The Chaser Report - The Naked Struth

Episode Date: September 17, 2024

Dom and Andrew get excited for the upcoming Spencer Tunick nude photoshoot in Brisbane. Meanwhile, Charles is sick so Dom spills some hot gossip from their days in high school together. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. Dom here with Andrew. Charles has some sort of cold, given the state of his face. And if you haven't seen that episode of The Chaser Report, please go to the one from Monday and look at the image of Charles. He's hideous, Andrew.

Hidious. His soul is finally writ large on his disgusting face. Yeah, yeah. Well, he's always been rather hideous. I mean, I sort of thought it was quite good. because the tumours sort of hid the rest, which I thought was kind of an improvement, really. But I hope you're doing well, Charles, wherever you may be, recovering.

I don't, I don't hope that he's doing well. I'm just looking at the, yeah, the podcast feed on Apple Podcasts, and every episode just has text except for this one episode on Monday, Clive Palmer v. Australia that has Charles's hideous face. No, and the reason why I don't feel bad about this, I'll talk about it a moment. I've got a beef that I might bring up. But also, amazing news from Brisbane, Andrew,

where people are getting nude in the services of art. Well, they certainly are. Finally, Spencer Tunic has turned his nude obsession, his obsession with getting large numbers of nude people in one place. He's decided to turn to Brissy this time. The story bridge is getting the Spencer Tunic, nudie on mass treatment. Congratulations, Brisbane. You might be hosting the Olympics, but now you've really made it if Spencer Tunic is turning up. We'll talk about these two things.

And I've got another surprise nude story for you, Andrew, after this. Ooh, I like a surprise nude. Not this one. All right, so just before we go any further, I have to ventilate my grudge against Charles. So Charles, as you know, from a very early age, has been a bit of a showman, a bit of an entrepreneur. In our school, he managed to convince the AV department who no one ever talked to. What they needed to do was put on a television program at lunchtime hosted by him that was broadcast on all the internal closed circuit productions.

It was actually quite amazing. It was done in one of the little theatrettes and it was full of a very enthusiastic crowd, excited to see Charles' show. And he put on the show. It's just one way of getting a TV show up in Australia, I think, is to go to a school that makes its own TV shows and pitch one to the teacher.

That's probably your best hope, I think. But it was honestly, people thought it was going to be funny and it was certainly, it was in that very Charles High Concept way that he likes. But there was some, I can't even remember the context of it now, but there was some joke whereby I was being invited onto a panel discussion. And the pitch was that I'd been told it was for very good-looking men. And the joke was, I can't remember the details of it, but the joke was that actually, no, this other guy who was very handsome, admittedly,

was the really good-looking man at our all-boys school. And I was the ugliest man in the world. And so that was broadcast on all the televisions across the school and in the theatre that I was the ugliest man in the world. And I now understand my long-term self-esteem problem. So thank you for that, Charles. Oh, that was just the joke. The joke was that I was ugly.

And the one thing that in, you know, that redeemed it was that Charles as a teenager. I mean, the photo of him in our podcast feed was not that different from the spotty adolescent Charles. I don't know whether you saw Charles in his full pimplyness, but oh my God, the man was a sea of kind of oil rigs. He could have mined oil off of his paws. They say people, there's no oil painting, but it sounds like he literally was. He was. He was. He was. He used. He did.

Anyway. So it's very cruel. You know, you should always be nice to your guests on a panel show, I think. If you're going to bring the ugliest man on as a guest, you should at least tell them in advance that that's how they're going to be strapped. I think I knew what the joke was going to be. And I think I was just so keen to be part of Charles's fun, as has been a long-term problem of mine, that I said yes,

as I often have, including to the Chaser, 24. but you're still doing it. You're still being brought on as the world's obvious man, Dommy, even on his podcasts to this very day. When will you learn? When will you learn? You've got to say no to Charles. Didn't get on the TV series.

So anyway, that's another issue. Anyway, we get to, well, maybe what I need to do, Andrew, to restore my self-esteem and my view of my attractiveness is to be part of this event in Brisbane. What's going on? Oh, well, you know, they are gathering. This is the thing about nudie events I find, is that they never seem to attract the most

stunning folks, I think. I mean, this may sound unkind of me, but you look at those huge nude things, and you know, I don't know that we're getting the top 10% turning up to those things. I mean, you know, are we I don't know. Well, they're busy. The top 10% are busy.

