The Chaser Report - The Kyle And Jackie O Show with Charles & Dom

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

With KIIS FM looking for new talent, Charles and Dom have thrown their hat in the ring. Hold on to your dick cheese, folks.---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And the world's greatest conflict continues. And Charles, look, they've just, as we speak, moments ago, they've just bombed the meeting to elect a new leader in Iran. How are they supposed to rail against somebody and make them public enemy number one? If they can't even have a meeting,

to decide who the new public enemy number one is. If there's no Ayatollah, what's the point of the war? No, Dom, you see, what you're misunderstanding is we live in the modern era. Like, increasingly, over the past 30, 40, 50, 60 years, news cycles have got quicker and quicker and quicker and quicker. Right. And that includes demonising some sort of evil dictator. Like, when we were growing up, you know, it was, you know, Saddam Hussein.

But that lasted, like, for several years. that he was, you know, maybe a decade. Itholah Khomeini, he was around for a couple of years. He was the enemy. And then, you know, Gaddafi, he was, you know, there was lots of, but they would last for years and years and years, and increasingly over time. You know, Maduro, do you remember Maduro being public enemy number one? For a while there.

It was like three weeks ago. Yeah. It was three weeks ago. Charles Simile Kirstama, public enemy number one, not letting the Americans use his bases. Very, very cooperative. Yeah, when you're talking about bombing. Are you talking about bombing Iran or were they bombing the houses of Parliament in the UK? Because I think Trump is pretty hard to know.

I'm pretty angry. Yeah. I mean, I certainly think Spain should be sort of, you know, re-arming quickly because Trump is very angry at Spain for not. He's very angry. But it's funny. The Spanish have a, I see here, the Spanish have got a military base Charles at a place called Moron. And I really think the American should be allowed to use that one. Yeah, I don't think that, I think they feel right at home there.

So, but Dom, the thing that fascinates me is, remember, like, I know it's so many sort of conflicts ago, but maybe five or six weeks ago Trump was about to invade Greenland, right? Yes, that's right. Yeah, and the world stood up. The world stood up, you know, as one against Trump at that point. And Trump backed down. Remember that? And Carney, who's actually in Australia at the moment, made that point.

made that big speech saying, oh, we should all band together as middle powers. At Davos. Yes. And fight the bullins. The Europeans sent a very, very small detachment of troops there on a training exercise. Just like, hi. Yep. And then back down.

And so the thing is that, you know, skip forward six weeks, Trump has just, all he's done, all he's done is, he's just picked on a different enemy, right. And that coalition of middle powers has just collapses. Like, it's amazing. how Trump has the measure of these world leaders as a way to split them apart from each other and just sort of rule the roost. Like, what has changed in terms of the idea that America shouldn't be a bully that unilaterally uses its power to go and pick on sovereign states? Well, nothing's changed.

It's just like, it's just like six weeks later and everyone, like, it, let's just take some ads for a moment, Charles. We will get on to another almost bigger. The bigger, the conflict. The Colin Jack Yosho after these ads. Charles, just on that point, though, just on, I mean, you're saying that there was some pushing back against the notion that Mike makes right, that there's, you know, the loss of the rules-based order.

The thing I think everyone's been reminded, Charles, is that sometimes, you know, you can complain against might makes right and you can think of people as bullies and so on. But sometimes it's that only makes the bully pick on you instead. And that's what we've seen. I mean, I would not, Charles, despite this war, despite the deaths that have occurred, I would not want to bet against Donald Trump winning the Nobel Peace Prize next year. Because the Nobel judges are as bombable as anybody else in this world, Charles. I wouldn't oppose him for a second.

But don't you think we owe it to, I don't know, democracy and the rule of law to kind of stand up for it even the face of evil? Like, isn't the sort of long-run scope of history based on, being a little bit, you know, like... Well, when, Parake Obama had those inspiring words about the long arc of history bending towards progress. But who's Barack Obama anymore? You know, that was the end. The arcs bent the other way now.

I think someone bombed that arc of progress chance. But it was a he bombed a whole lot of Afghanis. Oh, yeah, he attacked Iran too. In fact, in the classic category of there's a tweet for everyone, I was listening to the rest of politics, US. They found all the tweets where Trump criticized Obama for attacking Iran because he was too weak to negotiate with them. So, you know, it all goes around again.

But Charles, any more thoughts before we got onto the other defining conflict of our age? No, well, look, I thought we should just start out with the smaller conflict and then we'll go to bigger conflict. Hang on. There's one point we need to make, Charles, before we get onto that, which is that this war in Iran, it's gone too far now. It's gone too far. I mean, in national human rights, civilian casualties, all these sorts of things,

going into a conflict with absolutely no apparent exit plan or strategy. in violation of the power doctrine, that's another. But Charles, I understand that you, you Charles Firth, have been slightly inconvenienced by this war. And this is the point where we draw a line in the sand and say, too far America. Yes, exactly. I mean, sorry, too far Iran.

