The Chaser Report - Trump Grabs 'em by the Cuntstution

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Donald Trump could be president any day now, according to the constitution he's imagined. Dom and Charles have all the latest on America's batshit politics. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report. I'm Charles Firth and with me today is none other than Dominic Knight. Hello, Charles. What a surprise for me to be here on our podcast. And don't you think that you are in the best mood I think I've ever seen you in? You know, I'm loving life.

I'm pumped. Yes. I'm ready for 2023. bring it on. I reckon that's going to be the year. Everything is better. And I know I said that about 2021 after the pandemic. I think I said it after the bushfires in 2019 as well for 2020. I definitely said it about 2022 that, you know, we're all vaccinated now, hot vac summer. We're going to see the end of this. And as COVID cases increase in a lot of my colleagues at various jobs are out sick with COVID again. And the prime minister has COVID now. Albo's got COVID.

It's beaten. We've thought. Finally beaten COVID-19. It doesn't exist anymore. It's not a problem. As long as you just ignore any data, just take what I like to call the Dominic Peritae approach or really any administrator anywhere. Then it's over.

We've won. The New York Times has a little graph which shows the countries that we're COVID's most exploding. And deep purple is like the worst of the worst. Yes, it's true in rock and roll as well. And deep... and Australia is one of the few countries in the world to be deep purple at the moment. I actually don't like deep purple.

I just wanted to make that joke. Yes, and of course we are. And part of that, to be fair, is because we did so well initially. Yes. When it came, it absolutely smashed us. But it's also because we've just stopped. Yeah.

I should be wearing a mask in the lift here, but I didn't do that. No, but Dom, isn't it in your interests to see the spread of COVID? Is it? Because one of the jobs that you do, do is you, you fill in for people on ABC radio. I can't possibly discuss that note. That's not a thing I don't.

They're two different people. Whenever they get COVID, you get a job for a week. No, no. That's a different Dominic Knight with a similar voice to me. It's very confusing and embarrassing. But you haven't single-handedly been going around spreading COVID in the ABC, have you? Well, let me ask you this question, Charles. If you were anybody else, would you want to be in close proximity to me?

No. Oh, I haven't. I know, but it's just everywhere again. I can't, this is looking exactly the same as last year. Well, not quite in that Omicron, you know, none of us had had it. But, yeah, it's not looking great. Still, 20203 is going to be different. I don't know why we would think that, but I'm going to think it anyway.

Merry Christmas, everybody. Look, a lot of people are saying that Trump is going to be jailed by May 23. Like, there's several commentators have now seen. I think even John Barron was saying. Because that's not my understanding, Charles. My understanding is he's going to be president any moment. What they're going to do is they're going to get rid of the Constitution. They're going to suspend the Constitution and appoint him.

And look, let's just jump into this because this is very, very important, very, very important. I'm just keen to read what he said on truth social. I love that his website, like, you don't post a tweet, you post a truth. Everything that he says, it's just a truth. You can't argue that it's untrue because. The brand name of every single statement is a truth. It's a truth, TM. Am I going to do my terrible Donald Trump impression?

No. Yes. So with the revelation of massive and widespread fraud and deception in working closely with big tech companies, the DNC and the Democrat Party, do you throw out the presidential election results with 2020 out and declare the rightful winner or do you have a new election? I can't. I'm sick of it.

A massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the terminate. of all rules, regulations and articles, even those found in the Constitution, Charles. Our great founders did not want and would not condone false and fraudulent elections. Now, Charles, do you know what the revelation is that has led Donald Trump to call for the U.S. Constitution to be suspended of him to be installed as the rightful president?

Do you know what the revelation was? I'm actually not across that part of it, the story. You've heard of Hunter Biden's laptop. Yes. Yeah, okay. So Hunter Biden put a laptop. into a repair shop somewhere in Delaware that had lots of dodgy images on it

and receipts and all the kind of stuff. Apparently what happened was and the journalist Matt Tybee, who's actually a great journalist and investigated all this stuff and Elon Musk shared it as the Twitter tapes or whatever it was. Elon Musk got very agitated about this.

What happened was on the laptop there was a picture of Hunter Biden naked doing something dubious, who knows what it was. And Twitter refused I think Twitter took down the tweet. Well, it was sort of, it was revenge porn style. It was a revenge porn sort of thing.

