The Chaser Report - Tinder's Weird New Elon-Musk-Style Update

Episode Date: October 2, 2023

Dom and Charles, self-titled champions of "the apps", give a breakdown on how Tinder has shot itself in the cock with it's new pay-to-creep update. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. And Dom, I've got some bad news. Really, what's happened? Are you ever on the apps? Oh, I'm on apps. I mean, you know, I spend a lot of time, probably too much time on my phone.

While I'm into minding my children, I'm sort of doing it with half an eye. Well, I'm actually just, I don't know, doing Twitter or something. Twitter? X, X. No, no, no, no, I'm doing, like, the apps. What do you mean by the apps? You know, like Bumble and Tinder. Oh, dating apps?

And Hinge. Hinge. I've always thought Hinge is an odd name because is it the opposite of unhinged? What's going on there? Is that a promise that no one you meet there will be unhinged? Oh, look, I speak, it was huge confusion when Hinge first launched because I thought it was to watch Fox Tell. Well, you're pro-binging generally in certain areas of your life.

Yeah, that's right. So anyway, I got a bit of an update on Tinder because they're ruining the app. They've completely ruined the app. I'm so sorry to hear that. More after this. Now, as you know, I'm a happily married man. Sure. And so are you.

Sure. So this is of no interest to me. None. None. None at all. So I've actually never used Tinder. Oh, really? At one point, I downloaded it out of interest.

Just because... Out of interest? No, but everyone's going to... Is that what you told your wife? But I then was like, no, I shouldn't even have downloaded it. And I'd just delete it without. even opening it. Everyone was going swipe left, swipe right.

And I didn't know, I didn't understand what was going on. Oh, yeah, that hard to grasp concept. You had to get on the app. I felt like there was a moment of culture that I was missing out on. But in any case, I've never actually opened Tinder. I don't even know what the interface looks like. Yeah, I only use Tinder for the articles. Right.

So anyway, no, no. So this is all just purely for research purposes. But I mean, I know that for many years, I don't know if it's still the case, but certainly the vast majority of single people that I know were meeting people on Tinder. Oh, everyone. The place to go. Yes, and not only that, but, like, if someone breaks up with anyone nowadays, like, even people, our age, who was sort of, frankly, old, ugly and completely passed their prime.

And you would think finished. But then they get on these apps. And it's not necessarily always Tinder. I think hinge or, I don't know, which people do talk about Bumble, yeah. Yeah. And you just get tons of sex. It's just like sex city. It is just like the universe to the very moment that I settled down.

It doesn't unleashes these apps. Anyway, so Tinder has released a new level of membership. So the whole way, so when Tinder first launched, I don't think it made any money at all, did it? Well, I assumed it mustn't have because everyone seemed to be honest in a way that. Because dating apps went back when, like before I settled down, I did try a few of the kind of internet dating things. And they were all incredibly expensive and awful.

Like you wouldn't mean anybody and they wanted a lot of money. So they went nowhere. I know that some struggling millennials now, not millennials, Gen Zs now use Google Docs as the way of doing it. Seriously? Yeah.

So what you do is you set up a Google Doc which lists all the things that you like about yourself or your interest and things of that. And then you advertise the link to the Google Doc. Bizar.

I know. It's so... It's kind of low-fi. Do they then comment? Next, they'll be printing it out and then they'll be handwriting it and then we'll be back to sort of... I've got a sheaf of A4

if you're interested in dating me. And then they'll be going to bars. It'll be really weird. That doesn't work. No. that for many years. Either that or it's just when you're a massive

wallflower or introvert. It's not advisable. So what they've done is they've introduced Tinder select. Wasn't that a point of Tinder selecting people left and right?

Like how can you select more than the platform that they already had? Well, what you do is you pay $499 US dollars a month. What?

And you get a little select label which you can put, it's like the verified but it's like a blue tick but for Tinder users. So if you want to know that somebody's a rich wanker

right, you can see and if you want a date. How extraordinary. So if you're only interested in somebody who has 500 bucks a month to just blow on this, then it filters them down. Yes, that's right. Wow.

