The Chaser Report - The $1600 Butter Chicken

Episode Date: July 23, 2020

This week, Dom discovers the world's most expensive Indian meal, Charles takes Donald Trump's cognitive test and Nina finds out how to place a hex on the moon. Plus the latest Chaser headlines with Rebecca De Unamuno. 
 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In times like these, it's important to know who you can trust. At last, a new source that's reliably reliable, informatively informational and never wrong. Unfortunately, you're not listening to it. Instead, you're listening to The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth and with me are Nina Oyama and Dom Knight. Terrible news after terrible news. about COVID, especially down in Melbourne.

But the worst thing that happened during the week was that of the 3,500 people who've been told to self-isolate in the last few days, 2,000 of them have said that they actually didn't isolate. So basically two-thirds of people who have been told to self-isolate don't self-isolate when told. I mean, how selfish are these people? These people, like, they're ruining for all of us. Can't they just get a little bit of self-control and just do what they were told? Like, it only takes two days for the test to come back. Well, I have a confession to make. I actually got a test done and then I did not self-isolate for the required two days. So...

Why? Why? Did you have essential work that you had to go to to make money? Because that would be understandable. No, I wanted to see some friends. And you're a super spreader, Oh, Yama. What are you doing? Well, okay, I've got a lot of reasons for this. The first is that I'm a very busy person. And so, like, I have to, you know, take social life.

Sorry. It was essential. Essential social life. It was an essential part. Yeah, I'm an essential socialite. So that's my reason. We're not a podcast anymore. We're a cluster.

Sorry. No, I'm kidding. But I do also, my other reason is, that I didn't get tested because I had symptoms. I hadn't been in contact with anyone that had symptoms. I had not been in contact with a cluster, but I was getting like a dental checkup. And so I thought the nice thing to do would be to testify a coronavirus.

Yeah. The nice thing to do would be to break, breach all the public health orders and put hundreds of people at risk just so that you could go and socialise. Well, okay, I didn't like go out to a bar or anything. Like we went to my friend's house and there was. Which is where it spreads more. because you're enclosed. But there was three people there.

We did social distancing. Like, it was very, like, I didn't hug anyone. No. We did, we foot touched to say hello. You know, I was sacrificing a lot here. Well, I think maybe. And the test came back negative. Oh, oh, thank God.

Oh, well, then that makes it all right. Am I fired? Yes. You fight. Go away. I don't want to talk to you anymore. Well, coming up on the show, Dom, what are you got on the show today? I've got another rundown of the crazy fines people have got for breaching lockdown

orders. And all I can say is well done, Australia. Huge week. Nina, what are you going to talk about your betrayer of public health orders? Well, I've been spending a lot of time on TikTok, so I'm going to tell you all about what I've discovered. And I'm going to be talking about Donald Trump. But first of all, let's go to Rebecca Dana-Muno with the Chaser News headline. People across America dying of preventable disease in for-profit prisons, where they are being detained without cause after being arrested by secret police for protesting racism, have today reported that they may not actually be living in the greatest country on earth after reflecting

on the situation. Experts said they would comment, but they feared reprisals by an out-of-control, pedophile well-wishing Russian-backed president. Josh Frydenberg has defied expectations and announced that he is expecting Australia to be in a massive surplus by the end of the year. The budget update comes after the government enabled loot boxes in the latest version of the COVID-safe app. The loot boxes can be unlocked through expensive in-app purchases.

The treasurer denied that it would affect the functionality of the app because the app doesn't do anything anyway. The Herald Sun newspaper has blasted Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews for not locking down enough, leading to a second wave of the coronavirus. The Herald Sun said that Daniel Andrews should not have listened to its campaign against lockdowns when working out what to do. That's the Chaser News headlines. Thanks, Bick.

