The Chaser Report - The Apathy Before The Storm | Sami Shah

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

It is the day before the 2022 Australian Federal Election... and Sami Shah is back! How has Sami dealt with the constant political sh*tstorm of this election campaign? Who did he vote for? Why do other people hide their votes? What does he think will be the final outcome? And why is Thanos the only suitable candidate? Find out on the last episode of The Chaser Report: Election Edition. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In an election that will determine the fate of the entire universe, there's only one podcast holding politicians accountable, Scott Morrison, Anthony Albanese, who will boom? Find out on The Chaser Report, election edition. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. It is Friday the 20th of May, one day until the 2012 federal election. I'm Dom Knight. Charles Firth is running horribly late, but it doesn't matter because Sammy Shah is here for his first appearance on the election version of our podcast. And he's here in person in Sydney. Hello, Sammy.

Hello, Dom. This is fantastic. I have never been to the Chaser headquarters before. I didn't realize you guys at a hot tub. You've got independent individual massage therapist for each member of the Chaser team. I mean, that Patreon must be growing strong. Are you thinking of the kind of circa 2007 Chaser team? Because, yeah, things are a little bit different. But it is lovely to see you in person. We do actually have a sort of podcast studio. So we've talked to you on screens,

because it's traditional to have you on the show on a Friday. And we've normally done these on Zoom, where I'm at home, you've got children running out in the background. Yeah, singing, let it go halfway through. And Charles, weeping in the back seat of his car. So it's kind of nice to be in a professional space for once. Yeah, well, the word professional is loosely used. We rang Charles just then he went, oh, shit, I'll run, I'll run down.

Does he live near the studio? I think he lives somewhere in the building I don't actually know. Oh really? Okay. I think he's got a little camp bed in the car park. But look, we can't get your thoughts on on the election? It's been... It's been ages. I mean, normally we would have had you here dissecting every bait week by wake. You very sensibly took a break.

How did you know there's going to be this skippable? I did. I did something that people have heard of, heard tell off. It's a legendary meditation technique. It's called apathy. And it freaking rules. Yeah. First, though, Charles's election rap. This is the rap. for Friday the 20th of May. One day to go. And it's 2019 all over again, isn't it? In that election,

the polls pointed to a Labor win. But then in the closing days, there was one factor that overrode all the policies, promises and polls. All the data showed voters thought Bill Shorten was a creepy little man who couldn't be trusted. They went with the guy they didn't know instead, a newbie called Scott Morrison. Well, the bill shortened this time round is Scott Morrison. And the Libs are aware of that. In the past week, he's even tried running against himself, promising that voting liberal would result in getting rid of the old Scott Morrison

and electing an entirely new, different Scott Morrison. Sorry, not sorry, Mr Morrison. You've fucked it. If you hadn't spent the past three years ducking and weaving out of any responsibility, and actually paid attention to your job, you'd be in like Flynn on Saturday. If you'd just put down that lump of coal and instead picked up a hose,

if you'd just helped the states manage the pandemic rather than undermining them at every opportunity, if you'd bothered to pick up the phone to Pfizer, bothered to buy some bloody rat tests before everyone bloody needed them, if you'd not been involved in a cover-up of a sexual assault that happened 50 metres from your office. If you'd not lied to the French president,

if you'd bothered to actually do anything about the grifting that your colleagues seemed to be compulsively addicted to, you would storm at home tomorrow. In hindsight, you were never, Prime Minister of Australia. You just sat there, you just sat there and smirked your way through three and a half years, while China carefully built a base at our doorstep, while the country burned and flooded,

while Australians went backwards in real terms to the point where real wages are now at the same level that they were in 2012. You wiped out a decade of gains, and tomorrow you will be wiped out. It will be as if you never existed. But credit where credits due, one thing you did achieve in your three terrible years as the most indolent leader we've ever had is that you didn't shoot down a whole lot of women when they were peacefully protesting outside your workplace one time who knows what will happen tomorrow but one thing i can guarantee with 97% certainty

is that on sunday morning the air will feel a little fresher the flowers will appear a little brighter and the desks at parliament house will smell a little less like come. That's the wrap for this election. The Chaser Report, election edition. So here's what I did. I basically, doing the Melbourne Comedy Festival, I took four weeks off from the news,

where I figured, you know what, I just want to focus on the festival and I know that. And I discovered this thing that I'd heard about before, but I'd never actually tried it in my life. and I finally give it a goal. It's transformative, Dom. It's called apathy. I don't know if you've heard of this.

