The Chaser Report - Talking About Taylor Swift Because We Apparently Have To

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Literally all other news can get f*cked I guess. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, you poor thing. This is the biggest day in the history of Sydney and you're in Adelaide. Today is the day that Taylor Swift plays her first gig for the Eres Tour at Accor Stadium in Homebush. Where are you? Hundreds of kilometres away. I mean, what is colloquially known as fucking Adelaide.

A place which Taylor snubbed, as we discussed in the podcast a few days ago. She's not bothering to go anywhere near Adelaide on this tour. No. Well, what is there in Adelaide? Certainly no asbestos. That's true. There's a killer on the loose again. They've just released the Snowtown Killer who did all the barrel.

Oh, she knew. Didn't she? She must have the heads up about that. Get a tip off. Yeah. See, when you're as powerful as Taylor Swift, you get the heads up on judicial decisions. And look, everyone's going to the gig tonight. Albo is going to the gig tonight.

He refused to give his tickets to a Swifty on radio this week. And he said, I'm a Swifty myself. So, nauseating pictures of Albo and Taylor are incoming. Later in the day, let's talk about this massive day, all the things you're missing after this. So, yeah, there's going to be some point during the concert, I'm sure. Like, he's not going to a three-and-a-half-hour gig without any political upside for him. That's basically, with all due respect, we know about Anthony Alman.

as he loves music, but going to three and a half hours of Taylor Swift when you're a fan of 80s sort of punk acts, he's not enduring that if he's without potential upside. But I think his presence there will just skyrocket him in the polls anyway. Like, he doesn't need a photo op. Like, if he's just standing in the crowd, that's it. That's the election. But is it, though? I'm willing to call it.

Is it? Or is he infuriating all the people who want to go but can't be there? Because it's very hard tickets. I've been trying for days. No, but no, Albo. Albo would have been hanging out on the website all day. He would have been on Ticket Tech looking for a second chance draw like me. Clicking refresh at the right time.

That's how he got his ticket. He wouldn't have skit the queue or got some sort of, you know, VIP. Special payola. Yeah. It is quite nuts, right? Like Ticket, I assume in the system actually works,

but the way that it works, and I know you know this, Charles, because you've been trying to get tickets, I'm sure, even though you're in Adelaide. You've got to go to the Ticket Tech marketplace for the second chance draw. And basically once you log in via one of those capture things where you type in, you know, the letters and numbers, you get this progress bar that just says don't refresh, don't move. And it slowly crawls along. There's no numbers.

It's just a progress bar crawling along. It takes hours and hours and hours. And you've got to check it all the time because once it gets through, you have 10 minutes and that's it. And that's it. Then it logs you out. So I have managed to get through once out of about 20 tries. Oh, yeah. And the other night I was up at 1 a.m.

And I actually got through and it said two tickets for Friday. day's gig and it's exactly where I wanted to be right up the very back in the cheap seats. I clicked on them, clicked by, and it said another fan is transacting these tickets. So it's just like the World Cup. You get, you got all the trouble to get through and then it says we've got tickets and then by the time you click yes, it's like, no, they're gone. So it's impossible basically. I wouldn't waste your time, everyone.

I would not, don't waste your time on the second hand marketplace. That way I've got more chance. Yeah, that's why you're on the site now. I can see. Yeah, I've got it right here. But it's, the progress bars, you can see the progress bar. It's just slowly calling on. You've no idea whether it will take four or six or eight hours.

And you've got to be there. You've got to shake it off, Don. Yeah. Well, I'm trying to shake it off with Taylor and there's no ticket. But yes, the last time I mentioned this, someone came forward and gave me a ticket to the Matilda's semi-final, which was amazing. So, you know, who knows what will come out there. But Sydney has gone nuts.

I mean, that people have been stalking her left, right and center. Intern, Pete from Kyle and Jackie O has been meeting every private jet. She went to dinner in Surrey Hills, Charles, spent $600 on dinner with a friend at Pellegrino 2000, and apparently you can't get a booking there anymore. She's ruined it. She's ruined Surrey Hills restaurants. Yes. But you know why, like, what, what I find interesting, Dom? Yep. Is that, like, she was in Melbourne for, what, three days or something. Something like that. She did three gigs at the MCJ. Basically, she ends the gig. Yeah. Within eight hours, she's out of Melbourne. Absolutely. Out of Melbourne. Straight to Sydney. And she's spending the whole. of the week, just relaxing in Sydney. It does seem as though she was out of here pretty quickly, doesn't it? And her boyfriend, Tracy, whatever his name is?

