The Chaser Report - Trump Loves Big Balls

Episode Date: October 27, 2025

Charles and Dom are back in the same room, but unfortunately, said room is not a ballroom, and therefore is completely uninteresting to Trump. Together they discuss the White House renovations, and how what Australia really needs is a Mar-A-Largo Down Under.---Order the 2025 CHASER ANNUAL: https://chasershop.com/products/the-chaser-and-the-shovel-annual-2025-preorderListen AD FREE: https://thechaserreport.supercast.com/ Follow us on Instagram: @chaserwarSpam Dom's socials: @dom_knightSend Charles voicemails: @charlesfirthEmail us: [e-mail] CEO’s Super-yacht upgrade Fund: https://chaser.com.au/support/ Send complaints to: [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gadigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello, and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. We are back in the same room. Hello, Charles. We've deliberately avoided catching up in any way at all, except Charles just cooked in there for his son. So I sat here during that.

We didn't talk. Did we know catching up? No, how are you doing? Because we want you to be part of the conversation in a very passive and silent way. Thank you for that. But lots to talk about Charles. We'll catch up on some news. And in particular, I just want to talk to you about the White House ballroom.

I'm so fascinated by this story. And it's made me think, what am I doing in my house that I don't have an absolutely massive ballroom? What if I want to host a ball? What will they do? I think this is going to, it's going to set a new trend, isn't it? You know, no longer will buying a Sydney house be about the number of bedrooms or the number of bathrooms or the number of bathrooms or car space. whatever. Forget all of that. It's going to be, what does the ballroom look like? Yeah. Yeah. How many people can you fit in the ballroom? That's a big question. All that after this.

Yeah. So, you know how the block had their finale last night? They had, oh, nicely tied to a bit of topical television. Yeah. I did note that nobody on the blog, there was like five houses. None had a ballroom in them. What's going on? It's a real short case. Shows you how backward Australia is, isn't it? Really? It's very unfortunate that I mean, I've never lived in a house with a ballroom. I'm just going to be really honest. Really? Yeah, never, never lived in one.

Yeah, I'm just thinking back. You lived in some sharehouses with a bit of space. 180 gliphorn road. That was quite nice. Did that have a ballroom? Everyone just jump on to mate and look at it. That was quite large. Was that the house where someone poured boiling water over the back fence during the house on the house?

There was an angry neighbour poured boiling water over. Yeah, because you'd try. I treated it like it was a ballroom. There were about a thousand people in there that night from memory. Yeah. This is actually a very sad. Yeah, but from memory, I don't actually think it had a ballroom. I'm just trying to think where else. It's just because you hadn't managed to.

See, the problem is Charles. It's actually a failure of imagination, which is why we don't have ballrooms. That's the main reason, because most of us look at a property. And we look at it as it is now. Yes. And we think about things like the rules on demolishing that property without any approval or consultation at all. Or the laws of physics. Like, you know, does a ballroom fit?

And we think to ourselves, it couldn't possibly be done. No. Donald Trump looks at, well, for instance, he looks at a rose garden, the historic rose garden, and he sees a concrete patio. He looks at the historic east wing of the White House. Yes. And he sees a $300 million ballroom that, as it turns out, involves completely flattening the east wing without anyone being consulted at all,

including the national capital kind of heritage or thing. authorities, and he said he wouldn't touch the swing or any of the existing White House. I think what he meant by that was I personally will not touch. But my team are going to absolutely flatten this thing. So I've just got this vague sense. And yes, there's a whole lot of reasons why people are getting outraged by it. But my little sense of this is, don't you reckon, because he didn't go through any of the proper approvals and things are bad.

Well, he doesn't think he needs to. He is the approval. No, exactly. But don't you reckon, like, it's one of those things where, you know, when you sort of go, oh, let's renovate our house, I know, let's move the shelf over there. We'll deal with the rest of the mess later. And then six months later, you still haven't dealt with the rest of the mess. You know what I mean? I wonder whether this is just one of those sort of a bit of a brain farty thing.

