The Chaser Report - Special 50th Episode

Episode Date: September 3, 2020

Can you believe it’s been 50 episodes already?! We celebrate by looking at the QAnon conspiracy with Nina, Tony Abbott’s guide to sacrificing old people to pandemics and Dom delivers a smattering of good news in an otherwise bleak and not at all celebratory episode. Plus, Chaser news headlines from Rebecca De Unamuno for the 50th-ish time. 
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In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. This is our special 50th edition of the show. I'm Charles Firth, and we're Mie are Dom Knight and Nina Oyama. Happy birthday.

Hello, happy 50th and happy 50 episodes of the show. Oh, I see what you did there. Yeah, it is absolutely our 50th episode, unless you go and count how many episodes they've been. Don't do that. It's 50. Yeah, so just to explain, for some reason, our publicist got the idea during the week that it was our 50th episode, even though it's definitely not. It's like 21 episodes.

Well, there's the minis. Don't forget the little extra mini things we pump out to try and get more listens to get our job. But if that was the case, then there's... it's actually the 54th episode. Well, there is no universe in which this is the 50th episode. Well, the next one's our 50th episode plus GST. But the whole thing is that what the publicist explained is, if we have this as our 50th episode,

we'll get a whole of extra free publicity and go really big on it. Why don't we make it our 50th episode? Every episode. You know, I'm actually, I've been checking down the Q and on conspiracy theory, and I believe that the 50 episodes is actually fake news. So I'm going to have to boycott. You're boycotting this episode. Well, Dom, what have you got today?

2020 has been full of bummers, so I've got a segment full of nothing but good news. It's going to be a wonderful way to celebrate 50 episodes. Yay. That does sound good. Hey, Nina, I know you're boycotting, but can't you just do something? Okay, I'm going to be talking about Q&ON just a little bit

and sharing with you some fun stories about my best friend who is very into Q&ON. Oh, and speaking of best friends, I'm going to be talking about Tony Abbott. This show's going to be amazing. Keep listening for lots of fun. And now for the 50th time, let's go to Rebecca Day and a minnow in the Chaser Newsroom. I'm going back on my antidepressants.

Australia is officially in recession, according to new figures, released by Josh Frydenberg on Wednesday. Mr. Frydenberg blamed the recession on a multiplicity of factors, all of which are Daniel Andrews' fault. Failed politician Clive Palmer has announced he is suing Clive Palmer for defamation after he made him look like an idiot. Clive Palmer said that Clive Palmer had been going around making him look like an idiot for far too long and so he had issued a cease and desist order against Clive Palmer. Clive Palmer is countersuing Clive Palmer, claiming harassment after he received a cease and desist order from him. New South Wales Premier Gladys Beridiclian has again confirmed her stance to stand firm by changing her mind on measures to reduce the growing community spread of COVID-19 in New South Wales.

She said she had initially wanted to constantly change her mind. on the measures New South Wales was taking, but she had instead changed her mind and decided to stand firm. That's the latest Chaser News. Thanks, Beck. Hey, Bick, Australia's in recession. That's pretty big news.

Yeah, although it doesn't really affect me. Why not? Oh, well, I moved on my wealth offshore years ago. Oh, really? Did you move it to the Cayman Islands? No, I broke up with my boyfriend and he chucked everything I own into the sea. It's all sitting off the shore at Cooggy Beach. It's really annoying.

actually. Oh. The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. Hi, I'm Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook. I'm sponsoring today's episode of The Chaser Report to bring you this important message. Over the past decade, my company has systematically brought the business model of journalism

to its knees. Kind of neat, huh? I've done this by just ripping the news off websites and putting it on my own platform for free. That's also kind of neat. Anyway, now people want me to pay for content I use. That seems kind of unfair. Why should you pay for something just because you use it? It doesn't make any sense. So I'm going to ban news from my platform. That means more content about how Brian, who you'd met once, just ran 12.5 kilometers this morning and less content

about how faceless corporations are undermining the institutions of democracy. So unless you want photos of Annie Arlene's visit to the restaurant last night as the only content you get to consume, please oppose Facebook paying its fair share because paying our fair share is just not fair. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chase of Report. All right, Charles and Nina, now in the past, I guess I've been a little bit bleak

looking at COVID and all the bad things happening in the world. So this week, I want to make it right. Oh, okay. Please rectify this. I have a whole bunch of exclusively good news for a segment I like to call Not a few years for all. Yay.

