The Chaser Report - The World According to News.com

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

Andrew Hansen, Charles Firth, and Dom Knight take a look at the hardest hitting stories of today's news cycle... according to News.com. Learn all about the groundbreaking innovations being made in the world of soft drinks and ugg boots in today's episode of The Chaser Report. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report. We have Charles Firth, Andrew Hanson and me, Dom Knight. And Andrew, you've got some breaking, exciting drink news to share with this. Well, I should do, Dommy. I mean, I don't know if I should say that it's my news personally. I discovered it on the wonderful news.com.com.

Who have an absolutely thrilling article and a very balanced take on this new Sprite drink. Can I guess that they are supportive of this new innovation in Australian food? Well, let's just see. I mean, I'll take you through some of their reporting. Let's describe the beverage first. The News.comcom.com. You tell us it's actually two new drinks. They're called Sprite Lemon Plus and Sprite Lemon Plus Zero Sugar.

Oh. And they feature a stronger lemon taste than the traditional lemon and lime combination of standard Sprite. But, says News.com.com. The drinks also feature something else never before seen in Sprite, which is, can you guess what that is, Charles? Is it a new colour? It'll be a new colour. It'll be, the colour black. I bet you it's the colour black.

Black Sprite. Oh, that's not a bad guess. That would be great. I would drink a black Sprite, actually. No, no, no. It's caffeine. It's caffeine. This is caffeinated Sprite.

Oh, how revolutionary, because the Coca-Cola company, which makes Sprite, quite well known for caffeine in other drinks, but Sprite was just a glaring mistake in their lineup as an uncaffeinated drink. Well, they haven't done it before, Domney. I mean, you know, you might think, is this a good idea, and is this going to be healthy? Well, look, news.com.com.com. You have spoken to Coca-Cola's marketing director, Kate Miller, who said, and I quote,

Sprite has always been clear with its position as a brand that refreshes people So there you go She's doing this journalism Is this Kate McClymouth who's doing this journalism? Yeah well hang on don't criticise Because they drilled into this marketing director And they gave her a grilling

And she had more to say And look she sounds a bit defensive If you ask me But the marketing director did say defensively With the introduction of our latest innovation Sprite Lemon Plus we are taking refreshment to the next level, unquote. She's on the back foot.

She really is. I know she's in a corner. I had this sort of gotcha journalism, frankly. Yeah, this is just throwing the cat amongst the pigeons for me because to me, Sprite's clear, and the lemon one is Lyft. The yellow one, I've seen this stuff in the shops, and it's the same colour as Lyft. What are they doing to lift?

All the years Lyft has been there for them faithfully supplying, lemon, sweet, sugary, whatever, and now they're just undermining it with Sprite. Sprite's supposed to be clear. It's pretty outrageous because it is a yellow. It's a yellow liquid. I think they're not going after the lift market. Yeah, it's kind of, yeah.

They're avoiding the lift market and going straight to the solo market. That's what's happening. Is that, is that the, you think that's what about the caffeine story, though? How do you account for that? Well, that's just to make it more addictive. That's obvious. Well, maybe more foods. See, I got to thinking maybe.

maybe other foods I probably have caffeine in them as well I mean my kids don't eat asparagus at all right and I feel like mine neither if we put caffeine in them and got them hooked on the caffeinated asparagus

they demand it they get a caffeine headache you could call it smart asparagus I think that's a brilliant idea I mean yeah I'd like if you want to start the day with something caffeine though don't you so I thought maybe

breakfast foods, you know, caffeinated eggs. What about eggs? You know, I'm pretty sure you could find that could achieve this. Eggs plus, you know, if they just gave the chooks, say, an espresso.

That would work. Yeah. Hour or two. They'd probably lay faster, too, wouldn't they? And they wouldn't be able to sleep. Yes, they'd be pumping out eggs in a fury. They're short, not short life.

And they're stress. It'd be great. Nervously laying eggs all day. I've been in trouble thinking about this for years. that, you know, there's this whole debate about do you put fluoride in water for our health? How have we not added caffeine to tap water? Just to the tap. It's a terrible mistake.

