The Chaser Report - 'Tis Butter Scratch

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

In honour of Australia's current butter shortage, Charles Firth participates in a brand-new quiz by Andrew Hansen on the unusual things there have been shortages of around the world. One thing we are at no shortage of, it's quizzes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Well, welcome to The Chaser Report. It's me, Andrew Hanson, here. Strangely speaking first, I never speak first on this show. I am here with my co-host Charles first. Do you want me to do the opening? Would you like to go first, Charles? Why don't you go first?

I've never normally go first because I'm not often here until recently. You go first. Hello and welcome. Welcome to The Chaser Report. Do you like it? Do you like my name? I kind of regret. I feel like we should switch back to me going first.

Okay, you go first. All right. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. You're here with me, Andrew Hanson and Charles Firth. Hello there, Charles. How you go? Hello. And look, I was swamped with questions about my return.

And the answer is, yes, I am back for good. So, there go. Right. Yeah, we saw this one. I saw a screen cap of the swamp of questions that people were asking about. your return. Dom circulated the ratings which showed that we'd gone up by exactly

0% this morning. Yes. Yeah, that's right. You know, so... It didn't lead to a massive dip. You've helped. The amazing thing is, we expected Domini,

a desertion of our audience upon your return. So I think it speaks volumes, Charles, your popularity that it actually helped. To my blandness that just completely washes over. It's probably only listened to by bots nowadays

Yeah, most of those Most of those numbers are just bots listening And yesterday's whole episode was about AI And they already knew their topic Well that's why they loved it That's why they were such a great response We're talking about them We're talking about something the audience knows

We're going to do that today, Charles too It's not AI But something you may have spotted in the news Or at least in the minor inches of the news We're suffering a shortage of a very useful grocery product at the moment, Jarl, which is butter. You a butter fan?

Well, I'm not allowed to eat butter. I've got cholesterol. You're not allowed to eat it full stop. You're kidding me. Really? Well, I've got to eat that stupid, horrible, you know, pro-vita, whatever it's called, statin margarine thing. Oh, God.

And it has no relationship to butter at all, but it is called buttery. Buttery taste is the flavor. It's buttery. It's buttery. It's buttery. It's butter-esque. Oh, you poor man.

Never seen a cow. No, no, I love butter. I love butter more than anything. I love butter more than I love my kids. Yeah, but I know. Well, me too. It's a butter's a wonderful thing. Look, I've got a great relationship with butter.

However, there is a shortage of it, which is why it's so bloody expensive. So you're in luck, Charles, really, that you're not allowed to buy butter because it's very, very pricey at the moment. So we're going to just look into... I feel like this is not the most fascinating topic I've ever heard. It will be, it will be, because I'm going to quiz you after this, after this little ad break, which might be an ad for butter, I'm going to quiz you about some other unusual shortages that we've gone through over the years. And I'm going to test your shortage knowledge. Okay. Give it a go.

Give it a go. There's a prize at stake, which is me mentioning that you got the answer correct or not. Right. So I thought that you were about to talk about how expensive butter is of the rest of the episode. And it did strike me that. No, I don't care about it. No, I can tell you that. It's like $8 for a block.

And we can do that in one sentence. Okay, right. All right. Coming up, out of this. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? Fizz is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes.

Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at fizz.com. Sorry, we took so long in the break I was just making myself some butter All that talk of butter has made me just go I don't care about my cholesterol I'm just going to fucking eat butter from now on

You are looking very sweaty and red From that block of Lurpak That you just slipped down in the break Yeah, you know my sister once Bit into, like when she was very young I still remember it She was about seven, I was about five And she saw in the fridge

This lump of what she thought was cheap And she was being a bit naughty She picked it up and just Just butter Oh, the cheese butter And confusion You only make that mistake once No

Yeah And then I've seen somebody I once saw somebody Do a similar thing at a restaurant Because Barnabutter arrived In these stick shape

These kind of rectangular prisms Yes They did look like It can look like cheese It can Yeah, you poor cyst You know

