The Chaser Report - The Strange Case Of Bert Poppins And Darren Roberts

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Charles Firth and Andrew Hansen discover their new favourite secret identity: the ACT Liberal who runs for a seat under one name, but posts controversial material under another. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Andrew and Charles. Oh, it's with Andrew and Charles today. We are going to have a good time, aren't we, Charles? Because it's Andrew and Charles today. Oh, yeah. We've got a nice read feedback over the weekend.

That's the first one. It's good to have a first positive comment. No, we get positive comments. all the time. It is funny when you have Andrew Hansen co-hosting. He sounds strikingly like Roy Slavin. I assume that's good. Really? Really? Do I now? That's funny about that because I haven't listened to much because I don't follow sport, you see, so I don't. I mean, I know Roy

and what he sounds like, kind of. I mean, I've definitely heard him. But I wouldn't say, like, I grew up on Roy Slaven. You know, that's just, it must just be because we both, I don't know, we both have a similar shaped larynx. I think it's the ultimate compliment. There is no higher The only one that comes close is to be, you know, HG Nelson. Well, that would be a high compliment. Yeah. But I think it's high compliment for Roy more than me.

I mean, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, to be compared to you. Yeah, yeah. So there you go, Roy, if you're listening, you are very similar to me, apparently. Very similar to me. And then the other thing that this listener suggested was that we do an episode on changes to the capital gains tax and negative gearing. Obviously this has incredibly good judgment It sounds like a real ratings winner

Yes yes Yeah welcoming our accountant guest From Thompson chartered accountants Get ready to get excited But it was actually quite a good idea Which is the suggestion was Look into what The very suspicious timing of Albo

Selling his investment property just moments before the government decides to make changes to the taxes around investments that's just a coincidence Charles. It's just a coincidence. You can't line these things up if you're a, you know, he's a busy man

he didn't realise they were happening at the same time. And the thing is, growing up in government housing, you know, you don't think about those sorts of things, do you? Well, it wouldn't cross your mind. You'd never think about money or housing. No, exactly. Anyway, that's not what we're going to talk about today. Today we're going to talk about a fascinating topic that you've brought to the table, Andrew.

Please tell us what it's all about. Look, don't raise your hopes too high. There's no accounting involved. But it does, well, there might be if he wins. Look, there's a local election happening in the ACT. So we're basically doing council elections. Is that what today's episode is? No, I think it's quite a big one.

It's bigger than that, I think, isn't it? Don't touch your dials. We'll be back after this break. I don't think it's a council. I think he's running for council. No, I think he's running... Well, ACT elections. ACD elections are like local council.

They're kind of a local council, aren't they? Cute little place. They have gyms and pools and things like that. Yeah, yeah. You know. So anyway, there's this election coming on the ACT. Now, there's a guy as a liberal candidate, there's a liberal guy called Darren Roberts.

And he's been running a Facebook page. it was discovered under the name Burt Poppins. Oh, I love it already. That's great. So wait a minute, Bert Poppins isn't a real guy. I love Bert Poppins. I follow Bert Poppins all the time.

We all follow Bert Poppins. Who doesn't follow Bert Poppins? We all are Bert Poppins in a way. Oh, so relatable. It's so relatable. It's just the Everyman. Bert Poppins. When you're hop on social media.

If you're going to create an every man, Bert Poppins, it's such a little, that's the, Yeah, he's speaking for the whole room, isn't he, Bert Poppins? He's just saying what everyone thinks. Yeah, it's like, what would Bert Poppins say about this? Yeah, well, I can tell you what he would say. What he would say is a cartoon with the comment,

how can a city be renamed with an Aboriginal place name when it didn't exist until a colonist built it? That's for an example of what Bert Poppins might say, you see. Now, this is not Darren Roberts saying this, the Liberal candidate. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's Bert Poppins. saying this. Right. It's a, you know,

and it's a funny thing for a guy from Canberra to say about the Aboriginal place name too, because I imagine he'd be very angry that Bert Poppins if Canberra was renamed to its original Aboriginal name of Canberra. I mean, that would be terrible. What was he, what was the city? Do we know what city he was referring to? No, I don't know.

I'm just reading the news report. I haven't actually seen. It's that whole idea of, you know, Narm being Melbourne and things of that, isn't it? Well, I think so. Yeah. It's horrible to add a sort of rich history to your life, isn't it? You wouldn't want a history. It's like when you go around Europe and you see all these fucking old things, like castles and stuff like that.

And it's not old. Can you just get your hand off it and stop being so old? Yeah, and stop being old. Why do you keep on talking about your fucking old king? and everything like that. Like, get over it. Get over it. Rename it all.