Why didn't you call it Good News Week? Surely that's the obvious title to this segment. Oh, yeah. That'd be out of copy, right, wouldn't it? All right, let's begin with some cold hard cash. Isn't that the TV show that old people used to watch? That used to be on in like the 80s? Then you've already made it depressing.

I'm sorry. Anyway, let's get to some cold hard cash, the treasurer at Josh Frydenberg. has brought forward his plan tax cuts. So the recovery is going to be great. It's going to be imminent. And we're all going to get money in our pockets, at least if we earn over $50,000.

Well, that's me out. Yeah, this year, that's me out too. Wait a minute. So, what? Wait, this is not good news. This just means the rich get tax cut. The rich get money and nobody else gets money. And also, we won't be able to then afford

any welfare for poor people because the rich will be giving less money. Now, hang on. It is stepped because this government believes in progressive taxation. So if you earn over 50 grand, you get 10,080, 90 to 112, 15. But all the way up to, if you earn between 120 grand and 200 grand, you get $2,565 less tax. Isn't that great?

That's horrible. Yes. I mean, it does make me want to become rich, though. Yeah. Which is very easy to do. So, actually, it is great news. because I'm going to be very inspired by this. Did you have a go?

Because that's the only way where you get a go. But there are some small problems, which is that unemployment is at record levels and that all these tax cuts mean that we'll never pay back all the COVID debt and will have financial ruin for all their days. But tax cuts for rich people. Right. Okay.

Maybe we should move on to the next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is also about cold hard cash. The Australian government has even more to splash. They've announced... Fantastic. I love it when they announce things about cold hard. Yeah, money for Australians, you can't get home from overseas.

So all those Aussies stuck overseas, great news for them. The government's going to pay their daily living expenses to they can finally get on a flight and come home. So they'll pay for accommodation, living expenses, all that stuff. So if you're rich enough to be overseas during this pandemic, you also then get all your daily living expenses paid for by the government. Yeah, and it'll even help you buy a ticket home. Isn't that generous of us?

Yes. It makes me want to leave the country so I can go on a paid holiday. It makes me want to leave the country so I don't have to live under this government that just keeps giving money to rich people. Well, Charles, you say that. But there are just a couple of tiny caveats on this offer. Firstly, you've got to actually get on a flight. There are 350 places a day in Sydney, not much more everywhere else.

So you're never going to come home. Right. Secondly, it's not a gift. It's a loan. And you've got to pay it back before you can get into the country. so you know how you couldn't afford to live overseas, you now can't afford to go home. Well, somehow, you have to make all the money back

in between living overseas and arriving in Australia on the plane. That is literally like indentured servitude. I smell Peter Dutton behind this plan. But this feels like a Peter Dutton special. Is he planning to take away their phones as well? Probably, but what a great way for Australia Post to get new workers.

Right, now look, Melbourne's been doing it tough and I've got some really good news for our Victorian listeners, the most important day of the year for them. It's going ahead, October 24, the AFL grand final, that one day in September. Oh, thank goodness. Thank God I love football. Up the Hawks. And all my friends who live in Melbourne, they're so depressed at the moment.

So it's good that they'll have something to look forward to. Wait, Charles, do you have friends? Just kidding. This is supposed to be a good news segment. Let's not bring up my friend life, okay? This is very good news for a Victorian. The only slight issue is that the AFL grandfinals are now going to be in Brisbane. But other than that, and they can't travel to Queensland.

But other than that, it's awesome for Victoria. So what you're saying is the grandfile... So in actual news, the grandfinal has been stolen from Victorians. That's not good news at all. It's horrible. Yeah, that's like the one thing they live for every year. Yeah. If you want to put a negative spin on it, sure.

