The Chaser Report - State Mandated Funerals | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: November 15, 2021

In this special Afternoon Edition the team talks to Chaser royalty Andrew Hansen. This wonderful chat features genuine emotion as Gabbi shares a cover of an old song of Andrew's, but thankfully devolves into classic Chaser shenanigans as Andrew ponders what it takes to deserve a state funeral. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to an afternoon in addition to The Chaser Report, where we catch up with our dear friend and the man with whom we started this podcasting venture about, what, 18 months ago at the start of the pandemic. So about a million years ago, Andrew Hansen, welcome back. Yeah, it's just horrible to be here. This is just terrible. I'm so sorry you finally had time to join us. You've been busy.

Well, I know, and then, you know, I just ran out of good reasons. not to be here. My life started to fail, so as a last resort, I've turned to podcasting again. Well, we noticed a few months ago that you actually started selling appearances on cameo. Yes, that's true. That sort of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, little messages, a little cheerio message. You can hire me.

You know, I haven't joined Cameo yet, but there's about four or five of these things. And so I'm on this one called Memo. It's great because you guys are not there. So I can just be nice to people. Because we were thinking maybe we could just buy. How much would it cost to buy you to send us a message? Oh, special price for you. It's quadruple.

I actually got to my great surprise. I got a message from the memo people saying you want to sign up. And I thought, how do you know who I am and yet not know that no one will ever pay for a credit? Like, what a waste of a direct message. Oh, dummy, as long as you've blocked the camera, you might sell a few. I could just go, That's Craig. Because when Cameo came out, I tried to sign up.

That's right. On our radio show. And they rejected me because they didn't know who I was. At one point, we got Sir Mixalot to record a wedding greeting for our friend Richie. Every karaoke he does, baby got back. And so we got Sir Mixalot. to say never perform that song again and then the pandemic happened and he couldn't so it worked Jesus who's so mix a lot is what all the listeners are saying yeah that's not true

Gabby knows we know who so mix a lot is baby got baby got explain can you explain some mix a lot yeah wasn't he a one hit one though he did baby got back I think it's one at best yeah like I think he had more than one everyone knows the rest I like big butts and I cannot lie and the rest of it writes itself you are the brothers can't deny well So can I just ask, is it going well? Is that service going? Like, do people actually ask you to...

Did Charles miss out or any comes on? Wish them. Wish them. Happy birthday or whatever. Like, what? Who would do that? I know. I was equally astonished. Now, I only joined up, again, because Domney, I had the same experience,

somebody said, oh, you know, do you want to join this thing? You know, and I said, okay, why not? You know, what do I have to lose other than my dignity and credibility? And so... And that, you don't have them anyway, though. No, no, they were lost years ago. So I said, yeah, no, I'm actually having a great time doing this thing because, you know, you've got a camera pointed at you,

and they don't get a right of reply. You know, if somebody asks for a message, you can be as rude as you like to this person, you can say anything you want, and they can't talk back to you because it's just a video that goes to them. You get people requesting the eulogy song for somebody's funeral? Oh, surely. Yes, I do get a lot of song requests, and I'm like, oh,

Which is tough, because it's like, you know, I know you're paying for a message, but, you know, there's a difference between just saying, hello, how you're going, man, nice to see you, and writing a fucking masterpiece of the song. Yeah, that's like $6,000, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like there'd be a bit of a fee difference. So I've had to explain to a few people, you know, oh, I kind of reserve that for, you know. But isn't that how, hey, Jude was written? I think Paul McCartney was asked by Jude to write one for a few. Fiver. Yeah, no, that's how all Beatles songs were in.

They were just requests. Tell you what, Sergeant Pepper was severely, severely underwhelmed. Yeah. I miss your songs, actually, Andrew. Because you were doing your live show, and I was going to go and see you, and you still haven't been able to get back out

and actually, because you were dusting off the chase of songbook, weren't you? Well, a couple of them. Yeah, I was doing the stupid thing that all comedians try and do, which is tour. You're trying that, aren't you?

