The Chaser Report - The Best of Brexit | Floyd Alexander-Hunt

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Floyd Alexander-Hunt returns from Europe to provide a comprehensive report on Brexit's extreme success. Meanwhile Charles finds out why everyone is going to Europe. Plus Dom discloses the reason behind his hatred for Britain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report, live on Gatigalland. I'm Charles Firth and with me today are Dom Knight. Hello. And Floyd, Alexander Hunt. Hello. Welcome back, Floyd. Thanks, I'm very happy to be back.

You've been in Edinburgh, haven't you? I have. I went to Edinburgh. Did you perform? No, I just went to watch. Mental health, never been better. I mean, how exciting was it? How jealous? should we be on a scale of one to fucking jealous? I would say very jealous, but okay, this will

make you feel better. It was so expensive to be there. The accommodation my partner and I were sharing was we were sharing like a three-quarter size bed. Oh, because they couldn't afford the extra quarter. That seems very Scottish to me. I mean, someone with Scottish heritage, it's a bit stingy. Like they thought, shall we get a like a regular double size? I didn't even know that they were smaller. They'd also run out of towels at the place that we were doing at. Isn't it? Isn't that just more romantic?

Like you get to sleep together. I mean, maybe in the first months, but we're like a fourth year going. I'm like, don't touch me. Well, look, we were going to talk about politics and everything that's happening in the world today. Yes. But we might just keep talking to Floyd about stuff. Yeah, let's just find out what Floyd's been doing.

But let's first of all, have an ad break. The Chaser Report. Now with Extra Whisper. So there's a new way to avoid these ad breaks. Oh, really? We've just signed up with Apple as well, Apple Podcasts. Oh, yeah. There's Acast Plus, the old way, or there's Apple Podcasts just via the Apple Podcast app.

Yeah. Just hit subscribe. And is that what we've got a new vanity URL. Did you see that? Yes, Apple.com slash The Chaser. Yeah. Apple. Dot co slash the Chaser.

Nice. They don't want to associate themselves with us and they cancel it. For the time of being, you can sign up to either service once we set it up at chaser.com. com. We just go to the podcast app on you. Apple device. Yeah, that's right. So there you go.

That's, ironically, that gives you an ad-free version. We've just now done an ad for the ad-free version. Okay. So do you think the rest of us need to get three-quarter-sized beds? The best thing you can do in entertainment is to go somewhere where things are better than they are here or busier and just steal ideas, right? So, I mean, clearly the three-quarter bed, that's one fad we could get on board with. Yeah, I mean, three-quarter bed is fine if it's just you, I reckon.

But when you're, when you've got a partner, you need to get divorced. Because that's not going to work. I'm imagining if we lopped, it'd be about the size of a single. I know, if you've been together as long as I have, king's size is the minimum size to stay married. Yeah, yeah. Because you need to not be able to touch each other ever again. And you need a king for that.

What was crazy, we'd just been in Portugal before we went to Edinburgh, had a king there and then went to the three-quarter. So it was like, oh, my God! You went to Portugal, you and every other person in the world. Yes, I'm very unique, okay? I had to check it out. I had to see Europe for my own eyes. So what is it about Portugal that's made at the hottest destination this season?

Climate change, apparently. It was just burning down. Bires everywhere. Because Europe's in the midst of the worst heat wave in 500 years. I know. What was it like? It was a bit like normal Australian summer. It was just another day.

I found it very amusing being in London because people lost their mind. When it was like 38 degrees, people were like, oh my God, the trains are not going to work. They can't cope on it almost. I lived in London for a few years as a kid. And honestly, the slightest ray of sun, any British person will just take their clothes off, go to the park and try and get sunburn. And you can tell who is British and who is Australian in Britain. Yes.

By looking at the bus stops. And anyone who is, when it's sunny, under the shade, they're Australian. And if they're not under the shade, they're British because they want the sun on them. That's so true. And we know that that's the wrong thing to do. That's because I only ever got to, like, what, 30, 31? Now it's gone to 38.

They're like, oh, we can't go outside. People are like, we're having to cancel work. Why? For 38 degrees. Like, we're expected to go to work in 38 degrees. Not me, I'm a huge fan of the UK. I would have thought skin cancer is one of the more pleasant ways you could die. I mean, at least it's relatively fast.

Yeah, at least you wouldn't have to put up with Boris Johnson anymore. You wouldn't kind of get consumption or just die due to poverty. The main death of people in the current UK is just austerity. or they put another prime minister in place. There's still no prime minister over there. The other detail that I heard, and just tell me if this is true, which is somebody was saying that

all the train lines, the actual tracks, will melt at that temperature. Oh, that's genius. It's going, how, what, what, did they make the rail out of mercury or something? How do they melt at 38 degrees? That would be very British, though,

to design the train in such a way that the slightest variation in environmental conditions and it would just fuck up. Yeah, that is, it is rubber. And the tubes are, like, terrible. Like, I couldn't believe when I was on it. I was like, oh, my gosh, this is terrible. We think of, like, London as, like,

this international city, amazing. But it's just, like, hot, disgusting air coming in on you. There's no, no aircon. You can't move between the carriages. It has a sign that says you will die if you move. Yeah, they're really small. That's the thing I thought. When I was a kid, I loved the tube because I was tidy.