Hey, Bick, are you sick of the coronavirus? Oh, yeah, I'm completely over it. It just makes me so stressed talking about it. Well, let's just stop talking about it. Good idea. Let's talk about something less depressing. From now on, we'll only talk about climate collapse, the growing use of secret police in America,

and the looming global conflict with China. Great idea. That'll really take my stress levels down a notch. Oh, God, our ratings are fucked. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. This episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored. by the year 2021, only six months away. Charles and Nina, another very big week in the COVID-19 world, of course, pretty scary.

Lots of clusters in New South Wales and in Victoria, the case count just keeps being huge. And yet, and yet people keep trying to break out of lockdown in incredibly stupid ways and getting absurdly huge fines. So it's time for another. Vine Watch. Yes, a segment where we look at what everyone is doing despite this massive pandemic. And let's head to Victoria, first of all,

where a man drove all the way from Werribee to the Melbourne CBD, that is 35Ks for the non-Victorians, to buy, and I quote, a specific type of butter chicken. Yes, yes, I heard about this one. This is, but I asked my son about this when this happened, and he went, well, hell yeah, it's but a chicken. That's worth copping a fine for.

Well, the fine is $1,652, Charles. What does that make any? I do think there is, it was like a specific butter chicken. And you know when you have like a craving for like only one thing? And even if that thing is halfway across the city, I feel like you've got to get it, you know? I think that there should be written into the health and safety laws, things where, you know, if it is a specific, you know,

and not just butter chicken, but, you know, go chicken, lamb, coma. If there's a specific one, then you should be allowed. There should be an exemption. Yeah, I reckon that everyone should get a whole pass. Like, you know that thing where everyone gets a celebrity, they're allowed to sleep with, that their partner is not allowed to worry about. Like, I feel like you should get a whole pass for, like, very specific foods.

For one dish, that would be a good system. If you just nominate one dish, I mean, I've gone across the city before for coffee. Admittedly, not during a pandemic. Yeah. We shouldn't do that in Melbourne because I think every single Melbourneite. You know what the, this butter chicken guy, the mistake he made was not being Nicole Kidman and having his own chef and getting all, like, exempted from all the fines and quarantines and everything like that because he's a massive celebrity.

That was the mistake he made. Huge mistake. Yeah, it's a very common mistake. I make that mistake all the time of not having a chef. Yes. Although there is upside in not being Nicole Kidman. I mean, my face muscles can move. Now, so 35Ks for that.

Another woman in Victoria went even further. She got busted partway through a trip of more than 100 kilometres from Melbourne to the surf coast to catch some waves. And once again, 1652 was the final. Have you ever wanted to surf that bad, Nina? If you've wanted to catch a wave and Hank 10? No, never. Me neither. Look, I think this one is also a bit unfair, which is you kind of, you kind of.

You can't, like, that is a specific exercise that that person wanted to do. And you can't surf in Melbourne. Definitely not. Famously not. Yeah, famously. I tried in the Yarra and really it doesn't work out. But even Daneson killed a bit, like, you have to go outside of Melbourne. So in some ways, she was actually going to the closest place that she could do that exercise.

Yeah, the cops didn't see it that way. But it's true. Melbourne, it famously has shit beaches. Sorry, Melbourne. Good lane ways, but shit beaches. You know, her mistake. was that she wasn't a CEO who loved golf because you are allowed to travel to your nearest golf course.

But, you know, but the point is you've just got to become a CEO of a multinational organisation who's into golf and then you'll be fine. Yeah, it's super easy guys, just become a CEO. I don't understand why everyone isn't a CEO. Yeah, and, you know, if you're not, then bloody will stay home. How is there not a chase a golf course somewhere that we can all? Let's work on that. Now, I think we're okay with that woman too.

So the big tick from the committee here, what about this one? Now, you know Shisha, the tobacco and there's the kind of hose pipe and all that. Yes. You have it in Turkish restaurants and so. I have dabbled in Shisha. All right. I've had it too. It's good stuff.