Travis Kelsey, he's here. Travis Kelsey. Can I just tell you, by the way, I can get a table tonight at Pellegrino 2000. It's fine, where she has no influence at all, clearly. Oh, really? Oh, you can't. Yeah. We should go there when you get back.

He skips Melbourne. He skips Melbourne comes to Sydney. This is the big thing. So his private jet. His PJs just come in. I assume intern Pete was there to try and film some awkward selfie ruin it

Yeah but he's come out for Sydney That's right Taylor was at the zoo Yesterday inspecting some of the local animals you can't do that in Melbourne Or she wouldn't want to So Travis has come here I think she's going to move here Charles

I think she's going to become a Sydney side of I'm pretty sure Actually The problem is she arrived here And she looked at Sydney property prices And she went I know actually I can't afford To move to Sydney

Well is there a tax advantage She started out in the eastern suburbs and, you know, by lunchtime she was looking in the N-O-West. Maybe I can afford like a two-bedroom in Dullet Hill. She's thinking maybe Parramatta now. Blue Mountain isn't bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just wondering, the most Australian thing to do, Taylor, if you do want to move here, I'm sure you listen to this podcast.

The thing that you want to do to be quintessentially Australian is don't take all the millions of dollars you've made here back to America. Buy some properties and become a landlord and negative gear them all. That's what you want to do. Oh, yes. She could easily just add to the huge rental crisis. Can you imagine if her fans in their 20s found out that she'd bought all these houses? She was a landlord. Imagine a landlord being Taylor Swift.

There's mould in my bathroom. Travis, get on down there. I reckon, like, because this tour's yielding a billion dollars, isn't it? It's the first ever billion dollar tour. Absolutely. I mean, if you do the maths on how much she's making just from these gigs in Australia, it's absolutely massive. So she could afford like three or four Sydney apart. One bed is, yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, one bed, yeah. Apparently she's staying at Crown as well. So the theory is Crown is one of the sponsors of the tour. And the theory is that she stayed in the sort of penthouse mansiony thing at Crown Towers in Melbourne and then here in Sydney at the Crown Casino, which might lose its licence while she's staying there, by the way. Oh, really? Why? What's happened?

Money laundering, like at both Sydney casinos. It's the same old story. I'm standard. It's just the slow, weird. Reals of justice. Apparently they're only just open for gambling at Crown and said anything going to lose their loss. But isn't the point that, no, it's open for money laundering, hasn't it? Money laundering.

Oh, and gambling. Oh, you can gamble there as well. Actually, maybe that's why she's staying this, because it's a $38,000 a night penthouse that they think she's in. Yes, because if you make a billion dollars, you need some way to wash it claim. That's right. Otherwise, she'll have to pay tax on it. That's why she's starting at Crane. You wouldn't stay there because it's nice.

It's ostentatious. Wouldn't it be terrible if she, you know, leaves on Sunday morning and she's lost all her money on the roulette wheel at crown that's very funny well Travis would probably go wouldn't he Travis had gone go and have a flutter at Crown Casino we should go down there and see if we can find him it is isn't it VIP's only at Crown Sydney so I don't know how we'd get in yeah exactly no no that's all right just say we're from the Chaser Report podcast and it closes every door um so no the place is going is going crazy so what does she

think what does Taylor think of the asbestos is that you know because isn't Sydney, my understanding, like, I've got friends in Melbourne who said, what are you talking about? What asbestos? Like, apparently there is no coverage of the asbestos outside of Sydney, which is sort of understandable. Like, it's a very local story. Well, it did make the New York Times, actually, but I would have thought Melbourne would have been absolutely loving it. Like, the brief moment of being able to say, I know you've got better parks and beaches than us, but at the moment there's tape everywhere. It is quite extraordinary. After we did our podcast the other day, I walked down to the local shopping centre in suburb where we live, tram sheds, and

it's, you've got to go by the street. It's extraordinary. Like, the entire park is fenced off. I posted pictures on my Instagram. Like, there's, there is crime scene tape everywhere in that park. It's absolutely amazing. Yes. I think this should be a little bit, like, I think this is Sydney's Chernobyl moment.

I think what we should do is just let the asbestos be there. We sort of like, I think humans are going to need to leave Sydney. Have an exclusion zone. And we'll just let nature regrow. But it'll be in a sort of asbestos, sort of nature. Like it'll... Sort of develop and grow and little signs of asbestos bacteria will come out. And then before long there'll be asbestos animals.

That's a great... It can be like the Erie Abandoned theme park in Chernobyl, only a giant city. And Taylor would be stuck here forever in the middle of it all. Yeah, yeah. I'm able to leave. Maybe there should be a don't... Like, we do a fence. We do an asbestos fence around city.

