The Chaser Report - The Chaser's Hottest 100

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

In the spirit of Triple J's Requestival, we're hosting our own music requesting bonanza... of our own music. Lachlan brings you all The Chaser's hits from the last year, as well as a polite encouragement to submit our song 'Coal Makes Me Cum' into Requestival so we can get played on air and win Hottest 100! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigall Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Friday the 30th of September. I'm Loughlin, head podcasting intern, sitting in for Charles and Dom today. Now, if you're not from New South Wales, you might not be aware. It's a long weekend this weekend, with Monday being a public holiday. But because the long weekend sometimes isn't long enough, Charles and Dom have both taken. today off quote sick quote uh don't fret though they'll be back on tuesday with sammy shah so

look forward to that sickies aside today is also a very special day dear listener for another reason today is the last day of an important religious festival a massive cultural celebration by Australians all over, ranging from anywhere between 35 and 45 years old. Today is the last day of Triple J's Requestivell. If you missed yesterday's episode with Triple J God Michael Hing or Hingers, I'll explain quickly, Hingers talks about Requestival, which is a great tradition where for one week the only songs that get played on triple j are listener requests which got me thinking we should do our version of that uh like our version of request of a little triple j joke there uh so if you'll indulge me

dear listener and you have to i would like to announce today as the first ever chaser report music requestable. Oh, fanfare, yeah, that's sick, cool. For today, and today only, we'll be playing nothing but listener requests for Chaser Report songs, because that's all I have the rights to. So, go ahead, text in your song requests to our hotline. Our number is 0419-282-188, which is the Chaser's Work Number. If a guy named Charles texts you back, that's just a glitch, keep trying.

To kick us off, though, I thought I'd play one of my favorite songs from the year that we had on the podcast. If we're doing Chase the Report music, it would be an unforgivable sin to not start off with a song by Gabby Bolt. So here we go, an ode to the most important skidmark in Australian history. Take it away, Gabby. me the lefty cucks they always attack me those other jobs well they had to sack me but p m's great just one thing that i'm lacking please don't tell anybody else at engad dene makers i shat myself oh please don't tell anybody else oh no oh no oh no oh no Just let it go Why can't you just drop it?

It's been so long 20 years I have cocked it The sharkies at one got the bid I got on it Haven't you had a light Where you did something brought in Jetty Cleves Can you come in hell

I'm an egg of day and makers And I shat myself Oh, if you could bring some pants and a new bell, oh no, oh no, oh no. Yes, we love to keep things nice and lowbrow here on The Chaser Report. If you've just tuned in, I'm Loughlin. You're joining us at the Chasers' first ever and probably only requestable. Don't Sue us please, Triple J, where you can request your favorite songs as long as they're by us. That was Gabby Bolt's divinal's cover, Shat Myself, which is both the name of the song

and what we did in the office when Gabby pitched the concept. Very funny stuff. If you'd like to pitch your own song for our request of all, text in to 0419-282-188. We haven't had any song requests in yet, but we have had plenty of people requesting more Gabby on the show, which I'm sure we'll have more of whenever she's. done dominating the musical comedy industry or whatever. Also, Gabby, if you're listening, you left a dare ice coffee in the fridge, and I'm wondering if it's cool for me to take that. Cheers.

Now back to the music. If you've come today to look for Scott Morrison themed anthems, you've come to the right place. Up next, another hit, one that I'm privileged to say, I've got to be a part of putting together. It's an honour to get to write music for some of the somber moments. in history when you're farewelling sometimes sometimes the only way you can possibly say that is with a song though admittedly it's not always a goodbye as much as it is a good riddance another election done it's time to hit the road your Australia's told you where the bloody hell to go now you're not p.m you'll have plenty of free

time given your history though you'll probably be fun it was totally predictable you wouldn't win this fine so i hope you booked a ticket to hawaii curries and steer clear of ingirdine work hard to keep your dodgy mates of trial well it's a goal in that smuggy fucking smile and that's time to go on holidays when the country is on file remember you can blame your wife You know I don't hold a hose mate If you have a go in this country

you'll get a go. How good is Gladys Loo? How good's Trevor Evans? How good is Gladys Barragickland? A former Afghani. How good's that? This is cold. Don't be afraid.

