The Chaser Report - The Star Spangled Disaster | Nick Bryant

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Nick Bryant joins the podcast to talk about his new book “When America Stopped Being Great” which unpacks recent US political history. Plus Aleksa takes it upon himself to find a new use for all the troops who just left Afghanistan, and Dom and Charles talk about what an amazing dad the Prime Minister is. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is sponsored by your favourite fast food chain, Red Rooster. Contrary to popular belief, we're still open, so come on down. Located right beside your local drug dealer's favourite hideout. Fine, we are the hideout. Red Rooster. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is the Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report on Wednesday, the 8th of September 2021. Today we have Charles Firth, Gatibald, and I'm Dom Nice. Hello.

And the big news this morning is it is exactly one year since Scott Morrison build that wonderful cubby house. Remember in his backyard? We're starting with this. This is the news that you're going to pick? One year anniversary today. I've got some of the photos that he posted on Instagram and Twitter. Charles, wait, you're not going to throw into anything about, I don't know, the Women's Safety Summit.

that Scott decided to headline himself. And Grace Tame, in front of the show, you know, completely criticised him. Let's get back to the big issues, which is he posted this cubby house, and it is just awesome. Like, he's got this sort of brown structure and then this green roof. It's just, I mean, it is a feat of modern engineering. Wonderful cubby house that is now a year old. What have you become, Ferdt? You're a shill. You're a shill.

You've paid us for this episode. The coal companies? I think it's really sweet. I think he's just, you know, he's a bit of a knockabout dead. The Chaser Report, now sponsored by the LNP. What's going on? You're right, Charles? Let's talk about it.

Why is it so good? Is it the fact that he actually completed a project that he has left a legacy of some kind? Tom, let's not get it twisted. Scott Morrison did not build this cubby house because if he had built this cubby house, it would just be a flaw at the moment. Well, what we don't know is when he announced the cubby house.

He probably told his kids in about 2011. Kids, I've got a cuby house on the way. Yeah, much like that. a real housing crisis. It is true that we don't know the current status of the cubby house. All the images online are from a year ago. It was probably a cubby house that Singapore built and didn't need and shipped out to us out of just mercy and pity.

Look, if anyone lives near Scott Morrison, can they just poke their head over the back fins and let us know how the cubby house is going? The thing is, it's not actually a cubby house, Charles. It's an investment property for his daughters. That cubby house is probably nicer than my actual house. I've just realised, I think it's actually a chicken coop because it's got some hay next to it. Oh.

Well, oh, wait a minute. No, no, actually, no, sorry, the cubby house is different. The cubby house is shit. The kid's really disappointed. Sorry, anyway. It's probably just a prefab thing he got from Bunnings that he just like put one screw in and went, there you go, kids, I'm buffed to Canber again.

Charles, I just think we need to aim a little bit higher in terms of talking about what's in the news. That's a year old. We shouldn't be talking about his cubby house. We should be talking about the chicken coop that he knows. Actually, Charles, I disagree. I think we need to one up his cubby house. I think by the time we get back in the office,

there should be a cubby house for the interns. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're not doing that. Why not? You'd be such a good dad if you did it. No, everyone would love you. Well, and then I can cook you a curry. Yeah, and then you can run the country. No, no, no, Gabby, Scott Morrison doesn't run the country.

That's where the analogy ends. Charles actually runs a business. Oh, yeah. Oh, true. Mind you, I'm about as good at marketing the business as he was at marketing tourism, Australia. That is true. On today's show, the wonderful journalist Nick Bryant, talking about his adventures in America, the subject of a new book,

but he's back in Australia. And Alexa has come up with some interesting ideas of where to put the US military now that they're done with Afghanistan. But first, let's go to Rebecca Dana-Muno in the Chaser Newsroom. In a desperate attempt to gain attention, the Victorian Liberal Party have made up some Matthew Guy to be party leader. The unknown character is said to be so thrown together that the team responsible for creating him

didn't even bother to add the finishing touches to his character before announcing him. I mean, seriously, do we even know what this Matthew guy's last name is? Scott Morrison has been slammed by the media, many members of the public and his own family for returning home via private jet on the Father's Day weekend. His wife Jenny and two daughters said that they were fine with the PM spending all his time in Canberra if it meant he'd actually do his job and that he shouldn't bother coming back to Sydney again

