The Chaser Report - Terrible Movies You Must Watch | Alex Jae & Bec Charlwood

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

Dom is away for a week, and so Alex Jae and Bec Charlwood drop by to recommend all the best terrible movies you should watch once you get though the good ones. Plus Aleksa takes a look at Neo-Nazis in Australia. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is brought to you by Sydney's premier venue factory. Buy tickets to listen to world famous musicians play live. I'm sorry, I can't read this. It feels familiar, but I honestly have no idea what any of these words mean. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chase of Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Wednesday the 25th of August. I'm Charles Firth and with me are Alexa and Xander. Hello.

Hello. And that's because Dom is on holidays. And by on holidays, I think it's probably just sitting at home, twiddling his thumbs. No, he's got his kid to look after. I thought he was just sick of us. I thought he hated us. That's what I assumed. Oh, I definitely think that's true.

but I don't think that's why he's on the break. I assume he's just going to have to watch Frozen 300 times for the next week. What it is is his daughter was watching Frozen in the background every time he recorded the podcast and he just desperately wanted to see the movie again. I've never had any kids, but I always assumed it was the opposite. I assumed he got sick of those shows. No, you don't. No. It's like Stockholm syndrome.

You just like get captured by it and fall in love. Anyway, talking of kids and how terrible our lives are, Um, my child, uh, yesterday got sent a note from his sports teacher, right? So he's doing homeschooling, right? So it, let's be honest that the sports, you know, curriculum has not been very strong this term. Wait before we continue. I'm not sure how this works. If he's doing homeschooling, are you just referring to yourself as a sports teacher or is there? No, no, no. Like due to COVID, right? He's doing education at home. I thought you had different personas to kind of keep it exciting for him.

Yeah, yeah. Charles puts on a baseball cap walks and he's like, all right, son, get up, do 20. Oh, that's a good idea. I'm going to do that. No, no. So what has been happening is every Tuesday, you know, he has sport in the afternoon. And usually the sports teacher will go, okay, go outside and here's a whole lot of exercises that you have to do. And he goes out and does them and it's all very methodical, right?

But it's rainy. It was raining yesterday. So this was honestly the suggestion about what, you know, a 13-year-old group of kids should do now that it's raining, but this sport, okay, so, you know, due to the weather, I can't safely recommend participating in physical activity today. However, I want to encourage and stress that this afternoon you put away your devices and engage in something different. It could be working on a Miss Christy's art competition Playing a board game or card game with your family For example, Uno Without devices being a blah blah blah

And this whole rant against devices, right What, I mean, what 13 year old Who's grown up during a pandemic Is gonna obey that instruction? That is... That's blatant abuse of authority I'm sorry teachers cannot be Overstepping the line like that

Yeah, I know Well, the whole thing is just sort of ridiculous. It should be, they should lean into it. They should just say, look, we all know you're going to play

Fortnite all afternoon. Have fun. Or just get a standing desk. Play Fortnite standing on the spot. Exactly. See? Or if they want them to play fucking Uno,

then, you know, build Uno in Minecraft. It's a, you know, one of those little subgame things. And then get them to play it there. Also, what if you have no siblings, right?

you are totally alone at home because your parents are essential workers. How lonely would that email make you feel? Yes, exactly. The kid's just sitting there playing Juno with himself, just being like, pick up four, like as long as long as I've got to pick up another one. I know. A horrible, horrible man, sports teacher.

Which is just like every other sports teacher I've ever known. So there you go. Coming up on the show today, we are not talking to Grace Tame, unfortunately. That was yesterday. It's a great episode. It's all basically downhill from here. But we are talking to... Who are we talking to?