It's been stolen by Queensland. But there's more good news for Victorians, right? every year Victorians get the grand final day as a day off public holiday. Fantastic. They're still going to get that. But they don't have jobs. Nobody's got a job in Melbourne.

Yes. But it's not going to be called grand final day. It's going to be called Thank You Day. And it's Victorian's chance to say thank you to your first responders and most importantly, Dan Andrews. And thank you to Queensland for stealing our fucking grand final. It really should be called Fuck You Day. I think it should be called Fuck you, Dan Andrews.

I mean, not the first responders. Thank you, first responders. Look, if you are going to get negative, Nina, we should probably acknowledge that also... That is my nickname, Negative Nina. It is likely that the lockdown will be extended by at least two more weeks, but the grand finals on. How good is that? You shouldn't have called this segment good news. I think you should have called it negative news.

Let's see if I can turn you around on this one. Nature is back. This is such a beautiful story. Nature is back. Yeah, lockdowns all year. What we've seen we've had in Oakland, California, wild turkeys have come back to the streets, not the drink, actual turkeys. In Barcelona, wild boars have been running through the streets. I mean, I don't know if that's such a, that's a good one, but, you know,

aren't they terrifying and also bad? That is true. There's a wild boar on the loose in this studio at the moment, Tom. In Nara, Japan, fuck you just. Dears have been spotted in the streets and in the subway stations. How good is it? You're going on a subway train, and there's a deer right there. Oh, dear.

Moving on. So nature is reclaiming our cities. And that's true. And nowhere. This is terrible news. People will get attacked by wild boars and dears. This is not very good. But they can't go outside anyway.

Now look, I know that sounds negative, but let's go back to Melbourne, where the lockdown and all these other conditions have led to lots of snakes arriving back into the suburbs. Now, look, there is a small problem. Admittedly, the Guardian talked to a snake expert by the name of Raymond Hoza, a name that really inspires confidence. But he says, look, you've got to be aware that nine out of ten of these snakes are deadly, but one in ten of the snakes in your backyard may not kill you in Melbourne.

Well, that's great news. That's great news. That's really good. I mean, if you had a one in ten chance of winning the lottery, I would apply for the lottery. So I'm going to turn this negative into a positive. And it's spring. So everyone's going to be out in the backyard.

They're going to be mowing the lawn. And Raymond warns that means you won't see the deadly snake until it's too late. But rushing to hospital in an ambulance, is a legitimate reason to break the curfew. I think this is good because it will incentivise people to stay at home inside, cowering in fear, rather than going outside. And also, if you're getting rushed to hospital,

maybe you can take a pit stop at the KFC. And it'll be okay, order for 20 mates back home. And if it's outside your area, you might be able to get better coffee than inside your area. That is true. Yeah. And to be fair, if the snakes don't poison you, the water will. So, I look, I wanted to leave things.

on a genuinely positive note. I know it's been a little bit of a roller coaster segment. I wasn't expecting it, but it is 2020. Great news on vaccines. It's absolutely true. So we talked about Russia's bullshit one a few weeks ago. But up to eight or nine vaccines are showing really positive responses. The Oxford one, the Medina one, the Johnson Johnson one, even the UQ one.

Positive as in, really well. Positive as in they work or positive for coronavirus? Positive as people are getting COVID. No, they're actually seen to work. So we're going to have a vaccine. And in fact, Donald Trump's announced that by November, a week before the election, there'll be a vaccine. And so we're all going to be fine. We're going to get out of this.

Isn't that good? I'm just waiting for the butt. You know, I've been jilted too many times, Dom, specifically about five times in the past five minutes. And I'm wary. No, Nina, this is really good. There's going to be a vaccine. It's just that. In Hong Kong this week, we learn that you can definitely get reinfected by COVID whenever new strain comes out.

and lots of new ones are emerging all the time. So the vaccines will save us from the old strained. Oh, right. Isn't that good news? Yeah. That's all I got, guys. I'm going to get a bid now. I'm just depressed.