Gabby, how's it going for you? Well, I've been doing comedy for a year and a half and I still haven't done my live show. A year and a half, that's exactly when the pandemic started. Did you choose your life, you started your live comedy career literally when it became impossible to do live comedy. Yeah, I know. My parents were very worried for a little while there. But yeah, but I'm not a fake fan. I was lucky enough to see your show in Melbourne.

So I guess you could just say that. I know you've got like 25 years of history and experience with these two, but I'm clearly the best one, right? I know you're the only one who bothered to come and say. see the bloody live show. Well, I started to optimistically write a new one thinking that there might be like two or three days in the next five years to do a bloody live show. Because I plugged it on radio

and we were joking about, oh, you probably have to cancel it. And then whoops. Yeah. No. And also, in fairness to me, I actually booked tickets and came down, I booked airplane tickets, came down to Melbourne to see your show, and I just selected the wrong weekend.

That's why I couldn't see it because it was on the next week in. That is the worst excuse ever. He cared, but just not enough to do the correct time. Now, Andrew, I don't know if you've been listening to the podcast. I suspect you haven't, but one of the best episodes we've done was the time when we made Gabby watch the whole of uni and she got about 10 clips out of it. And it is so funny.

I don't know if you recall, because Andrew is the other star of this series from the late 90s on the ABC. see, but the Charles clips have stood the test of time so well. Gabi, what was your favourite? I mean, there were so many moments that I just thought, for your career purposes, I chose not to include in a public setting. Because I was like, this might ruin them, but there were times, like, I love the point where you, my favorite thing about this is after talking to people like

Rebecca Dayuna and a bunch of other people that were actually there, when you went on like the beach house work trip to like write this show. and clearly looking at the clips back, it was you and Andrew stuck in a fucking office somewhere trying to write this show and everyone else just seemed to be getting on the beers. And I was like, this is what I would do. If I was invited to a work meeting in a beach house,

I'd fuck off the meeting. I'm not doing that. And then, yeah, like, you guys just riffing the same way that you do kind of now is just really funny. But also Charles saying that he's just going to take advantage of the fact that he's a white man with a dad who knows his lecturer to get off his assignment was also quite funny. Gabby, what tips did you get from Andrew about how to be a young singer-songwriter?

Oh, I mean. Yeah, don't do it that way. I mean, no, I was actually genuinely quite, I don't know, like quite bewildered as to how good your lyricism was at like 20. We would have been like 21, 22, right? Well, it was all plagiarized, Gabby. Oh, no, no, I really don't think so. Like, I was listening to her going, fuck, if I was 22, I couldn't have written this. But one of the songs that I heard actually really, um, struck.

me a bit and I hope you don't mind but I sort of learnt it and I sort of I what are you talking about I made a version of it we're kidding me which no I'm not kidding it's called genitalia love song no well at the time I thought it was called what the hell of these young people for because I only saw the part that they showed in the documentary but then since I've talked to these two and they sent me the full version and I listen to it I love that song how do you have the full version Well, that was because I was trying to be in a band. No, but it was amazing.

I loved it. Thanks, Gabby. You're very kind to pretend that while I'm here, that's amazing. I guess tomorrow on the podcast you'll be going. No, no, no. He thought I really meant it was amazing. I just think what was good about it was, I mean, I'm only 25 now. And listening to it as a 25-year-old in 2021, the lyrics are still completely resonant.

Like, I feel like the story you told was told in a way that I kind of got it immediately. Like, I just feel like I understood. A song about whinging is sort of a big whinge about how annoying it is to be young, right? Yeah. That never changes. Young people are always winging. It turns out it's also annoying to be in your mid-40s. But Gabby has actually got a version that, you know, we could play.

Oh, Gabby, this is devastating, really? The cover version of a failed song. I'm so interesting. Well, it's nothing like having a song, nothing like having a song fail twice is like. Yeah. It's kind of like a version for some. Songs that you don't know and love. We should start that segment.

