The Chaser Report - Trump 2024 Begins! | Andrew Hansen

Episode Date: November 17, 2022

Trump is back. God help us all. Andrew and Charles ponder the "yuge" implications of another potential Trump presidency. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Fitt and with me today is Andrew Hansen. Yes, indeed. I think I'm replacing that other host of yours who's occasionally here. I've forgotten his name. But anyway, you've got me.

You've got Andrew Hanson. I don't you remember. There was another guy who used to do the show. before today. Yes. The grumpy guy. Yeah, what's his name? Bomb or something.

Rom. Ron. Ron. Ron. Ron. Ron, somebody. Was Ron his surname? Was he probably jovial Rom?

Yeah, yeah. It's an ironic name. Sort of sleepy. Yes, that's right. Anyway, look, you know. I think, I don't know what happened here. I think he died or something. I can't remember.

Well, it doesn't surprise me, you know, having sort of heard some of the episodes. I did feel that that was probably going to happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's why it's so many people keep listening to it and our ratings, for some bizarre reason, keep increasing, is just the jeopardy. It's like a real crime drama, like, will he die this week? Yes, when will he die?

It's a sort of game of Thrones level of, you know, oh my goodness, when's he going to go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's happened. It's happened, and we've got Andrew, a much better person on the podcast instead. Oh, yes, we're certainly less grumpy anyway. But I'll tell you what, I am hugely relieved this morning. It's not just because Dom is no longer here. He does.

I'm also hugely relieved because Donald Trump yesterday announced that he is running in 2024. Kelsa Preeze. Thank God we can all relax again. We can all go back to that state of relaxation that I remember from the last time he was when he was president. And I'm sure this is very relatable to anyone who owns a satirical news outlier. There has been great panic ever since, first of all, Trump got unelected, then Boris Johnson got punted out of sort of thing. And then Scott Morrison left, and there's sort of nothing left to, like no easy, low-hanging gags the whole time. Oh, I'll see what you mean, Charles.

That's an issue, yeah, for you sort of trying to trot out sort of earnest left-wing barbs on your socials, isn't it? Yes, exactly. What do you do now? Go-cove for the rah-rah set, just the obvious sort of like literally gags. right themselves. They're the ones that, right? They're the ones that, you know, get in the donations. People, you just say something really obvious about how dumb Trump is, boom. You get 50 bucks. But surely you could do this. You could do this about Biden and Albanesey as well, haven't you, haven't you started? Have you come up with any jokes yet about

them? The best joke, the best joke we've done about Alba, which is actually not my joke, it's James Schleffel wrote this joke, which is a great joke, is that, oh, thank you. Thank God, we've finally got a government that cares about the environment under Labor. In fact, they care so much that they have agreed to plant one tree for every coal mine they approve, which means, you know, like there's going to be a lot of trees. But that's like 17 trees in Queensland alone. That's good. There you go.

It can be done. It can be done, but it's sort of dry and effortful. You know, you don't want that. You want to be able to write a gag at 9 a.m. Because Trump's done something stupid. and then head to the pub with the 50 bucks that you got. Oh, that's what you mean. So, anyway, but the point is...

Good luck to you, good luck to you, Charles. So he did it at Mar-a-Lago. So he announced this whole thing at Mar-a-Lago. Guess who was in the audience? I think you probably know. Oh, look, we spotted Gina, right? Gina Ryanhart is there in the back of shot. She's got a bone-heading in a way.

It's quite a funny shock because she's in the background, isn't he? It's almost like she wasn't really meant to be in the shot. But it looked in tension. It looked like it was photoshade. Like her face looked like she was photoshopped in there. Yeah, it did a bit. But it's real. I've seen, it's been reported in the news as genuine, hasn't it?

Why would you go along? So, it is a genuine question. I've been to a few Trump rallies, and there is a correct answer to this. Why would you go along to a Trump announcement? I, I, I, I imagine that there'd be a lot of very nice hamburgers on offer to eat. I mean, this is why I would go. I assume there'd be a big spread of burgers and fries. The catering is good.

Yes, that is true. And actually, they usually have food trucks out the front. And actually, the ones that I went to, which were in sort of South Carolina and the deep south of America, it was always, it was always black people who would turn up to do all the catering and the merchandising and stuff like that. And you'd go, why are you supporting this racist fuck with it? And we're not supporting him. It's just these people are really rich who support him. We're making lots of money out of them. Charging $25 for a red cap, you know.

Well, of course, that makes total sense. I mean, you know, why should they discriminate with their customers? Yes, exactly. You know, they're not going to say no. Can you cater this in, you know, this? Well, they're not enormous, though. I mean, I thought the whole thing about Trump rallies was, they were very poorly attended. Well, I think they are a little bit of a washout.

