The Chaser Report - The Mid Election Quiz | John Delmenico

Episode Date: April 8, 2025

Charles Firth is joined by Chaser editor John Delmenico, who so far has been following the election campaign closer than the candidates themselves. John prepares a mind-bending quiz for Charles, who we're sure is only pretending to get so many answers wrong. See A Rational Fear LIVE:https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/browse-shows/a-rational-fear/Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enGive us money:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles, although without Dom. So, welcome to the Chase Report with Dom, no, with Charles and John. Hello. John Delmenico is joining us. Yeah, not Dom or Charles. Yeah, with neither.

Yeah, it's welcome to the Chase Report. No, not neither. Oh, no. There's one of the two. You are here still. Should we just, let's just pretend that this has never happened. I feel like I'm Peter Dutton on the election hustings. Can we just start again?

Can we just sort of? Yeah, there was no work from home without soon. That was a lot. It didn't happen. Yeah, nuclear. Who said anything about nuclear? Who said anything about Dom? I don't even know who Dom is.

What are you talking about? I can't wait for every headline to say the Chase Report backflips on existence of Dom. Welcome to the Chase Report with Charles and John. Hello, listeners. And John, editor of The Chaser, how have you been enjoying? Do the jokes just write themselves? I mean, kind of. The only problem is Australian elections are boring.

Yes. Like, there's funny moments, but when you look at, like, the UK or America, there's just so much more to do that because their politicians seem to be people. Yes. But we're still having some good moments. Do you have some sort of clockwork orange style set up to force yourself to actually watch Sky News and stuff? No, I saw that there's reports

there's going to be four debates this year. Why? Why? One for each major network. What's the fourth major network? So there's Sky News is first this week, then ABC, and then according to reports,

the Liberal Party of Labor are debating whether they're going to do Channel 9 and Channel 7 as well. Port, SPS and Channel 10. So is Sky News now more important than Channel 10? What a come there? Well, Sky News is obviously the most. important because that's where they're going first. Yeah, right. Wow. And also, according to reports,

Karl Stefanovic is the person the Liberal Party has suggested to do the Channel 9 debate. Right. It sounds like they might actually have a worse idea than Sky News. It'd be like, now, just before we get, we don't really want to talk about policy. Can we just talk about your feelings? And what I want to know about is who he likes dogs. Which one of you had the better breakfast? Yeah. Who's got a... more loving partner. Well, I thought it could be fun if we just check how much knowledge you have of the election by going through a quiz of some of the highlights from the first week, right after these messages.

Right out. Now, John, I'll just warn you here. Yeah. You know, like, I may not have been paying attention to this election per se, but I have covered elections. I've been in the national tell. In fact, for many elections, I was the correspondent in the tally room. I know how these things work. I'm going to ace this quiz.

I thought you were going to say you've been paying attention to the Canadian election, which is on the exact same day as our one. Oh, is there an Australian election as well? Sorry, I thought we were doing the Canadian elections. So Australia's having one as well. Yeah, unlike Canada where their leader decided that the way to gain back votes to be fighting Trump and out of nowhere, their election became interesting. Australia is also having one.

We're just not fighting Trump. So it's just less, it's been way less interesting. Right, okay. So they're just, it's all, it's just like the Canadian elections without any of the drama. Yeah. Yeah. Well, there has been some drama. So to start us up, I've got a simple question for you.

Yeah. There's been a poll that the media has called shocking about Peter Dunden. What was the result that has shocked the media? Oh, it'll be something about, what is it? God, I don't know. It'll either be nobody likes it. No, that's not shocking. It'll be.

Well, here's the thing. It's shocking to the media specifically. Not to everyone, just according to the media, it's shocking. It's just shocking to the... So it's what? That he's slightly unpopular amongst everyone because he's a creed. Yeah, that and he's very unpopular with women. Oh, he's unpopular with women.

No, but that's not shocking. That's like obvious. It's like the first thing you think when you think Peter Dutton. I was literally going to say... Can we go back? I was going to say that. I was going to say that he's unpopular amongst women and like self-censored. That's why I said.