It's their fault. They started this. No, so my flight was going to go through Doha next month when I go to UK for my sold-out tour of Europe. But unfortunately, I just thought I actually should call it. But I rang up and they refunded in full. They went, oh yeah, there's no way you're getting there next one.

Wow. But the best thing is, I'm now going to go via China instead because that's by far the cheapest way to get there. Well, that's the safest too. No one's, no one's messing with flights in Beijing. I don't think even Trump would dare bomb China. No, that's the safest place to. I mean, you might find London gets bombed.

Yeah. But Beijing is absolutely sweet as, not a chance. Yeah. Like, if you're wanting sort of, so anyway, so I'm going to go, instead of going by Qatar and that sort of. horrible abrogation of human rights and, you know, essentially slavery that Qatar has. I'm instead going to go via China. And I think my flight will actually fly over the Uyghurs and their imprisonment.

I'm sure. I will. Yeah. And the great thing, I mean, you can see all the latest robotics in the airport. There's not really a democracy that you can go via to get to Europe. Like, how would you, I mean, the Singaporeans would sue you for saying that, Charles. You could go on, you can go on, Maloney. Asia Airlines.

Yeah, but the Kala Lumba then goes into Turkey. Yeah, but if you go KL, then you've also got to stop over in Istanbul. And look, I love, I love Turkey. I love Istanbul. Again, another kind of managed democracy. But isn't the point that Turkey is sort of not, you know, necessarily. I'm trying to think of an airline with democracy next. All the way through the bomb.

I was thinking of Thai, no, I don't think Ty is going to get you there at the moment. No, they don't think any of the Asian carriers. Do we can? Oh, you could fly our India. Flyer India. That's only... Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's the way. And look, it's just been bought by the billionaires in Tatar. Apparently, it's quite good now. Or actually, Japan is the other way. Oh, yes. Oh, but that's very expensive. You know, I looked into going to Japan over Easter briefly. $4,000 for an economy return flight.

So I don't think you're going to do that. Anyway, so my point is that the real... Anyway, the wars come home. It's come home to your travel plans, Charles. And that's not okay. Too far. Too far. You can bomb a holiday.

of school girls and kill 165 school girls, but you can't affect my travel plans. You can total a hospital. That's where I draw the line. Okay, so talking of horrible, let's talk about the Kyle and Jackie O conflict that's even bigger than the Middle East conflict. Look, this is huge. This is absolutely huge. Jackie Henderson, Ms. Jacqueline Henderson, as the RN board statement called her,

which no one knows her as, has advised that she can no longer work with Mr. Kyle Sandelands. I think this, what, 27 years after, 27 years after, starting with Kyle, she suddenly realized that the guy is just a little bit of hard work. Yes. I mean, it must have been really astonishing to her. So, look, there's a lot of things to say about this. Like, I was talking to people about it yesterday and everyone was going,

oh, it's rating season, you know, maybe it's a praying or something. But the ARN board informed the ASX. I think this has actually happened, right? Like this is not some sort of trick by then. This is, this is as big as it gets. Like the Herald wrote an article today saying this is the biggest thing to ever happen in Australian media. Which, you know, like, I mean, it's the hyperbole that something like Kyle and Jackio show deserves, really. But it's interesting because the, I just want to focus on the legals of it.

So Jackie O said, I come with Kyle. They've said, and then so ARN has gone, okay, well, you can have your own show. Jackie O, you've done nothing wrong, but you are in breach of contract. But hang on. Yeah, so they have said they want to keep her, but she's breached her contract, so they've cancelled it. So she's not on the big pay deal anymore. That's the thing.

No, exactly. Of this, that pay deal is done. But Kyle still has a contract, right? But they've entered this sort of formal legal contract period where I think he's got something like 14 days to create a remedy for the fact that his co-host has left him Which means he's basically got 14 days to find another cost. So what he's got to do is he's got to find somebody who is prepared to work with him for only $100 million. I don't think that's going to happen, Dom.

I don't think anyone is going to say, oh, yeah, I would work with, I would wake up every morning knowing that I've got to go in and say hello to Kyle Sandlin. Charles, and all I get is $100 million. I made a terrible mistake. I made a terrible mistake yesterday. I actually tweeted, and I haven't tweeted in a long time, but I just, I tweeted in a rush of blood. I see.

I am willing to work with Kyle Sandler. It's before the whole thing was Axe, when it was just a, when we thought it was a publicity stunt. I'm willing to work with Kyle Sandelands for half of Jackie O's salary. I tweeted. And then I'm, well, actually, actually two thirds. Yeah, right. And that was a terrible misjudgment.