No, no, no, no. Like, during 2016, there was a real sense. And I'll tell you why you go, there's actually one reason. why you do actually go to rallies. I went to so many, like I went to like half a dozen in 2016. It's because he's fucking funny. He's really entertaining, right?

Yeah, he is. He is very funny, isn't it, when he gets up on stage? And I think that's why Jenna Reinhardt went there because, you know, you look at Australia's stand-up comedy circuit, you go, there's a little, you know, it's a little thin on the ground.

You know, I mean, there's, I mean, Tom Gleason's great comedian, but there's only so many times you can go to his show. And he has, like, one or two shows. a year, different shows. You're not even touring at the moment, Andrew, so you can't get to you. No, I'm not, that's true.

You can't even see me. So you have to go to Trump. Yeah, well, and like War on 2022, which is my show, which is coming up, starts next week. Ooh, nicely played. Yeah, you can go to chaser.com. com.com.com.

And get tickets there. But, but. Really? Can you? Yes. So it was your whole Trump story finished now. No, no. Now that you've got your plug out. No, no, no, no. But the point is, so I think that's the reason why Gina went over there was to be entertained, right?

But, turns out this announcement that he made was incredibly boring, right? Like, it was... Oh, see, I haven't heard the announcement. It was a dull. He tried to be, like, a statesman. The crucial error of being this sort of statesmanly sort of, oh, I'm announcing, I'm just, you know, like, I'm all really important. So much so that some of his supporters in the audience started heckling him. But listen to these. Hopefully someday go back to their homes.

This is boring. We're boring. Tell some jokes. Something. Entertain us. This is boring. Come on. So very important.

We're bored. This is... Are you serious? This is boring. We came here to be entertained. This is boring. I'm so bored. I love you, but this is really boring.

Donald, you're boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. There you go. It goes on. What's interesting about that is that even the heckling is boring. I mean, it goes on and on, and they've got nothing new.

Poor Gina, had to put up with boring heckles. Was it her? Was she one of those things saying, this is boring. The Chaser Report, now with extra whispers. This has sent me into a bit of a spiral ride, which is if Trump is going to be all statesman-like and and boring on his campaign trail, then that's not going to work for us as satirists, because we're just going to...

We need to come up with new ideas to help Donald Trump sort of get back that sort of... You know, like, you know how comedians sort of over time get less funny? You know, how old comedians... There's a point at which you sort of age out of comedy. Yes, and your references are a bit dated and that sort of thing. Yeah, yeah. And you say it all the time.

I wonder whether that's what... what's happened to Trump, is he's just sort of, he's still living back in 2020. It's still going on about losing the election. What we need is we need some new gear for Donald Trump to do so that he can sort of feed us. Some new material, I mean, yeah. Well, also, I mean, there's also the fear that I think that he might actually win the election because, you know, if he starts behaving like a reliable normal politician, you know, he might actually get in.

So we had better think of something for him to do. Yes, I think that's right. Could he book into that irritating course That some comedians think they have to do That's in France The Golié The Clown School Yes

And put him into the clown school Give him a bit of clown training Yes Because I mean Actually I know you should sort of mock it as a thing But Tom Walker You know Tom Walker He's very funny

He went to clown school for about three years A lot of good people A lot of good people I think went there But yes But a lot of irritating people also went there Well, it sounds like an irritating experience to me. But you go there and get abused, I'm told you. Everybody who comes back says, oh, all that happened was that the guy just said,

you are not interesting. You are not funny. Get out of my sight. Come back when you are interesting. Yes. Apparently it's a bunch of that. And I think the thing is that there's no limit on how long the course is. Oh, you know, I think you can stay as long as you can.

Yeah, it just goes on and on and on until you just are fed up. Well, maybe that's the thing. answer for Trump, just send him to the course and perhaps he'll never be entertaining enough, he'll sort of be gone for years. It'll destroy him. It'll be actually, it'll be what he's always sort of missing, what he's always psychologically

trying to make up for, which is ever since his father died, he hasn't had an abusive figure in his life to sort of hate on him. I see. And he'll feel like he's right at home again. He'll probably actually turn into a well-rounded human being. He'll get that.

Well, that's a, well, if that's what he's looking for. I mean, you could book him into work, you know, in the hospitality industry or, you know, he should become a waiter at Maralaga. I've heard the I've heard the owner of Mara Lager is a real cunt.

