The Chaser Report - The Last PM of The Cross

Episode Date: April 30, 2023

Kyle Sandilands invited Albo to his wedding, but then to make people feel comfortable made up for it by also inviting some underworld figures*. Dom and Charles were totally invited too. *as described by their publishers. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. I am Charles. Yep, that's right. This doesn't get old. I'm Dom. Hello, Charles.

How are you? So, you going to Carl Sanderlands's wedding? Have you been invited? Wasn't it this past weekend? So I guess not. I guess... Oh, you weren't invited? No, I wasn't invited.

Oh, see, because I went. Oh, damn. The fact that I didn't know that it was on is just because it was such a great wedding that I forgot that I had been. Kyle didn't turn up to work on Friday. He missed the shift. So, do you know where he was? Was he with you? Oh, yeah, we were hanging out.

It was me because you've got to understand. Like, he invited Anthony Alvonezzi to his wedding, who came along. The New South Wales Premier Chris Minns came along. Some other, what, drug dealer, bikey gang guy? No, no, respectable business figure, John Ibrahim, who we can't say anything bad about. Oh, no. For reasons involving legal jeopardy and personal.

His character is as pure as the driven snow. That he did not sell. Yeah, that he did not sell at that wedding. Yeah, or indeed, any of the nightclubs in the cross. Which we've never been to, by the way. We've never been to any of the venues. We're all without anyone dubious. I'm sure Kyle wasn't somewhere in the cross.

Yes. If by the time people hear this podcast, he may not actually make it alive. I mean, clearly we're recording this week before. He may not have made it alive to the wedding on the weekend. It's going to be an interesting one with the Premier and Prime Minister next to alleged underworld figures. I think he's called himself an underworld figure in his own autobiography, King of the Cross.

I mean, it is tradition for Labour parties to seek donations from some. such figures. In fact, in the history of the Labor Party, they've been some of the greatest cabinet ministers, have been crooks who ended up. Oh, not the, not the, not the, no, he's not a crook. I'm going to do what the ABC have done. And they've said, a man described by his book publisher as Australia's most notorious underworld figure, never convicted of anything.

No, definitely not. There was also a convicted drug smuggler at the wedding as well. Plus Anthony Albanese. Why would you, if you were the prime minister of this. country and your whole persona was being as boring and safe as possible, why on earth would you go to the wedding of Kyle Sandelands? Because he's an Australian success story is what Albo said. At one point he was homeless living on the streets of Sydney and he's grown into, and I quote, a significant public figure, which is, I think the most positive thing anyone's

ever said about Kyle Sandelands. Certainly the commercial radio regulators never said it a thing that generous about his work. Yes So that was So that was good I got a raging hangover though Oh really? Yes

Having been to that way From the Sherbetts Yeah from the Sherbetts Did Albo DJ Because he did promise on air to DJ I think the strategy of asking Anthony Alameding He did promise to do things

On air is one that Can you imagine if Kyle Sandler Has used that evident power that he has For other purposes Like instead of going Yeah Albo we can't have my wedding You got a DJ at my wedding

What if he said Are you increased job seekers So that it's a deliverable wage And he would just suddenly do it Oh, he'd be like, oh, I'm put on the spot here on live radio, I've got to come up with something. Carl, can you, maybe, I mean, given that you used to be homeless, maybe that's something you might want to turn your mind to? Yeah, can you fix the housing affordability crisis by putting a rent freeze on all rental properties? I mean, he's fixed his own affordability crisis for housing, I think, doesn't he, mate, $25 million or so?

$5 million a year, I think, before he even gets out of bed, which he presumably doesn't. I mean, I think the whole thing is, you know, Anthony Aberneesie, he grew up in government housing. Yeah, it's important to say that again because from his perspective, you can't say that enough time. It's council housing, public housing, subsidised housing for those who are just not well to do. He didn't have a silver spoon in his mouth, Charles. And he's made it back there.

He's now in public housing. He's got Kiribili House, he's got the lodge. He's got several public houses. That's true. I don't, look, it's too early to write the sort of political obituary of Albo. He might be around for a very long time. He might do all manner of things. But you wouldn't say that he's come rushing out of the gate to ensure that other struggling families have housing.

He wouldn't say that that's been item number one. I mean, he's certainly helped struggling sub-brain manufacturers enormously. But in terms of public housing, I'm sure it's honest to do, this, somewhere. What if, you know how they have house boats? Do you think maybe if Australia invented house submarines, then suddenly he'd want to spend hundreds of billions of dollars on it? A council, council sub. Nuclear-powered... Nuclear-powered...

...courable... Yeah, that's a great idea. Yes, that's what we do. And, I mean, they can stay out to sea for apparently months on end. Yes. They've got like a perpetual battery in this nuclear propulsion system. And what you do is... Because it's very hard to transmit radio waves through the ocean.

