The Chaser Report - Some Good News (And By Good We Mean Bad)

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Dom and Charles bless your ears with some good news about famously happy topics such as; political religious bigotry, Ben Roberts-Smith and everyone's favourite dopamine inducing topic, the economy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And today's episode is going to be full of good news, wonderful, uplifting news. Only good news. Only good news. Exciting stories. And I don't want this to be some sort of sarcastic thing where we say it's going to be good news and it's all bad news. No, no.

This is good, good news. It is fabulous news. I've got good news on the economy. Yay! I've got excellent news about a friend of the podcast, Ben Robert Smith, he's back in action. Oh, okay. Radio. And maybe not so good news for Afghan farmers.

An old friend is back in the news. A man called Lyle Shelton. Formerly of the Australian Christian Lobby, what the voice needed was Lyle Shelton's input. Mr. Success, I think is his nickname. And in fact, it's fair to say that those who followed the same-sex marriage process might actually see Lyle Shelton's emergence at the 11th hour as an excellent sign. We'll bring you all of that wonderful news and more in just a moment. Where to start, can we start with Lyle Shelton?

Because I'm desperate to know what he, because he's the guy. I'm pretty sure he's the guy during the marriage equality debate who came out with the idea that people would start getting married to bridges. That was actually former Senator Erica Betts. Was it? Yeah, but look, they're all in cahoots. Because it wasn't the whole point that Lyle Shilton was in the Liberal Party, wasn't he? Yeah, I think so.

He's run for Parliament before. And he was this flaming bright light within the conservative movement. He was sort of seen as the next great white hope. Very white. Very white. He's now in family first. So he's now the kind of remainder of that kind of Christian-based. However, most of the Christians I know despise Lyle Shelton all that he stands for.

But the thing is, he never really, like every movement he's ever attached himself to turns out to sort of fail dismally. Yes, yes. The time when family first got people elected was that was Senator Steve Fielding with his giant bottle suit, not Lyle Shelton. Lyle Shelton, he was on Q&A all the time. He was basically... Oh, that's right. And he launched that Get Up for...

What was it called? It was Get Up for Conservatives. Oh, there's Advanced Australia. It was called... Well, Advanced Australia is behind the no vote, but there was another one. There was another one called Way Down or something, or get down. That's right. Remember there was one?

So he basically has been on the wrong side of many, many, many. Many, many, many. He's lost over and over again. Many. But this might be the one he finally wins. That's what happens in political things. When people sense that there's some sort of victory impending, they just attach themselves like parasitic flies. Yeah, quite possibly.

So anyway, so he's come out and his claim, Charles, is actually, can you guess what do you think is going to happen if the voice to parliament gets up on Saturday? My guess is that if the voice gets up, then Aboriginal people will start getting married to bridge. No, but I suppose if that was what they wanted, they could say so through the voice in Parliament would need to at least be aware. Yeah, they'd go, hang on, have you considered about our need to get married to bridges? And then that would be the decline of Western Civilisation. Well, the decline of Western Civilisation bit is right. Because what's going to happen, according to Lyle Shelton, if the voice gets up, Christianity will end. Oh, Christianity will end.

Another reason to vote, yes. He says that, we wouldn't have Catholic priests fiddling with the older boys? They'd find a way, wouldn't they? Well, no, but if they didn't have the cover of their religion, what would they? Yeah, they'd just be bog standards. Pitos in weird clothes. Yeah, it's true. Pito's in dresses.

So what he says is that it will be a lever, a lever for anti-Christian ideology. The notion of listening to First Nations would somehow be a lever for anti-Christian ideology. And he's worried. So how does this quite, this doesn't quite. match. I don't understand. He says it would embed indigenous spirituality in the constitution. That we'd have to take account of the fact that before

the first fleet arrived, before Westerners arrived, there were First Nations religions here in Australia. You'd have to acknowledge that the world didn't begin, you know, whatever it is 5,000, 6,000 years ago. And that people existed before then who had

beliefs different to Lyle. Well, that's true. That's true. If creationism is true and the world was created by God, 7,000 years ago. They couldn't possibly have been First Nations people here 65,000 years ago. Okay. So it'll lead to the downfall of Christianity. So the good news is this is really an embodiment of the way that the No campaign has evolved because Charles, you'll be pleased to know. He's not against First Nations people

at all. He's not a racist. What he is, is in favour of reconciliation and recognition. So he started a group at the 11th hour. It's called Christians for Equality. And Christians for Equality wants reconciliation. They want recognition the same as Peter Dutton. but they also want to prevent Australia's constitution from being used as a lever for anti-Christian ideology. But they want to do this in the spirit of reconciliation. I'm not sure whether he's referring to reconciliation with First Nations or between Christians and the increasingly secular world. I don't know what he's trying to get at there. But it's important to note that no one in this debate, Charles.