I think it's pronounced apathy might be apathy. I don't know how the French say it. Yeah, apaté? Yeah, that's right, possibly. Fuck the French, as I always say. So apathy is what we're going with. And I stopped caring at all, completely and utterly. I looked at the entire line of all the candidates we had.

I looked at one ill-fitted, poorly-suited white man in spectacles to the other ill-fitted, poorly-suited white man in spectacles, and then one more in the middle somewhere. And I was like, oh, it doesn't matter what I think. Also, why should I decide the next prime minister of this country? I've never made a good decision in my life. Every decision I've made has brought me here. Like, why are you trusting me with this responsibility?

You could have been a contender, Sammy. Instead, you're on the Chaser report. So just to be clear, did you tune out of the whole news? Largely for several weeks, yes. Do you know whether the war in Ukraine is still continuing or not? What's this Ukraine thing you speak of? Yeah, exactly. All right, because I can see...

Now I'll check it back in, though. Australian politics, I can imagine that would be... I mean, it's novel for this podcast, but probably therapeutic. It was extreme... Like, I slept better. Like, I don't... Like, your podcast has gone here, but I don't have dark circles under my eyes anymore. Yeah.

Like, I look, my skin looks nicer. But now, look, now the elections are just, you know, like you said, that tomorrow. And so I kind of plugged back in grudgingly on the Uber drive here to the Chaser report headquarters. The driver, Uber driver was listening to... So I think I've mentioned this to you before. Sydney has some of the worst human beings on radio. Not, you know, present company excepted, of course.

Yes, although, I mean, some of them have retired lately. But no, it is true that basically if you are as offensive as possible, you're guaranteed a very successful broadcasting career in the city for reasons that I still don't understand as a lifelong Sydney cider. Absolutely. And so the Uber driver was this thing with what I'm sure is mandatory in all Uber's in Sydney to Kyle and Jackie O. That's right.

Yeah, cool. for the life mate, I couldn't remember their names right now. In my head, I kept going fuck wit and fuck stick. And then I was like, nah, that doesn't sound right. So Kyle and Jackie O. And Kyle and Jackio had Scott Morrison on as a guest. And Kyle basically spent the entire interview just fillating Scott Morrison. Like openly saying, I want him to be the next prime minister again

because look at how well he's positioned Australia. And Australia is in a great place because of him. And he just puts in so much work and unbelievably just massaging Scott Morrison on air, and it was one of the things but listening to that, listening to the quality of intellectual radio discourse and political analysis in this country made me go, oh no, I was better off not caring.

Well, I mean, I guess the difference is, Sammy, you took four weeks to pay no attention. Yes. Kyle always paid no attention and then went on radio in the morning and endorsed Scott Morrison to be re-elected. He did call him scomo to his face, which I'll say this.

Maybe it's an age thing. I'm deeply uncomfortable with that. He's the prime minister. Whether you like him or not, and obviously you don't. But you still say prime minister or Scott, if you're really got to be friends. I have enjoyed the sort of, and I think Grace Tame started it, the thing of just, oh, Scott did this, Scott did the, and Anthony, Anthony, this. Yeah. Why not?

We're in formal country. We don't have titles, we're not jokes. But ScoMo is too far. Like, you know, that's, I don't know, I feel like you don't call the prime minister by a silly nickname. I feel like, do his face. Does Malcolm Turnbull lent into that one. Oh, did he? But wasn't it used in that famous, this is my leader and I'm ambitious for?

him in Timberwood, thanks ScoMo. That's kind of cursed Scomo to me. Yeah. But I don't know. I guess that's my old school me talking, but yes, here's what I think. We are at that point where, you know, everyone's either voted already or they're going to be,

have you done the... I've done a pre-pull. I did mine as well, because I'm in Sydney for a few days, so I just did a mail-in vote. And of course, obviously, I voted for United Australia Party. Yes, we know this about this. And I can't wait for Clive Palmer to be the leader that I want him to be. Well, I mean, they've been saying for months, Craig Kelly is the next Prime Minister of Australia.