I mean, surely caffeine's far more valuable than fluoride. Fluoride didn't make anyone concentrate better and smarter and get more energy. I think that's a brilliant idea, Domney. Caffeine with the tap. And then Coca-Cola Company, which runs Sprite, could release a decaffeinated version of Sprite, plus to sell for people who don't want to have the caffeine. Sprite and minus. Oh, that's brilliant.

You could have decaf versions of everything, couldn't you? You could have decaf asparagus. Yes. Insist on decaf asparagus at the cafe. I mean, I'm being healthy. We could charge for water. Decaf water would cost money. Yes, it'd be twice as much for a decadourable.

Known as a sleep supplement, wouldn't it? I don't think that's good. You'd have it just before, you know, bedtime. I mean, there are other stuff. I mean, I wonder why we stop at caffeine, actually, guys. I mean, surely there are some other additives Sprite could use to make the beverage. You mean, something like fentanyl or something? I mean, that's more addictive.

Well, yes. It's more addictive than... Yes, it's the thing. Yeah. Opioids are the thing. You've always served these sorts of drinks with ice, right? With cubes of ice. Why not put the drag ice?

Well, why not Sprite plus plus plus ice? With ice featuring ice. With the drug eyes. With the drug eyes? What's some extra fizz in your step? That's probably more the vibe than fentanyl. I wonder if you could cause harm to others with these drinks. Sprite rage.

It's not always about pleasure, you know. What about Sprite arsenic? Which Russians could use to sort of get rid of their political opponents. Yeah, yeah. I think there's something to be said for the... Sprite razor blades. Just literally put razor blades. It's full of razor blade.

It's just a drink full of razorblades. And then you can release the... D-resonated this version of the drink. If you don't want to eat your mouth. Which costs more. It must be genuinely hard for the Coca-Cola company to come up with new flavour combinations. Yeah. It was probably spent years formulating.

We've already got a lemon drink. Let's have another lemon drink that's basically the same under a different brand that has caffeine. Like they've already got six different kinds of Coke. Yeah. Do you think that? You know, Coca-Cola board were a bit underwhelmed by the presentation when they went, you know, we've come up with this new formula. It's Sprite, but it's lemony.

They go, but it's Sprite's already lemony. But this is slightly more lemony. It's Lyft. It's Lyft that's called Sprite. Yeah, Lyft's called Sprite without a cafe. Brush that down to the door. Give him a promotion. He's going places.

He decided to make Sprite slightly more lemony. Lemony Sprite. Well, Charles, you're in America. Surely you can track down the next evolution of this. Presumably they've had smart, sprite, lemon plus caffeine for years there. Certainly in L.A., there is a wall of just drinks that I don't recognize. Like, there's hundreds and hundreds of brands of water. It's just the incredible thing.

This one, the one that I'm being in the moment, is called boobly. which I think is a terrible note. I think it's supposed to be bubbly. Boobly. Boobly. It's almost like they wanted to name it after Michael Bublay and they couldn't afford it. It's bubbly with only one B.

And they all have... Is it all really all sparkling water over there? It's basically the only thing you can buy. And you're right. kombucha also. kombucha's caffeinated. Oh. kombucha plus,

which will be a lemony version of kombucha. The Chaser Report News you can't trust When we talked about the inevitable decline of lack capitalism I didn't realise it would be expressed primarily through drinks In this way We're out of ideas This is the point we're at Tommy

This is the point we're out of idea Like Charles said You know I mean he made a slightly lemonier version of Sprite Some genius I suspect maybe that's where we're headed with kombucha It's like congratulations You've released a slightly more

kombucha-flavored version of kombucha. How have they not invented a double-shot version of Coke? Like, how is they not Coca-Cola Plus with double the caffeine? Double caffeine. I've got a fact for you, actually, Dommy, if you're into that, if you're into that, the most caffeinated drink on earth, the most caffeine per litre. And maybe you should try this while you're in the States, Charles. It's a drink called Red Line Extreme.