No one is against recognition, just that they don't want recognition in the form that First Nations have asked for. They just want recognition on their own terms. Which is another referendum going, you know, someone was here before. Yeah. Whatevers. Doesn't actually mean anything. Doesn't mean anything. We're just going to say the people were here. Sure, you were here, but that doesn't actually have any consequences, okay? I think I'd make a good no campaigner, wouldn't I?

You should get on that, the 11th hour, in fact. I could join the winning side. You should. Oh, well, no, we're not allowed to say that. At 555pm on Saturday. No, I saw just briefly, Anne Toomey, who's a constitutional scholar, quoted in a piece by Megan Davis, also a constitutional scholar, saying that, in fact, having the recognition,

in the Constitution without a specific form like the voice creates a massive constitutional dilemma because is the court supposed to take the recognition that there was actually someone here before the Westerners arrived and the Constitution was existed? Because this Constitution itself is in violation of Aboriginal sovereignty. So if you acknowledge Aboriginal sovereignty... If you do recognition, yes. Then you're sort of fucking over your own constitution. You created attention that wouldn't be there if you're just saying there's a voice. Yes, because that sort of gives a mechanism by which the law can exist and the Constitution and exist while also recognising the First Nations.

Yeah, so Megan Davis's point is that that sort of soft, what's called as soft recognition, is actually legally very problematic. Anyway, so Lyle Shelton has gotten in on this. The one spokesman for Christians for Equality, look, he's another part of Advance Australia. Again, he wants to take Australia forward to an Australia with no recognition. No, he wants to take Australia forward by making sure that it adheres only to a 2,000-year-old book. That will advance Australia by only pinning ourselves to something that was written 2000 years ago. So a lot of Christians are voting yes. And in fact, the church not far from

where we live, Charles, in Sydney's inner west, hosted Anthony Albanese and lots of other yes campaigners in the past week. And they felt that Christianity was compatible. And they're a conservative church. Like, I know the... Yeah, I know the priest there. My son is friends with his son. So basically, there are lots of Christians who are in favour of yes, because they want better outcomes for First Nations people, given the gap in all that. But Lyle Shelton, as ever, is not one of them. So there you go, Lyle Shelton's back. That's the first bit of good news.

But I think that is good news for the Yes campaign. It is, because historically speaking, every time Lyle Shelton goes for something, he loses. Yep. He is the curse of any cause. Yeah. So if only he'd join the no cause a couple of weeks ago. So if yes wins on Saturday, we will point to the arrival of Lyle Shelton's a moment when yes's victory became.

I'm inevitable. And it won't be Nathan Cleary, you know, that tip the belly. Because you know how the polls are all coming back for yes now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It won't be Nathan Cleary coming out in support of yes. Well, there won't be Briggs and Victoria and Jenna, that wonderful video that they made. It won't be all that, which actually, you know, has done, you know that Vick and Jenna were saying yesterday that they have to update their social media.

Because in the industry, you've got to tell everyone how many views you've had. And this has done more views than their entire rest of their canon ever. So they did very well with the contact traces with you. Yeah. And this has done much better. Well, Tyke Waititi, retweeted it. And Jason Momoa, Aquaman himself. Yes.

Shared that video. So that was more news there. Okay, so Lyle Shelton, as the potential Canary in the Coal Mine of Yes, winning a surprise victory, frankly, at this stage. That is Good News Item 1. Can we possibly fit more good news in this podcast, Charles? Yes, I think we definitely can. After this.

The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Okay, so the second bit of good news, do we want to go to Ben Robert Smith, or do we want to go to the news about the economy? No, well, let's do Ben Robert Smith, because I feel like the economy one's going to be a sarcastic one. Yes, do you think? Okay, so Ben Robert Smith... Ben Robert Smith is just endlessly entertaining.