I'm busy modley. I'm busy. If you get down to my level, then you're struggling. But it's not about the individual nudes, is it? It's about having this sea of bottomers. A seething morass. That's right. So he first came to Australia, but he's basically had one idea. And it's an idea that every university review had back in the day, which is people

getting nude on mass. And every NRL team, really. That's right. So we'll get to a story like that soon, as I promised. So apparently Chinik's first thing in Australia was in 2001, where there was nudity in Federation Square. There was four and a half thousand people in Fed Square, which I suppose covered the architecture, which would have been fabulous. Yeah, not a bad idea. Not a bad. I mean, But it already is kind of that colour. It is. It's fleshy. It's kind of a colour of skins and various shades of skin, I think.

You know, various ethnicities represented there in the Fed Square architecture. I don't think covering that place in nudes would change it very much, really. No, you know. It kind of looks like a thousand buttocks already. But also, when you go to Fed Square, you don't want to look at Fed Square. But the story bridge is another matter, isn't it? Oh, the story bridge is magnificent. But my point is, this is coming, what, 24 years after he first came to Australia.

And since then, he's actually gone. to many other places. He's been to, of course, the Sydney Opera House in 2020 to Mardi Gras, 5,000 people. And before going to Brisbane, before he bothered to go to Brisbane, Andrew, do you know where he shot in 2018? He shot on the rooftop. He was on the rooftop car park of a Woolworths in Pran, in Melbourne. That was a higher priority than Brisbane. Oh, yes, yes. I remember that. That's right. Yes, yes. I mean, I don't, oh gosh, I hope you've got a lot of everyday reward points when he did that from the Woolworths. I mean, that's a lot of. I mean, that's Yeah.

Boy, oh boy. I'd just be branding, fresh food people. Fresh nude people on that stuff. Yeah, you can't get the fresh nude people. Kind of put you off your mince, wouldn't it? I don't know that you'd want to be shopping on that particular day. Yes, and the Woolies, you know, the old Woolies code, everyone used to talk about. You put your banana in the shopping trolley.

If you're interested in somebody, I don't think you'd need it on that day. No, there was so many bananas in the trailer on the roof there. Bit of a hygiene concern. I wouldn't want to go to the supermarket and discover hundreds of naked people draped all over it, you know, while I'm trying to buy my, my, my avocados and sausages. You're meat and two veg. Yeah, no, no. You know, I don't want that going through the, through the air conditioning system.

So he did that. He did DeWitt Sundays in 2019 and then he went back to Bondo, he went to Bondo Beach and made it a nude beach in 2022. So he's finally run out of other places for his one idea. And now he hasn't, though, he's doing the story bridge. He's doing it in the story bridge. Yeah, there must be other Aussie places. There must be other Aussie places that he could do, don't you think,

Do you like to see a huge carpet of hundreds of nude people? Well, I just think the problem is that he does them in one place. I want to see there are so many protests now. Where are the nude protesters shutting down the city? That's what I want to see. And it's been every weekend for months. Just why don't have nude protests going through the city marching on parliament? Why don't we have a sort of nude flash mob in the parliament?

I think that'd be... I mean, you and I have been involved in nude chaser stunts in the past, which are... Oh, I'm afraid we have. It's very cold, yes. Why didn't we just during that incident, during that incident where I was arrested and you were nude, I don't know why I got arrested because you were nude, but I did. I was just filming.

Why didn't we say it was a Spencer Tunic artwork and get out? They would have let you off. They would have let you off immediately if we'd said it was a Spencer Tunic art way. Look, I feel, I couldn't see why you would attract attention, wouldn't you, Dommy, if you protested in the nude, but I would extend it to just any sort of procession or parade. I don't see why we can't have a nude Anzac Day March, perhaps, or a veterans parade and the nude. You're going to get cancelled for that one.

Well, you know, we want to draw attention to that. I mean, this is what Spencer Tunic's trying to do, isn't he? He's trying to make people notice. Well, they'd leave the slouch hats on, I assume. And you'd keep the medals. I imagine, wouldn't you? Well, you could hang your medals in interesting places, I think. And I would extend it just to any cue.