Hey, it is. Let's have a listen. I recognise this. This is better than mine On King Street they're closing the cafes or two We're at the mall But with nothing to do My head's gonna burst into the post-modern blue

I don't know what that means But then neither do you Don't know what that means but then neither do you. Tomorrow I'll be 30 years old. If my body is for sale, then it's sold. It's been carved out in six-carried gold. Oh, that I need is my skeleton attitude.

I only believe what I'm told I only believe what I'm told I only believe what I'm told In the terrace house Kids are all stretched on the floor He's picking at the carpet And she's studying law They don't have free love

And they don't have a word Well, what the hell are these young people for? Well, what the hell are these young people for? I can't whistle. Oh yeah, I should have done this book. I remember you practicing your whistle for hours, Andrew. Shush. In the back room, ever cross.

Don't interrupt Gabby's whistle. It's so bad. Charles has been mimming the words during this. It's very sweet, really. I remember the lyrics. Oh, that's terrible. Honestly, Gabby, that is really special to hear that done properly. It was a fucking good song.

It's a really, really good song. And then I was so glad to hear the full version. Because the bridge of that, I wish I'd heard the full version before I made that, because the bridge of that song slapped. I was like, damn! But yes, I think there is, yeah, you have such an incredible lyric head. That was a beautiful, that was honestly, that was a beautiful version. Much, much nicer than mine.

I think if I'd only had you there at the time, then it probably would have got airplay. Eight months old. I really don't think I would have been a news. Did she even exist when you wrote that song? Probably not. Eight months old. Well, it would have been cute. Tomorrow I'll be eight and a half months old, you know.

Well, what the hell are these babies for you? my bodies for sale, then that's probably a child slavery. I listened back to it and realized that Simon Tage cut out the fairly dark third verse for the Uni TV show. But no, I mean... There were loads of really beautiful songs.

Well, that's amazing. You know, yeah, because you know, back then, yes, you know, we were trying desperately to make it as a band called The Fantastic Leslie. And then I did one gig with Domi. We were in a band. Yes, for one night with Tom Gleason on drums. It was the highlight of my live performing career in a band called Mending for one night. We played that song, Skelet and Attitude.

Tell me there's footage of that. No, no, I don't think so. I learned all of the Hanson bass lines for one gig. That's incredible. Then we all decided comedy was a better path to go down. It was much better. Can you imagine me and Tom playing? Because we used to play that song at every gig pretty much.

Tom Gleason on drums and me singing that. Just to bring everyone down. Well, exactly, yeah, yeah, you know, it worked. Nobody, everybody walked out. so we'll just start telling jokes instead. Yeah, there were a lot of other sincere heartbreaking songs that never saw the light of day. And look, maybe Gabby will do more hands and colors.

I've straight up learnt all of them from the Unitson. I can't wait for to hear more of these. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard? When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they want. will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer.

So download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. I guess your best-known number, Hansen, is the eulogy song, which one of these days, I don't know who in the chase is going to die first, but if it's you, that's definitely getting played at your funeral. Can I sign up for that job?

Yeah, Gabby Actually Gabby should play at every chase of funeral I think I think every chase of funeral should be like, Who the fuck is this? It's what we would have wanted. Why aren't she so rude about him? But you've been taking a look at the world of memorial services recently

haven't you? You're continuing your interest in... I like your segue, Dom, because this is the stuff that he came on to talk about. Yeah, and I was making it look seamless and then he went, oh, seams. Well, I did because death is all around. us now. It's quite fascinating. And of course

poor Bert, you know, left us. Of course. This is what really interested me is that Bert Newton who, it was lovely, lovely to me on the very one and only time I met him. And everyone's chiming in. Oh, I met him once. He was really nice to me. He was great or whatever. But he's going to get a state funeral. He's getting a state funeral. He's getting a state funeral.

But why? Like, I mean, I love you know, Bert and everything like that. But he doesn't seem like, I thought you only gave state funerals to sort of politicians and bureaucrats, don't you? Well, you're kind of right, Charles. I sort of looked into this, but did my own research on state funerals. And yeah, for some reason, like, you know, politicians automatically get one, apparently, even though they cost quite a lot of money.

