The Chaser Report - The Musk Wing

Episode Date: February 5, 2025

Elon Musk has arrived in the White House with a full entourage of 20-year-old fanboys, and lo and behold, Charles has a theory about what will happen next.Watch OPTICS on ABC iview here:https://iview.abc.net.au/show/opticsCheck out more Chaser headlines here:https://www.instagram.com/chaserwar/?hl=enFind hot singles in your area:https://chaser.com.au/support/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, we better record this episode very quickly. Elon Musk's teenagers are in our system. They've got access. It is read-only access at the moment, Charles. But any minute they will get into our payment systems and they'll be able to block the trillion dollars worth of payments to the Chaser processes every year.

Yes, and I like the fact that all his engineers that he's taking with him around the federal government are in their 20s and indeed, yeah, there's a 19-year-old on his team. Yeah, he's also apparently been moving beds into various government departments. I'm not sure if that's so they can work around the clock or so he can keep up with his schedule of impregnations. Because as we know, he likes to do dozens of those a year. So whatever it is, he's on the job in one sense or another.

But I have a prediction that I'd like to share it. about Elon Musk. Okay, Lachlan, can you insert some kind of... I hope ironic drum roll or something. Well, obviously, this is where we're going to do the ads. Here they are. So, my prediction is that... Well, so first of all, I'll just give us some...

Give us some preamble. Let's not blow our loads this early. What are we? On the doge, time table or something? We've got to get it all done so fast. So I actually think, you know, mass. is a useful fool for Trump at the moment. Like, Trump's out there doing his tariff dance thing.

And that is a useful distraction, right? Like, he's sort of getting concessions out of every country that he threatens with tariffs. So, sorry, who's the useful fool? Is it Donald Trump doing his tariff dance or is it ill on the cutting? It's so hard to know. Musk is the useful fool, right? Because Musk is then going in and doing all the deeply unpopular things, like sacking all the government employees.

Shutting down USA. the leading provider of health assistance in developing countries around the world. Yes, and I was just talking to an expert on USAID, and he said that USAID is by far the largest player in the foreign aid space across the entire globe. Yeah, we need to also just briefly credit because the chaser in the past may have made some jokes about George W. Bush, the former president, his tendency to massively stuff up every time he opened his mouth.

His HIV vaccine program has apparently saved many millions. of lives. Yes, I heard one person say it was 25 million lives. So there you go. Well done, George. Amazing work. Although that's now that entire department has as Elon. So gleefully put it, it's being fed to the wood chipper. Yes. And so, and what this expert was saying to me was actually what will end up happening is people will starve to death, right? Because even though eight organizations have sort of seen since November the writing on the wall, and, and started, you know, stockpiling resources and stuff like that, that will eventually run out. There is no way that the other rich countries of the world are going to step up

and essentially they'd have to sort of all triple their funding to make up for the shortfall. Or Elon Musk could, instead of dismantling this whole apparatus, give it a very small portion of his massive fortune. To feeding people, but that's not going to happen. But I think that, like, I think from their perspective, and certainly from Elon Musk's perspective, it's going to make terrific headlines if the impact of USA, it is that, you know, there's various famines around the world. I think that that appeals to his aesthetic and his sensibility. It's something that would go well on X. It kind of reminds me of when he went into

Twitter, not quite to the same degree, but do you remember when he went into Twitter and he fired all those people for cause just to make sure they didn't get any salary or benefits? Yes, yes. And they weren't been able to legally challenge what he was doing. So he's just starving people to death for cause. Well, I guess that's the thing. He's just not interested. He's described USAID as corrupt and he hates giving money to starving people. So he's doing that. There's a few other things.

He took over the HR system and tried to get everyone to essentially click a button to agree to these new employment terms as federal employees. That's right. They had to come in every day. Yeah. And then there was an email saying fork in the road where they either got six-month severance pay And that was it. They just quit.

All they had to come in and work incredibly long hours on that kind of. Exactly the same you did with Twitter. And didn't that work out well? Yes. And also, he stumped them on, like he stumped a whole lot of, there's a huge lawsuit going on with Twitter ex-employees because he said, oh, no, you'll get this long severance. And then they just didn't. So not paying creditors.