So he's continuing his defamation fight. Really? So does this mean we're not allowed to call him a proven war criminal? No, no, you can call him a murderer. You can say that the court has found him to be a murderer. But isn't he appealing that? Yes, but until he wins the appeal. Oh, okay.

Guilty until proven innocent. Well, he wasn't guilty because it was... found it wasn't a criminal process, right? It was on the balance of probabilities. Justice Anthony Pesenko, in a decision on the 1st of June said, nah, you killed people, mate, you're a killer. You're a murderer and you're a war criminal. That's what he said.

I'm not exaggerating. We actually... I'm not defaming Ben Robertsmith. That is the view of the court. In our War on 2020 show, which we're rehearsing today, actually. We've got the Defo Awards this year. Oh, yeah. Because it's a red carpet event.

We're going to dress up in tuxedos. Nice. Defo Awards. And the Defo Award for Future War Cross. crime tribunals in Geneva. Goes to Ben Robert Smith. There's a bit of a spoiler. He'll be so proud.

So he's fighting on, having lost the federal court case, he's appealing. But here's the twist. He has been told that before he can take it to the next stage, before he can even go back into the courtroom and protest his innocence once more, he has to pay $910,000 in case he loses, basically. Because the newspapers won. 910,000 in case it. I don't understand why.

So he's had to pay all this money into. the bank account as a bond as a bond so that if he loses because hasn't he already declared bankruptcy so or certainly we know that he's under his financial strain yeah so he's had to pay this money so that the newspaper's legal costs are covered if he loses the next stage yes because otherwise they'll be going you are suing us but we can't actually recover the cost yes the good news is he's got a payment plan there's one payment of 310 grand and two of 300 grand well that's what you do i mean that's actually roughly the same size as my electricity because deal this month.

Yeah, that's right. Did you ask for a payment? I put it on the payment plan. So you get in there. The costs so far have already been $25 million a credit. No wonder he's struggling. Interestingly, Kerry Stokes funded the lawsuit so far, but under a loan agreement. I wonder what will happen with that.

I don't think you'd want to owe money to Kerry Stokes somehow. Well, it was funded by seven. Although actually... I'm not sure I would want to be the person who Kerry Stokes asked to recover the money from Bairton Robert Smith. Well, he's own company. So, Kerry Stakes' own company took over the debt and paid it out. So I think he's a long way in the hole.

Right, okay. So how does the conversation transpire? Well, hey, Ben, mate, you know how I gave you that $25 million? Can I have it back? And then Bruton Robertson says, yes, the court case found that I'm a brutal murderer. Just walk over to the edge of this clip. Yeah, let's have a conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right. where we are, Ben Robert Smith is back. But the notion that he's got to pay 900 grand even to go to court to begin with, I think is rather fascinating. So will there be more evidence in court and stuff like that? Because that was always the juicy bit, wasn't it? Which was like, does Ben Robertsiff now get to dig up his laptop that he buried or something? I thought you were going to say dig up the bodies.

Okay, sorry. But you know what I meant? Because you know how he presents evidence and goes, see, this is in my favour. I burn my laptops and stuff like that. Like a lot of his own testimony, his own witnesses. Was self-harm. Was self-harming. Are we going to see more of that, or is this more of a sort of legalistic?

I mean, you've got to hand it to him that he's so good at hurting humans. Yes. He's hurt himself enormously. So, look, it's going to happen in late February. And I don't know, because in general terms, if you're appealing, you've got to find an error of law or fact. They're usually boring. They're boring cases. They're usually fairly technical.

Yeah. So I don't know how the case is going to go. But basically what this means is, Charles, late February, get the popcorn. Yes. Can you order some special popcorn? Yes. We should have. Ben Robert Smith's popcorn

containers. Yeah, microwave and it's either you make it in the microwave or you basically just shoot it and the heat of the bullet will pop all the corn. I think that'd work.