We live now. We don't live in the fucking 15th century. Who cares about King James and invading Scotland or not invading Scotland or Mary, you know, with the Scots and the England and everything like that? Like, just, why don't we just go to Tesco, buy a packet of fucking crisps and live in the here and now? And call it Tescoville, because that's what's here now. What's in now, exactly. What's here right now?

Yeah, it's in Knockdown, I mean, the whole Buckingham Palace. What a fucking joke. How old is that? There's like fucking decades, probably centuries old. It's disgusting. I mean, what the fuck? Stop living in the past. And that's what Australia has got so right for so long.

You know, we are a nation of Westfields. And, you know, just because somebody else lived here before, it doesn't mean you should say, oh, this is Canberra Westfield, with the Aboriginal name in it. Yeah, no. Just call it Westfield. Call it our Westfield.

Because it's got a Westfield on it right now. Yeah, that's what matters. That's what matters more. Yeah, Bert Poppins local Westfield is what it should be called. Not fucking Canberra with the old, you know, names. I think it would be much, I think, I actually think, Andrew, I'm serious here I don't think anything should be named

after something that hasn't that has existed before today I think we should make up place names based only on today so every day the place name changes Is today too long? It should be this hour? Should it be just within the last hour

or the last half hour? Yeah, exactly the street outside Call it red car because there's a red car on it? No, it should be called wet street. A wet street with a red car on it. Wet street with a red car. And then rename it in...

And in half an hour you can go back to rename it. That red car's just moved. So it's now... And it can't be called car that used to have a red car on it. That would be too confusing and old. That's too old. That's too old. It should be called...

It should be called... And it can't be called a street without a red car. No, no, it can be called street without a red car on it. Wet street without a red car on it. Wet, empty street. You'd better have another look out of the window, Charles, because it might have changed again. Oh, shit, there's now a silver car.

It's a house called Silver Car Street. Yeah, exactly. How can a street be renamed with an old name when it didn't exist until the blue car was there? I know. Oh, God. You see, Bert Poppins has the right idea. Anything else is too confusing.

Good on you, Bert Poppins. Yes. Shall I run you through another funny post from Bert Poppins? Okay. Let's see if we can ring some more outrage out of it. Not to be confused with Darren Roberts, the man who runs the Burst Poppins Facebook page, completely different man.

But, well, Andrew, no, Andrew, I'll pick you up on that. Yeah. Which is that when Stuart Roberts. Darren, it's Darren Roberts. Sorry, I was even under a understandable confusion. Anyone named Roberts in the coalition is pretty much the same guy. Maybe they are. same person

I don't know they're related well I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out it's actually Angus Taylor he's just running social media account changing the names of that

they all do now so but what about who was the guy who liked the gay porn and then claimed he wasn't he oh yes that was good yeah it was Chris Pine

wasn't it yeah was it there was another one there's definitely another one I'm sure there's what Greg Larson is very funny on that he keeps reminding Every so often, Greg Larson just post a reminder of that guy. Anyway, point is that, you know, like, he was just following his own principles,

which is that when Darren Roberts then converted over to Bert Poppins' account, right? He was no longer Darren Ross. It's like it's as absurd as calling Melbourne Nam to call Darren anything other than Bert. Yeah, you're right, because Bert Poppins is new. Because that was in the past. That was all ancient history. That was five minutes ago. Bert Poppins, it's new.

The Chaser report. More news. Less often. Well, here's another Bert Poppins post. I can run you through. It was reported in there. Now, during the campaign for the voice to parliament, Bert shared this image of Lydia Thorpe,

the indigenous federal senator, with a comment underneath, a little joke underneath that said, good news, my IQ test came back negative. Ah, right, playing on that racist stereotype that Aboriginal people are dumb. Well, it's kind of ironic for Byrd because, of course, Senator Thorpe was actually opposed

to the voice to Parliament. Yeah. So, because Senator Thorpe thought it wasn't ambitious enough, you know. So he's actually, it's very confusing from Bert because even though he agrees with her, he's also saying her IQ is low. Well, I know, I think that totally works. Poor Bert.

Poor Bert's dark. Oh, yeah. I identify as dumb. This person, I am now claiming her as one of my own. Therefore, she must be dumb. And actually, it was the opposite of races. It was inclusive. It was really inclusive.

It was Bert, including Lydia Thor. in his cohort of horrible, dumb people. Fellow, fellow idiots. Fellow idiots. Yes, it was very community-minded. Well, look, you've got to feel a bit sorry, though, Charlesford, poor old Darren, because, you know, he's in trouble now. I mean, he's been found out, right, with his Burke Poppins account.

