of UV.

Just make a very brief, so, like more of a cameo at the beach, and you'll be fine. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. The other great news is that Bruce Lehman has solved the rental crisis in Sydney. Oh, look, that is an innovative solution. What you do, this is hot tip to anyone who is, struggling with paying the rent or unable to find a rental place. Just do something absolutely horrendous. And then Channel 7 will pay your rent for you for an entire year, $2,000 a week, $4,000.

I haven't previously had Channel 7 listed among the nation's top charities, Charles. But between Ben Roberts Smith, the support they've given him in his court case and then Bruce Lehman, they're really, they're amazing at funding young men who've got themselves in a lot of trouble, allegedly of their own causing, at least in one of those cases. Well, it is true, Dom. I don't know whether you're going to come and see my show tonight, which is at the end war on Thursday, the 7th of December, war on 2023. But we have a segment in that called the Defo Awards.

And that segment is actually sponsored by Channel 7. It's an awards night where we celebrate fuck-ups in defamation across the year. And I'll tell you what, there's a lot of award winners this year. Won't it be fantastic for your show next year if that segment is involved in a court case that then wins the following year? I think that's well worth doing. You'd have 10 or 15 minutes next to your show just scripted already, wouldn't you? Well, I'll let you on a little secret because actually, I'm pretty sure. I mean, all the tickets are sold out in Melbourne anyway, so we don't need to sell any more tickets there.

And I think it's almost solid in Sydney. But the gold injunction, which is the big award, is like the gold walkly of the defos, is the, The actual definition of the Golden Junction is the person who launches a sexual assault defamation case while simultaneously facing a second sexual assault allegation. That's the actual, that's how you get as Golden Junction. So, I mean, I don't know who's going to get you. No, it sounds very suspenseful. I hope it comes in a sort of circular shape, again, sort of never-ending, maybe in Orboros, like a snake eating itself.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Or just a leggy. Yes, no, it could be a gold leg. Or it could just be a gold Channel 7 logo, couldn't it? And the good thing about the Channel 7 logo is that it's very spiky. So you could injure yourself with it. And that seems to be the way that most of these people connect with Channel 7 is through some form of self-harm. Yes, yes.

So that's good. I mean... It's been a bit of a difficult episode, this isn't it? We've been looking for positive notes to strike. It's been difficult. We're coming to the end of a difficult year. A tour company, the other great news is a tour company has started doing tours where you can go and see polar bears up close in the Arctic.

And their sales pitches see them before they all die out. That's a nice opportunity. That's a nice opportunity. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. We should probably think about resting the podcast for the year sometime soon, Charles, shouldn't we?

I mean, I think this is the sound of two very different. tired men running out of puff. We might pick it up again after you, after your tour. Maybe I'll interview someone else later in the week, because I know you're very busy. Yeah, why don't, well, yeah, I think that's probably a good idea. Yeah, why don't we say, we'll be back bright and early next week. And if you can find somebody to do tomorrow's, I think that might be.

I just, what I'll do, I'll try and find someone who can defame someone so that you can have them in the show next year. Yeah, that's perfect. All right, all right. Well, look, Chook is for the shows. I hope they do very, very well. Are you going to come? To the show?

Well, I had an event tonight, but it's just been cancelled. So it's possible, it's possible. But apparently I can't get a ticket anymore. Well, no, no, I can, like, there's just right up the back. But we can reconfigure the comms. We'll just make somebody else set up the back. So you can, and anyway, you can sit in it. You can get a lift with my mum.

Am I allowed to heckle? Is it wrong to heckle? People do heckle, but I just smash them down. You'll have to, you'll have to be. You'll have to put up with my seren wit. Well, that'd probably be good for you, wouldn't it? Probably give you some other last. Last time I did that at the end more,

last year's show, my put down was in the Finn review. I did remember hearing about that. What was that again? What did you say? Go on, relive the moment before you go. It was a bit, I can't remember the put down,

but it was a Ben Robert Smith heckler. He was pro Ben Robert Smith. And the thing is, our sketch was entirely based on Ben Robert Smith's own quotes. So it was incredibly factual. So I felt on safe ground, even though it was actually in front of the courts of times. Which fan of Ben Robert Smith comes to the war in 2022, expecting positive truth? Were they expecting praise for the man?

I don't know. Maybe they were there to see what searing wit I have in putting them down. It was probably definitely like that sort of. Okay, well, very good. I'll see if I can get there. But it sounds like thousands of others have taken the opportunity. So well done. It's not easy to sell tickets in these constrained.

causey lives times. Yeah. Well, when you're as hot as I am, you know, it's not that hard. Seems that way, bizarrely enough. I don't understand this world of ours, Charles, but that's a topic for another time. All right. Look, all the best with it, and we'll see you back here in the podcast studio next week. Hopefully, better rested as I will be as well.

Our gear is from Road, but part of the Iconiclast network. And I hope you've already booked to see Charles, because if you haven't, you'll miss out. like well you can go see if you can get a ticket it's at the end more um on uh thursday night catch you next week see yeah