The Chaser Report - Trump's Mugshot Divides America

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

Trump's mugshot has been released. Will the world ever be the same again? Charles and Dom get to the centre of the issue - and then decide to talk about Trump's golf cheating tactics instead. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Chaser Report is recorded on Gatigal Land. Striving for mediocrity in a world of excellence, this is The Chaser Report. Hello and welcome to The Chaser Report with Dom and Charles. Charles, would you like to hear a depressing statistic as we enter into another cheerful episode of The Chast Report? Since Donald Trump's mugshot was released by the prison in Atlanta, Georgia, where he had to turn up after his arraignment on charges of, you know, corruption, racketeering and all that kind of stuff, he's raised 11 million Australian dollars

by asking his supporters for it it actually he returned to Twitter slash X as it's now called which is one tweet with pictures of mugshot and a link to Donald J.Trump.com for his supporters to go on and donate money so it's fundraising and admittedly he's going to need that money

to pay for his legal fees not to campaign for the presidency but doesn't that say a lot about the way America is he's been arrested here he is looking like an angry, angry old man. My. 11 million bucks. Thought immediately goes to how can we get in.

Yeah, absolutely. What? I mean, we can be angry old. If there's millions of dollars in being an angry old man. Yeah. We'll get in on that. All right, he's on that after this. He thinks he looks like Winston Churchill.

And to be fair, given that Winston Churchill was an old, grumpy, fat white man. I mean, yeah, there's got. that in common. Gravitas, perhaps not quite the same. A couple of hours after it got released, somebody emailed with a photo of one of the editions of Mind Cumpf. Oh, right. And it is a very similar sort of thing. In fact, I wonder whether there was some level of intention there. But I think it's... Mine Trump. I think my wife had it right, which is, she said, it's Donald Trump's blue steel. Yes. Isn't it? Because he, obviously, he clearly must have spent hours in front of the mirror working on it, right?

Oh, for sure. He had advisors, workshopping, the angry stare, you know, like, there was a huge amount of intention there, and it's sort of like blue still, red still, because they stole the election. Yeah, yeah. No, it's, it's very intense, and it's an intense gaze that says, how dare they? How dare they? And give me consequences for a thing that I did. And it's sort of angry, isn't it?

So angry. Apparently, that is the thing that activates all his supporters. Anger. This anger, yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is why when he gave the inaugural address, he talked about American carnage. That's what his base wanted. They wanted carnage.

That was the animating concept back then. So this is the thing. He's got the mugshot. He's gone out and raised money off it. They've been selling shirts, posters, bumper stickers, and beverage coolers. That's what you want on a hot date, somewhere in America. You want to have a nice, you know, refrigerated beverage, ice cold, with Donald Trump's face staring angrily at you from the vessel. So when I went around in 2015, 2016, we interviewed a lot of merch salespeople.

Trump mail. Yeah, he was selling sort of red hats, caps and all that sort of stuff. And a lot of them, most of them, I would say, were African American. Sure. It always made us very weirded out that African-Americans. Americans would be the main, you know, vendors of merch for somebody who was clearly a bit of a white supremacist. And it was quite revealing chatting to them.

They went, I don't know, we're literally just capitalists. Well, he'd approve of that. Yeah, we don't like Trump. We just like money. We just sell stuff people want. Yeah. And he said, and the guy who we talked to said that the Trump supporters were a lot richer than the Democrats.

So, you know, like, you know, like. Obviously, if Hillary was coming to town, you'd roll up with some, I don't know, blue pins or something. It was like a little arrow with an H. Yeah. It was nothing like it's potent. Make it rain every time Trump came to town. Make it rain, that's right. And so he's decided to get in on this, basically.

Yes. So he viewed it as a good thing. Cut out the middleman. That's right. He was delighted that he was getting arraigned because he knew, let it arraigned. Basically, that was the approach. That's all going on. But he's not totally delighted by his arrest, though, because he can't now go.