You know, posting it was essentially, you were posting it to humiliate Hunter Biden. Yes, and the computer technician accessed a client's files and leaked them on the internet, which is not hugely ethical. No. And what was revealed was that the Biden campaign had asked Twitter to take the posts down,

and Twitter had a done. So they had a policy on not, well, they had a policy, they probably don't need more. on not publishing hacked documents. You can't put it, just put up revenge porn. Yes. And Elon Musk said that was a complete violation of the First Amendment and was outrageous.

And people seemed to think, and a lot of commentators that had a lot of people who are agitated about this, seemed to think that in the second half of 2020, Biden was already president. He wasn't. Donald Trump was the president back then. So it wasn't exactly as though the US government was ordering Twitter to take down things.

It was the Biden campaign. Yes. The lack of opportunity to see Hunter Biden's cock is the reason why Donald Trump should be immediately installed as president. But you know, when you read ancient history and stuff of that, and it's always some sort of small detail that leads to the collapse of the Roman Empire. Have you seen it? Is it small? But I'm just saying, you know, like, this could well be the little, like,

it's always just the straw that broke the camel's back. It's the butterfly that flaps its wings. Yes. And so what I'm saying is maybe, maybe that is the spark that causes the collapse of American democracy. Well, but you say the collapse. I mean, others would say the rightful restoration. I mean, from Donald Trump's perspective, it does seem unfair. Because in 2016, he didn't win the popular vote in the election and became president.

Yes. And broke all sorts of rules and so on, didn't release tax returns, all that stuff, and became president. Why should the rules be different in 2020? Why should he, again, lose the popular vote and not get to be president? Does he risk, though, alienating more people by sort of calling, like, isn't the right side of politics, don't they just always go on about my constitution? Like, isn't that the one thing that those people, you know, the founding fathers was, you know, unimpeachable and, you know, nothing that, you know, set in stone?

You're asking for consistency, rather than simply tailoring their sort of absolute views an ideology to whatever that is politically convenient. Yeah. It's just the Mitch McConnell thing. And look, a lot of prominent Republicans have been asked about this. I think George Stephanopoulos asked one of them on TV. You know, are you really saying you're not going to

criticize someone who's literally called for the Constitution to be ripped up and to be installed as president? And this senator, whoever it was, it was just like, I'm going to support the nominee. Whoever the nominee is, I'm a Republican. That's what we do. And yes, it is, it's an interesting thing. I mean, the coup, the actual.

coup that happened on January the 6th, I don't want to get a war scene. It just was a coup. It was an attempted coup. Yes. Just literally an attempted coup. They tried to stop the certification of the votes for Biden. Yes. That's just been sort of glossed over. And now we have him literally calling for tearing up the Constitution. In fairness, though,

the coup was very incompetently run. It was. Like... Have they learnt nothing from the CIA? Why didn't he get the CIA? He was the President. He could have ordered the CIA to do it. Well, I think part of it wasn't the professionalism of people like the Secret Service and Mike Pence were the things that was stopping him on the day. Well, there was the whole story.

Because he wanted to go, Trump wanted to go down. And the Secret Service wouldn't let him? Yeah. Apparently. Although he denies that. But wouldn't have his bonespurs stopped him from storming the Barrett code? Well, I think it's true that he said, you know, let's go down to the Capitol right now. And then they all went and he just went back to the White House.

Oh, really? He literally called them in his speech at the Rotunda on that day. Let's go down to the Capitol right now. now and then just fucked off back to the safety of the white after the cheeseburger room but i can understand i can understand why he wants to get back to the room where there's a button on his desk for a diet coke if someone could just arrange him to have that same button at mara lago he wouldn't be he wouldn't run the chaser report less news more often as we go as we record this now dom the fate of the american

empire holds in the balance because there's a runoff in Georgia. Yes. And Herschel Walker, who's the guy who is the anti-abortion guy who paid for all his girlfriend's abortions. Yes, he's prior abortion except, only for himself, it turns out. And also he's had a whole lot of domestic, like sort of sexual assault charges and that he lives in Texas, apparently. Oh, really?

They didn't even live in Georgia. Right. Yeah, right. Okay. So that candidate, he only got 49.7% of the vote, so it didn't quite squeeze through that unimpeachable character. And he's up against a Democrat. And, you know, like the whole system hangs in the balance, doesn't it? Because if he wins, then the Republicans, do they have a... No, it actually doesn't matter. Oh, it doesn't matter. No, it doesn't matter. So he's up against... This is the hilarious thing about this. You're talking about whether Republicans actually follow their principles. Yes. They're running against, the guy they're running against,

Reverend Raphael Warnock is the preacher from Martin Luther King's church. Right. Like he is, you know, he's a Christian pastor. Yes. And instead they've put up against him, this basic serial philandro who runs away from his kids. But all the Christians are turning out for the serial philandero. Yeah, they're voting for Herschel Walker.