But as a grown man, it's like a toy tree. Yeah, it's not tall enough, exactly. And so, do you want to update us on British politics while you... Oh, yes, what's going on? Yes, okay, and I actually asked a few of my British friends what was going on, things like that. So it sounds like Liz is going to be your prime minister from what I've heard. Liz Truss. Liz Truss. I think no one likes her.

And she's running, but she's running on the platform of cutting taxes even further for the rich, isn't she? Yes. And also not being... And not being a South Asian man. Yeah. I think that's her main appeal to the conservative base. Well, I was listening to this member of the Conservative Party who's explaining it to Geraldine Dugge on Saturday Extra, and the way he put it was 99.5% of the Conservative Party members are white.

So you're going, oh. Oh, that makes sense, yeah. Well, there's a constituency. Yeah. It's actually quite amazing. Looking at Boris Johnson's cabinet, how much diversity there was in that, like compared to, I don't know, Australia, for instance.

Yeah, yeah. But the voters, fortunately for the police trust. Or I should have made themselves secretly some of those. No, racist. Yes, still racist. Yeah. The big thing over there, when I was talking to people in the UK, is that their energy prices are going to be insane.

They're going to be paying like $8,000 minimum a year in like electricity and gas. Yes. I mean, listen, we don't pay that at all, right? Or is that coming for us? Well, it depends on whether Anthony Albanesey. does the gas like so there's at the moment the only state

in Australia that has a scheme where you can take some of the gas and use it for local production is in Western Australia and they don't have any problems with gas prices at all. In fact I think that they might have the problem of slightly too much gas whereas there is a

question mark over whether the federal government is going to come in and implement a similar scheme for the rest of Australia. The thing is It's just fucking common sense, so probably, no, he won't do it. The thing about Britain is it does get so cold in winter. It's much colder than here. Yes.

So essentially what this means is that, yes, some people will pay $1,000 for power. Others will just freeze to death. I mean, it's just an efficiency. They're talking that they're going to have, like, communal heating areas so that people go to these communal heating areas and then they go to bed. What happens when they go to bed? Just freeze. So they're going to need to have, like, you go to everyone.

one will just go to department stores or into the tube. Yeah, everyone will sit on tube. Just lie on the train track holding onto that heat from the truck. Tories, no, it's much more efficient if you lose. It's 10 million of your population. I mean, they don't need 60 million people to live in the UK. It's a very small island. They could do it with fewer.

But isn't the problem that they're facing is that they can't feel all the positions, like they need more people? Yes, that was the thing I noticed, especially in London. It was insane. Every cafe, restaurant, shop, I walked into business. had an advertisement being like, we need a full-time, blah, blah, blah. Did they hear your accent and think you just arrived? You're like, please be our barista Floyd, please.

Could it be that they've, I don't know, dismantled a scheme that gave them almost unlimited migrants from Europe? Funny how that's come to bite them. Who would have thought that might have happened? So is there any realisation that Brexit has totally fucked them? I think that's how they feel now. Right. But are people willing to admit that they, previously?

supported Brexit or? I mean, no one that I know. Oh, okay, sorry, I was just about to say no one I know voted for Brexit, my manner, but she's still very pro it. So yeah, just the delusional list. But you've got to look in the right place because everyone in London knew that it was very sensible and migration was a good thing and good for the economy. You needed to go to and presumably you didn't at any point go to any completely shit little towns that were basically doomed. Besides Edinburgh. Besides Edinburgh. No, no, but those places, the places we've heard of, None of them would have voted for Brexit. It's all the obscure little racist places that are still just basically resent

anyone who's European. And all the ones that received heaps of EU funding, ironically. Those are the places that voted to leave. And they're now going, well, okay, we're freezing to death. There's no staff in any of the businesses. We can't go to the supermarket. There's no food in it, but at least we don't have foreigners. But also, I read this report of these people in some shitty little town.

they'd got funding for a pool from the EU because they were low on the development scale and now the EU's pulled out the funding because they don't have Brexit anymore. And they're demanding their money back from the EU even though they voted overwhelmingly for Brexit. You're going, what do you think that Brexit was about, you fuckweds?

But surely in the divorce proceedings that they've probably all had due to being, you know, basically fucked up their lives, they didn't demand the next year's present. even though they'd left their wife, right? Like you don't get your anniversary present if you've just divorced, do you? No, you don't?

Although there's some interesting thing, don't you get to keep your rings? Alimony, yeah, yeah, true. Yeah. And if you become accustomed to, wait, isn't there? Certainly in America, it's like, if you become accustomed to a certain way of life, they have to keep paying for that.