Apparently, he literally can't go. So they're holding the seniors PGA tournament over in Scotland at his golf course up in Scotland. And he's now not allowed to go because of all the court dates getting in his way. Sure. He's angry about that. Maybe that's what he was angry about in the make-shod. It makes sense that someone who's facing four separate criminal trials, probably not able to travel outside of America. But, you know, the other reason he's.

angry, Charles. He must be very angry. I am. It's because he would have won. He would have won. The PJ seniors tour. The PGC. He would have. I guess this is the thing he said. He's just won. He claims to have just won. He's 20th, I think it is, club championship. The seniors club at one of his golf clubs. At his own club. At his own club. Right. Okay. And he said, you know, I'm a great athlete slash golfer. This is what he says. Great athlete slash golfer. And when he was arrested, he had to self-report his height and weight. Can you guess what his height and weight was?

Oh, well, he's a strapping athlete of a man. Sure, golf or slash athlete. He's about 6'3, 3, isn't he? Six foot 3 is what he says, yeah, 6'4 3. And I don't know, what do I weigh? I weigh about 80 kilograms. I reckon he probably said 85 kilos. He said 97, 97 kilos.

He reckons he's under 100. And there's people have shared a lot of pictures of athletes who are, you know, six foot three and 215. pounds, 97 kilos. A lot of people in the NBA, I'll just show you some pictures. He's got thin bones, though. Yeah, like, there are a lot of basketball players. Reggie Jackson.

Yeah, they don't, they're lithe, really. NFL stars, Lamar Jackson, all the Jackson. To be six foot three and 97 kilos, you have to be life. You have to be skinny and musly. That's what you have to be. No, but the thing is, I think that you're, you're, like. If you're very puny and very fat, you think maybe it's possible. Well, yeah, I'm just saying muscle weighs way more than fat.

But he's such a good athlete slash golf for Charles. He must have powerful muscles to win those championships. Either that or, and this is a wonderful thing, there's an entire book devoted to Donald Trump's cheating at golf, which I happen to have read because it's a rollicking red, Charles. It's by Rick Riley, who's a golf writer, who's played golf with Trump on multiple occasions and interviewed him, and is so outraged that, I mean, sure,

crimes against humanity, coups, but cheating it, golf chimes. No, yes, it's the ultimate. Beyond the pale. Yes. I mean, you can think about the famine in the Horn of Africa at the moment that's making 36 million people starve to death. I mean, some might have said that his lack of action with the hurricane that hit Puerto Rico for so long and people died, that was bad.

But imagine if he cheated it golfed in Puerto Rico, that would have been far worse. Write the book on that. Absolutely. So what does the book say? Oh, there's so many ways that he cheats. Now, I must say, I've got to be honest, I'm not very good at golf. There's some good tips here, Charles. If you wanted to cheat at golf.

Oh, okay. So one way you do. Yeah, because the thing is, it's all self-scoring, isn't it? It's an honour system. Yeah, it's an honour system. Oh, my God. It's open to abuse. It's a brilliant thing about an honour system.

So one thing you might do, he's called Pele by a lot of the caddies. A lot of the caddies call him, call him Pele. Trump. Yeah, do you know why? Pelé, the famous soccer player? Because he's very good at scoring goal He's very good at kicking the ball So what happens is

He'll hit a tee shot He'll lead it into the rough Right He'll screw it up and hit it into the bushes or something Pop over, give a little kick Kick it back into the fair way And does he do it shamelessly Or does he do it like furtively?

Oh I think totally shamelessly Right okay In fact there was one occasion where He did it for his playing partner Who was like a golf pro And the playing partner Put the ball back into the rough and took the shot where he was supposed to.

And Trump pointed out, he said to everyone, I can't believe this guy. He just put his, what an idiot. What a loser. Like, yeah, I don't, I wouldn't play with you again because I'm a winner. I always win. So he helped his teammate cheat. And then, anyway, in Donald Trump's world, and this is he playing against Tiger Woods.

He tease off, hits the ball into a lake, which is supposed to have a shot penalty. Tees off, hits the ball into the lake. It's supposed to be. So he's supposed to be four shot down, I think, by this point. Just plays another ball and hits into the fairways if nothing's. happen, just ignores, ignores the lake. Right, so it's just warm up. It's just a warm up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's all right. That's all right. You need a warm up. And I was thinking, you know, his age. This is something I'm going to do. That's why he's so light. That's a good.

