The Chaser Report - Taking A Shot Every Time Scott Morrison Mentions A Taylor Swift Song

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Dom and Charles debrief on Scott Morrison's farewell speech. Then they move onto far more interesting matters, and plot how to create their own billionaire club. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. The most accurate podcast in Australia, the podcast that can see the future, Charles. We nailed it. Absolutely nailed it. And not only did we nail the future about what Scott Morrison was going to do, we then broadcast that and those predictions after he'd already done it.

I mean, that's a bit suss, but in all sincerity, we recorded it yesterday morning, and we're now recording this. We should probably look at our production schedule so that we can be slightly more topical, because it's now two days ago, and I think the nation's forgotten Scott Morrison already, hasn't it? It was, yeah, so we said that he would mention God a lot. Yes. Bing, check. And Jenny and the girls. Bing, he did.

I also predicted Charles references to Taylor Swift, and I got to say, that prediction was absolutely delicious. David by Scott Morrison, and for credit to the man, Charles, this is probably the most prepared and organized. I've seen him deliver anything in a very long time. He put a lot of thought into this. He planned it. And he didn't say, you know, at some point in 20 years, I'll deliver a speech that references every Taylor Swift album.

He said, I'll do it now. And he did. We'll play that audio after this. We'll also talk about the Bohemian Club that we were going to get to yesterday, which is a fascinating subject, the weird men's club in California. but let's listen to the audio of Scott Morrison referencing the Taylor Swift's Swift albums. It is true that my political opponents

have often made me see red, often when subjected to the tortured poets who would rise to attack my reputation. In response, I always thought it important to be fearless and speak now, or forever hold my silence and allow those attacks to become folklore. Ever since leaving university in 1989,

this has always been my approach, My great consolation has always been my lover, Jen, who has always been there for me whenever I need her from dawn and beyond the many midnights, we have shared together. See, I'm actually a true Numeromantic, after all. And I can assure you there is no bad blood, as I've always been someone who's been able to shake it off. I mean, look, well done, Schomo, and the ScoMo Friendship Band that he had in Parliament as well. Charles, do you think he knows how friendship bands work? No, I don't think he does.

Otherwise... He wouldn't have the one that says Scomo, right? The one that he may have says Skomo, he should have given to a friend. Yeah, yeah. Does he have no friends? He's in the point that, look, I don't think you should say this on here, Don. This is really mean. Like, I think the point is he doesn't have anyone to give it to it.

That's genuine pathos. That's really sad. I mean, I know. I know that there were some issues, but needs a friend. I'd feel almost sorry for him if he wasn't such a cunt. I mean, Malcolm Turnbull. doesn't like him very much. Peter Dutton, I don't know how much they like each other. I mean, there was the whole thing about the leadership where Peter Dutton couldn't count

and so Scott Morrison became Prime Minister. Probably a bit awkward. Anyway, so we predicted a lot of it, the Daggy Dad stuff, the Skomo stuff. My favourite thing, I think, Charles, was the humble acknowledgement that he was able to be reflective about his shortcomings and he was going to do that during the speech. Were there many shortcomings that were referenced? Do you recall humility and shortcomings? No, no. This point was actually made. by the Herald yesterday, which is that he acknowledged that he would acknowledge his shortcomings, but he didn't reference any because obviously he doesn't have any. Yeah, so he leaked out a full account of all of his shortcomings, of which there were none.

Yeah, exactly. But he's big enough to have shortcomings, you know, including, I presume, a blind spot about his shortcomings, which he would acknowledge that he had a blind spot about his shortcomings if he had one, but he doesn't, so he doesn't have to acknowledge that. don't need to talk about Scott Morrison ever again on this podcast. And you know that he's actually said he wants to be like Julia Gillard and just disappear into

the distance. And it's interesting because I think that's mainly because he's got nothing to say. Like it's not like he actually cares because it's not about him anymore. So he doesn't actually care about Australian politics anymore. So I actually predict that he will. He'll just go off

and like Julia Gillard become a feminist who just increases the public will for disadvantaged women all around the world. That'd be a good thing to do. Or he could go and basically help militarise the Asia Pacific. He could do that instead. But in a feminist way.

In a feminist way. Yeah, thinking always of Jen and the girls. The girls were there. I don't think I should use that. But the young Morrison women. Charles, on a school day? Was that not a school day? I don't want to judge the Morrison parenting.

But do you get a day off school to see your father the former prime minister's valedictory? I don't know if my school would, you know, my kid's school would allow that. No, that's like, especially under Chris Minns. Chris Minns is the New South Wales Premier, and he's the strictest. Our kid got in trouble because Chris Minns has banned mobile phones in schools. It's now illegal to have a phone in your schools. He got caught texting his mum, and he got into serious, serious trouble because it's like, you know, this is a matter for the police.

This is a matter for, you know, like, will you go to jail? Because you broke the law. The police in New South Wales wouldn't, they wouldn't engage with that. They're too busy debating whether or not they should march at Mardi Gras. They're too busy raging around. Killing gay couples, aren't they? Allegedly one of them, Charles, sub-genit. Oh, sorry, yeah, sorry.