It's like the only... media by shopping because you said that it's not but I've actually got some of the words here do you want to guess what the focus groups have called Peter Dutton just like some of the adjectives well surely Voldemort it's got to be one although he'll be able to sue you if you said it yeah

he looks too much like Voldemort was one of the responses yeah fair enough what else he he's a bit of a dallard is a I think that's too fancy a word for focus group okay untrustworthy? I don't know what

what a focus group say I've got the list here apparently he's extreme creepy like he said agro charmless too trumpy looks better with glasses on and a wanker

a wanker I wouldn't have picked wanker is that the out of suburban focus groups you've just got yeah if you're the done campaign at least you can grab onto he looks less like a monster I want he's wearing glasses. Yeah, yeah.

Well, look, this is, look, I'll lay my cards on the table. I once did phone polling back in the day for a completely independent organization, which happened to be in the same building as the ALP. But it was completely independent. This is back in the 1990s. And when I was still at uni. And one of the, so we had to ask, I don't know whether you remember, New South Wales Premier Bob Carr, who later became the foreign minister, I think.

in Australia. Bob, the guy that got the chaser in terms of count band. Yeah, he, yeah, exactly. He was running, he was at the Premier at the time, and we had to ask, unprompted, what do you think of when you think of Bob Carr? And the number one response, unprompted, was Weasel. And so I was just a phone poster,

but the person who had to collate all the information and then had to go and directly tell Bob Carr that people thought he'd look like a weasel. And that's when they invented nerdy Bob Carr. That's when they put glasses on him because they thought, oh, well, weasels don't wear glasses? I don't know. Anyway.

But the thing is, that's a thing. And the really interesting thing was, normally my boss would have had a few other people in that meeting to sort of back her up. But instead, all the other people weren't available for that many. So it turns like the most embarrassing meeting in the world And it was just fucking one-on-one All the men suddenly went

Oh, I've got a lunch at that, though, sorry Well, speaking of embarrassing Viral footage showed Anthony Albanese falling off a stage What did he say after it? Oh, he probably said something He would have had a quip, surely It would have been like, you know, The women are falling for me

And I'm falling for Australia Or something like that It'll be No, it would have been on message though Would it be like Oh, it'll be something like I'm falling just like interest rates Or I'm falling just like

The inflation rate That we've now got under control It'll be something a bit daggy It's almost the opposite of that Because he denied that he fell Oh So he's just like He's just straight up denied that it happened

Oh, so he went to sort of Trump, Dutton's path Of just deny the reality That's a very Yeah, he said his legs Went off the stage But that he didn't fall off the stage.

But it was widely... I mean, I didn't actually see the video, but... Yeah, he falls off the stage. He was reported as falling off a stage. That's very... He was like, he was trying to walk behind someone, but he didn't look at how much stage there was, that person was at the back of stage,

so he just completely walked off the stage and fell down. So you're saying Anthony Avenese has lied. Yeah, it's extraordinary. It's also just like a weird... Politician. Out of any time to lie out of an election, as shocking as a politician lying would be. Yes.

It's the weirdest possible one to go with. But maybe there's a sort of genius to it because it's like proper like gaslighting where you deny even the obvious and it disorientes everyone. And then suddenly night becomes day and labor becomes interesting and elbow becomes good looking and everything is just topsy-turvy and you don't really know what's happening. Well, speaking of viral footage, Dutton made a cameraman bleed by hitting him in the head with a ball. Oh, yes, yes, that was fun. What did he say after he hit the guy?

Did he say, I didn't hit the guy? No, opposite again. He said got him. Oh, really? Oh, wow. He said got him and then applauded himself. That was his Queensland cop instincts coming back to him. Yeah.

Was there any sort of racial aspect to the cameraman? There are reports that the caravan is Muslim. Oh, really? Oh, this is the election for Dutton. I'm calling it now. Now, if that turns out to be true, bash a Muslim, come on. He understands his electric down to it. What do you think Howard kept on winning every election?