He's good at warming up. Oh, he's very limbo. Yeah. For every round of golf, he plays, you know, 18 more rounds of warm up shots. Are you ever played golf? Oh, all the time. I've played a couple of times. Mainly just with chief executives.

Yeah, yeah. President. Just when we're trying to make decisions about that. future direction of the world. That's what you do on the golf course. So, Charles, I don't know whether you tried this, but I don't know if you've ever had a ball stuck in a bunker in a sand trap. It's very, very annoying.

It's in a sand pit. Hard to get the ball out. But there's one easy approach. What you do is you go over there, you get your sand wedge out, you swing it. You pretend that you've hit the ball. And then what you do is you walk over to the hole and you've got a, you've got a ball, another ball sitting in your hand, and you bend out of the hole, drop it in. and pick it up.

Oh, I got it in. A hole in one. You basically pretend that you hit the ball and that it went into the hole. The ball doesn't move. There's no ball. But you drop the ball into the hole or you get your caddy to do it. Oh, I've got it in. That is just, isn't that great?

It's shameless, isn't it? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Which is pretty impressive stuff. The other thing you do, so you know, parting, and I know we're getting a bit technical. And when you say you do, you mean he does. He does, but you could do if you wanted to play better. If you wanted to win championships, there's a bit of a bit of a bit of a,

a polite convention in in golf. But when the ball is basically, you know, a couple of inches from the hole, you just can see that. You say, okay, sure, you would have got it in the next shot. Oh, yeah. That's just a polite convention, right? Because it's just, yeah, well, you don't need to. Like, you'd have to be incredibly uncoordinated like me to miss, you know, from three inches away.

Yeah. So his version of that, his version of that is you hit the putt and then pick it up. So it starts rolling from a couple of feet away before the hole. Pick it out. That would have gone in. It's pretty good. That applies to, like, shooting off from the tea. Yeah, yeah.

He also throws, I've got this great listy, he throws his opponent's balls into the water on a regular basis. Oh, see, that's the more of the trump that I know. Yeah. I must say, you know, yeah, doing stuff. It's one thing you're cheap for yourself. For yourself. But I always thought, you know, yeah, he'd be nudging other people out of the way. Well, there's a great story about him basically playing through because he always wants to play very quickly.

So he just zooms along on the golf. cart and overtakes everybody else. Oh, right. And there was a point where some kid had hit a really good shot in the middle of the fairway. And he's leaned up in his golf cart and took the ball from the kid and said, this is my ball now. And played on as though he'd hit the ball. The Chaser Report.

More news. Less often. I'd say the only time I've ever played golf, I played it with my kids. My like six-year-old at the time was just desperately interested in golf. Oh, that's so sad. So we hired one of those electric carts. We're having huge fun zooming around. Oh, that would have been great fun.

Yes. But I didn't realize, because there's no seat belts in the cars. No, no. They're quite dangerous. It was sort of zooming around. And I hadn't cocked centrifugal gravity and inertia. So I turned the thing. My son, my poor six-year-old, flew out of the golf cart onto the grass.

You know, they're quite dangerous. The other thing he does regularly, apparently, is he drives the cart onto the green, which is in the world of golf. That is absolutely none. No, but if you own the grain, you're over there. You own the green. So this is Charles. You've brought us to the best way to win golf championships.

I am. When you own the course. So Donald Trump says that he's won 20 club championships. Apparently, you know, a former retired pro isn't going to get more than eight or nine, but Trump's claiming 20. What you do is, okay, this is what you do. Yeah. You play, whenever you open a new golf course, you play the first game on it.

I am. Just before it opens. Yeah. That before it opens, you go around, have you around, declare yourself the club champion because no one else has played it, and put yourself up on the leaderboard as the first person, as the first champion. Yes, of course, and you don't even have to cheat then. You can just be any score. Yeah, any score, that's right.

Although you would. You'd still cheat to have a low average. Because no one's watching, so you can do whatever you want. He also once apparently was playing a retired pro who'd won the club championship. How does that – sorry, but let's just go into the psychology of that. At what level does he go – like, because the important thing with success in life is to be integrated into your own personality. Sure.