until he'd fix the lockdown that was his own stupid fault. A primary student has been found after a three-day manhunt this week after parents reported their child missing. Search parties started when parents were notified of the absence as they were certain their child had made it to school that day. Though police suspected kidnapping, the child was found. days later, mysteriously, in class. It appeared the mix-up was entirely the result of the child responding away to their own name during the morning roll call. Those are the latest headlines

for The Chaser Report. I'm 2021 Gold Logie winner Rebecca Deunamuno. The Chaser Report is sponsored by your favourite fast food chain, Red Rooster, who, by default, are Australia's second favourite chicken-specific fast food. food venue. Don't let the numbers fool you. Red Rooster. Man, I could really go a zingerbox right now. Anyone else? Before we get into our chat with Nick Bryant, just a reminder, this is only an excerpt if you're really into American politics and you want to hear the whole thing. Just head to your podcast feed and look for the bonus episode with Nick Bryant's name on it. Just

listen to the whole of that instead of this. You'll love it. I promise. Nick Bryant recently finished up several decades working for the BBC as a senior foreign correspondent. He worked in Australia for many years and then most recently he was in the United States where he was up close for the whole of the Trump era. His latest book is called When America Stopped Being Great. So Nick, you're obviously a great lover of America. Where did that begin? Because throughout the book, you're also quite critical of America and yet you still seem to love it. Don, I think my mind migrated to America long before I actually stepped foot in the country and that didn't take place until I was about 16 years old. I mean, I was always more interested in

Washington than Westminster. I could quote more presidential speeches and prime ministerial speeches. I mean, I guess like so many kids around the world. I mean, I just grew up on, you know, those great American kids shows, those great American cop shows. And I was just absolutely fascinated by the country. And when I went to America, it really consummated that sense. Because I arrived there at this extraordinary moment. It was the eve of the Los Angeles Olympics. it was this amazing summertime of American resurgence, really. I mean, America had been in the doldrums, what with Vietnam and Watergate and the Iranian hostage crisis.

And then in 1984, they hosted the Olympics. And they had this modern-day gold rush. I mean, you remember, they won virtually every medal it seemed because of the Soviet boycott. McDonald's had this scratch car promotion at the time, which they decided to do before the Soviets had boycotted, where if you scratched off the card and the event that you got, they won a gold. You got the big mat, the silver, you got the fries, the bronze, you got a Coke. And

I basically feasted that entire summer on free fast food. And whenever I hear the chant USA USA, which basically echo throughout the country in that summer of 1984, I kind of think that somebody's going to hand me a free burger. And I really fell in love with America at that stage. I love the sense of possibility. I love the sense that people thought their lives were going to be better and their kids' lives were going to be better. And I guess that's something that really changed. I noticed that when I went back to live in America about eight years ago. People just didn't seem to believe anymore in the American dream. And so when Donald Trump says the American dream is dead, I think millions of voters actually agree with them. And it's interesting you mentioned 984 because so much of the book is

about Ronald Reagan and how he really changed America in a very enduring way. And certainly there were plenty of aspects of that that I wasn't really across. In what way did Ronald Reagan Reagan create the America that we see today? Well, in 1984, of course, Roder Reagan perfectly encapsulated the mood of the country. When he came up with that ringing slogan, it's morning again in America. That was his re-election slogan. They came up with this amazing ad that was probably the most successful political ad in U.S. history. And Robert Reagan won 49 out of 50 states, a landslide.

You don't get landslides anymore in American politics because the country is so divided. But you did back then. He would have won 50 states if it hadn't been for just a few thousand votes. in Minnesota, which is where his Democratic opponent, Walter Mondale, came from. And so Reagan, you know, seemed to be this sort of unifying figure, somebody that could bring the whole country together. But, you know, on reflection, Reagan was really the godfather of polarization in so many ways. He first emerged in 1964, which was an incredibly polarizing year because that was a year

that the Civil Rights Act was passed. Reagan opposed it. It was the year when the whole landscape of American politics changed. I mean, prior to 1964, the South used to be Democrat. They hated the Republicans because the Republicans were the party of Abraham Lincoln. But after 1964, in the passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act, which basically ended segregation in the South, the South started becoming more reliably Republican.