So what you do is you'd put Kyle Sandlerons in the house submarine. And then you wouldn't have the problem of having to listen to him in the morning. And the other thing is not that this is going to happen because clearly this is never going to happen but in the unlikely event of someone mistakenly charging John Ibrahim with anything, Australia to the sub out of Australian Territorial waters and you're all good. That's right.

Actually, that's where Kyle Sandelands should be having his wedding. It probably is where he had it. I imagine what's happened on the weekend is that a large chunk of Dover Heights is just sort of detach itself from the mainland, gone whatever, it is 12 miles off the coast. Outside of the jurisdiction. jurisdiction of Australian law and the federal police and, you know, a bit of a rage out there

but I wasn't invited. So you weren't invited? No. See, but everyone who was anyone was, oh well that's the reason. Yeah, that's what I was. Chris Minn's though. I mean, he's in a perfect position, isn't he? Don't you think? I mean, everyone would have been saying to Alba oh, Prime Minister, Prime Minister, or Alba,

how drunk they were. No one would have talked to Chris Minz. No one would have noticed he was there. I don't think he gets recognised in the street. It hasn't been Premier a month yet, has he? Yeah. Or no, he just don't. over a month. He's definitely no one knows who he is still. Well, the thing is, what he's been doing, he's been very busy. Has he? Yes, because he got elected on the promise of unfreezing all the wage freezes on public sector wages, right? Yeah, that's right. And his entire month

has been spent furiously backpedaling from that one single promise that he took to the election. So apparently all the unions have come out in the past week. I think the ETU came out, which is the electrical trades union. I think the TWU has started complaining about it, where suddenly there's a holiday detail, Dom. Oh, I see. You can't just make a blanker promise like, oh, we'll unfreeze wages. And then unfreeze wages.

No, no, no, that would be ridiculous. That's way too simplistic thinking. But also, Charles, how was he to know? How was Minzi? Minzie, is that, is that still a thing? I don't think it's a thing yet. Minzy, how's Minzy to know that he'd come, it sounds like Menzies, doesn't it?

That he'd come into office and discover that the books, Charles. The books were far worse. Oh, they were far worse, were they? Far worse. What a shock. I mean, it's never heard that. No, government's ever come into office and said, oh, we've just taken a look at the books.

It was Dominic Perrote's big black hole. Oh, it's a big black hole. That's not like that's a tradition that every single incoming government goes through. Oh, my goodness, we can't do the wage rest. And the thing is, this is the thing Labor's realizing increasingly, state and federal level, is there's not really anywhere else to go. I mean, where else are Labor voters going? Where else is the ETU going to go to get any? It's not going to go to the Greens, certainly not the Liberals.

Well, I think they're going to go 12 kilometres offshore to the underground houses, yeah. Because this is the thing. I mean, what's the ETU, it's going to be four long years until they're needed by the Min's government at all for re-election. And then they'll probably say, oh, okay, the next turn. next term we'll undo the freeze, there's no more else to go. And this is the same as the JobKeeper thing. Labor knows that its voters, they're not going to vote for the coalition, particularly not this coalition under Peter Dutton,

which seems to have no discernible policy rather than I don't like it, which Paulian Hanson pioneered long before. So where would they go? I mean, Jesus. The problem that they might have is, I mean, a lot of people like... What if all their voters, though, die of exposure because they can't afford to have a... home to live in?

Like, is there a problem that Peter Dutton scrapes across the line because half the population of Australia just simply can't afford to live in. And only the Liberals survive. Yes. Because they're the ones who own the houses. Yes. Yes, but Charles, they'll be foreclose.

They'll have to foreclose because their tenants will all be dead. So they won't be getting enough rent to pay for their business properties. Yes. And they'll turn into filthy Labor voters. They'll go to the wall. Because, no, because they won't be landlords anymore. No. And they'll suddenly go, oh, well, I should vote.

Labor. They're going to need council housing, but now by won't have built any for them. None of the medical advice contained in the Chaser Report should legally be considered medical advice. The Chaser Report. I do find it amazing. The line from Labor supporters, not Labor politicians, but Labor supporters now, seems to be, when you chat to them and you say, oh my God, Labor's very disappointing, aren't they? It seems to be, don't worry, it'll be much better once Labor gets elected, right? Yes, and you keep on going, but hang on, Labor's elected. Labor's elected everywhere. Labor is in power.

Like, the decisions that they're making are clearly what they want to do. There is nothing stopping labor. This is the high water market. But even further than that, Charles, not only is there nothing stopping labor. It's not like John Howard when he met his downfall because he got total power and every, you know, and he brought work choices in. It's not like that. No. Because Albanese, he has to work with teals and greens.

So people dragging him to the left, they're all urging him to do more on climate, urging him to do more on stopping money, urging him to do more on housing the Greens again, and he's just pushing back, no, no, don't drag us to the left, we don't want to go there. So it's like Labor being pulled to do something. But you see, Dom, you've got to understand, it's very immature, you're very, you're so naive in thinking that just because Labor's elected, they should do the things that they were elected to do that everyone wants them to do. I think that is a very naive perspective. Labor's the adults in the room. They're the responsible guardians. They're the people there to just, you know, like an adult.

