The Chaser Report - Sorry, this episode is SOLD OUT! | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Andrew Hansen's show is Cheap, but some of the tickets are not. And yet the most expensive of Andrew's tickets are still far from the most expensive ever sold.Oi, buy tickets to Andrew's show here! [ADD THE LINK TO ANDREW'S TICKETS HERE AND CHANGE BODY. DO NOT COPY AND PASTE.] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I'm Charles Firth and with me today is Andrew Hanson. Hello there, yes. There's a nice surprise for you. It's not Dommy. You're here in the good hands of Andrew Henson. So I believe Dom is not here because his youngest child has started going to childcare. So she's constantly sick and vomiting and, you know, got every virus on earth.

Well, this is the thing about childcare, isn't it? It renders parents unable to work. I mean, every parent I know has their kids in childcare so that they can work. Cannot work. They're always at home looking after this incredibly sick child. It completely defeats the purpose of the whole thing. No, no, no. It's good because you get the anti-year.

everybody's out of the way because otherwise you'd have to, you'd spend really a whole lot of time with your kid for the first five years. And then when they get to school, they would be incredibly sick for the first year. Well, you know, this is what, I think this is what guilt-ridden daycare parents say, Charles, but look, I've tried it the other way. I've tried the other method. You're all stay-at-home dad, weren't you? Well, I'll stay-at-home, we're staying-at-home. We're stay-at-home parents. And this method is you go completely broke. And you get the slight upside of spending the kid's childhood with you instead of with some randot. So that on your deathbed one day you think, oh, I had children.

And your kids resent you because you smothered them? Yeah, that's right. They end up with anxiety and they can't look after themselves. But it does mean that when you're on your deathbed, you get some time aligned because your kids don't even visit you. Yeah, it's right. You get a nice own time. Speaking of which, you're on a national tour at the moment, aren't you, Andrew? I'm spending a lot of time away.

Yeah, yeah, I'm in a national tour. Yeah, exactly. Which is nuts. I mean, most comedians I see interviewed say, oh, after I, like Ben Elton, I saw him the other day, says, look, after I had children, I decided not to tour anymore. But I'm the opposite. I had kids, and I thought, bloody hell, I've got to pay for these bloody kids. I'm going to tour my ass off.

You know, not that that's necessarily working because of the bloody, ticketing system. Let me tell you, my God, my Perth show. Yes, Charles. I look, is this going to be a sort of humble brag where it's all about how you just keep selling out and you can't put the price high enough? No, it's not one of those. I'm not one of those comedians who keeps posting sold out tonight, you know, those boast posts that comedians always do. Oh, sold out another show, hurry. I don't like doing that at all. Yeah, I did that a lot in Adelaide because we saw that a lot shows in Adelaide and it just got boring after a while. After a while. It is boring.

It's like Melbourne, our entire Melbourne run was sold out and it was like this is too boring to post. But it is boring. Nobody wants to hear about successful. It creates this sense of scarcity in the buying public and so

they urgently buy your tickets next time they see them available because they go, oh, I missed out the last time. Does it or does it just piss them off? Does it just make them go, there's somebody boasting about this sold-out show. I mean, restaurants don't do this, do they? I've never seen a restaurant posting.

Sold out tonight, no seats available at the restaurant. Don't come. You obviously have never been to Melbourne, Andrew. Is that what they do? Yes, Melbourne's entire economy, service economy is based on not servicing people because they're fully booked. I literally went around Melbourne at the end of last week looking for a fucking beard trim. It's not the most

exclusive service on earth. It's a fucking beard trim. Walk into every barber in Melbourne and say, oh, sorry, we're a appointment only. And they were so pleased to tell you. It was like... And the look of glee in their faces

to be able to go, no, I'm not going to serve you. It was just like power. It was like, oh, you can... Yeah, our next appointment is 3.30 next Tuesday. You're going, what the fuck? You're a barber.

I mean, I love barbers, and they're very talented people, but, like, what? No. It's an industry in Melbourne, though. Beards are different. Yes, of course, it's artisan. They're single origin beards. They are. They're organic beards, and they're crafted, they're handcraft of each beard.

