The Chaser Report - Suddenly Alerty

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

ALERT! This is a TEST alert of ChaserALERT! Australia's newEST warning system for every time there's a leadership spill in Victoria. NO ACTION IS REQUIRED. ---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And Charles, I'm currently, weirdly enough, at a golf course, which is hosting an event that I'm at. And I must say, I'm nearly 50 years old, as we've discussed, I haven't really played much golf. But am I at the right age? Yes. To embrace golf for now.

Is this golf a class? block in my life. I'm not sure I have the leisure, leisure time and coordination, but I must say, I'm watching as I've... No, see, you're making a mistake there, Don, because you've got kids. You're saying that because you've got kids, right? Yes. And presumably, also some work you've got to do, right? Although I don't think that's ever really gotten the way of gold. No. No, the mistake you make is that golf players get their wives to do all the work when it comes to the kids, right? All you've got to do, is be one of those distant fathers who goes and plays golf all the time

and, you know, rings up and goes, happy birthday, kid, are you eight or nine? There's a lot of news we're going to get to, including the massive emergency on the road that's about to go off on every mobile phone in the whole country. I'm going to be in room of 50 people when that goes off. I've got to actually record what it sounds like. It's going to be great. It's going to be amazing. We'll talk about that.

And some political news from Victoria where apparently it's on. It's on. It's on. the spill is on. But there's more to say about golf after these ads. Yeah, I played a couple of times when I was young, and it was really fun, but, yeah, that's when I had the time to do it. So you're saying I should just neglect everybody in my life and just be like, nope,

it's golf time. And that's the genius of a sport that takes much of the day, isn't it? And the course I'm at, Moorp Park Golf Course, you might have seen in the news, has recently been cut by Chris Minns from 18 holes down to 12. So I think the only solution is to play through them twice for a total of 24 holes. Yes. Just to make sure. I mean, it can't take me a long time.

I'm very uncoe with this stuff. I imagine to take an hour per hole. But also, you know, like in terms of your career, if you start missing meetings because you're at golf, right? Everyone will assume that you're hobnobbing with like the senior executives or whatever. Yes, that's true. And you'll just end up getting all the plum positions because that's, You're the guy who golfs.

Oh, right, okay. Well, he should be running everything. Well, that's the way it works in the Trump White House, isn't it? Basically, it's all about who gets to play golf with the president. That's the way that you get the ear of the commander in chief. So maybe you and I should be playing golf more regularly. You should take me out on the golf course and we'll make important decisions. It'll make deals.

Like, for example, who should be the next Labor leader in Victoria? Very good segue. way, we should do an episode playing golf badly and record ourselves. I think that would be fantastic. Let's definitely do that. But let's move on to something that actually matters slightly more than the well reduction in golf availability. Yeah, the Premier of Victoria, the unassailable Labor Party in Victoria,

the only thing that's going to defeat Labor any time soon has itself in the case is Labor. Well, they had an massive corruption scandal that they refuse to hold a Royal Commission for. But, yeah, like mainly Labor. Like if you believe the commentary that's around this thing. So Jacinda Allen, quite funny. She's apparently one of the least popular leaders in Australia's history, right? Net minus 41 negative rating or like approval rating. Net minus 41 approval rating.

Basically, probably, you know, like I'm struggling to think, but Hughesy, David Hughes would probably be more popular. Here you'll go. He'd love to do it. The Deputy Premier has just put up his hand. He's further more popular. Ben Carroll wants the gig. Yeah, so it's on. The problem is, so what they were hoping for is just a smooth transition.

Descinda would stab herself in the front today. They actually went to her today and said, you know. Yeah, said you don't have the numbers anymore. And she went nuts. And then so she is not going to resign. And so this treasurer guy is going to. going to challenge. No, is he treasurer or education?

Deputy Premier. I don't know what his other portfolio is, but yeah. And then he is, and can I just ask you, Don? Right. Like, this guy, is his name Daniel or something? His name is Ben Carroll. Yeah, Ben Carroll. There's a great picture on the ABC website.