I want to correct the record. I would need double. He's going to, he's desperate. He's going to try and get you in to do it. Well, I mean, you know. You're the lowest bidder. I'm the lowest bidder. I'm putting you're the only bitter.

I'm very used to working with, with unpleasantly egotistical alpha male types. Do you, broadcasting and television and stuff? Do you like sort of doing sex jokes and doing jokes about like the sound? Like, you know, what's that sound of, you know, who's urine? People's penis. No, no, like, didn't they have a urine sound effect competition where all that stuff? They recorded somebody peeing and they had to work out who's doing. Measuring penises, all that wonderful theatre at the mind that radio.

Let me see if I can just audition, Charles. Just give me a second ago. Oh, okay. Let's do something out. Let me just try it. Let me see if I. Hello, welcome to the Kyle and Jackie O show with Charles and Dom. Okay.

John. Charles can just on the voice, make it a bit higher and a bit more sort of nauseated and just a little bit like, basically, basically, if anyone annoys you, you're going to shout at them. Like that kind of person? Okay. And just a big rating. All right. All right.

You got it. Welcome to the Carl and Jackie A show with Charles and Dom. Dom, what are you thinking about your penis? Oh, Kyle, you can't do that. Was that good? Do you reckon I mean, send that through? That's your tape. Just send it through.

Send it through to ARM board. I mean, but this is it. This is the recording in. We know, we know the new head. This is the one of the great irony's situation is that the guy who's just parachuted into running ARA, I think, you know, content director, is Dave Cameron, who was formerly at SCA. Didn't he say us? I remember emailing, no, he wasn't there yet. I don't think so. We emailed him a bunch of times going, hey, you know how he got really good ratings on Triple M?

Do you want to maybe, like, give us a job? And got very nice replies, but no. So I don't, I'm not sure. But look, maybe he's more desperate now than he was then. So you see, Charles, there's an obvious gap in the market, isn't there? I mean, there's an obvious gap for who knows what's going to happen. Unpredictable breakfast show for Sydney and maybe five people in Melbourne. Okay, I think I can see where you're heading with this. What you're saying is the Chase Report should become the Kiss FM breakfast show. Is that what you're saying? I'm saying that it should.

Let's just take some, let's see what they would do. Let's just throw to some ads, shall we? Okay. Welcome to the Kyle and Jackie O's show. Oh, Kyle, you can't say that. And I don't know what you're going to say after the ads, Kyle. Hold on, I've just got to go and poo on my dog. So I was just trying to think of something really distressing.

That was very good. That was horrible. That was Kyle-esque. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can talk about like Dick Cheese or something. Is that a thing that they'd talk about probably? Oh, yeah, I love Dick Cheese. It's just like Camembert but got more blue in it.

I don't know. I think. See, I've never listened. They don't do jokes. They don't do jokes. And that was actually, that was actually a pun. So, yeah, and Camembert, Kyle would not be across Camembert. If you'd say it's just like craft singles.

Anyway, look, we can work on it. We can workshop it. The question is, do we want to do what Kyle and Jackie O do? It would mean we have to talk about a lot of celebrity gossip and a lot of really personal, awkward stuff. There is one thing that they do, that we do, though. So we've got one thing down. They, like us, have realized.

So everyone says how amazing Kyle and Jackie O are because they, no holds bar, they don't have any secrets. They do, you know, they'll say anything on the air. What they've learned is that having your production meetings on the radio means you can leave earlier. It's actually, it's not honesty, it's laziness. And this is the same. We have all of our important conversations about the podcast on the podcast so that we get a daily

episode out of it. Yeah. Well, yeah, okay. So what we do is we just, so how long, so with ads, it wouldn't be more than 20 minutes. I was thinking about this. So they do, like our show, if we stretched our show out with ads, including the stuff where we always talk about our production schedule and stuff of that, that would be a standard show.

I think we'd do about the same amount as Kyle and Deco at the moment. Probably would. I mean, they are great because they stay on until, I do admire this. They stay on until like 10 o'clock rather than 19. I just keep banging on. How do you know about this? I've never listened to this show. Why would you know?

I've barely listened to it, but I've talked to people about it because I want to try and understand why it's so popular and worth $100 million each without actually having to listen to. It's quite a hard research task. But that's part of it. I say on for a very long time. So, Charles, I think, yes, if we went on air, let's just, hey, look, here's the thing. You don't need a transmitter in 2026 anymore. You don't need an expensive studio. All you need is the internet.

We could just go online at 6 a.m. We could start streaming a breakfast show. Yes. And just take their audience. And just take the audience. Then they have to give us $100 million. Yeah, from Monday. From Monday.