You know, it's not like Sydney where it's a sausage factory of beards. You just go in and get a trim. It's not that simple here. It's sort of like the hungry jacks of beards up here, isn't it? That's right, whereas here it's the single origin roast coffee of beards. Mind you, yeah, we've got the McAfee of beards. The 7-Eleven of Beards. But, you know, I did eventually find a barber who would take me in,

and it is true that it was the slowest beard trim I have ever had. Like, it took literally about an hour and 20 minutes. trim my fucking beard. An hour and 20 minutes, what did he do? And I had a tick check. It was like, oh, fuck, I'll go to tech check at three. Like, I came in at one. Am I going to get to my 3pm tech check?

So, look, that's, that is the difference. You know, you're right. And what were we on about? No, no, but you were talking about you had some problem with your ticket system, which didn't involve. The ticket problem on my tour. Yes, yes. So my Melbourne shows, unlike yours, are not sold out, you know,

because I'm doing so bloody many of them. God, I'm doing a lot of them. I'm doing 22 in the season. That's the mistake. But they finish this Sunday. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Well, we better get to it.

I know. There's only a few left, you know. So what you've got to do at this point, Andrew, is say, oh, and it's called Andrew Hansen is cheap and it's on a trades hall. It's called Andrew Hanson is cheap and it's on a trades hall until this Sunday, the 23rd of April, you see. Rush, hurry, because otherwise it'll be sold out and I'll have to post going, oh, it's sold out.

Oh, I'm so marvellous. I'm so popular. No, what happened in Perth? The ticketing price was off the charts. Because I'm doing Perth on the 5th of May at the Royal Theatre, which is part of Planet Royale. And the thing about Planet Royale is the venue I discovered, that theatre has VIP booths. And so when you looked up my ticket prices for my Perth show, it said, price range, $24,000. to $244.

Oh, fantastic. Hang on, anybody who looks at this page is going to go, no, what? There's no way I'm going to see this show, because the choice is either obviously between a $24 ticket where I'm going to have to sit on a spike in the men's toilets behind a pillar, or for a good seat, it's going to cost me $244 to see some one-man comedy show. And do you give a lap dance for that? Well, I'd have to.

I'd have to give more than a lap dance. I'd have to give some serious. I'd have to give a beard trim, a full beard trim, would have to go into that show. My God. A really slow beard trim. Yes. I mean, who in their right mind? And so then I looked into it and I'm like, oh, oh, 244 bucks is for a VIP booth for four people, right?

So it's still expensive, you know, even per person. It's still like $60. And most of my tickets are not that. You know, it's a comedy show. Well, and also the whole name of your show is cheap. Andrew Hanson is cheap. And then, ironically, I've got these Beyonce priced tickets or something. I mean, who did they think was planning to come, the fucking king?

Was it a king show? It's going to have Marie Antoinette swanning into the bloody Perth theatre or something. Oh, yes, I'll sit in one of the VIP booths. And I said, well, okay, who's bought the VIP booth so far? Yes. Oh, that's good information. No one. Amazingly, no one had done.

decided, you know what, I'm going to make my biggest luxury purchase of the decade, a one-man comedy show in Perth. The Chaser Report, more news, less often. Hey, but I did a bit of look, I looked into like some of the most expensive gig tickets ever sold. Oh yeah, okay. Now, the worst ones ever were for Led Zeppelin in 2007. Oh, yeah. Some young person. Are they still alive?

Were they still alive? Well, no, yeah, I think ironically they were dead at the time, but still charging very high prices. Yeah, yeah. And there was a young guy from Scotland who spent 86,000 pounds on two tickets. What? To be fair, it was sort of a charity thing. You know, it was kind of like, you know, so that kind of excuses it. The thing I can't understand.

Was it an accident? Like, did he click, you know, like, without, you know how? You mean you're excited to buy a ticket and you want to buy it urgently. You don't necessarily look at all the fees and surcharges. And then afterwards you go, what the fuck? That's double what I expected. Well, that's probably what it was. It was probably the convenience fee.