And Ronald Reagan was a part of that. He opposed the Civil Rights Act. But there are other ways in which he sort of brought about polarization. He really brought together the modern-day conservative movement in its present form, this alliance of gun enthusiasts, evangelical Christians, supply-side economists, people who really didn't believe that government had a major role to play in American life. And I think also in the Reagan years, you had that sort of greed as good ethos that really changed corporate America. Prior to 1980s, I think corporate America really did try to look out for everybody that worked for the corporations,

whether you're the lowest paid or the highest pay. But what we saw in the Reagan years was this massive discrepancy between executive pay and shop floor play. And one of the reasons why America is so polarised is because the economy is so polarised. And we really see the beginnings of that during the Reagan era. There were sort of echoes of Trump, even when he first started, wasn't there? There was a real show business to the way he operated.

Yeah, I mean, the obvious thing to say, obviously, is that the movie star president paved the way for the... reality TV star president, but it goes a bit deeper than that because Reagan really did create the modern presidency. And the modern presidency is a very performative presidency. So much of it is about what you do in front of the camera rather than what you do behind the scenes in the kind of nitty gritty of day-to-day governance. Reagan really wasn't a full participant in his own administration in the same way that Trump wasn't. There's a great story of Jim Baker, who was his chief of staff. He became his secretary of state, famous Texas politician.

real sort of black belt in Washington complained to Reagan the night before a economic summit that he just hadn't done his homework. And Reagan looked at him and said, Jimmy, got to realize the sound of music was on last night. And that personified, you know, Reagan devoured movies. He watched something like 360 during the course of his presidency in the same way that Trump devoured cable TV news. You know, Reagan was always looking for the big set piece, foreign affairs speech, the most famous one of which obviously was in front of the Brandenburg gate when he told Gorbachev to tear down this wall. Reagan really created the modern day state of the union, those moments where they look up into the balcony and they cite these human heroes with these stories that personify

or supposedly their political agenda. You know, that was a Reagan invention. He really turned it into a performative presidency where the people who occupied the White House had to be performers. And it is not a coincidence that, you know, up until Trump, there were. was only one one-term president. It was George Herbert Walker Bush. He was probably the worst performer on TV. And I think that's one of the reasons why he became a one-term president. This was just a small part of our conversation with Nick Bryant about all things American and his return to Australia as well. The Chaser Reporter sponsored by Red Rooster. All those other fast food chains

complaining about how their profits were hurt by COVID, but not us, you know, we saw little to no difference so swing on by to red rooster please now we all know that the withdrawal from Afghanistan did not go terribly well in this game of things but not only with the problems left on the ground there but Alex has discovered a whole new category of problem hey Alexa hey hey yeah I'm I'm quite worried I'll be honest guys I mean the withdrawal yeah is a problem but I mean even if it went perfectly what we're left with is just a bunch of soldiers and military equipment and they're just sitting there and there's nothing we do with them that's a huge problem like for the military industrial complex you know time's money you can't just have these guys sitting around and

I think you know we we often come up with great ideas on this show so I was thinking maybe we could work out where we could put the military where the US military could go so you're saying they've all flown back that final plane left they're now to sitting in bases when they could be doing stuff. That could be doing all the great stuff they were doing in Afghanistan, but somewhere else. Well, you know what I think should happen? I think they need to invade Western Australia. Oh.

Because we need Western Australia back. They're not opening their borders. They're basically, as far as I can tell, a gulag, really, you're not allowed to leave Western Australia. It's sort of North Korea-esque. I think we need to call the troops in. I think the US forces, I mean... Do you reckon we couldn't do it ourselves?

Well, if we did it ourselves, it would probably be over in a couple of months. The US forces would take 20 years, and in the end, Western Australia would win. And if you're talking about wars conducted on Australian soil, my theory was, you remember the Emu War thing, where Australia tried to get rid of EMUs on two separate occasions in the EMUs won? I reckon if the US nuclear forces came in, And the drone strikes. I reckon we could actually win the third MU war with US help.

No, we wouldn't be. I just think, like, the amount of people in the army that are just army men. Like, I think we're reducing them to being one thing here, guys, which is, like, you know, killing machines. But what you don't know is that there are multi-departments in the army and in the armed forces, for instance, the music section. Oh, yeah. There's a jazz band.