From Monday. From Monday. We will launch the Kyle and Jackie O show with Charles and Dom. I reckon that's a good name. Don't you think? Or do you think it should just be the Charles and Dom show? No, I think it needs a bit of sizzle. What about poo on your dog show?

Why do we laugh at that? If we laugh at that, then that's, Thanks as bad as them. Then they win. Yeah, I'm trying to think of what the legality is. I mean, we can't just call it the Carl and Jackie O show. No, we call it the Carl and Jackie show with Charles and Dom. Yeah, that's totally fine.

Or the Kyle-ish and Jackie-esque show. But that's not as good. The Jackie O and Kyle show is probably what it should have been called. There's a total left term, but I need to tell you. You know how a few days ago I was raving about how Claude was helping me with my legal documents, stuff like that? And just doing first drafts and sort of this co-work thing where it actually just writes it for you in the document. Anyway, I ran it by an actual professional, like an accountant. Oh, right.

And he went, yeah, that doesn't work at all. It's just completely illegal. You can't do that. Of course, that idea. And it's just that idea. And he said it, I think you should get a proper lawyer to look at this because it just doesn't make it. Like, you're not allowed to do that. It's just illegal.

what Claude's proposing. So, yeah, maybe, maybe our jobs are safe for the moment. Anyway, sorry. I'm just asking, I'm just asking Chat Chiquet. No, what I'm saying is don't, yeah, if you ask Claude, it probably says, yes, you can call it Kyle and Jackie O's show with Charles and Dom. That's fine. But isn't that then defensive?

I'm just saying that may not actually be true according to, say, you know, actual law rather than what chat do you be teaching. Oh, there's, it's no use at all. It says we can't use Cullen Jackio and we can't use confusingly similar phrasing. And it's got some ideas, though. Ben and Bella are in the morning. And big morning energy stuff. Wake up wild.

I am uncensored. The breakfast is it. Does it suggest poo on a dog? It hasn't got poo on a dog. I think this could actually be. What about the dick cheese with Dom and Charles? Dick cheese with Dom and Charles. That's got a good.

That's really good. The Dick Cheese show. Yeah, yeah. And now for some. more dick cheese. I think that would also kind of paper over the fact that I can't quite do Jackie as well as you do Kyle. I think you are born to be the big Carl Sanderlads.

Thanks. Okay. Now the thing is you need to be really rich and completely comfortable with like turning up in a Bentley and stuff. Can we get you a Bentley for Monday? Oh God. See, even that. I would prefer to be poor and Bentley-less than than have a Bentley.

Like to see your third last post on their Instagram, Charles. It's worth looking. at. Because I was looking at it, they've basically republished this real estate ad for Kyle's mansion that he's selling. Look, Charles, the big question is, I mean, are we actually going to do this? Sydney needs people to step into the breach. They get big ratings. There's money in it for us, potentially. This could be the making of us. Yes, okay, well, let's do it. Let's definitely do it. 6 a.m. on Monday. Great. Yeah. I'll meet you there. Okay, well, look, we're with the Dick Cheese Network. We'll catch you next week.

I think the biggest problem with this idea is that if we pitched Dick Cheese to Triple M that actually green lighted. He would? They would. They totally would. All right. There you go. New for breakfast in Sydney and technically Melbourne.

Have Dick cheese with your breakfast. Wake up with Dick cheese. You have Dick cheese for breakfast. Wake up with Dick cheese. It just, it might itself. Just go away. Okay. I'll see you.

Actually, hey, what we should do is have a massive falling out for publicity purposes. Yeah, okay. No, we should. that I'm away with the fairies. No, no, we shouldn't have a falling out. Oh, Kyle, you're always bullying me in the workplace in a way that has been happening for years and no in an HR has ever tried to stop it. Just quietly.

Do you think this is all, like somebody said, look, it would really help us if you just had a, you know, like, you could just break your contract? Like, this isn't working out for anyone. I mean, that's the conspiracy. Yeah, that's the conspiracy theory is that they're doing this for ratings of publicity. I think the real conspiracy, and I don't know, but my heart bothers this would be, that they have both blundered into what the board wants, which is that they're hemorrhaging money and we'll go bankrupt if they don't cancel the contract.

I think, you know what my conspiracy theory is, is that Jackie O has been suffering from some sort of brain damage for the last 27 years. She woke up one day. She woke up one day and got rid of it somehow. I'm working with who? Maybe she sort of cleared her ear and something fell out and then she sort of had clarity. Maybe she's just been miserable for 27 years. years. Or maybe she had a brainworm like RFK.

Yes. And it's finally. Yeah. Okay. Let's just go. This is terrible. I think we've proven that we can't do this for three hours and say. We can't do it. 23 minutes. Okay. See ya. Bye. We're part of the Icona class network. Coming soon to Breakfast Radio near you.