But there's a type of person, isn't there? I mean, Bert's not the only way. You've got to admit, there is a type of person who you look at them and you go, yeah, they're going to get a state funeral, don't you? Yeah, I bet I'm surprised it was, because I mean, he wasn't really. really the Don Bradman of the entertainment industry. Yes, he was. He was around for an extremely long time, very, very good at it.

And towards the end of his life, he started to get a bit controversial and problematic. Like that exactly is Don Bradford. And he also practised his comedy by hitting a microphone with a wicket stick. Exactly. But he was the off-side. He was never the front man. He was always the sort of...

Have you not seen Good Morning Australia? He's the star of Good Morning Australia. Did you not go on it? We were overseas. Even I went on it like twice. I don't even know how. Which goes to show that... No, the only time I ever met her was when we were getting a loggie from him.

Oh, well, you didn't meet him then. You don't recall that at all. Yeah, no, no. You don't recall anything from the loggies. A bit of a quiz question for you then. Oh, yes. I mean, do you want to stop at the start, Gabby? Who do you think was given Australia's first ever state funeral?

Well, I mean, I don't really see this person much anymore, but I do assume that when they left this world, God, they were given a big state funeral. Humphrey B. Bear. Is incorrect and not even close. Damn. I don't think they'd give them to fictitious. Oh, well, that puts aside half my material. You'd assume that it would happen at least a couple of hundred years before Humphrey B.

Bear, wouldn't you? My guess is to Henry Parks, because I've been reading the new David Hunt book, and he had nine children, I think, by six different women. So so many children that they would have had to insist on a state funeral. Like they would have the numbers, wouldn't they? Did he have, is that what he heard? That's Joyce-esque, isn't it? Yeah, he loves shagging.

That's amazing. Henry Parks is incorrect, Domi. It was not Henry Parks, no matter how many children he had. Can I just ask a clarification, which is, are we calling Australia, you know, the colony of New South Wales? Is that Australia? Is it pre- or post-Federation? It's a pre- or post-Federation, because Parks, I think, died before Federation, so he would never

have been able to get a state funeral. Well, suddenly someone knows their history. Yeah, you're getting very technical about this, Charles. This is supposed to be an entertainment podcast. Okay, well... A podcast about Federation. All right, just guess an Australian and Aussie, I don't know. Well, it's going to have to be Edmund Barton, surely,

because he's the first of everything. That's the answer to all those. Oh, I see. No, I see what you're saying now. No, no, there were state funerals before Barton. The first one was actually in 1863, quite a bit before. And it was for two guys by the name of Bergen's. Burk and Wills.

Oh, Birken Wills. Really? Yeah, they got... But what did they fail? What did they bury? Did they find them? Apparently, they got their remains. They found the sort of dried up remains, added water, and buried them.

Yeah, like you do when you go to Bunning's nursery section. Oh, we are so cancelled. We're not getting state funerals now. Yeah, oh, did you hear what they said about Berkeley Wills? That's outrageous! Too soon! Too soon! Yeah, they would...

Totally have given you one otherwise, dummy. Yeah. Well, I mean, to be fair, to be fair. Come on, Dom is the Burt Newton of the chaser. Michael, Michael Giddinsky got one. Admittedly, my contribution to culture is about, you know, 0.000,0001% of his. But was that at all controversial in Melbourne, Gidinski? I mean, just someone who's very good at business.

Everyone was behind that. Everyone. It didn't matter what your politics. Just everyone adored him here in Melbourne. We know a lot of people who went. Yeah. No, the vibe was very positive, and they felt that he knew. I don't know if they did for Michael what they did for Burke and Wills, though,

which was that they actually displayed the remains for a fortnight. I don't think, I don't know, well, maybe Burt's going to get that. I don't know, maybe they'll prop him up on the set of Good Morning Australia for two weeks. I'm not sure what they're going to do. Oh, I think we should push for that. Presumably it's still in motion. I have a question, though, because if Burt's getting a state funeral, is great, did Graham Kennedy get one? Oh, I don't know.

