The Chaser Report - The Future Has "No Good Outcomes" | WELCOME TO THE FUTURE

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

In an update to our Welcome To The Future format, Charles and Dom make peace with the fact that the future is here, and unfortunately it's the future from Idiocracy. So in that spirit, drink seawater! It's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes!---Listen AD-FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the future, future, future, future. And indeed the future of this occasional segment, which actually has its own feed. I don't know if I'm uploading episodes to it at the moment. But we've decided that the future beyond Bluetooth is one that needs examination. And look, what that basically means is that we're talking about, yeah, the future. in general. So it's not just a tech future. It's like

projecting into the future. And, you know, like, I think it's going to be fairly rosy. I think, you know, you know, we've got the Paris Accord. We've got all these sort of things in place that means that climate change is not going to go too badly. Oh, really? And I think everything's fine. We'll get it. We'll get within, like, as long as that we stay within that 1.5 degree ban. That the UN is just literally, as we record, and else is

impossible to make. What? That's off the table. What? But I thought that was a a lock. They announced it. They said that 1.5 was going to be all we got out of climate change. It says here and I'm quoting from the Guardian there are no good outcomes. Ah, well there goes my bet on

Polymarket, because I bet on Polymarket with really good odds, I might add, that we would meet all our climate targets that the UN would just deliver. Oh, Charles. And what you're saying to me is that they haven't. No, I've actually

misread genuinely. I can give you a little bit more hope after the ads, Charles, because I've somewhat misunderstood what they said. Okay. And I want to just criticize the Guardian, because if you read this headline... Is it alarmist? If you don't actually read the article properly,

you get this. Global heating will hit at least 1.8 degrees Celsius. The UN warns in there. Quote marks, no good outcomes. So that says to me, we're doomed, right? Is that how you read that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not what it means.

What it means is there are no good outcomes if it hits 1.8 degrees, but if the world does deep rapid emissions cuts and removes carbon from the atmosphere, if we can work out some sort of space vacuum cleaner for carbon, then, hey, we could actually keep it below 1.5. We can all relax, then.

Unclear technologies that are really effective at undoing the problems. Really vague and undeveloped technologies that we roll out very quickly. Every fraction of temperature rise. And presumably, not build a whole lot of data senders in the meantime. Well, but if we do, make sure they're well air-conditioned,

because that will help. I mean, the solution is obviously air-conditioning, isn't it? I know you've got other things to talk about. Yeah. Yeah, so basically, it's not off the table. Do you think that Nepal wouldn't have happened? Oh, dear. Yes, but caused by...

Should we just not go there? Actually, you probably have to address it. I think we need to go there. The scientists mentioned glyceum melt, which is obviously a tragedy in its... impact on Nepal recently and possibly if we don't do something the first of many such incidents. Well, I think actually there was a scientist on the radio this morning who was this fairly straight-laced guy who just went, no, this is the new normal. Like, we cannot stop this. This will

continue happening and it will get worse and worse because the ice melting. Apparently it was actually at 5,000 metres, which is considered quite low in Nepal and it had already mainly, melted, which is why it was such a surprise, because it was like, oh, well, there's not much more to melt. It should be fine. Well, the chilling thing I read this week was that anything that melts basically from there straight into the sea level from the Himalayas. So, yeah, look, it's not the best news, but put your faith in unclear technology to remove

carbon. Yes. So, I'm trying to work out how to elegantly pivot to the story that we want to talk about, which is, so JT, one of a long-term listener of this podcast. has sent on in a great suggestion for Welcome to the Future. And it's about, you know, Dom, how diseases are often boring to have. Yes, that's true. And the reason they're so boring to have is because nowadays, medical science is so good that you know what's going on.

So say you get a, I don't know, you get a cold. Not only do they say now, oh, you've got a cold, they can test you and go, oh, no, that's rhinovirus. Yes, or influenza A or whatever is. It's amazing, isn't it? It's amazing. Like, it's incredible. Like, it's just a snooze fest every time you go to the doctor matter. There's no suspense.

Because even... You get answers rapidly. Like, they announced, like, about a week ago that they're thinking of developing a vaccine for melanoma. Now, that's the only jeopardy in my life. The one thing that keeps me awake at night, gives me a scare. Good, a good adrenaline rush is dying of melanoma. I mean, you are. If I get the vaccine.

You are very fair. Yes. I mean, Charles, if you haven't seen Charles' There's nothing stopping me from being alive. There's no sunblock strong enough. But Charles, just to pivot briefly onto that, it's not that you get a vaccine so you don't get melanoma. Oh.

