The Chaser Report - The Eternal Dictator | (FREE) WEEKEND EDITION

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Happy Father's Day, your Chaser Report Dad's have given you a free taster of their exclusive Weekend Edition podcast. In this special episode, Charles and Dom examine the recent behaviours of the world's most vile dictator, Dan Andrews.---Buy the Wankernomics book: https://wankernomics.com/bookListen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I'm coming to you from outside a very nice restaurant where I'm about to attend my second Father's Day meal of the day. And frankly, Charles and I are both so enjoying being pampered and indulged by our families that we haven't had time to record an episode for you today. So instead of what we're going to do is share with you the weekend episode that was published on Saturday, both because, you know, at least we give you something and so that

you can listen to what subscribers get. We're often more frank than we normally are in those weekend episodes for better or for worse. If you want to hear more of them, do consider subscribing. If not, maybe this will affirm your decision not to subscribe. Anyway, I have to go and have dinner. We'll see you with a proper episode very, very soon. Want to upskill in one of the most effective ad channels out there? With ACAST Ads Academy, you can learn everything you need to plan and run podcast advertising campaigns, completely free. Whether you're new to audio or ready to sharpen your skills, our self-paced courses fit your schedule and finish with an industry-recognized certification. So if you want to grow your expertise and stand out in a competitive industry, head to go.acast.com forward slash academy.

Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report, weekend edition with Dom and Charles. Charles, hello. Look, a really scary prospect has been visited upon the world in the past couple of days. And, of course, I'm talking about events in Beijing. I'm talking about the big conference. But I'm not talking about the, frankly terrifying array of Chinese weaponry that was on display. I'm talking about the conversation captured on a hot mic. which is amazing that countries control to China, we heard it at all.

The discussion between Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin about living forever through organ transplants, Charles, which raises the prospect of this podcast continuing for another hundred years. Oh, or a thousand years. I think this could be great. I mean, imagine if, you know, this had been around during the Roman Empire and stuff like that. Like, imagine how many calls we could make and then gloat about how right we are. if we had the entire span of history to draw from in terms of our predictions.

It would be absolutely fantastic. And it also, just projecting from that event, it would be only the most brutal tyrants from history who would have the resources and the power or whatever and presumably the ability to take organs out of people's bodies, whether they want them to or not, to survive. So you wouldn't get everyone from ancient Rome. You would just get, I don't know, Nero. Just get the deeks. No, you'd get the Elon Musks, the Mark Zuckerbergs, the Vladimir Putin's, and the Xi Jinping's.

What could possibly go wrong? It's probably only of your men, but all the worst Roman emperors you'd get. Probably Augustus would still be around. Look, I think also, can I just say, I've been listening to the rest of his history as you do, and Nero gets a bad rap from history. I haven't heard those episodes. I don't think Nero was nearly as bad as everyone thinks. He was just blamed for everything because he took, he, he would have sex with everyone's wives and then, um, and then he put his hoarding horse in the Senate, stuff like that.

I mean, but also he, and then he took everyone's land and that's when it was really, I mean, the sex thing was bad, but the, the land thing was, was, was what did everyone. Also, Charles, just the whole, you know, fiddling while Rome, burned thing. I mean, it's always been portrayed historically as this very callous thing to do. But from another perspective, it's very metal. Isn't it? To be rocking out on your fiddle. I mean, what else you're supposed to do? The Rome's burning down. You can't do it. They didn't have fire brigades back then. What's he supposed to do? No, exactly. Like, he was just living his best life. Which is what Xi Jinping and Vladimir Putin are trying to do. Or at least living their longest life. Yes. And also, Charles, I don't know if you've got any violinists in your house, but I mean,

as a string player myself, not that I over did this. You've got to practice every day. You can't stop just because your whole city that you run with absolute domination is on fire, you've got to get your practice in. Yeah, exactly. So that's like what they actually said. I've got the quotes here. Yeah, maybe we'd say, because I've been looking into the science of longevity. So you are right.