So, because it really is. It offers very little by way of actual features. What does the bags look on? On the sort of peacock feather. Well, you'd want it to look pretty fucking good, I think. If I'm browsing through Tinder, what's the little icon that goes,

this person's paying 500 bucks a month for this stupid shit? Apparently just says select. Select. Yeah. Just says select. And the marketing people at Tinder. have told TechCrung that the reason they're doing this is to, they're targeting Gen Z dollars. Right.

Well, there's certainly targeting dollars. Yeah, but the idea of Gen Z dollars is so weird because my understanding is of every Gen Z I've ever employed is they're always incredibly bright, mainly because I've employed them. Yeah, and generally speaking, the universe stopped going forwards with their generation. The idea that every generation would do better than the generation before, they're the exception. It should be like four cents a year.

They're the ones that are kind of crushed. But you know what? All that's telling me, Charles, is that the people who've got Tinder Select have inherited wealth because that's the only way you can get rich when you're in Gen Z. And then they probably have terrible mummy or daddy issues. Yes. So if you're after someone with terrible mummy or daddy issues, then just go for the select people. But no, but this is the whole thing.

So what is then the advantage, right? And there's one other feature that comes with it, which is you get to contact two people per month whom you haven't matched with. Oh. So the whole thing is, you know how the sort of best part about Tinder

was that both people have to swipe right? Oh, okay. And then... So you're both basically there's this pre-selection. You're basically both consenting to contacting each other.

What they've done is dating app has eliminated the need for consent. Oh, wonderful. So, and I feel like Tinder have sort of really lost the way there because for a brief moment,

There was a certain beauty to the Tinder model. But you know that anyone you were messaging had sort of preliminarily said, yeah, okay, sure. Yeah, exactly. Like, it was a sort of forum for sleazy men to gain some modicum of consent before they sent dickpicks to unsuspecting women, yes. So, Charles, it's very clear. And they've ruined that. They've ruined that. They've ruined that.

They've made a massive mistake. Yes. Because if this new product is a product whereby people who are incredibly wealthy are able to just, ignore consent, it should be called Tinder Russell Brand. Like, that's, that's, they should have him as the spokesperson for this. It should just be called Hollywood. Basically, in Tinder's defense, they're saying they're not allowing everyone to even apply for Tinder select.

Like, you can't just rock up with your $4.99 a month. Oh, so they select the selectees. Exactly. And they're claiming that it's, there's a strict criteria and that less than one percent of Tinder users will meet this criteria, but then they told... How many Tinder users would have wanted to pay for it to begin with? Like, no one has that sort of money. It's sort of self-selecting, isn't it?

I mean, Charles, there's a basic principle of life here that I've tended to sort of adopt in the past few years, which is, could Harvey Weinstein do this? And yes, he would be one of the ones that you can't tell me they wouldn't have approved Harvey. Yes, of course. And if it's a system Harvey Weinstein could have exploited, it's a bad system. Yes. But, no, so the criteria, I've got them here.

Oh, yeah. Which is, you've got to have at least four photos that include your face. Right. So it's very, very select. Like, this is not everyone. So it's not just sort of, so your profile has to include four sort of face. Showing your face four times, that might have ruled Harvey out. I'm not sure.

Well, if they include the sort of jail mug shot, you know. Yeah, it's true. The other criteria are that you have to have. at least four interests listed in your profile and at least two sentences. Wow. This is really... It's so thorough. This is dating...

Four interests. Four interests and two sentences describing you. You can't just click on it and go, jicks. It's not just for sex, Dom. This is for full-term commitment. Like, imagine the amount of effort that you have to go to, to jump through those hurdles to be eligible for Tinder Select. That just cuts out 99% of Tinder users.

Normally people in that price bracket, don't they just slap down their black Amex and they don't need interests or two sentences. Yeah, exactly. So actually, maybe it will work. Maybe, you know, this is... The Chaser Report, news you know you can't trust. Charleston, we know people who've gotten married through Tinder.

I think we do. I think surely there are some Tinder weddings that we might have been to that we didn't even know because you don't... You don't... Yes, you meet people. Well, I know. I know several people.