And I just think it's going to be a big shock on Sundays, everyone who didn't follow those ads. Yeah, exactly. I think watching YouTube has really convinced me because of that seven and a half minute ad that comes on every time you press play. Here's what it's done. It's convinced me to finally pay for YouTube Red.

And it's a clever marketing thing on YouTube spot. Yeah, I wonder if Clive Palmerston goes with him. But also, didn't he buy some crazy amount of time? time on email, it might not be across this, but I think he bought on the three commercial stations, he bought some crazy amount of time, like 45 minutes or something. Really? For a, I mean, an ad that was actually a program. I can't imagine how Clive Palmer filled 45 minutes of air time, given the paucity of the policies.

They've got about six policies. Yeah, I don't think Clive Palmer worries about content. I think Clive Palmer talking about just Clive Palmer is enough content in his head. But, yeah, we're at that point now, where Australia gets to choose. which mediocre, you know, not particularly qualified, really half-intelligent and really non-committed to the major issues of the day like climate change, like refugee policy, political party leader we're going to end up stuck with for the next three years, or at least until the next leadership spill.

That's true, probably not three years. Yeah, it's never going to be three years. There's been quite a few op-eds that I've read in the past week. Samin have actually sort of said, look, the coalition don't deserve to be re-elected. They've failed on several key criteria. They've stuffed up repeatedly. people obviously don't. Even the Liberal Party is now acknowledging

it's almost the official policy of the Liberal Party that people don't like Scott Morrison. Even John Howard, when John Howard writes to voters to convince them to re-elect the government, he acknowledges that not everyone likes Morrison, right? And even he says, I'm a bulldozer. Yeah. But then the op-ed doesn't say,

well, what's Labor done? Labor's basically said, let's get out of the way and let him destroy his own career with very few policies at the end and a few thought bubbles about housing here and there. So they haven't really made it. the case either. So if you've got a government that doesn't deserve to be re-elected and an opposition

who hasn't really made the case for change, is there a third option? Is there a limbo zone we can go into it? Can we get Thanos to snap his fingers for three years or something? Look, I would vote for Thanos in a heartbeat. He had a clear policy. Yeah, a clear policy. And all climate change related completely. His entire policy was about making the universe, you know, healthier and safer for climate change because, you know, you get rid of 50% of the population of the universe and therefore you get more resources. And at random, he wasn't classist? No, at all. He just charged completely randomly. Although at the end, he did say in end game, he did say that, you know, this has always been dispassioned at random, but I will enjoy what I do to your planet. He said that Tony Stark.

So, you know, you can see that clearly even he had his limits as a non-biased actor and leaned into certain personal biases. But one of the most effective fictional leaders of our times. Easily. He had a policy, he said it. He did it. He did it. You know, for a while. No one lives up to the campaign promises. And I think he doing that has really kind of inspired us to demand more of our leaders to live up to their campaign promises. I just wonder why we haven't had a Thanos party.

Because it's a platform. We all know the platform. We all know Thanos. He's very recognizable. I mean, given some of the minor parties are on the belt, I had real trouble. He doesn't wear glasses and poorly tailored pants the way all the other leaders. leaders in Australia claimed. And he's purple, which would be a nice challenge from what?

Yeah, absolutely. Purple's a lovely color. Purple lends itself to the bisexual lighting kind of theme as well. You know, I think, yeah, it appeals across the board. I bet Thanos has far more

progressive policies regarding LGBTQI issues than either labor or liberal. He also has more diversity in his lineup. You know, he's got people from different planets. He does, that's true.