It doesn't come without, you know, a few moral quandaries along the way. But let's actually find out what they said. So it was a very, it was just brief chat. So Xi Jinping mused that people might soon live to 150. It's certainly true. The life expectancy for our generation, I think, is in the high 80s. It's really, I mean, we're going to be insufferable for a very long time, even without these changes. My doctor sat me down and said, whereas when you were growing up, Charles, you know, a GP would be aiming for your liver and your kidneys to sort of be, you know, basically at their use by date by about the age 90 or 100 because it was absurd that anyone would live longer than that.

They now have to sort of aim for about 120 years, knowing that everyone will die probably in their 80s or 90s, but you want a little bit of reserve in your organs so that you sort of can keep living, which is why they, you know, all the sort of health advice stuff kicks in in your late 40s, because actually it's sort of like, okay, we've got to really take the pressure off all these organs. I'm 48. Not even half. It's very clear, very clear.

So she said 150. But, no, but, sorry, if we harvest the organs, like, I've got two kids right. I presume I'm pretty compatible with them. This is the second part. I'm just to, just before you can do that. So then Putin replied to the 150 in the same way that men everywhere will try and overtrump each other and, you know, have a dick swinging competition. Putin says, our organ transplants could allow humans to achieve immortality.

So that's just fun chat amongst besties, is what that is. Yes, yes. But also probably what he has very much in mind for himself over the coming decades. I just don't know, Charles, when someone's been forcibly ejected through a window, I don't imagine the organs are usable. That's true, isn't it? Maybe, well, we haven't heard about any de-fenestrations. No, maybe he's changed his ways.

Or maybe actually they get thrown out of the window after their organs have been taken out. That would make more sense. Because remember, one of them got de-fenestrated from a whole. hospital. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's making a lot of sense. That makes total sense. They just literally, it was like the surgeon just chucked the body out of the window.

It'd be a terrible waste for all those organs. Yeah. No, I think you're making a lot of sense, Charles. It might actually explain why, because in the US, they've now flipped the organ donor, the onus on whether an organ donor should be, sorry, the opt-in nature of. of being an organ donor, right? Yeah, so previously in the US, it was very strictly, you have to explicitly opt in to organ donation,

and then there was this long process where they waited until you were completely dead, and then they were laid to harvest the organs. And now there's a sort of, it's an opt-out, it's assumed that you have opted in to the organ-doning system. And there's concern, this happened a couple of months ago, There's concerns that what it's going to do is going to lead to pressure, especially on poorer families who have very large mounting medical bills.

Just sort of go, okay, well, I think old Uncle Dommi's pretty much dead, so you can take his organs if you want. I think that's reasonable. I mean, do you remember that it's a Kazo Ishiguro novel and it got turned into a movie, Never Let Me Go, which basically was this school where the kids were being spoiler-er-lazed to donate. their organs, so they weren't going to have long lives. I mean, presumably in Russia, most schools are like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so there's the organ donor thing, which is, I mean, clearly what she and Putin are striving towards is, yeah, as you mentioned, like, if you need to sort of keep replacing your organs, because this was, I think, their delight, like in the hot mic, part of the delight was, yeah, you can keep replacing your organs now. Yeah, absolutely. Podcast advertising works, and with ACAS Ads Academy, you'll learn exactly how. Our free, on-demand courses are built for more than a decade of podcasting experience,

giving you practical tools to create campaigns that drive results. Complete the course, and you'll earn a certification that proves your skills in one of the fastest growing channels and media. Get started today at go.acast.com forward slash academy. Like, it used to be the case that, you know, you have one liver transplant. By the time you get around to the second or third, they go... No, you're not serving enough. That's pushing you. Well, but also it's just pushing your body's capabilities too much.

But they've got all the... It's like, same with knees, right? Oh, yes. It used to be the case that you only had one knee transplant or knee surgery in your life, and they've now worked out ways to sort of make it two or three. Anyway, so the point is, if you can do it indefinitely and therefore live forever, you are going to need to breed a whole segment of the population who know that they're not going to be the chosen one. Because I think otherwise people will fight too much.

Like you need a sort of system where their whole narrative framework for the life is, well, I live somewhat of a life and then, you know, you know, in debt, you know, like at the point where my organs are most prime, presumably in the mid-20s or something like that, where I've grown them up, I then ceremonially hand them over and go into heaven. Yeah, in a good way, though. In a good way, right? I mean, you're allowing your dictator to continue to rule. And it could be that these people who I'm suggesting maybe could be called the chosen ones.