The apple, tobacco, all that sort of stuff. Tobacco, yeah. Yeah, tobacco. That's right. That's what we endorse here. Now, three people were caught smoking Shisha early on Monday morning. They were all given fines. And the most extraordinary part of this story is that they were all.

in a public toilet. Let's just start with that. Well, smoking shisha in a public toilet, is that a good location for that, for that buzz? I'm going to say no as well to that. Everyone knows you smoke behind the toilets, not in the toilet. I think they had a problem with their, you know... At the back. Yeah. I thought, you know, you can smoke in a toilet in your house, you know, just so like mum doesn't catch you with the shisha. That makes sense.

Yeah, hypothetically. Yeah. Some moms are cool with Shisha. I don't know your mum, I hope that it was a women's toilet because the men's public toilets stink. They do. Maybe that's why they had to have the shisha. If you have enough shish, it's medicinal, yeah. So another question about this.

It was based on a public tip-off. Someone rang the cops and said, officer, there are people having fun. Is that a legit thing to do? Tipping off about the shisha in the toilet. Are you a snitch or are you a concerned citizen? I feel like you're a snitch. I feel like if people were to smoke shisha,

in the toilet, that is their funeral. Because that's... Yeah, yeah, there's punishment enough. Yeah, exactly. Like, if you're smoking shishers in the toilet, that's all. You don't need to lose money. You've already... You're already at the bottom of your life.

You know, the mistake these guys made, though, smoking the shisha, was that they were Middle Eastern. And that's why somebody snitched on them. If they'd just been white Australians, then no one would have, you know, better than eyelid. That's their mistake. They should just not be Middle Eastern. Maybe the person who doved them in said, can I have some?

And it was knocked back and like, well, I'm calling the cops on you. All right, moving on. Now, the Queensland border is closed to New South Wales, as we know. But one enterprising gentleman got into a car boot and tried to cross the border. Busted in a random check. And the cop who found him said, well, hello, buddy. Very Queensland. Gidea, mate.

$4,003 fine. Is that too much for entering Queensland? Oh, that's bad, isn't it? Yeah, that's a lot of money. You know what they should have done? He should have been Danny Minogue, who got to skip quarantine and go into a hotel on the Gold Coast without having to go through any of the processes and didn't get any fine for it either. That's what he should have done.

He should have just been Danny Monogue. We all should have just been Danny Monogue. We've always wanted, everyone's wanted to be Danny Monogue here at this time. Yeah, the clearly inferior sibling. Yeah, yeah. All right. Now, over in W.A, this is a fairly extraordinary one. So, AFL football is back.

The first game back with crowds happened in W.A. Between Collingwood and Geelong. Now, there's no COVID over there. It's basically safe pretty much. So a 28-year-old guy ran out onto the pitch and headed straight for the players. What do you think his fine was for doing that? It would have been quite steep.

Potentially, well, I haven't actually awarded it. But they're pushing for, a certain number. What do you reckon? Oh, I'm going to highball this one and say 50,000. I was going to say 500. The correct amount is $50,000. Oh, you've got it exactly right.

I fully guessed that as well. I haven't read that news at all. That's amazing for streaking. Was it streaking or was it closed? Streaking's not as bad. It was, I think he had his clothes on. And he was just coughing all over everybody. That's what it was.

It was, they designated the field as an official quarry. quarantine zone so that it was technically they were in Victoria ruddy ground and old people in the towns are in W.A. So 50 grand is what they'll put it for. So actually Peter Dutton was the minister in charge of that football field. Well no wonder. I'm surprised it wasn't execution. Yeah, they called it the AFL princess and no one stopped it. Now, uh, not too far off the athlete. That's what he should have called himself Ruby Princess and then he would have been allowed on the field. Yeah. Same with the dude in Queensland. Okay, but look, it has been, I think we'd all agree, an extraordinary week for fines.

