The Chaser Report - Tired Of Winning Wars

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

Trump said he expects the war with Iran to be over in a couple days, however Charles is optimistic the military industrial complex will always find a way to keep the missiles flying. Plus, would anyone be willing to buy CNNNN?---Listen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigle Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to another wartime edition of The Chaser Report with Charles and Dom. And it is day three of the war without a name yet. The Epstein War is the name that's been given on the Chaser Report podcast feed, and I think that's as good a name as any. Yeah, I think it is certainly carried out by the Epstein class. As we speak some breaking news, Charles, US planes have been shot down. Well, really? Wow. That's pretty good.

By friendly fire. By friendly fire. And the US pilot was forced to activate his parachute. It was shot down over Kuwait. They think it was friendly fire. The US Air Force, slightly missing. And if you thought that a multi-faceted war across much of Iran was not enough, then I have good news for you.

Israel is considering a ground invasion of Lebanon. Of Lebanon. Of Lebanon, yes, right? Yeah, yeah. Now, when I say, oh, that's good, I mean, it's good in terms of, like, interesting, not good as in terms of like, I don't want anyone to die. Well, then you're out of luck because 115 civilians apparently in Iran so far. Nine people in Israel since the herald.

This is so depressing. Can we just have some ads? Ads will change everything. And I should also note three US military personnel who Donald Trump has vowed to avenge. So we'll see how that goes. but not in the rest of the podcast because during the ad break, we will quickly hustle to find something else because Charles, there's not actually much in the way of new news about this.

No, no. And particularly news that deserves a fresh satirical take after yesterday's episode. So, Don, Charles. I was trying to explain to my kids that the war is terrific television because they said, oh, we should turn on the television and watch the war, right? And they were getting very confused. Was their first question, what's the television?

Yes, exactly. Like I said, you know, like so on a news channel, there's a news channel, it's a cable news channel, or news 24, and then you watch it and you get all the footage. And my eldest was just going, why don't you just go online and just watch all the good bits there? On TikTok. Yeah, that's much better curation. The whole thing has changed from our day when the whole point in having a war was partly to boost the ratings of all the networks. And I assume you mean, Charles, when you say news 24, you've caused for a lot. to Sky News. Sky News, as it's now called News 24. But, look, we should talk about this because there's a lot happening in the TV world as well, which we need to get to with Paramount slash Skydance slash the Ellison family. Yes.

Buying out Warner Brothers and CNN. So the network that brought us the war in our lounge rooms back in Gulf War I in the, what was it, 1991 or whatever it was. Yes. Yeah, that's going to be owned by Team Trump, essentially. Yes, exactly, because Larry Ellison, of course, the evil. billionaire database owner, who I'm sure we talked about a couple of weeks ago about this deal. But the whole one is, part of the deal is buying CNN will allow them.

I love that you added extra inset. Yeah, sorry. Can we sell them CNN and N. Actually, can we sell them S&N and S. They'll pay for that? They want to turn it into a sort of Fox News style channel. That's the whole intended purpose. Can we package up some clips from Sien and Ninn and we're talking about how great

bush is and the shush for bush and all this stuff? And can we say to them, look, there's an. an Australian outfit that should be part of the deal that somehow slipped through the due diligence. Yes. It'll cost a couple. Because they keep adding extra billions to this deal. Yeah. I think one billion is all we can ask for.

I think when you're buying out the means of thought production, you can sort of, it doesn't matter. Like, no one cares how much it costs. Like, Masked Port Twitter, which was probably worth a fifth of 40. Yeah. If not less. It bought it for $44 billion. Because actually there's enough sort of. of the Epstein class who like to have everything controlled.

But, Dom, I want to focus on completely different news today. Oh, okay. Because we've got a listener submission from J.T. Who's often full of submissions. I'll just note that Paramount's paying 110 billion US dollars for those assets, which nobody thinks they're worth other than Paramount. And in fact, Netflix, I think it was the shortest board meeting in corporate history. Yes.

