The Chaser Report - The 2025 Election Begins

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

After a decade of waiting, Anthony Albanese finally called the election today (we hope lol), so Charles and Dom boldly set the tone for what Australia is in for over the coming six weeks. Apologies for Dom's audio. We are not delulu about the quality. Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enGive us money:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. As the Nation hears this podcast, the Prime Minister may well be on the way to Government House to meet with Governor General Sam Moston and to ask her to declare the engine started for election 2025, Charles. It is the big day, or is it? We don't actually know. No, no, no, no, Dom, Dom, Dom, Dom, you're not a fucking professional here. We know.

We're going to be, we're going to call it. Anthony Albanyzi this morning will announce that the election is on the 3rd of May. Anthony, Anthony Albanese, this morning will announce that the election is on the 10th of May. Anthony Alvinisi this morning will announce that the election is on the 17th of May. Anthony Albanyi this morning suspended Australia's democracy and claimed wartime powers and will rule for the next 10 years. And an unprecedented move that I can't say is in any way bad because of the wartime powers. Charles, this is a big day for Australian democracy. And it's a big day for the chaser.

We've always prided ourselves on covering elections. But it does raise a big question, I guess. Why? The very first TV project was the election chaser. It was your idea, Charles, in 2001, to cover the campaign. And we've spent so much time obsessing about elections during TV series. Why? Why did we choose to do that?

Why on earth have we spent signs of my career paying attention to Australian politics? What's wrong with us, Charles? Well, I think that it's very healthy that we've become more jaded over time. I think the problem with being in your 20s and even in your 30s is that you sort of believe that things can improve. But actually, if you look at the course of humanity, the whole condition of humanity is one of decay. But the truth is that you just, you just literally, you start out really hopeful and, like, everyone just eventually dies. Like, they just get worse and worse and worse, and then

you die. And this is more than half of our lives, Charles, we've spent doing this chaser thing. Yes. We spent following elections. I mean, you, I mean, I think the reason, the real reason why we did it is because we were a bit delulu about, about how important this stuff is. Do we have any salusus? Yes, we did. We thought starting a satirical. newspaper. I think you were quite sincere about it at the time, I seemed to remember. We thought that would actually make a difference to anything at all. So anyway, what we'll do in tribute to our former selves, our former more earnest and passionate selves, let's go through all the major election issues and just sort of, you

know, identify the themes that this election's going to have. In the unlikely, you're up for that. Stay with us after these ads. Okay, so the first question, I think, is. youth slang. Now, that is the big campaign issue. Yeah. So we just have a little bit here, Loughlin, of the Prime Minister attempting to speak, influence it. They are Dululu with no salulu, Mr Speaker. So the thing is, Lockland, our producer, he told me that this was youth slang this morning. I didn't realise that, because I just used that sort of language all the time. It's

very common around my house. I'm sort of hip to the jive and very up. with the kids. Apparently that sort of stuff isn't even parliamentary style sort of, it's only what the kids use now does and me. Right. So, I mean, I guess to be question, we don't know this at the time of recording Charles, but did peter up in the opposition leader attempt to one up the prime minister by giving the whole budget reply in youth speak? Because that would have been, that would have been an amazing move. He got up and talked about fuel exercises and cutting the cost of petrol on a per tank basis using that sort of language. What would you, What do you say?

He did a Cotulu on the Tanculu? I don't know. I can't speak. You speak? Ah, look. He probably did it in Pig Latin because that would have been hip back in. Which century was he born in? The sort of, what, the 19th century?

The 18th century? Well, I mean, it's hard to know because it was in Queensland. I think there's up there, Charles. Yeah, they've got a different calendar. Have they gone with the Julian calendar yet, or are they still on the Gregorian calendar? Yeah, I don't know. Actually, and does that mean, does that mean their election is a different day? Wouldn't that be fascinating?

You know how in India they vote across the course of a home? Yeah. And the election kind of banwayed and goes from town to town. That would be a great way to do it. Who would vote first, do you think? Sydney. Yeah. I mean, what's the advantage of voting first?

Actually, if Sydney voted first and we knew the result, every other city and everywhere else would vote the opposite way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all hate us so much. Yeah. So you've got to get the shitty little places first. So Adelaide and Melbourne first. And then the decide.

Yeah, and then Sydney should vote last because it then. Yeah, yeah. And it just decides the election. I love that. Okay. So, but the next theme of the election is how far up the ass should each party suck? Right. Of Trump.