Memorable guy. It says he previously vowed to stand by the Premier, and they've got a picture of him standing by the Premier, just literally behind her in stabbing distance. Yes. So he, so the funny thing about him is if he gets Premier, that's not going to change Labor's fortune. Labor is still going to lose in a couple of months' time when the election is, right? The election's in three months' time.

So why, Dom, would you go for that role? Like, doesn't Ben just go, actually, what I should do is steer clear, it's far clear, like, not be associated with this Jacinta Allen's. disaster, let the whole thing lose, and then next time round I'll be the clean skin, I'll be, oh, I had nothing to do. Sure, I was deputy premier, but what do you think maybe he just, like, what's the, is there some sort of, does he get an extra bonus on his pay or something? Yeah, you do. You definitely get a pay upgrade with your Premier.

Yeah. And maybe you get more super. I don't know what this is joyful in, I reckon you probably get, they've reformed it. Well, it would you get like the airfares and all that stuff. Have you got serving here? As a former Premier, you get a statue. Maybe you do. There's some pretty funny stuff in the backstory here, okay.

Because they're making a statue of Jeff Kennett at the Martin, because you get a statue. Are they? And I hope Dan Andrews is getting one in his, in his puffy jacket. Yeah. I think he is. I think it's going to be in Federation Square and everyone's got to bow to it. Okay. So just there's been great quotes here.

Can I just leave, I don't know anything about Ben Carroll, to be honest. He just looks like another. He looks very bland. He's not a faceless man, but he's just one of many just white dudes with gelder hair. But if he was faceless, it would actually make him more notable. You have more features. All right. So a couple of great quotes here.

He was asked by reporters in June. Now, that's admittedly last month. So a million years ago in politics. Would he urge Ms. Allen to, Jacinda Allen to step aside? He said, no, I can look you in the eye and say that, Premier. He told Sandra Allen in an exchange at the time. I want to serve Jacinta Allen. And he went on to say, I've got a young daughter at home,

and I couldn't be more proud to make sure she grows up knowing that I supported Jacinta Allen to be a world-class Premier and get re-elected in her own right. Right. And so what's he going to say to his daughter? Well, he says, well, why did you backstab the Premier just for the election? So he couldn't fight the election in her own right. I think he should come out and explain that he has, indeed, now spent time with his daughter and has discovered that he'd prefer to go to work.

I think that's... Oh, he can just tell his daughter, look, look. The other thing is, if an opportunity arises, he can just go for it. I'm sorry. If he did that, he would still be less unpopular than Justina Allen. Even if he admitted, well, I don't really like my daughter. I think that's still more likable than just into Ellen. Well, the other thing to bearing mind is, you know, like, look, you're a parent, Dom.

Like, well, well, you're a parent, Dom. Like, what Ben Carroll would have done is he would have gone home. And how old's the daughter, eight, isn't I mean? Not sure. Yeah, I think, yeah, young daughter. I've got an eight-year-old. Would have explained, you know, showed all the internal polling that they were getting from the LP to the daughter and said, look, you know, what would you do? And she probably went, oh, Daddy, you should run for Premier.

You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what to yourself? Pursue self-advancement at the expense of a female person. participation in politics, over the expensive female participation in politics, daddy. Because the point is she didn't win premier in her own right. Dan Andrews resigned and then she's been premier for much of this term.

But you can't say that she never will have the chance. She's just a token appointment. I'm not claiming that she is. I'm saying she will never get the chance to have been elected by the voters of Victoria. And this is what happens is that they parachute women in after someone becomes two on the nose. And then in this case, we will never know whether she would have been the most popular choice to the people in Victoria, if indeed she goes.