It's much better than that. It's incredible. What is it? And I interviewed a scientist about this years ago. And I said, when we first had MRI vaccines, I said, what else can we use the technology for? I talked to someone who knows a lot about this stuff. He said, one of these days they're going to be able to get the DNA of your tumor

and put it onto it, like into a vaccine platform basically, the same way they put the COVID DNA. You know how right after it was leaked? They had a candidate already. Straight into the kind of vaccine platform. So what they'll do is they will tailor a vaccine to your melanoma. And my vaccine will be particularly long and complicated. You'll need a really, yeah, you'll need like a deluxe.

It'll be. Turbocharged. Yeah. I wonder whether mine will be on the PBS. It'll be like, you'll need the sort of iPhone Ultra. which we'll have a shoot an episode about very soon as well as vaccines. Yeah.

But I've got some good news, Dom, because there's a disease that's just sweeping Texas at the moment. This is according to the magazine, Texas Monthly, which is called a kidney disease of unknown origin, right?

Isn't that sort of, and people are dropping dead from it? A medical mystery. And it's a medical mystery. And it's sort of like, it's so novel. Like, you just don't get that as much anymore. I was worried.

about the insensivity to people in Nepal, but the insensivity to people who apparently are dealing with very serious illness. Yes. Is this funny because they're from Texas? Well, the funny thing is, the even funnier thing is that this disease has apparently been around for years. Oh. But no one's ever really worried about it too much before because it only really happened

in really poor countries. Oh, now I understand how this is hysterical. Okay, okay. I'm with you. I understand. And so it's been sprouting up all over sort of crop workers. in Nicaragua and sort of South America and Central America. It's been around for years.

I think actually also in the Philippines and stuff like that. So it was just a kidney disease of, ah, basically. Is that what the doctors will say? It's called CKDU and it's, what is it, chronic kidney of unknown origin. Is that what it's called? Chronic kidney disease of unknown origin, right? Yeah. And the whole point is they have no idea what's going on, right?

And so, but it's just literally low-paid workers that keep getting this terrible kidney, and literally dying. Like, it's, and part of the problem is it occurs with low-paid workers in often countries that don't really have dialysis machines and proper renal care and stuff like that, which means that once you get it, you're basically, your life's over, right? So all these kidney specialists, now that it's in Reach Texas, they're going, what's going on? Is it a virus? Is it a pathogen?

Maybe it's some sort of, you know, like thing that, you know, like a pesticide or something like that that's causing it. And they're going, oh, maybe, maybe. Like, they genuinely don't know. But what they then realized is that actually it might just be related to climate change. That actually what's happening is these crop workers are working in increasingly hot conditions. So year on year, it just gets hotter and hotter and hotter. and they're working 12, 14-hour days out in the sun.

You just inevitably get dehydrated. Right. You know what they say about kidney? Like your kidneys is you've got to drink water. You've got to stay hydrated. I have heard this from kidney specialists that I know. Yes, exactly. You're very well acquainted with kidney-based specialists.

My goodness. So what happened? This is a great yarn. So this scientist, Rebecca Fisher, she really wanted to figure it out. Right. So she goes into Texas. She starts sort of analogue like taking. swabs, all this sort of stuff. But then she

realizes all these workers who are at great risk of getting it, because it's spreading through those populations, it's not drinking enough water. So she immediately gets them to start drinking, like just literally drink water, like have a break, drink water, gives them electrolytes and everything like that. Guess what happens? What happens?

They stop dying, right? Which completely ruins her study. Right? So it's as simple as hydration. Yes. So the problem is, like, she still actually claims that there might actually be a more complex thing going on, that there is, there could well be also some sort of pesticide that's not good for your kidneys that we're using. But the problem is she can't

study it because every time she goes in there, just from an ethical perspective, she can't let the workers, you know, work in the conditions that they actually do work in, which is that they just simply don't get the brakes to be able to drink enough water. Wow. She has to set up a protocol that actually means that the workers get a enough water and get enough electrolytes, and then they stop getting the fucking disease. I mean, once again, the investment advice from the Chaser report is paramount, hydrolyt. It turns out is, and just as a brief sidebar, Charles, while you look this up, once upon a time, my podcast co-host, Charles, saved my wedding day.

Saved my wedding day. Yes, I remember this. For which, long story, very early in the morning in India, was sitting in the direct sun for quite a few hours, had it absolutely splitting a headache. Couldn't do anything about it. You know, paracetamol didn't touch it. Charles just said, have a hydrolite. You were sitting in the sun.

I saw you getting, you know, kidney disease and un-sutin origin. And Charles gave me a hydrolight, which you happen to have with him. And within one second, I was able to go on with the day. He was like giving some sort of poor plant, water for the first time in months. I was the plant. Anyway, so. Welcome to the future. I guess the difficulty is, Charles, I assume the point of the story from here.