If you shot a bag of popcorn, let's say there was a detainee's face on it. You shot the bag of popcorn, the heat would make it pop, wouldn't it? Yes. We've got to test that one out. Anyway, that's our second piece of good news. And the third piece of good news, Charles,

this is encouraging stuff. About the economy, I'm so relieved because as far as I'm concerned, the economy is so, shit at the moment. Like everyone, everyone I know. Like, you know, you have conversations with them about renting and stuff of that and they end up crying in front of you. It's just embarrassing. Can we have one of those conversations actually after the end of this podcast? That'd be really helpful just on a personal note. Basically, the great news, the RBA's come out. Now, the first

bit of good news is Philip Lowe's not there anymore. He's gone. What? He's gone. He's gone. No, he's not. Oh, I assumed. I knew he was on your way out, but I assume that was like some sort of over five years on a fixed rate or something. Oh, yeah. No, that would be so true, wouldn't it? That'd be exactly what they'd do. He's probably still being paid. Well, I imagine so.

Yeah, I mean, an important job like he did of just putting out all the money. Now, but Michelle Bullock is the new, the first female governor. However, they've got another generic white guy to take over her old job as assistant governor, a guy called Christopher Kent, who has glasses and looks like a... He looks like Philip Lowe. It could be, Philip. I'm not sure. Oh, no, that's what's happened.

It'd be hard to tell it to them part of the police. So my name is Christopher Clark Kent. So I haven't heard of this guy before, but this is his first big statement. And let me say, they usually just appoint the assistant governor is the next governor. And let's say the RBA is going to remain pretty consistent. Here's what he said. He's come out and said in a speech that the great news is what the RBA has been doing has been working. It's very, very good news that it's working well.

Wait a minute. So what is it working? Because I thought their aim was to sort of crash the economy. Yes, that's right. So retailers are discounting their prices. Because otherwise nobody's buying anything. To retailers are struggling and in genuine economic pain. Yes, they are.

And so what they're doing is they're having to slash everything to the, to actually. I imagine laying off staff too as part of this process and so on. So what it means is that the monetary policy is working. The rate increases have been working. He's also noting that the full impact was still to be felt. So what that means reading between the lines is that there is more pain. Even if they don't put the rate up anymore, the effects of that are still going to pay out. So there's people out there who are currently feeling okay.

who've got some pain in the mail. Oh, great. Very slowly coming through. Such a good news story. It means that the RBA is working. They're fixing the economy. So the fixed rate loans are ending. So everyone's rates are jumping up dramatically.

And in the next 12 months, all those people who fix their rates at a low rate, they've been avoiding the pain so far. They're not going to be able to anymore. And the great news is that what they're doing is they're causing a whole lot of pain, but then they're not solving things like the rental crisis. So nobody can afford their rent, but also there are still, nothing to rent anyway. No.

Buy a tent. You're going to afford a tent. Yeah. It's a tental croce. It'll turn into a tent crisis. That's a great term. It's a tental crisis. So if I can just quote the existing governing here.

Required mortgage payments are at a record share of household disposable income. Isn't that fantastic? That's great. So that expect, because A&Z every week now texts me reminding me that I'm going to have to pay my mortgage. And that record will rise further as more fixed rate loans expire. So those who've managed to avoid the pay. and so far, don't worry.

Yeah. It's coming. Even the people who are really shrewd and incredibly wise back during the pandemic, we're coming to get you. But yeah, the RBA is doing its job. Well done. RBA, well done. New assistant governor, Christopher Kent.

The entirely tone deaf phone of this speech suggests that the RBA is going to keep doing what it does. Isn't stability a good thing in these times, in these uncertain times? Well, we've only really got Albo to thank for that. Reserve Bank, going to reserve bank. Ben Robert Smith, got a Ben, that's what he does now. He's a professional sewer. The other amazing bit of good news is that Lyle Shelton once again out there on the wrong side of history.

It really feels like we're back under Scommo, aren't we? It's very Scommo-esque. It's nice. It's familiar. It's familiar. It's lovely. He's got a new book coming out. Yeah, about Christianity.

None of this writing your autobiography. Skomo, understandably doesn't want to look back at his life story because there's been some mistakes there. He's just going to write about Jesus. He's going to write about why we should all follow him to the church. I swear he's going to become a motivational speaker. A billion dollars. Who's going to mind? motivate.

People in the opposite direction? How's that going to work? Maybe that's what Lyle Sheldon is scared of. Scott Morrison's on the speaker circuit. And it's the end of Western civilization. They're fleeing Christianity. It's the Skoma effect. It's Scott Morrison the one person who can make Lyle Shelton look like a popular influencer.

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