Netflix were like, not matching that. look forward to collapsing under the weight of your own debt. Yeah. Anyway. So no, J.T. because there is a lot happening, isn't there? And JT's been keeping us across the machine developments. Yes.

They'll throw in the tech well. So the interesting thing, and this is not really welcome to the future. Well, it is welcome to the future. But it's sort of more welcome to the hellscape of the future, which is we don't have to worry about the war dom. Oh, I say. Because in 50 years time, we're all going to die. Oh, I haven't said.

I didn't actually open that email yet. Yeah. So a bit of a bummer. Like if you're sort of thinking, oh, well, you know, the war will end at some point. Maybe the point is it doesn't really matter whether it does or not because. I will say this, Charles, it does mean that there's an end to the podcast at some point in 50 years. See, it's not all bad news. In 2076, that's the ultimate date.

I mean, you'll be 100. I'll be nearly 100. Well, the thing is, it may get more and more popular as we get to that date. Oh, yeah. It's one of the effects. So these scientists in a recently published paper in Springer Nature, Alexander Larkham and Phil Beerworth, they did a study about the effects of the rising levels of carbon dioxide on human biology, right?

And human blood, basically. And turns out, once you reach about 800 parts per million, which is about what's going to happen in 50 years time, Right. All these terrible things happen to your blood. So, for example, it's something to do with, like, calcium buildup and bicarbonate buildup and things like that. Really? But essentially what it is.

I've got my son to do. Are we sort of ossify? Is that what happens? It makes your blood acidic. Oh. Which is apparently not very good for your blood. And, you know, like, that's why you take antioxidants. You know how you take vitamin C and stuff like that?

I don't. Should I? Should I get on that right now? Well, maybe you should. Probably should. Because you'll need that. But more to the point, it's not just that. It's fucking hilarious.

So once you start reaching about a thousand parts per million, which could well be, you know, in 50 years time, we're talking brain damage. And the thing is, like, we will have lived just a little part of our life. So it probably won't, you know, like, you'll just be on the way down anyway. They won't be able to tell the decline from all the other. But they're sort of going, look, if you're a fetus and you're coming into a, an atmosphere that's like 800 parts per million of carbon dioxide, then, you know, like,

there's a whole lot of lifelong problems you're going to face on a health basis. Well, I don't know, Charles. I feel this is a little bit of a nays saying, doom saying, because you're forgetting one thing that'll probably make it all fine. Yeah. If I'm really honest, I mean, yes, okay, carbon dioxide in the blood, it sounds bad. Yeah. But you're not factoring in the protective effect with the microplastics.

It'll be like a giant umbrella. Yeah. For our blood. Yeah. MicroPostics will shelter us from the car. That's what I'm planning to happen. So. They stick themselves into a giant raincoat of sorts.

Because I must say, I didn't, like, I sort of thought, you know, like, you know how they say, when you're in a car, you should probably not have it on recirculating. If you're in the car for a few hours, make sure. CO2 level go up. Yeah, the CO2 level will actually rise. And I thought that's a bit, that's a bit stupid. But these researchers are basically saying things like, if you work from home, home and you don't have like proper air conditioning and you just indoors all day,

it can actually have genuine effects on your brain activity. Really? I thought it was just boredom and easy distraction. There's actually a medical reason why working from home is bad for you. But the whole point is, you know, at the moment, you can just literally open the window and then get your CO2 levels down. Rule that one out. Yeah.

In, like literally in 50 years time, it's going to be like we're all stuck in a fucking car recirculating the CO2 for our entire lives. Do you know how it's going to be? So the point is, just to put it into a larger context, do we like, maybe the point is the war doesn't matter as much. I mean, well, the one thing we know about the war is that there's lots of explosions, meaning lots of carbon in the atmosphere. And also it's for oil.

Like, it's clearly, it's all about the oil. No, I've got to say, I know you're all very lefty and rah, rah, rah, and, you know, going on precious marches in your brain as you record this thing. But this thing where every US invasion is for oil is such a hackneyed leftist trope. Like this goes back to the 90s and the first got, no blood for oil, the first got oil. No, this is what I was saying. It's such a boring plot line. I mean, we've done that. Yes.