We'd have to Google that. That's a good question. Wait a minute. Is he dead? Yeah, he died a while ago. Is he dead? Is he dead? Oh no, they've just planned it.

Yeah. No, no, he's just on Twitter, Charles. I better get a state funeral. Just podcasting like you. Of course he's dead. The great podcast in the same. How did he die? That's really sad.

2005, it was a big event in Middegong, but I don't know if it was a state funeral. Breaking news listeners, Graham Kennedy's dead. You've heard it here at first. We're starting to prepare the state funeral for Charles Firth after he's killed as a lot of the second. Do you think it was fair, Gabby, that Graham Kennedy got a state funeral? Oh, yeah? I'm a big fan of team in for one, in for many.

If Charles gets a state funeral, I want one. I don't even want one. What about these? Let me run you through a few then. Okay. A few celebrities have had them, right? Oh, right. Yep.

And maybe you can say whether you think it's fair enough. Yeah. What about Dame Jones Sutherland? Oh, well, you know, she's got a dame in front of her, I feel like. Yeah. Is that fair enough, the Bery and opera singer? I mean, I'm not sure what the comedy angle is. I'm fine.

I don't have any issues with Dame Joan. No, that's all right. I reckon that's all right. That's fine, isn't it? Like, I kind of think that makes sense. Yeah, that's what they're for? You would give a state funeral to somebody like that, I think. What about Bud Tingwell?

Did he really? No, he didn't. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he did. The actor who's in everything. No. No. That was wrong.

Just for Charlie the Wonder Dog on the late show. I'd give him a state funeral. I think the reason why he had such a revival was because of the D-generation. They were sort of taking the piss out of him, wasn't he? No. Am I at risk of being cancelled too? Yes, yes.

Been cancelled three times in this one segment. Don't disbud, whatever you do. No, I think that makes sense. That makes total sense. All right, let's move to the great Ted Whitten. What do you think, Gabby? Does Ted Whitten deserve a state funeral? Oh, sure.

I know who that is. Do you know who that is? What did he do? He's a champion crocheter. Don't diss the state funeral people. Are you glad Andrew brought this to the table today, Gabby? I feel like I'm sitting the fucking HSC again. I feel like every single thing Andrew asks is just an opportunity to destroy what little remains of our careers.

All right. Was this person deserving of a state funeral? Bart Cummings, the race. horse trainer. Yes, definitely. Yeah. Sure. Why?

Oh, you've never heard of. You've never heard of Bart Cummings. He, like, literally, he owned all those horses that then got whipped. Yes, the king of cups. The king of cups and the king of eyebrows. Yeah. Oh. He had 12 Melbourne Cup winners, Gabby.

Why didn't the horses, whatever the horses, they should have, I feel the horses should have had the state funerals. Yeah. More than Barr. I mean, they won. Yeah. See, the state funeral should have been held. but it should have been really fast

because they just race to the Gothen. Yes. We're never on firm a comedy ground, are we, though? We're talking about dead people. They're all technically buried on the track, though, aren't they? So I suppose they are all given state funerals. They're all killed by the Victorian racing. Yeah.

It's all the Republic. State mandated. Charles, you mentioned a car crash earlier. Peter Brock was given a state funeral. Yes. Absolutely. Is it really? Absolutely.

I'm fucking from Bathurst. If I said no, I'd be shived. Oh, you would? Were you there? Did you attend the funeral? No, no. Well, no. I was like 10.

But our radio station in Bathurst is called B-Rock. That's not a joke. No. Yeah, it is. It's called B-Row. It's named after Peter B-Rock. Well, I think it was like a double entendre because it's like Bathurst Rock and then B-Rock. And it spells Brock.

Classic. They love that one. Why did you leave that wonderful cat? I know, I should go back, honestly. So, yeah, absolutely. State funeral warranted. I mean, this may be sacrilege, but didn't Peter Brock turn into a total cock just before his death?

Wasn't he? It's the kind of thing you ought to be sure about before raising, I think. God, it would be great if there was a song that outlined who was a cock before they died. I just can't think of one. No, no, we'll have to do some more research on that. One more for you. Now, this person was offered a state funeral. Okay.