Yeah. Let him serve the hamburgers to Gina Ryanard. That'll give him what he needs. Yes. It's a great idea. And so, like, let's just now also have a look at why he's running, right? Because it's not usual for

someone to announce just after the midterms, like two years away from when the actual election is going to happen, that you're running. But that doesn't happen right. And it doesn't happen for a reason, because actually there's a whole lot of laws that make it much harder for him to raise money now. Like, there's all these laws that he now comes under

now that he's announced that he's a candidate, right? Right. But the reason everyone's saying that he actually announced so early out is because he's under investigation for a whole lot of incredible crimes, including things like a bit of light treason, you know, when he stole all those secret documents and then moved them when the FBI was knocking on the door, he sort of moved them to another location and stuff like that.

And there's still documents that appear to be missing. Basically, under the law over there, or under the guidelines of the law over there, there was no possibility for the Justice Department to basically arrest him during the midterms because he was a sort of political figure. But now that those elections are out of the way, they actually can now go and arrest him if they want to,

you know, if they've got enough evidence or whatever. But now that he's announced, it's sort of like he can now claim that, oh, well, the reason you're arresting me is because I'm running for president, not because I stole a whole of documents and committed a bit of like treason. So I kind of think this whole part needs a little bit of a joke to it because I don't have a punchline. It probably does. It's a bit boring, a bit like his announcement.

Where can we go with that? No, no, but I think it's, so what the fuck is? Well, maybe you, just anybody who's, you know, done something that is, it seems a bit suss. Yes. Should run for president. Well, this is the thing. I mean, look, I've committed a bit of light fraud over the years. Well, maybe you should announce.

I think I should announce that I'm running for prime minister. I mean if that's what protects you Yes You know And then every time You know People say oh But you evaded all those taxes Charles

I'll just say That's a political statement Exactly exactly I mean this could work for anybody You know Like even somebody who's just done a break And enter And stolen a television or something

Yes They should run for president Even for really small crimes Like you know how Dom doesn't clean up His dog shit Whenever he walks his dog Yes he never does But he should run for president

If he runs for president He can just claim Well That accusation that fine that you gave me for not cleaning up under my dog, that's political. The politics of him and his dog shit. What, um, dirty politics? What crimes do you commit regularly?

Well, you know, sometimes, you know, I'm too busy to go to the toilet on time, um, for, you know, especially lately because I've got little children. I know, I find I'm always holding it on. Is that a crime to, to hold it in? That's not a crime. I feel like, you don't really understand what crimes. No, look, I've got a very boring life, Charles. I don't, I don't, you know, I'm not a sort of criminal.

Well, that's a bit of a crime. I'm a pretty, yes, yes. You've got a crime against partying. I do, I'm a crime against, I never, I never leave the house and be interesting or social or anything. So, so I've got that. Oh, you've got a crime, on stage, like I've seen your live shows, on stage, your crime is just being too funny. Well, that's true, Charles. Yes, yes, I'm criminally hilarious.

on stage. Just should be locked up, lock up that loony Hanson. He's too funny. I have heard that said. Have we recorded enough? Yes. Let's stop. Okay.

So the point is Trump is running, but he doesn't seem to be up to his old sort of level of interestingness. And that's a real problem for us as satirists. And therefore, I don't know, what's going to, what do you reckon is going to happen? Like, do you think he's going to win? Or is he just running the protection? No, I think now that he's dull, I think, I mean, you know, look at Joe Biden.

Yes. Joe Biden is really the most boring man in America. And I think that's why they ran him, right? He's going to outflank Joe Biden in boringness. Well, I think so. I think Trump looked at that and Trump's thought, well, wait a minute, you know, this was a strategy. You know, I was interesting and funny and unpredictable. So they ran me, you know, they put the dullest man in America up.

against me and he and he beat me and so so now i think yeah trump's going to go one better yes i predict he's going to be even more boring than than joe biden you know on that framework you know who we should run for president the united states who will outflank both biden and trump in who do you think dom night the former host of the chaser report the chaser report god i hope he doesn't listen to this episode don't mean for president you're very good cruel, child. We're cruel of the expense of your regular co-host. We love Dom.

I think we've learned something about your relationship by the fact that he's not here. He won't listen, he won't listen. He doesn't listen to the episodes. No, he does sort of listen to episodes. I don't know why. He listens to all the episodes. Like when he's not there, he'll say, oh, you know, that was interesting what you said. Well, he's probably keeping an ear out for when you're rude about him.

He's probably... He's really compiling a massive defamation case. Yes. Yes, because you sit there insulting him all episodes. No, wait a minute. That's another, that's a team member. I mean, I agree. I'm not disagreeing.

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