The Chaser Report - The Worst Hotels In The World | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

If you were looking for your next getaway destination, Andrew and Dom do a deep dive into which hotels around the world you should avoid. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to the Chaser Report. Dommy here with Mr Andrew Hanson once again. Hello, Andrew. Yeah, hello, Dommy. How are you feeling? All the better for both having you back on the podcast, but also I know you've been spotting

trend, you've had your ear to the ground, you've been discovering what the cool people are doing, and I can't wait to find out as a deeply uncool person myself. Oh, look, me too, Dommy. I am cool enough to read about TikTok trends as soon as they are reported six weeks later in the mainstream media When I come across them And I feel very, very ahead of the curve And today, today, do you know what the trend is, Tommy?

Not the trend, but the thing that's been noted on TikTok, I should say, really. It's a hotel. It's a very unusual hotel room. Oh, I love a good, I must say, love a good hotel, a bit different. Is it sort of a boutique hotel with an interesting designer? Is it, um, yes? Yes.

Oh, it kind of is. I mean, well, it depends on, you know, boutique doesn't necessarily mean you'd want to stay in it, does it? But it is that kind of thing. It's an art hotel. There's an art hotel doing a very unusual thing. But I think, look, we probably have to force people to listen to the ads first before we reveal what that is. Let's make sure we drive listener engagement by playing an ad before you reveal what's in the hotel. Thank you for your patience.

Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.C. Oh, thank goodness. Okay, Andrew.

Lay it on us. Look, this hotel, there was this viral thing on TikTok because somebody died in this bizarre room in Spain. The idea of this hotel room is that, first, of all, it's sort of part of the hotel lobby. It's not necessarily its own separate room. I mean, when you book a hotel room, you normally expect to have a kind of a private space. Yeah. This room, all the walls are completely made of glass. Right. It's, and they're a joint, they're neighboring the lobby directly, or kind of in the lobby, really. It's really like

a display case, more, more than a room with a bed in the middle. And if you book it, you're allowed to stay in it for free. Wonderful. The downside, of course, is that everybody who's in the lobby can see you through the glass. You're not allowed to switch the light off. It's lit 24 hours a day and it's up to you really to, I suppose, entertain the other guests who are in the lobby. What a dreadful deal. So, yeah, it's the light. It gets me. So you've got to, yes, you've got to sleep with the lights on or maybe not sleep. Maybe you might do something else. You know, it's rather like being in a zoo, I suppose. Yeah, I guess that's true. You know, when I was a kid, Taronga Zoo had an exhibit that was a human. It was a human who went to live in one of the cages for a few weeks.

And I remember I went to a party, because I knew someone who knew the guy who was doing it. It was probably an actor, I think. You're sure he was human and not just a very hairless-looking creature. It wasn't a creature with an alpecia or something. No, no, it was definitely human. And we had a part, it was sort of like a party in there for his last day. So we went to the party. This is in Australia.

Are you sure this sounds like a Japanese game show. It doesn't sound like an Australian Zoom. I know, I know. It's kind of a good idea. I'd do that. I'd go and stay in the Toronto Zoo. Because people would come past and talk to him. But he got free housing in Sydney with the Waterview.

Oh, well, actually, yeah, we'd kill for that now, actually. It's a very good deal. Oh, well, these could be the answer to the housing crisis. Yes. Open the zoos up. Open the zoos. Yeah, why are we wasting? You know, all these animals are getting perfectly good bored.

Absolutely. Free of charge. Why should they? And a lot of them are immigrants. You know, there's tigers and gorillas and all sorts of things. Yeah, the Thai elephants and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I remember Tarongue. They used to have an Andean condor. What about a nice rock for a nor Aussie to match on? That's true. I really don't like the Thai elephants coming in and taking jobs from Australian elephants. Yes. Well, jobs, do they do jobs? Housing, yes.