Force yourself to tidy up. Yeah, where he goes, okay, we'll just. knock it down, we'll work out the exact plans, you know, later on. We'll do it on the run. It'll be fine. But actually, what's going to happen is, in a year's time, it's going to be like, Melania will kind of, you know, like, so what are you doing? Like, are you going to, are you going to do the rest of the East Wing now, Donald? Yes. And it'll be like, yeah, yeah, I will get around. I'll just been a bit busy at work. But, you know, yeah, that's definitely on my to-do list. Don't you reckon it just has that sense of

I kind of feel like it's not going to be completed on time and under budget. Well, this is Bill Maher's line on it. I know many people have cancelled Bill Maher, but he says that the new ballroom is proof that Donald Trump has no intention of leaving the White House because it won't finish for quite some time. And I mean, Bill Ma admittedly, yeah,

he's not particularly bothered by the idea. But he says, look, that's what bothers me about it. Who puts in a giant ballroom if you're leaving? Yeah, well, I mean, there's legacy, right? People are saying, oh, it's his legacy. But I think Donald Trump thinks in terms of legacy. Like, I think Donald Trump, just everything we know about him is he thinks in terms of himself, like what he will use for himself.

So it's Mar-a-Lago of the North. That's what it's... And this is the big mistake. It's Caesar's Palace of Versailles. What's the name, Marjorie Post, the woman who developed Mar-a-Lago, wanted it to be the Winter White House. Yeah. But this is the thing that you... actually hit on is that the white house is becoming yes the uh north the the northern mara lago

um and in so many ways like the patio and having the yellow and and white um umbrellas and all that straight out of mara lago yes all the all the kind of gilding yes uh in the is it the word anyway all the gold in the oval office everywhere else straight out of mara lago yes i just think what he needs to do is just knock down the rest of the white house and in particular not make it white. Mara Lago is not white. It's kind of a lovely eggshell colour, isn't it? It's the eggshell a bad idea. And I think the thing is, you know, imagine the sort of fees you could charge to be a member, to be a member of Mara Lago North. Mara Lago, yeah. Noto or something, whatever the Spanish for North is. Yeah. Why does it actually, I'm very surprised that Donald Trump

lives in a place with a Spanish name. Is he aware that you think that Mara Lago's, because he would know that it means, you know, from the sea to the lake, which is a lot. Which is, what it is. It spans the whole of the sort of peninsula. That's why it's called that. Now, you wouldn't know that. No. So Mara Lago, Dunaugh, maybe you've put some French in there. Well, just, I mean, maybe actually, it's not, like, it's its own club. But, like, I just get the impression that that is the next step, isn't it? You'd literally charge entry fees. Well, you'd be mad not to. Yeah. I mean, I've got, I've got the Mara Lago Club ballroom here. It's not as big as the White House ballroom is going to be.

But I think if you're a member of one, remember the other, it's increasingly the way that it works. I mean, all the billionaires have joined Mar-a-Lago haven't done. Well, remember that idea we had about a month ago, which was all about setting up a club, the anti-social social club. Do you think maybe actually Donald Trump listened to that podcast and took a lead and went, I need to set up, you know, like a string of clubs? Nothing makes me feel more anti-social.

than looking at that ballroom. I've basically got overwhelmed anxiety. Like, the chairs are gold. So you know that one of the details that I didn't know about Donald Trump is that what he likes to do down at Marilago in the ballroom is DJ. No. Yes. Really?

Yes. Well, his initials are like me. We both have the initials DJ. DJ Trump. Yeah. I'm DJ Knight. So he apparently plays sort of tunes from the 1950s. And sort of show tunes

I just sort of whine to see Hey every time. Yeah, no. You know he's bizarrely into the village people? Again, not aware Not being aware of the cultural significance

at all of that. No. But isn't that a strange detail that he sort of, but he sort of makes it like it's sort of socially awkward. Well, the dancing has been.