Some kids Some kids love butter There was somebody in my extended family When she was a little kid Butter was almost one of the only things she ate at all Like you know how tiny little kids sometimes Yeah And they're really strange food preferences

Hers was butter on its own This tiny toddler And sit there walking down What terrible parents Oh look you know You just do whatever you can to shut them up Don't you Well one of their parents

Is Scandinavian in So that explains it It's a European Like you have to have your butter You make sure And it's like You're sure you don't want This roll mop instead

This old Pickled fish That tastes like A pickled fish from 10 years ago Yeah with butter Why do you only like the butter That seems so strange In their defence

All the Scandinavians I know Hate Scandinavian food Oh really Yes I always ask them about it Because I've got the Scandy relatives And then they always say Oh, it's disgusting. I must say, I completely disagree.

I once went through Rakevi. Is Finland, oh, no, Iceland is not. Is there? Oh, I think that's Scandinavian. All those cold places near there with... But the airport, the airport there is fucking incredible. Because it's just got all these rotting fish bars and things like that, but they're really elegant.

They've got caviar bars. They've got caviar as well, but it's like rotting fish. All those delicacies. You just sit in the airport eating that. So instead of having twisties and a Mars bar, you have roll mops and caviar. It's extraordinary. It's the world's stinkiest here. Imagine the flight afterwards.

Good God. People stink on flights anyway. Imagine getting on a plane having had that. Oh, it's disgraceful. Anyway, look, now, I'm going to quiz you on weird shortages. Here's your first question, Charles, in the wake of the butter shortage that we're suffering. Back in 2011, Norway, speaking of Scandinavian countries, Norway suffered a certain. severe shortage of butter.

Why? And here are the, here are the options. A, the cross-country ski team ate at all. B, the global financial crisis was stressing out the cows. Or C, the cows forgot how to graze. Wow. All, like, this isn't one of those quizzes where all three answers are wrong and it's a four-time. It's not, no, no, no, it's one of those.

It's why Norway had it. Well, it's not going to be the GFC was stressing out the cows. It's stupid. They don't know. The whole point about being a cow is you don't have to worry about the stock market. So I don't think it's fair. You don't worry about certain markets. Yes, the stock if you're a cow.

Oh, yeah. The bolt to the brain market. Yes, you're going to worry about that. Well, there could have been a knock-on effect, though, for the cow. I mean, if the farmer's stressed, you know how stress spreads. Anyway. I don't know. I kind of feel like, you know, the farmer goes out.

He's all stressed in the field, like from the GFC. he's just looked at his portfolio and he's going to, and he goes out into the field, and he's explaining to the cows what's happened. I think what would actually happen is he would de-stress. Because they're in the field amongst the cows. I don't think he's going to get stressed. It would be terrible for their mental health.

Imagine the cow's mental health being complained to about how they no longer have the financial security that they were accustomed to. But wouldn't they just go, moo? Well, in an anxious way, they'd probably be more like, moo. Yeah, I still don't think it's that one.

Cross-country team ate all the butter. Now, Norway is a very small country, isn't it? It's like a couple of million people. So that is not inconceivable. I mean, how big would a cross-country team be? Like, what, 100 people? They need a lot of butter. I still don't think that it's going to happen.

So that means that it's got to be what the cows forgot how to make butter. I reckon that's, they forgot how to graze. Yeah, the cows forgot how to graze. Yeah, I reckon that's it. Because cows are fucking dumb. Charles Firth, insert, ding! Oh, great. You are correct.

Yay! Yes, indeed. In Norway, in 2011, the cows forgot how to graze properly because there was too much rain in the summer. Oh, wow. And so there was just too much grass. Yeah, they're like looking at it going, what the hell do I do with all this? What's all this stuff? It's all tall.