I'm not sure they're working. Actually, the elephants are good. They've got a very good, very good view, the elephants, particularly. But anyway, look, back to this art hotel. So the deal is, it's kind of a Truman show by choice, isn't it? You get surveilled constantly in return for free accommodation. I mean, this is just big brother in a hotel room, isn't it? I mean, the crappy TV show, I mean, not the sort of Orwellian nightmare.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, it does sound like that. Well, let's have a listen, shall we, to, you know, the way that this person described this day in the glass-walled hotel room. You are the art, which means people want to see you do something. Here's what it felt like waking up with a window two feet from my face. Hello. What's your handle? If you still think you can sleep through that, even though you're exhausted and delusional

and just wondering why am I seeing a stranger while you're half asleep, congratulations, you're on another level. So that's just a taste of whatever. I don't think she enjoyed herself very much, perhaps, or wasn't even maybe expecting it. Because she, I mean, one thing she noted in her video was she didn't realize that the lights would be on 24 hours a day. Yes, that sounds like a good thing to clarify. It might be something the hotel should mention if they're offering the room.

I mean, the thing that I probably would most want to clarify is that whether the bathroom has walls, because I think it's one thing to have exhibitionism, but I think pooping in privates probably reasonably. Maybe you're allowed to exit and go to the bathroom in the lobby or something. Well, this could, maybe this should be, I don't know, that's just a matter of personal taste. I feel you're being very judgmental. That's true. Maybe people pay extra. Maybe you get paid extra. Yeah, in fact, there are establishments, I believe, where you can pay to see such things.

But wherever I feel like that, if you really want to see stuff like that, it should just be a public service. I mean, you know, those fancy public toilets we sometimes see nowadays, the Exilu. Have you seen an Exilu? Well, it's an Exilu. Oh, it's a brand of, or it's a company who make these, they're kind of slightly more bougie than usual public loos. Yeah. Automatic sliding doors. And while you're in there, you know, doing your duties, they play Musak.

Lovely. And there's a kind of AI-sounding voice telling you what to do next. The door will open shortly Or, you know, you have two minutes remaining to do your shit It's something like that Hmm But I mean, maybe these exiles could come with glass walls For those who are interested

That's very good She said it was an adult-only hotel dummy Oh, I see So really anything could happen in that room I mean, this doesn't make me want to visit the lobby though Because, you know, do they screen the guests Make sure they're good-looking? Are they good-looking guests?

Yeah, I don't want to walk in on people boating in the hotel lobby? It's not not really. I mean, again, there's places you can go and pay for that, but imagine if you're sort of checking in, settling your bill, disputing a line item on your bill and people are just shagging about a meter away from you through the glass.

Well, at it, you know, or even doing anything, it'd be quite annoying. Even if somebody's just reading bed and you're sort of trying to check out of a hotel, I would find that quite irritating. It'd feel awkward. You're invading their personal space. This does remind me, though, Andrew, of a very pretentious hotel that I once went to.

that actually had something a little bit like this. I'd completely forgotten. I don't know if they still do. It's the standard hotel in Los Angeles in kind of West Hollywood. Oh, of course you'd stay there. When he travels, Dominic Knight stays at the standard hotel. It was actually for a friend's wedding, and it was the cheapest hotel I could find that was near the thing.

Because it was a very, very standard room, should we? So they'd taken a very old crappy hotel, renovated it slightly and made it cool. So it had a very cool kind of brand, but then the actual rooms were quite daggy in an ironic way, if you know what I mean. Oh, I see. What they did. It was the only thing I could afford. But they had in the lobby, and this was very pretentious. They had behind the check-in desk, so behind the staff, there was a glass box, like a giant fish tank.

And they would pay model to recline in the fish tank. So they sort of sideways, just lie there for hours on end doing what I think they read books or something. Maybe they listened to music. So they were paying people to do it. This should be standard in every ibis dummy. I don't see why you'd have to go to a weird hotel to have a model reclining in a fish tank in the lobby. That should just be in all hotels. I think a hotel Ibis should have an Ibis.

A giant tank of ibis is just fighting over a bin. That would be fantastic behind the check-in desk. Yeah, I feel because it's a French company, I understand, who owns the Ibis. I suspect they don't know the Ibis's reputation in Australia when they named that hotel like of all the animals, all the animals you could choose. Well, isn't it the cheapest brand? Isn't it the Echo hotels sort of cheap?

