The Chaser Report - Three Corners | Sally Warhaft

Episode Date: June 6, 2021

Because unfortunately the ABC withheld the fourth corner this week. Also, we discover why everyone's going to be rich, Charles has an exciting Hamilton ticket to give away, and Sally Warhaft brings professional journalistic integrity to our regular depressing crosses to Melbourne. Also featuring Rebecca De Unamuno with the most reliably unreliable news in podcasting. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report for Monday the 7th of June. Unfortunately, yet another day when Victoria remains under lockdown, Charles. Yeah, but Dom, Dom, there's big news this morning that's just great news for the whole world. Like enough to cheer up Victorians. Enough to cheer up the whole world. Haven't you heard? The company tax rates, the G8 have agreed that company tax rates should be taxed at a proper

You're upbeat because of tax policy, Charles? Yes, company tax. This day will go down in history. It's one of the great days. I mean, just listen to what the UK Chancellor said about this day. I'm delighted to announce that today, after years of discussion, G7 finance ministers have reached a historic agreement to reform the global tax system. So that's Rishi Sunak.

He seems pleased. You seem pleased. Yes, it's his story. Is this really going to actually do anything? Is it really going to, like, make sure that. those big, bad companies actually pay proper tax like we do? Facebook and Google, they're going to have to pay a sort of minimum rate of tax. And the thing is, they're going to have to pay it in the places.

So it's taxing the right companies and the right place at the right time. I think I've heard that before, Charles. So that the right companies pay the right tax in the right places. Okay, so you're just parroting Rishi Sunak at this point, Charles. No, but it is good. Like, if they can actually pay their fair share, then we'll be able to afford things like hospitals, schools and roads. Like, we'll all be rich.

Hang on, Charles. They're all paying this minimum rate of tax, but what is the rate? I would assume it would be, I don't know, 30 or 40%? Yeah, that sounds better, right? Well, I had a look at what it is. Have a listen to Rishi Sunak.

15%. It's 15%, Charles. 15%? Yeah, which means that as of tomorrow, Apple's going to put up its prices by... 15%. What? Fifteen percent. That's less than the fucking interns pay in tax.

Hey, hey, Zanda, what do you pay in tax, mate? What's your tax rate? You don't pay me anything. How can I pay tax? Oh, yeah. Shut up. Go away. Anyway. Let's say Zanda, he probably pays 30%.

You know, he's dull. Yeah. Charles, do you want to revise your position on how good this tax is? This is the right tax for the right time if you're a big company. And this has taken years. They've been talking about this for about seven years. And they came to the agreement after seven fucking years of negotiation that it would be 15%. What a waste of time.

Well, 15% is a whole lot better than nothing. Yeah, yeah. But you know what's even better than both of those? Revolution. Revolution, Tom. Let's get on with the podcast, Charles. We're going to take to the streets, Dom. We've got to make them scared of us.

We're going to take to the streets of Melbourne. We're going to talk to Sally Warhaft about how the lockdown is going. We're going to try and get a new angle from her in today's Melbourne cross. And we're also going to talk about how I've got a couple of tickets to Hamilton, and I've got one that I can give away. Really? Yeah, Hamilton. Yeah.

Unless people are in Melbourne. Yeah, unless they're in Melbourne, you're excluded. So we're coming up, but first of all. Let's go to Rebecca Dana-Muno in the Chaser Newsroom. Scott Morrison has denied reports linking him to QAnon beliefs, stating that's exactly the kind of smear he'd expect from the secret cabal of Satan worshipping pedophiles that run the world. New South Wales has joined with Victoria

to encourage the federal government to build dedicated quarantine facilities after 18 separate outbreaks caused by the hotel quarantine system. But a spokesperson for the coronavirus says it opposes the building of separate quarantine facilities and said that the Scott Morrison current approach of doing fuck all about anything was a great idea and there were no problems with it whatsoever. Victorian residents who have just endured the second weekend of their fourth lockdown have rallied around in support of poor Sydney residents who have been posting online non-stop about their struggles getting through some mildly chilly weather.