You know, it's not like Thanos is, you know, parachuting in Christina Kennedy to take over from, you know, one of his other leaders is planet. representation. So, yeah, I think

in retrospect, we could have done a lot better than these two. But here we are. We are now going to choose between boringer and boring earth. So in retrospect, the Avengers endgame, the cycle was really a tragedy. See, what I did, I just stopped watching after Infinity War. So as far as

I know, Thanos won and everyone turned to dust. A good leader was undermined by a white elite. Yeah, exactly. By the 1% yet again. A billionaire, Tony Stark, you know, clearly just a European biased, like with Thor, with the God, you know. I mean, Tachala as well, but he was a king.

Yeah, you're rich in the end. Yeah, rich in the end, yeah. There's a reason why we're talking more about the MCU than about the election. So can I ask you something? Obviously, you don't have to answer this because it is deeply personal. In Australia, for some reason, anywhere else in the world, or I think in Pakistan, no one gives a shit if you tell them. But in Australia, people, who did you vote for?

Can you say, will you say, or will you? not. I will not. See? Why is it such a personal issue? Because I'd do a dick on the ballot paper. I'd do a dick on the ballot paper, Sammy. All right, fine. There you go. It's our constitutional right. Look, it's compulsory voting. They can make us turn up, but they can't make us not draw a dick. There's no one saying, like the woman from the AEC showed, explained, you've got a number one to six, whatever it was, fill out the small ballot paper completely and then, I think, the first 12 was. Did you draw a dick above the line or below the line crossing the line

because I always cross the line how about you are you willing to go on the record yeah why not I don't because I don't understand the thing of like hiding it because clearly that means everyone's ashamed of their choices they're worried about judgment I don't care I will happily open up about my choices

I did the reason party was my first choice is that because I used to be called the sex party no that's because I met few in a pattern a few times I've met many politicians and I've met many politicians And I'm always deeply suspicious of politicians overall because I feel like there's a certain level of emotional damage required to be a politician.

And I'm not saying Fiona doesn't have that emotion damage. She probably does. But I respect her approach to politics. I also respect her ethics involved in some of the decisions she's made with regards to the platform she's put in the center. So yes. So the reasoned party had a candidate in my area. So I voted for them.

Greens was second. Labor was third. I basically then did everything except liberal. Liberal was lost. I even voted for UAP over liberal. And One Nation. And One Nation over liberal, just to punish liberal. I wish I'd put Labor further down the line, to be very honest,

to punish them as well for mediocrisy. But, you know, I just succumbed. There are a lot of parties. I mean, it's quite difficult. I Google the whole of them. Andrew Henson was talking about this earlier on the... Basically, Andrew's version was like, you get down to about six parties you've heard of,

And then there's probably 20 versions of the Nazi party, right? Like, I don't want to say that the Australian Federation Party are national socialists. I don't know. But I'm suspicious from the name. I don't think they're, you know, advocating hugely progressive causes if 1901 is their point of reference. There's also, there was one which had the word pirate in its title. Yes, yes. That was weird.

It was like the Avengers of Hopeless Party. All these little parties that didn't win any seats, got together, but pirate, there was a few other ones as well. It was a shooter, fisher and pirates party. I was like, I don't know. And if you've got pirates, you've got shooting and fishing. They're on boats.

Exactly. Well, you know, I did see our flag means death. And if that's what, if that's what the kind of pirates were talking about, I'm on board. I think basically a lot of parties that had no chance of getting elected, Voltron together to become a big party

that had no chance of getting elected. Yeah, they're voltron. Yes. Yeah, that's right. So, no, it is confusing. There should be some sort of, like objective manual. I found an article on The Guardian that said all the

all the mining parties were, but of course being the guardian, it was fun of the right thinking, right leaning ones. Right, of course, yeah, absolutely. No, I googled all the ones that, because I was doing it at home. It was a main in-home.

I had time to Google everything, double check, fact-check, and do all that, and I voted accordingly. But yeah, you know, it's one of those things where every time I go online, and this is going to be terrible, part of me wishes and hopes that Liberal Party wins again, just to watch,

Labour Party supporters lose their shit on Twitter. They really will. Because there will be people unhinged on social media. And rightfully, so no one wants liberal to win again, but it'd be really funny. I'm a chaos lover. I love chaos. So, you know, if you AP want, I'd fucking love it. But obviously, that's not going to happen.