There's an Ibis budget. That's the bin chicken of hotels. Yeah, I think if you went there and the breakfast buffet was basically served in bins, I think you would have been foreworn, don't you reckon? And you have to get it out with a beak, with a long beak attachment on your face. That's a good idea Is your ibis beak, monsieur? I love the I'm going to say

I've stayed in a lot of ibises Yeah, sure I actually love I love staying in ibises I think they're nice Because they're very simple They don't have this And the things are the right shape

You know, what I don't like About the boutique hotels Is everything's the wrong shape Oh sure It's like, you know The designer's gone and decided Well, no, I'm not going to make The chair a chair shape

Because that would be too uninteresting Oh yes You're going to have to sit on like a metal sheet or something. That's literally true. And it's so uncomfortable. Oh, yeah, yeah. The first boutique hotel I ever stayed in is actually in your hometown.

It's in Melbourne. What's it called again? The Adelphi. The Adelphi. The Adelphi. Speaking of metal sheets. That's what it is. Wasn't I on this same trip and somebody got their legs sliced open.

No, this is my family. But no. But yeah, it's true. I bashed my leg into the coffee table. We might have talked about it in the past. And it was incredibly. painful. It was basically a sheet of metal and I whacked my leg into it

and I said to them by the way I hurt my foot very badly on the coffee table and I said oh everyone does that That's part of the charm I remember the sink so the sink was a sheet of metal with a sort of slight dip in the middle was very beautiful slight dip in the middle with a tap in the centre of the dip

with a plug hole and you'd turn the tap on with any velocity at all and the water would spray out of the sink all over you and all over the roof but it was very beautiful you can't show you even a sink like that you can't fill it it's not a bowl it's not a bowl shape it's not for filling it's for admiring no you wonder what they were what they were thinking the ancient romans or whoever in first invented the bowl shaped bowl yes i mean they were they were very

clever really because it's actually cleverer than today's designer hotel yes they realized that if you want a bowl of water it has to be shaped like a bowl not a sheet not a sheet well the final gimmick that they had in this hotel and this this was quite cool and yet also terrible at the same time, was that you could, so the swimming pool was on the roof. Do you remember this? And you'd swim to the roof pool. To the end. It's kind of like a lap pool. You'd swim to the end. And they'd

can't leave it at over Flinders Lane with a glass bottom. So you'd be swimming along your lap doing anything and then suddenly, if you had your goggles in, you'd suddenly be able to see through the bottom of the pool to the street below. Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying. And you'd scream

and get a lung full of fluorinated port. Yes. Yeah. And the genius of the whole place was that it was a very, it was a really drab, dingy warehouse in a quiet, there's no view of anything. And just by putting dangerous and foolish ideas in it, they managed to make it cool and charge a fortune to stay there. Well, no view of anything is common to all hotels in Melbourne, Donnie. That's one thing my city prides itself on.

Yes, you don't want a view of the skyline of the Melbourne CBD. It's much better than a view of a brick wall. It's true. All right. In a moment, I've come up with a couple of other bizarre hotels from around the world, just in honor of these ideas. Oh, great, great. Let me just pitch a few of you for your next tour.

Yeah, I might. Yes, if I don't want to shave, I'll book one of these. Let me know what's on offer. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month.

Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.com. The Chaser Report, news you can't trust. So there's a hotel in Nairobi, Kenya, where you can stay with giraffes. It's called the giraffe manor. And basically, you're having breakfast there, having a lovely breakfast. And there are windows, so the giraffes stick their heads in and steal your breakfast. Oh, so they're not in a glass case behind the desk?

Strangely, no. The giraffe comes in and grabs a treat, grabs your slice of cake or whatever it might be. Ha, and I've seen giraffe tongues come out. That would be really frightening. Yeah, big black tongues, that's right. They're kind of green, I think. A big giraffe's tongue is like a big green sausage. Yes, I saw, we actually went to Nairobi on our honeymoon,

and we went to see a giraffe sanctuary, and they give you treats, and the giraffs come over and the tongues are absurdly large. It's brilliant. They're huge. Oh, did you get giraffe tonged out of your hand? Oh, it's wonderful. So the giraffe came and ate the treat out of your hand? It did.

It was, Stacey, the giraffe. She was lovely. Wow. Deplaced, if you have an ick factor, it's not recommended, but it was, I enjoyed it. Well, no, yeah, now you can just stay in the hotel and receive the same treatment. I like the giraffe sort of stealing things from your plate. So in Amsterdam, here's another idea for you. It's a, it's a hotel suspended by a crane.