He went to ASEAN this week and did the dance again. Do you think maybe Donald Trump and Albo could bond DJ Albo? That's true. DJing. Well, maybe that's why they've bonded.

No one quite understands why they got on so well. Maybe that's why they have a special relationship. It could be behind the decks. Yes. Maybe what they did before the office. You know what? The lodge needs. What does it need?

It needs a ballroom. It needs a ballroom. See, this is the problem. Yes. Or Kiribili House. Yeah. I mean, abolish Kiribili House. Just knock it down and put in a big ballroom.

Yeah. Call it Marilago. Of the South. Deep South. Dissude. Dissude. Yeah. Yeah, whatever the.

It's Mara Lago down under. Mara Lago down under. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I love it. It already sounds Australian because it ends in Mara Lago. In Mara Lago. The Marley.

Yeah, the Mara. The Margie. Yeah, Mara. Albo at the Maro. That's very good. Look, this could be good. I mean, Albo has, that's a good point. Albo has in that meeting.

He invited Donald Trump to come to Australia. Yes. Where would he go? I mean, we've said the Gold Coast, before. Yes. So, like, yeah, because that's right. He has to knock down Admiralty House and make it more gold.

No, so what, yeah, because this is the whole key, isn't it? Like, Donald Trump loved going to England recently. Yeah, because of Windsor Castle and all that. Yeah, and he didn't do any public events at all. I think it was very shrew. So he needs golf and he needs a castle of some sort. Yes. I'm not sure.

Well, it's the Gold Coast, isn't it? It's the Mirage Resort, the one that Christopher Skays own. He'd like the Star Casino You could take him to the casino And Star is bankrupt as well I know I know what it is So he loves bankrupt casinos

He's an expert in them Yeah Is Palazzo Versace is still a thing Because that would be his aesthetic Where is that They build a Versacee Now it's now called the Imperial Hotel Even better

I'm no Bizarrely There was a Palazzo Versace hotel Where? On the Gold Coast It's very Mara Lago It's got a giant pool

and it's really ugly. Does it have a ballroom? Does it have a ballroom? That's a very good question. Surely. And that also went bankrupt probably because I had to sell it. I'm not sure if it did, but they certainly had to say, yeah, yeah, huge, huge ballroom. Look at that. It looks Trump. It looks Trumpy. It actually looks Trumpy. I feel like. Here it. You've heard it here first. The Imperial Hotel on the Gold Coast is where they're going to host Donald Trump. It looks so much like Mara Lago. I must want to vomit. less often. So what's the optics of bringing out Donald Trump?

Because, like, I imagine, it's one of those things where Albo would have been obliged to invite. I love you to come over. But at the same time, it's like, it's going to play electorally incredibly badly. Like, you can't, like... Albo's got seats to burn. 20% of my sets, it doesn't matter.

But do you think it's like one of those awkward things we hope that they don't follow you up on the offer. Oh, I think it's very much like when you talk to, you know, your kids' parents. Yeah, we must catch up. You come over to our house at some point. There's a couple people who I just have so... We're definitely about to get beers. We have been for about 20 years.

Yeah, and then, no, and the great thing is Donald Trump doesn't even drink, right? So it would be like, oh, we can have a sober catch-up. That'll be great. Behind the decks. So, I mean, I can't imagine Donald Trump wanting to come to Australia, Unless there's actually Unless there's a business deal on the side For the family

I mean this is the thing Can we get some crypto going Can we can we build a nice little Enormous resort What do we? We make dirt We make a lot of it's not really He's not really into dirt

Is he? But like personally at a personal level I think What else do we make We don't really make anything I think you're taking to Australia's zoo I think you'd enjoy that I think that would

That'd be a sort of Steve Irwin stuff I think you could get him with some crocs he'd enjoy He could feed his enemies to the crocs Like a sort of James Bond type situation Oh we could be we could be like a colony For rejects from America Like we could we could take all the sort of criminals You know all the sort of

Oh so you think if he ever does lose power and gets exiled That's when he comes No no I'm saying America does a deal We do it where they transport Where the Nauru We're the Nauru of the South. Yeah. Yeah, that's...