I've answered your question and I said no. Well, I've already answered the first question on several occasions. I've proposed to do that again. Well, I'd just reject the address to the question. I've already made my comment. You said the air was not a race, and now you're first in wine. I hope you don't just blame. If you have a go, you get a go.

How good's mum? Australia's taking wickets in the virus. Yes, something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you don't just blame this on your way. Now, I'm not going to pretend to you that I go out each day and I buy a liter of milk. I'm not going to pretend you that I'd do that. No, Scott, you'd never pretend anything at all. And you'd certainly never tell a lie.

That was how good riddance, our tribute and farewell to Mr. Morrison. With none other than our editor, actually, Cam Smith on the vocals. The man is an absolute polymath, so you can imagine how upset everyone was to discover he can sing as well. Cam forwards his apologies to the fans of Green Day, although I'm not sure why he thinks. that necessary. Now, I don't know about you, but I got a bit teary there listening to that one. Certainly was not the time of our lives, but we wish Scott all the best in his future as a Hillsong motivational speaker. Now, we're still taking requests here for songs at the Chaser reports request of all text in at 0419-282-188, but there is a text here asking a question.

It says, when you guys have to write the election result songs, how do you know who's going to win? Do you write two songs or was it just easier to rig the election? Thanks, Satan from Adelaide. Thanks, Satan, for texting in. We always knew that you were fan of the show. Now, it's a good question, because at The Chaser, we have to plan for all outcomes, no matter how sour. So we did actually have two songs prepared for the results on Election Day. Thankfully, we got to release the one that we wanted to.

That said, I am honored to share with everyone. next song, which takes a look at an alternate timeline. So join me, if you will, in the multiverse of sadness, take a glimpse at what you would have heard if the election had gone a different way. Sky! Well, good for you, Scott, we're so glad you get to keep your job. Here's the three more years of stupid fucking photo ops. Remember not to take your mask off the next time you will. How about you go and celebrate it and get in? Or maybe spend a billion on another submarine.

Just make sure to say it's all for Jen and the girls. How good are you for knowing not to shoot at women? Or just sing at Parliament House. I'm sure nobody behind your back is ever texting. You're a damn sociopath. Under all the color, the lights, snoring whatever part I was up to You clearly didn't care

Have you got to be elected? Scott, how good are you? Maybe next time you're in Hawaii Don't blame the vacation? on your wife and maybe next time that there's a fire just give holding

a hose and try well good for you for learning to fake empathy but why you need a coach to do that why you try it so hard to hand shake that lady like a damn sociopath for someone who's never told a lie

it's also not your job to tell the truth you got reelected I really don't get it Scott how good I Well, good for you, don't shit yourself again at Ngedeen. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. Thank you again, Gabby Bolt. That was our parody of Olivia Rodriguez's Good for You, which we suitably titled,

How Good for You? Whatever you want to call it, though, that song absolutely goes off. the energy that we put into it was just all of the angst that we could find the concept of Scott Morrison having another three years in power. And let me tell you, it got angsty fast. Funny story about that song, actually, Gabby recorded it in her parents' basement in Bathurst because she was up there to vote. Since Gabby wasn't in the office for this recording for the writing session, someone had to put together a guiding track, and I ended up having to be that someone. Now, I'm not usually allowed to sing in the office, so for the sake of humiliation and keeping standards low, here is the

best five seconds from that. Why you're trying so hard to handshake that lady like a damn sociopath. Someone who's never told a liar. Needless to say, we've never been more thankful for having Gabby Polis part of the team. Apologies to the bosses and ACAST for the 12,000 viewers that we just lost. All right. Now, in the spirit of stealing from Triple J, let's double down. Hottest 100 for last year was won by none other than The Wiggles, singing a funny cover of Tame Impala's elephant. We've all heard it, so I don't need to play it, also I'm not allowed to. But if the Wiggles can be on Triple J and do a song, then the Chaser can definitely do a parody of Triple J doing a parody of a Wiggles song.