So the next best thing is Liberal Party coming back again. You really are pro-thenos. I am quite into Panos. So the ABC's average of the polls, they've done a whole complicated, kind of 538-style thing with a weight of the polls based on accuracy. I reckon Labor's 53.8% of, you know, two-party preferred. Yeah. Which I think we can call now means a coalition victory.

Yeah. If the polls are that clear in favour of Labor, they're toast, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But the fact that after everything, after everything that the Liberal Party that Scott Morrison has done to the country, at the country, off the country for the last, you know, how many years, that Labor is still so close in the polls

that it's not a giant lead, an obvious choice, is damning. It's utterly damning. So here's what I think happens. I think Labor wins, this election, they do three years, and then they're out again. And they're back out in the winter, and it's going to just be back to the liberals again for another nine years or something. Okay. That's my prediction. Status quo wins again.

That's actually usually the case in Australian politics. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. So I don't see, I don't see Albanese being good enough to hold it for more than a year and a half. I see leadership spill. Maybe someone better comes in But the leadership bill Loses credibility with Labour voters

That means liberal comes back three years for now That's my Nostradamus prediction The same revolving doors Yeah And therefore I recommend apathy Election News You can't trust The Chaser Report

We've got a special guest here In the studio At the 11th hour It's Charles Firth Me, Casa, so what'sa? Sorry, I've just been pre-polling at every ballot box around the electorate area. And what did you find? Well, it's very easy to commit election fraud.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fantastic. They don't ask any questions, you just do it. That's the first time when I voted 2019, and my first time ever voting in Australia, and I rocked up to the ballot. And I took my passport with me, I took my driver's license with me. And they're like, yeah, we don't need this. Just tell us your name. And they crossed it off a list.

And I was like, how is no one doing, like, of fraud. Like, why is it? No, I think the thing is that you then go to jail a few months later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fine. But, you know, jail here is Australia. How hard can it be?

Yeah, must be comfortable. Sorry about that. Sammy, I'll just run a bit late. Yeah, so basically, Dom just fucked off and now you've popped in and, and... Well, we can... Should we just study? I'm sure my questions will be much better than Dom's questions anyway. I'm not saying a thing.

So how do you think the election's gone? Who do you think's going to win? Oh, so we're completely recapping. All right, okay, let me do this. All right, fine. Well, what did you say to Dom? I'll give you a 30 second summary of what I said to Dom. The things I said to Dom were, I've been apathetic for the last several weeks.

I have not cared about the election. It's been wonderful. My skin's great. My eyes are lighter, brighter. Thank you very much. I'm eating more greens as a result, drinking less whiskey at night. And Dom and I were wishing that Thanos had instead been a candidate because we, at least, he had clear-cut policies about 50% of population disappearing, which I can get behind.

Mind you, don't you think the consequence of Scott? Morrison's policies are that half the population will disappear. See, the difference is in the campaign promise versus the campaign reality. Thanos started with that promise and carried through. Scott Morrison will inadvertently cause that to happen, but didn't promise it. I mean, I think I hate at least 50% of people. Oh, minimum. Yeah, more like, I mean, if Thanos had promised like 95% of people.

I mean, in Sydney, 95% is on average, I think. Maybe the thing to do is sort of have a regional policy where it's like... Oh, Queensland, 100%. For sure. Just wipe out everyone and everything. New South Wales, let's do... 60-70%. I mean, there's some nice people on the North Coast.

There are. That's very true. Yesterday I had a really good Middle East and fusion meals, so whoever cooked that, you know... Yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And then Melbourne, look, I'm biased.

I'd say 50%, because I think there's some nice people there. I reckon... It's a lot of hipsters. 30, yeah. Oh, yeah, if you include the hipsters, maybe 100%. Yeah, yeah, maybe, you know, 99. Let's go 99.99. Yeah.