The Nauru of America. I mean, the people who he's... The shit-old. The people he's... But no, hang on. I don't know if that's going to be the case because the people he wants to convict. We'd get James Comey, Hillary Clinton,

we'd get Kamala Harris, Joe Biden. Oh, a bit so tedious. Every single person in the administration. I mean, all... What's the name? Felicia James, New York Attorney General. John Bolton? No, I was thinking like all the sort of... Salvadorians that he's currently

Oh, you'd get the Nicholas Maduro from Venezuela He'd come down. Yeah. Yeah, no. I think, I mean, I think much of America's seen to be evicted.

I feel like we've reached a dead end in that idea. I think we're just both imagining Donald Trump on the Gold Coast striding around this. He would totally fit in. You've got to look at the, seriously, the Imperial Hotel in the Gold Coast. It's just going to happen.

So we've called it. Okay, is there some way we can profit from this for knowledge of this? Like, should we buy the Imperial Hotel knowing that, and then flip it to Donald Trump? Yeah, I think that's what we want to do. Okay, so the Imperial Hotel, Gold Coast, I'll just see what it costs. Yeah, so the Imperial Hotel, Main Beach Gold Coast, what does it go for? I mean, we haven't actually created the Anti-Social Social Club yet. Yeah, I reckon this is the first branch.

Really? In the Gold Coast? We'd be very anti-social. Because we'd never go to it. Okay. Oh, they have apartments in it. You can actually apply an apartment. The address is SeaWorld Drive.

You mentioned that. Yeah, so you can do it. They've got Imperial, the Imperial condominium, the luxury condominium there, just sold for a Gold Coast record of $27 million last year. Okay, okay, yeah, this is where we're going to. So it's doable. Okay.

Yeah. And I feel like that. like we should sort of loop back now just before the end. Look, like it's so Florida. It is just the most Florida place imaginable. It seems like it's built on re-playing land. You know what we've done wrong here. What?

That should be our New Parliament House. In the same way that the White House has been transformed into Mar-a-Lago, we, in Australia, need to do the same thing. We've got to get to the... Yeah, have we not agreed. Forget Canberra. We need to move the capital to the Gold Coast. We move the capital of gold coast, then the Australian politicians can be amongst their people, which is property developers.

And Charles, I mean, we've sort of missed the lead here. As soon as Donald Trump hears, we've got a coast that's gold. Yes. It's going to be there. The gilded coast. Will he realise it's not actually gold? No. Can we paint it gold and sort of shabby gold in time of you arrive?

Yeah. Let's get the spray. Break hands out, Queensland. You've got a job to do. Okay. Can we change the logo of the podcast to be gold? I think we'd do better in this year. Maybe just for this episode.

Yeah, okay. Yep, let's do that. Okay, well, it's great to be back, Dom. And I've got to call the pressy. See, you were happy for months. Yeah, well, to talk about the state of the world. I forgot about the world. Okay.

We're part of the Aconiclass Network. See you tomorrow. Another problem solved. It's my time concerned. Yeah. Our country was in deep trouble. Well, I didn't fall. Estamble.

Every week, the world falls apart, and I put it back together again with duct tape, sarcasm, and a swear jar that's long since overflowed. Hi, I'm Sammy Shah, comedian and journalist and journalist and comedian. And welcome to Newsweekly, the podcast where I punch the news in the headlines weekly. I break down the weak stories, so you don't have to doomscroll alone. Subscribe to Newsweekly wherever you get your podcast. You know,