But let's finish with my absolute favourite of the week. The biggest fine and the greatest achievement in rule breaking during COVID. This week is in Sydney, where 60 people were partying at an Airbnb in Schofields. 20 people is limited at the moment. So someone called the cops, the neighbours were not happy, called the cops. They sent officers from six local area commands

and the dog squad and a helicopter to shut down a party. Overkill, yes or no? What do you think, Nana? Yes, I'm going to say overkill. Oh, I just think, like, the bar has got so much higher since our day, Don. It doesn't it? We've said, like, the local cops from the, one cop shop coming down and shutting us down. Could you, yeah, and it wasn't even shutting us down.

It was like, could you be a bit quieter? Yeah, no choppers. What's with that? But I reckon, I don't know, how much were they find, would they find a lot? Yes, I didn't get to that. So there's more than 60 people at the party. Yeah. The cops are going for $1,000 each.

Yeah, I reckon that's totally worth it because that's an anecdote that will, you know, like $1,000 you can earn back. Whereas... With your book about the party. Exactly. With your Corey Worthington sunglasses and the interview. It's worth it for the anecdote. Yep.

Now, the thing about this Airbnb in Schofield is that there was another out-of-control party, the previous weekend. And I love this. The host says if there is a party, there's a two, thousand dollar fine so they've got 60 grand and two thousand bucks from the host but check this out i actually went looking on Airbnb and i found the house it's still available 11 previous guests rated it as sparkling clean do you want to have a party in schofields on saturday night yes we clearly it's a great suburb for parties and people throw great great rages there

although i'm thinking what we should do is we should definitely have a party with 60 people but if we move it to say Mossman or the Eastern Subbers, or Point Piper, say, for example, then we won't actually be busted for it. That's a great idea. The helicopters, the choppers will come down and they'll just be like, just checking you're having fun.

The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whispers. Okay, so Dom and Charles, do you know what TikTok is, right? You explained it to us before. It's some sort of newfangled kidsy video. Is it like Vine, which was there 10 years ago?

That's how I'm thinking of it. Yeah, it's like a modern day version of Vine. It's like 15 second to one minute videos and they're usually very entertaining and you scroll through them on this thing called the for you page but it is mostly teenagers and sometimes they get up to pretty crazy things like this this time the new trend on TikTok is teens look at this you guys dressing up as elderly women complete with a mask and using a fake ID to buy alcohol one video has more than two million views and counting so obviously this is illegal we are not promoting minors you

using disguises to buy alcohol, okay? Every teenager in American goes, at last, the mother load. What do you guys think about this, this method to get booze? This is genius. This is genius. I mean, a lot of our friends could passers like grandparents when they were young. Julian Morrow was, when he was 20, he looked 70. So I presume he was already doing it.

I presume there'll be like three or four hours preparation getting dressed. But that's actually the main activity. that these kids are doing. Actually, the alcohol at the end is probably just this afterthought. Oh, yeah, we bought some alcohol. Now that we've done this, we may as well. But as a parent, you want your kids to be doing creative things like dressing up. This is genius.

It's just like a way to, you know, expend their time essentially because they've got nothing to do. Yeah. You know, look, I don't want to implicate myself here, but have you got any TikToks of old 40-something slubs dressing themselves up as young hot people? I want to check that out. Sorry, I don't think it's possible to go in the reverse direction. Sorry to inform. But speaking of this, did you use any creative ways to buy booze when you were younger?

Yeah, well, actually, I was thinking about it. I did, we used to buy booze when we were 16 and 17. And the way we do is my parents bought me a suit for a funeral that I had to go to, which included a tie and everything like that. and I would just put that on and I'm sure actually just looking back that the bartenders just knew that I was

you know really young but I'd put such effort into it that they took pity on me I was always able to get into bars Yeah they were like this child has clearly come from a funeral and it's a need of a whiskey Yeah Charles when you were 17 The pimples made you look 17 I'm really sorry

But it meant that every time you know There was another funeral I was like yes I booze Well, look, I was actually, and Charlesville backed up on this, I was a very, very boring and law-abiding a teenager. I was awful in that respect. But the one thing that I had, and I suggest this is a hack for any teens listening,

was that, and this is to my disgrace, I was quite Christian in those days. But if you're Christian, you go to church and you get some blood of Christ. And if you just keep going to multiple services during the day, you can get your buzz on by the 7pm. So is that how you did pre-drinks before our parties, you just went church hopping every day.