Plus, going after the media, quite popular right now. Yeah, exactly. But sticking with Dutton and going after things, he has suggested cutting public school funding to stop wokeness. But then he got asked what does wokeness mean and he could not define it. Ah, which is very ironic, yes, because... Are there any places that people could go to learn things like the definitions of words? So you need, what you need to do is increase the funding of education to be able to define

wokeness, to then be able to cut to anywetness. Yes, I can see that is very ironic. He also suggested ABC funding as well, while also denying that he has suggested ABC funding. He just wants to change the rules for how ABC funding works, but has refused to talk to the CEO of the ABC about the changes. Well, that's fair enough, though, because the CEO of the managing director of the ABC changes every four or five minutes. So there's no point in talking to this week's managing director. Yeah.

But onto a weird story that has just come out. Yeah. The Liberty has been going really hard saying they've modernised with Napa Baby Amelia Harmer running in Kuyong because she's a renter. What has come out about her today? Oh, that she owns 50 billion investment properties? Close. She owns two. Oh, okay.

It's the same, morally it's the same, John. Morally, it's the same. In a housing crisis, if you own more than one property in a housing crisis, it's as morally the same as owning them all. Also, renter, landlord, easily confusable. Yeah, yeah, because when she talks about rental rights, she's talking about the rights for landlords. Yeah.

And also is very teal electorate to forget that you're a landlord who has two investor properties. Well, yeah, I'm trying to remember. It didn't, was it Bridger McKenzie who forgot that Geo? Was that, who was the one who forgot that they owned a property? And then it was like, oh, yeah, yeah. And they'd. Oh, a leger spender. That was a leger spender.

Another teal. Yes, right. So that's just their classic. That's their gap. That's just the electorate you're going for. They leave houses lying around and, forget about them. I love it. Yeah, the everybody saw Allegra doing that and told their

Kiyong candidate to the same thing. That's how you win that seat back. The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. Speaking of the teals, Nicole Bowell, a new teal candidate, has gotten in trouble and banned from a hair salon. Why?

Oh, because she did a very funny joke. I heard the joke. It was like, she said, oh, that was better than sex. And I didn't even have to pay for it. it or something. Oh, wait a minute, but she did pay for it. No, no, she said that it was amazing. I didn't have to sleep with you. Oh, oh, I thought

Oh, and I didn't have to sleep with you. Yeah, the joke wasn't as funny as some people have said it. So he's like, yeah, that's why it was awkward, because it wasn't a funny sex joke. It was just a weird sex joke. And totally would have led her to be, so, yeah, I see now. Also, it was to a 19-year-old hairdresser. Oh, ooh.

The good news for her is, if it doesn't work out for the teals, That is some liberal party front bench material. Yes, that's true, yes. She could lead the National Party by the end of the month. It is the sort of that maybe Barnaby slipped over the line. He said, I'm not going to use this. I've been, I'm not allowed to go to my electorate this year, so you can have it. I assume Barnaby saw the quote and prepared an apology as she said it.

Very nice. Speaking of people we all wish we could forget, Tim Wilson was back in the news this week. The former MP. Yeah, because he's running against Manick Ryan, isn't he? No, not Manic Ryan, because Minique Ryan's against Amelia's against Emily Harmon. I think he's against Zoe Daniel or something.

He's against one of the... And he has no chance, surely, does he? Yeah. Yeah, he's completely out of it. And so what is it? Is it sort of like a Cindy Lauper, you know, final tour thing where it's like her fifth final tour and you're going,

okay, mate. He's the only one who lost the Teals, who has been convinced a lot of, three years they can come back because there was that story a couple years ago where he went to an Anzac Day parade without being invited yeah and just pushed himself the front and and laid the reep he insisted on laying the reef even though he'd been he was no longer the local member yeah but why is he in the news this week oh um it has like to do the photo op oh did he oh this is going to be embarrassing isn't it this is going to be he's going

of did he insist on getting a photo op and oh i don't know you tell me i don't know well i think where your mind was going was again going to be the opposite of what happened because instead of getting photos with the constituents it turned out the tradie that he had done photo ops with was just his campaign staff uh dressed up like a trady that is great ah and is that because they didn't know any working class people is it it's true why didn't they just uh why didn't they just ring up a trady and I, oh no, because they would have been six hours late to the photo op. Or just gotten anyone who isn't directly on his payroll. I can bear the photo up between 8 a.m. and 4 p.m.