I mean, you know, why not just a nude cue? you're queuing up for a ticket, you know, queuing up for a bus ticket or at the little kiosk that, you know, where you charge your travel card, why doesn't everybody just queue in the nude? I'm not, when they're waiting for a coffee, and it's always a bloody coffee cue. Oh, the coffee, for sure. And what about the coffee queue? In Melbourne, the last time I was in Melbourne, Andrew, I tried to go to that croissanterie

loon, and the cues were incredibly long. If everyone had been nude, it would have been much more entertaining. Yes, a nude cue for the croissants at Loon would be fantastic. And then, you know, they could hand you a nice croissant at the end. They could. And you could sit there on one of their incredibly hard stools, you know, eating your croissant off the cold metal slab that they use as a tabletop. In the nude. Absolutely.

Why not? I think it would be really comfortable. The Sydney Metro, the brand new Sydney Metro, is crying out for nude passengers. That should have nude passengers. Yeah, you know, why not catch the train in the nude? It might be much more relaxing. You know, you could, it brings you all down to the same level as well. You know, you wouldn't have to feel self-conscious about the people who are so really well-dressed going out to impress.

Or the people who in suits who have really highly paid jobs. If we're all in the nude, we're all feeling good on the train. For the same level. I like it. What about in Kmart? I'm thinking the best way to showcase the clothes at a boutique or at a Kmart would be. if everyone was required to come in nude, I think any, even the shabbiest clothes at Kmart

would seem like a wonderful option, wouldn't they? Yeah, yeah. Oh, look, no, no, absolutely. I think this is great. I mean, you know, really anywhere that people gather in large numbers would be greatly improved, I think, with some nudity. I mean, you know, what about a concert, like a classical music concert? If the entire audience were in the nude, the orchestra as well.

Yeah, the orchestra itself. And the conductor, we're at it. have a range of bits to conduct with to keep the time. Exactly. You've got a spare baton. I think there's a lot to be said for now. I do wonder why we're ever clothed, really. This is what Spencer Tunic has made me realise,

especially now that he's branched out to the story bridge. Well, the thing is, I mean, Queensland's always been a place where people would get nude on the regular. And in a moment, Andrew, I've got a story for you about really a nudity that went horribly wrong. and I think someone who needs the Spencer Tunic artwork defence after this. The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. How could nudity go wrong? I can't imagine.

We know nudity is jolly, nudity's fun. It's acceptable, apparently, except when in the foyer of a courtroom, as we've found to great complexity. I still have to apply for a visa every time I go to the United States because we filmed a nude run in the courtroom once. That's on you. You were in the nude.

You were in the nude, Hansen out, right at the record show. No, that's true. You were clothed, is the irony of that. I was clothed and filming. Sort of. Anyway, so, but the nude run is an Australian tradition, right? I mean, it's just something that's done. It's done.

It's been done. Every Mad Monday, the footballers do it. AFL and NRL. It unites the codes. Yes, the nude run, yes. And yes, and yes, this key part of Australian culture, Andrew, has been disrespected by Italians. No.

Yes, an Australian group. Room to be over there was beaten and hospitalised by outraged locals in the Salento town of Nardog last Friday night, Andrew, after running naked through the town on his Bucks party. And it was a historic medieval centre. The disrespect shown by the, but not by him, that's disrespectful of the people who attacked him. I mean, you know, he was doing the correct thing behaviour. I mean, this is cultural, it's just a cultural practice of Australians. They need to understand.

It's an expression. We respect, you know, their Renaissance art, they're in the beautiful art in the churches and the Sistine Chapel. I think it was an Australian that actually attacked the Pieta at one point in St. Peter's Basilica, so we'll skip that. But we generally respect their culture. And apparently people were beating him welding rods. He was trying to weld a rod himself, but in a different sense.

And they were taking videos and whacking the guy. Conservative Europeans, dummy. I assume the problem was he just didn't have the fig leaf, because that's what they wanted. I mean, you know, to be dressed, you know, to dress properly as an Italian, my understanding is you need to wear one fig leaf. And I guess if he didn't have that on, maybe that was what they objected to. That could be.