We know. There's no way Labor can be. If Labor wins, I will eat my hat. But things can turn around at the last minute. You're really underestimating the ability of the opposition to have the fatal stuff up shortly before the election. But how often does that happen? If any, you know, Victorians are listening to this podcast, you, for the incisive analysis

that we're bringing. The Victorian politics. Can I just give you a clarangle of like a warm. morning call, which is we went through this same thing in 2007 in New South Wales, right? Yeah, this is the, this is a period where the Honourable Professor Verity Firth, AM, was in New South Wales government, Charles's sister. And so, and the whole point was Labor was on the nose. They clearly needed to be unelected.

Like, the whole thing was becoming incredibly sclerotic and, frankly, you know, had the whiff of corruption about it. There was no details at that point. It was just like, this is, this is. is a government whose time is up, right? And instead, they somehow got across the line. I think it was Morris Yema ran with the amazing slogan, more to do but heading in the right direction. Yeah, yeah, that's right. More to do but heading in the right direction. Shortly after all the ads on the radio, it's explaining how to pronounce his name, because nobody knew it. And so he won an extra

four years. And then, and that's when, you know, essentially corruption became the raison d'etra of the Labor government. Like it sort of, the Eddie Obed scandal all happened in that period in the last four years. Like people were, the problem with the government is if it gets too unaccountable, if it gets too sort of used to being in power, it just sort of is no good for democracy. So look, I don't think there's any good options for Victorians. I don't, you know, like, you know, your choices. But for God's sake, you, yeah.

The Chaser Report. News a few days after it happens. Interestingly enough, the opposition leader is a woman in Victoria. It's Jess Wilson. And her big plan is to become our own treasurer. She's going to centralise the whole thing. Nice. And she's apparently quite popular.

She is obviously a fairly fresh face. She's relatively young. And she's willing to do both jobs. So who's suing her? Who within the Liberal Party is suing her? How many lawsuits are they mounting against? each other the moment. Very good question. But also...

I'm sure to be our own attorney general as well. Don't they keep... Yeah. There have been several of her colleagues. Just on another thing here, just the latest news poll, interestingly, it's 52-48. This is just from today. So Labor are not miles behind. There was another poll that had them...

No, but I think one... One Nation is now the highest primary vote. They were in one poll. They're not in news poll. So in news poll, the Coalition's 31, Labor 28, One Nation, 19. Greens 13. So that's pretty clearly the coalition winning. But in a recent Redbridge poll, yeah, one nation got 27% of the vote and were the biggest party. So, and that's in Victoria, which is the leftiest state. Yeah, one nation have been claiming that their polling has gone up

11,000% since the last election. So Jess Wilson's 36 years old. So she's, this is the generational change to beyond us, Charles. Yeah, that's right. I don't. We didn't really get our time in the sun, did we? Gen X's just sort of been and gone. But do you think, because, like, I think, you know, there's so many spills, especially from the Libs in Victoria has been the sort of thing. What we need is we need some sort of form of technology that alerts us every time there's a spill in Australia.

Oh, this is a brilliant segue, Charles. You're on fire today. Are you talking about buying chance Oz Alert, which we can play a little clip of here? So that's the sound of be alert, not alarmed. And the whole point is, Dom, that I have experienced this alert system because I was in LA during the bushfires at the beginning of last year. And the whole point was they are the worst system in the world, or at least the LA implementation of it was the worst system in the world.

So admittedly, there were fires encroaching on all the sort of suburbs around us, right? which was quite sort of extraordinary. But they would, like any update, they wouldn't send out as a text message. They'd send out as these alerts. Oh, wow. And you cannot shut them up. If you put it on silent mode, no, it just breaks through right. So you'd be standing around in a bar or a, you know, temping bowling alley or, you know, wherever you are.

And everyone's phone would just go off at the same time. I love this. So you're just getting. on it, you're just getting on the piece. And all the, oh, shut up about the wildfires. Like, most people were like going out and saving celebs homes. And he's going, this is really interrupting my drinking. Yeah, exactly.