Yeah, allegedly. Yeah, no, no. Killing. Koules was what they did in the 1970s. They're totally, it's totally different nowadays, yeah. A modern police force. Look, Charles, that's all well and good. We were going to talk about the Bohemian Club.

And I think this is probably what Scott Morrison is going to want to do when he moved to America to take up his various corporate boards. Because I don't imagine he might make the grade, though, because it is for you've got to be at a Henry Kissinger level, you've got to be at an Arnold Schwarzenegger level. You've got to be a global figure. And with all due respect to Scott Morrison, entirely sure, he's at that level.

So for people who don't know, Bohemian Grove is a private, all-male retreat, which suits scum, I reckon, I reckon he'd like an all-male retreat, nestled in the red woods of Montereo, California. Yeah. And he's known for exclusivity in mystery. So, I looked at, I googled this, and I asked Google, can I join Bahamian Grove? Oh, really? Right. And the answer is, like, it's not like, yeah, sure, it's for prominent business leaders, government officials, US presidents. You're a prominent business leader, aren't you? Senior media executives and people of power, right? But the thing is, it's not as simple as just going, oh, rocking up and going, hey, I'm a senior executive at a media company, let me in. You've got to apply for it and then wait

and you've got to have somebody, you know, like nominating you. This is good. And then, and then you wait on average 10 years after that. So you can't just, even if you're a billionaire, you can't even get in necessarily then. You've got to sort of wait. Goodness me. So this is a very large the kind of forested grove and it's only for men it's worth noting that in an area where almost everything is co-ed and you know society is

not quite equal we saw with the gender pay gap figures this week not quite equal certainly not merchant banking where men make 48% more money than women but the Bohemian Grove is a male bastion Charles I think they get nude and jump in the lake is that what they do well um

the whole thing is they've actually they don't have a gender pay gap because it's all male. Yeah. So there's no gender pay gap at all. It's like literally there, it's equal. It's equal. They pay all men are equal.

All the women as much as they pay the men. It's a sort of place where, this is what I understand, Charles. If you wanted to plan an atomic bomb, for instance, if you wanted to organize to have an atomic bomb be designed and tested, you'd do it there. That's the level of power we're talking about. Like, apparently in 1942, there was a meeting of the planners of the Manhattan Project that you could just happen there because,

because they are all male, right? They had Oppenheimer was there, sort of secret service people were there, presidents of various universities, people from general electric and standard oil. Like all these heavy hitters, all male, they're just there anyway. So, oh, we're all here around the campfire. Let's plant an atomic bomb. Yeah. Well, actually, apparently, the conspiracy theory is that at the moment, that is the place

where you go, if you want to float wacky solutions, like sci-fi solutions to climate change. Apparently, you know, you know, the new, you must have seen it in the news, there's this new plan to create a sun shield for the earth. Is there? I haven't seen that. I shit you not. Haven't we joked about that in the past, like a giant umbrella? Yeah, no, we have joked about it in the past, but it's actually now being floated for the first time as a genuine possibility, right? Wow. And the whole idea is you put a sun shield out in space, and it basically provides a sort of smattering of shade over, the equator and slightly above the northern

like into the northern hemisphere I don't think from the images I've seen it wouldn't even touch the southern hemisphere that kind of fucking forget the southern hemisphere yeah no that's not going to happen but what it would do is it would cut into I mean it would probably change global current flows and have all

like billions of you know unintended consequences but it would it would you know it would cool down the planet so is the idea that you wanted it a holiday, like a sunny holiday, you couldn't do the Northern Hemisphere to just be shade all the time. I mean, it's like England's like that already.

It'd be like England. Yeah, it'd be fun. That'd be fine. Good. And you could put ads on the SunShield. Oh, of course you'd put ads on the Sunshield. Imagine a permanent billboard in the sky. That's how you'd fund it.

Yes. Ah, I think we're, I think we're the Bohemian Grove. We're the ones solving all the problems, aren't we? It's more achievable than Neon, the Saudi Arabian line thing. But if you're wanting sort of wacky solutions to problems, that should be solved by, say, democratic accountability and not having, you know, the fossil fuel companies run the world, then what you do is you go to Bohemian Grove,

you meet with all the fossil fuel executives. And they go, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll fund your wacky idea. Great. Because that means that we don't have to stop pumping fossil fuels out of the ground. So it works really well. It's a very good idea. Charles, it just makes me think, though, it's a very long way to go to Bohemian Grove, right? It's quite a long flight.

And while I'm sure the members are very happy, yes, are very happy to, you know, have the carbon emissions. We should start something closer to home. Let's talk about that after this. The Chaser Report, less news, more often. Let's hope that was an ad for fossil fuels in some way. That would be. Yeah, yeah.

So, Charles, this is the thing, an all-male establishment. I mean, we have to acknowledge our own past here, having had the Chaser, not known for its female. Yes, but you've got to put it into some sort of context, Dom. Sure. Which is that actually there are lots and lots of people who wrote for the Chaser early on. They were. Many, many women.