It actually had to tell me Venezuela has a lot of oil supplies. Iraq has, where else did they? Now, there was no oil in Vietnam. To be fair. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. They got done to. The other place that has lots of oil is Canada.

That's the number of... Oh, yes. Because I saw the list today. It's Venezuela is number one at the moment. Then Iran, I think, maybe. And then Iraq. Well, no, maybe the U.S. Saudi is up there too.

And then Canada's number four. So, yeah. Like... So you're saying that if you do a map of where there's lots of oil and a map of where the U.S. is invaded. It's basically the same map. I mean, to be, it is ironic that they could have, everyone could be on EVs by now. Elon Musk spent a few months in government.

The one thing he didn't manage to do was get everyone driving EVs. Like, what's the guy doing? The Chaser Report. More news. Less often. Did you see what's happening in China? No. So the...

To be fair, the answer to that question could be literally anything. Yeah, that's right. So now 12% of all vehicles in China are EV. And what that's meant is that for the first time just in the past 12 months, the consumption of petrol has dropped by 5%. Really? Yes. Energy security. The actual trajectory and the EVs are booming right there.

So locally produced EVs, yeah. So whereas, yeah, it's Groundhog Day for the USA. It's literally back to 1970s, Petro, State sort of like, let's invade and. and liberate. Do you know what that level of EV take-up means as well in a population once you get to kind of 12 percent? And that's what the new car is. You become wankers.

No, it's actually the opposite. Oh. It's actually, it means any dinner party conversation. Yeah. Nobody's going to talk about how great their EV is because everyone's got one. Oh, you've passed the threshold. It's gone past the swanker threshold. The wanker threshold.

The wanker peak. Oh my God. I can't wait for that to happen. There's no edge anymore in talking about how your car is so amazing. Everyone should get one. Yeah, fuck. The early adopter we know. So it just becomes de rigour.

Yeah, it's just uninteresting. Yeah. Which it always was. Yeah. No, it's, that's very positive. Aren't there now in China induction charges where you just sort of park in a spot and it automatically charges? I don't know. Well, look, there's a lot of innovation going on.

And I'm sure that's one of it. The one that I love is the 1,500-wok kilowatt, charges. It's called flash charging, which suggests that, like, you know, you get exploded in a flash of electricity. But either that or it's just another thing that comes back to Jeffrey Epstein. But it's literally like, it's literally like a few seconds and it fills up your battery and it goes to 97%. So literally you just put it on this charger. And there's now, they've just started rolling out a few. And one of the things that's happening is only kind of. So any brand of car can use them.

Yeah. But only cars that are capable of more than a thousand kilowatt charging. That's crazy. Can do it. Now, just to put that in context, the fastest charger in Australia, I think, is 150. Is it a kilowatt? No, it's about 300. Oh, 300, right.

Okay, so there's a few 300, which is the Tesla charges. Yeah, there's a few. There's two 50s. I think AMP is too. There's a bunch of 250s. But the thing is that to get that level of charging, because most of the, charges in Australia, I believe, are done in serial rather than parallel. In series, yeah.

Which means every child is plugged in. Yeah, if you've got one car charging and you add an extra car, it halves the charging capacity. And then, you know, the third one comes along. Everyone's 33%. Like, that's how they're done. That's not the case in China, right? But it means that, and the fastest commercially available charging car in Australia is a Zika,

which is 700 kilowatts. But there's no way you can charge them anywhere in Australia. Purely theoretical. Yes. Whereas in China, they're rolling out whole service stations of EV charges that can do... See, this is the problem, Charles. You'd be it to dinner. If you had a Zika, you'd be a dinner party.

Yeah, I've just bought the pants of everyone. 700, 700 KB. That's that amazing. And in China, it'd be like, what's your tumor? Who cares? Everyone's got that. Oh, well, Charles, you know what you can't charge? One of those flash charges.

Royal. I was going to say, you know, like war planes. Oh, they should. They should. But you could probably charge the Iranian drone. I probably shouldn't bring it back to the war. No, and then I thought, yes, there's just all drones. Yeah, just all drones.

