The Chaser Report - The Worst Uber Ever | Chris Taylor

Episode Date: August 7, 2022

Chris, Dom, and Charles sit together to rate different rating systems in order to get more podcast reviews. Chris tells the story of his worst Uber trip ever, and why he gave the rating he did for it. Plus why do we use Uber anyway? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report. It's Monday, the 8th of August, 2022, Charles Firth, Dom Knight and Chris Taylor with you. We're going to talk about advertising and reviews and all that kind of stuff. But before we do, here's a way you can avoid getting at least some of the ads, Charles. You're about to hear. You can go to chaser.com.com.com.com.com slash podcast. Pay money to not get ads like this one.

The Chaser Report. You know you can't trust. So, Charles, we haven't said this for a while, but we need to mention we do need some reviews on Apple Podcast. It helps the podcast be discovered. Yes. And also, all the reviews that are there at the moment are part of an elaborate in-joke from Sammy Shah

about leaving reviews about how great his podcast is, which is a good joke. Yes. But it's the only thing that's been on there for about two months now. So what you've got to do is leave a five-star review for us saying how great our show is. Yes. On Sammy's podcast.

Yes. News Weekly with an A, yes. And then leave a five-star review. A five-star review for us on our one as well, talking about how great we are. Yeah. Or you can criticise it just as long as it's five-star. The best reviews for me are the ones that absolutely lay into us while giving five-stars. Hang on, what's going on here?

You sound like Uber drivers who, when you get out, insist on a five-star rating. That's exactly what we are. But is there no integrity to the rating system of podcast? No, no, no, no. It's literally just people get on and do a podcast and then best. for five-star ratings. It's because everyone else does it. And what, that's the problem.

Because my... So if I tune into Ira Glass at the end of every episode is going, Anne, please give me a five-star rating. No, because, like, you've seen the prize of iceberg letters. My kids won't eat tonight if you don't give me a five-star review. What's the difference? You get more money if it's... Oh, yeah, because it's all about...

Yeah, it gets more listened. It doesn't mean you're getting more listeners. It just means you're getting more fake five-star. No, you go up the charts. Do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's all fake. because the one-star reviews aren't real either.

None of it's real. Oh, no. It's nice for you, Dommy, to think that the one-star reviews aren't real. I reckon they're real. Oh, no, some of them probably are. Whenever I give a one-star review, I mean it. The five-star reviews are done out of sufferance and because normally someone's guilted you into doing it,

such as we're doing now. Are you the Chris Taylor 469 who keeps giving us one-star reviews? I can't possibly comment on that. No, the ones that are real, I think, are the four-star reviews. which there's a few at the moment they're all about the pub show they're all going prefer the studio show to the pub show

that's why we're back in the studio right I've almost reached the point where you know for things like Airbnb where you don't trust the review because as someone who does reflectively just give five-star reviews to keep the piece and it's you know and it doesn't require nuance it's just yeah I had a good time five-star

but it obviously wasn't a five-star experience Like everything's sort of a three and a half four expect. But no one ever gives three and a half four. You either give one or five. Like the Harold 14 out of 20 thing on the food reviews. Yes. Like the podcast version of that is five stars, please. Just jump on there and help us out.

But I think that's because I think Uber changed the whole politics of that. Meaningless. A five-star review on Uber is meaningless. No, but the whole point was that if you give four-star, they lose their job. I know. Like, if they get below about 4.6. They lose their job. Yeah, it's 4.2.

Whatever it is. Gosh, it should be a shocking driver to get 4.2. And it only takes one fuck we do who had a bad experience to put a 1 or a 0, and their whole thing goes down and they're out of a job. I got that because in America, I took a very, very long Uber from the middle of Manhattan to somewhere in New Jersey where our friends were. It was like a $100 Uber or something like that. And it was a huge Uber.

It took ages. And I forgot to tip. Ooh. Because I forgot I was in America. Yeah. Like, I already paid what if it was $100 American dollars for this Uber. Like, that seemed like enough. But I didn't tip.

So this guy gives me like a one star. My average goes right down and I suddenly can't hail Uber's very much. It took me ages to mess up. So what I started doing was at the end of each Uber, I said to the guy. As the passenger, he'd say. You're the end of the ride. You're the only passenger asking for five-star review. No, at the end of the ride, I said, that was a five-star passenger.

I always now go. I did a vomit in your car? Surely five stars. Right. I say, thank you so much, five stars. I actually say, five stars from me. Thank you very much. As I go out.