Who does that, which other billionaire in a prominent position in the US government? Does that remind you off? But the funny thing is, so he took over the email system. You've got these little 20-somethings to take over the email system to send out this thing saying click here to be on boarded in your new employment thing. But that email system wasn't integrated with the federal government's own email servers. And so all the emails that he's been sending have the word external in brackets. Yeah, yeah. And they're not secure.

Yeah. They've all been flagged as potential spam. Yes, exactly. And it's against federal government policy for people to click external links on external. emails. So he's instructing them to do something which is against the policy of the... Yeah, there's also the small matter of Congress being in charge of authorising payments, not ill on Musk, of it being illegal to fire employees who don't click on your link, all this stuff. But no, but Dom, Dom, Dom, that's old thinking, isn't it? Yes, it's old thinking. I know,

because the whole point is that Musk can do whatever he wants, even if it is illegal, because you've got to understand that he's got Trump there. And Trump, and he's doing things under the aegis of Trump's sort of power, and Trump has the power to pardon anyone. So literally, he can do whatever he likes, and there is a complete lawlessness about Elon Musk's actions, knowing, and everyone who interacts with Musk knows that even if what Musk asks you to do is completely illegal, Musk has the power to do it, because Trump will give Musk a pardon if they ever becomes a problem. But also, what does illegal even mean anymore in America in 2025? And illegal is what they called, many of Donald Trump's actions

according to the Department of Justice. All those prosecutors have now been sacked. Yes. And I'm pretty sure, you know, is it Cash Patel, the new head of the FBI? There's talk of him going through and, you know, just investigating people who, I don't know, certified votes for Joe Biden in 2020, things like that. So illegal, you know, storming the Capitol on January 6th, 2020. That was supposedly illegal.

Yes. But they're all out now with pardons. So illegal, that's an out-of-date concept. That said, here is my prediction. Oh, let's have more ads. Come on, talk about drawing it out. This is like Australian Idol or something. The Chaser report, less news, less often.

So I predict that in four years' time, Elon Musk will be in jail. Really? Yes. Oh, I think I might know where you're going with this. So when Putin first came in in late 1999 into power in Russia, there was a sort of the first set of oligarchs who he took over with. And he sat down with them and they sort of carved up Russia, basically. And a lot of it was to do with things like, here, you take over this TV station, you know, you take over this set of factories, you take over the gas industry, you take over the oil

industry, right? There was a bit of a carve up. And the whole deal was Putin went, as long as you can, you know, give me my 20%, 30%, 50%, whatever the number was, everyone would be chummy and fine. Give me a sweet taste of that massive government-owned gas producer that I'm just giving you for free. And this was useful to Putin for a few years, right, because it looked like he was doing a huge reorganisation of the economy. Like things were actually changing and these oligarchs who were all essentially people who had stolen stuff during the 1990s and were very effective operators. went around and did his bidding for him, right? And they're all motivated to do it because Putin was getting his cut. And then in about 2002, 2003, the wheels started falling off.

And some of the oligarchs started getting a bit lippy with Putin. Oh, they started thinking they were bigger than the big dog, didn't they? Or just that they had a sort of an actual, that their opinions mattered and a bit of a say at the table. And they wanted to be in, I don't know, meetings and the sort of stuff that Elon Musk's been asking for He wanted an office in the West Wing and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, and so what started happening was these incredible tax scandals started happening amongst the oligarchs where it was discovered that, oh my God, there's fraud in your company. Terrible thing.

You're going to have to go to jail for 20 years. Corruption. And that's in many cases, Charles. And this is where I slightly disagree with your prediction because you're forgetting one thing. What? Well, in Russia about this time, the windows suddenly start. started getting very dangerous, you remember? Gravity started impacting on all these oligarchs.

They suddenly fell out of windows, their planes went down. I like your optimism that Elon Musk will be around. Right. Because windows, I mean, windows are as dangerous in America as they are in Russia, aren't they? Yeah. Look, look, that's an interesting perspective. I hadn't actually thought about the windows in the West Wing. The problem is the White House is actually quite a flat.

It is, yeah. I'm not sure. Like, if you got thrown out of the window, the Oval Office, you just end up in the Rose Garden. Oh, you never believe what's happened. Elon Musk was attached to the outside of that SpaceX rocket. Who knew? How did that happen?