It was formerly the highest crane in Amsterdam, and it's very, very high in the air. There's three suites, the cheapest is 895 euros per night. Would you like to stay up a crane? Oh, up a crane. Is there a crane being operated while you stay? Do you get to sort of whivel around and be lifted, hoisted up and down? Do it yourself, shouldn't you? It's the Faraldor Crane Hotel.

I'm just looking at pictures here. No, it seems like it's static. But it's one of those, it's really a very large, like it goes quite a long way out, suspended. Look, I think for a, you know, if you're of a construction mindset, I mean, maybe for tradies who would like to be on building sites. How do you get into the room, Dommy? It looks like there's a ladder, you have to climb up the crane, or what do you do? Maybe there's one of those builders' lifts.

I can't really entirely tell how it works. But no, I mean, you get a very good view once you're up there. It's a five-star luxury suite on top of the crane. So the views are very good. But you're on an industrial crane at the docks in Amsterdam. Well, you'd have to be stoned, wouldn't you? Which in Amsterdam would be very easy. Yeah, you'd just breathe in the air from below, I think, wouldn't you?

Well, I like this adaptive reuse, Sandra. And there's another example of that here, actually, from Germany. This is called the Duss Park Hotel. And what it is, and I'm not making this up, it is a sewage pipe, a series of sewage pipes that it's the site of a former sewage plant, and they've taken bits of pipe and put beds in them with some heating and a secure door.

And you can book, it's basically essentially free. Just reserve one and pay what you like. It seems like an appropriate price. But the whole sewage plant's been turned into an exhibition space and a garden and so on with a few little bits of pipe beds where you can apparently have a little bit of a sleep if you want for the night. Fantastic, Domby. I bet you it smells marvellous too.

You know, I have visited, you know, pumping stations. Here in Melbourne, we have a pumping station. You can visit it. It has an interesting pong. So I can imagine, you know, people who are curious about what it would be like to stay overnight with that. Did you say it's free of charge, though? It says you sort of book and pay what you like. Yeah, I mean, I think it'd be a bit rich to charge for a former sewage bed.

Okay. So you pay what you like. Yeah. Yes, which would be, in my case, I would like very little. Yeah, because I was thinking, yeah, I would like nothing at all. Because I was thinking, you know, there are some struggling hotel owners who are really, you know, trying to stay in business. They're doing everything they can to make the room as lovely and wonderful as they possibly can for the guests. And here's somebody, some dude with a sewage pipe.

I was thinking, wait a minute, why are you turning a profit? Well, let's take this sort of fecal metaphor even further. there is a hotel in Holland, in the Netherlands. Its name is actually, I think you'd enjoy this. It's called Casanus. Hasanus. That's the name of the hotel. He's staying in a giant replica of the human digestive system.

Essentially, you're staying in a colon, a model of a colon. So, Casar house. Anus, Casanus. Fantastic, is there a honeymoon sweet? I think there's only one bed. What about the presidential sweat? I mean, I can imagine a lot of foreign visiting dignitaries, you know, would like to stay in there. I imagine, you know, surely if King Charles is paying a visits or...

He'd be in the tampon hotel, wouldn't he? Oh, true. It'd be a different... So it's a hundred and twenty euros for a night. It's got a... Oh, you have to pay to stay in the anus. A double bed, table, shower and toilet. And it really does look like a giant pink tube of anus.

So if that's your thing, that's where you can go. Fantastic. Is it doing... How is it on Google reviews? The Hasseanus. It's a contemporary art space. So it's sort of a conceptual artwork. But I'll look for the Google reviews for Cassainus.

I mean... The TripAdvisor, you know. Best place to... I can't imagine it being number one. Imagine if that was, though, for your city, the number one. TripAdvisor Hotel recommended every time somebody Googled where to stay in... Which city is it in? It's in...

Stikhan in Belgium. It's got six reviews on Google reviews in English. and it's four stars out of five. Oh, four stars. What does I say? Great for families. I'm not sure. Anyway, go and see a video of that.

Charming tranquil oasis. I've got just a couple more ideas. This is even stranger. This is the Nul Stern Hotel or the No Star Hotel in Switzerland. And the concept here is it's the no, it's actually not a hotel at all. It's a hotel with no walls. So it's just a bed in the middle of the outdoors. You can only book it in.