One Melbourneian who had not been outside since Wednesday said he was worried about his Sydney friend who had posted on Facebook complaining about about having to wear a jumper to the pub during the mild cold snap. The Melbourneian said he can't imagine how Sydney is getting through such adversity. That's the latest Chaser News, news that's reliably unreliable. I'm Rebecca Deunamuno. The Chaser report is brought to you by that guy who constantly interrupts you at work. What you were doing probably wasn't important anyway.

That guy who constantly interrupts you at work. Hide your single-use plastics. Because Craig's here. So Craig's joined us and so has our intern Zander. Hello. And I just want to tell you guys about a little bit of a stuff up I had during the week with some tickets, all right? Oh, hang on.

You had a stuff up this week? Yeah. Okay. Is that why Dom's on here? Did you kill Dom accidentally? Sorry. Did you kill Dom? No comment about that.

But that wouldn't be a stuff at any. So, no, no, so I bought some tickets, right, for me and my wife to go to Hamilton, right? And this was, I just got in with the sort of first thing, like American Express or something, and had a deal with Visa or something. And so I got a pre-sale, like, last September, right? And she kept on asking, oh, when is it? And, you know, I couldn't be bothered finding out. And then I finally find out, oh, wait a minute, it's this Thursday.

and she's away, right? And I've completely forgotten to tell her and everything like that. Like, I've stuffed up, right? And she's so angry at me for stuffing up the thing. Just tell her it's all rap and she won't understand. It'll be fine. Yeah, it's right, yeah. Anyway, so I've now got this spare, all week.

I've had this spare Hamilton ticket to, you know, to go out with somebody, right? And the whole point is that that is a valuable ticket. Like everyone wants, like the aftermarket is extraordinary. like it's a you know it's the hottest ticket in town right yeah i mean because because if you were to sell that on the internet what are you talking what kind of level you oh i think it'd be like 500 bucks so you 500 bucks for the ticket if you sell it on the internet yeah and if you then say you get to sit next to charles that's that's uh 120 that would drop the 120 i would think we'd drop it down to 300 actually i know i'd have to pay 120 dollars to them yeah yeah no so anyway i don't want to

just waste it on anyway. Like, I don't want to waste on a close friend or a work colleague or someone. Or one of your two children. Yeah.

So I've been putting out feelers with all my sort of quality friends. Like, you know, the people who sort of, you don't catch up with it much, but,

you know, what do you mean is the quality? Is their quality that they could give you something like, like is this for quid pro quo? What's the... No, this is like, you know,

like good conversationless, you know, just the sort of better friend. I noticed no call. No call. The people you'll be having good chats with over the four hours that Hamilton's playing.

People you don't see often. But I'm also sort of being a bit contingent about, like, oh, well, you know, I might have a ticket available, you know, just still working it out. Just checking. It's interesting, your text didn't come through to me, Charles. Anyway, so last night, having offered the ticket to somebody, I, which, unfortunately, it was Mark Humphrey. Oh, man, he beats me in that, too. Sorry. So I look at, I look at them up to.

like, you know, print them out. And I've only, back in last September, I only bought one ticket. I accidentally only bought one ticket. I never had a ticket to get away anyway. Oh, that is so good. So thank Christ, my wife, he's away. Oh, my God.

Also, thank Christ, you totally, like, I don't know, catfished at Humphreys and got him all excited. Oh, because he loves musicals. He's got his own musicals Twitter account. You've got him that excited. I know. And then crushed him like that.

Oh, brutal. That is the best way to buy tickets, though. I think the worst part in life is having an extra ticket. You spend two days calling lots of people. Yeah. End up settling on Humphreys. You feel so dejected as well if you can't find someone. You're like, I'm the loneliest person around.

Exactly. I mean, not that he asked either of us, and I mean, that's fine. I know. It's fine at all. It's fine. The Chaser Report, news a few days after it happens. So, of course, the big, and possibly the only story out at the moment is still that Melbourne is enduring. They went through their second weekend of lockdown.

Yeah, I think we're now on the umpteenth day of the millionth lockdown in Melbourne today. And I'll tell you what, there's a terrible problem, even worse than for the people of Melbourne, is the people here in Sydney, like us, who have to come up with a fresh angle each day. I know, we've done what, four live crosses to Sammy and James down in Melbourne. We've got to talk to somebody new and get a new angle. Do you know any, like, reputable journals? Well, I think... Let's cross to Sally Warhaft.