We're talking to Beck and Alex who have a podcast about dude cinema, so it's essentially films that guys love to watch and always make fun of girls for not watching. And Alex, you're talking about Nazis. As always, but this time

on the podcast. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Dana Minow in the Chater Newsroom. In order to please Senator Matt Canavan, the Wiggles have introduced a new addition to their line-up who dresses in all-white clothing called Grandmaster Wiggle or The White Wiggle for short. Canavan has responded by saying he is appalled by the new Wiggle being such an offensive

stereotype of his people and that such treatment should be reserved for minorities. Craig Kelly announced his partnership with Clive Palmer this week, finally putting an end to his search around the world to find someone, anyone at all, who makes him look smarter by comparison. The independent member and the billionaire are set to be this year's hottest power couple in Parliament, as together they have as many Senate seats as they do brain cells. Friends and family of a man in his mid-20s were shocked this morning to find their lovable larrican had purchased a bed frame for his room. Affectionately known to his friends as Top Dog and Mad Lad,

the man-child decided he preferred knowing women rejected him for his lack of personality without being able to put the blame on his lame bed frame game. I'm Beck. Those are the headlines. You're welcome, nerds. This episode is brought to you by the Australian Society of 5G conspiracy theorists. We've been losing relevance since everyone became an anti-vaxor

all of a sudden, so please come to our Sunday meetings, have a chat, there'll be sandwiches, You can even bring your phone. We don't care. Just have a chat with us, please. So, Gabi, did you see that expose on neo-Nazis that came out last week? I can't say I dabble in neo-Nazi ex-posés.

What do you mean? Did they release something else? It was like 60 Minutes Head a Piece and the Herald ran a piece and the aged in an expose. That's why I didn't read it. It just fell off the front pages because, you know, everyone went,

oh yeah, there's lots of Nazis in Australia. So anyway, Alexa has actually taken the time to look into this topic. Alexa, how are you going? I'm doing good. Yeah, yeah, I've looked into it. I've watched 60 Minutes. I've read The Age. I read The City Morning Herald.

I'm just all about the Nazis this week. That's my job. But yeah, it was interesting. It's pretty weird. So it's like this undercover thing. So the age and City Morning Herald and 60 Minutes sent, I guess, an informer. into the National Socialist Network, which is the biggest Nazi group in Australia. Wow, they sort of infiltrated it.

Yeah, yeah. Who did they send, like, one of their morning show hosts or something like that? Well, I feel like they're convincingly racist. Well, they didn't tell anyone, but I'm trying to feel like you might be working for the Nazis if you're trying to dox them on the podcast. Who did they send? Where do they live? What's their name of the informant?

And what are the last four digits of their credit card did they? Again, no one knows. I have to say, it was an interesting report, a lot of stuff. Because when you think about Nazis, you think about, you know, big, musly skinheads, maybe. I don't know when I think about them, that's what happens. I was going to say, you've got a visual. Because I don't tell me if I'm wrong, but I think of Adolf Hitler when I think of Nazis. Yeah, I think of boring history lessons.

I think these guys are a lot more similar to Hitler than the kind of neo-Nazis we had in the 80s. These are, you know, middle class, well-educated. You know, they understand the ideology, and they're keen to use violence to make it happen, to get Nazism to happen in Australia. But how many are there? There can't be that many in Australia, again. It'd be like three people. Yeah, there's quite a few.

And I'll be all three of them, infiltrators. All just dobbing on each other. No, there's quite a lot, and there's just so many different groups as well. This is like the National Socialist Network that they were focusing on. And, I mean, from the pictures in the clubhouse, there's about like 30 of them at any given time in the in the clubhouse which is called racism HQ that's their name for it that's not the that's what they call it are you kidding no it's they're wild do they have a sign at the front racism HQ no but they do have a

portrait of adolf hitler at the breakfast table just so you can you can start your day with a good bit of racism what the fuck um but yeah i mean you're sure it's not like a comedy thing like is it Some sort of bad taste comedy bit? It feels like Chris Lilly's natural next step, doesn't it? Oh, exactly. I mean, he could have been the informant for all we know. But, I mean, yeah, they have even bits. So, like, this is a clubhouse at Racism HQ.