Yeah, for 2020. I'm going back on my antidepressants. The Chaser report. Less news. Less often. So, Dom and Charles, I don't know if you've heard about Q and on, but it is the internet sensation that is sweeping the nation, unfortunately. Yeah. So what is it? Is it anonymous? No, it's not anonymous. It's nothing to do with anonymous.

Is it more or less scary than Q&A? It is less scary than Q&A. No, it's far more sinister than Q&A, but it's definitely more interesting to watch than Q&A. But what is it? Is it a movement? Is it a person? Yeah, it's a movement of conspiracy theorists. And it's something that people are hearing about just now, really. I feel like. like because it's made the move from 4chan to Facebook quite recently. And luckily for me, someone that I'm very close to is a QAnon believer. So I've been hearing about this stuff from like about the 2016 election. Wow. Yeah.

You can admit it. It's you, isn't it? Yes, it's me. I'm actually Q. I'm the person starting the theories. No, but I like the first time I ever heard about QAnon or QAnon liked conspiracies was when I was having lunch with this person. And they were trying to explain to me that Hillary Clinton would win the 2016 election

because she was doing witchy spirit cooking with Marina Abramovich, who, I don't know if you know. Who was the Russian woman? No, she's a performance artist. Yeah, yeah. So she did the artist's present. And she has like long black hair. And she's kind of creepy looking.

She gets naked a lot. She does get naked a lot. So you guys, I'm sure, would be interested in her for that reason. So, no, hang on. What is spirit cooking? Well, I was going to ask you if you wanted to have a guess at what spirit cooking is or what ingredients are involved in spirit cooking. Is it when I pretend I've cooked to my wife

And really just get takeaway? Is it the liberal use of spirits in cooking? Oh, yes. Like, you know, lots of sherry or something? I don't know. I mean, see, those two things might actually make sense. But no, spirit cooking is when you mix together bodily fluids Such as piss and semen and shit.

And you do a ritual which involves drinking the mixture. Ah, didn't need to know that. I think that you did. this to me is like what QAnon is, it's just this ridiculous, everything that they say is ridiculous. Anyway, I was telling. So Hillary Clinton was what, taking time out from her campaign to drink. To go and drink some peace. Yes.

With Marina Abramovic, who was basically cursing this mixture and hexing it so that Hillary Clinton would win. And I told this person who I was eating like ramen with in a restaurant, I was like, I don't think this is true. And then this person stood up and yelled at me, Hillary Clinton is a pedoph. File witch, and then everyone in the ramen restaurant looked at us like we were both insane. Um, Nina, surely when Hillary Clinton failed to win the 2016 election, some people might have started to think, maybe she's not a witch who can control the world via giz and piss. No, Dom, that's not true.

It's just that she didn't drink enough of it. Oh. Didn't you read the Nate Silver analysis in the wash-up of the 28? Yeah. You had 537 glasses. That's why he got it wrong. QAnon was born in the depths of 4chan, which is like an internet forum,

which is quite difficult to navigate if you're not internet literate. Are you saying if you're in your 40s like us? Yes, if you're either of you too. But now people have moved to Facebook, so it's just everywhere. And basically QAnon conspiracies stem from the idea that the world is run by Satan worshiping pedophiles,

people who are like Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and Tom Hanks. and all those people and the Hollywood elite are part of a child sex trafficking ring and all these rich pedophiles hate President Donald Trump because Donald Trump wants to kill all the pedophiles that is the sole thesis of QAnon. I mean it would sound ridiculously if it wasn't for the fact

that we know that a lot of the world's most influential people were met to Jeffrey Epstein who was a pito. Yes and to my knowledge Donald Trump has written the Lolita Express which is the pedophile plane and gone to the pedophile island plenty of times. But presumably undercover to secretly kill them. Well, that is true. That's what Q&on believers say,

because when that information was exposed, they just assumed that he is actually, you know, infiltrating the ring. So when Donald Trump took all those photos with Ivanka on his knee and looked really creepy, that was part of a long game, wasn't it? Yes, it was a very... And not a grooming long game, another sort.