She's the sort of unelected mayor of Melbourne, really. Yeah, official, unelected Lord-esque mayor of Melbourne. And a journalism guru, hey, Sally. Hey, Tom. Hi, Charles. So we're desperate for a fresh take on Melbourne's lockdown. Can you help us out? I'm so sorry you're struggling so much there in Sydney,

thinking of your fresh take. Well, the year. The year is fresh. You know, it's 2021. It's a fresh new winter. And I suppose the really tiny little reprieve that they've given us this lockdown are things like the playgrounds are open. And I've been locked up for most of the last, well, more than a year now, with my six-year-old twins. Oh, gosh.

Which is, oh, it's just like having newborns again. on my own with my six-year-old twins who were doing prep last year. So I've got a new curriculum this year at grade one. So that's fresh and new. There's a lot of alcohol being drunk at the playground. A lot of parents just hanging around safely, socially distanced in their puffer jackets, openly drinking. Do you slip some to the twins?

Does that help with bedtimes? No, no, they're good sleepers. That's the only thing that I've got in real order with them. I mean, a lot of the energy, I think, from all parents in the lockdown is taken up by, you know, keeping your kids happy and keeping things as vaguely normal as you can. But why would you? Things are miserable.

Shouldn't you just be inflicting that on your children, isn't that? That's my style of parenting. Yeah, it's like sort of survival. It's just every day. day is a, it's pretty awful. This is the opposite of a fresh tape. This is exactly what Sammy Shah said. Exactly what changed.

I'll tell you what's new. There's no Donald Trump anymore. That's a really big difference. Last year, I remember every morning waking up and, you know, those futile moments before you remember there was a killer global pandemic going on. And then suddenly you would remember that Donald Trump was looking like he could win a second term. So there's some anxiety.

that's gone from that sort of... Yeah, but also humour, surely, Sally. Like when you wake up and discover that he's seriously advocated bleach as a treatment for COVID, I mean, that must have made even a fairly bleak day in Melbourne last year more livable. Well, I think, you know, probably Melbourneians look for anything on offer as a possible solution, but no, I didn't give the kids any bleach. I get it locked away.

Now, when the media sort of suggests that maybe they might alleviate, things. Is that more or less torturous? I mean, how are you feeling with this? Well, we're used to this. And I think that basically in Melbourne, I reckon most people just probably believe that lockdown is the normal state. I'm pro-lockdown, you know, when there's COVID around. I don't want to let loose, but, oh, you know, it's just miserable. And, you know, it is that feeling that it's just never going to end. Yeah, well, we haven't really got a fresh take from you. Yeah, I really don't.

And I mean, I've noticed that this lockdown, you see more people walking alone for their daily exercise. I was thinking about why, you know, it's the one time of the day where you can meet up with a friend, one friend. I reckon people have, they just can't even be bothered phoning a friend anymore because there's nothing to talk about. only allowed one friend, are you? Does it have to be the same friend each day, or? No. I knew I belonged in Melbourne. Yes.

I can be a different friend each day, and in fact, you know, that's 14 friends, isn't it? Does that make things awkward? Like, you ring up somebody and they've already done their walk with somebody else that day. Well, yeah, except mostly they haven't because they're just too exhausted to even walk. or you just need some, you know, time on your own. This is just horrible. Well, it's miserable. I can't give you anything good on it.

You know, I think we'll be the only generation of parents who on our deathbed don't lament about spending more time with our children. There you go. That's the angle. Well, thank you for giving us just a couple of minutes inside into the 24-7 misery of being in Victoria right now. I've got another six days. We're not going to end yet, are we?

But we have to leave you, Sally, because we're going off to the pub with some friends. You've got a life to live, miserable bastard. Thanks, Sally. Enjoy. Have one for us, guys. Yep, we will. Tonight on three corners, a story we rapidly cobbled together instead of the piece we were going to run about the connections between the Prime Minister and a craze conspiracy theory cult.