To put in their mind. I don't you five stars, dot, dot, dot, therefore you should do. I'm scratching your back, lie about how enjoyable I was down in the Uber as well. Can I get your guys feedback? I have given every Uber, to the extent I rate, I don't think I even bother rating that. But in the days when you do it, when you sort of coerced it, it's always five stars. I've only ever once not given a five stars and I gave a three star rating

can I describe the fare to you and you rule on whether you think three stars was appropriate too generous not generous enough it was in Santiago in Chile and the guy went I needed a Uber from hotel to airport to leave the country

he did the entire highway at least double the speed limit at least double it times easily triple Were you in a rush? Did you say to him, I'm in a rush? I was early. I had nothing to do that day other than get to the airport. And no, there was no need.

There was no traffic. He just fanged. There was no traffic. Dangerously fanged. But he made what should have been a very safe, easy highway, dangerous by changing lanes where there was no cars to get around. Just it was a video game for it. And he was fanging, and the car was, you know, going very close to walls and stuff. I'm not, you know, like,

Andrew Hansen is a very nervous driver. That's not me. I'm pretty chill as a driver, but I was genuinely anxious that we were going to crash. So that was, at this stage, I'm still thinking five stars, just privately a bit snarkey about.

Wow, so that's the level where you even think about dropping. I'm still, you know, ultimately here to please. Then, what's the one thing you basically require your Uber to do, especially if you go into the airport? What's the only thing you're going?

Arrived at the destination. Arrive at the destination you put in. He decides that there's some sort of complicated fee and tax system for an Uber in Chile, that if you actually drop someone in the airport, it attracts an airport tax or something like that, which he didn't want to pay. So he thought it would be fine to drop me outside of the airport. What I didn't realize, you know, like airports are massive. But to be outside an airport still requires.

requires an eight-kilometer walk from where he's dropped me to the check-in. And on a highway, on roads that aren't, you know, pedestrian-friendly. But Chris, he'd got you there so quickly that you had all the time to do it. I definitely had time to do the walk. I just thought, you haven't really dropped me where I wanted to be dropped off. It was a dangerous walk. It was a long walk. So I, some friends I tell this story to and go, you gave him three?

I was trying to work the three were four. I thought, no, he still got me kind of to the airport, just not do the end. Like, is your only one star over you're going to be posthumous? Yeah, one you'd have to kill me. And I'd still come back from the dead to give one. Zero would be, I don't know, it didn't turn up or something. But yeah, what do you reckon? Was that, that's fine to give three for that, isn't it?

Like, if you're not dropped where you put the pin in. Yeah, I think three's generous. I would say three, except you're in a developing country. That was a piece. And this poor person. I had a bit of that guilt. It's maybe that's what it is. Maybe it's a one-star review with loading for your middle-class guilt.

Yeah. So five stars. Could be. Remind you. Reminds you the first time I took an hour, but I was quite worried about it. I thought this seems not safe. You never remember.

You never forget your first time. Yeah, because it seemed bizarre that random people would drive you. How would you know if you could drive? All that sort of stuff. Took me a while to get into it. The first trip to the airport was this guy who turned up in a little BMW hatchback. Like an incredibly kind of fast hatch. It was going to the air.

as you can score good cars. Yeah, you can get good cars. But this guy turns up, and he must have been new to Uber. He didn't have a mount for his phone. Oh, no. So what he did was he drove to the airport one-handed while holding the phone in his left hand as he drove. So he's powering around the bends, doing kind of one-handed turns. I mean, it was certainly exciting.

Did you offer to hold the phone? This was in the days you could sit in the front seat. I was in the back seat, which was, I mean. Pre-pandemic, you were back-send? Yeah. Oh, yeah. A good time. I wasn't sure, I wasn't, you know, I didn't know what the etiquette was.

In hindsight, I would have, he would have crashed. Taxis, are you front or back? I'm normally back. Pre-pandemic you're back. Is that unusual? Yeah. Yeah, it is. That's like, that's like stars.

That's like limo. That's been chauffered. Yeah. I thought it was real, I thought people like us went out of our way to sit in the front to show we're not the sort of people that would sit in the back. Yeah. To the annoyance of every taxi drive. who then is forced to speak to you.

Oh, they'd love you in the back, but you know, you need to look real and authentic. Egalitarian. But you both, you know, intersocial interactions on the basis that people will enjoy your company. I've learned better over the years. No, but, no, so I was in the back seat, and this guy, it was incredibly deadly.