You know how when you're a child. Or I'd like you to have ice cream every day, but you can't. Yes, exactly. When you're a child and your dad said to you, your mum said to you, don't touch that electricity outlet, you will kill yourself, right? that's Labor's role, right? Like, don't fix the environment. You will.

Sorry, I'm trying to... An analogy for a sound. You know, he spoke a lot of sense on this. Yeah. There's a guy... Albany's who might want to listen to this guy, quite a prominent commentator. I won't say his name just yet.

Who tweeted a couple of years ago, the government's been forced to admit that $40 a day is not enough to live on. In the aftermath of the pandemic, we can't have people sliding back into poverty because when Australians fall on hard time, times, we should help them get back on their feet. Well, whoever that won't, but let's elect him as Prime Minister.

That, we want people who have that. Is that Adam Banned, is it? No, that was 2020 Anthony Albanesey. That was that, wait a minute. So it's, so he said that before the election. So it's almost an election promise to. Yes, it's, and there's a meme. He's even posted a little meme where Labor says $40 a day isn't enough to live on.

The Liberals, question mark, question mark. It's signed a permanently increased job seeker, authorized by Anthony Albanyese, A.O.B. That is not true. That's a thing. The 24th of July, Jim Chalmers, Jim Chalmers, the treasurer. Yes. The person who literally is in charge of the next budget.

Yep, that's $1 trillion of debt, but millions of Australians left behind, including $928,000 people aged over 35 on unemployment benefits, deliberately excluded from hiring subsidies, one trillion dollars of debt, a track record of no delivery, no plan for the future. Is he talking about the Albanese government? Or is you talking about the Morrison government? That's projection. Like, that's him just talking about.

plans. That's Charmer's 2020. I have no plans for Australia. He's very upset that there's no plan to lift the permanent rate of jobsecker from $40 a day. Whereas to be fair, this government has a plan not to.

There's a difference between no plan to lift it. Yes. As opposed to a plan not to. So it's sort of semantics, really, isn't it? Yes, very much so. Or it's not not semantics. See, there's a difference between being semantics and not being semantics.

Yeah. That's right. Charles, do you remember when the Labor government got elected? And we were sort of saying, you know, this new government's come in. They promised to do a lot of things about a lot of things. Yes. Will there be any scope for satire under the new regime? That was the thing people were asking.

I feel we had confidence even then. Yes. Oh, we did have confidence. But what I didn't anticipate, and look, I'm probably to blame for this, is I don't think I anticipated the crushing depression that you would suffer, having obliterated all hope. Like when it was under Morrison, you always had the hope. Well, things can be better because we can get rid of this.

You railed against Morrison, didn't you? I remember you railed very hard and you just thought he was terrible and get rid of him and things will improve. But now it's like there is no hope. Would you rather, Charles, have a prime minister who you very much disagree with and disliked and really hated to be honest. Like you hated Morrison and who really let you down? Or would you rather have someone you personally know, have known for many, you mean. many years, who's now Prime Minister and is letting you down not perhaps as much, but from what you thought you were going to get.

Is it someone you admire letting you down less or someone you hate letting you down more, which Well, the good thing is that I don't really have to choose, because Alba is quickly becoming the sort of person who I viscerally hate in the same way that I hated Morrison. But Charles, Charles, he said, he'd come from council housing. Directly from council housing to Kyle Sandelands' birthday, apparently. God, yeah, he's just an Aussie battler done good. I mean, the thing you need to understand is that he knows what it's like to grow up broke. He knows what it's like to be living in poverty.

A lot of other pronices haven't known that. Like, how was Malcolm Turnbull supposed to relate to the poor when he'd never really been, you know, struggling for a crust? Whereas Albanyese, he understands the pain these people are feeling when he chooses to do nothing about it. He's been there. That actually makes him morally more culpable, isn't it? Some may say. Others might be like, well, you know, he's... If he got out of it, why can't they?

Why can't those people just get elected prime minister and get two? I mean, he could, he could, couldn't he, Charles? He could give one of his free houses for public housing. He could say, well, I'm not in the lodge. You can go and live there, fill it up with people who need a house. But he doesn't. Charles, you're a bit down. I know I can see it in your eyes.

I am. You're sad. Yes. Just wait for the second term. It'll be better in the second term. Oh, yes. No, because that's his strategy, isn't it? Yeah.

Have a really shit first term and then turn everything. around in the second? Oh, okay. Yeah, no, I'm back on board. That's right. And then, and then just in the unlikely event, that doesn't work out. Yeah. The third term is the charm. Oh, that's what they say. That's what they say. Yeah, it's the charm. Charles, everyone knows third term. Love it. It's where the, it's where the gold comes in. Albo, 2029. I'm aboard. Or perhaps 32. Our gears from Roeb, we're part of the iconic class network. Catch you next time.