This is not what I'm used to. Yeah. And so they gave up grazing. And there was no butter I mean that's a great diet tip isn't it Like if you ever wanting to not eat Just forget how to eat It was very rough for them wasn't it

Yeah And when it got at its worst Also I read online You know they had to import you know Butter from other countries Which was selling for 50 US dollars For a block For a 450 grand block

That's one block of butter That's how much butter costs of coal Yeah it's usual for us now I know yes I was a 200 I got that wrong Sorry that's a 250 gram pack Was 50 bucks

The Norwegians love their butter They love butter In fact they even had a term For panic that they experienced It was called smoor panic Which means butter panic Which afflicted the poor old Norwegian All right now back in 1943

That was one of the last times That we had a real shortage of butter in Australia Yes Because during the war There was rationed Oh, yeah, I suppose there was something going on. It was rationed. Yep.

Now, how much butter per fortnight do you think each adult was allowed? Oh, it'll be some ridiculously large amount. Severe, severe rations. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's one pound. It's a pound. It's a pound.

A pound of butter. My sister, half a kilo per person. My sister would have gone through that in one city. Yeah, it's on her cheeseboard. Yeah. I guess back in the 40s. I guess butter was probably like your main course. Yeah.

You had butter with peas or something on your plate and just eat it with a knife and four. Well, it is true. My grandparents used to put butter on everything. There was butter on your corn, butter on your peas, butter on your butter. Oh, it's delicious. Absolutely. What delicious days. Gosh, people ate well back then, didn't they?

In the war. The thing that, actually, one of my fondest smells is the smell of frying butter. My grandma, actually, my... Actually, my granddad used to cook everything in butter. So in the morning, you'd wake up if you were staying at his house, and it would just be the smell of frying butter. How long did your grandpa live, Charles? Oh, and he died.

Made it to his 20s? He was pretty young, yeah. Gosh. Even in the wake of that, though, even one pound of butter back then was so little that it caused Australians to invent what I think is the most disgusting-sounding recipe

ever heard of the butterless eggless fruit cake I mean I'm talking about war food yeah isn't that just fruit

yeah that's fruit fruit and flour jam together yuck oh I mean even a normal fruit cake is disgusting I mean Lord

I'm partial to you know a bit of Christmas oh yuck it's war food it's horrid stuff horrid stuff oh that's because

you don't like Sultanas. Oh, they're disgraceful. Absolutely appalling. I was really about Sultana shortage. Then I'd be happy. Then I'd be happy.

Thank you for your patience. Your call is important. Can't take being on hold anymore? FIS is 100% online, so you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at FIS.ca.

The Chaser Report. More news, less often. All right. Here's another butter shorty. You're doing quite well on this, Charles. Your butter shortage knowledge. Oh, look, I'm a shortage of fichinado. In fact, the only thing I don't have a shortage of is knowledge about shortage.

So you've got to, I didn't realize that I'd be quizzing the one guy in the world who's very, very good at shortages. All right, here's one for you. In 2017, France had its worst butter shortage since World War II. What did they blame? Sorry, what year was it? In 2017. France had a terrible but a shortage, the worst one since World War II. What did they blame?

Are you going to give me multiple choice or do I just have to... No, no, you have to flounder around in the dark. Just guessing French things, things that French people... Well, knowing the French, they probably blame the English, but that's a good go-to. It could be that. That is a very good guess. I'm sure some of them, that's not the official answer, but I have no doubt. Some of them probably did do that, including the president.

Ah, bloody French, bloody English people, whatever. Probably. Look, I reckon there were lots of heat waves in 2017. I'm just trying to think, but I remember everyone dying. I remember everyone dying in France in, you know, a few years ago now. I'm going to say something to do with massive fucking heat waves. I think you might be thinking of the French Revolution there. You might have to go back 18, 17 or something.

17, 89. Well, look, the actual thing that most French people blamed were the food rules, like the fussy French food rules. Because you know how everything has to be labelled and stamped and made in the exact same village. It was probably because, you know, the European Union was wanting them to pasteurize their butter so that it was, you know, safe. And they were going, no, no, I just wonder, oh, direct from the car. It is not traditional. It has to be sucked straight from the other. And then wiped in dirt to give it that earthy taste.