He's underdressed. Where's the leaf? So maybe he needed to respect their culture rather than the other way around. And it does also, if you think of all those nudes, the nudes, Andrew, in the galleries in the Vatican and wherever else, the penises are incredibly small. And perhaps his was a normal. sized one, and it wasn't artistic enough? Oh, they'd never seen such an Australian, such a large Australian slong before, perhaps.

Maybe that was the problem. Is he all right? I hope he's okay. Is he all right? Yes, yes. He was released a short time afterwards and people were not sympathetic to his blight. So, of course. He got married to the nude, yes.

He's still, right, he's kept nude. Did he fly home? Is he back home? Is he fly home in the nude? Well, I like to think, Andrew, actually, I was thinking before, um, If you're flying on Jet Star, I think you can be within your rights to go nude. It's a bare bones airline. We may as well have bare bones.

They'd weigh less. They're very obsessed with weight on Jet Star. Yes, you would weigh less. They're weighing everything. Yes, very good idea. You're going to weigh a few kilos less, I would say. It's a fantastic idea. It's a fantastic idea.

Oh, I love it. And so this guy's, you know, he's still at it. And apparently locals have accused it of bringing upon himself. And I'm told Nardo is a popular place for parties. and the locals are worried about this because of the cheap beer and beautiful scenery. Well, what more beautiful scenery, Andrew, than the male body on a nutty run? I would say so, yeah, I would say so. They need to get on board these small town Italians with the nude run

and see that this is the way things ought to be done, ought to conduct yourself with decorum in the nude. It's an appropriate way to celebrate. How is it, Andrew, how is it fair that one Australian nude in a public place is an offensive statement and it's grace it's worthy of hitting rods. But thousands of Australians in the nude is a beautiful work of art by Spencer Chin. That's a double standard.

It's a terrible flagrant hypocrisy. I think the problem is there's no story bridge in Italy, you know. I mean the Italians must be dead jealous of the story bridge. They've got nothing as nice as that over there. And I mean, look at their, you know, dilapidated Roman bridges made of arches. You know, in Venice

they've got the bridge of size. Well, you know, that's not. It's a tiny bridge. The real bridge of size is the story bridge is massive. Exactly. It's a huge. And it's just near a fake beach as well. The streets beach.

The Italy can't boast a streets beach. No. They're fuming the jealousy. They've got the Amalfi Coast. That doesn't even have a proletional tie-in with any ice cream brand. What are they doing? Muppets. No.

Well, I just hope, look, I hope Spencer Tuner gives this guy, this poor upstanding fellow who was nude in Italy. I hope Spencer gives him a job. You know, as a member, perhaps, of the story bridge nude crowd. Definitely a member. Maybe right at the front, right at the front of the photo. Yeah, Spencer, if you're listening, or if this guy's listening, wants to come on the podcast and tell us about the experience. I think, he should actually be carted aloft, I think, by the mob.

He's a national hero. He's a bloody national hero. Writing on the shoulders for preserving an Australian tradition, the nutty run, it's self-expression, it's art, it's the vibe. Yeah, I think it's fantastic. I think it's fantastic and I'm really sorry, you know, that he came a cropper in that. I think it's, it's an assault on art. Let's face it. He's an assault on art.

And Charles, for the next episode of the podcast, we're having the hottest man in the world will be nude. That's, of course, you. Great. Get ready for that. There's a good podcast subject. Good thing to have on a podcast. More nude, more nude podcast hosts, I think we should have. Shouldn't we, Dom.

I'll do the next one in the nude. Are you willing to join me? Good is done. Very, very good. All right, well, look, I'm looking for a dispensate chunic coming out. Can't say I'll come up to Brisbane. But if it was in a more convenient city, I'd probably be there, Andrew. Yeah, absolutely.

Well, you know, who knows where he might pop up next. I mean, if he's prepared to do a woolie. Yeah. Aldi next perhaps. Yes, Aldi. He should cover them all. He should do the lot. He should do a food land.

That's fantastic. All right, our gear is from Road. We're part of the Ocona Class Network. And we'll catch you next time. Clothing Optional. Certainly will see you in the news. Dude.