Imagine if the EU had to pay Britain like alimony after Britain left it. Incredible. Priceless. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. What a shithole my ancestors came from? Is that why you hate the UK so much?

I was trying to get to the bottom of it. No, it's, my heritage is entirely different parts of Britain. I don't even have Irish, which is the good thing. Yeah. That's the same with me. I'm entirely English. Like, I didn't even get any Scottish. Nothing else on Anastrichton.

They're all from Yorkshire. Oh, God. No, why do you like living in Australia? Just the dregs. And the dregs of the dregs. So I have part Scottish and part Welsh, which is why parts of me feel oppressed by the other parts of me and resent them. But I also lived there as a kid for two years and absolutely hated it. It was just in the 80s.

Thatcher was running all the schools. They were constantly protest. It was just miserable. It was just horrible. So I know I have a deep lasting resentment towards everything to do with Britain, basically. And myself. The two things are connected. You're the exact candidate for Brexit.

I know. I'm projecting basically my flaws onto Britain. And they all fit. But the difference between me and Britain is that I understand that foreigners actually make things better because at least then you're not just there with yourself. I mean, the food we had in the 80s, you would not believe we had fucking spotted dick. It was served weekly in our school dinners. Yeah.

And the boiled, the boiled carrots. Spotted dick. But isn't there? Is that a sausage? Yeah, it's like a, it's delicious. Oh, no. It's all bubble and squeak, you think. Bubble and squeak.

It's all crap. Sounds all right, actually. When you were in Edinburgh, did you have haggis? Yes. Isn't it delicious? It was good. I don't understand why people don't like haggis. Had black pudding as well.

What is that? It's the sheep's stomach concept. I think people aren't into with that. But the one that I had was sort of, it had all these spices in it that made it really delicious. You've got to put yourself in the shoes of an ancient Scottish, you know, a villager. You've got nothing. There's nothing. You're living in a deprive life with a place with a shit climate.

nothing to do. Yes. Like the sheep, the sheep's stomach is actually the most convenient cooking receptacle you can find. Yeah.

That's the only thing available to you in the Scottish village. And full credit to the Scots for coming up with the term black pudding rather than just like congealed blood

on a plate. You know that they sell congealed blood in Russia still just for eating? As children's lollies. No. And they imply, because it looks a bit like

chocolate, right? And they mix it with sugar. They imply that it's chocolate-based, but there has no chocolate in it. It's a very popular lolly. It's just blood, congealed blood and sugar. That's so gross. That came straight from the Stalinist gulags.

Yeah, yeah, totally. It was a Soviet invention. Cool, thanks for doing that ad for the podcast. I've got to say, I'm now feeling much better about not having just spent somewhere in Europe. Oh, really? Because of the heat wave. The heat wave, the three-quarter beds, the blood lollies, British food. I mean, admittedly, you were just at probably the world's most exciting arts festival

seeing the cutting edge of everything. Yes, that was gold. That was really cool. But you had to go to Britain to do it, so. Yeah. Before you go, can you do a plug for your podcast? Because I noticed it on the Apple podcast store in the last few days. It's been featured.

It's new. It's noteworthy. Noteworthy, yes. What does that mean? New and noteworthy. I think it just means we have noted. We've noted you. They've noted you.

You and Gabby, yeah. And so they probably got a press release about it, was it, isn't it? Yeah. So what is it called? Okay, it's called I've got notes. Yep. And essentially we describe it as like book club but for music. Oh, wow.

So we just like listen. We choose an artist each time and then listen to some of their songs and then we give notes to the artist. And you're both. And you're both musical comedians. So there's a double meaning of notes. There's a double meaning of notes. Yeah, exactly the musical notes. And we're having a lot of fun.

We're giving good feedback, I think. Who are the artists that you've advised so far? Okay, Lord. Oh, actually, she needs it. She definitely needs it after her last album. And then, oh, we've got a new one coming out on Wednesday, John Mayer. Oh, yes, he desperately needs no.

Do you cover his personal life as well as his music? Oh, yes. When we give notes, we give it the full spectrum of notes. I'm quite glad we don't release music. I wouldn't want to be featured on this. Are you going to do Harry Stiles? Yes, I want to do, I think I want to do One Direction and then maybe do all of the boys, but, you know, Gabby doesn't seem as keen, but I'll keep pushing it.

Get pushing it. There you go. I've got notes. We also love to do a, like, one-hit wonder, or a two-hit wonder, like Natasha Beddingfield. Do you remember her? Which one is she? She does the, like, these words are my, from the heart. Do you know, no.

You guys both looking at her. I heard, I heard her singing the other. the day and realized she had no clue she was yeah she had two major hits in like 2000 and then yeah it's actually quite mean that we gave her notes given that her career is really not working out so i've got notes it's uh wherever you get your podcast apps we'll catch you next time floyd thank you for being with us thanks for having me see yeah our gears from road we're part of the a cast to create a network see yeah