No, no, no, no. an infiltration long game. Got it. And sorry, can we just go back to the part where Tom Hanks is the leader of this bit of our ring? Because that deserves a little bit of a moment. So you're saying America's favourite friendly face. But he would be.

Yeah, he's the perfect guy. Yes, of course. And there was actually an actor called Isaac Cappy who was exposing Tom Hanks and then he mysteriously died. I can't believe. I've been, ah, I've been fooled.

I'm such a fool. And it's such a mystery. I mean, it's so damning that people would die and seriously in a year of coronavirus being in real way. But, I mean,

have you seen Big? I mean, it's about Tom Hanks, a child turning into a man. Yes. And being with a woman. Is that not normalizing pedophilia? I'm just kidding.

I really don't believe that. And Big is a good movie. And also the movie with the volleyball. He really, really normalized sex with volleyball. So the name Q&ONONON technically started in 2017 when someone named Q Clearance Patriot posted on 4chan and claimed to be a high-ranking intelligence offer with access to Donald Trump's plan to kill all the rich

pedophiles and hold them to justice. And Q claimed the final showdown between Trump and the pedophiles would be called a storm. That's the description that he said and that's going to be very important later. But I just want to say that was in 2017, before 2017 was 2016, which is the conversation Well, that's what they want you to believe. I mean, it probably is Donald Trump. I mean, that does make sense because in all the movies,

it's always the least likely person who saves the world. Like the most lying, dodgy sex best person who for many years went into the change rooms of his young 14-year-old models. Like, he's the one who will save the world. So that's like, I'm actually getting convinced by this. Yeah, he's the Professor Snape of the modern day. Or the real day.

But anyway, basically, in 2016, there was already a really furtive conspiracy movement that started with the Pizza Gate movement, which is kind of linked to what I was saying before about Marina Abramovic and Spirit Cooking and Hillary Clinton. And I don't know if you're familiar with the Pizza Gate movement, but it started with John Podesta's leaked emails to Hillary Clinton, which described pizzas in a weird way,

and a part of the internet thought that the pizzas were code for children. And when Hillary Clinton was ordering 10 cheese pizzas to the office, she was ordering 10 little kids that she could molest. Oh, and I mean, look, when you hack into a camera, campaign email account. I mean, that's what you'd find. Like, no one would ever actually order pizza during a long project that would...

Yeah, so already they have this huge base of PizzaGate. Then Q comes along in 2017 and Q says there's going to be a storm, right? You remember those words, the storm? Yes. And then in the same week, Donald Trump gives a press conference where he takes a picture next to military generals and he says the words, you know what this represents?

The calm before the storm. And then all the people that are following QAnon go, that's that solid evidence that Q and Donald Trump know each other and are working together and are linked. I mean, the genius of this is using words that people say all the time for instance reasons. I mean, pizza and Storm, when have they ever used in normal conversation? I've never used the word Storm in my life. I've refrained from it.

They must have really lost it when they found out that Trump had sex was Tommy Daniels. Oh, yeah, that was the nail in the coffin. Was it all a signal? The other thing is Q's messages. They're called Q drops and they're written. in a very cryptic code, which is very hard to decipher. So people can kind of like read the code and imprint their own version of what the code means.

Like Nostradamus. Yes, and usually that is something to do with Trump killing all the pedophiles. And once you like, inverted commas, learn the code, it's basically like taking the red pill in the matrix. So this whole world of pedophilia and satanic rituals and Hollywood elites opens up. I mean, certainly it makes me,

I think of the Bureau of Meteorology in a very different way. All the storm warnings. But hang on, he's had four years in the White House. Yes. Why is Hillary Clinton still alive? I mean, Jeffrey Epstein died, which is something my friend talked to me about. When he died, that was evidence. Was that evidence of what?

What was that evidence? Evidence that Trump is killing all the pedophiles. And then when he said to Chile. He's only going to get one. By that logic, there's just one. Yeah, but also back to that logic. And the one who knew everyone who could actually tell. testify and get everyone else convicted?