Steve Irwin. Yes. Does that seem fair? Yeah. Let's not even. If you're judging by, can you remember where you were when you heard Stephen Owen died? I have very vivid, like...

I remember where I was to. Oh, where were you? I was in my bedroom writing my public school speech. You know how they do those public speaking competitions? Did you have an addendum? I had my first moment of, I could cheat my way to win this. I didn't really care for Steve Irwin all that much at all. I mean, aside from the fact that I was like,

oh, he's a dude who wrestles crocodiles, that's pretty cool. Did not care. Heard he died. And you know what my 10-year-old brain did? This will win. This will win. And I wrote, this is true. I wrote a speech all about his life.

And at the end, I was like, he was my hero. No, he wasn't. And I won. I won a $20 cash prize for that. Recount. Let's go back. But hang on, it's a state funeral. His state was Queensland.

You can't get more Queensland than the Crocodile Hunter. Of course he gets a state funeral. Yeah. I feel it's okay. I feel he. should have. But you know what? He never actually got one because the family said no.

Oh. Hmm. Yeah. If I had one at the Crocosium, which is probably more fitting. The crock-on, what's the Crocassium? That's a real thing. The place where he performed was the Crocosium, I'm pretty sure. Is that what it's called? Oh, my God. Do you research, Hansen? All right. Well, there you go.

Wait, hot on. Was it also called the Crocatorium, though? Oh. Oh, it's not too soon, is it? 2006. You can call a crematorium a crocatorium. You have offended all of Steve Irwin's family, Gabby there, and the family of the Stingray. They're all going to complain about that. Hanson, there's a name I've been waiting for on the list.

Was that your last one? Well, we can do another E, because Richie Benno was offered a estate funeral. Now, what do you think of Richie Benner? Do you think he kind of deserved one? I mean, if people were allowed to wear cream rather than Blake, I would have thought, absolutely. I think he was, I mean, he was beloved. Like, yeah, he certainly is better.

I mean, I'm a big cricket fan, but it's certainly better than a lot of the people on that list. It's better than Bud Tingles. Oh, poor Bud. Do you know Bud was in, he was in the UK for a while and he was in a show that used to scare the shit out of me when I was a little kid. Did you ever see, did you guys, Gabby, you probably haven't seen this.

But the other two, did you watch Cat Weasel? Oh, yes. Yes, was he in that? He was the dad. Yeah. He was the dad in cap. Maybe that's why I have this visceral reaction to him. Well, I know, because you were terrified at the time.

This is a show about an ordinary kid who befriends a warlock from the Middle Ages who's been time transported into the present day or into the 70s. And the warlock is bloody terrifying, right? He's got this muddle of his face and his wild eyes and this unwashed beard. It's terrifying. And Bud Tingul is the dad who never sees the warlock. That's worth the state funeral. Surviving that.

I think it is. I think it is. Like having survived Cat Weasel. I mean, it's the acting version of Burke and Wills, isn't it? The name that I keep waiting for, Hanson, is Kerry Francis Bormor Packer. Do you think he deserved? He got one. The thing that was fascinating about it, and I kind of feel like it might have been a little bit of a dig from his wife.

It was at the opera house. And of all the places where Kerry Packer would be least like. to set foot. Surely the opera house. He wouldn't go with a fucking mile of it. He should have had a two-handed with him and Joan Sutherland. Well, he was probably in the Dame Sutherland theatre. No, he's in the concert hall.

And Brockie as well. Like, just being carried through, you know, the pallbearers coming through and crashing into one of the sales. I mean, they should have had him at the race track, shouldn't they? Like a man who his entire life was about making money for himself and somehow get a state. I suppose he owned New South Wales at the time. He may as well have gotten a funeral out of it.

Well, he did. We paid for it too. You know his state funeral costs $73,223 and $63. Reasonable. That food at the weight costs a bomb. He's quite a good deal. Yeah. I heard the sandwiches were good, though.