And, you know, all these different people funded who are part of the National Socialist Network. But some people are just Nazis without jobs. And what they call them is just full-time racist. That's the joke they make in the group. But, I know, personally, I find mainstream media reporting about Nazis a bit tricky, right? You want to expose these dangerous, deranged, I guess, fuck wits, but if you make them look too dangerous, there's a chance to actually serve for PR for them. You know, there are a lot of, like, disengaged young, like, you know, white boys

who are like, I want to be a big scary guy. I found it quite weird because personally, obviously, I've never understood what attracts people to these groups, but when I watched it, in the first few minutes, something very special happened. I heard this chant and it resonated with me. I'll be honest. Oh, dear. Oh, my God. of blood and of honour. Blood and honour. Blood and honour. Blood and honour.

Blood and honour. It's not a good chant, is it? That's the thing. It's disgusting. And they're all standing up like doing like little sea hiles while yelling blood and honour. But something in there resonated with me. Like something was so familiar. It conjured out feelings of being secure, you know, a simple life with clear rules where I could be part of a proud community, feel accomplished and righteous.

And then I realised where I've heard blood and honour before. Blood and honour This is from fucking World of Warcraft I played this game so much as a kid You're kidding They've stolen the quote from the orcs This is what the orcs say in the game They're looking for a motto that instills pride

In the White race and they pick the fucking orcs That's their ideology What the fuck? And do you reckon they intentionally plagiarised it Or it's like one of those unintentional plagiarisation Where it just felt familiar It felt right. It sounded good.

It just resonated with everyone there. Yeah. What I think it is, I think that deep down, these guys are all nerds. You know, they're actually very insecure and scared boys. You know, they're scared of women. They're scared of homosexuals. They're scared of people who look different. And like, this is all on brand.

You know, they all play these horrible games that I played. And they all resonate with the orcs. So you think that the blood and honor thing is actually a cry for help? Yeah. Well, yeah. I guess so. I don't want to say, like, we should be, I don't know. Yeah, I was going to say, forgive me for not empathizing with the Nazis.

It's not empathizing, but it's like, I feel like it undercuts their PR if you show them, not just as being deranged and dangerous, but also as being pathetic. You know what we should do to get rid of all the Nazis is implement some in-app purchases, and then they'll all go broke. That's so clever. You know, because they're obviously that sort of person who, likes to buy silly things. See, you can get like a swastika skin on your or something.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And then we'll make tons of money out of them. They'll go broke and then that's it. That's actually perfect. No more racism, HQ. No, because then that money goes somewhere. To us. You're telling me that you're comfortable getting Nazi money.

Oh, so much more comfortable than, because I'm feeling the other way to stop them for having money is to like stop their payment services, but they're always going to be looking for ways around it. So, like, that is the trick. You've got to give them something that they want to buy to stop them from having money. Oh, my God. What else did you find while watching this?

So the other thing is that they're all heavily online boys. So they're talking about getting raided by police. And here's a conversation that they're going through about how they have to delete all their means. I deleted five or six thousand before they raided. I didn't get through all the computer. I burned three phones, a laptop. I was going through my PC I managed to get through about 6,000

memes. Why are they saving pictures? Are these just, the memes are just on their devices? Isn't the purpose of memes to be posted somewhere online? Are they just keeping them to themselves and opening up their laptops every now and again to have a little chuckle? I feel like in order to become a Nazi, you have to be so unsocialised

and inept to think that you need to keep the memes for yourself. I think it's part of the whole ideology as well. If you distribute them too much, then that's practically communism. it's just shit I just nothing about this

sounds good no no I mean I hope that would be the takeaway yeah really because I'm sort of coming around to them no don't don't say you're coming around

to being I don't understand why did they have to burn the memes they were like grossly oh they were sort of horrible yeah so like one of them they talk about is like

Brent and Tarrant as like a saint and they um They had wild stuff about Brent and Tarrant, so they love this guy. One of their lines was, he'll be in there until we win the revolution. He doesn't come out until then. So they want the revolution to happen, but they said he's in there like Nelson Mandela.