Well, it was my holiday. But also, the problem was they weren't very good at geo-targeting. So they're supposed to be like, oh, there's a fire just on your block, you know. But instead it was like, oh, there's a fire, you know, down in Santa Monica, which was like 20 miles away. Yeah, yeah. And so you get all these. They can target within 160 metres, apparently, the Australian system. But the great thing is, so at about 2 a.m., all our phones started going off one night.

Wow. And it was like, evacuate now. You were now in evacuation zone, right? And then about five minutes later, we got another, these alarms, this 235 a.m. or whatever, going, oh, sorry, that was the wrong message. We didn't mean it for you. Oh, my goodness. And it was like the intern had started, you know,

was in charge. It must have been the first time they used it, I suppose. Yeah. No, apparently they use it quite a lot in the US. But it's such a point, because the point is, of course the authorities completely overuse it because everything's dramatic and they're just the center of the world, they're the main story, which means that it quickly becomes tiresome and therefore everyone just ignores it. That's really interesting.

That's not the point of it at all. So I've experienced it, Charles, in. Japan where somehow, I don't know how the technology lives and do this, but you get it moments before an earthquake, like literally maybe 10 seconds or something. And I've had that experience in the middle of the night. And I suppose, yeah, we didn't manage to wake up and get out of bed enough. But in theory, we could have gone under either table or whatever we're supposed to do. I don't know how they can sense it so quickly, but it's pretty impressive. It is terrifying if it's a little bit of a minute. It's really loud. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to

said it as my ringtone. All right. I'm going to be in a room, as I said, with 50 people. Yeah. And I'm going to try and record what it sounds like, because I reckon it's going to get amazing, amazingly loud and annoying. Well, you should, I dare you to panic as if you don't really know what's going on that it's a test. Instead of go, run for your lives.

We're all going to die. Yeah. Quick, let's play a round of golf before the end. But it's funny. Authorities have been warning people don't touch your phone. you're in the car and stuff like that, because it'll give people a shock. If my mum, if my mum was driving along and she got a loud sound, she'd be all worried. You know what they should do?

They should send out another message five minutes before, just to warn everyone that is going to be. But just to make sure everyone sees it, they should use that Oz Alert function. No, it's going to be a lot, but look, it's a good thing. We need, we need this. But also, Charles, think of the possibility for politics. I mean, do you remember the MediScare? Yes. Where the text message went out, you know, that the Coalition's going to hurt Medicare.

Plus, also, if I recall, the current which election it was, there was an election where they tried to warn, it might have been when Albo won, actually, on the day, they tried to warn of a boat in the vicinity. Yes, that's right. Yeah, so there's plenty. I think they might need to have a rule that you can't use on the election day or we'll be getting delused. But you think they should go off every time there's a spill? Yeah, I reckon.

Do you reckon we could make such to like the psycho stabbing? You know, the psycho soundtrack, the hitchcock. We should have a whole lot of different announcements. Like, I don't know, finale of maths is now on. That's the sound, comes out. Yeah. Every time, I don't know, the blues win the state of origin. Oh, no, wait a minute.

Actually, that did happen this year. They won this year. Yeah, you're not really with it. What about every time the new episode of the Chaser Report drops? Yes. It's you going, I have a theory. That's a great idea. We do an Amber Alert, for whatever it's called,

for every time a Chase show episode drops. There you go, done. Yeah, I don't know how we do it, but I think it has to be done. Yeah. Well, there you go. I think that's every bit of news there is, isn't there? Well, we do have one more bit of news,

but we'll have to leave it until tomorrow because it's a big one. Really? It's about the provenance of tomatoes in the Lego's tomatoes. But I think that deserves the whole episode. I love the way that you just picked the most important and, uh, yeah. Yeah, I know, I know, so it'd bury the lead, you know. Okay, well, enjoy your golf game.

Well, I'll be enjoying watching golf and I'm looking forward to the Oz Alert. It's going to be exciting. We're part of the Iconicless network.