Yeah, according to QAnon, like, that, that's like a threat to the pedophiles to be like, stop. And when he was saying to Jelaine, what did he say? I wish you well. To knock off the guy who could testify against you is a threat to the pedophile. How do they explain the bit with Donald Trump literally said to Epstein's like, best mate, I wish you well, literally like consoling a pedophile enabler? So QAnon believes that that was like a sinister like, I wish you well.

Or like a mafia boss. Yeah, like a mafia boss would say. I wish you well. Yes, but it actually means I don't wish you well and I hope that you have a bad time. Well, I'm relieved one of those people just collected to the US Congress. Yeah. But a lot of people believe part of the reason Q&N is so popular is because it is kind of like a game. Like once you learn the code, it's kind of you get hints and there's different players

and there's different elements that you need to kind of like unscrabble like a puzzle. And so I think, like, in reaction to that, to me, like, we have to gamify the truth. You know, don't you think we should, we have to find a way to gamify positive things. Ah, interesting. So what's the code for us? What would the, what's the key word that, you know, our leaders have to say to sort of unlock the truth? Science, I think, is to learn and facts. Yeah, and what, and the game is you gather a whole lot of.

empirical evidence and then run it through a data set and then come out with scientifically valid conclusions. Which I think we kind of already are doing. So maybe my theory doesn't work. But QAnon is grown heaps because since people have been in lockdown, like already on Facebook, there were hundreds of thousands of QAnon groups and Twitter accounts with like hundreds of thousands of followers. But since the world has gone into lockdown, those groups have grown by 600% in membership.

Right. And is this, so making the leap from 4chan, which no one knows how to use properly, to Facebook is like, that's the genius supercharge, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, that means. It's like going from triple J to Nova 969. Wow. Wow. It's surely you just, I don't know. I don't know if that is really mean. That's mean to both of those channels. But it really is like you get a much bigger platform on Facebook and there is this kind of like. And there's more dumb people on Facebook. Yes, there's more baby boomers on Facebook.

But anyway, that leads me to my next question, because this is, Q&N is something that it, just their followers of Q&N basically believe Donald Trump is innocent and no matter what he does. Like he has mishandled the coronavirus. He's basically incited and encouraged a race war in the USA. But because people have this secret belief that he's trying to kill all the pedophiles, no one actually cares about the facts that what Donald Trump is doing is bad. So this is my next question, is starting a global conspiracy that everyone hates you is a

pedophile the best way to stay in power. Well, let's see. They speak in code. They believe in an unlikely impossible saviour. And they're everywhere. I mean, they're basically the New Catholic Church. The Chaser Report.

More news. Less often. This episode is brought to you by me, Mark Zuckerberg. Remember, if I don't get my way, your Facebook feed is going to be full of Make Australia Great Again memes from that racist uncle you barely know. So please oppose Facebook paying its fair share Because paying our fair share is just not fair

The Chaser report News you know you can't trust Now about a week ago guys Tony Abbott did you see this? He was appointed the trade envoy to Brexit in Britain Yes, best news that Australia's trade department ever got We've got rid of him He's now Britain's problem

As a result, we were brainstorming what to do about this yesterday and one idea was that we should find out whether sales of onions in Britain have increased as a result of that. So I reached out to British onions, which is honestly an organisation. It's the peak body of onion growers in Great Britain and I asked them for a comment to find out whether there has been a massive spike in the sales of onions since he's become trade.

But they haven't got back to me yet. But, you know, that's a hot topic. There'll be more to come on that. Yeah, but I'm looking for a spokesperson for a British audience. I've asked for a spokesperson to come on to the show. Excellent. I'm not convinced this as a real company. I just feel like it's someone.

No, no, it's true. It's honestly true. Pauline from British Indians. Sounds fake. Pauline. Pauline's for name. Anyway, so. Tony Abbott's over in London and during the week he thought it'd be a great idea

to go and address a London think tank called Policy Exchange about his view of what he would have done about the coronavirus. Right. So if he was still Prime Minister, you think things might be different. It's sort of like what I would do. Would he speak? What do you have shirtfronted the coronavirus? That's true.