It was probably like a $20 ticket. It was a $24 ticket. Yeah, with an $83,000 pound convenience surcharge or mobile. What is it? Mobile delivery. Yes. It was to deliver it to your mobile phone. That's what it was.

Now, I mean, a lot of them, I've just browsed online. Now, some of these people deserve to have expensive tickets, I reckon. Like Lady Gaga, the Rolling Stones, Beyonce. I mean, that's fine. Beyonce toured in 2013, and the average ticket was over $700 US. But that's got, you know, it's a fuck. It's hurt. I mean, it's Beyonce.

It's kind of like seeing the opera. It's like going to the opera or something, isn't it? You'd sell a kidney to go and see it. Well, you would, you know. Or a kid. Yes. Or a kid. I mean, 700 US.

That's cheap for Beyonce. The thing I find a little harder to swallow is the weekend. We're selling tickets for $1,020. Now, which one's the weekend? You know, they're fine. What do you think, Charles? Would you see the weekend for a thousand? Which one was the weekend?

They're perfectly all right. Find you. Name one song. Oh, I can't because I'm not interested in the weekend. But all I, I wouldn't spend $1,020 bucks. Maybe the problem is that they thought that they were buying tickets to a concert that lasted the entire weekend. So they thought, oh, well, $1,000, you know, that probably... That's good for a weekend show.

Yeah, exactly. They thought it was a festival. It was a whole festival. It goes all weekend. Hey, but this one. This one I cannot stomach. Would you have paid $1,600 US dollars to see Maroon 5? Frunted by Adam Levine, the guy who sends text messages to ladies.

Yes. He sends texts to ladies who are not his wife. And who are a bit younger as well, isn't it? Isn't that the... Well, I don't know the ages. I only remember the text burned into my memory when he texted, why are you

so hourglass, you know, with an emoji of an hourglass to some... The answer to your question, Andrew, is that I would pay $1,700 to not see Maroon 5 with Adam Levine. But I think that we

might just be a problem with us and not, you know, because if you look up Maroon 5 on Spotify, pay which is their top song, has 1.379 billion plays. So the market is spoken. The market has spoken. They've got 55.98 million monthly listeners.

I think that they're sort of in a slightly different category to, say, Andrew Hanson is cheap. In Perth. How would you know? I'm not even on Spotify. Well, have I made a mistake? I mean, you know, hit me up on my Facebook if you think that you would buy a VIP booth to my first show. Yeah, contact Andrew on Instagram. The other way to contact us is through the Apple review, podcast reviews section.

So obviously leave us a five-star review, but then comment on whether you'd pay extra just to see Andrew Hansen in a pre- Is it private VIP booths? Do they get a private show? Well, yes, they're separate from the rabble. There are six of them in the theatre. And, you know, they're well away. So you wouldn't have to breathe in all the germs. There are advantages, for sure.

Do you think they implemented it so that Gina Reinhardt, when she goes to the theatre, takes that booth? And then the rest of the people don't have to breathe her air. You know, that it's actually It goes both ways Yeah, yeah It goes both ways You know

Twiggy Forrest You don't have to chat to him And tell him how great he is Yeah, that's right I'll save you a lot of time Well can I finish this off With a big At the other end of the scale, Charles

Oh yeah, what's the cheapest ticket ever? The cheapest one's going at the moment Free tickets There are 10,000 Free tickets available For a show Can you guess what the show is? It's quite close to my Perth show

My Perth show is on the 5th of May This one's on the 7th of May Is it Rolf Harris? Oh very close Golf Harris show for kids or something? Almost, almost, almost It's the coronation of King Charles Oh really?

Yeah, yeah You can pick up 10,000 free tickets You can't give them away Oh my God To this show I think it's because he's got Maroon 5 performing perhaps one of the only artists who would agree wow gosh okay so we're a bit of you you got to go over to london though well i look if the ticket's free would you would you go would you just

get the ticket and sit at home and not watch you just do something else for the day we should do that i'm going to get a ticket yeah yeah and we can go out to lunch just you and me in in in and not go to the coronation should we get a private booth hey you're on our gear is from Road. We're part of the Iconiclass Network. Get you tomorrow.