It would just be like one little bit of tape. A little tape around Sydney, nobody can go in or out. I think it's fine to abandon Sydney. It's too expensive to live in anyway. I think we've just got to pull the pin. Once Taylor's gone, in all sincerity, I think it's all downhill from that. We're currently the most important city in the world with Taylor here. Once she leaves, game over.

She's going to Singapore. It's it. It's over. And then, because Sydney always likes being the Olympic city. I reckon that's the last great highlight. We've got the Olympics. And then we've got Taylor Swift. Nothing else happened between 2000 and 2024.

We shut it down. We go, that was a good run. And then everyone can move to Brisbane, which is having the Olympics in 2032. I enjoyed Brisbane the other week. And we can ruin Brisbane without attention. I'm going to make a big call about Taylor. I'm going to make it after these ads. The Chaser Report.

Less news more often. I'm just copying you, Charles. It's not making the big call. But I'm going to put it out there. Travis, he's thrown all. He's flown all the way. He was in Vegas playing golf. I think he's going to pop the question.

He's going to pop the question. While he's in city, the most romantic city in the world that isn't, you know, Paris or Venice or something. Most romantic city in the southern hemisphere, perhaps. Yeah. And he's going to do it at Crown Casino.

On the rural old table. Darling, I just made a couple of grand. Or maybe he'll go to koala to, you know, bring a ring across. Maybe a local money laundering figure will be involved. Here's a cushion. Stuffed with cash.

A brown paper. bag there's a you know he hands over a barrenpath bag with the laundered um earnings from her her concert and there's a ring in there as well see because this is the thing i i like your prediction i i think you heard it here first because it did strike me that albo recently got engaged on valentine's day but he would have known that he was going to the taylor swift concert presumably he's going with jody hayland so so why wouldn't he like surely a better place to propose is the taley swift concert the fucking Valentine's Day is very hackneyed Alba. You could have done better than that.

If he'd managed to do it on the Jumbo Tron, if there'd been like a five-minute interlude in the middle of the Taylor Swift, like she just sings lover or something, so Swifty. And then it's like, I think the Prime Minister is here, Mr. Albanesey and, oh, D-D, would you do me the honour of becoming, you know,

Mrs. Albo? And that would have been the point where you call the election immediately. Yes, and then the Kiss Cam would have come up on all the screens. and he would have kissed and then that's it yeah that's the election in the bag and the interests of balance you'd have a quick shot of Peter Dutton's scowling

angrily off in the distance somewhere yeah they should have cemented it where would Peter Dutton get engaged which concert what musician would well our Albo was asked this on on radio actually this week and said I don't think Dutton's a swiftie

I think he's more into nickelback or death metal but that doesn't seem that doesn't seem quite right. I think, you know, Dutton has such, like, even more than Morrison. Morrison was a fake daggy dad.

Dutton's the real daggy dad, I reckon like hauling oats or some shit. I reckon it would be, you know those sort of sleep albums that you can get on Spotify? I reckon that sort of... Yeah, like pan pipes. Just something to briefly calm the rage.

Just like, switch it off, Peter. Yeah. Dises off. He'd probably like, I could just imagine like 90s, 90's hair medal Dutton would enjoy He'd go for like

Poison or something The Uncanny X-Meny You reckon? That's what it'd be Brian Manix, yeah Could be But the fact that we don't know Is a bit surprising

Aren't we supposed to be getting to know The gentler nicer Peter Dutton Would it be It'll be something Because he hates boat Would it be some sort of He wouldn't like Yacht Rock He would not go for Yot Rock

That's sad Yot Rock's amazing 70s like Sincerer Pop Well Charles I still haven't got tickets I'm refreshing again. Taylor, Taylor's people, you get in touch, send a DM or something. I'm willing to go.

Or just Taylor, Taylor, direct. Like, Taylor, you're listening. We know you're listening. I'll send a message now on, um, on should I do Twitter or, um, Instagram? Oh, I think she, no, well, she wouldn't be Twitter, would she? No, it's broken, isn't it? She'd be like TikTok or, um. Yeah.

All right. I don't know. Maybe, I mean, she might be on Bumble. I mean, you never know you like. Imagine if that's how she met Travis. It's happened to be in Vegas or something It's like, hey All right, I'll put it

I'll post on Instagram And just see if I can be like Hey, I've got a podcast Well, at the very least, get her to come on the podcast Oh yeah, that's nice I'll invite her on the podcast, P.S, very open to a ticket. Do you want a ticket?

No. Okay, well, have a good weekend. Our gear is from Roe. We're part of the Iconiclass Network.