Of Oregon, that's fair enough. They probably did hire a trady, and then he never turned up. Yeah, I think that's completely fair enough. So questions have been sent to Tim Wilson's office, and he said it's a question for the Liberal Party HQ, so he'll not be responding. Right. Questions were sent to the staffer,

and that staff are also said to send to the Liberal Party HQ, and the Liberal Party HQ, a week in, still has not responded to any of the journalist questions about it. Well, I like the approach of leaving a wound to Fester. I think that's, instead of blanching it in moving on, just let it stew. Yeah. And now let's move on to the most exciting people in the election,

the Australia Electoral Commission. Oh, yeah. Why are they annoyed at both the Liberal Party and the Labour Party? Is it because they've been impersonate? You know how in the last few elections, everyone impersonates the AEC all the time. I bet you it's something to do with that. Because the AEC had this stupid ruling a couple of elections ago where it was like, oh no, you're allowed to use purple.

And as long as it doesn't look confusing. And it's like, it definitely is confusing. You should just fucking have more self-respect as an agency and say anyone who comes even close should just get fucking, like, thrown in jail. Is there, am I on the right track? So there is a purple controversy, but it's not the one I was referring to. The purple controversy has been that purple has, it's with some reason the colour that Tanya Plybosex campaign is going with.

She always is purple. Yeah, but she's on it again, and it's the exact same purple as the AEC purple. But she's always been, she's been purple for years. Yeah, that's all, yeah, that's why I didn't make it the answer to the question. I'm in her electorate. I got, I got the world's boring fire from her yesterday. The answer is, there is impersonation allegations, because both major parties have started texting people and putting flyers out, telling them, like,

as things pertaining to the AEC, offering the chance to sign up to do postal voting, but it's actually the parties themselves. So you're signing up to their mailing lists. Oh. Oh, that's terrible. And then they're sending the information off. And in response to getting called out for that, I've seen, because they got called out for it, and there's only just enough time for them to change the branding.

Labor is still going with it, but they're just putting, like, they've made it more obvious says Labor branded and they're putting the stuff like the politician's spaces on it but it still breaks the same rules oh so are you saying it breaks rules or is it bending well like it's still it's either breaking or bending because the AEC said they're going to look into it but like the rule that because they didn't know neither party branded it as AEC because they're branded as official ways to sign up and it's not an official way to sign up oh right yeah that's bad because the thing is they always parties always send you pre-postal thing which goes via the party so they can copy your details down but

Yeah, that's what the AEC is annoyed at. Like, I think they push it a little bit too far this year. Yeah, right, okay. Same sweet. I think also the fact that they're turning out texts is what's annoying the AEC, because people are just assuming that these automated texts are coming from the AEC. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. And there was one other, there's been one other AAC.

So, there was the first proper AEC investigation of the election last week. Do you know who it was investigating? It'll be definitely someone to do with the trumpet of Patriots or something. It'll be some weird, obscure... It was Abby Chatfield. Oh, oh, yes, I did see that. That was... Yes, because, of course,

if you actually express an opinion in this election, you've got to be on Sky News to do that. Otherwise, it's an election material and it's biased. So unless you're expressing wholehearted support for Peter Dutton and his policies, everything else, according to the AC, counts as election comment. Well, part of it was that Jane Hume in the Senate said that she was being paid off secretly by Labor and the Greens, which was completely made up by Jane Hume. Right. And so are they investigating Jane Hume for making that up? No, because obviously, instead of estimates, you have the...

Oh, you got parliamentary privilege? You have parliamentary privilege. Oh, okay. Right. So they just, so she just blatantly lied about Abbey Chalkfield, and the AEC was like, well, now we have to investigate because that would be highly criminal. Right. So, and then, so they... So Abby Chapfield gets the stench of an official investigation because the AAC is so guileless that they can't distinguish between obviously fake news and... Well, what was weird about the investigation as well is the AAC launched the investigation one night