So, you know, yeah, Broadway's opening back up, and I hear there's talks of putting the sound of music on again. and there's always a call for the Nazis in that show. Yes. We should just give them something to do. I like the entertainment angle. You know, I'm personally, like, so sick of modern war movies and CGI.

Right. It just looks so shit. You know, barely satiates the deep urge I have to watch people dying for entertainment. Yeah, of course. I think they need to put the military back into Hollywood. Like, remember back in the day, you had Top Gun. Those were, like, sick jets and, like, actual military technology. I'd love to see a drone in a movie.

And it's win-win. It's also just great PR for the military, you know? Like right after the Vietnam War, they did Top Gun, you know, along with the Pentagon and attracted heaps of new Navy recruits and made the military look cool. Yeah, and fuck knows Charlie Sheen needs work. So he'd be popping back into a war film, it'd be fine. If he was the receiving end of a drone strike, I would support that. And also rom-coms.

I mean, it doesn't just have to be war movies, does it? No. They could be really useful in rom-com. What would they do? You know, the meat cute. Could be like, go out with me or I'll shoot you in the face. Yeah, me, cute, kill. Well, if we're doing things for the entertainment industry,

I mean, one country that is really good at knowing what to do with a whole lot of spare people is North Korea. I want to see US soldiers in stadiums. You know how they make those incredible pictures with the piece of paper? It's a pointless activity that takes years and years of training just for no reason. I think the US Army should do that. They'll be much better than ruining the world. No, no, Dom, actually, your mention of North Korea, I think that they should re-prosecute the Korean War

so that we can get MASH back. Oh. Because if they restart the Korean War, there'd be a reason to bring back MASH. That sounds like it more of a downside, Charles, but... I think we're getting a bit too carried away. We need to think outside of entertainment, more practical stuff. stuff that we experience every day.

I'm thinking, you know, they could help out on the streets of Sydney. You know, we've got the Australian military now to control COVID. But the numbers keep going up, which means obviously we need more soldiers. There aren't enough. And I also think our military sucks. Like, imagine what Gladys could do with the US technology. Yeah, I want to see five troops for every citizen in Western Sydney. Like, no one goes out their door.

They just get absolutely swamped by American soldiers. You can't get mad at Western Sydney if there is no Western Sydney. Well, I think drones are like the perfect technology. for this. So they've been social distancing since before COVID. You know, you can blow shit up in another country from a basement in Nevada. So it's like you can't, you can't get the virus that way. They're also, they're also great at spotting weddings, lots of illegal gatherings. They could really put an end to those. You know what though? I actually think just if we took COVID out of the equation for a bit, I reckon like just removalists. I'm sick of moving.

Oh, they'd be amazing. I like imagine if like every time you had to move because everybody in this country will have to rent for the rest of their life. Every time you had to move, just like seven or eight soldiers from the army just like rocked up and grabbed all your shit. So wait, so they withdrew from Afghanistan and you're proposing just constant withdrawals, just withdrawing from houses. Just, yeah, taking shit, yeah, taking shit that doesn't belong to them and putting it in another place that doesn't belong to them.

I've got a more direct solution to that, which is you just get the US troops to turn up at auctions, and any time an investor outbids a first home buyer, they just shoot them in the face. They could evict all the boomers. They could go around the whole of Australia and just kick boomers out of their investment properties. You wouldn't have booming house prices. I love it. I love it.

Shoot one, educate a thousand. I mean, I guess one thing they could do, if they've got all this time and hundreds of thousands of troops not doing anything is maybe, you know, protect their own government the next time a bunch of idiots turn up and try to overthrow it. Nah. That never do that. Shit idea, Dom. The Chaser report.

News you can't trust. All right, you've been pulled over for an RBT. Licit and registration, please. Oh, sure. All right. I'll just hold onto these. So, can you two please define your relationship for me? Wait, what?

What does that have to do with drinking? Oh, sorry, this is an RB. relationship bubble test now answer the question oh um okay well if you must know i i don't like to put labels on on anything be you serious oh my god here we go are you kidding me okay stop pressuring me you know i don't want to take things too fast too far too far it's been four months why am i even in this car that is a good question why are you in this car during lockdown when only intimate partners are supposed to be meeting shit we're in love I'm like so in love

Wow Oh my god The apple of my eye Yeah love him Wow All the love All the loveers I've got some questions for you

When's your partner's birthday Oh their birthday It's the 12th 20th 20th Of March June It's today babe

And I thought today was The 20th of June You always turn these things on to me So I'm hearing that your partner's a Gemini And your licence says you're a Pisces Not sure that's going to work out long term for you Next question Who's the big spoon in this relationship?