Yes, that is an authentic. And then burnt to a crisp. Nothing better than dirty burnt butter. And then smoked in the form of an elegant cigarette. Yeah, yes. The only way to have butter. And then robbed in the face of a disgusting English man. Well, there we go.

Correct. Okay. Oh, you're going to give us the fussy rule. You're giving that. Yeah, you get that. It's pretty close. Pretty close. The food rules.

Now, earlier, Charles, you've already mentioned, this question's a bit easy now because you've already mentioned it. You already mentioned it in the podcast. Which Russian food? Which Russian food was plentiful and cheap for centuries, but suddenly became absurdly expensive.

I've already mentioned this food. You've mentioned this food earlier when we're talking about Scandinavians. Oh, like, roll mops. It was a rollmops. No, no, no, no. Cabia, cabia. Oh, right, okay. Yes.

Apparently, caviar was like the peasant food. It was peasant food, you're right. My son actually told me that. And actually, where do they, what's the really expensive one? Sturgeons or whatever? Yeah, sturgeon, yeah. That was the particularly, like, dull one that the peasants hate. Hated.

Actually, and I read this fascinating article, which is that the reason why it became expensive was because it was very, scarce, right? Yes. Oh, you know more than I do. Yeah, so, and I think it, was it, didn't it originally happened in America or something? Or maybe it was just an American

article that I was reading. Well, it was over fear. They just caught too many sturgeon. By the mid-20th century, they'd fished so many bloody sturgeon, there were hardly any left. And then so suddenly it became quite scarce, which

drove up the price, which then everyone meant suddenly go, oh, this must be really delicious, so expensive. Yeah, they did. He's serving it in these top-class restaurants. I mean, I must say, I recently flew Qatar Airlines and the head of caviar service. Oh, well, lucky for you, Joe. I mean, I must say, relatable content, this is.

The Blanies were a little, you know, tepid. Look, I know you've had a lot of recent success, Charles. But you're just trying to be a little bit humble about it, thanks. God. Well, they've solved it partly by farming the sturgeon, actually. or farm the sturgle so I think it's ethical down a bit. Well, not quite, there was a problem. Did Craig, you know, get onto them?

Oh, Craig. Yeah, it's Craig Ruckeisle. The whole documentary on the ABC about the problem of overfished sturgeon. They would commission something like that these days. They would, yeah. Well, they want to appeal to a broad audience. Yeah, that's right. I'll get the punters in.

But they're kind of, so they're farming the sturgeon, but the problem with this, and I'll ask you about this, is they add borax. They had stuff called borax to the caviar. What is the problem with adding borax to caviar child? So borax is the thing that you get when your kids are about five or six years old and they want to make slime. It's a component of... Oh, borax goes in slime, does it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want to make good homemade slime, there's several recipes. Really? But getting borax... Modern day caviar must be delicious if it has the texture of childhoods of the child. So my guess is they put borax in to make it more sort of congealed or something. Do they, like to make it a little bit sort of stick together or something? Is that the reason?

And does it make it a little bit, taste a bit acidic or something? Well, the reason they pop it in, it sort of helps the preservation process and the consistency. Yes, okay. And apparently enhances the flavor of the caviar, but. The downside is that it's poisonous and it's banned in many countries, including Australia and the US. It's not allowed to be food products at all, which is a slight drawback, I suppose, for a food product. I mean, if you're going to be selling food, well, look, you've got to find a country where they've given a tick to borax. You know, I presume it's only a little bit poisonous, right?

And if, you know, you're hitting with poison, essentially regular eaters of caviar, I'm not sure I'm. I'm kind of on the side of that. Like, I kind of think that that's probably getting rid of the right people out of society, isn't it? What, Russian peasants, you mean? Oh, oh, is this, they put it in peasant? No, but wouldn't, is it still a peasant food? The borax? Like the caviar?

Look, I think it's quite posh now. I think it's quite posh. I mean, it's interesting, though. I mean, I reckon Vladimir Putin would probably eat caviar. He's probably full of borax. Look at him, he's fine. He rides horses, topless. He's fine.