Yeah, except that there wasn't a party. That were all the things I had. Do you think it goes both ways, though? Like, do you think there's anything you could dress up as a child to get free stuff for? Maybe not a child, but do you think, is it anyway, you could disguise yourselves? With this face, no, but I'm imagining if you could do it,

you could get like half-priced the movies, you get cheap rides. Yeah, don't kids get free meals all the time? Yeah, yeah. For tellies, you get free meals if you're under 12. Oh, yeah, free pizza? Yeah, exactly. But, no, I think it would have to be that we would dress up as seniors

because they also get lots of discounts. They do, yeah, $1 buses and all that. I reckon, especially Dom would be able to pass off as a 70-year-old without much. I don't think you guys need to dress up. Yeah, exactly. I'm just imagining, though, wouldn't it be awesome if the cops

developed like a squad, like 21 Jump Street of adults. That's an old show in the 80s, neither. I was actually rebooted in the 2000s. About an adult who could dress up as kids. They could catch a lot of Catholic priests that way. Maybe that's what all those people who had parties need to do. They just need to dress up as grandmas at the parties.

And then the cops will be like, oh, it's just a little congregation of old nannas. I assume that's what life in an old folks home is actually like. Like just basically boozy very, very hard. Yes. With someone to put you to bed at the end. Yeah, this sounds awesome. I'm going to become 75. You always were, Charles.

That's not the only inventive thing teens have been doing to distract themselves from the pandemic. Sorry, can I just interrupt you, Nina? Yeah. But you basically our teen correspondent, hey, are you so hip and youthful that you're here to just tell us what the kids are doing, eh? Well, I'm, I am 18, as everyone knows. No, I'm 26, but I spend a lot of my time on TikTok and so I feel young, you know. I'm like a toolie, but just for someone on the internet. Yeah, I'm a TikTok toolie.

So do you actually participate in any of the things or do you just watch? Oh no, I have made a few TikTok videos. But I always get savaged by teens because they're always like, you're too old to be here. You're past it. Yeah, and one of them said,

you need to watch a makeup tutorial because my makeup wasn't up to scratch. Charles, I think we're learning why your chaser TikTok account has been bad. Oh, right. Too old. Get them off this platform. Several decades too old.

Fuck off, grandpa. But teens have been doing other stuff on TikTok as well, more inventive things. So some TikTok teens have taken up this activity called Rando Norting. Have you guys heard of Rando Norting? Of course not. I'm 43 years old. Do you want to take a guess at what you think it is?

Because I want to hear your thoughts and then I'll let you know what it actually is. Rando Norton. I reckon it's something like you just randomly catch different forms of public transport, not knowing where they'll go. And you sort of, it's like astronauts for, poor kids, initially. Yeah, no, I don't have as good a suggestion as that. I mean, the spirit of adventure is there, but it's not quite public transport related.

Given that it's, um, given that this is 2020. There is a pandemic going on Charles. Oh, okay. Is it like Zoom bombing or something, like going into random video chats and something like that? No, it's more, it's closer to Charles's one. Basically, Randonauting is when you go on like an app on your phone called Randonautica and you set an intention in your mind for what you want to find, then the app gives you, you randomly generated coordinates, and those coordinates help you find your intention.

Oh. And do they go to those coordinates? Yeah, so the coordinates, they appear in your Google Maps, and then you go there. And you can set your intention to be like birds, but you can also set your intention to be like scary or inspiring. And the most famous random incident was when these teams set it to scary, and then they found a dead body in a suitcase. Oh, God.