Yeah. Now, so can I just, like, we've only got about one minute left before we've got to go. But I just want to tease out for you, Dom. Yep. Just how does it all play out from here? Because Iran supplies drones to Russia to bomb Ukraine, right? Does it? Oh, that's right.

It does too. They're the main suppliers of all the drones. Oh. They've got fucking amazing drone. Are you telling me that this is. going to have the unintended consequence of winning the war in Ukraine for Ukraine, which is not something would have been in front of mind for Donald Trump. I wouldn't have, yeah, I don't know whether, well, this is my question.

Are all the drones redeployed? My question is, does Russia have to back in Iran at some point just to ensure the supply of the drones that they're getting from them? Or does Iran stop supplying Russia with drones, in which case, you know, Russia's fucked in Ukraine? Like, how is it going to work? Haven't the Americans been bombing drone production facilities and stuff like that? Like they've been taking out, and the Israelis.

They've certainly been taking out, you know, wherever there's sort of munitions and naval bases and things like that. I haven't, maybe they haven't seen reports. I read a great analysis this morning that basically said all of the hardware that Iran's been sending across, like, the missiles, the more conventional stuff, are really old. They're just decrepit sort of stuff. So either Iran just has decrepit missiles or. they're depleting and this is what they did back in, was it 2024 when they had that brief seven-day interaction with Israel? Are you talking about the 12-day war in 2025?

It was that 20-25. What Iran did was they actually send out over a whole lot of old missiles first. And then the reason they were able to get through whatever it's called the iron curtain or whatever is because they held off on using their new stuff until all the sort of patriots and all the defense missiles that Israel and the US head were depleted, right? And I read this great analysis. It was by a person who plays a lot of Magic the Gathering. Oh, wow.

And he said, that's a common strategy in Magic the Gathering, which is if you're up against somebody who's got more arms than you, you use all your shit stuff to make them defend them. In essence, everyone in the Pentagon is just playing Magic, the Gathering with people's lives. Well, Charles, just to report, what they have, they've destroyed nine naval vessels apparently. But they've also taken out drone production facilities. Yes.

So this could be bad news for Russia, but another little strand in this, and I have to credit this to none other than the greatest balanced analyst alive, Anthony Garamucci, made the point that there's actually a shortage of munitions. There's been so many attacks during the Second Trump administration that they're actually worried about running short on a lot of the munitions that they need for Russia.

I mean, they've got, obviously, the much heavier stuff. So, wait a minute. Is that the military and industrial, complex saying that they don't have enough. You've never heard that talking point of before. It's a trillion dollar, trillion dollar military. I think that might be alright. But he says the particular sort of stuff that they have.

Right. And ironically, it's actually kind of a stuff up that they went now because they haven't rearmed enough since the ones last year. Imagine that being your problem. Whoops. So they have to use overwhelming force now. We've been killing so many people in so many different parts of the world. By the way, last week, Ukraine destroyed a facility with 10,000 Russian drones in a apparently. So this could be a genuine issue. And if this is the thing that inadvertently

stops the Russian war machine because America targeted Iran, their law of unintended consequences will be quite funny. I think Putin will not be very happy. We might see if there is any compromise. Oh, look, to be honest, I'm sure the world will work out a way to keep the munitions flying. To keep the munitions flying and do ensure that the worst possible outcome is the one that we'd be willing to lend some, wouldn't we? Oh, I didn't get out, though. I think he's, Dan's firm with, well, as the shovel said this morning, insert country here. Look, Donald Trump said he was renaming the Department of Defense to the Department of War. And a lot of people, you know, poo-pooed that idea.

But look, as we know, the Department of War is now the Department of World Peace. It's happening. This is War No. 9. Trump will be finishing this war too, but this one he started. There's going to be so much war, we're going to get sick of it. Tired of winning wars. We're part of the Oconiclass Network.

More war. I think I kind of about something else. It's just, the carbon dioxide might be the best news. I welcome. Exactly.