And look, the Chinese add baking soda to their, you know, meat. That's how you're velvet. I suppose you're allowed to eat baking soda, though. Yeah, I don't think that's poisonous in the way that borax is. I mean, I think you're allowed to eat. I'll just be a bit of Googling of it. I think you're actually allowed to eat borax caviar in the UK. I think the UK are you fine about it.

Well, that's the whole problem with the UK now. It's because they've eliminated all the European standards. They've got none. Oh, so they have to eat borax. That's why Australia Since Brexit That's why they love Australian food Because they're just allowed to import it

Yes They don't be the borax Lord, all right Look, one more I'll give you one more Let's go back to World War II And 1946 we're going to go back to Where a lot of houses were being built in Australia

Because they were planning for That was the last time Houses were built in Australia It was the last Yes, back in 1946 They had sort of plan for the boomers To own them all one day And so they built them all then.

But because they built so many, they had a shortage of paintbrushes. Oh, wow. I'd learned on the internet. I hope I'm right about this. I haven't done extensive fact-checking, but I'm hoping it's okay. Well, if you don't... You may not be able to answer this then if you hadn't heard of this. But what was the name of the military mission that was launched to solve our paintbrush shortage?

Was it called A, Operation Bunnings? No. B, Operation Brucho. Or C, Operation Pig Bristle. Wow. It's got to be Pig Bristle. Like, Brasho is good because that's very Australian. But don't you think, you know, if you've just come out of the Second World War, you're very literal.

You want to be clear in your operation names. And I reckon it's probably Pig Bristle that makes Brushes. Charles Worth. You are correct. Congratulations. Yes. The military launched Operation Pig Bristle. I like this.

The kicking of the military commander. Now, it's time to launch Operation Pig Bristle. And what does it do, sir? Well, you need to find an awful lot of bristles, Jenkins. But from which animal? Ah, we didn't think of that. Let me have a look at the documents. So the Air Force, actually, was largely tasked.

I don't know why, because pigs aren't known for flying around in the sky. Maybe that's how they found out that pigs don't fly. It explains why there was such a shortage of paintbrushes because they kept on looking for them in the sky. In the skies. Where are the pigs gone? Where are these flying pigs? God damn it.

We've been set on a fool's errand. Yeah. No, well, they only sent, they only sent, they sent three planes on a few, on numerous missions to transport these pig bristles. Well, they flew to China. They actually flew to China to get these things. They flew to Chukhung King and transported 25 tons of pig bristles. That sounds a bit suspicious.

We're heading to China to check out their pig. Wasn't that because they just wanted to have some delicious roast pork, you know, Chinese-style roast pork? Yeah, maybe. I'm sure they would have. They would have. When they stopped there. Yeah.

I mean... Surely. Yeah. We'll have to go to a whole of pig factory. In China. Well, you only get lumped with a pound of butter per day. So anyway, so that's how we got our boomer's houses painted. That is, so, look, Andrew, I'll admit I was skeptical about the topic of this podcast.

I felt like it was a bit of a dead end, that there would be a shortage of entertainment. But instead, this has been the best podcast ever. And I'm predicting a lift in the ratings of 0% tomorrow. Ooh, ambitious. Setting ambitious targets here at the Chaser Report. I hope you've enjoyed the shortages. And look, if we've got a shortage of ratings, then we'll come back and try and make it even better still.

What we should do is email podcast at chaser.com. If you've got any shortage tales of your own. That would be great, yes. And we should get listeners on. We should have a little talk back. We did that. about a year ago. It was terribly unsuccessful.

Oh, well, let's do that again. Yeah. Our gear is from Ride. We're part of the Iconiclass Network. Catch you tomorrow. Bye. Thank you for your patience. Your call is important.

Can't take being on hold anymore. FIS is 100% online. So you can make the switch in minutes. Mobile plans start at $15 a month. Certain conditions apply. Details at Fizz.com. Thank you.