And I had no, I think I gave him two stars or something. And I had no idea what it even meant, that it was like this cutting insult. Was it not illegal back then? Because, you know, like, Oh, it's totally illegal. There's cameras that now get you. You've never been allowed to hold your phone in your hand.

Yeah, right. I was just at traffic lights now if you'd text. But remember, Uber itself was illegal. It was illegal when it started in Sydney. Well, that's the genius of Uber. Well, maybe that was his rationale. If you're letting me pick this guy up, then you'll let me do anything. I mean, I'm in a criminal conspiracy.

Let's go the whole way. Snort lines off the dash. The Chaser report. More news. Less often. You know, like, every now and then, it's normally the Guardian. I think it was the Guardian. Every now and then they do these big investigations,

and it sort of takes up the main... If you log onto their website, there's like the first 20 stories. Yes. And it happened with the Panama Papers. The most recent one was something called the Uber Files, where there was a big international investigation into the way Uber operates.

And the Guardian drops this as like it's, you know, it's the Watergate. And it never, they never seem to cause any, what you'd call ripple effect to other news outlets where they think, oh, there's a story here, we'll all start reporting on it. They give it so much sell, and then there's no real consequence.

But the reason I bring it up is it was really interesting into how much money and effort and energy they put into lobbying governments, state governments to make it legal. And it was sort of a semi-story, I guess, in the insidiousness with which they lobbied Dan Andrews government to be lawful. And I don't think it's like appalling that state government's buckled to this.

I don't think you could argue they succumb to good lobbying or to bribes or anything. There's no suggestion of that. I think they just read the tea leaves that this was inevitable and the gig economy and all that stuff was here to stay. Therefore, the law should bend to recognise that. But the Uber spent so much money to get people to change the law, which is really interesting. Isn't this really unfair for drug dealers who've been just plugging away for a very long time? We also have a gig economy-based system.

They also have, like, dial and deliver, from what I understand. But also, unlike Uber, they're also profitable. Yes, that's right. They aren't massively losing money. And probably also... They're probably also looking into droid deliveries. And also, in the drug courier industry, there's real penalties of people who don't do a good job, from what I understand. But anyway, I talked to someone from Uber.

I actually interviewed someone on the radio back in the day who was... completely admitted, yeah, completely admitted that, yeah, we just sort of set up, we know it's not really allowed, but we hope that they'll change their mind. Why can't drug dealers say to the premiers, look, we know we're not technically legal, but we figure if we keep doing this, you're going to come around, because that's exactly what Uber did. Well, I guess they are kind of doing that. Like, they're doing it. I mean, not quite as publicly, drug dealers exist.

No, but they just need to put in, because I think the, they're lobbyists. The figure is Uber spends about $140 million, I think it was, on lobbyists. being per year, or at least at the moment that's there, which is a lot of money. That's a lot of money. That's almost one Uber Eats ad, starring Kim Kardashian and Rebel Wilson. I think that's about a gram of Coke in Sydney at the moment as well. How many stars do you leave for your dealer, by the way? Why, like, sort of semi-seriously on your point?

Yeah, why don't more people start doing things that they know to be illegal with the confidence that eventually it will be lawful. Like, I know now in all states, this is a slightly dark example, but a sister dying is now but it wasn't for many, many years. Well, I'm hoping that my, I'm hoping that my law will catch up with us eventually. Yeah. I'm hoping that my serial killing business will also work in that way. If I just keep on doing it, just keep you contract assassinate, I think eventually we'll

get there. If people oppose me, I'll take them out. But that's the, that was the Silicon Valley Venture Capital. I think break things. Yeah, disrupt and the law will catch up with ours. There was a period. Because Airbnb, same thing. That's true.

Yeah, yeah. Remember, in the very early days of ride share, and it was just Uber pretty much in the beginning. Remember there were police arrests and stuff? Like, there were kind of undercover cops were hiring Uber's and then arresting the driver. And then Uber. Happened for about only two months, and everyone has said, oh, okay, there's too many of them, it's too hard.

But also Uber came up with some elaborate system for identifying who the cops were. and banning their Uber accounts? If they were in uniform, they could be a cop. What was the system? I don't know. They used AI or something. They just sort of worked out. Oh, no, it comes from this IP address.