So before you get lost in the Auroboros that is this entire concept of an episode, here's the interns singing Wiggle Songs. Announcing a brand new album from the Wiggles personally approved by Matt Kannervan. Reimagining all your favorite Wiggles songs. We'll get emissions going up real far Toot-to-to-chug-chug a coal-valka We're gonna burn the ozone down Jeff's too woke

He has pronouns in his bio Jeff's too work He owns a keep up Just too woke You're ruining all the fun now Jeff's too woke He needs to shut up Hands in the air

Keep them right there I'm the police Get on the ground Get on the ground! The only family-friendly album that teaches real family values. Fruit salad, keep them separate. Fruit salad, God's against it. Fruit salad.

It's unnatural if we let the gays get married. Who knows what they'll do next? There's two genders, there's two genders. There's two genders, there's two genders. There's two genders. Don't get offended In these Wiggles Only one is represented

Everybody now No abortions, no abortions No abortions No abortions No abortions No abortions With Matt Canavan's Wiggles' album

And that was the second last song We'll be playing for the Chases Triple J's Requestival Chaser Requestival festival I don't know what's going on either Look we're going to drop the act entirely, and I'm just going to get down to business. I've been talking about triple J, I've been talking about Requestival, I've been talking about songs, blah, blah, blah, blah,

you're probably wondering if you've made it this far, why do we at the chaser care and why should you care and why have I wasted 15 minutes doing this? To answer that question, we have to go back in time all the way to earlier in the year when a weird little man with a million jobs and no work to do ran the country. And we made a song for that man using nothing but his own words. Cole makes me come by The Chaser featuring Scott Morrison. It was a hit. We broke the iTunes charts. You probably remember DJs in clubs played it everywhere. And Don McLean said that it was the day that music died again. We at the Chaser were very excited by this. We finally made it into a lucrative part of the entertainment industry and could quit satire and

entirely. We had big dreams, and we wanted this song to get into the year's hottest 100, because if the Wiggles could do it, then so could we. Or so we thought. Apparently, to get on the hottest 100 voting list, your song has to be played at least once on Triple J. Now, because of reasons that rhyme with the PM can't say blunt on radio, Triple J refused to play our lovely Cole makes me come ditty and our dreams were shattered there we would never win hottest 100 because it wouldn't get played ever until now if you're listening to this podcast you're clearly into doing favours for the chaser so if you could just do one more today is the last day of request of all this podcast comes out at 4 a.m requestable starts at 6 a.m and ends at 10 p.m this is the last day for you to

submit your request to the mighty radio triple j deities and ask them to play cole makes me come by the chaser so go download the triple j radio app request that song and if we're lucky if we're really really lucky the chances of us winning hottest 100 will skyrocket from zero up to almost one. I thank you in advance for your participation. We're going to play one last song to finish the day. This one goes to fans of Cole, come and completely forgetting about Scott Morrison. Our gear is from Road. We're part of the AC creator network. Catch you on Tuesday. Fuck you and your family. The essential services you rely on. Right now as a criminal, the thing I love is corruption. Fuck you. Other c. floods and the push fires when disasters

So I'm ready to go on vacation in Hawaii. Coal makes me hard. Coal makes me come. My dick is it always hard for coal and it's only getting harder. Coal makes me hard. Coal makes me come. But the thing I love about coal is it doesn't run away in a disaster. All loads build up.

And when those floats burn all up, well, we know what happens. It makes me hard when I think about coal. New South Wales used it party hard. And we ended all of that. of that so we could have more coal the destroying of fun. I want you cunt to know I'm a criminal or the capital see. I love coal. I am criminal. I'm a criminal. Mr. Mr. I want to destroy the world. Coal makes me hard. Coal makes me come. My dick is always hard to coal and it's only dust, you're going to. Bullying, bullying, bullying. I want you cunt to die. China, China,

being racist gets me high. It's Australia's why that I'm such a cunt. This election is a choice. But the destroying of lives, people would die. Attention is genetic side. I think we're going to have to move on.