So it's quite a mystical app. But then there was also... Did the app kill the person and put it in the suitcase? Of course it did. Obviously. Very realistic. But I guess would you try this? Well, not with the dead bodies in the suitcase.

We don't have to set your intention to scary. I definitely wouldn't because if I chose a thing and then lots of teenagers turn up to the same place around Norting, they'd be very, very scared. Oh, yeah, I'll give it a good world. Is it on your phone or something that you can do it? on. Yeah, you can download it on your phone and you can do it anywhere. This is not an ad for

Randonaut by the way. Go and record yourself this week doing a Randonaut challenge. Okay, I'm going to do a Randonaut challenge. And what should I set it as? Should I set it as scary or happy or? I like the idea of my intention is happiness. Yeah. Yeah, because I haven't had that in years. I've got kids. Okay, happiness. We'll give it a go. It just leads you straight into the ocean.

No, Charles will let him straight into this bar. It'll be into a suitcase, right? I'll just sit in here for a moment and see what happened. So speaking of mystical stuff, this brings me to my final TikTok story, which is about witches on TikTok. Have you heard of this witch talk? No. No.

I think you can just assume that you've never heard of any of this stuff. So basically a bunch of young witches on TikTok are trying to put a hex on the moon, and everyone is really angry at them because the moon is supposed to be very powerful. So if you put a hex on the moon, that's like the worst thing you can do as a witch. Right. So is that basically like slapping God or spitting at baby Jesus or something? Yeah, pretty much. And what are they? Are they, do they not like tides or something? What did the moon do? Yeah.

Well, what did they got against the moon? I don't know. I think they're just bored. They're like, it's a pandemic. Like, let's put a hex on the moon. Haven't you guys ever just run out of things to do and thought, why not put a hex on the moon? Because what, 2020 doesn't have enough awful things already? Like the moon is retaliating. Yeah, I mean, like how much worse can it get? Well, actually, supposedly the worst year in history,

it'll check the set, the year 536, when the sun disappeared for 18 months. It was literally pitch black. This is after volcanic eruption. So you're going to be careful about hexing celestial objects, or they might disappear for a very long time. Well, apparently Marianne Williamson, who was a presidential candidate at a long point.

So she's also a witch. She's also Oprah's best friend. And she said that the witches would be better off putting a hex on Trump. So who would you put a hex on? Well, I think this whole hexing thing is, bullshit. I mean, if Marianne could hex people, she would, she'd be the nominee right now. She would have hex Joe Biden for sure. Well, maybe she's just

sitting back, putting a hex on Trump. Yeah, playing the long game. Yeah, I mean, if her hex has made the world get in a global pandemic, so Trump will definitely lose. I mean, possibly not worth it, but maybe it is. You know, with all the cuts in

university education, you know what I'd put a hex on? What? Hex. Sorry. That was one for the kids I thought you'd understand I'm hexing you for that joke Yeah I'm hexing you for that joke too

The Chaser Report Less news Less often This episode of The Chaser Report Is sponsored by the year 2021 Now with more coronavirus Guys we haven't talked about

Donald Trump for a little while So true So I thought it would be time To have another This is the Donald Trump segment Okay so I want to talk about an interview that Trump did during the week with Fox News as Chris Wallace. And it is true.

I watched the whole interview during the week. It was 40 minutes long. And early on, Chris Wallace already just starts getting right into him. And he actually quoted Trump. He put to Trump, quoting him about the coronavirus from a few weeks ago. I think that at some point that's going to sort of just disappear. My question to you guys is, if you had, if you're in. an interview, in an interview, and you were Donald Trump, and you had said a few weeks ago

that the virus would just disappear, and then the virus surged in your country, how would you spin it? What would be your talking point? I think I'd say, look, you've misunderstood. What I meant was 130,000 people would disappear. I'm right. I did it. Yeah, I think I would, I would say, I was a grammatical error. I would say the virus would just this appear. Like, it was Shakespeare in English. Yes, and that you had misunderstood. Yes, yeah. Well, this is how Trump actually spun.

