The Chaser Report - Should We Record While Drunk?

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Charles has returned to the podcast, but refuses to leave Melbourne. Dom gives a rundown of how successfully the Winter Olympics are going with absolutely no fear of political censorship. Plus Charles has come up with a new method for recording the podcast that YOU get to decide on! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is Thursday the 10th of February 2022. Gabby Boltz here. I'm Domney. And coming to you from Narm, aka Melbourne, Charles, for today. Hello, Charles. Hey, Charles.

Hello. I'll tell you what the best thing about Melbourne is. What's that? The scooters. Do you know about this? I do know about this. They've got electric scooters every. air now. And they're totally legal there.

They're totally legal. And they've got amazingly good bike cars, which actually just don't cut out every time you get to another street. Yeah. And guess what? It's the best part about electric scooters. What's the best part? They go very fast. I have been here for about three days.

I have not ridden one of them because they're always fucking out of batteries because they don't have enough fucking scooters. Okay. So, you fucking act together, Melbourne. I recall, this of shit. Melbourne had a bike lending scheme like remember there was a whole thing that bikes are everywhere to share

but then they didn't have helmets to share so you had to bring your own helmets so they don't ever wore them so they've gotten rid of that and gone for scooters that with no charge now is that what what's next well I'm thinking I'm gonna take because they're everywhere they're just not charged right isn't the traditional thing in Melbourne to do to just head down to the Yarra and chuck them in the Yarra yeah because that's what happened last time I'm doing a service. That checks out. Because it actually makes the era look more beautiful.

I love the Melbourne Public Transport. Like I particularly enjoy that they actually passed a law to ratify what we were all doing forever, which is just not paying in the city. Yeah, we used to just Charles Street, the Comedy Festival, we would always write on it and never ever pay. Now they're like, oh yeah, that's the law now. Thank you, Melbourne. It's literally a piece of legislation entitled, you know, the give up law of, you know, to In 2014, I can't wait.

On today's show, Charles is going to tell us about, it just says Brazilian Joe Rogan here. Charles, I'm intrigued. Yeah, we know no context. And I've got a bit of a rundown of the Winter Olympics for you. All of that coming up after Recadena Muno in the Chaser Newsroom. Scott, love thy neighbour as you love thy Cole, Morrison, has demanded that schools maintain the right to expel LGBTIQIA plus children

so that said kids are, force to enter the workforce and drive forklifts, as the Lord intended. The decision to throw already vulnerable children under the bus comes as Morrison's latest effort to demonstrate that he is not a complete psychopath. After the announcement of their press club conference, Brittany Higgins and Grace Tame have been notified by the Prime Minister that he will not be attending the event due to a prior engagement with an extremely important curry he has to 10 too. Channel 10 has revealed the real reason as to why neighbours has been cancelled, confirming

it was a budgeting issue. Network 10 revealed that the soap was axed as no characters would be reasonably able to afford a three-bedroom house in Melbourne on a barista's salary. That's the latest headlines from The Chaser Report. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno, and if you have a headline to pitch, send it to Headlines at Corey Bernardi.com. So I've got a bit of good news or bad news depending on whether you like Nazis or not.

Oh, I'm a bit undecided. There's the jury out on that one. I thought the National War Crimes Tribunal had to establish the jury wasn't out of it. Well, it does seem increasingly across the world that the question of whether Nazism is good or bad is becoming more controversial. For some reason.

And that has spread to Brazil. Oh. They've got a Joe Rhodes. over there. They've got their own Portuguese-speaking Joe Rogan. Nice. His name's monarch. Nice name.

Big podcaster, very popular, completely sort of independent, like not part of the mainstream media. But absolutely massive. All the politicians have to sort of tip their hat and go on him from time to time. Got a bow to the monarch. But yesterday he went on a four-hour rant. during his podcast, stating that the state shouldn't have the right to ban parties, political parties, right, because in Brazil there's all these sort of bans. It's not a great political system over there.

But he used as the example of, you know, the type of party that should be allowed to exist. He's the Nazi party. But the Nazi party should be allowed to set up shop in Brazil if it wants. That's basically what he said. Anyway, so the fallout was. was fairly swift. Within hours, the EPP had been removed by the podcast distributor company that runs his podcast. And this morning, they actually fired him from their platform. Oh, shit. Yeah. So.