Red Light Extreme. Yeah, it's got more than double the caffeine. I'm definitely in a home-brewed coffee per litre. And so... I mean, perhaps for a future episode. I'll hunt that down and I'll just be near a toilet when I try it, I think. Sounds like a very relaxing thing to drink. Don't rinse your mouth out with the caffeinated water, whatever you do.

And so have you tried this product, Andrew? And did we get to the end of the news article about it? Because you're left to be hanging a bit. Did news.com that I reviewed this one? Sorry, it petered out a long time ago. Did the reporter really get stuck into the Sprite purse? Did they get a walk list straight away or they got to wait for the ceremony? Oh, look, I mean, they did criticise the drink a little bit in that they've said that it's going to come in an even more recyclable bottle than before.

Oh, yeah, well, it's the Wake Brigade. Thank goodness. Right. Bending to the Wake Brigade. Well, I look for. to whoever wrote that article receiving a Walkley Award for Best Promotional article yeah it's get put me in the mood for a particularly lemony sprite I must say I've got another article here actually from news.com today that I wanted to mention today I think it's if you don't mind me asking it's it's also for newscom today so we're only doing

breaking news today is this what's going on wonderful news this is the big news day this is very news heavy this episode and if it wasn't exciting enough to have Sprite with added caffeine. McDonald's is giving away, because they're kind people. They're giving away chicken-inspired ugboots that are the textures of nuggets and arrive in a giant sauce cut. The texture of... And they're only available for six hours.

They're called nuggies. They're their ug nuggies. Noggy. And they're the texture of chicken nuggets. The texture of nuggets. This is what I think. Every time I sink my teeth into a macas chicken nugget, I do think, oh, I'd love this on my feet.

Quote from news.com.com. These booties have been designed to resemble chicken nuggets right down to the texture, according to the fast food giant. And news.com.com.com editorialises a claim that feels impossible, yet intriguing. I would say every time I eat a chicken nugget, I go, this tastes like an ag boot. So it does actually... Yes, I feel somebody was wearing it on their feet usually.

They looked down and went, wait a minute, this is a new product. Yeah, it was up with these... They're just chicken nuggets in their original form. This is how they normally start out before they slice them up. Before they were originally shoes. Well, yes, well, there are only 50 pairs of these free nuggies to give away, apparently. Oh. Because the rest of the stocks just being delivered straight to restaurants for frying.

And this is the other exciting point here. They say it's the only second chicken-inspired footwear after KFC hit the fashion runaways back in 2020 with a team up with crocs. Who would have thought there was a way of making crocs less fashionable? A KFC crocs. A KFC crock that basically it looked like a crock strapped to a box of KFC

to make a platform shoe. It was called the bucket clog. No wonder I've seen so many people wearing bucket clogs lately. It must have been a huge hit. I just can't believe more fast food. I mean, why have there not been sort of cheeseburger shoes We just ooze tomato sauce all over the floor Or something like that

Yeah, absolutely I think you're right Dommy, I'd like to see more fast food shoes I would Yeah I'd like to see some Taco Bell shoes And you could What you could do is

You could get the Nando's Bondi burger Chicken Patty And they wouldn't work at all For shoes Because they're so fucking small all the time I think you've confused your brands There then Charles

I'm pleased The Bombay burgers and a Porto, yeah, no, it's the Porto. Well, you talk about size, but I do feel there's something in the Domino's pizza as a snowshoe. Yeah, that's a very good idea. Yeah. That would work. You couldn't, surely you could just get a full red rooster barbecue chicken and just take the inids out of it and put your foot in there. Get around in a couple of barbecue chooks.

That would be good for ice skating or something like that because it'd be very slippery. It would melt the high. I'm glad we have a daily news podcast. Yes, I feel we've covered the news and that's it. That's all that's happening. There's no climate change or anything like that that we need. No climate change, no complete rebooting of the workplace system. No endemic problems in school of, you know, message boards with horrible abuse going.

It's all about the new flavours of Sprice. Thank you, news.com, that are you for that. gives from road with part of the ACAS created a network and we'll catch you tomorrow or whenever there's exciting new fast food news cool