I'll be right eventually. I will be right eventually. You know, I said, it's going to disappear. I'll say it again. It's going to disappear. And I'll be right. I don't think so. Right.

I don't think so. You know why it doesn't describe it? Because I've been right probably more than anybody else. Oh. Wow. So this is the whole reason why you guys are not the U.S. president, guys. Because you're not bending reality. Like, because actually, I'll tell you, the truth about watching this interview is you start going,

oh, maybe he will be right. Maybe it will just disappear, you know, I mean, herpes just disappeared, didn't it? Not from your system. No, well, that's the thing. I was just thinking, like, I was going to make the joke, oh, the Spanish flu disappeared from 19. But it hasn't. No. It's still here.

H1N1. It's still infecting people today. It came back as the coronavirus. Maybe it'll never disappear. Wait. Does this mean Donald? Trump's ever going to disappear? He was going to disappear there forever.

Anyway, then the interview talked about the mortality rate in the US. Now, how would you guys characterize the mortality rate, which is amongst the worst in the world? How would you spin it? A work in progress. Look, we've learned a lot of things. Version 2.0 is going to be much less deafy. Oh, I like that.

That sounds very Trumpian as well. Well, I would do that. I would just lean into it, and I would say, our mortality rate, it's a lot of. the biggest in the world, and I'm not lying about it, it is the biggest, because, you know, that would be the one thing that he says that's actually true. Yeah, highest tower of corpses of anywhere in the world. Nina, you are correct. You have the numbers, please?

Because I heard we had the best mortality, right? Oh, no. And what actually ended up happening, because they didn't have this huge fight, and they actually cut the interview because they started arguing over pieces of paper. The Fox News guy was using the US figures done by John Hopskin. University and John's Hopskins University. Is that the group? John's Hopkins.

John's Hopkins. What a fucking stupid name. Using Johns Hopkins University's figures, whereas Trump didn't want the US figures. He got the figures from Europe, which had excluded all these countries that were good at the mortality rate. Hang on. So he got a different country's mortality rate and was like, this is our country. Yeah.

And he said, well, no, it had the US on it. it excluded a whole lot of countries that were doing better than the U.S. So it sort of made it look like the U.S. was doing quite well on mortality, right? And again, you sort of watching it going, maybe he's got a point. And then you go, no, he doesn't have a point. He's just, but he literally was going, no, we've got the best mortality rate in the world. That was the message he was sending out. Well, the numbers are going to go down very sharply in America immediately

because Trump's taken over all the number collecting. He said the CDC can't do it. All the numbers are coming to us. So as from next week, there we know more deaths. It's going to be fine. It's going to be great. That's true. If you don't get tested for coronavirus, you'll never know if you don't have it.

And if you don't have the amount of deaths, you'll never have any more deaths. I love it. I love it. Let's go back to the Chris Wallace interview. Trump gets asked about his mental competence, right? And, you know, it's a sort of difficult thing because it's basically you're asking the commander and chief of the biggest military in the world, you know, are you mentally competent? do you have dementia?

And this is how Trump responded. Let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down. Joe and I will take a test. Let him take the same test that I took. Incidentally, I took the test too when I heard that you passed it.

It's not the hardest test. No, but the last picture and it's a let's not and it's an elephant. No, no, I see, that's all misrepresentation. Well, that's what it was on the web. It's all misrepresentation. Because, yes, the first few questions are easy, but I'll bet you couldn't even answer

the last five questions. questions. I'll bet you couldn't. They get very hard the last five questions. Well, one of them was come back from 100 by 7. And let me tell you, and you couldn't answer. Did you hear that guy in the background? Yeah, no, let's just do it again. He's saying

93. He's saying 93. An advisor to Trump is actually telling Trump the answer. And you? 93. You can hear him saying 93 to Trump. I think we found the elephant in the room. Anyway, so I thought

we should go through this test and actually work out, you know, whether the last five questions are really hard. Actually, I'll just give you a few questions from the test first just to warm you up before we get to the really hard last five questions. So the first one is, what is the similarity between these two things? So, you know, like if I say banana and orange, then you'd answer fruit is the... So train and bicycle.