Who cares? Even if no one dies in Canberra, who could tell the difference? Because I must say, everyone I know in Canberra is really nice. Like, I don't want to get rid of it. Yeah, you're right. That is really funny. I do, the people I know personally are wonderful, and everyone that you hear off is horrific. Yes, yes.

But the people I know personally are always there for a little while, you know. It's like that kind of a place. It's the waiting room of nicer places. The point is with camera, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. W.A. Well, everyone.

Yeah, I mean. It's sort of the Queensland of the West. There's a lot of inbreeding. So, like, if you get rid of half, you inadvertently kill the other half because they need that first half to kind of continue breeding. So that's basically. You've killed my wife and my sister, who happens to be the same person. And my daughter.

I don't know how the math and that works, but yes. Adelaide, I don't reckon get rid of anyone in Adelaide because they'll do it themselves just left to their own devices. Yeah, exactly. We need federal intervention in Adelaide on a daily basis.

And then, look, Tasmania is a rounding era but I kind of think, keep it. I love Tassie, yes. Every time I go to Tazzy, I'm like, the Tazis' propaganda of don't come here, we're all like marrying our cousins

and it's terrible, is a great way of keeping people away from Tassie and keeping Tassie amazing. Because it is a beautiful place. And then when you go there, everyone's a little bit smug. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know they're on to a grief. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they complain. They go, oh, the traffic here is terrible. And there's one car seven kilometers away. No, I respect Stasi for a good grift. I mean, I started, I went down there recently. I started getting annoyed when the Uber didn't arrive within two minutes. There's one Uber driver on the whole island.

Give them time. Yeah. No, I was selling a dorm. I just heard Kyle and Jaccio just fillating the prime minister Kyle was just nonstop talking about how great Scott Morrison is and how he's put the country in a great place

and how he doesn't deserve everything he gets from the media. Kyle is part of the media. I don't know why he thinks he's not part of the media. And I was just wondering, what does it say about Sydney that these people have just been on air for so long? It's such an indictment of your city.

At least assassinate one of them. Like if you're not going to do both, you know? Yeah, I mean, I respect Carl. Really? Yes, because... You know, like, you respect Stalin because he committed to what he believed in kind of way? I mean, the ability to forlate someone in public. So...

And to not be ashamed. Yeah. He's just there. He's giving good head. It's performance art on him. Yes, it's sort of, I kind of think, good on him. You know, and, you know, sticking up for the big man against the little man. Exactly.

I think there's a real... Like, you've got to respect that. Yeah. You got a, I don't know, that kind of naked shamelessness It becomes a thing of beauty and wonder Yes, yes, he is the craftsman of fuckweed Like he's, he's a master craftsman True, very true

So all right, I can see that But then you also got Ben Fordham I think that that's what Sydney Siders role model themselves on He is the archetypical Sydney side By the way, I should point out, like so I'm here for the Sydney Writers' Festival So I'm living, like, I'm staying at like the PO1 area It's like a posh part of town.

In the Siebel? What's the Siebel? There's a Sebel hotel on Pier 1. Oh no, this one's called Pier 1. I don't know. I have no idea. Isn't Pier 1 like an... Back in when I was growing up,

Pier 1 was an amusement arcade. Okay, well, it's obviously not that. I'll tell you that much right now, unless they are grossly misjudged my room. Okay. That's beautiful. Have you got views? Beautiful view, off the harbor.

All the things that Sydney's good for, which is a view. Exactly. And you've got to... And to get that... Like permanently, like to buy a house that has that view. Yeah. You have to trample on everyone, including all your friends and family, on the way up.

But there's a certain look you need to have. And that's what Kyle gives you the template to do. And I realize that people here model themselves after him because I saw many men in, I've only been in 24 hours, but many men. Snorting an enormous amount of cocaine. Publicly, openly on the road. Yeah, yeah. No, just wearing shirts that are way too tired. open halfway down to their navel, basically, unbuttoned,

and huge Rolex watches, humongous ones. You sure you're not here for Mardi Gras? But no, these are definitely straight men. These are men who wear their straightness. The Rollings. The Rolex gives it away. Exactly. And just, like, they've got this body type, this energy that is, you know,

they go home and look at the poster of Kyle on their wall every night in their mom's basements. and they're all work in finance. And it's very much like, oh, that's the Sydney energy, that guy. That's who pops up probably on Tinder every day when you're in Sydney. Yes. Swipe the far right. Basically.