We have very close friends who have long-term relationships based off the apps. There's one friend of ours who got divorced a couple of years ago, and then he got on the app, and within 10 minutes of, and it was Tinder, 10 minutes of downloading this app and starting to swipe right, he'd matched with somebody, then had a date with her, they then both deleted the apps, and they're still, they just bought a house together. And they've got a mixed family, you know, who I'm talking about?

I might. I might do. Yeah, I might too. Wow. Which is sort of amazing. Like, he literally, he'd been married for 20 years, spent 10 minutes on the abs, and he ended up a much happier put... Hang on.

With this person... With this person that made it through this Tinder Select criteria? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, definitely. He's got at least four interests. There you go. Wow.

Look, you know, I mean, this has made me somewhat relieved that... This is not a world that I have to be. be part of for the time bank because can you imagine how annoying it would be to just be in there going

oh I just hope this person likes me and then some swipe on the select person who's paid 500 bucks a month or you don't even need to swipe

like the select person Oh they just contact you like literally if you think of it as a sort of real life dating system is like being at a bar you're chatting to this lovely person who you're just

really getting along with they've got four interests you counted them off in your head yeah they've said two 17 In two sentences, you've seen them from four different angles. And that's all you need to have sex, someone from what I'd say. That's right.

You just may as well get into bed back. And then this rich cockhead who's inherited all his money swoops in with his own four interests. I mean, it would be horrible. It would be heartbreaking and soul destroying. Would it be consistent with the way that the world works off Tinder? Yes, it would. Yes. Absolutely would.

But I think there's sort of something fundamentally going wrong with our. culture where every time something reaches an equilibrium of, you know, sort of enjoyment to shitness ratio sort of starts working. Like even Tinder, it was a hellfire, but it was our hellscape. You know, like it was, you know, like, and I mean, even Facebook for a brief moment sort of scraped your data shore. Yeah, it was okay. It was quite useful for a while, then you're able to sort of, you know, connect with, you know,

exes and then have illicit affairs with them and stuff. I used to get invited to events on Facebook. I used to actually, like, you know, at this time of year, there used to actually be things on that I was invited to on Facebook. I assume that they're still on and I'm just not invited because the invitations are not sent through. I think you've slipped out of the demographic that uses Facebook. Yes.

I think you've got to be over the age of 77. It's true. Yeah. No, look, but Charles, all that needs to happen to Tinder is what happened to my favorite social platform of Twitter, which is that Elon Musk will buy it and fix it, which will make it absolutely. And this has already happened. The idea that someone with lots of money gets special privileges,

it's exactly what happens with Twitter, where every new account, the first person that they suggest you follow is Elon Musk. And they've tweaked the algorithm so that more users see his tweets. Like, if you haven't blocked Elon, you see his tweets. Yeah, see, I've muted him. So basically what this means is that he's going to buy this thing. And the first question when you log in,

every woman of childbearing age will be, do you want an Elon Musk child? Like, that's going to be the first. He is the market for Tinder Select, isn't he? He's like Tinder Ultrasy. Yes. Although I don't think he doesn't have four interests. Yeah, that's true. You don't have, you don't have, um, to pay 500 bucks a month, you just have to buy the whole company. God. Okay. So, look, are you going to use it?

Are you going to try it out? No. No. Because they've got a, they've got a, they've got a into like discount select tier as well. Oh, really? Which is like, $2,495. But I don't think you get the select badge, 2495. But I would have thought that anyone would, like, if you'd see this like badge, you'd be like, well, this person's terrible. I'm not going to click on that. Yeah, it would be like a blue. Yeah, it would be like a blue. checkmark on Twitter now. Yeah, on X, yeah. Okay.

Well, I'll tell you what, just for research purposes, I'll download it as well. Check it out. I'll let you know. Here's the thing. I mean, being single was always hellish and unpleasant for me, but it's nice to know that this can now occur in a completely new high-tech way. Yeah. But if you want to check out my Google Doc, it's at Google.com slash Charles's Docks.

Charles's Big Big Doc. Cut that out, Lachland. No one needs to. else's big doc. Our gears from Road. We are part of the iconic class network. I'm just still reeling from what you just. Maybe the chaser should set up its own dating out.

Yeah, and it would be a mark of being incredibly poor. But you'd have lots of interests. Just call it desperate.com. Yeah, desperado. It's probably available. Yeah.