Yeah, a group of 20 or 30 people. And then when it became worth something and worth real money, that's when it just became men. Yes, when it was when it transitioned into being paid employment. Yeah, the genesis of the actual Chaser, you know, is littered with. women who worked for free is that too close to the bone maybe we shouldn't say that there was low pay in the early years

yeah you're right yeah I don't think it's the proudest thing it was the people who it was a terrible mistake it was a massive mistake which we should acknowledge so in the Bahamian club down under should we I think we should move on we should open it up to women

definitely open up to women it's a good idea it's just as long as there wealthy and influential. I suspect it might be better as a female only club, to be honest. If you're just looking at the sum total of bad ideas in the world, they tend to come from men. But then we wouldn't be able to go. So I reckon, yeah, I reckon equality.

Yeah, that's it. We want equality now. The first thing we need is a huge patch of land. So what they do with the Bohemian, we haven't really covered it in much detail. They get together, they have these weird traditions. Like there's a thing called the cremation of care where there's a statue. symbolising care, which they burn. It's a little bit like a small shit version of burning man.

Yes. Because this thing goes for two weeks, and so they go and camp in the woods for two weeks, these men. It's a giant owl statue. Yes, symbolising the knowledge. And, of course, the women in their lives just have to mind the children for those two weeks while the men play in the wood. Right. In the woods. That's so awful.

Yes, it is. So we need land. If you've got land to donate, podcast of chaser.com.com. A large swath of land. There's also a club. house that they have in San Francisco. So we need a big city building as well. So we need both of those things.

If you can donate that, you can be a life member. Yep. That's a good idea. Yep. Yep. And then basically we need to find influential people and get them to join for, I think it's $60,000 a year or something. No, $60,000 joining fee.

On Google, I said it was, oh, it says 25 grand a year. Yeah. It's $60,000. Okay. So we've got to do that. That's great. And then here's the thing that is most unlike us, Charles, is that apparently they secure the premises of the bohemian the bohemian grove they've got a 24-7 security team with

ex-military so that people like the chaser can't get in there oh i like that so it's an interesting question for us as we get older is that traditionally we've been the people who tried to get into these spaces and disrupt are we now going to just go full circle we yeah no we we we're wrecked a fence and then craig can't get in ha ha because he'll be the one he'll be the one trying to get in, won't he? Oh, no, he'll probably be a member because he's all influential. So look, this is an idea. If you've got any ideas for how to progress this, podcast at chaser.com.

Yeah. Who knows? Maybe there's a billionaire listening, a mining billionaire who'd like to make this happen. Twiggy. Can I suggest, though, Dom, what we do is before we get the land, before we get the building, first thing we do is we start charging the exorbitant membership fees. Yes. I think we set it up and charge fees and then everything else can sort of flow from

that. Yeah. Then we'll have a bit of a budget to it. Fee's first, then we can start thinking about it. All right, well, if you want to join, um, it's open now, uh, $50,000 entry for fee just to sign up. Yeah. What are we calling it? Well, it should be, I mean, Bohemian Grove. It's got to sound gritty, doesn't it? It's got to sound, well, if it's going to be Ozzy, should we just call it the, the rural piss-up? The outback steakhouse. I know, I know. Because it's basically about communing with nature and, and stripping away care and not worrying about responsibilities. Let's call it, Barney. Barnaby Grove. Barnaby Grove. Yeah, but doesn't that just imply that you've got to drink the whole time? I don't want to...

I think that's what it is. That would be exhausting. You got locked up. You wouldn't enjoy the real Bohemian Grove then, I don't think, Charles. Barnaby Grove. Barnaby Shrub. Barnaby. Barnaby Shrub.

Barnaby Shrub. Barnaby Shrub. That's what we'll call it. Barnaby shrub. There we go. Sign up now. I feel like we can do more work on the brand. Yeah, we might have to.

If you got a better idea for the name, Barna. You know that I've actually... I actually have a GPT. I've programmed a Wankanomics GPT that is specifically designed to name, come up with brand names for things. I've got it open now. Why don't I just put it straight in? Put it in it.

It's owned by, because the whole... A private club for mining billionaires, yeah. Dom and Charles are the owners, right? So I think that's... That's funny. And so what it's going to be called. Dom Charles Ventures. My God, GPT is shit.

That's terrible. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let me just try one more. Try one more. So, as Ed, it's a billionaires' club and secretive. Can you come up with a better name? Char Dom Syndicate. Oh, I like that.

Wow. Char Dom Syngot. Evokes an aura of exclusivity and mystery, perfectly suited for a billionaires club that values secrecy and influence. The name merges Charles and Dom into a seamless and sophisticated identity, suggesting a powerful alliance behind closed doors. This name commands respect and curiosity, establishing enigmatic presence in the upper echelons of society and business.

Its conciseness in intrigue make it an unforgettable moniker for a secretive consortium. I mean, the blurb is good. The name's shit, but I like the blurb. We'll keep working on it. Suggestions, very welcome for the secret club podcast at chaser.com. And we'll catch you next time, perhaps at the clubhouse. Oh, yeah, definitely at the clubhouse. Yeah, we should make a secret podcast that nobody's allowed to listen to as well.

Isn't that what this is? Okay. Our gears from Rive. We're part of the Iconicless Network. Get you tomorrow.