It's in the Swiss Alps. You can only book it in the summer. And the thing I love about this, it's made by two artists who created it. But this is the most famous one. They've done a lot of hotels and strange places. You get a bed in the middle of nowhere with a stunning view and a butler, Andrew. That's great.

I like this a lot. I want to stay in the no star. That sounds marvellous. What happens if it rains? Do they have anything? Maybe the butler brings you an umbrella. It's a very good view. It's basically.

So it's like a wooden platform with, there's the ambient sound from the website, very funky. It's a very nice looking bed, but you're basically on the platform outdoors. So you have the zero real estate suites. You can go on, you can't stay there at the moment, but you can go on the waiting list. And they seem to be building even more of them in other places. Well, I think I'm surprised they've even bothered to supply the bed, really. I mean, I would have thought just, you know, lying on the grass might be more truer, truer to the message of the Zero Star Hotel.

Because I think if you've given a bed, you've kind of got half a star there, haven't you? That's a half-star hotel, if it has a bed. And the final one I'd mention is courtesy of Banksy. Are you across Banksy's Hotel? Look, I think I have heard about Banks' Hotel. Can you refresh my memory on what he's done there? It's called the Waldorf Hotel, and it's particularly important at this time of conflict in the Middle East. Unfortunately, it's closed at the moment because of the conflict.

But it's a hotel in Bethlehem that is right up against... The wall that the Israel built there. So there's Florida ceiling views of graffiti-strewn concrete from every room, it says. They're within range of the Army Watchtower from the Israeli Army. It's outfitted with surplus items from Israeli military barracks. You get earplugs because you need them. And there is a presidential suite, it says here. Oh, there is.

There's a water feature. Didn't he think of the honeymoon suite? I think so. Sounds like a lovely place. There's a plunge bath, which can fit four. There's a home cinema and a water tank made from a bullet-riddled water tank. So it saves up to four adults. I think it'd be fantastic.

Yeah, that sounds better than the ibis. It does. And they serve the walled-off salad, so well done. Ah, yes. Appalach, celery, walnuts, grapes. And there's charming works on the wall. Of course, Banks, there's vandalised oil paintings and statues choking on the fumes of tear gas. So it's subtle.

I have to be honest, I actually would love to go and stay there. It's amazing, isn't it? Yes. Look, I'm happy to look at the photos of it. I don't think I'll, look, I might not book in, but I'll, you know, I'll check it in on Lobby. I wonder what TripAdvisor says about that. Waldorfhotel.com, if you want to know more. It will reopen, presumably, if there is ever is peace in the region, but for the time being, it's an absolute no.

So there you go. I think all these make the glass room, well, is the glass room better or worse than sleep? in a room with no walls at all. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good point, actually, because the No Star Hotel is the same issue, I think, doesn't it? The passes by in the Swiss Alps can see whatever you're up to. Yeah. Yeah.

Look, I think you've really wet our appetites here, Dommy, with your list of thrilling places to stay. I'm very excited to book my next trip. I hope you are too, if you're listening. Let us know where you're going to book in or if you've stayed. Have you stayed in any of your head? How'd you rate it, podcast at chaser.com.com. are you? I must say, though, the next time, and I've got a booking when I'm down in Melbourne soon, in a hotel ibis. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it unless there is an actual

ibis there, Andrew. I think you may have ruined that little brand of hotel, budget hotel for me forever. Well, look, you never know your luck, Tommy. We do have ibises here in Melbourne. I mean, you know, you spot them from time to time. Not as frequently as Sydney. I assume that ibises in Melbourne rather than having white coats are dressed all in black. Oh yeah, puppy jacket and ibises. Far too cold here for an ibis. A little waxed moustache. somehow. Oh, yeah, you needy that. Yeah, strutting around clutching little, little coffee under their wing. Do they only raid artisanal bins with organic content? No, that's right. It's got to be, yes, it's going to be single origin rubbish for a melbourne ibis. There you go. Well, I look forward

to coming down and catching up with you. Thank you, Andrew. Gere is from Road. We're part of the Acona Class Network. And we'll talk to you again soon. Happy holidays. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore FIS is 100% online so you can make the switch in minutes mobile plans start at $15 a month certain conditions apply

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