Like how far up. You're mixing metaphors there, aren't you? What? The visual image you've just crum. created is quite statological there. So how far up the ass of Trump should one suck? I mean, Charles, isn't the objective at this point, the direct opposite of that? It hasn't Peter Dutton been trying very hard to distance himself, distance himself from Donald Trump?

And people have... But don't you think... The term Timo Trump has been used, Charles. No, but in... In Australian... In Australian terms, distancing yourself means, oh, I'll just slightly remove myself from Trump's ass. Like, is it, like, no one's going, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get out of Trump's ass. Like, no Australian politician is going to be that bold.

Like, you know, we're still paying $800 million a month to Orcus, right? Like, the questions that should we go hard on Orcus or should we go even harder on August? Like, literally that's, like, I mean, like, there's no, like, or do you think that this is a defining election where Australia suddenly finds its feet on an independent war, sort of, international stage. Well, definitely not. I mean, obviously Trumpet of Patriots is the team that is going hardest in the pro-Trump race.

But I don't know, did you hear recently the Americans saying that we might not even get orcas, we might get an American submarine base where the Americans run American submarines and somehow we still pay for that? But that would actually... But that would actually... But that would actually be an improvement on the current August deal. Because the current Orcus deal, the base for the Orcus subs is going to be on the west coast of the USA. That's where our quote unquote subs are going to be housed.

What? Yes. So, yes, I promise you. I have talked to the person in Devat who is responsible for Orcas. And he said, no, no, the whole point is America won't not do it because it's so much in their favor. Like literally, so the agreement is simply that they'll come and visit us in Perth occasionally. It's not that they'll be based there. They'll be based in the US, even after we've, quote, unquote, taken responsibility for them. And the whole point is, it'll just be that

we're paying for the upkeep of them. It's not that we actually get to base them in our country. I'm wondering about a slight fact check here, particularly because they're talking about making them in Australia in the longer term. But I do think Charles will be a more honest arrangement. If we just accepted that, you know, they were never going to be Australian submarines. It's just basically a garrison that somehow we're funding. It doesn't involve any ambiguity about whose submarines actually were, would never at any point. You know where they should...

You know where they should base the submarines. Pine Gap. Because the Americans already sort of have position of that. We built a canal. Yes. Yes. So that is the part of Australia that they're most keen to preserve, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, totally.

It's the one place you know that they'll defend. Yeah, to the very end. I think Kerrubilly House is also a place you could have a submarine. Just get them. I mean, they're across the harbouring in Garden Island, potentially. But I think you want them right there in Kiribilly House, just sort of hanging out. So any prime ministers who need to make a quick getaway and do so in the event of an invasion. And in fact, the prime minister, apparently these things can stay underwater for months at a time.

So if a prime minister really wants to, you know, go missing, they literally can. Yeah. Well. During election campaign or whenever. Well, Albo's been underwater in the polls for months at a time. So, me. Although not anymore. It sounds like this might actually be a real race. And yeah, this is probably thanks to Donald Trump. It's not something else. I mean, as with Canada, the Canadian elections now a genuine toss-up if it wasn't. Yeah. Yeah, the conservatives were 20 points ahead. Yeah, that's right.

Donald Trump started trying to win either Canada. So yeah, look, it is. There's a huge, there's a crucial difference there, Dom, which is that the Canadian liberal government started standing up against Trump. And that's what did this massive popularity surge for them, right? Like, it was literally a 27-point turnaround. Now, that has not happened here and is not going to happen here. So I think, like, you're right. Like, there was a 20-point surge on the table for Labor, and Labor went, no, we don't want that.

We want to stay up the ass. We want to stay up Trump's ass. There's a great view up here. I mean, I just don't think any Australians, Charles, realistically think that moving away for America is viable. We've lost our sense that that's even possible. What we've done, we've moved very much away from Britain. We've made a lot of success with that during our lifetime.