So, okay, I'll ask Dom this question. I'm going to ask you this question. Have you voted already? Yes, I have. Okay, same here. Dom did not reveal who he voted for because for some reason, I don't know why. People just are secretive about that. I have openly given my voting history and everything.

I don't care. Can I ask you? you vote for? I voted Labor in the lower house. Okay. Because that's 10, you'll be sick. Right. She's actually...

Yeah, yeah, good. She's actually good. Yeah, yeah. Weirdly. Oddly. Yeah. Uncharacteristically. And then in the upper house and, you know, I think my family's going to sign me to this.

Like I told my dad this last night and there was just silence. I voted grain. I voted... Okay. Because David Shoebridge, who's friend of the show, has been on the... a couple of dimes. He's just been so effective. And not just on climate changey stuff,

but, you know, he supports the unions here in New South Wales. Like, he runs proper campaigns and wins them. Right. And he's just going, that is rare in any sort of politician. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for me, it was a reason party. That's why I voted for them in Victoria. Who's their candidate?

Oh, I can't remember the name. But anyone who's associated with reason party, I'm good with, because Fiona Patton, I respect a lot. That's the sex party, isn't it? It used to be there. That's right. Yeah, yeah. What a mistake.

To rename themselves to reason? Yeah, I know. That's very true. It would be a lot more, a lot less. My parents are from Pakistan and me telling them, oh, I just voted for the sex party. Would have been a really fun conversation. Right. So they had a good reason.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. It changed the name. But yeah. So here we are one day away from... Oh, well, that's good that we had a sort of petticoat. We showed our petticoat.

Exactly. People don't. I don't understand. Here's what I figure. I think anyone who listens to me and thinks, oh, he's probably on the fence. He might vote Scott Morrison. But here's what I say.

You voting Labor, for example, I bet surprised many of our listeners. It's probably more of an endorsement for labor for many of our listeners than they would normally, you know, yeah, right, yeah, because the listeners were probably going, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We vote for it.

Yeah, but you AP, of course. Yeah, yeah. I should have voted. No, no, but did you find it really hard this time working out who to put last? No, because, well, I knew I'd put a liberal last. But what about One Nation? It doesn't matter.

I will vote for anyone over liberal. Well, hang on. Hang on. Punishment. There are plenty of Nazis running in this election. There's plenty of Nazis in the Liberal Party as well. Entire young liberals at this point might as well be the young storm humb ruling or whatever. Yeah, the brown shirt.

Yeah, so, no, I'm sorry. You don't do everything that the Liberals have done for the last nine years and then still end up getting some, you know, like a bit of, what's it called, benefit of the doubt. You know, I know what One Nation stands for. I know what UAP stands for, but I also know that even if I vote for the Liberal Party, they'll still be preferencing them and vice versa. So fuck it.

You get lost from me. Okay. So, and did you do predictions with Don? Yes. So my prediction is Labor wins barely. This must be fascinating for the listeners. You hear it all over. again. It's a recap

as soon as the episode ended. Usually at the start of the next episode, but no. So my prediction is, I've told Dom this as well, I think Labour's going to win but just barely, whatever, this weekend. They do, Albanese doesn't last three years, a year and a half in, he gets an october for maybe tiny plebiscite, someone like that.

Most likely not, though, because Labor doesn't have the vision and foresight to put someone qualified there. Some other mediocre loser become the Prime Minister. They lose in the next election in a 2025 and liberal party comes back for another nine years. The next election will be 2024.

So you're saying that they'll illegally hold on to power for a year. Yeah, I did call for a military coup. So, Dutton, Dutton is not electable. Dutton is so easily targeted. Are you sure? Yes, he's the bill shortened of 2024. Everyone said that about Tony Abbott. When I moved to Australia.