Oh, I'd forgotten that. He's so embarrassing. Why is he always so embarrassing? I mean, when I think back on Tony Abbott, I just, what I remember is just absolute cruelty tinged with knighthoods and the under the low along the way. So he starts out by talking about the glory days back when he was health minister under John Howard

and what he had prepared in the case there was a pandemic when he was health minister. I certainly envisaged the compulsory wearing of masks on public transport and the temporary closure of places where large crowds were in close contact, like theatres, concerts and nightclubs. But not for a moment did I ever contemplate ordering people to stay home. Exactly. So what he's saying is the lockdown is bad.

Like he would never have allowed the lockdown under this pandemic. So he wouldn't do the stuff that we now know definitely works. Yes. And in the pandemic that he imagined that doesn't exist, he would have done a whole lot of other things, but that definitely wouldn't have happened. Right. So he's for liberty, basically.

This is a guy. But he is for mask wearing, which is... Yeah, which is quite a step in the right direction. Well, he loves uniforms, so, you know, fair enough. So, and this is what he... Probably because they hide his creepy smile. And this is what he reckons should have happened under his magical pandemic.

People should get on with their lives. even in the presence of death. Hey? Whoa. Does that sound a bit creepy to you? Is that a bit weird? Get on with our lives. It sounds very Catholic priest to me.

Like, death's coming for you. May I as well muck around. We're going to die pretty soon anyway. Come to church. So he's saying YOLO. Well, what he's saying? You're saying you only live once YOLO. Yeah.

And what he's saying, what he's actually saying is that, you know, there are more important things than just the sanctity of life. You know, there is an economy to look after that, you know, you have to sort of get on with life, even in the presence of death. It's basically... I assume knowing Tony Abbott, this applies to COVID and not say abortion law. Well, exactly. Indeed, yes.

But I understand that, you know, I think it's important that we sort of take him at his word and actually, you know, listen to his thinking behind this. Whole societies will lock down, essentially to protect the elderly. Yeah, see, see, this is crazy thinking. You know, we've locked down a whole society. simply because grandma might die. Hang on, how old is Tony Abbott, though? Surely he's encroaching 60, right?

Like, he's not far off. Maybe it's just a death wish. But he's talking about sort of 80 and 90-year-olds. He's saying, look, come on. Really? Do we have to shut down everything just because grandma's going to die? To be fair, it was reported in the news recently

that at the posh Australian club in Sydney, Tony Abbott had lunch with George Pell and Alan Jones, and I kind of understand how doing that would make you think, yeah, we could probably do with a lot more dead old people. But he says the result of this sort of, you know, just aiming for the sanctity of life above all else has resulted in this. The aim in most countries is still to preserve almost every life at almost any cost. Yeah, so it's a real hard truth. It essentially we shouldn't be doing that.

We should be balancing other things against the sanctity of life. Yes, because money matters more than people. Yes, and in fact, he's actually crunched the numbers. on that. Oh, wow. Still works out at about $2 million per life saved. And if the average age of those who would have died is 80,

even with roughly 10 years of expected life left, that's still $200,000 per quality life year or substantially beyond what governments are usually prepared to pay for life-saving drugs. I mean, is that... Is he saying if I kill a old

person, I can get $200,000? I think he's exactly something. Well, no, I think, I mean, do you mean... Hide your grandmas, everybody. 200 grand a year. Is that too much to pay? I mean, this does remind me of the first added budget when he was prime minister when basically they came out and said, if you're not doing well, suck shit.

I mean, that's pretty consistent. Dom, is your parents worth sort of... I mean, they're still in their 60s. So that means they're worth a lot more money. That means our parents are the same age. Yeah. That's wild. Like we are.

Well, my parents are in this late 70s now, and I reckon $200 grand is very expensive. I mean, I think we should really be balancing everything else against this. Do all people really cost, like have a high cost of living, though? Because I feel like they eat less. They probably like don't drive as much. I feel like they would. No, but he's saying we're spending $200,000 to save these people. Oh, yeah.