Well, let's go to the theoretical territory then. I want you going to, let's discuss, you know, who do you reckon? Okay. He's going to, like, we return to the land of the living, right? But who do you think is going to get a state funeral when they die? I've made a list of people you think are good people who deserve one. Okay, who's at the top of your list? Okay, so top of my list is obviously, I think we're all going to agree.

Louie, Louis is going to get a stay at funeral. Think of the children. I don't think you understand. You can never die. No, but like the kids will need to mourn and they need to learn. Like they'll do an episode about it. It'll be like, Bluey's dead. Oh, rough, rough, you know, like it's rough.

Or like something like that. Anyway, Emma Wiggle. Is the state funeral? Oh, Emma Wiggle, yeah. Yeah, she'll get a stay of funeral. You are so right. Oh, my God, she is so going to get one. Yeah, Matt Preston's cravat.

Matt. I just think we should bury that. Bob Catter's career. And Julian Assange, although they're just planning it at the moment. But it's state mandated, so I figured that counts. State mandated funeral. That's very good. Very well played.

I think of all of us, Craig Roocastle. That's who I was going to say. After his long, many years as Prime Minister. And his coffin will be made out of recycled plastic And he'll be... Yes. Yeah. And he'll be lecturing us, even from the grave.

You're going to go, you know, he's going to, oh, you really need to me. Someone will have a plastic store in their back pocketed. Craig will haunt them. He'll actually come back and be like, oh, actually, no, cancel it. Someone's got a plastic water bottle here and I won't have that. Oh, my God, that's so true. But he doesn't age. I feel like Craig's never going to die, right?

He looks the exact same age, as he always has. I feel like, because he's so wooden. He's going to be here in four or five hundred years. Still be banging. We need him on the podcast for a right of reply, do we? Yeah, we should give him on. We could help me to you next week. What about Darrell?

What about Darrell Summers in this? Oh, Darrell. Darrell Summers? Oh, no. They'll do it on a Saturday. Hey, hey, it's a state funeral. Darryl Summers would have one, and then halfway through it just burst up and go, it's a hey, hey, hey, I got it back on TV.

I did it. Red Simon's a whack a gong. It'll be great. What about women? Do you think Nicole Kidman's going to get one? Oh, yes. Yes, definitely. I think so.

For sure. What about Kylie? Yes. I mean, it'll be the level above. Yeah, Kylie. Global. Yeah. Global funeral.

Yeah. Okay, let me throw another name out for you. Koshy. When he goes... I don't think he, I think isn't he immortal? He certainly is on sunrise. His co-hists keep changing, but Koshy's immem. I think that they'll

have to have one for him, won't they? You sort of have to, it'd be complaints if he doesn't get one, wouldn't they? From who? But does that mean, does that mean Kerryane Kennelly gets one? I mean, Charles, you can do the eulogy. In the murky territory here.

If you start doing morning television. Well, Kerriands will be a bit controversial, though, because it'll be segregated. No. You know Herodican is a dead cert to get a state funeral absolutely did definitely going to get one and it's going to be really annoying when he does is guy sebastian ah all of hill song will be there i think i think that's it and are you

willing to get crash the funeral of guy sebastian to play the eulogy song do i shall i shall be there i shall be there to play his most irritating hits no actually you you go there and you play shannon knoll's top charting song incredible what about me yeah it is a fair it is cruel Oh, RIP, Kerry Packer. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most, when your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard? When the barbecues lit, but there's nothing to grill, when the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner.

Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy zero-dollar delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees exclusions and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Well, Andrew, it's been deeply upsetting having you on. There was a moment of genuine emotion and pathos with Gabby's song, and then we went and ruined it. Thank you for lowering the tone of our already low-brow podcast.

It's been an absolute pleasure. Gabby, I love the song, Gabby. I really love the song. Well, you would. You wrote it. fixing its shortcomings. I was an honour to do. And never whistle again.

No, never. My breath control said absolutely not. See you, Andrew. See ya. Give some road microphones. We're part of the Akaast Crowder Network. Catch you tomorrow morning.