Scott Morrison, nation's leader. I'm standing at the very orphanage that Scott Morrison personally saves during the 2019 bushfires, even while he was also holidaying in Hawaii at the exact same time. An explosive investigation. We can now exclusively reveal that Scott Morrison's put us not just in front of the queue, but in front of the front of the queue for vaccine delivery. Which includes never before reported details about which Bunning specials our nation's leader is going to buy next.

Sources are suggesting there's an unbeatable special on a brick pizza oven. That's three corners. Approved by the ABC Board tonight on ABC. That'll save our funding, right? We were talking about corporate tax rates earlier. Do you have to remind everyone? And at the risk of excitement overload, I now want to just talk about the new New South Wales opposition leader for a second,

who nobody knows his name. Hang on, Charles, weren't you supposed to be the New South Wales opposition leader? I distinctly remember this time last week, to campaign. I am not taking questions at this time, Dom. That's a matter. I've, I quit that race in order to spend more time with my family. I don't believe that. As much I like your family. Anyway, yeah, so there's a new New South Wales opposition leader. I think he came there on Friday after the old opposition leader, who's nobody could remember her name either, resigned. It's so much easier when you don't know their names.

Yeah, I know. Which brings me to a new quiz, Dom, which is called opposition leader or 17th century master artist. Right. So the idea for this quiz, very simple, I'm going to read out a name and you've got to tell me whether they are an opposition leader of a state government in New South Wales, like one of the states or territories in New South Wales. Hang on, hang on, that doesn't make sense. I'm going to read out a name and you're going to read out a name. and you have to tell me whether they're an opposition leader of one of the states or territories in Australia

or a 17th century master artist, right? Okay, so first one, Clara Peters. Is that an artist or an opposition leader? That sounds like one of those artists in exhibitions about people you should have known about who didn't get famous enough at the time. Yes. So you're saying it's...

I'm saying it's an artist. Correct, that's right. She was born in 1594, and she was a sort of Flemish artist. She was Belgian, Spanish and Dutch painter, so there you go. I bet we don't know a single opposition leader's name from the 1500s. Yeah, okay. Okay, next one. David Chrysafi.

David Chrysafi. Is that an opposition leader? Pretty confident you don't know how to pronounce that name, Charles. Yeah. Well, on the law of averages, I think it's an opposition leader. You are correct. Yes. And he's right that he is the Queensland

opposition leader for the LNP. To be clear, I have no idea who this person is. Needed, do I. Okay, the next one, Dom, is Dom Theo Tocopoulos. A dom? Dom, Theo Tocopoulos. Oh, Dom. I'm pretty confident, given my life experience,

there's never been a Dom who was a master artist of anything. So I reckon it's an opposition leader. You are incorrect. No, yes. That was, his name was also known as El Greco. Oh! Yes. I've actually learned of El Greco.

Oh, I see any Greek name. Okay, there you go. Yeah, okay, I'll give you one last one, John. One last one. All right. Is this opposition leader or 17th century master artist? Chris Mins. Mins.

Chris Mins. Can I take neither? You are incorrect. He's the New South Wales opposition leader. And you have. have just lost opposition leader or 17th century

master artist. Dom, you're a hopeless political commentator slash 17th century art. I feel fine. I feel fine actually, child. Thank you. Let's never play this game again.

Yeah, I can see why you thought it'd be a good idea. Well, that's it for this episode of the Chaser Report, but don't miss tomorrow's episode when we get a new, new angle on the lockdown in Melbourne. Oh, the freshest of fresh new angles ever.

Although I think she sadly came up with quite a fresh angle. It was. I didn't know what we're going to do tomorrow, though. For more news, chaser.com.com. You follow us on socials. Please leave us a five-star review in the Apple podcast app. Live if you have to, maybe Charles will give you Hamilton tickets. And if, oh, yeah, no, well, I definitely won't.

I can do you now. That's definitely not going to happen. But also, if you want to give us money, you can go to chaser.com. You can go to chaser.com, dot,u, slash, support, and help keep this bloody podcast alive. I think that's a better. pitch to make at the start of the episode. Thanks to ride microphones for our gear and we're part of the ACAST creator network. See ya.