And that we just should, his solution is we should basically, well, let's play his solution. Every life is precious and every death is sad But that's never stopped families Sometimes electing to make elderly relatives As comfortable as possible while nature takes its course It's just let nature take its course He's basically suggesting that he's euthanising these people with coronavirus Yes, he's basically arguing for death on demand

Like it's injury, you've got coronavirus Oh well, off you go Let God knock them all off I mean I must say admire Tony's willingness to take one for the team. I hope that if he gets COVID, he's not going to have any treatment. What I want to do is I want to now bring in somebody else who actually believes in the sanctity of life above everything else.

It's a guy called Tony Abbott speaking last year about the abortion bill in New South Wales. We've also abandoned certain things which used to be anchor points. For instance, just to take one, I mean, respect for human life. Now, I don't want, I don't want to get. You said that was last year, but as we know, in 2020 length of time, that was 10 years ago. Yeah, that's true.

So many things have changed over time. Just think, I mean, how much public money is going to get spent on that, you know, baby that gets aborted and millions and millions of dollars we could be saving, Tony. Well, that is his argument. We should just abort away. In fact, we should probably set up. some sort of death on demand thing, shouldn't we? Death on demand.

This is, this is morally shocking. Morally shocking. Wait a minute, but what about... Hang on. But won't a baby cost more to keep alive than an old person? Like, surely you can't be pro-abortion and pro-killing old people. Yeah, well, so do you think it's hypocritical that Tony Abbott is taking these two different positions? Do you think that they can't be

reconciled? I think they're consistent. It's basically saying don't get involved in any way, don't do anything, don't help anyone, which is exactly what he was like as Prime Minister. I know he's not health minister anymore, but is there any way he was involved in the nursing home cases in Victoria somehow?

Yeah, that's right. He's actually been going around spreading it to just save a bit of money knocking all the old people off. Look, look, I'll cut to the chase, though, because you know, there was a lot of sort of interesting things to process in the thing. But the reason why I wanted to play a year his speech is because he actually then ends up

devolving into essentially saying that there's a whole conspiracy going on about this public health crisis. And the Premier now wants to extend this health dictatorship for at least another six months. Right. So health dictatorship. Whoa, strong words. Do you know where those words come from? Health dictatorship.

Health dictatorship. Where? Q and on. It's a Q&O mean. It is. So part of Q&ON as well is they called the pandemic, the planemic. The planemic. Yeah.

And locking people up is actually a way for companies to somehow make billions and billions of dollars, the Hollywood elite. And so later on in that speech, he got asked by a Scottish MP whether he was aware that he was using all this Q&ONR rhetoric in his speech. And Tony Abbott said that he was not. not aware of the existence of Q and on. That's what he would say. That's what he would say. He was Q! He's Q!

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Amazingly, people are actually doing that. I know. And some of them even used the code word, which was bananas last time. So this time, the code word is Nina is Q. Is Q? I thought you said is cute. And I was like, oh, stuff it.

I wouldn't mind that. But unfortunately, I am Q. I am Q. Tony is Q. We're all Q in our. own special way. Before we go, did you see this week Australia Post executives are getting seven million dollars worth of bonuses? Yes. And they're actually asking employees to work for free on the weekends so they can clear their backlog of parcels. Oh my God. That's ridiculous.

They pay them the big bucks. Well, they're actually put out an ad asking for it. Let's give it a listen. The coronavirus pandemic has affected the whole world, but no one has been hurt as badly as the hardworking executives at Australia Post. In 2019, the CEO of Australia Post went to work every day and only received a measly salary of $2.5 million. And now, in 2020, Australia Post executives are tragically being asked to forego their already modest bonuses of up to $600,000. No one should be asked to forego a self-go. No one should be asked to forego a $600,000 bonus, especially during a pandemic. Adding to their plight, Australia Post in Melbourne is struggling due to overwhelming

demand and there is not enough staff on the ground to process and deliver parcels. If only there were something the executives could do to help, but they can't, but you can. This Father's Day, spare a thought for the less fortunate and volunteer for Australia Post. can help out the executives by driving and delivering parcels and not getting paid. Find the compassion in your heart to work for free for millionaires. Australia Post