What a terrible accident. But the other thing is, and I don't know whether you've seen the pap images of this, but they're fucking incredible. Elon has his own private security team. Naturally. And what's fascinating is, so, you know, the absolutely most protected people in the world, private citizens in the world, have details of, you know,

upwards of in the 30s. Like, 35 is basically the maximum, useful amount of bodyguards. I'm sure we've actually talked about this. I don't think we have. How big is your detail now that optics is becoming popular? Oh, look, I only need a dozen or so. Yeah, yeah. That's what all these other people in the studio.

I might not. Oh, that way. Yeah, I thought they just wanting your autograph. So Bill Gates, who, you know, has a whole lot of antivaxes wanting to kill him, has, I think, about 35. I think Taylor Swift might be on about 30 or 35 as well. So that's the sort of peak level of thing. I mean, many of them are there to protect her from Elon.

But the point is that once you reach about 15 or 20, you know, security guards, you're pretty fucking safe, right? I would have, you know, like, and there's sort of the Jeff Bezos's and stuff like that have a smaller team, but they're really elite operators. But Elon Musk's team is 26 people, right? And just in the last year or so, people have noticed that it started getting a lot more serious, right? So whereas before he sort of would wander around on the tarmac, you know, as he's getting on his jet and, you know, or... High five crypto bros and stuff. Yeah, or, you know, just jump in his car and go off. Now there's that sort of...

And it's worth actually checking out the videos online. There's this sort of team of people who go ahead of him and then... rotate around him as he moves in public spaces. So there's a sort of constant sort of thing. And you can see he walks with, whenever he's in public and being photographed, he walks with purpose to wherever he's heading rather than, you know, mingles around and stuff like that. Like there is a real professionalism to that. So I'm not sure how plausible it is that Trump would be able to get to,

or even the Secret Service, would be able to get to. get to mask. Yeah, I'm just saying, I don't think, like, I think his detail would be checking the windows. Yeah, I'm just looking at this article for the New York Times. They've got this big article about his huge security apparatus. And, yeah, someone was planning to essentially blow up one of the cyber truck events in Texas last. I mean, the main danger for it. Don't they blow up themselves? Well, the main danger of the cyber truck is actually just hitting a pedestrian. It's got no crumple zones. Or wildlife, that's it.

But no. So, yeah, this is a real thing. So you're saying Elon's essentially bulletproof. Well, surely if what's said about his sort of ketamine and dietary habits and just surely his lifestyle or get to him before I knew that, no? No. No, modern me, it's like. He's got all that, all the oligarch, they're all scraping the stem cells of babies

and things like that. Why he has so many children? Yeah. But, you know, yeah, they're all going to, this is the problem, right? Like all the really rich people, they're going to live well into their 90s. I mean, Jeff Bezos would be in his 60s by now. Doesn't look it. He looks like a newborn baby.

Yes, he doesn't. He doesn't even have any hair. You say that, Charles, but the head of the Wagner group thought he was pretty well. I mean, the guy had a mercenary army, didn't he? Huge mercenary army. So who is whose useful idiot, though? Because... So you're saying it's President Musk and Trump's the useful idea.

Or maybe it's Vladimir Putin who at Orchidu. Who knows? You can cut the conspiracy theories any way you want. Maybe Jeff Bezos is mastermining the whole thing. I don't know. It could be any of them. Nevertheless, I think they're into our system now. So I've just always wanted to say how much I respect Elon Musk.

I love Doge. I love Doge coin. I think SpaceX is amazing. And why aren't we connected via Starlink right now? Well, I think we will. I think we'll grab a Starlink. And let's hope Elon comes out to Australia after the next election. gets into our systems.

I mean, he could fix. Surely he could get a fast train built, couldn't he? He could. He could. He would. Yes. It's good at tunneling, actually. He's got the boring company.

We need Elon to build the fast train here in Australia. And I feel like the boring company is something that Peter Dutton would really get on board with as well. I think our boat, too, that really endorsed the boring company. Maybe that's a form of bipartisan consensus. Well, there you go. Charles's theory, Elon Musk will be in jail by the end of the. Trump term?

Yeah, so I don't know if anyone wants to sort of make it interesting and bet me. Do you want to bet me money on that? I bet you that he's already got a secret pardon. I reckon he wouldn't have walked into those buildings without a pardon already. So yours predicting he's dead. Well, I don't know. All I'm saying is, if you want to go with the Russian precedent, gravity is a pain, isn't it?

Yeah, it is. We are part of the iconocles network. Watch out for windows. They've got an inference. I thought my security deal would be good or not.