So their point of reference for like the revolutionary hero is the, you know, African rights anti-apartheid guy. I mean, they're just so deluded. You know what? I actually think they can't read. I'm going to put it out there. I don't think they can read. I think this is the single most reassuring rand I've ever heard about neo-Nazis ever. They sound even more incompetent than Scott Morrison.

I don't think there's any chance of them taking power ever. So thank you, Alex. So I think we can all rest easy because these people are clearly morons. I mean, they definitely are dangerous they should go to jail, but they're morons too. It's important to always remember how dumb they are. Even morons should be arrested. I'm going to go now. I've got to set up a new in-app business that I've got going.

Good luck. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Right now, we're joined by the hosts of the Ladies Guide to Dude Cinema, Beck and Alex. How are you both going with lockdown? So good. I'm loving it. I say never let us back out. Keep us in, baby.

Okay, so for our listeners who haven't heard the Ladies Guide to Dude Cinema, What do you guys cover? We watch and review all of the movies that dudes have told us we have to see. Now, there may be some men listening right now being like, is that really a widespread problem? I don't think I've ever heard of that. And I would like to say, we are exactly, you're exactly the dudes that we're talking about in that situation

and you need to be stopped. Yeah. Right. So we're here to give that feedback finally on behalf of all women and men. Is every movie that they recommend Fight Club? Is that? Oh, yeah, nailed it. That's, yeah.

I'd say top three is like, fight club, die hard, pulp fiction. Oh, you've got to see Pulp Fiction. Memento. Memento's up there as well. Memento. We actually came on here to prolong the list because it's already not long enough. And so we've kind of gone through all of the good movies that we want to watch. And now Beck and I are both rewatching all the fantastic crap.

movies that we have enjoyed from our podcast. They are truly the best version of cinema. Movies that are so bad, they then become awesome. I think that's always a safe recommendation to people. And that's what we've come to you with today. Here is our best fantastic crap. Okay, number one, something that we just recently watched last week, Big Trouble in Little China, starring Mr. Bert Russell.

For a movie made in the 80s that touches on Asian culture, not as bad as you would think actually pretty pretty damn holds up really well we fucking love that one yeah it's got magic it's got sorcery it's got Kim Ketrel it's it's got everything that you want was Kurt Russell playing a white guy in the movie he was tastefully yes out of respect yes thank you okay so like just quickly what stops the movie from being crap and makes it crap-tastic I guess like a movie that takes itself so, so seriously that it becomes hilarious, much like watching, you know, a Year 7 production of Hamlet or, you know, having, you know, the six-year-old lead prayer

over dinner, just stuff that is, which historically is fantastic and crap at the same. Yes. Your wants aren't real, little child. Let us get onto the roast. Number two is, Blood Sport. Now, this one is also crosses over into horny cinema. Why? Because of Jean-Claude Van Dam's ass. If you don't know, you need to know. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Right. Okay. And where, when's that from? When did he make that? Again, I believe it was around the 80s. Next, next we got a tie. We've got a tie between the movie Showgirls and Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. They're both wonderful movies, but very different in taste. So, So Bill and Ted's is just a fantastic teenage romp with a little bit of history,

a little bit educational in there, of course, a very young Keanu Reeves. Yeah, and a young Alex Winters in a crop top, which is a thing we would like to bring it back. We really want to bring back that trend. It is tied with a very different film, Showgirls, highly sexual. Which is a terrible movie. Yes, but again, so bad. It's good. It is so bad

That is not so bad that it's good That's just bad bad I think yeah Do you remember the pool scene? Yeah I don't remember any of it I remember thinking that was a shit movie I wish I hadn't gone to that movie

I think if you paid money to see it Like we have the benefit of like our first time viewing it Was part of a streaming service that we already paid for But if I had paid $25 to see this in cinema I would 100% agree with you Well, back then, I think it was Tuppens that we made. And our final craptastic recommendation. Okay, this one has an R rating triple X, okay?