Hang on. So Uber brilliantly managed to triage who was under cover cop, but can't work out how to make money. Yeah. Okay. Jemble back when used to open Uber up, and there are all these cars crawling around on the map, and they're all completely faithful.

Yeah. It gave me this impression that it was massively popular. It's a very dodgy company. You probably shouldn't use them. Have you noticed? Well, this is why I think the, the Uber papers never really got past the Guardian, right? Because it wasn't a big shock.

Because all the internal emails, I mean, they were fascinating. But they were all things like the head of Uber saying, well, this is highly illegal, but let's do it anyway, right? And shocked to no one. That's what we've seen. No, we assume it was that. Well, also, the big mistake the Guardian made was opening up the comment section and everyone just was like, oh, five stars.

We want to have any of you guys noticed that Uber's way more expensive now? Like, the one point of difference. The reason we all pivoted from cabs to over was it was cheap. And the... And less smelly. Yeah, and the customer service, you know, the interface of the app was really, you know, it was pleasing. It was sort of fun to use and good.

I mean, you couldn't get a cab on your phone back then. All of that. And I, as someone who was, you know, not an Uber Apologist, but a regular user, I don't use them as much. No. I either use DiDi or I'm gone back to cabs. Yeah, right, the ride-o cab app is good, actually. Since the, well, also just the one three, the cancans, no surging. This is, like, what is this podcast?

If any of those people want to advertise, no of these people want to advertise, but you can't. It's true. And at Melbourne Airport, you know how Uber has taken over most of Melbourne Airport now? Yeah. And it is more expensive than walking a little bit further down and catching a cab. Yeah. Like, you should always catch a cab from Melbourne Airport. And is the reason, someone tried to explain the reason Uber's quite expensive.

Like, I'm talking about, like, double DID or, and it's certainly more expensive than cabs now, is that there's a bit like so many industries, like hospo and stuff, people have just stopped doing it. There's not as many drivers, so therefore, whenever you want an Uber, there's fewer of them around. So there's a surging kicks in. And I don't know why there aren't as many if people just decided. Because they're not getting paid well enough.

It's because there's a million jobs now. I mean, any cafe you go to, it's separate for staff. Like, if you were an Uber driver before, you can get a more secure job, presumably now. Yeah, I always thought a lot of Uber drivers that was sort of their second job, like kind of pocket money to top up whatever else they do. Not all of them. Some of them did it full time. But it's really interesting.

It's not the bargain. It certainly was. When Uber X first started, it was very impressive. But also the food delivery apps now are massively expensive. Like the menu prices are jacked up. There's a delivery fee and a service charge. It's incredibly expensive. And the person who's delivering it to you will probably pay their lives.

and that's even more costly. That's the crazy thing because we were talking about the Uber Eats ads which always is massive celebrities. Incongruously next to Australians. Yes. There's one with Paris Hilton and the Irwins.

That's a weird. It's a marriage I ever expected. I don't know which one of them's flomming it harder in that ad. If you were an Uber Eats driver and you're looking at the... You paid Paris Hilton what? And you can't pay me 12 bucks to deliver a pizza 10 kilometres?

I mean, it's really out of whack. And I guess it's about market. It's the Netflix model. where Uberit says we need to smash Deliveroo and menu log so we'll just put so much money into marketing and so little money into our actual drivers. Who aren't staff? They're just people who volunteered in their eyes.

It's sort of, I've never quite reached the point of being uncomfortable with it that I don't use it. But I'm not far off. Do you ever think twice about using Uber Eats? I don't know how I think using it. On ethical grounds? I now almost always just bring the restaurant and order pickup.

Right. Because I luckily lived near a lot of restaurants. And not only does the restaurant then get all the things, because Uber takes about 30%. 30%. Of the marked up price, because it's never the real price now. It's always cheaper, yeah. Do you reckon we've got any chance of getting Uber as a sponsor?

Well, change our tune if you do. Contact taker. No, it's true. I mean, it does seem incredibly dubious. And the really sad thing is you think of all the drivers there who are just trying to eke out of living. You know that in Uber headquarters, they're doing everything they can to fuck them all off and have drones and like driverless cars. Yeah.

Yeah, driverless cars would be the thing, right? I mean, we'll just wait until they get into podcasting. We're fucked. They'd be really good at it compared to us. Yeah, they would be very efficient. Our gears from road microphones, we're part of the A-Cars Created Network. Please leave us a fire star review, which is how we got into this whole conversation. Catch you next time.