That's not what you do. That's no, they've got it wrong. What you do is you just quietly delete them and just still pay him $100 million. Yeah. But I think the point is that all the Brazilian, they didn't, like Brazilian music is fucking rocking, right? and they didn't want the Brazilian Neil Young to pull out of the platform. Brazilian Neil Young is actually an album I think I'd listen to. It'd be great. Old man, but like Fiesta?

Yeah, Sergio Mendes. You don't want to lose Sergio Mendez off Spotify. Okay, but the point is, for me, this whole issue is not about free speech. It's not even about whether Nazism is good or bad, although I'd like to just, you know, make a video on that. bit of it, I think it is bad. It's definitely bad.

But he apologised. He went on Twitter and he actually did a little apology this morning. And his reasoning for why he went on this four-hour rant was that he was, he was, oh yeah, go on. He was taken out of context. He was quoting. Some of his best friends are Nazis. Yeah. And he's shocked that anyone think he was pro-Nazis, despite spending four hours talking about how great they are.

Again, stickler for information, the right thing. He was just quoting accurately. That's... Or I was drunk. Yeah. Or under a lot of emotional stress. I was drunk. That's his thing.

No. The whole point is, no. And this is the good part. And this is the part that I want us to learn and actually do ourselves, which is... No. He was drunk. I did it. And apparently, that's the whole format of his podcast.

He gets on the podcast. He starts drinking. He drinks for four hours and whatever. comes out of his brain, comes out of his brain. And that's the experience, the listener experience. Guys, we have to do a drunk chaser report. I thought every episode of the Chaser report was a drunk chaser report. Charles, it comes out of the two of your mouths.

I just figure happy hours every hour with you two. Yeah, Charles, I assume you brought this up in a sort of bid to be able to disclaim all that we've said in the past. It was all every episode so far, we've been very drunk. We don't know what we were saying. Yeah. But also, Charles, isn't it true? that when people get very drunk,

they say what they really think without thinking about the cause. I've got this. No, the actual sort of, what's the term? Inveno Veritas. Yeah, the actual proverb is a drunk mind speaks a sober heart. And yeah, that's completely true.

It's been proven by science, doctors. No, no, I think, and I say this to my wife, to all my loved ones, to all to my friends. Great. That, no, I think he's right that when you're drunk, you just say things you don't actually mean at all. Oh, no. It's a sort of... You find yourself here a lot, don't you, Charles?

But that proves that this podcast would improve if we were all drunk. As two people who saw me at the podcast awards, I can guarantee you this podcast would not improve if we were drunk. I mean, it would be more interesting. Look, there'd be more baths in the shower clothes on. Live from my shower. So anyway, I think we should let the listeners decide on this one. All right. So email us at podcast at chaser.com.

If you think that we should do it. Just once a week, I'm thinking, like maybe Monday morning. Monday. Drunk podcast. Yeah. No, here's the thing. Here's what I don't understand about this method. Okay.

If his response was, The Brazilian Joe Rogan's response was, oh, don't worry, I was drunk. Is the podcast live? Is his podcast live? No. He published it drunk too. So it's like, I got drunk. I filmed everything.

I didn't edit anything out and published it and then defended himself with, oh, I was drunk. How are you going to do that? What do you mean? Presumably he was drunk during the apology. Oh, my God. You know what? I'm in favour of this plan as long as we can get sponsored by like an anti-drink. driving campaigner, because I think it'll be like, don't be like Charles.

I think that's a compelling service of alcohol podcast. RSA. Powered by Charles being irresponsible. All right, fine. I'll get drunk in the name of earning money from my job. That's fine. Well, it's up to the listeners now. Okay. Bottom's up. Rock bottom, more like. Cancellation's up too. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be

considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. So Charles and Gabby, have you been paying any attention to the Winter Olympics? No, I never do. Until something funny happens, like a Bradbury, and then I'm like, all he is. But no, I haven't been paying attention. I put on the skeleton last night and not a single person died. I mean, what's the fucking point? The name is misleading.

But look, I've been researching this, and I'm here to tell you that Beijing 2022 is a huge success in every respect. There's nothing wrong with it from the moment that the legendary Uighur cross-country skier Dinigir Yilamujian lit the flame with an athlete from the Han majority. Everything's been fine. And all the criticisms of China, they're all wrong. I mean, you're familiar with Dinahir Yilamujang, right? Yeah, household name. Yeah, she's 20 years old.