Oh, that's good. It's the most virtuous, the special ones. Could actually have, yeah, they could have wonderful lives. they have to be austere, right? Like, they need to not drink alcohol as well. Yeah, no smoking, no nothing. Yeah. But they, but other than that, they could have lives of great plenty.

Like, they could have lives where they get to have sex all the time and they get to sort of, like, there could be a whole range of benefits and, you know, and just material benefits. I mean, Disneyland. Because they're the chosen ones. They could live in Disneyland. The cost of their organs pays for a really nice. life, yeah. But they wouldn't need education.

And they probably don't even need to be, they probably don't even need to be educated. No, of course not. Like, if you're a chosen one, it's probably better if you're not educated, especially in critical theory and concepts of sort of power and polity. But also, Charles, I'm just thinking, the top athletes, right, they're basically done by 30. They've got an amazing life. Like, if you think of the top tennis players or swimmers or whatever it might be, and there's nothing to give after that, they just become commentators, it's quite sad.

They can never recapture the magic. That's the point. where you kind of go, look, Vladimir, I've got this super heart. It's enabled me to be this amazing swimmer. It's yours. Yes. So it's sort of like we venerate them, we give them gold medals. And then, you know, at their last Olympics.

There's a window. It's like, okay, now go through that door. Yeah. Yeah, the special door. What a lovely idea, but then again, Charles, given the arrange of... The victory door. The victory door. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah. The special only VV-V-VIP door. Charles, but given all of this. Okay, given the kind of high-tech arsenal that was so tastefully displayed in China, in Beijing, do you think, Putin, do you think the Chinese are actually working on, you know, drones or robotic organs? I mean, you wouldn't need to do all that if you had an artificial heart that was better. I mean, why would an artificial heart be better than a human heart? Well, but it's like, it's like butter and margarine.

Like, it's fine. Like, you can have margarine if you're middle class. or possibly upper middle class and you get your sort of robotic heart and it's all right. But I think, you know, you always want, no, really you want to eat the butter. Yeah, yeah, that's true. So I think like if you're an Elon Musk or Mark Zuckerberg and you manage to completely climb your way to the top, you want to be harvesting real, I can't believe it's not a real organ. I mean, unless, of course, the tech ones are better.

But they're not going to either. No, no, it's true. It's sort of inauthentic. The human body version of kind of caviar or something, or truffles. But it's like, well, Georgio Amani. You want a Georgio Amani organ, not a cheap Chinese ripples. Quite a day to be, quite a day to be bringing that one up. I'm not sure he's there.

Well, he's dead now. We should be getting his organs. I'm not sure he's there in the state where you'd want them. But, I mean, maybe that would be a state of thing. Maybe that would be a status symbol for particularly Putin, I can imagine. Would appreciate a fine European designer as organs. Instead of who are you wearing, it's like who are you, who are you in, instead of who of you wearing, it's like who are you?

Who are you respirating? Whose lungs are you respirating? Who are you circulating? Who's harder? I'm Armani. Genuine item. I'm only inside it out. That's pretty good.

I've been able to say that until today. How tasteful. But, okay, Charles, well, maybe this whole conversation reveals one of the great mysteries of the Beijing event, which is why someone who, for many years, was very disdainfully known in Victoria as dictator Dan, found himself in a photograph with actual dictators, with Vladimir Putin, with Kim Jong-un, with Xi Jinping as the sort of, hi, I'm up the back, I'm in the back row, I'm the white guy, hi, hi, everyone, yeah, a little moment in the spotlight. Do you think he was trying to get the secret to eternal life from these guys? So perhaps he could come back and take over Victoria, potentially, definitely. Look, because he is, he is, I mean, I know the Herald's son went to town with dictator, Dan, right? But he is a dictator. I mean, his whole life has been very dictatory, like, especially the whole part about resigning voluntarily three years ago.