But we've gone, I mean, you know what it's like being the scrawny kid in the playground, Charles. If one bully is not looking after you, you go to the other bully. That's what I've always said. But, Dom, during, like, you grew up during the 1980s, that was a time of great jingoistic nationalism. Like, you're the voice. Try and understand it. Keep it loud and make it clear. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

sung by a migrant from Britson, sung by another discarded person that the Brits said, we don't want this person living here anymore. Sheep him off to Australia. That's basically who John Farnham is, right? The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. Let's keep going through the themes. Interesting little play by Angus Taylor just in the last few days. So Jim Chalmers on Tuesday announced that he was going to do income tax cuts,

right two percent off over two years and then angus taylor announced that they were going to spend exactly the same amount of money but instead on fuel excise right yes that's right so literally the choice is not do you want a tax cut that's worth about seven billion dollars it's which way do you want to get this tax cut right but then on on thursday before the budget reply speech angus taylor came out and said that they weren't going to, that they would rescind the tax cuts that the Labor Party introduced if they got into government, right? Which is like very bold of a Liberal Party shadow treasurer to make the Liberal Party the party of higher taxes, of higher income taxes.

That is very bold going into an election. I think that is Latham-esque levels of bold. That's Bill Shorten-esque level. of bold. You know what it actually is, potentially, is a wedge tactic that may have worked because clearly, you know, because the whole line from the Prime Minister and the pressure has been, no, with our tax cuts for everybody, but they're responsible. So it's $5 a week at first, and then it goes up to $10 a week. And the theory being it doesn't cause inflation and that it's just a little, a little treat, literally a very small treat

each week from that. And so that's been slammed by the coalition as financially irresponsible as a cruel hoax, Peter Dutton called it. But now that's, got their own, yes, version of tax cut, as long as you own a car that runs on petrol. So all you EV tryards, and I'm one of them, nothing, nothing for the EV lobby. And frankly, Charles, that's a very anti-Elon position. A tax cut that you don't get if you've got a Tesla, Elon's not going to happen with that at all. I think that could be a fatal error for the coalition, getting Elon Musk offside. Yes, yes.

Because now the Nazis will be going for the Labor Party. Is that how it works? Well, that's to see. What we do know is, yes, Elon is potentially going to put this on blast. Yes. He knows what his intervention will be during the campaign. The only thing you know is that he will be out advocating for someone. Who's he going to back?

Is he going to back trumpets of patriots? Is he going to back one nation? Because you know, he went for the far right party in Germany. Yes. Without knowing too much about their connection to the sort of neo-Nazis, who is Elon backing in this election? Wow. Lockeland, our producer, is listening in, and I think he knows the answer to that.

I am willing to bet any amount of money that Musk appears at an online event hosted by Clive Palmer that's going to feature Tucker Carlson. Wow. Palmer has Tucker doing a series of live events across Australia. And I am willing to bet that Elon Musk goes, oh, I might swing by one of these live streams, AFD stuff. Interesting idea. I must say, very bold strategy of Clive Palmer to put his electoral fortunes A in the head. hands of Tucker Carlson at all.

So you'd be requiring you're in Australia to, A, know who Tucker Carlson was, and B, this is a much smaller group. I think, yep, Todd Carlson's the guy who's advice I'm going to take in this election. Well, I mean, Australians are idiots. I wouldn't say, you know, I mean, they used to watch Koshy every morning. Oh, that's the big question. I mean, MAPS. Coffee endorsing.

Maths is a ratings juggernaud. Like, Australia is shit. You have brought up an important point. Charles, which is this is Australia's first election post-Coshy. Yes. We're not going to know who to go for. Yeah, this is... Are we going to vote for in the campaign?

Well, thank you, Loughlin, for that. It's a little bit too fact-filled. He heard it he first. Yeah, yeah. I love how he said he's willing to bet any amount of money. I know for a fact he can't afford any amount of money. I mean, the good news is, though, that we've gone for, what, 20 minutes or so? Yeah.

I'm talking about literally nothing in our first election episode of 2025. I think this episode is a microcosm of the campaign we're about to happen. Well, this is the thing, like they're arguing over $7 billion worth of tax cuts. And all that, and they're so infamous tessimble when you divide them up amongst 30 million people that, like, they're literally arguing over, do you want your 50 cents a day here or there, right? But imagine what they could have done. It's almost like they've forgotten how to govern. Like imagine how much $7 billion we've done if you'd aggregate it at all, you know, say through the tax system and then used it to solve the housing crisis or climate change or something like that.

You could actually do something useful with it. But no, no, no. Let's just fritter it away, you know, one litre of petrol at a time. I mean, I didn't hear anything. And I did on Tuesday night, Charles, about podcasts. I know. $7 billion to podcasting. That's...

I mean, invest in Australian industry. This is the podcast direction. Exactly. Okay. We're part of the Iconiclass Network and stay tuned because this is the official election broadcaster for 2025.