And if the only success that you can actually achieve in life is by technical sort of, you know, technical wins that aren't really wins, but what's going on in his brain? I mean, does he actually then absorb it and go, and therefore I'm really good at gold? Like, is he like Kim Jong-un, who sort of believes himself to be a genius at everything? Yeah, look, I think so. I mean, there's a direct... Or is it more of a sort of like, ha-ha-ha, I'm getting around the rules? I still realise I'm a total...

I think it's cognitive dissonance. I honestly do. But, I mean, I don't have to be the most gifted psychoanalyst to have a link between refusing to accept defeat in golf. And refusing to accept defeat in an election. Yes. What they need is they need a January 6th of golf. They do. Where they storm the PGA or the live or whatever it's called now.

Yeah, yeah. And they get Donald Trump installed as the number one golfer in the world as his record would rightfully show. And fucking Mike Pence would try to stop that, wouldn't he? Oh, yeah. That little, that, for all he had done for him, Mike Pence. Yes. Plucked from nowhere. Plucked from obscurity, what was he, governor of Indiana?

Yes. And made, given the honor of being vice president, the most important job there is, except for the president. And he didn't even wrought the election, didn't even afford the election. So I think, I think to Donald Trump, a fake win is to the win. And I love this story. This is the final one. He was playing against a pro, right?

Some pro who just won a club championship at one of his clubs, one of his most famous clubs. Because some of his clubs are full-on professional, you know, title standard. Before he started, before he became a white supremacist, the PGA tour events, like the majors will be played at his clubs. But wasn't the PGA essentially a white supremacist organization for years anyway? And golf in general, golf clubs in general. But no, amazingly when he said all that stuff about Mexicans when he started running for the presidency, even for the PGA tour, that was too far.

Yeah, right. I mean, they need employees to, you know, maintain the courses. The grains, yes. Anyway, so he was playing around and he came across a member who'd won the club. championship the previous week, right? So I'm retired pro, really good golfer. Yep. And he said, oh, well, I wasn't here.

So you can't really say you won the club championship, right? Let's play the last six holes, and whoever wins that, that's the real club championship. So it's a bit like that scene in the office where Finchie, you know, throws the boot over the pub and says that's the real trivia championship. Can you throw the boot over the pub? Yeah. And so Trump plays the guy. He's kids there.

Trump's just cheating relentlessly. And the guy's just going, wow. I mean, what can you say? He's the president of it. This is when he's president, the president of the United States, who wants the championship, goes through. And in the end, I think, I think the pro kind of calls him out a little bit. And the guy goes, oh, and Trump goes, we can just, look, let's just say we've tied.

We're tied. We're both champions. We're both the champions. That's very honorable. Very honorable. And then the next day, Donald Trump's name appears on the leaderboard club champion 2018 or whatever. It's just amazing. So there you go.

If you cheat at golf, you cheated elections. But you make $11 million out of them. So it's not really... I mean, at this point, he's turned the art of losing into winning. It's liquidative. I think, you know, how he said, oh, we're going to get sick of winning. Yeah. I'm fucking sick of it.

That's right. But anyway, I mean, on the bright side, Charles, as we get further into our dotage, as we hit our 50s and 60s, when we start playing golf, very clear what we have to do. Ah, exactly, cheat. Cheat. Yes. And I just love the miming.

I'm going to try that in other areas. I'm going to pretend I posted the check. Here's a video I'll be posting the check It was in the mail I don't know what's happened What else can you do? Oh yeah

I mean In the rest of your life Like it's things like I'm going to pretend That I unloaded the dishwasher Yeah He's a video Yeah

I bought you a birthday present darling And just not pick up any of the plates But just sort of lookers Are you making out the plates Yeah No look It's very If you have enough

Hutzpar Charles Yes And total shamelessness And an ability Presumably that when you no, you didn't win and you cheated, you can switch at least half of your brain and you're going, no, actually, that's the right

result. I may have manipulated. I may have slightly manipulated, but only to get the right results. But my question is, is he happy dom? Look at the mug shot. No, the guy's fucking roperable. How here is from Road, we're part of the iconoclast network.

Catch you next time.