Of course they are. And instead of, so, but it doesn't matter. who wins, this is the 51st vote. So the Democrats have 50. Yes, this will give them 51. This will just mean that Kamala Harris can go and do other things. Camila Harris has to break the deadlock. Yes.

If they win this one, she can do other things. She can go and be ineffective elsewhere. Yes. Hand out bottles of water in Haiti. But it's not going to matter, because when Donald Trump returns as rightful president. Yeah, when they suspend the Constitution. She's not going to still be there. No.

No, but she's going to be in jail, I presume. Yes. Biden will be in jail, the Biden crime family. Yes, yes. And you can't tell me there's going to be a US Senate. Why would Trump, why would Donald Trump put up with a US Senate when he's president again? You wouldn't do that. If you suspended, what would you do if you suspended the American Constitution?

Like, what are the institutions that you'd set up instead? Well, I think the thing is, you've got to look at the countries that are his model. And it's sort of places like the Philippines, North Korea. North Korea. I mean, the Philippines has no social democracy, but it's basically run by kind of strong man characters. Donald Trump actually just very recently announced that he wanted to do the Duterte policy of killing drug dealers

through vigilanteism. Or by literally throwing them out of the door of a helicopter. That's another thing he's done in the past. Yes, vigilantism you'd have. It's bred and circuses, though. It's like the Roman emperors. So Trump is a Roman emperor. he's decadent, he eats a lot, you know, all that sort of stuff.

So you give them, I think, cheeseburgers. You have that image of him with all the plates of cheeseburgers for the football players. Yeah, that's for, everyone gets free cheeseburgers. And the circuses, I think it's just going to be a coliseum with the Democrats of it. I have always said that the Philippines politics is always about five or six years ahead of American politics. Absolutely. But hasn't Philippines politics returned to a Marcos era style? Absolutely.

Yeah, right. So, I mean, Trump is that? the Marcos of America, so he's going to be his own, rather than putting a son in a couple of decades later, he's just going to put in himself. Yeah, and that will be great. I mean, they'll have, oh, what I think they'll do is put high-ranking Democrats. Obviously, Hillary Clinton will be the first in a coliseum with lions. I think that's, and it'll be, it'll be live-streamed on Fox News. Yes. And you'll be able to bet on how many minutes it takes, and I don't think it'll take many minutes. And Trump will be there, thumbs up or thumbs down.

I mean, he wouldn't be good at governing the country, but he'd be amazing at the showmanship of, you're fired. You know, it's like the boardroom on the apprentice. Yes. And then what happens to, is Elon like the chief information officer? Like, does he... Yes, well, I presume Twitter becomes the only allowed organ of the state. Well, surely it would be truth social.

True social, that's true. Very awkward. Pravda, like, there is real parallels because Pravda means truth in Russia, doesn't it? Yeah, that's true. He's served as social. It's very prefigrative. So there you go. So it's going to be great.

So as I said, Charles, 2023, best ever. And if Donald Trump ends up in jail by May, his supporters will just have to support, let's have to storm the jail. Yes. Yes. I feel like this is not going to pay out the way. Like, I have a feeling they're not going to suspend the Constitution. I have a feeling that the actual sadness of the midterms is that the left have all gone

and the Democrats have all gone, oh, that's a relief. We didn't get, you know, taken over by essentially Nazis. And it'll be in two years' time that, because they will just relax in two years' time, that's when it'll all be a disaster. Well, the thing is, Donald Trump probably won't be the nominee. I think he's just taken too much. We're going to be real about it. Ron DeSanthamonis.

Ron DeSanthamonius, yeah. Who is basically as extremist Donald Trump, but far more competent and not completely hobbled by narcissism. So he'll go in and actually manage to succeed in implementing the policies that Trump would have liked to and failed at. So you know that the, and this is true, there is a sort of conspiracy theory going around the email networks of Florida that amongst evangelicals. that Ron DeSantis is in fact a saint. Oh, really? An actual saint? An angel sent by God to implement God's mission on Earth.

Well, that would explain. Look, it's a more plausible idea than Donald Trump being the avenging angel that saves us from the pedophile rings under cue. I mean, the guy literally used to go into the change rooms of all of his contestants for Miss Universe. I mean, I think Ron Dysectomanius is looking much. more Christ-like. But then again, it may be Donald Trump, who has his second coming. Our gear is from Road.

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