I am obviously What? Christ No, I am Four months you say All right Romeo and Juliet Okay, I'm going to need some hard proof If you two could just kiss for me please

What? I can turn off my body cam Or get some mood music If that'd help you get in his own No we don't need any mood music We're not kissing for you Is that legal? I don't...

Attention to all officers. We have a code 6.9. Someone trying to plan an orgy in Rudy Hill. Officers are to engage lethal force. Look, guys, I've got to go. So, final question. Do you two think you'll ever get married? Oh, well, you know, I'm certainly open to...

Isn't for me. What? Okay, so why are you together then? Yeah, why are we together? I think that's a good point. No, I... This isn't over, is it? I don't know, maybe it should be.

Maybe it's a... Why now? Yes, it's over. Ha ha, so you aren't together anymore. Sweet. That is a $5,000 fine for breaking lockdown. What's happening? Why are you being so mean?

Don't thank me. Thank Gladys. I guess it's cheaper than a wedding. Oh my God. What do you want? Cookies, gravy, chips, delivery. Fine, I'll do it. Just buy our chicken, please. And you know I'll do stuff that the other restaurants won't let you do. Thigh stuff, breast stuff, stuffing stuff. You know you want it, you dirty little red rooster, baby. Just before we go, I realised that didn't ask you, Gabby and Charles, the question we all ask each other this week, which is what did you do for father's day? Did you catch up with your dads? Did you, you know, have a beer, a barbecues, some special time? No, I mean, that's, it's not allowed, Dom. No, yeah, but my dad lives in Victoria.

I can't, legally not allowed to see him. Mine's in the News Corp building, and security won't let me in. No, matter how much I ask for Andrew. Andrew Bolt is not your real dad. No, I know, but my actual dad lives in the Central Coast, and yes, I haven't been able to see him. But why not? I mean, all you've got to do, right, is you just got a book of VIP Royal Australian Air Force jet. Oh.

Get a special exemption from the Chief Health Officer from the lockdown, and then just fly to Sydney for the weekend or wherever your parents are. That's what you do. At least if you're the Prime Minister. Oh. Yeah, Scott Morrison did exactly that. And it turns out it's actually the second time during the lockdown that he's flown between the OCT and Sydney and got an exemption. He just does it all the time, which is a great way of really living the consequences of your own policy failure. Right, yeah.

Nothing says we should follow the rules, quite like a dude telling us to follow the rules that he himself then goes and breaks. But mind you, you know, like he's a crisis. Like he's known for jetting off during a crisis. Yeah, that's true. I don't hold a string, mate. Mind you, I do think that if I had the option of jetting anywhere in the country and completely evading lockdown, I don't think I'd go and choose to see my kids. Or to go into Sydney.

It's the first thing. Sydney's really depressing right now, Scott. Go somewhere else. Go to the beach. Do you think he was just actually checking in on the cubby house? That's probably what I want. You think actually the kids went, oh, Dad, you're coming home? That's great.

We're having another curry, are we? Oh, great. Thanks. Yeah, the kicker would have been if he flown home for the weekend for Father's Day and not spent a single amount of time with his family. I think that would have been really funny. All right, guys, I'll just be in my office. The best thing is, though, is the way that he always does his stuff and then is deceptive about it.

Like, it's just his instinct. I'm looking now at the photo that he posted on Instagram, and it's got a picture of him and the two girls and his wife, the political props, and a dove, because that's what you do, you pose with doves. And it just says, on the day this photo was taken of our family together earlier this year, I was reminded of just how precious that gift is. Now, he was with his family on the day, but he didn't do a photo from that day. Oh, no. He posted one where he wouldn't get into trouble. And we only found out because some nerds were watching the, um, the airplanes. You know how

they always look at the flight scanners. And they noticed a Royal Australian Air Force VIP jet going between Canber and Sydney. I love it. This is literally revenge of the nerds. It's awesome. If you want to leave us a review, please go to have a podcast. We read them out every Friday. Thank you with some radio microphones. And we're part of the ACAST, Creator Network. Catch you tomorrow. There you. Bye.