Yeah. But also, don't you think that the federal ICAC will have sort of... Do you really think Labor's going to put it in? Do you really believe Labor is putting in a federal ICAC? Campaign promises and post-campaign reality are two very different things. There is going to be a federal... It's in Labor's advantage. Sure.

Until Labor people are getting knocked over as well, you think half of Labor isn't going to get skewered by Federal ICAC as well? Well, hopefully. I mean, look, I'm too cynical to believe in a federal ICAC actually happening. Nah, you're wrong. Maybe. It's going to happen. Maybe.

I'm a true believer in a federal ICAC. All right. Okay. That's where our betting happens. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. And look, my prediction for tomorrow in case you're interested is a Labor majority.

Mm-hmm. So not a hung parliament. Not a hung parliament. Mm-hmm. It's a Labor majority. I don't have anything interesting to say about it. I've never seen anyone give up. On their own conversation halfway through.

No, I'll tell you, I'll tell you what I think. I think Queensland is going to yield no extra seats for labour. Okay. I think Palmer is going to take all that energy, all the anti-major party energy and just preference the libs with it. Yep. And that is a 6% thumb on the weight. Yeah, yeah.

Like, it's just, it's huge. It's amazing what you can buy. Right. With unlimited money in Queensland. Yes. And then you see. South Wales, I reckon there's going to be a couple of delightful surprises, like Fowler, where they tried to parachute in Christina Conelli.

Yes. She is looking in trouble. I am so excited about that. Yeah, but she's probably, it's probably lucky because, you know, there's a federal ICAC on it, so, yeah, sure, if you believe that. And then Parramatta, that's the other one, which Labor could lose, which is where the Labor Party parachuted a candidate in. Exactly.

Hopefully there's a lesson there. They won't take it. Yeah. I think the lesson is you parachute candidates into more electorates so people get used to it. Yeah, because the problem was they didn't do it enough. Yeah, not enough parachuting was happening. Yes. All right.

Well, excellent. So there we go. We've got the election sorted now. Right. What's your election party plans for tonight? Tomorrow night. Oh, for tomorrow and I. Yeah.

Oh, I'm going to stay at home. Okay. Because... Just whiskey and a TV. I got invited to a couple of parties. I'm not a loser. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the thing is, when you go to party,

you can never hear the TV. Yeah, very true. And I want to, and so I'm going to invite people, but the people who I invite around, you can come around if you want, do you want to come around? No, no, but you have to be quiet. Ah, I actually pay attention.

We actually are paying attention to the coverage. You're allowed to sort of yay and boo or whatever. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But no sort of like conversations that take up the interestingness in the room. Ah, all right. Well, you know what I'm going to miss out of all this? Like I said, I've been apathetic.

I've only tuned in like two, two, three days ago. so I've only finally heard this is there's a hole in your bucket dear labor, dear labor the song that are Gabby Bolt quite obviously sang. I only found out about that song yesterday. What? I know.

It's amazing. And it's amazing that I realized. It sounds just like Gabby's voice, by the way. Oh, really? It sounds just, if you listen to it. And on Twitter, she's disavowed that she has nothing to do with it. That's why she keeps counting her money.

That's right. Yes. Because there's a hole in her bucket. and it keeps filling out. The royalties are... It's a banger. And they did a remix and I think I'm going to run to that today. Okay.

Yeah. Okay. That's the anything I'm going to miss. Sammy Shav, thank you so much. Sorrows a bit light. No worries. Thanks for having me. Apologies to the listeners for having to listen to...

A recap. Yeah, exactly. By the way, you guys have customized mugs here. So there's a Charles Firth mug. There's a guest two mug. Yeah. Where's the dorm night mug? I think it's probably in the kitchen.

Okay. Or no, it's probably on his desk. I want a chaser mug. I want to chase her mug. Oh, we'll get you one. Yeah. I want to chase some mug. Okay.

All right. There we go. This is me begging on air for much. Our gears from road microphones. We are part of the ACAS creator network. Good luck tomorrow. Remember, vote early, vote often. Bye.