What's the similarity there? Their transport? Correct. well done this is a hard day i was going to say 93 as a joke and then i and i was like yeah i don't want anyone to take me away for having dementia i'm too young to have dementia okay dom watch and ruler watch and ruler yeah um what's the similarity um they're both objects is it they're measuring yeah they're measuring device oh dear i've got dementia because you know the you know the test is because the actual guy who invented it said

It's not a test that you can ace or not aise. If you get one question wrong, we take away your driver's license. Here's my driver's license. Good luck getting home, Dom. We'll go to the last five questions because they are the ones that Donald Trump claims are the hardest. Okay, the fifth last question is, what month is it? Like right now. Hang on, that's a very tough question in 2020.

It's COVID-ness. I love how you're patting as you can quickly look it up on your phone. What month is it? I feel like it's July, but I don't know for sure. These are not trick questions. This is the actual last five questions. What year is it? That's obviously 20, 20, the worst year in the history of fucking years.

Correct, you're icing. You're Donald Trump level of mental competence. Thank you. The third last question is, what place are you in at the moment? Where are you at the moment? What, like physically? Yeah, physically. Existential dread?

Yeah. And the last question, the hardest question in the test, the one that Donald Trump claims he aced. What city are you in right now? 93. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. This episode of The Chaser Report is sponsored by the year 2021, and you thought 2020 was bad. That's the end of the show.

Oh, wait a minute. We've got some breaking news headlines from Rebecca Day into Murdo. Researchers at the CSIRO have announced they have developed a new SCOMO holiday index to better predict pending disasters. The decision comes after the Prime Minister went to Hawaii at the beginning of the bushfires and then took a week off, just as the second wave of the pandemic hit. Researchers say the next time Scott Morrison goes on holidays, they expect Australia will face a zombie apocalypse.

I'm always surprised by that. Yeah, can't you read the piece of paper where it says, late-breaking update from Rebecca? Anyway, well, I just saw that maybe sometimes, you know, it doesn't always necessarily, well, It does, yeah, okay, 15 nil so far. Anyway, that's it for us. Check us out online at chaser.com.com. You find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. And Nina, have you looked us up on TikTok yet?

No, not yet. Well, we're at chaser.com.com. You on TikTok. She goes on it to find younger people to laugh at. I don't go to find younger people. I just, they come up on my feed. Sure, sure, Nina. Search for the Chaser report in your podcast app.

Remember to hit subscribe. And also, please remember to review. it with a five-star review. And by the way, code word for this week is potato. Put it in your review. Thanks to our producer, Mike Liberali. And we're going to leave you with a very special

preview of, because the Bachelor in Paradise launched this week. Yeah, it did. But I'll tell you what. It's very different to last year's version. Get ready for a wet and wild summer with Bachelor in lockdown 2020. sexy singles trapped in their own homes due to COVID-19, getting it on via Zoom.

Who will find love? I came here for Kieran from The Bachelorette Season 5, and I'm so excited to finally see his face through a screen, even though I've sort of already been doing that by stalking his Instagram. Who will meet their future husband or wife? I only signed up for this show because I thought we were going to an island. Who will get naked? I've been depression eating ice cream for the last few weeks, so I do have.

have a bit of a dead bod. And who will get it on? We were like chatting and flirting, and he started taking off his shirt. And then his NBN connection cut out. Find out on The Bachelor in lockdown. You have heaps of spare time now, so what else are you going to do?