That was, that was just a very cunning. move to make people think that he wasn't dictated life. Well, I assume. I mean, I'm actually in Victoria. He's playing the long game. He's just been to Melbourne. I'm in Melbourne now as we record this, which is why it's slightly out of sync. I'm going to make some inquiries down here and work out if, like Kim Il-sung of North Korea,

perhaps Dan Andrews is actually eternal president, sorry, perhaps Dan Andrews is actually eternal premier down here. Perhaps he's actually still in the office. And perhaps the Chinese know this. Yes. And that's why he was there. Because otherwise it's like, why have you got this washed up dude who hasn't run the place for a few years? Can I just say speaking, like I know everyone's condemned it and you shouldn't be in the same, you know, photo as Vladimir Putin and...

I mean, you are the optics man, Charles. Kim Il's, Kim Jong-un, but can I say, and I was saying this to my wife just last night, if I'd got that invitation, I would have gone. And she went, yeah, I think that's why it was probably bad. But like, just doing it for the lulls. I mean, it would be a fascinating event to be at. I mean, if you were there. And you get to meet people who will go down in history as monsters. You know, like in the same breath as Stalin and now.

Absolutely. I once met Pol Pot. Here's me in the photo. I mean, Charles, if Dan Andrews had taken the opportunity. Look at my photo up with Pol Pot. Imagine if he'd trolled them, Dan Andrews. if he'd done a birdie or maybe he'd just unveiled a sign that said, I'm was stupid, or I don't know what else he could have done,

some sort of cheeky chaser-like. Oh, I see. Made it into a bit of a chaser-style stunt. Yes. Well, we haven't seen the video. Like, maybe he has. Maybe he's waiting to come back home before he releases. Probably good to get out of Chinese espionage, yeah.

But, I mean, Bob Carr was there, too. Former Premier of New South Wales, former foreign minister federally, and he decided not to go to the parade. I mean, he kind of went, hang on, they might try and try and take photographs of me, shaking their hands. So he actually demurred and sat at home. So it was possible, even at the 11th hour, to not be in a photo with Kim Jong-un, you know. Yeah.

I don't know. I just see, I think also, like, going through his mind must have been, this will piss everyone off. Yeah. I'll teach him to call me a dictator. Yeah. That's not, I'm not a dictator. This is a dictator. Oh, God.

But I would definitely, I would put that up, that photo up on my wall next to the Dictator Dan headline, which I'm sure he's got framed. I just think the other thing is dictator fashion is something that we really need to ponder. And I was disappointed by him, actually. I mean, Xi Jinping normally wears suits, but he went back to the Mao style jacket, whatever that's called, with the high collar. Kim Jong-win's always in the sort of military guard. And dictator, Dan, should have worn his North Face. The show I'm getting up to. Where was the puffer?

I know it was the middle of summer in Beijing. But if you've got a personal brand, I mean, all of the other dictators went back to the sort of militaristic stuff, the workers' party stuff. I know. Just, yeah. What a missed opportunity. I missed opportunity also for the North Face. I think corporate sponsorship-wise, I really, you know, there was a lot of money could have

been earned out of that. Now, I've got to go. I've got personal training to do, Dom, because. Like, I've got to keep my organs well enough, because I'm not convinced my kids are going to hand over their organs. Have you asked nicely? Don't they know it's your birthday coming up? Oh, that could be a 50th birthday. That's why I'm not coming to your party.

Signed and irrevocable. A signed irrevocable. That's great. I'm not coming to your party because I'm worried that you're going to harvest. Now that you're all wealthy and successfully, you're going to harvest the organs of everyone there. Oh, that's good. I should identify the biggest losers in the room. No, no, except you don't want the biggest losers.

No, you want the best organs. You want the principles. And as you know, I don't drink very much. So, I mean, my liver is in amazing shape, probably. Oh, yeah, your liver would be good. Yeah, okay. Well, if you could then me, your liver. I don't think I need it yet.

Okay. No, all right. Well, I'll just sign the piece of paper. That's all fun. All right. Well, enjoy your personal trainer. What a fitting way to end this podcast about longevity. And also, what a delightful insight into your world, your personal life for the paying

subscribers. Hey, everyone. Charles has a PT. Isn't that great? We are part of the Iconiclass Network. Thank you so much for subscribing. And we'll see you again for another exclusive weekend edition. Thank you for getting Charles.

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