and it was on the front pages of every news outlet, like websites, or when like Abby Chatfield was broken the rules. The next morning, the AC was like, oh, she didn't break the rules. So it was like fully in AAC just doing it to get Jamie and machine. shut up. But then even after they had announced that she hadn't broken any rules, because all that do is prove that she wasn't getting paid off. Yeah. They were still like... It was too late. Because that's the thing. Because I was talking to a politician about a year ago, and I was complaining. It was like the roads minister or something like that, like they're at a party and I went up to them. And I complained. I said, you know, why is that lying now, you know,

it was near my house. The roads yielding to change. It was this huge thing. Anyway, and they went, no, no, no, it's totally changed, but they said nobody ever reports good news. So you only get the complaint, and then it just disappears. And that's exactly what, and I had no idea that actually the vote in my house was completely fine now. But, and it sounds like that has happened with, so that's perfect for, like, that's, that's the Jane Hume trick, is to just say something under parliamentary privilege, get it reported and then it doesn't matter. Yeah. And then the final question I've got for you, why was a Liberal Party candidate disendorsed yesterday? Oh, now, I do know this one.

This one was because they had been a United Australia Party member. And on a podcast a few months ago, they'd said something about how you could fix the military with one fell swoop, which is to just get rid of women. Just get rid of the women. And I assume they mean women in the military, not just get rid of all women. But maybe, I don't know, like, I heard a grab from it, and it's like, maybe he means all women. Again, really shocking. Using the military. Well, I mean, Scott Morrison famously didn't shoot women.

Yes, yes. This is just a counterbalance to make sure they're not the Skromo Party anymore. Yeah, that's right. Yes, exactly. So, again, real shocking poll, the Little Party is struggling with women. No, no, but that is actually in line, because if you take women out of the military, then they won't get shot. So that's very Scott Morrison, isn't it? Yeah, that's a good point.

Plus, I mean, who'd want to be in the military right now with Orcas and Trump? It reminds you of that time Tony Abbott a couple years ago said at a international business conference that the biggest issue facing businesses today is that women want to be in the workforce. And then he went to the UK and was shocked that he was being called sexist on TV. See, this is the thing. Like, okay, so unprompted Peter Dutton gets called a creep, right? But we've had a creep prime minister before. Like Tony Abbott was really creepy, wasn't he?

So I don't think it's all over. I don't, like everyone's going, oh, Alvo's Ascendant, as long as he doesn't stuff up and fall off any more stages, he'll be fine. But I don't know, like, I'm just seeing. Doesn't you just make himself minister for women? Yeah, exactly. Like, if it, like, you can, you can, you don't have to be very good at anything to get elected prime minister in this country.

Like being a creepy, being a weasel, being, what was the unprompted term? Voldemort. Yeah, and a wanker. And a wanker. I think that that's, I think that's... Like that still puts you in the top 50% of Australian prime ministers. Yeah, exactly. Probably top 10%.

Okay, well, John, thank you very much. Now, we should have done this at the top of the podcast when people were still listening. But what are you doing? Yes, Wednesday night on the Mold House Theatre in Melbourne. bit at 6.25 p.m. I'm doing the Irrational Fear live show for the election special. That will be very good. And it's got an all-star cast as well as an unannounced guest, which is you. Well, the unannounced guest has been announced. Oh, yeah. Belinda Greed, the drag performer. Oh, lovely. Oh, fantastic. She's brilliant.

Yeah. If you don't know Belinda, the entire premise is that Belinda Greed is running for the liberal party. So that's great. Oh, that's going to be very good. And who else is going to be there? Danny Lee. Tom Ballard. Alice Fraser. Oh, lovely. Video Rajan.

Yep. Lewis Hobber. Yep. Melissa McClensie. Yep. Dan Ellich and DJ Andy McLennan. And you? Yeah.

And me. Yeah. Most importantly. And John Del Meniker. Yeah. That's the draw card. Yeah. So, and how do you get tickets?

The Mult-house Theatre website. Yeah. Or just Google Rational Theater Melbourne. Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll see you down there. I'll pop along after our show, which ends at 6.30.

So I'll be a bit late. So hopefully I'll miss yours. It's okay. I'm like the second last performer. Oh, perfect. Well, I will see you. That's lovely. And we should catch up for a beer afterwards.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, lovely. Okay, well, there you go. We are from the Iconiclass Network, and we will catch you tomorrow.