Let me just guess. Is that no one's giving higher delight to the people in the developing. Oh, yeah, no, no. So the problem is it's sort of an unsolvable problem because, but it's only going to get worse, because climate change is definitely going to keep happening. Yeah. But also, shit employment for low-paid crop workers. I mean, you'd need something like...

It's definitely going to keep going. Wouldn't you need... You'd need USA. It's unsolved. wouldn't you? You'd need a very, you know, expensive aid program run by, I don't know, the US or something, to deliver hydrolyte to those areas. And that got dismantled last year.

Or even just a system that allows workers to unionise so that they could actually... Oh, that's dangerous talk. Demand better conditions themselves. Charles, you know we've talked about this, that unionisation is unfair to bosses. There's no union for bosses. Yes. Well, there are country clubs. Yeah.

And exclusive. CEO, you know, there's the chairman's lounge. The chairman's lounge is the union for bosses. I kind of feel like in the US, the federal government is the union for bosses. Isn't that the satirical boy? Okay. So, well, we've saved Texas. We haven't saved anybody else.

Does this, so if we can end on a slightly brighter note. I think the point is that Fisher has now had to abandon her. Oh, so we don't know for sure. But she hasn't been a double-blind trial. She can't do the trial. she can't do her research, so she's probably going to give up and study something else, which means that the workers can go back to getting kidney diseases of unknown origin. Because as soon as she leaves, they'll start being dehydrated again.

But, Charles, isn't this a happy story, actually? Oh, yes. We can just go full circle for a moment. Because what I'm hearing from you is that this is yet another reason climate action is unnecessary. Because, I mean, you could invent a decarbonising machine that solves our problem and make sure that we don't go over the 1.5 degrees. Could you?

I don't think anyone has. We could. We could focus efforts on that. Oh, it's focus if it's. Or we could just give hydrolite. Yes. We don't. Oh, I see what you're saying.

Have we thought of spraying hydrolight into the atmosphere and see what happens. Yes. That is literally, literally the plot line of idiocracy. Really? Remember they, the idiocracies where they get increasingly dumb and then. Yeah, President Terry Cruz, the wrestler. And then Gatorade. buys the water system.

Oh, that's right. And so they start spraying all their crops. Gatorade. And the whole point is they think that it's going to be good because it's got electrolytes. Yeah. And then Luke Wilson comes along in the movie. The one smart person. And he goes, oh, you shouldn't spray electrolytes on newer crops.

And then, you know, they think he's a genius. Well, he was, I mean, clearly that's wrong. Idiocracy was made by idiots. Ironically. But the funny thing is, I watched Ineogistee the other night. It's not a great movie, but it is hilarious how it is just a little bit like a documentary about the Trump regime. I mean? Because they also sell off the food pyramid, right?

Oh, that's right. To the highest bidders. The food pyramid is sponsored by McDonald's and things like that. And it's sort of, that's exactly what happened with the FDA, because the stakes got put on the bottom of the pyramid. You're supposed to eat right. We talked about. Where's the kimchi in the? Yeah, that's right.

But Charles, I mean, look, it's not too far. movie that I know this is hardly an original observation, but Terry Cruz plays, as I said, great guy from Brooklyn Nine-N-N-N-N-N-He's the president. I can't remember his name, but he's basically, as always with Terry Cruz, and every role got his chest, his incredible, bulky, musk-y chest out. And, but that's, it's very close to UFC at the White House. Yes. Like, it's pretty much.

It is. Yes. Which was, I hope, hosted by Terry Creas. All right, well, look, I guess the thing to say is, it's not for us to pass moral judgment on who's right, hydrolyte or climate scientists or even President Terry Cruz. The important point to know is that this is where we are. You know, well, it just occurred to me that there may be a natural source of hydrolyte that we can tap into for those workers, which is that as the glacier mixes with the seawater,

with the salts. With the salts of the seawater, there will become a moment where the electrolytes, the saltiness of that water, is the same saltiness as that's in hydrolyte, right? And what we do is we bottle it, ship it to Texas, give it to the workers, two problems, both solved. Yeah, because the one thing you do, if you're suffering from dehydration, you drink seawater, that really helps. No, I'm just saying, no, no, but because it's freshwater mixing with seawater,

you don't want to, you just want a little bit of salt in there, that's where you do. That's where you get the thing. And that solves. As ever this podcast is not medical advice. That solves. That solves. the sea level problem as well because you'll be bottling it all

and not putting it in the ocean. Well, I just want to know which bottle water company is going to get the contract. All right, very good. Well, that was cheerful. Charles, thank you very much. We're part of the iconoclast network. Powered by salt water. Forget hydrolyte.

Drink ocean salt water. It's fresh. It's natural. Mixed with the glacier the glacier water. We're so cancelled. I'm going to be drinking seawater in Korea.

I love to this. See ya.