This is not for the kids listening to the Chaser podcast, guys. So, Avert Your Ears now. This movie is called 365 Days. We know none of you have her. Sandinosa. Yes. Yes, S Sander. Okay.

Xander gets it. Zanda's been confused and horny while watching a movie for a while too. So, this film, even if you have a partner who you are intimate with, get them to leave the room. Watch this movie entirely alone, okay? This is a solo expedition. It will be weird for you for days afterwards. So this is the, I believe, Swedish or some European version. Polish.

There's a lot of crossover version of 50 shades of grey, but with a nice little taste of human trafficking in there, which is always fun. But a lot of beautiful panorama shots, though. It's a gorgeous film photography out of this world. What are the kind of panoramas? What kind of panoramas do you bring in for human trafficking? You've got like there's beautiful castles.

There's Mediterranean coastlines and, And, you know, just your standard human trafficking. It's sort of erotic. It sounds like it's erotic human trafficking. But with like a David Adambrough overtones. Is it sort of pretty woman style? Yeah, pretty much. Kind of.

That's actually scarcely caught. The storyline is this guy literally kidnaps a woman who looks like a vision he saw in a dream 10 years ago. and then for 365 days and he forces her to fall in love with him. But it's also basically, no. Wait, I don't get it. I'd do that. It's basically soft porn in a film.

I would say that's generous. It's hard porn. It's the hardest porn that I've ever seen. It's available on Netflix. Wow. Yeah. So that brings us to the end of our list. I hope there is, I think there's something in there for everyone.

I think we've covered all bases. Definitely. If you like Kurt Russell, if you love team rom-coms, if you love human trafficking, Stockholm Syndrome, sex dramas, Alex and Beck have something for everyone. So if you want to hear more of their movie recommendations and want to hear about more bad movies that guys recommend relentlessly, check out The Lady's Guide to Dude Cinema.

Thanks, guys. Thanks so much for having us. This episode is sponsored by the New South Wales government lockdown. If you see a homeless person not wearing a mask or walking around more than five kilometres away from their home, make sure to call the police immediately. The only way we can keep the community safe is through constant vigilance. Before we go, Alexa, there's some breaking news out of Canberra. Yeah, Scott Morrison has stumbled upon a groundbreaking metaphor for COVID

and what we need to do to get out of it. he's actually referenced a semi-successful cartoon from 2013. Right. Okay. Should we listen to it? It's like that movie in the Crudes. People wanted to stay in the cave. Some wanted to stay in the cave.

And that young girl, she wanted to go out and live again and deal with the challenges of living in a different world. Well, COVID is a new different world. And we need to get out there and live in it. We can't stay in the cave and we can get out of it safely. That's what the plan does. I think it really sums up Morrison's policy. platform. Everything's prehistoric.

Yes, that's it. Yes. He's a caveman sensibly. He's got a wife. He's got a daughter and a couple of daughters and he's yeah, he's got the family values of a caveman. And if you think about it, Parliament House is like a dark cave on a hill.

And there's heaps of predators around. Although that, I mean, you're giving too much credit to Scott and kind of talking down the cavemen. They're the ones who discovered fire. Scott's the guy who runs away from it. Well, this is, I mean, this is, This is a wonderful metaphor. I mean, this is his, I have a dream moment, isn't it, in terms of political rhetoric? So what we need to do is we need to show Morrison more animated movies in order to update his policy platforms.

So I think we show him Wally, the Lorax, just really get him on those pro-environmental films, and it'd be all up to date. Actually, I've got a really good idea. Why don't we show him Frozen? You know how Dom's on a break because he's being driven mad by Frozen? you show him frozen and he'll want to go on a break because he'll be so irritated by it and then we'll get rid of Morrison

That's fantastic And everything will be back on track Well I thought the issue was that he was already on a break Oh yeah It's surprising he turned up Our gear is from road microphones And we're part of the ACAS creator network And today

Code Word is just suggest a movie For Morrison to watch Give us five stars on Apple reviews Thank you.