And, of course, as you would expect, some of the other Liberals have said things like, well, you know, the Deputy Leader of the Canberra Liberals. Leanne Castley said this said The views certainly aren't my views All the Canberra Liberals views So you know of course And of course they're not

So you know Darren Roberts Has been severely punished I'll have you know By Yes Oh right By

He's been expelled Has he No no He's continuing to run As a Liberal candidate Oh that's the So that's how you show That his views are so opposed

To the Because of course His views are so different And no liberal voter would ever vote for somebody with those views. So he has to run. We want this guy representing him as a punishment to show the sort of views that are so abhorrent to us that the only thing we want is for him to represent us. And represent us.

And the voters will show, you know, by voting him out, you know, when he loses, you see, the party will be able to say, look, we told you so. we've proven that his views are not in line with us what's the what's the thinking there are the liberal party trying to have their cake and eat it too are they going we oppose this but we don't mind the votes that bert has his like is it just expedience is that the what is the actual thing behind that because you would think that as a party you wouldn't want someone who you say is abhorrent running for you. I'm running for you as a cancer.

I know. You wouldn't think so, wouldn't you? Maybe. But maybe they don't mind. Yeah, maybe they just think, well, you know, somebody will vote for him and we can claim those votes. And we can't those votes.

That's all right. And then, I suppose it's sort of the perfect out, isn't it? Because if nobody votes for you, then you can blame it on him. You can go, oh, well, he's the problem. But if you get the votes You win the election

Yeah you win the election They win either way Don't they because they can say That it was all Darren Roberts's fault That we lost Yeah Or Bert really Sorry not not Darren

He didn't post those things Burt Poppins With a spoonful of sugar Making the very difficult And offensive medicine He posted the stuff Yeah So anyway

Is he any relation to Mary? I'm sure I'm sure he is Well, if not Stuart Roberts, he certainly must be related to Mary. Will you remember Mary Poppins posting all those cruel memes, don't you, Charles? I wonder whether instead of being parachuted into the seat, he was umbrellaed into the seat. Here he is. Sorry.

So, well, there you go. Can we have one more, can we have one more, Burt Poppins post? Oh, look, we can actually, yeah. Should we run through another? Are they too horrible? Oh, they're pretty horrible, they're pretty horrible, but he did post a thing, hang on, all I'm doing, I'm scrolling through the news articles, and I'm just scrolling through all the condemnations from his fellow liberals of the remarks, whom he represents, whom he continues to, and continues to campaign for, and there are so many condemnations, I can't get through them all, maybe, that's the sort of same strategy that Labor Party are using the Alvo, like they're going, I see. I see.

Okay, what we've accidentally elected is somebody who's essentially a Tory and doesn't want to do anything about anything for working people. I would see, yes, it could be. And that's abhorrent. That's abhorrent. But at the same time, we're going to run him. He's Albo the Bert Poppins of the Labor Party. He's Albo Poppins.

Yeah. It's very similar. It's pretty much the same thing, isn't it? Well, here's one more post for you. Look, this is from April 23. the news says Bert Poppins posted about men wearing revealing clothing

with the comment this is not men's fashion it is a mental disorder Now I'm not sure what that's about When was a men wearing reverence See I can't see the image So I don't know what that's about But at least he cares about mental health

He's obviously pro-mental health Well isn't the whole point That when you get triggered by things like Revealing clothing in men That's because you get drawn to it Like isn't that the whole You know, you sort of go, oh, that's a bit, ooh, a bit, ooh, a better comment on this.

It's very interesting. Oh, I hate it. I hate this thing, but I'm spending a lot of time on. Maybe so, well, he is called Bert Poppins, after all. I mean, you know, sort of. Maybe he's wanting funding to be able to buy that sort of stuff, and that's why he wants to classify it as a mental disorder. Oh, I said, well, you mean, yes, yes.

NDIS. Well, good luck getting money out of the NDIS. I think he'd be waiting a long time. Still, I feel like we may have generated a lot of votes for Burt Poppins just by airing his views on this podcast, is my concern. And the good thing is, if you don't agree with anything that Burt Poppins says, then according to the logic of the Liberal Party, you should go out and vote for it.

Because, you know, even if you find his views abhorpe, It's vote one, Bert. That's right one, Bert. Yeah, yeah. You imagine the interviews of the polling with who are you voting for today? Oh, Bert Poppins, I just find his views absolutely disgusting. So he's right to the top of my ballot. We are part of the Icona class network.

Andrew, that was a pleasure. That was good fun. Oh, by the way, Canberra, before you go, I'm going to be doing a live show in you. on Friday the 11th of October. So come along with your Bert Poppins campaign merch to the Canberra Theatre Centre and see Andrew Hanson on the 11th of October. It's very soon.

And this is the show that called Everyone Else is Wrong, isn't it? It's called Everyone Else Is Wrong. Rather like Bert Poppins' liberal friends say about him. Is Bert coming? Well, I do hope so. But, Bert Poppins, if you'd like to pop along to the show, feel free, make sure you let me know. and we can do some material.

See you on the 11th. See you on the 11th. See yeah.