It's her first Olympics and cross-country skiing is not really a sport that China does any of. Right. God, that's brave. So, but she was there through merit. Okay. They weren't trying to like stage anything. Wait, is this like China's Eddie the Eagle kind of situation? No, she's China's Kathy Freeman.

She lit the flame at the start of the Olympics, thus proving that everything's fine in the, you know, in the Uighur region. Okay, right. I feel like we need a sort of heavy-handed sarcasm, siren, or sound effect or something. I actually think I need that personally, because sometimes you two are just very good at your jobs, and I think you're serious all the time. Okay, another concern that the misguided West has had is about Peng Shui.

You remember the woman, the tennis star, who accused the vice premier of sexual assault on WeChat. Yes. Well, she's come out and actually given an interview to Le Kipp, the French newspaper, saying that it's just created misunderstanding her posts. She retracts it all and everything's fine. She's been at a few events and she's very happy. There's no problem.

So Whig is fine. Peng Shui is fine. It's all going very well. It's all going very well. Oh, there's one more I want to clear up. Why do I get the feeling that it's not actually going very well? Show her den dust. She might have heard of this guy.

He's a Dutch broadcaster. and he was live on TV in the Netherlands during the opening ceremony and a security guard actually just dragged him away from the camera live on TV. That was a misunderstanding. So he was worried that a giant snowball would come down and hit the broadcaster.

That is not true. On live TV. No. That is not true. The actual quote was, I think someone was being overzealous. That's the defence that was given. So that's fine too.

But the best success, I mean, there's a lot of other misconceptions. You probably think, like the rest of the world, that you need snow for the Winter Olympics. Is that something you previously... No, that's not true either. Snow, what? No, what? Snow cold, cold winter.

No, you just make the snow with a giant snowmaking operation. And what you do is you put a giant slope right next to something that looks like the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Have you seen those photos? Oh, I have. I thought that was fake. No, no, that's a real thing.

It's the big air track. And they've just done snowmaking next to this giant. giant industrial site, cashing it on the West's fondness for the Simpsons. Yeah, that's what they're cashing in on. But what it has intrigued me is, it would seem from my cursory glance at the Winter Olympics, that not a single place in Beijing has snow. Yes, it's a very flat. I've been to Beijing.

It is incredibly, there are no mountains in Beijing. Why is it in Beijing? Well, it does get incredibly and horribly cold, so you can make snow pretty easily. But it's the first place ever to have summer and winter Olympics in the same actual place, right? And you might make that, that might make you think that it was stupid to have the Winter Olympics there, but you'd be wrong about that too, Gabby. Well, yeah, either that or I would be redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted, redacted. But I think my favourite aspect of the games is the outpouring of love from across the world

for China's cuddly panda mascot. Oh, beautiful. Bing, Dwen, Dwen. Love Bing Dwen Dwen. And you might have seen on Twitter a lot of people just, tweeting how great Bing Dwen Dwen is, how she's a, you know, the bringing in a shared future for the world. I love that.

And the best thing about that is that 35% of all the tweets about Bing Dwen Dwen are from accounts that have just been created in the last year from such names as Jessica 7702-5679. And there's actually one called Bot 47305, 224. Who's a big fan. Conspiracy, Bing Dwen Dwen, buying followers. Shut it down. I mean, some critics might think that actually this is a huge attempt to whitewash and appalling situation.

Yeah. But I know how I can silence both you and everyone else in Australia from worrying about this ever again. Okay. I am. I like being silenced. Did you know that Australia want a gold medal? I did. Is this for curling?

No. It was our first medal in curling as well. It was in the women's moguls. Oh, shit. So just shut up and enjoy the goal. Yay. Go us. Do you need to give you a little cuddly Bing Dwen Dwen to make it all feel better?

Actually, if you could just give me Bing Dwen's paid followers, that would probably make me feel really good too. Actually, can I just pick on the... I know that we're getting to the end of this, but I think it's... Like, that is, you're casting aspersions on Bing Dwen's followers. Yeah, sorry. Sorry, how dare I?

By saying that they're bots. Like, I've got a friend whose name is bot, and he gets really upset when anyone accuses him of being a bot just because his name is bot, 36, 8, 4, 8. Oh, that's beautiful. It doesn't mean he doesn't exist. Is that French?

Actually, sorry, there's a Chinese security guard here to just drag us all the way. What? No, what do you mean? I'm going to finish it here. I was drunk. I can't swim. Our dearest and rode microphones

are part of the ACUS credit network and long leave Xi Jinping. I can't Steve!